#now i face the dilemma of if i tag ren at all

[nyxengale]

Made a magnet for @liloinkoink ‘s lamplight au because this silly little paladin and his fire god have taken over my entire brain <3

[charliedawn]

DEFECTIVE GOOD

PART 15:

Warning: Emotional support cat mentioned 🤣

JR was looking at Rey training and smiled to herself. She had advanced quite a lot and by what she could see, she was rapidly becoming stronger and talented with wielding the Force. As days passed, so did JR’s dilemma as she kept glancing down at the transmitter around her wrist. She hadn’t contacted General Hux in weeks. What was she meant to do now ?

She knew he would probably not understand.

She sighed and then thought about Lord Kylo Ren. She had promised him to keep an eye on Rey, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to come back to the life she had left. She wasn’t meant to be here. She wasn’t meant to be free…

She sighed before her eyes and ears captured a conversation between Rey and Luke.

"Ren failed you, but I will be better. I promise." Rey told Luke whose eyes widened as he sighed and replied with a shake of his head.

"I see the same power in you. The Force is not easy to control. Anyone can be swayed by it and turn to the Dark Side by fear or anger…"

JR listened carefully and she frowned slightly before thinking about it. Ren used to be Luke Skywalker’s apprentice…When had things started to get out of hand ? Lord Kylo Ren had confided in her that he had felt as if his voice didn’t matter…that someone had betrayed him. Could that someone be Luke Skywalker ?

She shook her head.

No. He wouldn’t do that. Luke was a hero and surely trained him well, but then…why ?

Suddenly, Luke spotted her and sighed before walking towards her and crossed her arms over her chest.

"A stormtrooper shouldn’t be eavesdropping." He warned and JR gulped.

"B—But I am not a stormtrooper. Not anymore."

Luke frowned before grabbing her arm and whispering.

"Aren’t you ? Really ?"

JR’s is eyes widened at the clear doubt and suspicion in Luke Skywalker’s voice and she couldn’t say anything. Luke huffed a mock laugh before shaking his head and releasing her.

"…As long as you won’t know who you are, you will never be able to see the path the Force has chosen for you, JR-6025." Luke said and JR’s eyes widened at his words. She had never told him her stormtrooper tag name before…

She stayed there—stunned. She then reluctantly walked away. When Rey’s training was finished for the day, JR came to her and asked:

"I heard you talk about Lord Ren. Tell me. Do you know what happened ?"

Rey sighed and shrugged before looking up at her.

"Ren was getting out of control and Luke had no choice but to stop him. Lord Ren then massacred all the other students at the Jedi Temple and…left." Rey turned her gaze away. "Ben betrayed him and became Lord Kylo Ren. And now, Luke sees him in me…"

JR looked at Rey before smiling.

"Then, he is wrong. Your power may be as great as his, but your heart is nothing like his."

Rey smiled back at her friend’s confidence before looking up at the sky.

"The sun is falling. We should go and get some rest."

JR nodded in agreement.

"You’re right. Goodnight, Rey."

Rey nodded in acknowledgment.

"Goodnight, JR."

As soon as Rey walked away, JR sighed heavily. So, Kylo Ren had betrayed Luke Skywalker, huh? She would never have guessed such a thing could have occurred.

However, she couldn't help but wonder what else Luke had not told her. There must have been more to the story. Why did Ren betray Luke in the first place? It couldn't be simply because he felt his voice didn't matter.

As she walked back to her room, JR couldn't shake off her fears and unanswered questions. She would have to find the answers by herself.

A few hours later:

JR-6025 was sitting nearby the fire—staring at it. She thought of her dream...of leading the galaxy to a better future—to get the war to stop. Was it really possible ? She buried her face in her arms and even though she had the urge to look out and ask the stars for guidance—she stopped herself. She had only ever wished to help...but now, the universe seemed to tell her that the only way to do so was to betray the First Order ? How could she kill Rey ? How could she steal the galaxy’s last hope ?

"JR-6025..." She heard her name and slowly raised her head—not expecting Kylo Ren to be standing there.

She immediately stood up and looked around in a panic. She hoped Rey or Luke wouldn’t sense his presence.

"Lord Ren. You shouldn't be here. You are going to blow my cover !"

He nodded.

"I know. I will not stay for long." He looked back—as if checking that he was truly alone-before turning back towards JR. "How far is Rey in her training ?"

She frowned.

"How do you know that I am with her ?"

He chuckled—as if the answer was obvious.

"Because I know that Hux asked you to spy on her. I also know that he asked you to kill her, but I can see that you've kept your promise. I am...grateful for it."

JR nodded understandingly before she replied.

"She is very skilled. Skywalker is training her well."

Kylo Ren nodded in return before looking around.

"Good. Can you see my surroundings ? I cannot see yours." He asked and she sighed before making sure the door was locked before answering him.

"No. I cannot." She confirmed before thinking about a change of subject. She then asked hesitantly.

"How is...the general ?"

Kylo Ren looked uneasy as he confessed.

"Hux is worried. He doesn't want people to know, but I know he is worried. His mind is troubled. You have gone silent for over a month and he thinks you might be dead. I decided to come and check for myself. I am glad to see that he is wrong."

He smiled and JR smiled back before looking away. JR felt guilty for worrying General Hux, but she knew she had no choice.

"I cannot talk to him. Not now." He confessed and thought Kylo would ask her why, but his answer surprised her.

"Then talk to me." He suggested and JR looked back at him with a small frown of confusion.

"Something is troubling you." He insisted. "Let me know what and maybe will I be able to help."

JR hesitated about sharing her dilemma with him. She opened her mouth, but quickly closed it. She couldn’t tell him. He didn’t care about her. He only cared about Rey. She wasn’t about to let him confuse her and trust him when she pertinently knew the risks.

On one hand, she was terrified of telling him too much and regretting it later. But on the other hand, she found herself compelled by his words and desire to help.

She finally shook her head.

"Lord Kylo Ren. Please. Leave." JR was exhausted and the thought alone of the days to come was enough to make her wish she had never tried to join or spy on the Resistance in the first place. Kylo Ren didn’t leave however and wordlessly sat down next to JR-6025. He then looked down at her and asked.

"What is it ?", he asked and JR-6025 knew she shouldn't be talking to him—especially now. But, he was the only one who seemed to have ever been honest with her. She took a deep breath before answering. She didn't want to be a burden, but she knew she could talk to him.

"I am lost, Lord Kylo Ren." Her eyes glistened as she stared into the flames.

"I am trying to make sense of the future—of what will come." She paused and then, without preamble, she blurted it out. "But I am starting to doubt. Am I meant to be here ? Pretending to be helping Rey ? Spying for Hux ? My life was always dictated by those above me, with no regard for me, my desires, or the life I wanted."

As she spoke, she was thinking of how she was never truly free. She was always told what to do, forced to do this or that. All in the name of a good cause.

And at the end ? What had it all led to ?

"I do not have control and..." Her voice quivered as she finally realized what she had spent her life running away from. "I am scared."

He frowned.

"Is it because of something Luke Skywalker said ?"

She shook her head negatively.

"No...It has nothing to do with him...I just..." She paused and took a deep breath. "...I just don't want to suffer...or make anyone I care about suffer."

Kylo huffed.

"And you believe staying by HIS side would keep you safe ? Would keep us safe ? You genuinely think HE is the best option ?"

"I think..." She paused again as she searched for the words. "I am scared. My entire life has been filled with bad options. Death and torture seem to be the only thing the Force wants out of me..."

The thought made her heart race and she shook her head as if to ward off the idea.

Kylo Ren’s eyes hardened.

"And yet, you still believe that you should stay with the man who decided to make all the worst decisions. The man who tried to KILL me."

Kylo stared at her.

"He will misguide you." Kylo Ren scoffed and looked away. "You think Skywalker knows better ? He knows nothing. The man is a liar. He will disappoint you…like he has disappointed me."

Kylo Ren watched as JR struggled to keep her composure. Her fear of the future and the uncertainty of her life was palpable. With each statement, he felt his own anger boiling inside him. The anger he had felt all those years, with Luke's betrayal.

"He isn't the hero you think he is…He lies to hide his true intentions. He's only acting in his own self-interest."

JR smiled sadly at him before gently holding his wrist and replying.

"Rey told Luke that you had failed him. But, I do not believe it. I believe that you were both scared. I believed that he saw things that the Force showed him…things of his past. And then, he couldn’t bear to face them again. I do not think that either of you were fautive, just afraid."

Kylo looked away and sighed.

"Do you really trust him ?"

She hesitated.

"I trust him to train Rey." She said and Kylo shook his head before he sneered. He couldn’t believe that she would trust Skywalker…

"You really think he is so great ? Then ask him about the WHITE GRAVEYARD." He said and JR’s brow furrowed in confusion.

"White Graveyard ? What are you talking about ?"

Kylo Ren stood up straight and glared at her.

"Ask him. And you will see." And with that Kylo Ren was gone. His spiritual manifestation was gone and all that was left was JR and her questions. The question left JR utterly lost...She had no clue what the "White Graveyard" meant. Was it a place ? Was it a metaphor for something else ?

What could it mean ?

JR was left in a daze of confusion. Her mind raced that night as she tried to make sense of what Kylo had said. Was the White Graveyard something important ? Did it mean something that she didn't know about ?

In her scramble for answers, she felt a wave of frustration wash over her. She was sick of being kept in the dark. She was determined to find the truth about the White Graveyard, and she would start with Luke Skywalker.

The next day, she got up early to find him and found him meditating. She stood before him and Luke frowned at her interruption of his well-deserved solitude…He was about to speak when she cut him to it.

"What is the White Graveyard ?" She asked and Luke’s eyes snapped open before looking back at her with a shocked expression.

"How…How do you know about that place ?"

JR remained silent and Luke sighed.

"HE told you, didn’t he ?"

Luke didn’t even need to ask—he already knew the answer.

"Follow me." Luke said quietly, gesturing for her to follow him. She hesitated before finally following him. He seemed to be walking towards the edge of the small island...

When they arrived at the edge, her eyes widened at the thousands of stormtroopers’ helmets gathered there. She gasped and took a step back. She was taken aback and looked at Skywalker for an explanation.

"...The past..." Luke murmured, still looking at the helmets. "...It always finds its way back..."

At the edge of the island, there were thousands of helmets on the ground...All stacked on top of each other...It reminded JR of a graveyard for soldiers.

"These helmets used to belong to soldiers in the Empire...Those who refused to give up on their beliefs and devotion towards the Empire after the war." Luke eventually explained, his voice low and somber...

"W—What happened to them ?" She asked—afraid of the answer.

