#now i gotta do more of my drawing weekly homework that ive been ignoring lmfao

[cerealmonster15]

u know whats exciting for me but also kinda scary

i changed my major do digital arts last semester and the main thing i wanna do for it is 3d modeling/animation

and i mean, im terrified that im not gonna be able to do it/i’ll hate it/whatever but

im really excited about it and all the other arts classes im taking, and i realized im sorta following my ~childhood dream~ of being an artist

cause when i was a kid i liked the idea of drawing pictures and painting and stuff, and art was always my favorite class, but when i told my mom [who does painting and crafts and stuff for craft shows she does with my grandma ;p] that i wanted to be an artist, her immediate reaction was to go “o youll starve, artists dont make money” and im like well shit [except not really bc i was probably like 6 or something] and for so long i just threw the idea of being any kind of artist out the window bc it wasnt “realistic”

for a while i thought i wanted to be a doctor bc my grandpa’s a doctor and i liked the idea of helping people

but i’ve never really been particularly interested in biology and after taking honors bio in hs i realized it wasnt my thing

i still looked for other science and math based classes to find my interests in, and while i could handle them at a basic level, going deeper was stressful and just wasnt what i was into

digital arts tho

that’s fun. it’s a bit stressful, but it’s fun and i like it so far. i just hope i continue to like it enough to learn something useful so i can get a job ;p my mom is actually really supportive and says I should make the most of my ~college experience~ and that changing majors around and finding what i like is part of the process, and i guess now that ive got a more practical idea of what i wanna do, it’s more acceptable than just a vague “idk, i will art”

if 3d modeling doesnt work out, i was also interested in the interactivity and art section, even tho im not really sure what that means? like part of the summary is ‘computer interactivity by exploring human computer interactions, software programming, sensor acquisition, and the translation of human movements into expressive multimedia art forms’ which sounds stressful but super cool. we’re supposed to do 2 sequences and ive already started the digital video one, but maybe i’ll have extra time in my schedule for an interactivity class :”) i gotta meet with my adviser tbh, we got a lot to talk about

and then there’s grad school?? like, i dont go to an art school [i thought i was gonna do physics or comp sci HAH] so there’s only so much i can learn here, so the idea of grad school is both exciting and stressful bc, bleh, more classes and more spending money. 

right now, im excited about taking my drawing class, and im gonna try to take drawing ii as well as painting and maybe sculpture to help me out with 3d modeling concepts and stuff so i’ve got a better idea of color theory and proportions and all that good stuff

i wanna be well rounded

i really wanna learn art

im excited, and im scared, but i have a clearer(ish) view on what i wanna do with my life. physics i had no idea. comp sci was pretty open ended and i was interested in game design. digital arts/3d modeling and animation, i could still try for game design but the more artsy side of it

and maybe... work on shows :”) maybe rooster teeth, tho i know like 56564675 people have dreams of working there too, so that’s a little intimidating

but i gotta say theyre part of the long process of me getting re-inspired to study and pursue art

rooster teeth and a lot of my supportive friends who are always so sweet to me and helping me out emotionally and encouraging me :”) it does help me get through times where i really feel stuck

i think i’m doing what i want to study now and not what i feel like i “had” to do because it was “safe” cause really, those werent “safe” options for me because i didnt like them and i didnt understand them

i think in pictures and am a visual learner

i think im where i’m supposed to be right now

i’m scared

but excited