#not to ramble but I have a 'crush' on an pal of mine & I recently came to the conclusion that I don't want to date her

[grapeskeeto]

big fan of aromantic kinitopet as an aro individual. now how do I reconcile that with selfshipping with him

[wlw-horses]

I have many Thoughts about the Pie family click the readmore if you want to here the somewhat coherent ramblings of the me

Cloudy Quartz is the daughter and only child of Clear Quartz, the heiress to a very successful mining agency. Her mother is very no-nonsense, and cares far too much about how others view her, seeing her daughter as a way to improve her reputation in the eyes of nobles rather than a person. Cloudy was very resentful towards this lifestyle and often took any excuse she could to leave the house and see her friends, or anyone really. She had found a second family in a group of mares attending a nearby private school, among them being a very pretty pegasus named Hidden Treasure. Hidden Treasure (Hidi) was an aspiring geologist and immediately took a shining to Cloudy, knowing her past and her ties to the industry. Cloudy was off-put by this initially, but quickly warmed up to Hidi, seeing that she was nothing but warm and kind to the people around her. Hidi quickly developed a crush on poor, clueless Cloudy, and although Cloudy reciprocated those feelings towards her, she didn’t know how to articulate it (internalized lesbophobia played a big part in this). The two started dating very casually, more of a ‘friends with benefits’ situation than anything else as far as Cloudy was concerned just gals being pals. Whereas Clear Quartz never found out about the situation, Hidi’s family (consisting of two dads and a ton of siblings) practically adopted Cloudy, accepting her as their daughter and sister, and Cloudy had never felt so accepted. Cloudy had made a decision, she loved Hidi more than anything and wanted to marry and start a family with her. She felt as if she would finally be happy but uhh nah. Her mom had found out about the relationship and Cloudy was now being sent to a neighboring rock farm to be married to a much older, recently widowed man with 2 daughters. She didn’t even get the chance to say goodbye. Hidi tried sending letters when she found out what happened, but all connection was cut off by Clear Quartz. Cloudy was to marry the widow, Igneous Rock, and Hidi and Cloudy were to never see each other again. Cloudy found out she was pregnant a few days after the wedding of her and Igneous, meaning it couldn’t be anyone's but Hidi’s. Whoops. Img 1: Cloudy had tried to convince Igneous the baby was his, and Igneous was willing to believe it- up until the surprise twins were born, both with heterochromia and covered in feathers. Yikes. Cloudy spilled, saying she had a pegasus lover back home who she was with in secret before Igneous and herself were married. Igneous was disappointed, but was willing to raise the foals, despite knowing they weren’t his own. Not pictured: Limestone and Maud fawning over their new baby siblings. Img 2: A polaroid of Hidi taken by Posey Poem, Cloudy and Hidi’s friend as well as Fluttershy’s mother. Fluttershy find’s this old picture while visiting her parents and see’s the uncanny resemblance to Pinkie. This is what jumpstart’s Pinkie’s journey of tracking down her true heritage that I will probably talk about in another post. Img 3: Marble and Pinkie, past and present. Igneous and Cloudy made them wear these big cloaks to hide their colorful features and feathers (and in Pinkie’s case- wings) from the prying eyes of the rest of the community. They were only allowed to take them off when they were at home and no one outside could see them. This suppression causes long-term problems in both of them- but again I’ll probably talk about that in another post. Oh and I should also mention- they’re both trans, Pinkie being amab and Marble being afab. Limestone teases them a lot for “swapping genders”. thank you for letting me ramble... sorry if this isn’t as coherent as my sleep deprived brain thinks it is.

[walsiegirl]

So... how did this happen?

So... I’m aiming to write a little blog post every week leading up to Geoffrey’s 70th birthday. Hopefully I can find lots of stuff to talk about. They won’t be long posts, or possibly even coherent, but I want to just share some of my love for this guy this year. Though inadvertent, he has proved to be an artistic muse for me over the past few months, during covid, furlough and all the other ups-and-downs of 2020, and his work helped draw me out of a dark place I hadn’t realised I’d been in for many years. Past memories of my fan days really helped as I recalled the days of old when us “Rushies” had a tight-knit fan group, and thought of all the films we watched, the meet-ups we had - I’m still pals with so many of you! GR was a great source of inspiration to me in my early twenties, and was also exceptionally kind and generous to so many of us; I feel so fortunate to have been part of something so special, and both reliving and rekindling this fan-love has made me so much happier in recent times.

For this initial written blog post in my countdown to his b-day, I thought I would just recount how I became a GR fan. Like many things, it was just one part of a chain of events. I think it’s fair to say it’s because of Christopher Eccleston and “Doctor Who”. After the first series of the (what was then) new “Doctor Who” finished in summer 2005, and it was clear ninth Doctor actor Christopher Eccleston wasn’t coming back, I looked for other sources of Eccleston’s work to get over the despair of losing him after just one season; I’d thoroughly loved him as the ninth Doctor and I couldn’t bear the thought that he wasn’t coming back for more.