"They died..." Luke said, in a soft voice. "...I came here because I thought that by isolating myself...I would be able to escape the cycle..." he said, his voice still low and somber. He pointed at some of the most recent helmets. "But they still found me..."

There was a hint of defeat in his voice...

"…Y—You killed them all ?" JR came to the horrifying conclusion and looked shocked at the sheer number of them.

He didn't answer her directly...

"...I made a choice..." he replied after a while. "I made a choice. And the stormtroopers suffered the consequences..."

She felt anger in her heart.

"…How many ?"

Luke closed his eyes.

"...Hundreds...Thousands..." he counted vaguely—unable to give her a precise number.

"You…I thought you were a hero." Her eyes started watering. "…You killed them. For what ?"

"I had my reasons." Luke stated. "...I was trying to save the galaxy, to bring to it peace..."

JR couldn’t believe her ears.

She thought Luke was so righteous and good, and now she was hearing about the White Graveyard, and how he had slaughtered hundreds—if not thousands—of people. Or her people. People like her. The anger inside her boiled, and the tears in her eyes began falling, but she couldn’t bring herself to say anything for a while.

She gritted her teeth.

"DOES THAT LOOK LIKE PEACE TO YOU ?!"

She raised her voice as she picked up a helmet and shoved it against Skywalker’s chest. Luke was momentarily stunned when she raised her voice at him before he raised his voice as well—tired and frustrated by her accusation.

"WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO ?!" he yelled back. Luke grabbed the helmet and threw it to the ground. "IT WAS THE ONLY WAY ! THE ONLY WAY !"

"LIAR !" She screamed. "YOU HAD THE CHOICE ! THERE IS ALWAYS A CHOICE ! THEY DIDN’T !" She pointed at the helmets and Luke’s gaze hardened.

"DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN THE REPUBLIC FELL ?! DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT LED TO ?! THE EMPIRE ?! THE FIRST ORDER ?!" He yelled, his voice becoming angrier with each spoken word. "THE RESISTANCE ?! THE RESISTANCE WAS LOSING ! I DID THE ONLY THING I COULD DO !"

She shook her head.

"YOU KILLED THEM ! AND THEN YOU HID ! YOU DESTROYED INSTEAD OF SAVING ! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SAVE THEM !" She started crying. "You were supposed to save us…"

Luke was momentarily taken aback when he saw her crying, but he shook his head and his voice cracked as he tried to defend himself.

"I...I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO !" he yelled back—his voice trembling. "I MADE THE HARDEST CHOICE. IT HAD TO BE DONE !"

He felt guilty and hopeless and sad and desperate.

"I COULDN'T SAVE THEM ALL ! I COULDN'T ! I COULDN'T...NOT AFTER WHAT THE EMPIRE HAD DONE !"

JR looked at the helmet on the ground and her heart sunk, tears beginning to stream down her face. She suddenly felt so much. Anger. Sadness. Sorrow. She could feel it all building up inside of her.

"H—How did it get to this point...?" She asked, her voice cracking slightly. "How did we get to a point where someone like you had to take such a cruel decision...?"

She hit his chest and sobbed.

"How could you ?!"

Luke didn't react to the hit. He only looked at her with a sorrowful expression.

"...I-I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I am not the hero you were expecting. " He whispered to her. He couldn't stand seeing her like this. It was hard enough seeing all the helmets. But when he saw her crying. It caused him almost as much pain...

His heart was breaking...

"…Kylo Ren told me you had tried to kill Ben Solo. Is it true ?" She continued and Luke closed his eyes. Another mistake.

"...Yes..." He said, still not looking at her. But he said it in a much more quiet and resigned voice now. His shoulders slumped, and he finally looked away from the sea...But not directly at HER...He could see countless mistakes spread out before him. All his. JR stopped crying and wiped away the remaining tears.

"...Why...?" She asked with tears in her eyes. She wanted to know why the man she thought was the hero she could trust had failed so spectacularly when it really mattered to her. "Why didn't you try to save Ben Solo...? Why didn't you..."

Tears streamed down her face and she could barely muster her next couple of words...

"...I couldn't take the risk..." He confessed. "I knew what he could become...I had seen it...The darkness was too strong in him...And he hadn't shown a hint of change..."

Luke was staring at the sea, still avoiding eye contact with her.

"...So I did it...I made the choice..." He concluded and JR gritted her teeth in frustration.

"…He had goodness in him. You know that he could have been swayed." Her jaw twitched.

"...I saw that...I saw the goodness...But..." He was silent...And he looked as if he was struggling for words. "...It wasn't enough...He was too far gone...So I tried...I tried to kill him...In his sleep...I-I..."

"…If only you had just listened to him. Why is it that the Force doesn’t tell you to listen ? Listen to the hearts of those you love and those you hate ? Listen to their pain and sorrows and try to understand instead of destroying ? The Force is not a bless…but a curse." She took a step back and looked down at the helmets once more. "So many lives lost because nobody listened…"

Luke was silent. She was right, but it was too late now. He couldn’t take it back. He had been too blind to see it...Or maybe he had been too blinded by fear...Too busy trying to prevent a hypothetical catastrophe...He had forgotten the simple fact that the most powerful weapon in the whole galaxy was compassion.

"I am…sorry." He finally uttered again and JR’s eyes softened. She could hear that it was genuine. She sighed. She knew she couldn’t blame him for saving his own life. No. But, there was another reason behind her anger. She had always followed the First Order and its rules. And she knew that it could have been her down there. Both sides didn’t care about stormtroopers. Stormtroopers were simple side casualties.

And it scared her.

Her lips trembled as she heard him...Her own anger had melted away and she could barely think...He was right...She wanted to say something...Some words of forgiveness...

Some words of reassurance...

Something...Anything.

"I..." She started, though her voice sounded so choked and choked up that she couldn't even continue. All she did was look down at the helmets once more, taking in the sheer size of the graveyard...

Luke watched JR, noticing the anger in her slowly melt away as the weight of his confession sunk in. He was finally being honest with someone, and he felt relieved, but also guilty, considering the fact that the stormtroopers that laid there used to be just like her.

He watched as she looked down at the graveyard, watching as she looked at the helmets one by one. He noticed her lips beginning to tremble. He was scared that she would lash out at him again. That was why he had been avoiding eye contact in the first place.

"…I think I need to be alone for a while." She simply said.

Luke said nothing. He had been trying to avoid looking her in the eyes, but now, he couldn’t avoid it. He saw the sorrow on her face, he saw the hurt in her eyes, he saw the pain in her expression.

He stayed silent as she stated that she needed to be alone, and he didn’t try to stop her.

"Alright…" He said calmly, "I understand…Take as much time as you need…"

And with that, he was gone…She took a deep breath as her her eyes landed on the many white helmets. She took one and slowly put it back on her head. She then sat down and stared far ahead…She however soon felt a presence beside her and she didn’t need to look next to her to know who it was.

"…When I was still a student of Skywalker, he used to have the same kind of White Graveyard near the temple. It was to remember. Once I became Kylo Ren, we sent many stormtroopers across the galaxy to retrieve Skywalker. None of them came back and when we found their bodies—their helmets were missing…"

A deep sense of horror washed through JR as she heard the story about the lost stormtroopers.

She was a stormtrooper herself, one of the countless faceless soldiers that served the First Order without question. The thought that her fellow stormtroopers could be killed and left to die—without any regard for their lives—was a horrifying reality.

She continued to stare at the helmets, this time trying to imagine the faces of the stormtroopers that once wore them. She felt a sense of sorrow and regret wash over her as she thought about their death.

"I wanted you to see this. For you to see that the Force makes victims on both sides. You cannot win a war without casualties." Kylo Ren said.

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"You have lost hope. And I am trying to keep it alive. To believe that one day I could live in a world without war."

"I cannot afford to have false hope..." He replied harshly. "You dream of a world that cannot exist."

He paused as he leaned back against a rock.

"It is far from reality. Sometimes...some people have to die for others to live. Sometimes...there isn't any hope. I am only acknowledging that fact."

"…Maybe so…" She mused. "But, I want to try."

"And perhaps you are just being naive..." Another silence. "Perhaps it is better not to hope than to hope to save everyone and...end up saving no one..."

He looked away. He was trying to convince himself. She seemed so...optimistic about things. Perhaps, too optimistic. He felt anger bubble inside him. They were on two different worlds...Two worlds that would be on a collision course soon...She was destined to pick the wrong side, and he knew it.

"Do you not see it...?" Kylo's voice was harsh—almost taunting. "You care about everyone...too much. You care about the general, Rey, and even me..."

He let that last word hang in the air.

"If it came down to you and any of us...Who would you decide to save ?" He asked cryptically and JR hesitated.

"…I would find another way. There is another way. There will always be another way." She insisted and Kylo huffed and shook his head.

"You didn't answer the question..." There was no doubt in his voice or gaze. "Answer the question."

"…Lord Ren. I…" She was stuck and she finally sighed in defeat. "I couldn’t choose between two sides of me. You or them. You are asking me to choose something I cannot poss decide upon…I would never choose to value a life over another. I just wish to build myself a better future."

"And what of my better future ?" His voice had hardened. "You only see one path...But, you cannot save everyone. Someone will have to be sacrificed. And somehow, you still haven't figured out that it will be you..."

She stayed silent and looked away. She knew he was right…If she persisted on trying to save everyone or not hurt any of them, she would probably end up destroying herself.

"There it is. You see what I mean, don’t you ?" His voice was triumphant as he spoke. "If you cannot choose between two sides...Then you will always be torn apart." He paused as he looked at her intensely. "You wish to make a difference in this war. To change the future. To change ME...But, you don't have the strength nor the skill for it. You have no idea which path is the correct one. You are only delaying the inevitable..."

She forced herself to remain calm. She couldn’t give in to anger. She couldn’t give in to despair. No matter how true she knew his words to be.

"Luke Skywalker managed to bring peace momentarily. Why can’t I do the same ? And make it last ?" She asked defiantly and Kylo Ren laughed. He laughed mockingly and JR’s heart dropped at the terrible sound. She had never heard him laugh before and that laugh made her shiver. It was such an ugly laugh, the kind that made your eyes water and your heart turn to stone…

"But, you are not Luke Skywalker."

There was finality to his words that made JR look away again. She knew she wasn’t him. And she wasn’t Rey. She wasn’t powerful. But, she also knew that she couldn’t give up. Not now.

"Luke Skywalker is a fool who tried to fight off fate itself..." This time there was a hint of disdain in Kylo Ren’s voice. "He didn't see things for what they were. And you are no different...You believe there is hope. You think that you can make a difference..."

He shook his head slightly in disbelief before huffing a little humourless laugh.

