#now i just play 4d chess against myself

[thankskenpenders]

I know Ken is notorious for his, um, odd creation habits, but even I’m shocked that it’s been over 10 years of work and THIS is all he has to show for it. I would maybe be a bit more lenient if each new page was hyper detailed or something like that, but as you pointed out in your review, he reused the same images across plenty of panels and so many of his backgrounds are just stock photos. The only way I can reconcile this to myself is wondering if maybe a bunch of that time was eaten up by extensive rewrites to his plans for the whole series, but even then, I’ll be even more shocked if the next volume ever comes out.

So I didn't get into this in the review because I really just wanted to focus on the book and the weird copyright situation that led to its creation, not Ken's personal life or his other endeavors, but he did make something else in the time since The Lara-Su Chronicles' announcement 13 years ago. That being his independent film: The Republic. Because after he left Archie Ken figured he'd move on to a career in Hollywood.

I think this was originally supposed to be a TV show, the pilot episode for which was released in 2010, but then in 2016 he decided to retool it as a commentary on Trump's immigration policies. I think the movie is still somehow not out despite being shot a few years ago, but he put out a trailer here:

Yes, the trailer really opens with 30 seconds of footage of Trump from CNN. I know writers who use subtext and they're all cowards etc. etc.

At least the cast is clearly trying their best in spite of the material. It's not Birdemic bad. And yes, that's Sean Young. THE Sean Young! Rachael from Blade Runner! I guess Ken's really eager to flex the fact that he's friends with a couple lower-level Hollywood producers.

Anyway, I think he's still looking for a distributor for this. It's truly a mystery why no one was eager to pick this up.

Ken's also said some stuff about how he waited years to put out TLSC: Beginnings as part of the 4D chess game he's playing with the copyright stuff. He has a general idea of what he can do based on the terms of the settlement, but he's eager to push it as far as he can. He tested the waters with things like a few small pieces of TLSC merch and an NFT announcement, to see if Sega would take legal action. In particular, the announcement that he was going to sell an NFT of Shade from Sonic Chronicles was a stunt designed to see if Sega would challenge his claim that Shade is legally the same character as Julie-Su. Since they haven't gone after him, and now it's been a few years, he's taking that as evidence that Sega isn't actively exercising those copyrights and isn't going to fight for this stuff.

There's some logic here. Part of the reason Dan DeCarlo lost his battle with Archie over the rights to Josie and the Pussycats is that he didn't take action against them sooner for making merch and whatnot. It's "use it or lose it" with copyrights. But it mostly just comes off as an excuse. If it was purely a waiting game and he had all this extra time, why did he need to recycle art so much in Beginnings? Why is he only releasing 30 new pages of material instead of a whole graphic novel? Where's the app? Why didn't he spellcheck the damn book?

[autobot-ratchet]

MTMTE 56, 57, and Revolution

MTMTE 56

and now for something completely different

“I know I'm paranoid. Contrary to popular belief, that doesn't mean I think everyone's out to get me. It just means I don't know who is and who isn't.” HEY. BIG SAME LMFAO not to gripe on fandom culture once again but y'all literally ruined my brain chemistry and I think it's fair for me to talk about it lmAO I know that not literally everyone who participates in fandom is an insane person who wants to start a harassment campaign against a complete nobody like me because it would be easy clout and no one would help me, in fact most of you are pretty cool, but I know someone will. Because someone always does. I've seen enough of my peers get hurt and/or die to know that someone always does, even if you think you're not popular enough. Like, I hope y'all realize what a fucking act of bravery posting all this has been for me lmfAO you have no idea how many times I've had to stop myself from editing out a hot take out of fear that even one chronically online individual might feel the need to punish me to protect the purity of the funny alien robot comic, including this paragraph

gfdsjkk I forgot Fort Max just fuckin kicks Prowl while he's in his alt mode so it just looks like he's kicking a police car. ACAB

oh god Outrigger's a fuckin youtuber lmAO

aww I do like that both Fort Max and Red Alert tried to get in contact with anyone they could when they saw everyone's farewell message, they still have everyone's numbers. Ooh except Chromedome changed his, or at least I assume Prowl's talking about Chromedome

ooohh right, this was another theory if I remember correctly, that Fort Max used to be Pious Maximus, like he got shadowplayed from being one to the other. I vaguely remember a panel I think way back in the Shadowplay arc of a dude in the background who looked kind of like Fort Max when Prowl and Chromedome found one of the institutes

casually thousand yard stares off into space at Sentinel's monologue about how Cybertron is now full of “mongrel Cybertronians” and he wants to “wipe the slate clean.” I wish life would imitate art would imitate life a little less lmfAO

*points at Prowl* lol but also Sentinel leave Red alone, he doesn't deserve this

MTMTE 57

ohh man here we go, last issue of MTMTE. It's not the end of the comic, it just changes names, but this still always feels like a milestone. The name changes, the main artist changes, this is absolutely a turning point and it always feels strangely bittersweet to reach it during a readthrough

“You're not one of THOSE, are you?” is still such a funny line of dialogue, truly on some care bears villain shit

still incredibly funny that Prowl has to use his table-flipping skills to reactivate the titan. The release mechanism was just. Conveniently table-shaped

man no wonder Red Alert got overwhelmed and tried to end it, poor dude's been out here playing 4D chess with his own brain for millions of years

fgshdjks Sentinel gets knocked into a pit by a bird and unceremoniously falls to his death. I've never seen anyone get more owned in my life

“You hate change. I sympathize.” “I hate endings.” “Same thing.” yEAH. YEAH THAT'S WHY THIS ALWAYS FEELS SO BITTERSWEET like yeah it's not an actual ending, but it is the end of certain constants that had been established (like the name, the main artist, etc) and like. That's enough! That's enough of a change for it to be felt! Not to get too deep or anything but it's normal to mourn for the loss of a life you're still living because it's no longer the same life

MTMTE Revolution

but before we move on, one more issue of MTMTE lmAO

god I completely forgot about Crankcase's online boyfriend

gfsjdkl Krok and Fulcrum trying to help Crankcase prepare for his date........ they're real ones

gOD THEIR STUPID HOLOMATTER AVATARS...