A Live Journal pal of mine mentioned “Elizabeth” at some point, the 1998 film in which Eccleston plays the Duke of Norfolk; I think my friend said something alone the lines of he was “half expecting Rose to jump out from somewhere” whilst he watched it. Now I enjoyed watching historical dramas, and I needed an Eccleston fix, so I went out and bought “Elizabeth” and watched it. Yes, Eccleston was good in it, though very cold and austere, but what I came away with were two other questions which had little to do with Eccleston: 1) who was that Francis Walsingham in real history? and 2) who the devil was that Geoffrey Rush who played Walsingham?

Now, if you have read Terry Pratchett, you’ll be familiar with the concept of the “Trousers of Time”. Dear reader, watching “Elizabeth” was when I toppled down an alternate leg. That movie, still probably one of my absolute fave films, gave me two-fold new obsessions: both reading about the real Francis Walsingham (who, no, wasn’t quite the sexy assassin of the 1998 movie, but is still insanely interesting) and watching Geoffrey Rush work his magic.

My interest garnered, I think I went initially to Wikipedia to look up both Walsingham and Rush. And blow me, I realised that Rush was also in “Pirates of the Caribbean” which was on my DVD rack. I hadn’t even realised it was the same actor! ^^; Barbossa and Walsingham aren’t exactly alike. After I’d re-watched him in PotC with a renewed appreciation, it was then a case of going through his filmography and picking out further films in which to ogle him: I think I went for “Quills” after PotC and “Elizabeth”, and Christ, once you’ve seen “Quills” there’s no going back. I was hooked. I fucking adored him.

If I’m honest, I rarely fixate on individual actors - I can count only two actors in my lifetime I’ve truly fixated on, and they are Geoffrey Rush and, when I was very young, probably only 17 years old, I fixated on Christopher Lee. I have of course liked other actors, had crushes, but Rush and Lee remain the ones where I’ve obsessively sought out their work as far as humanly possible and haven’t been able to let them go. I have also been really lucky and met each of them twice, though Rush went above and beyond anything I expected when it came to leaving me with memories to last a lifetime; Lee was of course of a different generation and an entirely different type of artist, from a different era, so it’s unfair to compare them to one-another really. Geoffrey was very much more approachable and down-to-earth - Lee was quite intimidating, but very polite and kind and a real gent.  Either way, what great fortune, to have met two influential actors in my life!

I’ll try think up another topic for another GR ramble within the next week or so. If you have any questions or comments, ofc, feel free to drop me a DM! I don’t bite. :)

[localrobosexual]

hewwo my fwiends it's currently real Loving Seaside Hours™ again as spurred by talking to a blessed pal of mine earlier today about our comfort characters, so as I'm tryina ride out this thunderstorm going on outside so I can actually go to sleep I'm just gonna take a moment and gush about this robot and how and why he means so much to me, that alright w y'all lmao

putting a breaker on this bc I already know it's gonna get long and ramble-y lmao. Not gonna mind if u skip this over and don't bother reading it, I just wanna kinda shout into the void about my ocs a bit, don't mind me!

HEY SO YEE I JUST RLLY RLLY LOVE MY BIG DUMB ROBOT SO SO MUCH AAAAAA HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME AND I COULD NEVER SELL OR TRADE HIM EVER AND I JUST WISH I HAD MORE DISPOSABLE INCOME TO USE TO JUST BUY MORE COMMISSIONS OF HIM BECAUSE GOD EVERY TIME I DRAW HIM AND EVERY TIME SOMEONE ELSE DOES TOO MY HEART JUST FUCKIN SWELLS W LOVE AND HAPPINESS!!!!! THIS ONE LITTLE TRANSFORMERS OC DOES THAT MUCH!!!!!!!! AND ITS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAA

ok but. For real now, besides my initial screams that I had to get out hksjdks. Y'all wanna hear some insight into what all went into making him and why he means so much to me and all. Strap in bc it's gonna get Real

let's start with something pretty well known. Maybe not coming from me but a well known fact regardless lmao. Truth be told I wrote out from the paragraph below this one to the bottom without writing an introduction first and I'm too tired to try to come up with anything good now so uh. Hopefully this isn't too jarring hkshdksk my bad y'all my bad.

Anyways. Mental health! Fucked mental health! that's so much fun right!!

Haha yeah. Nah. We all know this. Being depressed is rlly wack y'all. It fuckin messes up ur head big time. I still don't know if I have downright depression, because I still haven't been properly diagnosed, and I never rlly associated my symptoms and the way I was feeling with depression bc it didn't line up with the stereotypical symptoms of depression, so I was (and still am) just calling it my "existential crisis". That was rlly the only word I could use to describe it. And it was dark and it was lonely and crushing and so, so awful. Despite the fact that I had an extremely loving and supportive friend group, I was always, ALWAYS afraid of speaking up about it. Despite them and all, I still felt super SUPER alone in the way I was feeling about life, my future, and my general purpose. This was all just reinforced by my parents and other adults in my life who I tried to come to in the past who would brush me off by saying I was overreacting, or that I'll "figure it out, because everybody does", or just generally not really understanding or showing any empathy at all. It took my entire life up until SENIOR YEAR ENGLISH CLASS when I went to my teacher about how I was feeling about a certain project that was triggering my symptoms, and that was the first time in my life when any adult had actually shown any sort of understanding or sympathy towards me and my feelings. That was the first time in my life where my mental struggles were validated by someone I respected and held to high regard.