"It is admirable to see you fight for a change. But, your efforts will be in vain. Because, in the end, you will have to make a choice...And that choice will break you."

She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"…I won’t. I refuse. Why can’t you just let me believe ? Why does it matter to you if I hold on to hope ?" She retorted and looked up at him. She didn’t understand. Why did he have to be so cruel ? Try to bring her down ? Crash her dreams ?

That question seemed to take him aback for a moment.

Indeed. Why did it matter to him ? Why did it bother him so much that she held onto something as intangible as hope ? A stormtrooper ? One that didn’t matter ? One that little wishes would certainly never change the outcome of the war ?

"Because..." He sighed and clenched his fist so tightly that his knuckles turned white. "Because I wish I could believe too."

He finally confessed and it took them both aback as the words left his lips. She stayed silent and then offered him her hand. He remained still for a moment as he stared at her extended hand. He wanted to refuse it...To keep going down this path of logic and disdain he had created for himself.

But...He took her hand with a gentle grasp. She smiled and squeezed it.

"You are right. I am not Luke Skywalker…" She agreed. "…but that doesn’t mean I cannot help you. It doesn’t mean I cannot listen and understand."

Kylo closed his eyes and retrieved his hand.

"You are not going to save everyone..." His tone was still sharp and a little harsher than before. "No one can save everyone. Someone always ends up hurt in the end. And when it is all over. I fear that person will be you."

She smiled at his words.

"Then so be it. I am but a stormtrooper anyway. I was born to be disposable. Remember ?" She said half-jokingly.

"Yet you are so much more than that..." He trailed off as he found her hand once more and his grip tightened slightly. "Your life matters."

"…To you ?" She asked as she squeezed his hand. He looked away, avoiding her gaze. He said nothing as he continued to avoid her gaze. The silence was too loud now. Too deafening.

"Yes. To me." He finally confessed and she smiled before chuckling.

"…Do not worry, Lord Ren. I intend to stay alive."

"Good. Because if it ever came down to it..." He hesitated for a moment as if debating himself internally. "...I would never let someone take your life from me..."

She tilted her head quizzically at him.

"…Because I decided to protect Rey as you asked ?"

He shook his head.

"Not just that. Because the thought of someone else having your life in their hands...It..." He paused. "...It does not sit well with me."

There was a moment of silence between them until Kylo spoke again.

"You have to stay alive." His voice was a mix of a soft, friendly tone and the harsh, cold tone he usually used. He needed to make sure she understood that that was the most important thing at the end of the day.

She chuckled and nodded.

"I will. But you better stay alive as well. You and General Hux."

He couldn't help but chuckle as well. She had the ability to make him laugh...To make him feel. And it scared him more than anything.

"We will. I have to go now. But..." He paused. "I will be back."

She smiled.

"I will be waiting…"

He nodded before disappearing.

She stayed silent and closed her eyes…

What was she to do now ?

———————————————————————

"Lord Ren."

Kylo looked over to the entrance to his meditation chamber, to see General Hux standing in the doorway. His expression darkened, the tension quickly returning to his body.

"What do you want, Hux ?" He uttered through clenched teeth, his voice bitter and cold.

General Hux seemed uncertain and uncomfortable as he approached.

"I…was wondering if…you had any news on stormtrooper JR-6025 ?"

Just the fact that he was asking made Armitage himself embarrassed. He didn’t want to seem worried, but JR-6025 hadn’t answered any of his calls in weeks…

"JR-6025 ?" Kylo repeated, his eyes narrowing in disdain. "No, I do not have any news of that...stormtrooper."

He paused, then added in a low voice. "Why do you ask ?"

"…I thought that maybe with the Force you could…" General Hux felt humiliated just asking for it and he closed his eyes as he forced himself to continue. "It has been a few weeks that I haven’t received any transmission from trooper JR-6025 and I thought that maybe you could…use the Force to locate her."

His jaw clenched tightly as he heard Hux's request. He was not sure whether it was because of his mention of the Force, or the fact that Hux would presume to ask him for such favors, but one thing was certain. His anger and his contempt were starting to rise once again.

"And just why should I waste my time doing that ?" He growled. "One stormtrooper. One singular trooper means nothing—they're all the same anyways. They are completely replaceable."

"I know." General Hux forced the words through gritted his teeth—swallowing his pride for now. "But that particular stormtrooper happened to be on a spying mission for me. She was supposed to infiltrate the Rebellion and become an ally to your BELOVED scavenger girl Rey. And so far, I’ve lost signal of my stormtrooper."

"Is that so ?" He retorted, his tone laced with contempt. "Well, if so, isn't it obvious that she's either dead...or has defected to the other side ?"

General Hux shuddered at the thought and shook his head negatively.

"Impossible."

Kylo raised a skeptical eyebrow at the general’s reaction before he sighed.

"The question remains…why would I ever do anything to convenience you ?"

General Hux turned white and his hands clutched into fists by his side.

"For the love of…FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, REN ! COULD YOU JUST PLEASE DO AS YOU’RE TOLD ?!"

Kylo Ren was taken aback by Hux's sudden eruption. His rage was rarely ever this openly displayed. His eyes narrowed in anger, his grip tightening around his lightsaber. Finally, after several seconds, General Hux's anger seemed to die down somewhat, his tone more subdued than before.

"I…apologise. But, this particular stormtrooper is of value to me as a spy who managed to successfully infiltrate the Rebellion."

Kylo Ren seemed to calm down as well as he lowered his hand from his lightsaber.

"And what should I do ? Waste my time searching the entire galaxy for one lone stormtrooper ?"

General Hux let out a small undignified snort.

"We lost time looking for your scavenger girl." General Hux reminded him. "Surely you could spare 30 seconds just locating one stormtrooper, yes ?"

Kylo Ren’s jaw clenched tightly at General Hux’s reply and sneered.

"The search for my scavenger girl was different," he spoke in a cool and collected tone. "She wasn't just a single stormtrooper...she was important."

"JR-6025 is important too." General Hux said mindlessly and immediately regretted it. He knew that Kylo Ren would take any opportunity to bring him down. He quickly corrected himself. "I mean for our plans. She is important…for Supreme Leader Snoke’s plans."

Kylo smirked knowingly, though he didn't call out General Hux's mistake. However, he saw an opportunity to dig the General deeper into his grave.

"For Supreme Leader Snoke’s plans ? Really ?" He repeated with hint of sarcasm. "But Supreme Leader Snoke isn’t aware that a stormtrooper is currently on a mission to spy on Rey...is he ?"

General Hux looked away and sighed. This had all been just a waste of time. Lord Ren would just keep ignoring him or playing with him…He knew asking him for his help was just going to be another one of his regrets…but he had to try.

"Just…could you tell me if she is alive, Ren ? Please." That last word tasted sour on General Hux’s tongue. But, he had lost all signal and even the transmitter seemed untraceable. Kylo paused for a long moment. He hadn’t expected General Hux to go to such lengths. The temptation to deny General Hux his request was strong.

Yet, despite his better senses urging him to refuse, something within him refused to allow it. General Hux seemed genuinely desperate and even though he seemed normal on the outside, something was truly different inside. There was something that seemed to be…missing. Or maybe troubled.

Kylo sighed.

"She's...alive," he finally responded. General Hux ticked at the news and he clenched his teeth.

"You already knew…didn’t you ?" General Hux glared up at him and Kylo Ren didn’t look him in the eyes.

"Where is she, Ren ?"

Kylo’s expression darkened slightly as he saw General Hux's irritation. He knew full well that this conversation was going to turn sour really quickly if he didn’t answer General Hux on her whereabouts, yet he remained silent.

"I am not obligated to tell you where the stormtrooper is." He responded, his tone remaining stoic and calm. General Hux took a few steps forward and narrowed his eyes at him.

"How long have you been communicating with her without my knowledge ?"

Kylo remained silent as he avoided General Hux's piercing blue eyes.

"Communication was not what I was doing with trooper JR-6025." He responded in a low voice, his tone growing slightly colder. "I was..."

He paused, trying to find the words.

"Helping her..." He murmured in a low whisper.

"…Helping her ?" Hux’s hands crossed behind his back. "How ?"

"She was having doubts, General. Doubts about her role within the First Order, about our methods..." A slight smile crossed his lips, though it was subtle. "So I decided to help her escape her doubts, help her see the larger purpose of our mission...You’re welcome."

General Hux rolled his eyes as he took a sharp breath.

"Ren. Tell me. Right now. Where is MY stormtrooper ?"

Kylo Ren sighed and shook his head.

"Trooper JR-6025 is thinking of defecting. To the other side." He responded in a low voice, his smile disappearing. "She is having doubts about the First Order. I am trying to remind her of her role and purpose."

General Hux’s eyes bulged out at the provocative words and it took extraordinary effort not to slap Kylo Ren right there and then.

"NO ! You are lying ! JR-6025 would never…!"

How dared he ?! Suggest that trooper JR-6025 would be thinking of defecting ?! Of betraying him ?!

"Am I now ?" Kylo Ren responded with a small smirk—finding amusement in General Hux’s disbelief. "I am sorry to disappoint you, General. But...she IS on the brink of defecting. She no longer believes in our mission. She no longer believes in the First Order."

He paused for effect, adding with an insufferable little mocking grin, "...or in you."

General Hux had had more than enough from the young Sith’s taunting and took Ren by the collar as he seethed.

"Careful about your words, Ren. JR-6025 has always been incredibly loyal to me. Why would she betray me now ?"

Kylo remained silent for a long moment, surprised by the sudden action and enjoying the look on General Hux's face as the latter tried to wrestle control of the situation back into his hands.

Finally, he smiled even wider than before.

"Loyalty isn't what's driving her away. It's doubt. Doubts about you and your mission. Doubts that I have encouraged her to embrace..."

"…She is MINE, Ren ! Or did you forget ?" General Hux tightened his hold on the Sith Lord as they were now face to face. "Supreme Leader Snoke gave her to ME."

"I am very aware of that fact." Kylo Ren responded coolly, his expression growing colder once more before continuing. "In fact, that is the very thing that has motivated me to help her escape from your grasp."

He paused for a moment, a slight smirk on his lips. "Trooper JR-6025 is not a toy that you can simply possess. She has her own mind, her own agency..."

"NO ! SHE IS A STORMTROOPER ! A STORMTROOPER ! SHE HAS NO MIND ! NO AGENCY ! SHE LIVES AND DIES FOR ME AND YOU WILL NOT TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME !" General Hux finally burst out and his grip on Ren turned almost desperate as he desired the Sith Lord to be wrong and believed that JR-6025 would never betray him. She had told him time and time again how much she believed in him. He wouldn’t let Kylo Ren doubt his trooper.