THEY FUCKIN BURIED HIS ASS god they are so bad at humans lmfAO

aww, Grimlock... shame he had to level a handful of cities to get his keepsake back but that's very sweet lmAO

fdhjks poor MP3

[alukaforyou]

omg i went to the niiiiicest chic little hanbok store in new jersey yesterday they are called "the hanbok" at fort lee, the two ladies working there was soooo so so sooooo sweet and nice and welcoming 😭 i really recommend them if anyone in the area needs to rent or get custom stuff made LOL i've been to two local shops in nyc and honestly i was kind of intimidated by the ladies that owned the shops, maybe cuz they were older women and they seemed strict idk thats a ME problem but the women at the hanbok were so chill and i wasnt as scared there 🤣 i looked at a bunch of their swatches but its like playing 4d chess picking the colors cuz the swatches are taped in 2 layers, with the upper layer going over the lower layer, so its 1 layer of fabric on the white board, and 2 layers of fabric hanging off the board and IT LOOKS SO DIFFERENT cuz the material is translucent so the color changes depending on whether its single or double layer, and if its against white or colored lining? so i feel like the final product will be gacha again idk. also i shouldve prefaced by saying i got custom hanbok made from korea but obvs couldnt see the swatches irl and lemme tell u the pink photographs pink but irl its more peach so 😵‍💫 the cut and fit of it is nearly perfect tho so im still v happy w it! i took it to new jersey so the hanbok shop can recreate it with new fabric lol

see it looks so baby pink in da pics lol trickery. the underskirt the korean person send me is kind of a stiff mesh / organza layered thing, it has nice volume for pics but i feel like bc its more stiff the movement is less swishy irl? the new jersey shop is gonna make smth more layered with normal fabric so hopefully that works out better??

also im wondering if i should have asked to make the skirt shorter cuz the feet showing under is act kind of cute and practical? the current skirt is floor length lol. the feet is a nice silhouette break. i have a fitting at the end of july so maybe i can ask then 👉👈

^random ppl on ig man i lov hanbok wtf. i wish i knew how to sew this myself cuz i feel so annoying being ultra specific with my design & fit notes 💀 like at this rate i rly better just start making it myself LOL but i cant sew so RIP also i cant understand how they make the top, its like origami the way they attach the lining and fold everything down and inside itself like??? 😵‍💫

thats my fave pic i think its from an exhibition but MAN is that top cropped and fitted. and maybe its cuz the mannequin is holding the skirt up but the shoes showing looks good so yea im like pro ankle length skirt now ig?

[moe-broey]

Also that's not even touching on how I've always felt closer to queerness than anything else, and now that I'm transgender, it's just. I'm thinking of my family and I'm paralyzed by the perception. Any relationship I'd have would be inherently queer. But like I am banging my head against the wall doing 4D chess like. Can't bring a girl home because I'll be seen as a lesbian (I'm a man, shoutouts to lesbians but I am not one), if I bring home a man god forbid they think I'm "fixed" now. Or they assume he sees me as woman-lite. When I'm a man. Any non-binary person is going to be measured up by whatever their agab seems to be and dear fucking lord. I do not want to subject any trans people to this hell. I don't want to subject anyone to this hell. I don't want to be here, myself. Isolate and ignore. And play pretend. Draw my little drawings forever. I am removing myself from my own life. Goodbye.

[wychelm]

bummed about how elusive writing is. writing "well" at least. writing in a compelling and interesting way... I write way too stiffly, like I'm writing an academic essay (not even a good one), but whenever I wrote academic essays at uni I got so frustrated by how soulless and un-creative they felt, how everything has to be constrained by other people's ideas and arguments & neatly referenced. I didn't even MIND the referencing itself, it was kind of peaceful and satisfying in its own way, just the way... I don't know, but I think I took a little too much 'being logical' from uni writing and a little too much "constant allusion" from uni reading and I can't write anything creatively cohesive. sometimes I can write very descriptively, sometimes dialogue feels okay, mostly it's somewhere between clinical and Victorian hack, but the narrative is never cohesive and it is never, ever finished.

I think the goal is always close third person or an attempt at first person, but it never works out because I have to actively work against myself to put the character's personality into the writing rather than my own like machinations on language and attempts at metaphors the character wouldn't even choose. it's like a constant struggle against myself. a wheel turning in the dirt, going nowhere. and it's so frustrating because I want to be outside myself. the whole point of writing is that I want to inhabit other people and perspectives and ideas but fundamentally I'm not actually that good at it, because I can't do it very convincingly, even if I feel like I know them better than myself. and ultimately writing is about being convincing.