But I still felt so very very alone, with no one to really talk to or who I knew was going through the same thing as me. So I ended up just,, , making someone who did.

Fun fact, before I really went ham on his development, Seaside was just gonna be a one-off oc with a happy go-lucky attitude and not much else about him. It was only until I heard the song What We Will Never Know (which later ended up becoming one of his theme songs bc of this) for the first time that I decided "WAIT,,. ,, BUT,, , WHAT IF,,. , ,,, , I MADE HIM SAD TOO" pretty much hkHKDJDJSK and that's what kick started his development!!

here I was, this sad, depressed, deeply lonely bitch with a love for making characters who played on extensions of myself, finally able to make something to cope with how awful I was feeling all the time. And that's what Seaside kinda was to me at first, he was my coping mechanism for working through hard bouts of my existenial crisis. I crafted his backstory to fit EXACTLY what I was going through at the time. He was content but never truly happy with how his life had been for as long as he could remember, then something exciting and new happens and he's suddenly thrust into a brand new world with so many new possibilities, but as he starts to settle in he realizes just how lost and alone he truly is in this new environment and he doesn't know where to go or what to do with himself. This is literally, EXACTLY a point-to-point retelling of my experience going through high school, graduating, and trying to figure out what to do with my life all with my mental health rapidly deteriorating around me. And having someone like that in my life, even fictional, even one I literally made up myself, made me feel better. I'd daydream scenarios of of us going on little adventures at the beach at night where no one else would see him in robot mode (gotta keep up the disguise aspect and all), but mostly it was just us hanging out, usually cuddled up to each other bc it gets cold on the beach at night, looking up at the stars, chillin and talking and just taking comfort in each other's presences and knowing that we weren't alone in our struggles. And I KNOW that sounds super stupid and cringey and dumb but like, that's genuinely what made, and still does, make me happy and it's what I used to help me hold on just a little longer to get through some of the really rough periods of my existenial crisis. When it got super bad, when I still even couldn't tell my closest friends about how low I was feeling, I still at least had Seaside with me to help me cope.

it wasn't until it got to the point where I was pretty much (lovingly) forced to wake up to the reality that I was rapidly becoming genuinely suicidal that things finally started to change, even just a little bit. I only very recently finally started to get my mind right, I finally told my parents the whole truth about how I was feeling, I got put on some meds that are honestly doing WONDERS for me rn, and I'm definitely in a much better place mentally then I was just a few months ago. I certainly still have a long way to go, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the ride and just soak up and relish in the fact that I'm, for the first time in years, genuinely going about my days just happy to be out here living life without constantly being weighed down by the soul crushingly empty sorrow that hung over me 24/7. (and to said close group of friends, if you're indeed reading this, this may be the first time you're hearing about what I've been going through all the time, and if that's the case, I'm gonna have to kindly ask that you not come to me about it. I'll know when I'm ready to talk about this openly, but now I don't think I am. I'm really sorry to have kept it from y'all for so long, it really was just eating me up inside, but I think I explained myself well enough)

so now that I'm doing much better mentally, Seaside's outlook has kinda changed, but at the same time, not really?? he's still my comfort character for sure, always will be, but now he's not so much a coping mechanism as he is just a solid source of happiness and peace to turn to every now and again. This one little transformers oc just genuinely makes me really really happy, and I love to just soak it all in and feel every little thing!! We still share the not knowing what we're doing with our lives aspect of ourselves, but now it's a little less completely lost and anguished and hopeless and a little more hopeful and reassuring. Things are gonna be ok. We'll figure this out at our own pace. And we'll still have each other to turn to at every step of the way.

there's a lot of different kinds of comfort energies that many different kinds of comfort characters give off, and different ones resonate more with different people. The most common one I'll see at least is a kind of is parental comfort, someone you can come to for guidance in life because they have the experience to advise you on what to do and can be almost a better pseudo-parental figure. Mom friend types, loving dad energy, that kind of thing. Someone to protect you and give you big strong hugs and stuff. Seaside gives off a similar yet very different kind of comfort energy to me. It's not parental in any way because he's far too young (relatively, even in Cybertronian standards. He'd be like, mid to late 20s in human years) and inexperienced, and, frankly, still a little too naive and unknowing about a lot of things to really be someone to turn to for guidance or just generally be a pseudo-parental figure, but instead, he's just a good friend. He's a perfect kind of friend that'd stand by your side and will always be there for you through the ups and downs of life, someone who knows how to cheer you up when you're sad, someone you can share a solidarity in where you know you're experiencing the exact same struggles. He's just a good shoulder to lean on and a constant reminder that I'm never alone. And I couldn't ask for anything better tbh

so yeah. There's my ramble I guess lmao. To sum it up rlly I just love this big dumb robot w all my heart and soul and I'm so so glad I made him 💕💕💕

[yourdevilwolf-blog]

Till the last drop..