His lips curled in a predatory smile as he observed General Hux's explosion.

"I would argue otherwise." He muttered. "Trooper JR-6025 is...unique. She is not like the others. And she is certainly not the plaything you believe her to be."

He paused, his eyebrows raising slightly.

"Would you like to know something interesting ?"

General Hux remained silent and Kylo Ren smirked at his silence.

"Trooper JR-6025 is more than capable of independent thought. In the few conversations that I've had with her, she has displayed emotions, feelings and opinions that...that are not typical of your typical stormtrooper. However, the most striking thing about her..." He paused for effect, smiling slightly. "...is her ability to care."

General Hux remained silent.

"She cares, General." He continued, a hint of amusement in his voice. "She cares deeply about her comrades and friends. She cares about her mission. And most importantly..."

He paused for effect, his smile growing slightly brighter still.

"...she cares about you."

"…Shut up." General Hux closed his eyes. "Shut up, Ren."

Kylo Ren ignored his words and chuckled darkly as he added:

"Can you believe that she asked me to protect you ? You ? Out of all people ? She asked me to protect you."

He found himself unable to resist an even broader smile as he watched General Hux wrestle with his emotions.

"Is that so ?" He whispered, suppressing a mocking chuckle. He paused for a long breath before continuing. "Preposterous."

Kylo Ren ignored his disbelief and looked up at General Hux…A weasel. A parasite. And yet...

"To think...this stormtrooper cares for you. For little old you...how charming."

General Hux restrained from lashing out as he released Ren and took a few staggering steps back.

"And what did you tell her ?"

He continued to smile, allowing his amusement to overtake his composure as he noticed General Hux's increasingly agitated state of mind.

"I told her," he uttered with a faint smirk. "That I would do what I could to keep you...safe..."

General Hux rolled his eyes. That little—!

"Tell me where she is…Tell me." General Hux said and Lord Ren huffed a mocking laugh.

"Oh my, General," he uttered teasingly, though a slight note of surprise entered into his tone as he noticed the sudden burst of rage. "If you claim to be such a fan of the stormtrooper's loyalty and devotion, then why don't you trust their commitment toward their own mission ?"

He remained silent for long moment as he watched General Hux's face, the latter's eyes narrowing sharply as the emotions within him continued to swirl. But Ren was not finished yet. This was still a game for him, a way to torment the General and make him suffer.

"Or perhaps...the stormtrooper you trust so much is not so loyal after all ?" He continued, his tone growing slightly sharper.

General Hux’s fists tightened by his side as he replied:

"…If she is indeed a traitor, then she will be punished accordingly."

"And just how will she be punished ?" Kylo responded, his tone becoming more taunting as he continued. "Surely you don't mean to kill such a prized stormtrooper for betraying you ? Surely you would not punish the stormtrooper you so greatly value ?"

General Hux looked away.

"…You and I both know what is the fate of traitors and deserters, Lord Ren." General Hux regained his composure before adding. "So, I do hope that you are wrong. For her sake and the sake of the First Order."

His smile vanished as he saw General Hux's shift in composure. General Hux closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Who else have you told ?"

General Hux's question surprised him.

"No one," He responded calmly.

"…Good. Don’t. Let me handle the situation. It would be better if…Supreme Leader Snoke wasn’t warned yet about her defection. It would only fall back on us…"

He remained silent for a long moment as he considered General Hux's words.

The latter had a point. If Supreme Leader Snoke was warned of the stormtrooper's defection, it could undoubtedly result in both of their demotion or even outright punishment.

"I won't speak of this to anyone." He offered after a moment, "but under one condition..."

"…Which one ?" General Hux tensed up.

He paused for a moment as he looked General Hux directly in the eyes.

"A simple favor." He responded calmly, smiling slightly as he did so. "A small request for this favor, if you will..."

"Out with it." Hux replied shortly—wishing to leave Kylo Ren’s presence at once.

"Since Supreme Leader Snoke does not need to know about this unfortunate development, I ask that I be allowed to keep contact with trooper JR-6025...that you do not warn him for now."

"…Fine." General Hux indulged. "But, her punishment is not of your choice. She is a stormtrooper. If she is a traitor , then she will be judged according to the First Order."

A faint smile crossed his lips as he nodded in agreement.

"So long as I am allowed to keep contact with her..." He murmured. "As for the punishment...I wouldn't dream of interjecting. She will receive whatever the First Order deems necessary."

"…And Ren ?"

He raised a brow, his tone becoming more inquisitive.

"Yes ?" He murmured.

"…Do you truly think that she…cares ? About us ?"

He remained silent for a moment as he thought about the question.

"I do," he replied after a few seconds. "There were moments when we spoke, where I could sense her...care for me and for the First Order. A devotion that superseded her programming."

"I see…" General Hux nodded curtly before walking away.

Ren nodded as General Hux walked away.

He couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction as he observed General Hux's departure. He had not intended to be so cruel to the General.

But he had also not expected a stormtrooper to be so capable of caring.

He knew that he had made the right decision in choosing to help JR-6025 escape the First Order. And he was confident that, with some time and effort, he could show her that her loyalty was best placed in him instead...

Lord Ren looked up at the stars and then started wondering if JR-6025 would join him ? Would she be willing to leave her convictions behind and take the opportunity Rey had rejected over and over ?

His thoughts turned to JR-6025 as he considered the possibility that she would indeed join him. And he would welcome her with open arms, knowing that she would be a powerful asset at his side.

And if she was also willing and able to cast aside her devotion to General Hux and the First Order...

Well, then...this could be most promising.

He walked away with a smile on his lips.

Meanwhile with General Hux

General Hux entered his private quarters and once he was inside—he stopped. His gloved hand clenching and unclenching as he thought about JR-6025 betraying him…

He closed his eyes and took a long breath.

It was not an easy thing to accept, losing someone to the Resistance, someone who had shown such dedication to him and the First Order. But, if she did truly have doubts, then there was very little he could do to keep her in the First Order.

General Hux was determined to not let this get to him. After all, a stormtrooper was simply a tool. One that could be easily replaced...

He suddenly balled his hand into a fist and let out a scream of rage as his table went flying.

The First Order was supposed to be perfect. Its stormtroopers were supposed to be obedient, loyal, and free of doubt.

Yet, here he found himself...losing control.

And what for ? A simple stormtrooper.

General Hux paused for a moment before taking another few breaths to calm himself. He would be able to replace her. He had other stormtroopers at his disposal.

After all, all he needed to do was put in a simple order request...

Suddenly, he felt short-of-breath and started panting as something seemed to be bubbling inside of himself—an emotion that caught his throat and made him want to throw up.

He was losing his composure. He could no longer keep himself at bay. His emotions were running wild, a myriad of them clashing with one another.

Anger, fear, frustration...

He gritted his teeth, trying to force himself to regain control. But it was no use...General Hux had never felt so much raw, untamed emotion before. And the fact that a mere stormtrooper was capable of making him feel this way...He clutched his hands even tighter as his chest rose and fell rapidly. He closed his eyes, trying once more to regain control.

His eyes suddenly caught glimpse of an orange blur beside him and before he knew it, his cat Millicent was at his feet—staring at him. She let out a soft meow as her paw landed on the tip of his boot. General Hux paused for a moment as he noticed Millicent's presence.

The sight of the orange feline immediately managed to quell some of his raging emotions, making them slightly easier to handle. He chuckled slightly as the cat landed her paw on the tip of his boot.

"Millicent," he muttered softly as he crouched down to pet her.

General Hux sighed as he embraced the feline.

The cat's purrs and soft fur were immensely soothing. He had spent countless hours with her in his quarters, having gotten quite attached to her over time.

With her in his grasp, his racing heart slowly started to ease. He gently petted the cat with one hand as he simply remained kneeling and cradling her in his arms. He continued to cuddle the cat, its purrs helping to pacify the emotions that still raged inside of him.

His mind continued to swirl with thoughts, with doubts, with fears...

But every time his thoughts became too overwhelming, he would simply shift his focus back onto the feline. It was his anchor for the time being, allowing him to remain centered despite the turmoil that still simmered within him.

"My loyal pet…" He uttered in a whisper. "My most loyal friend. You are right. I shouldn’t let emotions dictate my decisions…"

He chuckled softly as he ran his hand through Millicent's fur. A cat could never betray him like that stormtrooper did. Cats had no need for deception, no need for loyalties, no need for anything other than food and affection.

They were truly loyal. More so than any other creature in the entire galaxy.

"You will never have to face such a problem, will you ?" He murmured, his voice taking on a teasing tone as he scratched the feline behind the ears.

Millicent happily purred in response to the gesture, making General Hux smile to himself.

The cat was indeed loyal. Unlike certain stormtroopers who were so easily swayed by their own emotions and doubts...If only more stormtroopers were like Millicent...then everything would be so much simpler.

"Do not worry, Millicent. Your master is going to find that…traitor. And he will make sure she understands what happens to disloyal pets…" He kept petting the cat. "You will see, Millicent. You will see…"

He looked far ahead and smirked ominously.

General Hux continued to stroke the feline as he nodded in agreement with his own words. Yes, he would find the traitor and make sure she was swiftly punished. That way, other stormtroopers would be deterred from experiencing the same doubts that JR-6025 had felt. And the First Order would once more be seen as powerful and unbeatable. As it should be.

She would see what happened to disloyal pets.

You will see, JR-6025…

[winchesterdesire]

Healing

Part 9 of Done Waiting.

Pairings: Dean x reader

Characters: Reader, Dean, Sam, Castiel, Crowley

Warnings: mention of torture, angst?? (I don’t go easy on you guys do I?)

Summary: Reader recovers and has to face a few inner dilemmas. (Think I’m going to stop doing Summaries…)

Tags: @dunne31 @morgeous-ren

Authors note: sorry for the lateness again. 10 hour shifts are slowly killing me. Stupid 5am starts. Anyway! Enjoy!

…………………….

There was only pain for a very long time. I couldn’t even remember how I had gotten into this mess. It was probably my fault. Like always. Too careless on a hunt. I was always trying to prove myself. Too keen to show I could do it myself. Some images flashed in my mind. Calm blue followed by envious green. My mind flinched away. More pain followed.

Was I being tortured? I don’t know. All the pain just blurred into more pain.

Then I was numb.

I sunk into the numbness like I was drowning. My world was dark and the only thing I cared about was forgetting the pain.

The numbness was a relief. It was relaxing. It made me want to drift off… and never wake up…

It was like being lulled by water…

Or floating..

I felt so… free

I…..

WAKE UP.

The words stung in my mind like a harsh memory.