anyway this moping spawned because I wanted to write some stupid Alien shit to escape the physical pain I'm in again and I just can't seem to finish anything, ever, or even get past preliminary ideas, because I get sidetracked. I feel like I have to know everything in the world there is to know before I can even start to write. to write about an android I have to know everything about Wittgenstein's TLP, be able to recite Dreyfus' What Computers (Still) Can't Do from memory, and comprehend every word of physics papers from the 90s discussing the physical nature of information, and even then my brain considers that a limited set of sources. and then that is to say nothing of the actual WRITING, which might not even directly mention any of this stuff, but nonetheless will be informed by it conceptually and will make the writing more real.

it's like, to write well you have to be 100000 steps ahead of the actual thing you're writing. I'm playing 4D chess with myself here. I always have to know more than I know. the actual writing will always be dimmer than the knowledge itself, less interesting, less developed. especially compared to other people. some people can just balance all of this shit perfectly. cabrones.

anyway all this to say I have written 0 words but I've spent hours reading MULTIPLE Alien fan wikis (none of it makes any sense or is consistent but there we are), Wittgenstein's biography plus some bits and pieces of his writing (cool but now I want to buy the collection of his family letters), and half a psychology article about the physical nature of thought (I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH READING IT!!! LIKE COME ONNNNN BE SERIOUS WILL!!!!)

all this because I think it would be fun to hit a sweet little android with a little SOMEONE WANTS TO CUT A HOLE IN YOU AND FUCK YOU THROUGH IT, BUDDY!!!! but, like, literally

[dlartistanon]

Muelsyse appreciation... I’m finding myself really liking her. What is her agenda? Such a fascinating character.

Their dynamic is kinda basically what I was memeing about/hoping for, in that Mumu is a tease who's unafraid of death by teasing Saria, someone who could very easily break her neck. 

From what little I’ve seen of her, she’s just so interesting, like I can't tell if she actually has morals or not.

Muelsyse is all but stated to be acting as Control's spy, her eyes and ears. Saria talks to her like she knows Mumu will report everything back to Control. But at the same time, there are implications that Mumu isn’t 100% onboard with Control. She has a certain expression on her face on one page that suggests she was unaware of the truth behind Ifrit/Haydn Pharmaceuticals. Ifrit is a human experiment, which is definitely not legal, according to Saria. Mumu could be surprised that Control was willing to go this far, by signing off on the project and using Rhine to fund Haydn.

Mansfield Break has her say that she doesn’t like the other Directors. Mumu could be snooping around Rhine Lab in order to find out what secrets there are to use them for leverage. She feels powerless in her position at Rhine Lab and wants to screw over Ferdinand, who is basically in charge of two departments. Saria will take out everyone who's ever hurt Ifrit (including Ferdinand), so her and Mumu's goals align for now. Mumu might intend to use the tape they found as blackmail against Control, in exchange for more influence.

Mumu doesn’t appear to want Rhine lab dismantled, but depending on her intentions, she may very well be another one of Saria's targets. The enemy of my enemy is my friend? Who knows. If Mumu was completely loyal to Control, she wouldn’t have let Saria find the incriminating tape. So it doesn’t seem as if she was in on it from the start and isn’t covering up for anyone. 

Despite addressing Ifrit as an object, Mumu might... genuinely pity Ifrit? It’s hard to say. After giving the candy to Saria (who later gave it to Ifrit during one of her fits), she said “it’s good for settling moods”. Ifrit’s trauma runs deeper than what they both initially assumed.

Is Mumu’s friendship with Iffy just part of her powerplay? Or is that for Control's benefit? Cutesy nickname for Ifrit aside, it seems they both have some sort of secret together. Having the tape and being in Ifrit’s good graces could just be “insurance” for her plans. 

What throws me for a loop is that NoriZC implies she’s part of The Family... the token evil aunt? Morally skewed aunt? WHAT IS SHE

Muelsyse over here playing 4D chess and while complex characters are great, by golly are they a pain to figure out

[acatpersonapparently]

@plzdonthitmewithyourcar and I were discussing Jemtoria and Tuggoffelees on board game night. I'd like to present y'all with a masterpost of our genius:

Boardgame night is dangerous, starts with Tuggoffelees on one team and Jemtoria on the other but they usually have to switch the teams because Misto and Vic get into ugly sibling arguments so the siblings have to be on one team, Jem and Tugs on the other (they usually win)

Jem and Tugger are an unstoppable force. Vic and Misto are both too competitive to have fun.

They occasionally slip up cause Misto will be like "Can I JUST have this??" and Tugger is instinctively like okay and Jemima is too nice to argue and is like "yeah, they're already so far behind"

That's the most scary part, Tugger and Jem together are the luckiest people are earth

They even win trivia by cheer luck:

Misto: the question is-

Tugger: I'm feeling D

Jem: let's pick D :D

Misto: I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISH THE QUESTION AND *CHUCKS CARD* THEY'RE FUCKING RIGHT GODDAMMIT

Vic: *pouring herself more wine*

Vic and Misto are here to win and are infuristed because winning means nothing to Jem and Tugger yet they win every time. They're just raging playing Sorry! cause this game is "SUPPOSED TO BE RANDOM" but Jem and Tugger have 3 pegs in home and they have 1 at home and 1 that keeps getting sent back before they get it around the board

They win in twister against two highly skilled ballerinas despite one of them being disproportionally tall and the other is the tiniest cat in the clan, BUT SOMEHOW!

(Victoria: I CAN TURN MYSELF INTO A PRETZEL!!! AND HE CAN DO THE SPLITS??? HOW???