“It is a beautiful ring, Shilo...” 

The tall man who’d been leaning against the railing of the wood creaking ship gave a curious look to the man approaching; his mentor of sorts. He hadn’t expected Zael to make an appearance, as it was still rather early in the day, however the crimson haired quickly closed the space between them to stand beside with obvious intent. 

“Thank you, Fox. That means a lot to me, think he knows yet?” 

The Fox gave an amused jerk of the left corner of his lips, shaking his head as scarlet hair shifted with the motion, his posture straight and perfect compared to Shilo’s. 

“No, I do not believe my son is aware yet, I’m amazed you went through with it, honestly, considering how long it took you to ask him to be yours in the first place.” 

Shi gave an exasperated sigh, running a hand through his two toned mane, silver eyes shifting to the sea and back as he turned to fully face his friend. 

“Oh, c’mon. Enough with that shit,  Zael. I just had to get over that bump, that fear...I’ve never had a doubt in my mind that I wanted Zan to be mine.”

The aura around the pair shifted tangibly, Zael suddenly pursing his lips together seriously, and Shilo gave him a worried look, something was amiss.

“I’m glad to hear you say that Shilo, though...I wonder how much you understand your own statement.” 

“What do you mean, Fox?” 

Zael took a deep breath as he steeled himself, this was not a topic he was ready to brooch, but he knew it was time. Sooner or later, they would need to discuss such matters, and it seemed only appropriate that he do before Shilo took that next step; before he pledged his life to Zan without fully knowing what that would entail. 

“Shilo...when you say you want to be with my son, forever? You must mean forever; and not a day less. Do you understand? For us, for what we are, these are not simply pretty words to be said on the whim of emotion. When Zan says forever to you, he means nothing short of forever.” 

The young man shifted with confusion, furrowing his brows as he tried to understand the riddles his mentor was speaking, his words had always been old fashioned, carrying a sort of elegance to them.  But right now? He wasn’t making much sense to Shi, and the rogue found something tugging at him as he struggled.

There was something about what Zael was trying to tell him...

He needed to understand his words.

“Zael...what are you saying, just spit it out already...” 

There was a quick movement between them, Fox suddenly toe to toe with Shilo, eyes flashing crimson as his fangs were on full display, his true self glaring against the final rays of the day’s light. This is what he truly was; in all of it’s glory. 

And Shilo knew, someday Zan would be the same. 

But that didn’t scare him, did Zael think it did? Shilo was well aware of the fact that Zan could crush him under foot, or lose control while feeding and rip him apart, but....Shi didn’t care. If he died with Zan’s bloodstained lips being the last thing he saw? He could accept it, at least he died knowing his lover was fed. 

But Shi didn’t understand; not entirely. That wasn’t the only thing he had to fear, and Zael prodded at the young man’s thoughts to figure out a solution to his confusion, deciding finally on simply being blunt.

“Shilo...you can not remain as you are. You...”

He paused, Shilo’s heart beat skipping with worry, as words rarely failed the creature before him. But curiosity overcame fear, and he urged his mentor to continue, ushering him to a darker corner of the ship for privacy.

“Okay, Okay...c’mon Zael, I’m sorry. I’m a mere mortal, not as smart as you guys, don’t catch on quite as quick I guess...what do you mean I can’t stay as I am?” 

Zael studied Shi’s face for several minutes before he would allow himself to speak again, being very careful with his words. 

“As you are now, Zan would have to watch you grow old; and eventually you would die, Shilo. It is hard enough for you to ask that of my son, but even harder what he must ask of you. You must...allow him to perform a very specific ritual of our kind on you, you must give more than you ever imagined yourself able to give...” 

Fox’s eyes flitted over Shi’s changing expressions, a bit of worry biting at his own stomach, what if he refused? He couldn’t imagine having to go to Zan and explain his choice, even though he knew his son would stay with Shilo to his dying day if he declined the ‘gift’. 

And that day he would surely lose them both, without question. 

“Name it. What is it? Anything...I don’t think you understand, Zael. I’d do anything for him.”

The words were simple; but spoken with strength, for both Fox and Shilo. 

“The ‘gift’ is what it’s called amongst most magic users; the ‘dark embrace’ is another chosen name. Shilo...you must become one of us, you must drink of the darkest blood, you must truly become one with Zan. Or you condemn him to eternally mourn your death....which quite frankly, I don’t think he could do.”

It only took a few seconds for Shilo to grasp Zael’s words, the words tossing around in his mind for a few moments before he finally gave out an amused laugh, leaving Fox’s crimson eyes to widen in disbelief. What was humorous about this particular situation? The older man found himself breathing a long, irritated sigh at Shi’s antics, his temper rising. Shi had a tendency to never take things too seriously, but he’d gotten better at it in recent days; becoming more like Dey as he got older. But this? Zael opened his mouth to speak, but Shilo stopped him with an open hand. 

