#note to self perhaps do not stay up past 12am

[lanternlightss]

Ive been ok! Soll haven’t done the second windblume quest but I did end up painting my nails!

Hbu? 🐝

:D!!! and, oooo, nice :O!

i’m doing alright! i was really sleepy today though and kept taking naps XD.

[khangowrites]

Is it a Complaint Essay or is the Workplace Unsuitable?

Ah, what am I writing today? Oh, well I suppose it’s almost 12am. Seems like a good a time as any. I wanted to just jot down a few re-occurring experiences I’ve had in the workplace and sometimes in other social spaces, and attempt to analyze them.

CW: mild mentions of abuse and bodily ailments.

A bit of forward: I tend to mask myself heavily whenever I am in any social situation; whether it be at work, at home, with friends or online (although I’m getting better at being myself on Discord at least. I owe a lot to my friends who accept me and whom I care so much about.) What this means is I often plan out what I’m needed to say in advance of a situation. I have an arsenal of about 5 minutes of small talk before I tank and several small greetings/placations I can cycle through on any given day if I’m not overloaded. I also limit my natural inclination to movement.

It’s called unprofessional/unsightly to sit with your legs folded under you, or to sway and shake your arms and legs back and forth in time to music in your head. But it’s okay if you tap your pencil. Everyone does that.

I have to wonder how noticeable my ‘masked’ self is. How real or fake it appears.

There have been a few trends I’ve seen with the way people treat me as an employee in the time I’ve been in the workforce. For clarity, I am a 23 year old 5’1” AFAB person with a face that looks like it stopped aging when I was 12. I’m non-binary, but I’ve seen that many have a hard time using a different pronoun for me because I look ‘so feminine’. I had one old man repeatedly tell me that my body was too pretty and that I shouldn’t hide it and ‘pretend’ to be something else. I was and still am quite unsettled and disgusted by that comment.

I haven’t used my full preferred pronouns at work simply based in fear of being fired or discriminated against further. Same thing at home- I haven’t told all my family out of fear. I may look back on this at some future date where I fully respect myself and I’m confident. I look forward to that day.

Oh, and I’m autistic.

Perhaps it is one of these things or all of them that cause people to treat me certain ways. I’d like to find out.

I worked outdoors at an Orchard for a season. They called me Cinderella because of the way I looked when I cleaned. They gave employees gloves and heaters. Only not me. When I asked, I was given a broken one and told to fix it. A coworker who had intellectual disabilities and poor eyesight was not offered a heater at all. I did not renew for the next season. Kim and I stayed in touch though.

I worked next at a gift shop at a historical site. I loved the history and the old buildings, but the cashier work was admittedly difficult. Most of the employees were kind, retired old ladies who treated me gently, like a child. Sometimes too much like a child. The assistant manager seemed wary of me, and she often avoided me. I don’t know why. I’m not good with eye contact, and I always fear that people will mistake my zoning out as being creepy or disrespectful; maybe it was that. She never brought her kids with her on days I worked.

The head manager was courteous, but always called me Special. We had an older man work in the last 2 years I was there who had a strong inclination to associate with the children at the shop, and in turn, me as well. He would always want a hug or pat me on the back, but ignored the other workers. I told the managers my uncomfortable feelings about him, but it went mostly unnoticed.

When it was found that I was decent with computers, I was tasked with entering jewelry into the system and creating labels with number associations. I enjoyed it, and they promised me a decent raise. My pay was raised a dollar several weeks later, and I found myself being tasked with more and more computer work, to the point of becoming an office manager myself, earning a grand total of 9 dollars an hour while my counterpart who started a year earlier owned a home on the same work.

I left that job after 4 years to be the music director at a local church. I love music and was excited. Maybe too excited. I developed acid re-flux and was hospitalized the week before my start day due to a panic attack. I realize now it was from stress. I also had an ovarian cyst removed a year later- it took up my entire pelvis and its formation was also attributed to stress. I’ve since been diagnosed with generalized anxiety, and I continue to have ever changing digestive issues, muscle problems and panic attacks.

After realizing I was autistic and also non-binary, so much of the stress of life started to make sense. The past few months I have been making life changes, and working towards finding a workplace that is accommodating and safe for me. My stress has lessened.