What was happening?

WAKE UP.

That time hurt. I felt the violent jolt.

WAKE UP.

My heart beat harshly in my chest. Dragging my attention to it. Had it stopped?

A harsh scraping ripped down my throat. It hurt.

I realised it was air. Air being dragged into my lungs.

Sound crashed against my ears. An insistent beeping. Muffled voices.

A dull ache seeped through my very bones until my body felt like it was on fire.

There it was. That pain again.

Fuck it hurt.

My senses settled and it wasn’t so unbearable. It still hurt but it was more of a soreness that felt like it was healing.

Where was I?

I could feel things stuck in my arms. Hospital? We never went to hospitals. Hunters didn’t do that. How did I get here? It must be bad. We?

I was suddenly overcome with the events of the past few weeks. The beeping grew hysterical and I heard quick movement. I was definitely in hospital then. The thought was soon cut off as the numbness returned.

…………………….

I don’t know how long it had been. But I became aware of my surroundings again.

Slowly and surely, feeling, sound, and smell came back.

It was better this time. Like a weight had been taken away. There was no pain. No numbness. Just… exhaustion. I felt so tired…

I could see the effects of a light being on through my eye lids. The darkness, a kind of hazy red, with my eyes closed. My eye lids felt so heavy though and I couldn’t lift them. I didn’t want to. I was… too tired…

I took a breath, letting the air fill my lungs. It was nice now. Exactly what I needed. If I could just sleep, a little… I felt my body lying in a bed. It was comfortable enough and at least I could feel again. I shifted and felt sleep begin to claim me. A softness touched my hand, before I could think what it was, I slipped into a dreamless sleep.

……………………….

I gradually woke up, feeling for the first time in years, fully rested. I didn’t want to move. I was so comfortable. I was no longer in hospital then. Or was that a dream? I couldn’t hear the sound of machine beeping at any rate. And the smell was different. It was warmer. It smelt like.. well it smelt like Dean.

Dean.

I was suddenly aware of a pressure on my hand. I could feel… his hand and mine, our fingers laced. It was Dean right? His smell was all around me.. I could only assume. I heard him move and his hand begin to pull from mine.

No!

I opened my eyes. His head was bent. And his shoulders hunched. He looked… so defeated. I’d never seen him like that before. I wanted him to stay. Our hands were still partially linked. I gathered my strength and squeezed his hand gently. He froze. His whole body seemed to tense. He slowly brought his head back up to me and his dazzlingly green eyes found mine.

I tried to smile, but I still felt weak, despite feeling like I’d been asleep for a hundred years. So I settled for just staring. Gosh he was breath taking this up close. My eyes traced his face hungrily, just as he seemed to be doing the same to mine. At least that’s what it looked like. After the initial shock left his face, relief flooded his features. He sagged and his head fell, bowed over our joined hands. His deep voice reached my ears and it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard.

“Y/N” it came out like a whisper and I had to be sure I heard it. I tilted my head on the pillow as he spoke again, this time louder and lifting his head to look at me.

“Y/N. I thought I’d… I thought..”

He couldn’t seem to finish his sentence, but whatever had happened it obviously affected him. I squeezed his hand again. I felt more like myself. I struggled to sit up after having been lying down for… how long had I been out?

I felt the loss of his hand in mine but his strong hands were instantly under my arms helping me to sit up. “Hey, hey easy there..” He was looking at me, concern etched on every line of his face. I nodded and rested back against the pillows he pushed behind me. “It’s ok. I’m fine” my voice came out hoarse and cracked.

“Heh, I don’t think so Sunshine. You’ve been through hell, believe me I know what that’s like.”

Hell? My eyes widened at him and he seemed to cotton on.

“No, no, you didn’t actually go to hell but close enough. Just.. rest. Ok? For me?”

I swallowed and looked between his eyes trying to gauge where he was at. His eyes never left mine and the longer I was silent the more worried he seemed to get. I slowly nodded.

“Ok”

His whole face relaxed and I felt his lips brush against my forehead. He pulled away gazing at me with an expression I couldn’t read.

“Rest. I’ll be here. I won’t leave you. I promise.”

I nodded again feeling sleep come over me. It was weird. I felt the most rested I had ever been and was about to say so, but the tug of sleep somehow was stronger. My eyes darted to the side of the room where Cas had crept in. Cas? Hadn’t he… some memories struggled against my sleepy brain. Before I could wrap my head around anything, sleep pulled me down into its clutches.

…………………….

[Dean’s POV]

I watched as her eyes slid shut again. This time knowing there would be a moment when she would wake up. I heard movement behind me. Turning my head to the side, I could see his coat from my peripheral. I gritted my teeth. Cas.

I still don’t know how I felt about talking to him. I needed answers from him, and y/n was fine now, but it was the fact he had let this happen. He must have.

“What do you want?”

“Dean.. I..”

I stood turning away from y/n, glaring at Cas.

“You apologise and…”

“I know. I want to make things right. I have to explain”

“I am done. Cas. I’m done with your half arsed apologies and explanations. Unless our lives are at stake and I mean end of the line, at stake, you had no right to take our memories and lie to us. For what months? Nah, an apology won’t cut it this time.”

“Dean, that’s just it. Your lives were at stake, still are. I was, am trying to protect you. You mean too much to me, to not try in any way I could.”

I was about to cut him off again when his last words reached my ears. This damn angel. He had been with us through thick and thin. And I owed him more than my stubborn refusal to accept his apology and not move on. I held his stare for little while longer and looked away myself. He was telling the truth, that much I could tell. Next to y/n and Sam, Cas was… he meant a lot to me. I stole my anger about the situation and took a breath, glancing round to y/n, I ushered Cas out the room. Closing the door behind me and looking back up at Cas, I leaned against the door. My brow slightly furrowed but now prepared to listen.

“Ok. Our lives are at stake. What’s happening Cas? What are we fighting here? Coz I’m struggling. I really am. Y/N is recovering from being injured in a hunt she wouldn’t have had to be part of if you had been in your vessel. And I thought Jimmy was in heaven man. What’s up with that? Is he sharing your vessel again?”

It was Cas’s turn to look away. He looked down and then back up at me.

“No, Jimmy is quite safe in heaven again. I only borrowed him for a short while. Even then it wasn’t really him, more like an echo of who he was, well in this case a figment of what he wanted to be”

What? I shook my head,

“OK, enough of the fantasy crap, I get it. You hopped up Jimmy in some sort of dream juice and let him wonder around for a few months. But why Cas? Come on. If it’s so damn endangering to us, where the hell did you go?”

He looked away again, but this time wouldn’t meet my gaze and I knew something was up.

“I can’t say”

“Oh cut the bull Cas! If we are in danger, I need to know and you have to tell me. Tell me everything. Whatever it is, we will find a way, like we always do.”

“I know. Dean. But this time, I can’t tell you everything, because.. let me finish Dean.”

Admittedly I had started to cut him off, but with the intensity of the look he gave me, I closed my mouth and let him talk.

“Because the knowledge is what was endangering you. You were dying Dean. All of you were. Wiping your memories was the best thing I could do. The only thing keeping you alive right now, is my block in each of your minds and even that is barely keeping you together. It’s an old angelic curse. I didn’t even know it existed until… when I heard Sam’s open prayer for y/n I realised that some of the ignorance was also killing you. I’m stuck in an impossible situation and I’m trying my best Dean. Don’t make the mistake you are the only one who cares for y/n. Or for this… family. Because that’s what this is to me, or as close as I can hope to have and…”

I didn’t know how to react. This was new. This was big. I suddenly realised how much Cas was doing for us and I was shouting at him for what? Actually trying to keep us all safe? And doing what I or Sam would have done if the situation where reversed. I saw he was beginning to struggle with his words. I spoke but more gentle than before,

“Ok Cas. I believe you. I do. We will talk to Sam and we will figure something out. We will. When y/n wakes up we can all find a way to get through this. Promise me though that you will keep us in the loop and tell us as much as you can without,you know, killing us.”

Cas nodded,

“I promise Dean.”

“Good. Ok. Now. We will let y/n rest, while we go fill in Sam.“

Cas looked at me and nodded again, turning to walk ahead of me. I rubbed my face. Why was everything always so complicated? I pushed off the door and opened it. I peeked inside, making sure y/n was ok, before following after Cas.

……………………

[Reader POV]

I woke up to a cold room. The comforting smell was gone and so was Dean. The covers that had been warm before felt suffocating. I flung them off and swung my legs out of bed.

I stood, but too quickly, feeling a little dizzy. I grabbed the edge of the chair that was next to the bed to steady myself.

I looked down at myself, glad I was pretty much dressed. Leggings and a soft t-shirt. Nice. I grabbed a hoodie, shrugging into it as I made my way to the door. Where was Dean? Or Sam, or Cas? I had my hand on the door handle when I remembered what had gone down. Holy shit.

How was I even standing? Cas probably, but that, that thought right there, got me. Why had I not known Jimmy was Cas? That Iele had practically killed me and Jimmy.. I mean Cas had done nothing. Why? Why couldn’t I remember him until now? I had so many questions. I needed to find Cas, obviously. Hadn’t he been in my room before I slipped into sleep before?

I came out of my reverie and opened the door. Padding down the corridors of the bunker until I reached the war room. I could hear voices. Dean’s, Sam’s and… Cas? Good. I needed answers. I stopped just short of revealing myself just in case they were talking about anything they might try and keep from me.

“….. so how do we do this then? There must be books or lore we can look at, that might have some answers?”

It was Sam. It sounded like they were just discussing an ordinary case. But the fact they needed to look at lore, might mean something new. Without waiting any longer, I stepped forward.

Sam was sitting across from Dean and Cas. Dean leaning across the table to talk with Sam and Cas more slumped down in his chair, listening to the conversation.

They hadn’t noticed me yet, so I huffed and made my steps heavier as I came to stand at the foot of the table.

“What lore? Something new?”

All heads snapped to turn and look at me. Sam looked relieved and stood, Cas looked at me with a guilty expression and Dean stood with Sam, his face an open expression of concern.

Sam spoke first,

“Y/N, it good to see you up, how are you feeling?”

Dean looked at me, ignoring the fact Sam had spoken.

“You should be resting”

I rolled my eyes. I felt too rested. If that makes sense. I felt the need to stretch and move. Hell even go for a run. I recoiled at my own thought. Hmm maybe a run was too far? But still. I looked back at Dean shrugging,

“I’ve rested, Dean. Really. More than enough lying down for me! And that’s saying something!”

I tried to joke but Dean didn’t even offer a small smile. I cleared my throat and walked over to Sam sitting down next to him, as I replied to his question,

“I’m good, thank you for asking. Now what were you discussing? Sounded interesting?”