“Did you think...I’d say no? Truly, Fox. It’s like you don’t know me at all. Look, pal. I stand by my words; anything. There is nothing I would not do for him, so if he asks me to do this ‘gift’ thing, or whatever the fuck you are rambling about over there....I’ll do it. And besides, an eternity with you son is like...wonderful beyond words. I don’t know much about your kind, but the only ‘gift’ I see here is getting to be with him for so long, I’d never pass up such a deal.” 

Shi ran a hand through his hair, a broad grin splitting his tan face, a long wistful sigh whistling from his lips, leaving Fox to wonder about this boy’s sanity. 

“Damn...I’m so lucky.” 

“Shilo, this isn’t to be taken lightly.”

“Do I look like I’m taking this lightly?” 

“Everyone else you know will die...” 

“I know...” 

 Zael felt as if his boots were planted against the planks by some unseen force, eyebrows narrowed, but the look Shi was giving him now...it seemed as if he truly did understand; he just didn’t care. Though Fox severely doubted Shi truly understood the nature of the demon, he also very much doubted further explanation would change the youth’s mind. And in this regard? Shi was right.

Fox should have known that; he should have known Shilo better.

That little boy who chased his son around the room, who would sneak into his crib, who would hold him as he wailed through his very painful teething, who took bath’s with him until it started getting, errr, awkward for them...Shilo had always been there. He’d always loved Zan; there had never been any doubt on that subject. And honestly? Zael was grateful. He’d seen Shi’s busted lip from the bullies, the young boy lying and saying he was the one who picked the fights, he’d seen the bullies toss a couple of Shi’s engineering tools overboard for picking Zan over them, but Shilo never said a single word to his son. Because to Shilo, that wasn’t important. Zan was important. He’d always been. 

So...this...? 

To Shilo was relief. 

After all this time of knowing what Zan was; he’d never given thought of there being a way to stay with him. Shilo...expected to die when Zan would not, but to him it was worth it as long as he got to stay with him until the end. For all of Shi’s quirks and flaws, when it came to his son...

He was selfless.

“Very well, when it is time...I will instruct him. You still have...time.” 

“Cool.” 

That was Shi’s easy breezy answer, nonchalant and still smiling, Zael left in complete wonder at this mess of a rogue. Ether was so strong in him sometimes; and this was no exception. There was nothing that tiny hexxer wouldn’t do for his own love, both he and Shilo felt stronger than most mortal’s he’d ever known. 

“So...look at that sunset will ya? Damn, that’s nice.” 

Fox nodded, turning towards the setting sun, as if the world itself were sealing Shilo’s fate with a blaring sign from the gods. It was then that Fox knew, Shilo was the only one for his son, if there had been any doubt in his mind. 

No one else would die for Zan; much less live eternally. 

“It is nice...so, about that ring? Your blood, I assume?” 

“Yup! Didn’t know it took so much, guess you learn something new everyday, right? Took Dess a couple weeks, and not to mention a couple months of paychecks on my end. Totally worth it. I can just imagine Zan’s face...” 

Fox slid his now golden eyes towards his protege, a smile now resting on alabaster lips. Shi’s broad charismatic grin contiguous as he watched the water through excited eyes, not a single care in the world, even as his tunic shifted to reveal a rather sizable bite mark his boyfriend had left in the wake of his lunch earlier, to which Zael merely chuckled.

“Yes, it will...be something else.” 

[colorfullfalls]

Force Knows Best

Summary: after infinity war, life is in shambles, but to make things even more complicated, the first order decides to visit. kylo ren is in search.. for you.

3. You're the one

The troops stood off to the side as you walked past, glaring at them for being on Earth. You hated them, hated this. But seeing the leader kill one of his own made you feel ill. Talking with this man was incredibly stupid, but a fight would have broken out otherwise. A warm feeling pooled in your stomach as you faced the terrifying black looming being. He towered over you, mask close to face.

"Force, you're gorgeous."

You rolled your eyes but felt a blush creep up to your cheeks, tinting them a light pretty pink, "You have an half hour."

"As if our time is limited."

He led into the ship, closing the hanger door behind him. You gulped, nerves spreading, pinching your spinal cord. What if he were to just take you? Would you ever see your family again? They could not cope with you being ripped away right now. They needed you and truthfully, you needed them even more. Fiercely.

Leaned against the wall awkwardly, arms crossed, "What do you want from me? My powers cannot be transferred, it's in my DNA. Others have tried."

"You've been harmed.. recently?" He asked, stepping forward. His mask made you extremely hesitant. And almost like he could read your thoughts, his hands went up to the helmet. Short bursts of hissing, and then the helmet was withing his large hands. Your pupils betrayed you and widened at the sight.

Long jet black hair framed his face, red pouted plump lips, scar traveling down his right cheek to his throat, and dark mysterious eyes. Brown eyes that melted into yours. Bore into your soul, seeing everything. He was beautiful, he was the gorgeous one. But he was the man you saw in your dreams. The searcher. It was you the whole time. He tore planets apart, destroying in order to find you. He killed for you. Because of you.

"I'd do anything for you." His voice was naturally deep without the mask and you were humiliated that you found it attractive.

"No. I don't know what your game is here, pal. How did you invade my dreams? Is that your power, to manipulate minds? I want to part in this." You rambled, flames showing from loads of emotion.