Jem: I don't know I just put right hand on red relaxed :) )

Cards Against Humanity is always a slaughter house because Vic and Misto are trying to do mental 4D chess picking cards and Jem and Tugger are just picking at random or just whatever makes them giggle. ("Heh, I picked it cause it said PENIS!!! *breaks down giggling*)

The siblings slam down the chess board and Tugger and Jem are like... Discussing how the pieces even move while Vic and Misto talk Russian chess strats and then they win and Misto throws the board and Vic starts chugging wine and begging how the fuck did they do that and Jemima is like "I thought the horse was pretty" and Tugger's like "the Bishop meant I could tell the church what to do" and Misto sets the board on fire while Victoria starts drunk sobbing "What The Fuck???" And Jem and Tugger are like "Same time, next week? What snacks should we have?"

It's gotten to the point where Jemima and Tugger's combined luck brings the competitive siblings closer together. They are now making up their own games with their own rules designed to give them different advantages, except Tugger and Jemima still somehow always come out victorious

The siblings meet up to practice the games and Tugger and Jem usually take the time to go out for coffee and be like: "gosh, aren't we lucky? Aren't they lovely?" Misto and Vic are busy carving like "FUCK TUGGER & JEM, VICTORY!!!" into their arms

Tugger and Jem: they're so smart and creative coming up with these games. We should make nachos this week

Misto and Vic: *calling upon the dark arts to bring them luck and good fortune*

Misto and Vic show up in matching team jackets for luck and mental unity and Jem and Tugger are like "wow so beautiful" and they show up in their own next week and the siblings just bang their heads into the table

Victoria and Misto's are like a custom 500$ track suit with embroidery and their family crest and Jemima and Tugger are in two bedazzled denim jackets with a handpainted letter and pictures that kinda look like the same thing but you can definitely tell Jem made Tugger's and Tugger made Jem's

Jem and Tugger: *visibly shedding glitter*

Vic and Misto: *pristine, perfect, ironed out any wrinkles before putting them on*

Tugger and Jemima are always infuriatingly optimistic and encouraging towards Misto and Vic "I'm sure you'll win this time!" "You're so much better at __" "You'll get it next time!" "You almost had us!"

Vic and Misto: YOU'RE RIGHT *turns into blubbering messes* why can't we wiiiinnn

Jem and Tugger: *comforts them, bring them to the couches and wraps them up and turns on the night's movie* there there

(Just... couple's board game night, y'know?)

[gottalovelifeya]

First off let me say, I love her and want to be with her some of this may seem mean but all I can do is my best to get the complete msg out there and out there clearly.

Honestly after as open and honest as I've bene, and after putting up with this sick game, after telling her every last thing about myself, and after telling her every feeling I have for her, there's nothing I can say now toake her believe me.

If she throws all that away, because I forgot something wene asked, than honestly Itell still hurt, but I can definitely get over her, and I'm not saying that in a mean way.

These past 3 weeks, I've just had to put up with alot and and bene on a emotional rollercoaster, and you know what, ill still do it and would do it again of there was even a chance with her.

I just have this problem were I need to know information about potential threats/hazards/BS and she's never bene in a world like, were you have to plan for every single outcome were lives could be the price of not doing that, she dosnt understand, but that's one of my flaws I carry from my past, because I've seen a fucked up world were you don't just see your home town, wene your mind is on the globe as a hole and just haveing to consume news and media and know what's going on everywhere becuse you have to be ready to go there in a moment's notice to go fight and die, I spilled blood on the other side of the world so that people here don't have to think the way I do and experience what I've bene threw, you have to transform your mind into a mithoducal and cold calculated risk assessing thing, you have to imbrace that there are people in the world who want, you, your loved ones, and your fellow countrymen dead, all because they just hate that you exist

A good quote that summarizes why I'm this way, and it really speaks volumes

- good men do bad things, so that you can lay your head down at night and never have to see the reality of how terrifying the world is.

you have to fortify your mind and start thinking in a completely different way to love that life, you have to be ready and willing to do so really Hanis shit to keep the people close to you safe weather it's your brothers in arms or your family, because the world is nobody's friend, and I'm a product of the military mind set, it was our job, to find people and distroy them. And how I find people now is a extremely waters down version of why kinds of resources I had than.

But here in good ol' america you don't destroy people, you don't hunt down people, you don't phisicaly hurt someone unless it's a last resort, and a peacful agreement cant be reached. This is all just step to take preventative action latter so a real problem can't happen.

So lets talk about a little backdrop to set the tone for what all that means, so there's this other guy that if me and her got together like I've bene blogging about, I see a possibility of him being a problem, and once I have her I can't loose her to some dumb shit like this game were playing, so if I ever found out, I would go to his house nock on his door, and tell him to quit his shit, and thated be the end of it, and not trying to be scary but I know his name, face, work history, and phone number, and address.

With information like that, you just show up at someone's home and say hey don't fuck with my life or the people in it, and the magority of people in this world would take that as a sign to back off and comply. And thated just be the end of it

These past 3 weeks, All I know is Ive put up with to much shit and bene put threw to much pain and dread, and just living this horrible reality were were she actually is with someone else but have to accept it, because I can't just call him and end it or do some off the wall shit that would ultimately hurt her or make her look bad

So all I'm saying is, if I forgot to say one little detail wene you asked a question the worlds not ending so do t let it. I really am sorry I forgot to say something, but honestly wene I told you I knew his name I didn't know this other stuff, and there's no way it was just 4 days ago that I told you that I told you his name weeks ago.

Cut me a little slack, your not the one getting screwed over. I've bene nothing but good to you and done all you will let me do to help you. So don't throw away all we've talked about and cryed over because if this. I'm on your side, and you know what I just haven't bene treated right in all this, and I put up with it because in the end this life with you would be worth that. but that's not fair to me

Because I'm sorry to say, I've seen the world and know how bad it is, now yes running a background check on a boyfriend might be a little extreme and overkill for the situation, but hey, that's the world I come from, and I just need to know what I'm up against.