Sam sat back down and glanced to Dean. I did too and watched as something flitted across his features. I couldn’t quite say what, but I ignored it, looking between the three of them waiting for a response.

Dean slowly sat back down. He leant back in his chair and ran his hands down his face before looking to Sam and Cas who just looked back at him. He sighed, his eyes finally meeting mine,

“We, err, have a case…”

“Great! What is it?”

I felt the need to do something, anything and my eyes flickered to Cas as I still had my questions running through my mind. Sam and Dean shared a look before Sam took up the explanation. Why was everyone acting weird?

“But we can’t know everything or we’ll die.”

I stared at Sam. What? I looked back at Dean and then to Cas.

“We’ll die? What’s going on guys?”

Cas shifted uncomfortably in his seat which drew my attention. They all sat looking at each other. I sighed and looked at Cas,

“Cas?” He avoided my direct gaze, “look I actually have a lot of questions for you anyway Cas, so please just tell me?”

Cas looked at me then, a sorrow in his eyes, I couldn’t quite understand. I saw Dean tense slightly. I turned to him questioningly.

“Will one of you guys just speak!?”

Sam shifted next to me,

“Y/N we have a… angelic curse on us…”

I turned to him incredulously,

“A what?”

Cas spoke up then,

“An angelic curse. It slowly kills you if you know certain knowledge, that heaven doesnt want you to know. It has only ever been used once in my long life time and never again as its effects were too devasting.”

Dean frowned at Cas.

“Yeah, ok Mr dramatic. Basically Cas wiped our memories in order to protect us, but when that went wrong, he gave them back apart from the bit that would kill us. So we could find a way to help. Right Cas?”

“Yes. Mostly.”

Dean glared at Cas and he stopped talking. Sam shook his head and turned to look at me properly, pushing his hair behind his ear.

“We need to find a way to lift the curse and I was hoping there might be an answer in lore.”

I looked between the three of them. They sounded crazy. But then again, my life was just one crazy nightmare. I swallowed, trying to take it all in.

“Ok, so what is it that is so dangerous for us not to know?”

They all looked at me exasperated and I bit my lip,

“Oh yeah, right, course. Sorry. So research? About the curse I mean, not what we don’t know… obviously.”

I sunk into my chair under everyone’s stares and sat looking at the table.

Sam sat up in his seat and dragged his laptop to him,

“Yeah, research. Until we find something.”

I nodded, lifting my gaze to Cas and watching him. I needed answers on more than one level.

Had he been occupying the vessel at the same time as James? If not where had he been?

I shiftef uneasily, still watching Cas as a thought struck me. I had in a way dated him… How was that going to affect us now? Having dated his vessel as James I felt weird looking at him. It put me on edge knowing that I had wanted more when he was James. Does that mean I had feelings for Cas? I remembered feeling attracted to him. I had stared hungrily into those blue eyes, stroked that cheek, laced my fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck, kissed those lips. But it hadn’t been Cas at the time. I felt a twinge of guilt. My mind flashing to Deans reaction. Oh gosh he must remember the bar too. That moment now had a harsher weight added to it. What was Dean thinking? Did he even care? I still didn’t know what Deans feelings towards me were! Crap. Unrequited love hurts.

The sound of a throat clearing brought me back into the room. I blinked. I was still staring at Cas and he was staring back. His head tilted to the side in confusion. I felt my cheeks warm as I blushed and averted my eyes. I flickered my eyes around the room to notice Dean looking at me too, a frown etched into his features. Eugh. Suddenly it felt too hot in the bunker. I needed out. I stood, almost knocking my chair over in the process. I stammered an explanation, as Sam’s curious gaze joined the other two.

“I.. errr… need some air”

I turned away awkwardly and as quickly as I could made my way out the bunker.

The cold air washed over me, bringing relief. I flinched as the door slammed behind me. Why did it have to be so loud? I closed my eyes and leant against the cool earth that covered the bunker.

Why was I feeling like this? I had never looked at Cas as anything but a close friend and just because in my memory wiped state I was attracted to his vessel, to James, I couldn’t shake my unease and suddenly had.. I didn’t want to call them feelings for him, but yeah, was I going to have to examine this? Would I have a better chance with Cas than with Dean? I shook my head. I felt guilty thinking about anyone else in that way. Why should I? Dean had never shown any reciprocating feelings towards me. Sure, he had shown he cared about me, but I never got the feeling it was in the way I wanted. Oh listen to me! I needed to pull myself together. There were bigger problems than my own feelings at stake here. Like the thing Cas had blocked from our memories, that was our number one priority. Not my shattered and confused heart.

The sound of the door opening and closing again snapped me out of my reverie. I opened my eyes, but didn’t look to see who it was. I stared at the road leading away from the bunker, when I felt whoever it was lean against the wall next to me. Our arms brushing.

“You doing ok?”

It was Dean. Course it was him. His voice soothed my ears and I couldn’t help but lean into him slightly. The wind blew gently against my face, revealing that I’d been crying. The cool air felt freezing on the tracks the tears had made down my flushed cheeks. I quickly swiped at my face, hoping Dean hadn’t seen. I decided to use a phrase I’d heard him say once in response,

“Yeah, just peachy”

I snuck a glance at him to gauge his reaction. The corners of his lips twitched in a small smile, but his brow was furrowed and his eyes were dark, looking out down the road like I was.

He sighed, shifting next to me. I could feel he wanted to say something. What, I had no idea. I decided to beat him to it,

“Are you? Doing ok?”

He surprised me by shrugging. Normally he would be adamant he was fine.. but not this time. I turned to survey him. He was still looking broody. I nudged against him to make him look at me. He dragged his eyes to mine and I was taken aback by the anguish there.

“Dean…”

“You could have died. In fact I’m pretty sure you did. I can’t… I can’t go through that again.”

He was looking at me so intensely, I had to reach out and place my hand on his arm. At once to ground myself and make sure he really was next to me, saying those words. He brought up his free hand, placing it over mine. I looked down at the touch and tried to gather my now scattered thoughts. What was he saying? Was he saying he couldn’t live without me? Because that was big, that was huge. At least to me it was. I looked back up at him, searching his eyes. I parted my lips to respond, not entirely sure what I was going to say, when the door wrenched open. Dean was still paying close attention to me, but I looked over his shoulder, probably breaking the moment, to see Cas standing there. Dammit. Yup, I broke it.

Something must have changed in my face, because Deans dropped and he hung his head, turning to look at Cas.

“Is this important? Cas?”

Cas stood regarding the two of us and looked regretful. He looked away from us,

“I’m sorry, it can wait. I thought… I’ll go help Sam continue the research”

Cas’s eyes flickered to me, before he wandered back in side.

Great, way to kill the mood Cas. I shook my head. What was that about? Dean dropped my hand and pushed off the wall. Moving to lean against the railing that lead down the steps to the road. I watched him carefully. I wanted to go back to the moment just before.

I moved to stand next to him, turning my face so I could study him properly. My eyes traced his features and watched as a number of emotions danced across his skin. He slowly brought his eyes up to meet mine once again. This time they were hard and guarded.

“Is there something between you and Cas?”

A week ago, I would have said no straight away, now that was exactly the question running through my own mind. I hesitated and he looked away from me, his hands playing with the railing.

He let out a dull huffed laugh, “Right, course”

He shook his head and I saw his jaw clench. I bit my lip. I placed a hand on his back and felt him tense under my touch, but I rubbed soothing circles anyway. If I didn’t say something now, I might lose him. I took in a sharp breath and steeled myself,

“No Dean, there wasn’t. There isn’t. I’m just… having a hard time processing the last few days. You know? And Im confused and scared. And… And Cas seems to be the one with all the answers. I just…”

I grasped for words I couldn’t find. Dean was looking at me again and it was my turn to look away. I took in a deep breath and wasn’t sure what would come out.

“You know what? honestly? I’m freaked out that I dated his vessel. Sorry, James. And it wasn’t meant to go that far. Obviously, I had no memory of the link and I didn’t know. It was only meant to be some fun and to blow off steam. And to make… I was just… so tired of waiting and knowing I meant nothing to…” I barely whispered the last word having rambled the rest, “you”. I bit my tongue as the words rolled out.

I held my breath, unsure if he had heard the last bit. My face studiously turned down to the ground as if it was the most interesting thing to me now.

Rough fingers gently held my chin, turning my face back. I found myself gazing into open, soft, green eyes, filled with emotion I had never seen in them before. Or perhaps I had and just dismissed it. There was no dismissing it now. I swallowed, letting my feelings for Dean, flood my own face.

Our eyes locked. I don’t know when, but both of us had gotten closer. I could feel Deans warm breath fan my face. His eyes were so green, with an edge of gold as the fading sunlight hit the edges of his iris.

My heart was pounding in my chest, I swear he could hear it. I was vaguely aware of Dean licking his lips, when the sound of the door opening broke through and crashed against our hearing again. Dean closed his eyes, when he opened them he looked pissed. He spoke and his voice had an edge to it.

“Dammit Cas.”

We both turned then, to acknowledge the intrusion. Only to find it was Sam instead.

“Sammy? What is it?”

Sam looked so guilty, I had to suppress a giggle. I was feeling giddy from what had almost just happened. I steeled myself and looked to Sam for an explanation.

“Err, well.. I just had a call. From Crowley”

“Crowley? What does he want?”

Sam shrugged, unhelpfully.

“Didn’t say, just that he’d be outside at…”

“Any time. Thank you Moose.”

We all turned quickly to find Crowley standing in the middle of the road, holding a box in his hands and looking like his usual smug self.

I tensed and saw Dean reach for the demon knife.

Crowley surveyed us and smirked,

“Hello boys”

He looked to me, bowing his head,

“Lady.”

I grimaced at him. Dean tensed and gripped the knife, his knuckles turning white.

Crowley ignored him, nodding towards the bunker,

“Now. Power down the warding and we can talk.”

…………………………

[starwrite-er]

El Libro De La Vida [Prologue] - Poe Dameron x Reader (x Kylo Ren)

Request: The book of life au where poe is manolo and kylo is joaquin. Reader of course is maria and bb8 can be chuy. Someone please write this.

A/N: that wasn’t really a request but somebody on anon sent it to @fandom-writes asking for someone to write it so here it is lmao anyway if u haven’t seen The Book Of Life then I 100% recommend it go watch it now it’s on netflix. uhhh endgame relationship here is pretty obvious if u’ve seen the movie. Obvs various character roles and stuff have been altered for the Purpose™ of this fic. ALSO THIS WAS JUST GONNA BE A FUN LITTLE THING BUT AHAH??? WHOOPS???? IT GOT IN DEPTH™

Tags: @fandom-writes @the-new-fanfic-order @disapearing-act @badwolfandtimelords @xxassbuttsophiaxx @ladyaphmeow @memyselfandwifi

A More Important Note: Of course, Día De Los Muertos is a very important holiday, and if I have said anything at all in this story that could in anyway insult or offend anyone or the original story, please tell me so I can make necessary changes.