I worked at the church for 2 years. My last day is actually at the end of this month. As is the trend, I was not treated with respect when it came to my job. My pastor started choosing the hymns over me, and would make comments about me during services. His favorite was to say that my music made him fall asleep, and wait for laughter from the congregation. He had no musical knowledge, and forced me to play every song as fast as I possibly could. He didn’t believe I could do my job. Any attempts at mutual work failed to manifest. I unfortunately was groomed by a member of the hiring committee there as well, a type of abuse I didn’t even realize I had fallen into until several months after it was too late.

I currently work at a high school as a choir accompanist. I use she/they pronouns there, but no one uses they and I’m too worried to be fully they like I am outside of work. I am wary of soiling my relationship with the director further. She’s quite religious in the ‘gays don’t have rights’ way, so I have my fears.

The director is kind, but sees me as this innocent child that happens to have natural piano abilities, and the mutual respect that I’ve come to dream of just isn’t there again.

The director has the key to the doors and lets students in without fail, but conveniently forgets to let me in almost every day. At one time, I was in physical therapy and had a hard time standing and walking for any period of time. I almost went home because she didn’t answer any communication, class started 20 minutes previously, and it was 90 degrees outside and I needed to sit down because my legs were cramping. She plans the music weeks in advance, but doesn’t give them to me until the day the students get it, despite my repeated asking for time to prepare.

One day I was on zoom and she and the student teacher greeted me and then ignored my presence and played the piano herself for class. She struggled with the parts and commented to the choir that, “wow, Ms. Khango is actually pretty dang good at this- that little girl can play!”, but didn’t listen to me when I offered to play. I left the zoom after an hour.

The online students seemed to share my surprise at least, and I am grateful to them. They kept me grounded and reminded me that I matter and should have the same respect as everyone else in the room, zoom or not. They talk to me about not being heard and their chats not being read during class. It bothered me, too. The next week I brought it up to her in the form of making sure the zoom students were heard and she quickly dismissed it, like it was a puff of smoke. The students online now ask me questions directly and I relay them. It’s met with annoyance by the director.

They have voices too.

One of the scariest moments of my life was last week- I wore my ‘disability rights are human rights’ shirt to school. (Okay, maybe not scary to some, but it very much was for me.) After class, one of the students came to me and asked if I could help him find a way for his grandfather to get a seat at the concert, as he was disabled and he didn’t know how to proceed.

It filled me with joy to help him, and it filled me with rage when the teachers asked if his grandpa could just get out of the wheelchair instead.

My overall conclusion to all of these things is that people simply don’t understand, or don’t want to because it makes their lives harder.

Is discrimination and ignorance really easier than respecting people?

I’m not sure if this is all just one big complaint essay. I guess it is. What I needed to do was write it all out. All the things that make me uneasy or feel like lesser of a person. And I wanted to know why.

I note that at every job I am perceived as a child, or as someone naïve. I am not treated the same as another adult employee. I was ostracized for my way of moving and talking. Taken advantage of. My needs were not accommodated.

Even now, I feel guilt for writing this, like I’m just playing the victim for attention or something.

I want to be strong enough to stand up to it and ask to be treated with respect and have it follow through.

I want to unmask myself more and let myself move and talk naturally, and use my real pronouns.

My respect for myself and for others must become a powerful force.

My friends on discord- my real, genuine friends, have become monumental in my life. Most of my life I did not have true friends. Without them and their unconditional love and support, I would not be where I am right now. We are all equals. I want to embody that strong respect and bring it to others.

It’s getting late. 1 a.m. now. Well, I have tomorrow. Plenty of time for Star Trek.

[sunnynoki]

Goodbye to Halos - How Fenic (The Main Protagonist) is Fenic (The Lost Princess)

Ok y’all buckle up because it’s about to be a wild ride.

FIRST OFF: READ GOODBYE TO HALOS. It has incredibly good writing and art and characterization!!! Fenic, the main protag, is a trans lesbian!! The other protags include (but are not limited to) a genderqueer gay lion and a poly wlw! I’ll post a link in the notes so this post shows up in tags, but a search of “Goodbye to Halos” will get you there in the first link!

Also cred to @demi-virgo​ for encouraging me to make this ;w;

Ok so I don’t know how to format this so let’s just start from the first hint and go from there.