So love if you read this, this isn't me being mean or hatefull, I'm just trying to tell my story so I can read it, and figure it out on my side of things, I honestly don't think I did anything worng, I didn't intend to withhold information. Shit just happens, so please don't think bad of me

But that statement towerds the top, if your willing to though this away, or abandon me for a slip up, and just me haveing control over my life, and wanting information, than honestly the illusion will be broken and I'll be fine, if I'm worth that little to you, and if this of all things kills it you realy were just a dream

Again this is for me, this is my story of the night, I still love you, and I still want you, but if you cut off what we got going because you think I'm scary or hideing shit your a lost cause, because I can't fix or change that, that's a you thing at that point.

Don't take offense because your still saying you have to think about it. That's just the outcome of my thot process if you really cant come to terms or just accept that flaw of mine, becuse I accept your flaws, for better or worse, becuse nobody's perfect and love is looking past the flaws and seeing the person, and that why I tell you your perfect because I can see who you are, and I can see your soul and I know your a good person dispite the past and our current challenges.

We've just bene shaped by 2 different worlds, I promise I'm not a bad guy, and I promise I'm not scary, but information is power, and in that game I hold every card and hold It close to my chest. Because if there's ever a real problem itell get handled, because I don't play games on or with people, except for this one scenario we find our selves in now, because I see a light at the end of the tunnel and its your prity little face.

Regardless I'll always be here for you if you call and need something, weather it's me or just help from me. Hell it can litterly be anything you want.

Let me just explain this before I wrap this up, how do I find what I find, how do I know what I know, so anytime someone links there email to something, anytime they make an account, anytime you do anything on the internet, or register a vehicle, claim a asset, or do anything that gets submitted into a data base, you leave a trail behind you. So will call them "crumbs", so whenever someone wants to find something out they can use those "crumbs" to patch everything together, it's all public information, its all out there, anybody can do it, it's just learning to do it is the complicated part and it's something you have to show, I could never explain it to you, now there are hundreds of ways to protect yourself, but once your out there you can never make any of it go away, you can only prevent future "crumbs" from showing up, so it's all out there and anybody, can use the "crumbs" to search who you are and anything about you, everything I found was done legally, and it's all online, its there for the world to see, but again your average person dosnt think like me, because it's almost like a puzzle and you have to take words, emails, and found accounts, and then bend and find trends to find more, I believe it's called analytics but I'm not 100% basically is observation and patterns, and once you learn to see patterns the way I do, all you need is a single crumb, and for me that was his name, and then it leads to everything else. Public records are a scary thing, and the shit people post on the internet is baffling that you'd let random people see your life. I'll teach you about computer security of you want. And how to not leave "crumbs"

So I hope this all gives you something to think about and maby explains my feeling on it, I don't know honestly, I'm just more interested to see if you can except me at this point because I've told you everything and bene 100% honest, and with everything I've put up with in this situation, if you can't accept me now, itell say alot about you as a person, and again itell suck, but if you can't, than I honestly won't want anything to do with you, it would really feel like betrayal honestly, I've full given myself to you, and if this is enough to completely thro you off your game and think I'm a monster or a bad person, than wear not ment to be. I deal with my problems my own way and I make plains and seek information to prevent future problems.

Also that trust problems stuff, it really is just me being upset about the phone blocking thing, I think that's a sick discussting thing to do to someone who loves you. And ied appreciate it if you just never did it again.

And the trust comment about his address, water under the bridge.

So, I really do love you with all my heart, and I really do care about you and appreciate you. And all I want is to build a happy life and family with you.

I am a good person and I will be good to you and our future family, but to anybody who trys to take you or my family, they won't be tolerated. And I just don't see how that's a bad or scary thing, that I'm playing 4D Chess so that issues can't become problems. Hell look at my retirement as an example, I'm 23 and will never have financial problems, I've accounted for the future and played my cards smartly. So I know everything know so that I can peacefully resolve a situation later. That's all it is.

So reach out wene your ready, and I'll respect whatever you have to say about it, wether you accept it or if you don't, for better or worse. Just don't think I'm scary, and don't think any off this is mean, don't think anything bad would ever happen to him. I'm not a thug and I'm not a murderer, I'm simply a guy who looks out for himself and his household.

So just take your time and think, and hell ied almost say wait until you dicide to leave him or not, then reach out, but it's all about how you want this to go, I just know how fragile this is so this will be my last post, and I'll just wait on word from you. So if you read this and don't think I explained it well, or it just dosnt sit right with you.

Than, I love you, always remember I love you, and know in your heart for all my imperfections and all my flaws I love you, and Ill always here for you if you need me

And last but not least this isnt me giving up hope, and I'm not turning my back on you, my feelings are hurt, and my pacints is thin, but none of this is me trying to take It out on you, or me trying to be spitefull to you.

hopefully the next time we talk, you will accept me for me, and yull be single.

I love you

[fmlfpl]

Dear Diary: Day 1/Night 2 of Alon on Wildcard

Back at it again. Just some stream of consciousness flowing from me before sleeping and back at it tomorrow. Here we go:

Thinking back in time about the post-mortem and the pre-cog episodes (I wanna re-listen this week if possible) and I’m trying to actually bring some of those lessons aggressively into my Wildcard team and one of the things was Palace and Burnley.