His eyes took in your body, admiring in the best and worst kind of ways. His strong stature shifted, his arm coming up. He moved two of his fingers and you felt the soft swirling touch dance up your hip and to your waist. You hit the wall, stunned. He controlled the force that grasped your skin during the day and intimately during the night. His mind took advantage of your body. Clenching your eyes shut, you ignored the warm feeling pooling in your stomach. How could you feel attraction towards someone who violated your being, your soul.

"No powers, just the force. And I didn't violate you, my love. Your body is mine to pleasure." He purred, his body now close to yours.

"You don't own me."

"Yes I do, but you own me as well. That's how it works. The Force has a certain way of letting you know who you're bound to be with. Every time my eyes close, all I see if you. You're my future. My life."

These words froze you.

Life sucked. It sucked, it really did. And especially for you. Your first love was Pietro Maximoff. You knew him from Hydra capturing and trying to test on you. Him and Wanda saw the abuse and protected you. You fell for Pietro too soon. When Age of Ultron happened, his death crushed you, breaking your heart along with Wanda's. You grieved and since then you have not dated. Hearts were fragile and it took too long to glue them back together.

All of the sudden this mysterious man can touch you planets away, get in your mind, and now he reveals that you are bound with him? This was all too much. Bones started to burn, lava branding the surface. Emotion meant an explosion.

Hands, real flesh hands grasped your face. The touch ignited internal sparks and you melted into his soft gaze, "You can trust me, Y/N. Come with me, rule by my side." His pleading tone weakened the knees.

"Rule what? A kingdom of murder?"

He snorted, brushing his thumb lovingly across your cheekbone, "First Order. I'm Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader."

Kylo Ren. Such a name fit the harsh man before you. Broad shoulders, wide chest, presumably 6'5 at least.. another name would do no justice. Kylo Ren. A name that was feared, you assumed. Kylo Ren. You pondered how it would sound coming off of your tongue.

You grudgingly pulled away, "No, I will not, cannot go." You insisted, glaring into his eyes. Soon the harsh look was gone. Honey brown flecks begged you with upmost passion, devoted adoration. Overwhelming visions of loyalty pooled in those very eyes. Begging, almost.

Breathing was constricted due to close proximity. Being so close made it incredibly hard to think, Kylo Ren was almost irresistible, almost. Small hands smacked away the larger ones which angered him, striking a wicked balled up fist in the black wall beside your head, huffing as he shook his hand and glared at the dent. Eyes blazed into yours now.

"Testing me will get you nowhere, little love, because willing or not, together we shall be."

Tension loomed, hanging above them- like a bat hanging upside down on a log, waiting to launch to kill a bug. It could be cut with a knife, into slivers, a sharp blade cutting into flesh. Freedom balanced in the air, leaving with him would strip you of it, but staying would cause destruction. And if Kylo left, something warned his reappearance. Giving up wasn't in his DNA. Supreme Leader seemed that he rarely heard the term no, and even you, the woman that he was bound to, were no exception.

Growing up restrained, lost with no power or say over your own life, you relished present independence. Avenging kept you in check, but choices were still your own to make, but Kylo Ren slipped his way in to wreck it all. Hatred boiled in your chest, bubbling and blistering with disgust festering along the cavity. You had no choice, it seemed. If this man ruled, then he would have an army, and right now the avengers were weak. You had to leave, even if for a while.

Kylo Ren was in charge, and maybe- just maybe he could be the key to beating Thanos. He came from space, a depth, expanse knowledge he would have to possess. Thanos fled after the horrid snap, but where he went was up in the air, a complete dead end.. until Kylo Ren.. he was of use. His compassion seemed genuine, and you could use that as fuel.

Eagerly willing to capture you, Kylo took advantage of the force and slipped into your mind, thoughts zipped like a Nascar race, zooming in circles but one screeched and crashed into the guard wall, blowing up and burning. Kylo focused on the idea that you came up with. You wanted him to help you defeat the Titan. A daring task, he would admit, but anything for his future Empress, for his life-line. You were equivalent to a little bug that he wanted to capture and protect, put it in a jar for safe keeping, and if a rumble with Thanos assured his win, he would take the bait.

"His location is unknown, by me included, as of now. You soon will find that I am a man who can get answers at the snap of fingers." Kylo spoke, snapping them. You flinched at the sound, remembering what occured last you heard the friction between digits. Regret rippled within him at your reaction, hurting or scaring you was unbearable. He was your permanent knight, loyal until his last breath, he wished you already understood that.

"I apologise for the snap. He can't harm you any longer."

Teary eyes met sorrowful brown ones, "That monster took away my family. He hurt me, us- the team, the world, galaxies more than words can begin to express. How are you not mourning too?"

Kylo caught a glimpse of the battle. Rows of warriors lined up, chanting rhythmically in time with the slamming of metal staffs on the ground. King T'challa ranked front with Steve Rogers and Natasha by his side. You swayed side to side, sword gripped left hand, fire blazing in the right a few feet behind them. Alien beasts were released and your sword swung, ready for action.