 “This is the Book of Life.”

 "All the world is made of stories, and all of those stories are right here.“

 "Long ago, in the center of Mexico, was the quaint little town of San Angel.”

 "And naturally, directly below it lay the Land of the Remembered, a festive and magic place for those who lived on in the memories of their loved ones!“

 "And below that lies the Land of the Forgotten. The sad and lonely destination for those poor souls who are no longer remembered.”

 "But, before I can properly begin this story, you must meet the magical rulers of these two realms.“

 "That is La Muerta. She is made out of sweet sugar candy. She loves all mankind, and believes their hearts are pure and true.”

 "And that is Xibalba. That charming rascal thinks mankind is not so pure, just like him. He’s made out of tar and everything icky in the whole world.“

 "And that is the Candlemaker. He keeps everything in balance. He is made out of wax and has a beard full of clouds.”

 "See all these wooden figures here? They represent real people in our story, just like you and me.“

 "And so our story begins, on the day that the people of Mexico call the Day of the Dead, and on this particular Day of the Dead, after centuries of being banished, Xibalba had had enough.”

 Perched on the rooftops, Xibalba and La Muerta watch as the people of San Angel celebrate the Day of the Dead, spying for the subjects of their newest wager after Xibalba had made the mistake of complaining about the land he rules.

 "Ah, look there, my love. A classic mortal dilemma,“ The dark creature known as Xibalba points to three children. "Two boys. Best friends, no less.”

 "Oh, in love with the same girl.“ The beautiful La Muerta finishes, catching sight of a young soldier, a young guitarist, and a young maiden.

 "I believe we have our wager. Which boy will marry her?” Xibalba decides, his choice already in mind.

 "Very well. We will each choose one of those boys as our champion.“ La Muerta continues. Floating down from the rooftops, the pair transform into more unsuspecting figures.

 "Well, let’s go wish them luck.” Xibalba says, disguised as an old man, taking the arm of La Muerta, disguised as an old woman covered by a shawl.

 As the children subjected to this wager part ways to find the grave of their ancestors, the two rulers of this festive day also part ways, seeking out their champion.

 "Kind people, may I please have a bit of your bread? I am so hungry.“ La Muerta hobbles over to the grave of Shara Bey. Gathered around is the Dameron family, a family of well known bullfighters, though the heart of the youngest can be found elsewhere. The family take notice of the old woman, Kes watching his son waste no time in aiding the woman.

 "I’m sure Mama would want you to have it,” The young Poe Dameron says, smiling kindly at the woman as he offers her a loaf of bread. The boy, La Muerta’s chosen champion, turns to his father. “Right, Papa?” Kes Dameron smiles and nods, reassuring the boy.

 "Thank you, my dear. In return, you have my blessing,“ The disguised ruler of the Land of the Remembered tells the young Poe, her words holding more weight than one might know. "May your heart be always pure and courageous.”

 "What do we say, Poe?“ Kes prompts his son.

 "Thank you, señora. Thank you.” The sweet boy says. Distanced from the grave of the late Shara Bey stands the young Ben Solo, watching his friend.

 "Oh, Poe. Always giving stuff away for free,“ He says, shaking his head before turning to the extravagant grave he honours. This boy does not have the same humility that his best friend does. "Right, Grandfather?”

 A dark laugh echoes through the walls of the tomb, alerting the young Ben Solo of an intruder. Though his morals may be questionable, his desire to prove himself pushes him forth into the darkness, leaving him at the mercy of whoever lurks there. A child, after all, cannot defend themselves when armed only with a wooden sword.

 "Young sir, may I please have some of your bread? I’m so hungry.“ An old man comes forth from the shadows, causing Ben to stumble backwards in surprise and fear. This man is Xibalba, approaching with the same request as his love. Ben Solo, however, quickly regains his composure, and with it comes the sense of entitlement.

 "This bread is for my grandfather,” He says, mocking the old man as he stabs a loaf with his fake sword, taking a bite. “And it’s delicious.”

 "Well, perhaps you would consider a trade?“ Xibalba offers despite knowing that cheating like this would enrage La Muerta. Oh well. He’ll do whatever it takes for his chosen champion to win. The ruler of the Land of the Forgotten reveals a medal, glowing faintly with an eerie, green magic. Ben Solo, however, is unimpressed, having seen something such as that many times before. "This is no ordinary medal, my boy. As long as you wear it, you cannot be hurt, and it will give you immeasurable courage. But, keep it hidden. There is a bandit king that will stop at nothing to get it back.” Ben’s greed and desire drives him to snatch the medal from the man’s hands, tossing him the half eaten loaf of bread in return.

 Ben gasps in recognition at the mention of a bandit king, but when he turns to face the man again, he has vanished, leaving nothing but a sinister laugh lost in the wind.

 Returning to the rooftop of the tall tower, Xibalba joins the waiting La Muerta, believing that his deviousness has ensured him his victory.

 "So, if my boy marries the girl, I will finally rule the Land of the Remembered.“ Xibalba finalises his terms, returned to his unearthly form.

 "And if my boy marries the girl, you will…” La Muerta pauses, stroking her love’s cheek and smiling as sweetly as the sugar she’s made of. But this ethereal woman has not forgotten the past, and she pulls harshly on Xibalba’s beard, her glare made of daggers. “You will stop interfering with the affairs of man!”

 Though Xibalba protests this, at the thought of returning to eternity in the Land of the Forgotten, he accept’s his love’s terms. “Very well, my dear. By the ancient rules, the wager is set.”

 And illuminated by the light of the moon and the candle-lit graves, the pair of gods shook hands.

 “And so the greatest wager in history began: Poe versus Ben for the hand of Y/N.”

[angryspacegirl]

Valentine Black

@devilishidol

Tugging at the sleeves of her leather jacket, Serori unhooked her bag from the handlebar of her motorcycle and descended into the underground karaoke bar, music blaring from the headphones over her ears.

As to be expected, the two men she was looking for were there, tapping away at small personal computers and fielding phone calls. Both in their early 20s, one was artfully disheveled, with unkempt red hair and sunglasses that hid the bags under his eyes, and a suit that was poorly tailored and missing a button, while the other was fashionable and tidy, with curly aquamarine locks and a devilish smile. Serori kicked her boot against the wall loudly as she pulled her headphones off, signifying her arrival and drawing the attention of the men.

“Ah, you came,” said the grinning man. “Cool, so cool. Right, Ren-kun?” He nudged the other man, who didn’t look up from his computer.

“Cool,” he answered flatly.

“So, so, what did you bring us?” His eyes lit up as he beamed and held out his hands expectantly.

Rather than hand him anything, Serori casually threw a box of chocolates in his lap, and then tossed another to Ren, slapping against the keyboard of his computer loudly. “Congratulations for Valentine’s Day.”

The first man fumbled to catch the chocolate, and then held it up in (mock?) reverence. “Serori-kun’s true feelings chocolate! Ah, such a treasure! I knew all those months of rudeness were just a front!”

“Shut up, Eri,” Ren said as he finally looked up from his computer and turned the chocolate over in his hands. “This is what you call obligation chocolate, isn’t it?”

Eri frowned and squinted. “Well, I suppose it does lack a certain feminine touch, but…” Suddenly, he spied something out of the corner of his eye and gasped. “It still has a price tag on it! It’s store-bought!” He wailed and slumped in his seat.

“Obligation chocolate,” Ren repeated with a sagely nod.

“Only 500 yen…”

Serori watched the full exchange with a bored expression on her face. “Well if that’s everything, enjoy your chocolate, guys. I’m off.” She turned to leave, only to be pulled back by a hand on her shoulder.

The despair on Eri’s face seemed to have only lasted mere seconds before returning to his bright, usual self. “Hey, Serori-kun, did you get chocolates for anyone else? Or only us?”

Rolling her eyes, she turned back around. “Well it’s the morning on a school day, and I’m not at school, so what do you think?” She scratched at her cheek in thought. “Maybe I should get something for the rugby team manager, since I’m the captain, but other than that…” She paused and then shook her head. “No one else.”

“No?” Eri frowned, eyebrows drawing inward and creating imperfect lines on his otherwise handsome face. “What about that girl you like? The one you brought to karaoke?”

Looking at Eri like he was an idiot, Serori clicked her tongue. “It’s Valentine’s Day. That would be insulting.”

“Insulting?” He tilted his head to the side.

“Valentine’s Day is supposed to be when women give chocolates to men, and then they turn around and return the favor on White Day. If I gave Yohane chocolates for Valentine’s Day, I’d be saying she’s boyish. She’d be insulted.” Serori clicked her tongue again. “Don’t you know anything?”

Ren nodded in agreement, having resigned himself to getting no work done for as long as Serori was hanging around. “It’s simple. Valentine’s Day is when the men receive, and White Day is when the women do.”

“Hmmmm…” Eri pressed a finger to his lips. “But White Day is a reciprocal holiday, isn’t it? You only get things for people who got you something on Valentine’s Day. If you don’t get her a Valentine’s Day gift, then neither of you will be able to receive anything on White Day without an imbalance.”

Serori frowned, but reluctantly nodded. “I guess that’s right,” she conceded.

“So what’s wrong with getting her chocolates?”

“Because she’ll think I’m saying she’s boyish!”

“Well there’s nothing wrong with that, is there?” Eri teased. “After, all we call YOU boyish all the time, Se-ro-ri-kuuuuuuuuun.”

“That’s not the same thing at all!”

In the interest of resolving the dilemma as fast as possible to get back to his work, Ren chimed in with a slow, measured thought. “Maybe we’re thinking about it the wrong way,” he mumbled. “Maybe it’s not so much about who receives gifts, but who gives them. If you think of it like that, then Valentine’s Day is when women give chocolates, but even if White Day is then a day when men give gifts, she would still be socially obligated to get you something back due to the reciprocity of the holiday.”

Eri made an obnoxious fake laugh and threw his hand over his mouth, bouncing his shoulders in an exaggerated motion with each guffaw. “I don’t think that solves anything at all, Ren-kun. After all, Serori-kun is such a naturally tomboyish girl that if that were the case, it wouldn’t be proper for her to give gifts.”

With a burst of speed, Serori reached out and snatched both boxes of chocolates from the men and hid them behind her back. “Well if that’s the case then I guess I shouldn’t be giving you these, should I?”