Always reliable for cleans. Get’em. Ok. Getting’em…

Tinkering in the 4D chess combo of Ward + Ferguson for 8.5m -  guaranteed Palace right-back - and with Taylor from Burnley the rotation is pretty nice alongside the god, Trent, and Saïss with Wolves’ fixtures is pretty great and cheap and good feeling. Don’t feel like I’ll have to make any moves in defense for months there barring injury which is sort of a goal here.

Started my season with Mane and started my wildcard with Salah and now I’m wondering if I’ll have either when I finally print the thing...

Captaincy is very important to me when deciding over 12m players and honestly I don’t see a world where I captain either Liverpool guy in the next three GWs. Yeah, GW4 away Villa is good, but I so much prefer City against Leeds for my cap there. Could be a TEN goal match.

So this is my first time tinkering with a team of Raz+KDB+Jesus. Oh man… That’d probably be captain for the next two GWs, one of them, and then move on from one of them in GW5 to a different captain-able asset. HMMMMMmmmmmm…….. ok ok ok....

There has also been a sneaky mid-price mid crop popping up that’s getting trendy.

Wilf has been playing OOP forward like the good ole days and when he plays up top in the 4-4-2 he really owns in the stats and the eyetest and the production. He’s so much more influential and better up top then at wing. But will it last once Bats gets in? And will he be staying at Palace this transfer window? Not sure.

The other main guy in this range is Harvey Barnes also at 7.0 and he’s just good. He’s one of the MANY frustrating wingery/wide forward guys who are seemingly bad at finishing and shit but Harvey’s also really good at getting chances in the box and that’s more important. That skill is very good and very repeatable whereas finishing we don’t know that much about in general so it’s better to rely on that ability of getting on the chances when projecting forward.

Leicester are good, he’s good, he’s a good pick. He finished with 16 returns last season in just 2075 minutes (24 starts) which is very solid and projects out to 21ish returns for more realistic starter minutes (2800) and again, that’s just fucking good. He’s young and maybe he’ll improve / is improving. TLDR I’m definitely interested in Harv and I’m disappointed in myself for letting Leicester’s bad end of last season get in my way of considering Harv for GW1 team this season.

Robbo is also on my mind... part of my double barrel Liverpool clean this GW but also he was so incredibly involved and forward.

Yes, on the one hand he fucked everything up, 1/12 successful crosses on the day. You hate to see it. But last season he didn’t have a single match in the Prem nor Champions League with double digit crosses. He also had the most successful passes in the final third in the match, second most (to salah) touches in the final third in the match, and look at his Passes Received Heatmap below... 

Long story short maybe there’s a world where it’s not all on Trent to deliver the final balls and Robbo takes on more attacking responsibility as he did in the post-restart end of last season. Maybe double barrel Liverpool fullbacks is exactly what I want for a long-term Wildcard setup. Maybe just maybe...

That’s it for today y’all, super fucking tired basically watched sports for 16 hours straight. Sundays are fucked up... Pod tomorrow night (Monday night) and the diary entries will continue as well.

Cheers,

Alon

[ts-nightingaleislands]

Episode #2- “My dumb ass tribe apparently doesn’t know how to play chess”- Tawni

I want to go and do some chatting today if I can, get people feel more comfy. I have to be consistent because when you're consistent peoppe are going to want to have you around longer. So I am gonna work on the whole tribe if I can!!

I am so conflicted right now. Rizo has potential to be one of my closest allies and that makes me kind of concerned for this. The twist has me needing him gone to get the idol and Im not concerned with it, but like realistically I feel like I have one of the easier lists...I cant decide if I should trll him to assure I never want the idol or keep it a secret. I could claim Ill never target him but really it would make me paranoid that my ally has me as an option on the table. Gosh Im in a pickle

I think an alliance may be brewing! I was approached by Chris and Gwen talking about a group of five of us, but nothing is concrete yet. I hope it's true though, the five consists of myself, Gwen, Chris, Sara and AnnMarie, which are the people I personally find the most interesting so they're definitely the people I wanna see stick around. Kyle's fun too, but we've only spoken a couple times and as soon as I thought our conversation was going somewhere he left me on read, so... ya..

so, i'm a mess and forgot to do this for round one,, sorry!! but, it was actually kind of an interesting round. upon meeting my tribe, i was mainly just trying to get to know everyone and at least introduce myself, which was honestly kind of overwhelming especially never having met these people LOL. but all in all, i think it went well. i at least made a bit of conversation with everyone on my tribe which was super good i think. i think the first talk of strategy came from zach, who wanted to make an alliance with like everyone but cheatham, dylan, and will which was kind of messy. i made the mistake of mentioning cheatham's name as the vote in that chat before i realized that no one else in there was loyal to that alliance LOL and actually wanted to vote zach out for being messy. as far as i know, cheatham doesn't know that i said that so hopefully he never gets around to hearing it??? but anyways, after that mess, i was added to another alliance called the sane ones, with noah, tawni, cheatham, and dylan. i actually really love this alliance and im super thankful to be a part of it. we all discussed voting zach and sure enough that's what happened. so last round was pretty straightforward with a unanimous vote against zach. however, in my new alliance, i have been informed of austin making an alliance with the same people in my alliance minus me LOL. so now i have to watch out for austin who is probably coming after me since he isn't including me in my alliance. but i feel pretty decent right now, i really do feel like that alliance has my back and im working on building individual relationships as well. i feel closest with tawni i think since we are currently bonding over our distrust of noah since he's kind of fawning over the fact that we are women?? like what?? LOOL please i don't want to deal with straight men this game honestly. but anyways yeah i'm kind of hoping we don't have to do tribal again so soon because it was pretty stressful, especially now that i know some people aren't including me in things.