He remembered using the force at times to deflect the creatures that dared attack you, but only when he sensed you needed it, maybe five times total. Admitting it would not happen because a part of him knew you would be furious that he protected you rather then those who could've used it more. Kylo Ren spent months visiting you invisibly through the force, roaming your mind and body. He knew you.

He saw the battle, but only what was around you, too obsessed with you being safe. He failed to notice key details of the battle, now he saw, witnessed Wanda dropping in front of you and using her red powers to crush the large machines. Captain America slamming beasts with his shield, Bucky shooting round after round, Rhodey and Sam blasting from above, Natasha and Okoye working back to back, and then Thor beamed from blinding light, hammer wiping out enemies. The god's entrance gave an upper advantage. Until Thor arrived, purple titan fighting boldly against all members, deflecting attacks too easily, throwing mighty warriors around like toothpicks.

Wanda screaming as she blasted Visions yellow gem with one hand as the other used her power to keep Thanos back, pained screams scorched her throat at the exertion and sorrow. You were hitting Thanos with fire from the side, tears flowing down your cheeks as Wanda lost the love of her life. It had reminded you of Pietro's death.

Kylo's breath hitched at the reminder of your first love, the man that captured your all too loving heart. Pietro Maximoff was the man who experienced all of your firsts, and Kylo knew that if the quicksliver weren't already dead, his light saber would've ripped him apart. You were his, and he would not allow competition, not when the two of you were made for eachother, bound.

Wanda's yelling halted as she knelt to the ground, life from vision was drained, he was gone. Thanos used his gauntlet to bring him back, tearing out the stone to add to it. Thor came from the sky, deflecting the stones with his axe. He slammed said axe into the Titans chest. But his hand was working, and he snapped. Within seconds bodies around you deteriorated, dust mixing with wind, becoming one. You sobbed, touching the ashes of Wanda as Steve picked you up in his arms.

"Right. Kylo Ren doesn't mourn, huh?" You asked, pulling him out of your thoughts.

"I do, for you. I felt, I feel, your agonizing pain, your troubles, your fears. Thanos will be found, resources are at my disposal, men at my disposal.. endless hunting, but only if you join me, I promise you."

"Don't speak of people as if they are expendable." You whispered, hating that viewpoint.

He smirked, walking closer to you once again, "You are pure, little love. Too good for the world."

"Too good for you then." You grumbled, turning away.

"You were made for me." He corrected.

"Nice. Look, if I agree to go with you, it cannot be at this moment. My things are in New York. We were to leave today, before all hell broke loose."

"Do not fret, stormtroopers can collect such valuables."

You rolled your eyes, "Listening isn't a skill for you, is it?"

"Hmm, suppose not."

[euphxmia-pxtter-blog]

"We live together and you need to borrow my phone to make a text to our mutual friend. When you pull up their name there’s a lengthy convo about how I’m in love with you and it’s terrifying and ‘no I’m not going to tell them’ so I pretend that I didn’t see it and slowly you start building up to telling you I feel the same with little gestures" for sprace? thank you!!