And one more important note: Current Fenic will be referred to as just Fenic, and her mom will be referred to as The Lost Princess.

HINT ONE: THE MAAVE

So maave’s are, as a refresher, the mark under a Shade’s eye. They are a unifying trait of the shades (Along with horns and magic, but less so as they aren’t retained in children of Shades and Wildren, but I digress). But there are also "no two alike in form and color”, as Enae put it.

Which is WEIRD because 

Yeah. Impossible. UNLESS... THE LOST PRINCESS AND FENIC ARE THE SAME PERSON! And not in an amnesia kinda way, but in a restarting life kinda way. But we’ll get to that. 

Addendum: 

The wording of “you are very, very closely related to The Lost Princess” is weird when Enae already knows that Fenic is the lost princess’s daughter. Also the rest of this page speaks for itself I think. “Lost princess was immortal”, “There’s no other Fenics” (especially Fenics with that maave and other traits like red hair). This establishes that Fenic and the Lost Princess look similar, if not alike/identical. This will be essential in hint three.

Continued under the cut because I got a loooooottttt more ;3

HINT TWO: GOD’S BLESSING

So as the fight continues, God Herself literally steps in. Well, an avatar of Her’s, later named a Godeye.

God intercepted the knife from hitting Fenic. I won’t post the entire scene here, but basically God shoots the knife at Enae, wounding her BAD. But as God goes to send another attack, Fenic comes in and stands between the two. And then She freaks out????

Now maybe God isn’t a god, but God is just Her name? Also interesting is how She is the only one to use lower case, and only when She says “I”. But that’s another post, as I digress...

God Herself is asking forgiveness from Fenic? After Fenic asked (with her actions” for God not to attack Enae? Enae later talks about this in the following chapter:

“And that girl... blessed by God, she’s the only other one who can sway Her heart. Fenic...”

And who else was blessed by God? The Lost Princess. Before this, Fenic has had no reason to be blessed by god besides being related to the (immortal, may i remind you) lost princess who "died” before Fenic can remember. 

(Also another digression... the only other one? Who is the one Fenic is the “other one” off of? Maybe The Dead Princess? Maybe the old empress? Both are dead, but it’s phrased that she’s one of two, and coming off this theory, perhaps she and The Dead Princess pair up to be the two that can sway God’s heart.)

HINT THREE: ASHER AND TAHMONAI

So their meeting has a ton of different sentences that lead towards this theory, so I’m just going to group them all here. (Note: Enae is narrating and Asher and Tahmonai are talking about The Lost Princess. Tahmonai morphed to The Lost Princess to ask if Asher has seen her.)

“The person you’re looking for... she doesn’t exist anymore” and “That, too was-- somehow -- not true” and “[The Lost Princess] is really immortal too”... these statements don’t have a lot of intersections in the venn diagram of where they can all be true. The only fact that I can think of that does make them true is that Fenic is the rebirth of The Lost Princess. Continuing onto the next page...

There’s a lot to break down here:

“She... was a dear friend of mine.” Meaning The Lost Princess was a friend, not a romantic interest with whom he would have a child with.

“Someone I was lucky enough to know all my life, even if she only knew me for a fraction of her’s.” Implying that The Lost Princess was MUCH older than Asher. Immortality, anyone?

“But there are... circumstances now. Nothing will come of this, Tahmonai.” If this theory is true, then those circumstances are that The Lost Princess doesn’t have her memories, she restarted her life. She isn’t the same person. It clicks.

“Stay in my office. I’ll make arrangements.” Implying he is going to see The Lost Princess to arrange a sort of meeting. But instead he goes to Fenic to send her through the portal. Funny writing there, don’t you think?

After Asher sends Fenic through the portal...

“Did I do the right thing, old friend...?” The name “old friend” is being used here to denote he’s talking about The Lost Princess. Perhaps where she/her reborn self just went through the portal?

“I have to believe this is what you wanted.” (The word “wanted” can be seen if you zoom in close, at least at full resolution). Keyword: “this”. Not “that”. “This” means something that is near, something that was just there. Why would he use “this” for something from someone who is dead? No, what if she, or a version of herself, was just there? And what exactly she, The Lost Princess, wanted? We’ll get to that in hint five.