Going into the first immunity challenge, I was confident that my tribe could pull thru because for the most part we were all very active. In the time of the challenge I have made great connections with everyone in the tribe and I feel like I have info coming from everyone. I was able to make Gwen Sara Chris Kyle and Annmarie all feel like I was there number 1 and truly idk who is my number 1. I do enjoy Gwen Chris and Sara. As of now they are my final 4 and we have our alliance the Corgis. I am ready to lose and go to tribal and see if these guys are loyal. In terms of target I don’t really have anyone because everyone seems great. Steven has been the least active so as of now I would say him. But the twist is interesting because I want the idol but I do not want to target any of the people on my list so I will play it by ear. But expect some fun and aggressive gameplay.

A lot, I'll make another one later but it's always good to form an alliance you know.

I need to stop showing more of my personality to these people because if I show my self fully it’ll give people a sense of what I am like so for now on I will tone down how I talk to people. Also if we lose I’ll make sure Vincent will be going home.

Austin told me there are 2 trios, and I'm not in either of them :(. Apparently Noah, Will, and Cheatham have a sort of pregame, and then Amy, Dylan, and Tawni have all aligned as well. If I'm going to be honest, I may have made a bit of a hasty decision when I said I wanted to side with ADT over NWC. I wanted to vote Will out for a while, and hopefully I'll get my chance to soon. But winning the challenge would also be a favourable outcome!

Ok so chess. That entire situation was stupid. First off. My dumb ass tribe apparently doesn’t know how to play chess. So the resident stoner had to volunteer aka ME! So at the challenge we, Tim and I, get propositioned with potentially getting an individual advantage by forfeiting while in the lead. Well not even caring about an advantage going into the challenge to begin with I was fine with losing. I would have been fine waking out completely empty handed. But tim being the angel, hoping he doesn’t make me regret calling him that, he is let me at least get the individual reward. But I’m not sure how knowing will has me on his list will help me. Considering he is on mine as well he was already a target for me. It kinda helps knowing I dont have to go after someone who isn’t on my list but I’m not sure how I can actually use this advantage ATM

Noah is still on my side apparently because he leaked Will's plan to vote me. Of course, a part of me is still worried that this is a 4D Chess play which still ends with me dying, but until that my vote will be for Will (most likely).

I HATE LOSING! we need a win but....im doing loyalties for this vote so i can build trust and have numbers on my side

Before the challenge my mind was set on Vincent going home and now it is Amy. So I was able to tell Vincent and Austin to vote her ass out and I told Noah to ask Dylan to vote her out as well and to also I got Noah to tell Dylan if Dylan can be a decoy vote for Amy so we don’t have to worry about who’s she voted for when she’s being given a decoy and the girl doesn’t even know, I’m kinda setting up Noah to look like a stronger player in Dylan’s eyes, I just hope I perceive to be a weak player as in strategic wise to the others. The Queen Stays Queen Adios Amy xx

Man petrel is on a roll. 3 straight challenges and I must say I am impressed. I am happy my team is successful but I’m kind of disappointed I wanted to go to tribal. I wanted to get this game going and see if I could make some moves. I’m confident in my Corgis alliance the the side relationship I have build with Kyle and Annemarie that I think I have a good grasp for the game. I wish we lost and I would have probably waited to see what everyone wanted to do. I’m expecting Steven to be the number 1 target in my estimation. I would like to target maybe Tim because he is a strong player and was on of my targets so I would love the chance to go into the immunity pool for that idol. But I have to be patient and passive I just really want to see where everyone loyalty lie. Should be very interesting

I don't want to lose because I actually like everyone on this tribe. But...we're all literally just sitting here singing Kumbaya around the campfire. The REAL test is going to come once the game turns dog eat dog. After this tribal, Thrush likely will be at least somewhat divided and know that those in the minority might be more likely to cross tribal lines in the instance of a swap. Petrel is loose and unpredictable! So....I'm not asking for tribal....but I'm sorta asking for tribal! It would tell a lot!

Well! I was surprised how organized we were as a group in the challenge! I definitely feel we make a great team and honestly I think for me once I feel like I am under pressure I act out and I am happy I was able to contribute