Instantaneously, Eri’s face became crestfallen as he weakly reached over his computer screen, making grabby hands in Serori’s direction. “No fair! I take it back, I take it back! Serori-chan is the picture of Japanese beauty, just give me back my chocolaaaaaaate!”

Ren gave another knowing nod. “As to be expected.”

Serori placed one box back on the table next to Ren’s computer, and lobbed the other at Eri’s face, catching him in the forehead and sending him backwards over his chair. Pretending to dust off her hands, she crossed her arms, even as Eri stumbled back to his feet. “So we didn’t solve anything,” she said flatly, faking another grab at the box, to which Eri protectively cradled it in his arms. “If I don’t get her anything, then she won’t know I like her, but if I get her something unprovoked, she might think I’m making fun of her…” Scratching at her cheek again, she groaned. “It would all be easier if she just got me something first…”

Eri snorted as he ripped open the box on a side clearly not marked with an opening tab. “Well that’s not going to happen,” he murmured as he tore at the wrapping in a haphazard way.

Serori glared and pointed accusingly at the man. “I will take those chocolates back and eat them in front of you if you don’t start offering some real suggestions!”

“Not my obligation chocolate! It has obligation right in the name, you can’t just take it back!”

“I suppose then it would become self-chocolate,” Ren mused. “In other countries, isn’t Valentine’s Day different?”

“Huh?” Serori cocked her head to the side, making one last threatening gesture towards Eri before looking towards Ren. “Different how?”

“Well…” Ren wrinkled his nose and gave a small shrug. “White Day is only in Japan, isn’t it? So, naturally, Valentine’s Day must be different for foreign countries. Maybe it’s appropriate for anyone to get gifts for anyone there.” He shrugged a second time. “Not that I really care, but if you want to give that girl something for Valentine’s Day, you should. It might not even be a big deal.”

“Uh huh, uh huh,” Eri parroted, having already begun to stuff confections into his mouth. “True feelings chocolate! With love in every bite!”

“You really are an idiot,” Serori mumbled, though she reflection on what Ren had said. “But I guess… That makes some sense? I mean, I guess if she were going to turn me down, then it wouldn’t matter either way and would be better to know now than later. And if she were going to accept… I guess it wouldn’t matter to break the rules a little…” She smacked her fist into her open palm. “Alright! I’ll do it!”

Eri gave a big smile. “Serori-kun, such determined fire! I love it!”

“Good luck,” Ren mumbled, turning back to his computer, eager to get back to work. “You should probably go quickly, though. The stores might be out of chocolate soon.”

Throwing her headphones back over her ears, Serori gave a quick nod. “Right! Later!” she said as she dashed up the stairs and out of the building.

---

“Hmm…” Serori stared at the wall of chocolate in the grocery store’s Valentine’s Day display. When it was just buying cheap things for her male friends, it didn’t really matter what she got, but if she was getting something for Yohane, it needed to be good. The only problem was that she herself rarely ate sweets, so she lacked a strong understanding of what might be appropriate.

“This could be good?” she mumbled to herself as she pulled an expensive heart-shaped box off the rack and held it up. “Nuts?” If she was going to do this, she wanted to do it right, but it had been a long time since she’d last seriously bought Valentine’s chocolate for someone special.

A woman working nearby must have noticed her dilemma, taking an eager step over to Serori’s side. “Welcome!” she said in a cheery voice, with a wide smile on her face. “Is there something I can help you with?”

The high school girl was put-off by the woman’s sudden appearance. It was unlike shop workers to engage in conversation like this, but she supposed that they wanted to sell as much expensive chocolate as possible while it was still Valentine’s Day. “Er, no,” she answered with a shake of her head. “I’m fine.”

That didn’t seem to do much to get the woman out of her hair, and she took an exploratory step forward, eyes scanning the rack. “A little late to be buying chocolate, isn’t it? Did you forget someone important?” She seemed to be teasing Serori, a fact that the younger girl took rather poorly.

“It’s nothing like that!” She threw her hands up in disagreement, firmly shaking her head again. “I’m just trying to think of what kind of chocolate you should buy for a girl!” Having not meant to explain herself, pink gathered at her cheeks, but she quickly crossed her arms and turned away to hide her embarrassment.

“For a girl…?” The woman seemed completely out of her depth for a moment, the confusion clear on her face. It only lasted a moment, though, before she snapped her fingers and nodded with clear understanding. “Aha! You must mean friend chocolate, right?” She pressed her hand against her chest and gave a knowing nod. “That’s what’s become popular with girls your age, right? That’s so sweet, that girls without boyfriends can still have someone to give to.”

Recoiling as if she’d been shot, Serori scowled as her eye twitched. “No, it’s not friend chocolate at all!”

The woman frowned again, seemingly confused. Again, it was fleeting, before she snapped again. “Aha! You must be a foreigner! Your accent should have given it away, I’m very sorry for not realizing earlier.” Nodding to herself with a satisfied smile, she kept speaking, though now with a condescending, paternalistic tone. “You probably have heard of obligation chocolate, but you see, here in Japan, Valentine’s Day is only for girls to give chocolates to boys they know, not girls. Don’t worry, you’re definitely not expected to buy for ALL your classmates.” At that thought, she faltered. “Ah, wait, shouldn’t you be in class?”

Serori could practically see the flames of anger wrapping around her body. “I’m not a foreigner! I’m Osakan! And it’s not friend chocolate or obligation chocolate or anything like that! I’m looking for true feelings chocolate!” Her ears burned red, but she held her ground

The woman tilted her head to the side with a blank smile on her face. “Eh? W-what? You’re looking for true feelings chocolate for…?” She held her static pose for a few seconds and then her cheery expression cracked as she realized what Serori meant. She dropped into a deep bow. “Please excuse me!”

---

In the end, she’d just decided to buy bulk chocolate of all types and make something herself. She was only an average cook, but melting down chocolate and then freezing it into a mold was well within her capabilities. Besides, homemade was better than store-bought, or so she’d been told.

It was only after she’d finished that the logistics of what she’d have to do started to sink in. Yohane lived in Numazu. Of course she did, that’s where she’d first passed by her, and she’d only come to Tokyo that one time to visit. It wasn’t like she could just run into the other girl casually, and it would be at least two hours and 4000 yen each way just to get to her. Her Valentine’s Day plan was clearly fraught with more holes than she’d expected, and besides, nothing had really been solved about her problem, had it? Ren and Eri had given their advice, in their own way, but the woman at the store had only confirmed Serori’s reservations. What she was doing was weird, and there was no way around that.

Her instinct, naturally, was to scrap the whole thing. She could have just thrown the chocolates away if she didn’t want to eat them herself, or she could have taken them to her juniors on the rugby team as a gift. She already felt like she was acting strangely, and she was sure Yohane wouldn’t want her to expend so much effort to see her. It would be altogether too much, wouldn’t it?

And yet, she found herself in Numazu, fresh off the train platform with a scarf around her neck for warmth. She’d already gone through the effort of making them, so it truly would have been a waste if they weren’t delivered. Once she’d stepped past the other passengers and made it to park bench where she could sit by herself for a moment, she stared down at the gift in her hands.

It was a heart-shaped box, modestly sized, and wooden with a strong, earthy scent. She’d painted it black and tied it shut with a white, lacy ribbon. Also in white, she’d painted Yohane’s name on near the center, just above the ribbon. She didn’t need to peek to remember the contents, having spent… probably more time than necessary making sure the chocolates were acceptable. There were 13, an unlucky number in Western culture, and they were split into nine and four, unlucky Japanese numbers. All primarily dark chocolate, some were standard heart shapes with white chocolate pentagrams baked on in thin, neat little lines. Others were faces, alternatingly cut to have horns and small devilish tails, or a halo and feathered wings, again with details carefully added through white chocolate trim.

Serori swallowed as she tucked the box under her arm. Her cool image weakened in the face of something like this. Giving gifts was such a personal thing, and even more so in this ritualized way. It was more than a little unsettling to be faced with the prospect of offering something that could be refused. The built-up confidence she’d acquired on the train began to wane.

Standing near a small trash can, she held the box over it. “This is stupid,” she mumbled, affecting an uninterested tone to her voice. “She doesn’t want it, and giving someone something they don’t want is a big pain.” She had every intention of throwing the box away, but… “Why am I even here? This was such a waste of my time.” Try as she might, she couldn’t seem to loose her fingers long enough to actually part with the gift, and she finally gave up with a sigh.

“Fine.”

She didn’t know where Yohane lived, but luckily, the Japanese mail service had a legendary reputation for correctly delivering on even the smallest information. She hadn’t been willing to risk it from Tokyo, but a local branch was sure to know what to do.

“I need this delivered to a girl,” Serori said as she set the box down atop the mailroom counter.

The worker was a youngish man with glasses and a seemingly unflappable disposition, his easy smile never wavering in the fact of a frightening girl practically ordering him around. “Of course. Anything else?”

“Her name’s Yohane, she’s 15, she has a silly little side bun like this.” Serori made a fist and held it to the side of her head. “And it needs to get to her tonight. That’s important.” It was a little ridiculous, Serori realized, that she didn’t even know the girl’s last name

“Of course,” the man repeated. “I know exactly who you’re talking about, and luckily, the last shipment for the day hasn’t left yet, so a late evening delivery shouldn’t be a problem at all.”

Serori couldn’t tell if he were being serious or not, but he started filling out a small form, even while still looking at her. “Great. Thank you,” she said with as much politeness as she could muster.

“Would you like to include your personal information with the delivery?” The man pressed the form to the box’s side and then looked at Serori expectantly.

“Er, sure,” she replied, feeling one last burst of unexpected hesitation. Was it enough just to know that Yohane would receive the gift? The whole point of all this had been to make some kind of measured declaration of feelings, right? So leaving her name off it would be counterproductive. Taking a pen, she scrawled her name on the form under the box marked “sender”, and also caught sight of what the man had written. “Tsushima…” she whispered to herself. Was that Yohane’s family name? It suited her if it was. “Thank you,” she said to the mail worker, paying for the delivery and then leaving.

She breathed a heavy sigh of relief as she boarded the train bound back home. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she hovered over Yohane’s name before deciding against it. There was no way it had been delivered yet, and she was sure the little fallen angel would text her if she had something to say. Serori let a small smile bloom on her lips as she rested her head against the window and tried to sleep. If it were some kind of rejection, she could wait to see it, and if it were something more positive… Well, it was amusing to imagine her friend working up the courage to send a message, and then practically tearing her hair out waiting for a response. After what Serori had been through that day, it only seemed fair.