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[atonceonline-blog]

Equal Parenting and Building an Equal Relationship 

We talk a lot about the importance of equal parenting. We talk a lot about valuing caregiving. We know that equality will come with a new generation of feminist men. But practical issues of equality in our personal lives still loom large. How do we have these conversations with ourselves and with our partners? How do discuss the most personal topic of domestic equality in a way that doesn’t feel like an indictment of bad parenting to our partner? Just listen to this podcast! Dr BraVada Garrett-Akinsanya’s beautiful yet practical take on this topic was music to my ears! She leaves us with this thought:

You are connected to me. I value you. I love you. I respect you. And because I hold you in such high esteem, I will do what I can to maximize your joy and minimize your pain. That is what relationships are about, that is intimacy and that is what it means to show true egalitarian support. We can do it. It just takes work. 

This podcast (Along with Anne Marie Slaughter’s book “Unfinished Business”) are indispensable tools in finding parity in our homes. Have a listen to the podcase via  HERE

[atonceonline-blog]

As mother's, the cultural norm tells us to sacrifice everything. To try to be everything to everyone. The pervasive guilt we feel is driven from this message. That no matter what we do, in parenting, in work, in love, we are not enough. That the person’s needs to forfeit are our own. We internalize this message and accept it, and then are mystified by our own exhaustion and desolation.

Jada Pinkett Smith's clarity of purpose, strength of message and willingness to expose her daughter to some hard truths is a beautiful gift of life and hope for all of us. She tells her daughter, Willow:

"We are here to assist you. We can't make your life for you and we can't help you with the things we don't know. But you have to remember this, you always have to take care of yourself first and foremost. Because when you stop taking care of yourself first, you get out of balance and you really forget how to take care of others." - Jada Pinkett Smith

see the whole video:

"Feminist writer and activist Audre Lorde famously wrote: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” We tend to view mental well-being on an individual level, believing that stress only affects us because of our individual situations and capabilities. However, when we acknowledge that these immense pressures come from outside sources and affect us collectively, the idea of self-care becomes something that we feel safe asking for." - BY BRENNA MCCAFFREY Read more here: On The Radical Act of Self-Care