Hello! So I am waiting in the standby line at Radiator Springs right now so...45 minute wait yay! It’s a good thing we won the challenge yesterday so I can enjoy Disneyland without having to worry about tribal. What’s really interesting to me is that I see myself trying to implement David Bloomberg’s rules without even realizing it. I’m scheming and plotting, albeit trying to keep a lot of it under the radar - to at least make it appear like I’m not scheming and plotting too much. So for example, for rule clarifications for the immunity twist, I am getting those answers in my host chat rather than the tribe chat. I don’t want them to know that I am actually thinking about these things strategically. Last thing I want to do is be michaela-ed out of this game and be undateable!!! I would like for me or one of my alliance mates (preferably Chris or Rizo) to get the idol if we end up having to go to tribal council and vote people out. It isn’t so much that I want to have the immunity, but I want to know where it is. In this game, knowledge is power. Knowing who has the immunity idol is important. Ideally it’s on our side, but if we keep winning, it might not be. If the other tribe does get it, we will have to keep the majority OG Petrel and split votes. That would probably be our smartest option, assuming everyone is willing to stay Petrel-strong. That’s my plan for now. But don’t doubt that I will flip if I think it will benefit me in the game. Another thing that I did this round was discussing a little strategy with Chris, as he is my #1. I wanted to get a feel for where his head was at in case we went to tribal council. (We had this discussion on voice chat during the immunity challenge). My thinking is that I want to try to get some cards out on the table pre-losing a challenge just to not make it look like I’m just strategizing because we lost. It’s a tough balance. So what I did was I just asked Chris where his head was at in case we did lose. We both agreed that the 6 needs to stay strong (Chris, me, Rizo, Sara, AnnMarie, Liam). That leaves Kyle, Steven, and Tim. I waited until Chris threw out a name first. He said that he didn’t like how Tim reacted in the first immunity challenge when our second move didn’t count because we formatted it wrong. He said that he didn’t like that Tim was sooooo upset at the hosts. That gave me an opening to share that when I accidentally made an incorrect Harry Potter reference, Tim all of a sudden didn’t talk to me as much. I didn’t share my thoughts that I think Tim is very smart and strategic. I would be afraid of him in the merge - he comes off as someone who would be okay throwing alliance members under the bus to further his game. I mean, I am too (IN THE GAME - I LOVE MY PEOPLE AS PEOPLE OUTSIDE OF THE GAME). So if we do lose an immunity, Tim will probably be a target; however, it may be beneficial to get Kyle or Steven out since they are on my list. We will see how things go if it comes down to it. Another thing that I need to balance is my threat level in challenges. It’s tough because I want us to win, and it’s hard for me not to take control of the challenges. I’m trying to control just as much as I think I need to to win, but not adding too much extra strategically if it’s not needed. Okay, so alliances: things are about the same, but there is one new alliance - Tim’s Devils. So basically, Tim made a group chat with AnnMarie, Sara, and me with some important information. Apparently when he played Hero’s chess with Tawnie, she told him that Noah has been a little creepy (AKA Dan-like) with the girls in their tribe. Now, unfortunately this could be three different things: 1. Noah could actually be creeping and that would be gross. I’m assuming that since he wasn’t ousted from the game, that if he is being creepy, he got a warning and stopped. 2. Tawnie could be making it up. Now, I would hope that wouldn’t be the case, especially given the events of the current season with Missy and Elizabeth. I really really REALLY hope this isn’t the case. Why would she do this? Maybe she has Noah on her list for the immunity twist. If she is doing it, and it’s for that reason, that would be super messed up. 3. Tim could be making up the story that Tawnie told him. Again, I would hope this isn’t true. What would his motivation be? Maybe to keep the target off of himself in a merge or swap? All three of these scenarios are messed up. Sexual harassment is not okay, and neither is using it for gameplay! So Chris said that Corgis is the new FOUTTE (four of us to the end - a bb21 reference). I said we have to keep the name Corgis, and Fessie is not invited. I’m in for that final 4, except for Sara. I adore Sara, but in terms of the immunity twist, she is on my list along with Kyle and Steven. So I need to figure out a way to get her out ASAP, without making it obvious that I’m doing it. I haven’t mentioned this to anyone in the tribe. AnnMarie knows she’s on my list, but I’m on AnnMarie’s list. So it might be beneficial to get AnnMarie out at some point too. I don’t know who else has me on their list. Chris is my #1 for now. As much as I adore him as well, I am not afraid to throw him under the bus in the finals. Chris, if you are reading this after the game, I love you and it’s just game play! I do want to go to the end with you though!!!!! F2! Or F3 with Rizo if that’s the case. The other tribe has been going to tribal. So unless we have a tribe swap soon, they are more likely to get the idol first. So that is definitely something to keep in mind. If Noah goes home tonight, it will be in the back of my mind that Tawnie may have him on her list. And if someone from their tribe gets the immunity, then she may be a contender. Should keep things interesting! Okay, so it’s almost time for me to get on Radiator Springs - so that’s it for now!

So I find that my top 2 are Rizo and Gwen, both of whom have now told me in various ways that I'm their number 1. This should be interesting! I actually dig Rizo a lot but also I had good vibe on Gwen since seeing her intro so we are gonna have to see how this plays out!

I talked to Gwen and we both said we didnt have each other for the twist but I voiced my concern on having the name of someone I like but beung unsure if I should tell them and she felt best to not say a word so I guess Im not telling Rizo 8l

Okay FIRST OFF i don’t wanna day that i’m controlling the game. But i’m controlling the game. I’m obviously a F2 with Tawni bc we know eachother and we tell eachother everything. Noah thinks he’s my F2 but tbh i hope me and tawni can get him out soon bc he’s so PARANOID. Will thinks that we are bffs and i’m blindsiding him tonight. Dylan and Amy think i’m super close with them. And i’m also cool with vincent and Austin. Everyone keeps coming to ME with different plans and it honestly feels nice. I’m just gonna keep being nice while telling them what is going to happen. mwah X

Everything’s going good(knock on wood). We’ve won two straight immunities and the reward challenge(way to go Tim), and we’re about to have the numbers by two people. Hoping we can keep our immunity streak going. I want to get a good group going, possibly with an alliance chat. I feel pretty good with everybody. Really hoping we don’t swap anytime soon. And finally. Go Petrel.

Ok, so I'm gonna be a little mean, but I think I already know who doesn't like me. It feels like a lot of people in my tribe. Everyone is lovely, but I feel a bit disconnected from everyone, especially because of my inactivity. I'm happy though, because everyone works so well in challenges. My inactivity due to school is gonna mess up my game for sure. I'll try to be a bit more bold and there, so I'm not as forgettable as I think I am.

7 votes Will, 1 vote Amy.