((Okay, so the prompt mayyyy have gotten away from me a little at the end there, but I hope you'll still enjoy this!!)) Spot Conlon was a generally stoic person. Cool, calm, and collected- that was his motto. That wasn't to say he didn't have emotions or that he never expressed them, because he did. But his expressions tended to be subtle; you might miss them if you weren't paying close attention. But one day his steady facade was absolutely shattered, and it all started with five words: "Can I borrow your phone?" He had just entered the living room, approaching his flatmate, Racetrack Higgins, with a favor."Just for a minute," he elaborated. "I dropped mine in the toilet 'cuz I'm a fucking idiot, and I've gotta text Elmer about how I'm supposed to dogsit this evening- he said something about 'very specific, important instructions' that I have to follow or reality may collapse or something." Race rolled his eyes."El and that damn dog, I swear to god. Yeah, you can borrow it." He handed over the device, and Spot slid to the lock screen."I don't know your- wait..." He bit his lip as he considered the possible passwords. After a minute, he tapped out 'RASE'. It worked."How did you do that?" Race asked incredulously. Spot rolled his eyes, but his smile was affectionate."It's easy to guess your codes because you're /such/ a cheesy dork. R.A.S.E- Race, Albert, Spot, Elmer." Race fake-glared, and Spot turned back to the screen. Elmer was already the most recent contact, so Spot just clicked on the conversation... and froze. He was looking at Race and Elmer's most recent texts.ELMER: honestly, dude, you should just ask him out already. I know he likes you backRACE: but what if he doesnnnnnntRACE: I mean, we live together. he's one of my best friends. what happens to all that if he finds out how ridiculously in love with him I am??ELMER: idk bro, but if anyone could work through that you guys can. and I'm still super sure he's into you, just sayinELMER: I g2g, but hang in there, you'll figure it out Spot was stunned. Race was... in love with him? That was crazy! How could Race- how could someone as smart and clever and funny and /good/ as Race- like someone like him? God, he had no idea what to do with this information. His first instinct was to immediately blurt out that he felt the same way, but that would mean telling Race that he'd read his messages and that was... that didn't feel like a good idea. He stole a glance at Race, who was lying on the couch and doodling on his own arm in pen. Spot pressed his lips together to stop from grinning too widely at how cute Race looked doing that. Steeling himself, he quickly typed out,RACE: Umm, this is Spot. I broke my phone so I was texting about dogsitting today but... It took a few minutes for Elmer to respond. Then,ELMER: hOLY SHITELMER: you saw the texts?^^^RACE: Um, yeahRACE: Only I don't know what to do now.ELMER: well do you like him back??RACE: Of course I do! Anyone would be insane not to; I'm surprised Al hasn't sent you screencaps of my endless borderline-poetic ramblings about Racetrack Higgins. It drives him nuts.ELMER: :OELMER: BETRAYED by my own bf wowRACE: Nah, I asked him not to tell. He was just being a good pal. I mean, did he know about Race?ELMER: nope. well, he never got confirmation anyway, but it was, like, pretty fucking obvious RACE: Not to me.RACE: But what do I do now?ELMER: you tell him, dumbass.RACE: And admit I read his texts?ELMER: it was an accident, and he'll find out anyway when he sees all thisRACE: I was going to delete it after.ELMER: orrrrrrrrr you could just tell him you love him backRACE: Ughhhh fine. I hope you know how much I hate you though.ELMER: if course babe ;PRACE: Bye. Spot closed the conversation and passed the phone back to Race, realizing a second too late that he still didn't have any information about his petsitting responsibilities. Ah, well. His friend was already back on the phone, probably playing a game or something. "Hey, Race?" He lowered himself onto the couch, and Race immediately swung his legs onto his lap. Spot grinned."Yeah?""I..." Spot actually had no idea what to say next, so he blurted the first thing that popped into his head. "You have pretty eyes." His own eyes widened in horror when he realized what he just said. Race squinted at him, but there was humor in his gaze."Spotty, you doing okay? Feeling sick or anything?" Spot snorted, simultaneously embarrassed by his words and warm and fuzzy at the use of the childhood nickname."Doing just fine, Race-man," he responded with Race's pet name. Race grinned."So your /perfectly healthy/, perfectly sane-""Questionable.""- self thinks I have pretty eyes?" Spot wasn't blushing. Absolutely not. No chance.... Okay, maybe he was."Yeah, I do," he said, trying to keep his voice steady. He forced himself to hold his roommate's gaze. Race must have seen something in his eyes, because his grin softened into a gentle smile."I like your eyes too," he said, "but my /favorite/ thing about you-" He tapped Spot on the nose. "-is your freckles." Spot smiled widely, surprised but delighted. Very few people noticed the smattering of freckles against the tan skin of his nose, cheeks, and shoulders. "Really?""Yeah. They're like little stars or the paint speckles at the PC." Spot was sure his smile had turned goofy by now. The Pottery Castle- or PC, as they called it- was their favorite place to go on their bi-monthly Best Friend Fun Days. They hung out with Albert and Elmer too once a month, but on the other weeks they went just the two of them, and on those days they almost always went to PC. Neither of the others knew about it."Is that why you always use the speckled paint?" Spot asked, not daring to believe it."You bet it is," Race answered. Even knowing how his crush felt, Spot was stunned. He racked his brain for some way to hint that he saw Race as more than a friend. He could compliment him again, or he thought he'd seen something in an online article about body language, or something about gifts? The ideas sped through his brain so fast he couldn't process, and before he could stop it, Spot's body acted of its own accord. He just leaned over and kissed him. Race stiffened in surprise, but a moment later he melted into the kiss. Spot felt Race smile against his lips, and a joyful giggle rose up in his throat. The kiss was soft and slow, and when they pulled apart their foreheads rested against each other. Their eyes met. "Hi," Race murmured. "Hi," Spot whispered breathily back. They both giggled. "That was...""Long overdue," Race finished, and Spot nodded. He leaned back against the couch cushion."I think you should know that I saw-""I know." Spot's eyebrows shot up."You do? How?""I'm telepathic, didn't you know?" Spot rolled his eyes, chuckling. Race grinned. "Oh, alright. You forgot to delete your messages to Elmer like you meant to." Spot slapped his forehead lightly. "Well, shit." Race shrugged."Not like it didn't work out in the end.""Fair enough." Just then, the phone rang. Race answered it."Jim's whore house- you got the dough, we got the hoe!" Spot snorted and shoved him. Race rolled his eyes, taking the phone away from his ear."It's for you anyway. It's Elmer." Spot took it."Hey, El, what's up?" Elmer sounded agitated when he answered."I'm hoping this is why you originally texted thirty minutes ago, but it's date night and Albert and I reeeaaaally wanna leave, so if you're planning on watching Buttery like you promised, could you kindly get it your ass over here?""Shit, dude, I'm sorry. On my way!""Great. Oh, and... did you get that thing sorted?""Fo'shizzle.""I'm hanging up on you for saying that." The line went dead. Spot grinned at the phone, and then at Race."Hey, any chance you wanna dogsit a spoiled-rotten golden retriever with me this evening?" Race grinned back."I thought you'd never ask."