TO THE NEXT PAGE!

PROBABLY THE HEAVIEST PAGE OF THEM ALL

“I already told you the person you’re looking for doesn’t exist anymore.” Not died, “doesn’t exist anymore.” Specific choice of words!

“Not in a way that’s useful to you.” As in she no longer has her memories, perhaps? That she’s currently a 15 year old? 

“And before she left, she told me...” Before she LEFT. Not died! LEFT!

“That she didn’t want her past to haunt her anymore.” THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT IN HINT FIVE.

“She started over.” BAM. PROBABLY THE CORNERSTONE OF THIS THEORY. Combine these three words with the rest of the theory, and you get the conclusion that “starting over” means something along the lines of reincarnation. But I’ll get to the reincarnation bit later. 

SO THATS ALL UP TO WHERE THE COMIC IS RIGHT NOW! BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE REREAD?

HINT FOUR: FENIC AS A NAME

Now this one is a little shorter but in the prologue we see Fenic name herself for the first time.

After being called a lady, she sorta panics as, like, what’s she gonna do, give her a boy’s name when she’s a girl and just been called that? And her first instinct is to go with her mother’s name. Like, sure, maybe it’s because she think’s “girl’s name go” and the girl/woman/female closest to her is her mom. But I like to think it’s an instinct to keep the same name. It could be read either way, but I feel like it was worth mentioning. 

ALONG WITH A BONUS THEORY. The Lost Princess is trans. I’ve been thinking about how The Lost Princess would restart, and seeing how the maave is the same, the body is likely the same as well, implying a restart like that of a phoenix. Sorta. Meaning that the AGAB is the same. Maybe Asher didn’t know if restarting life would retain trans-ness or w/e OR he didn’t know The Lost Princess was trans. Either way he went with AGAB, clearly. I like to think that The Lost Princess spent a lot of time thinking about her name so it’s really ingrained in her so that it’s an instinct to be called Fenic :]

HINT FIVE: WHY?

So. That mystery chapter huh? Here’s a proposal- who we see is The Lost Princess.

Think about it, the person we see doesn’t have horns or some sort of tail or animal ears, eliminating someone who is purely Shade or Wildren. This leaves Fenic, The Dead Princess, or The Lost Princess, all born of both species. The hair doesn’t match The Dead Princess’s hair, so that eliminates her. 

This leaves the Fenics, whose hair DO match, assuming The Lost Princess and Fenic have the same hair texture, which in the frame of what has been discussed, it does. 

NOW THIS PAGE

Feels like a reason to be reborn to me.

Granted, this chapter, LITERALLY TITLED “premonition” and the names at the beginning could EASILY be shortened for Clairissa and Enae, who would’ve been only babies or unborn when The Lost Princess was around. This is VERY likely in the future, with Fenic. But I only realized this after I started referring to it earlier in the post, so no going back. 

But maybe it’s salvageable. Maybe Fenic is having the same thoughts as The Lost Princess. The Lost Princess, as stated in hint three, didn’t want the past to haunt her anymore. So she chose to forget in a new life, reborn. 

Maybe Fenic is thinking about following in her mother’s footsteps.

This premonition chapter, along with the whole other conspiracy board of “What’s up with Salin (The Dead Princess) and Tahmonai?”, have me very concerned for the future. 

Afterword

Thank you so much for getting this far ;w; I hope and pray that I made literally any sense. As I was collecting pages to put in here, I noticed that this is quite a common theory if the comment section of the pages is anything to go by. I thought so too before all this, so I didn’t really want to put the effort into a post, but Virgo encouraged me to make it anyway sooooo 

Either way, this can still work as a collection of evidence, and an archive on our, or at least my, thoughts on “What’s up with the Fenics” question! Hopefully later down the line we can look at this and be like, “called it!” or, “honey, you’ve got a big storm coming.” 

I could go on about the implications of this theory, but that’s another post of this length tbhhhhhhhhh and also its uh. 12am LOL.

Please reblog this to spread the theory! Even if it’s common, spread it to convince people to read gth? :pleading: I spent like. 2-3 hours on this to try to get my wording right and cohesive, which is really hard for me as I’m very much more an artist than a writer haaaaaaaaa

Thank you so much for reading again! Good morning, good afternoon, good night <3