#now that i am 18 i am no longer obligated to move with them wherever they go

[koishua]

my tumblrinas,,, you're my only friends 🫶🫶

[silversatoru]

hands

sukuna x f!reader

a/n: remember that thirst i posted the other night about sukunas fingernails? u bet i wrote a quick fic about it. i am not sorry

synopsis: an exploratory study on the intricacies of what sukuna could do with those goddamn hands of his 

tags/warnings: 18+, pain kink, scratching, mentions of blood, biting, bruising, hitting, blindfolding, restraints, overstimulation, monster fucking, dom sukuna, very soft aftercare sukuna (<3)

word count: 1.8k

One of Sukuna’s long, sharp nails traced down your body, from your neck to your toes and leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. He placed his talon on your neck for the second time, trailing it down your body again but pressing a little harder this time. Shivers quaked through your body as he left a puffy red line down your skin. He ran his finger over your exposed clit, a sharp bolt of pain and electricity shooting through your veins. 

Sukuna had you completely at his disposal, hands secured tightly behind your back and eyes covered by a thick blindfold. He loved to see you shiver under his touch — quake and twitch as he gave you nothing but the bare minimum. 

You felt the bed shift as he straddled himself over you and leaned down, his breath hot against your neck. His long, warm tongue left a streak of sticky saliva up your neck, and then he blew cold air on the wet skin, sending more quivers through your body. 

“Look at you baby, looking like such a pretty slut for me,” He cooed between licks, the praise coaxing a few soft moans from your lips. 

His tongue disappeared and was quickly replaced by pointed teeth and soft nibbles. Your body gushed with pleasure as you felt a second and third mouth nipping and lapping from Sukuna’s hands at your torso. His ability to duplicate his body parts wherever he wanted gave him terrible amounts of power in situations like this. 

You could barely handle the tripled stimulation, your head growing foggy with desire and your mouth filled with strangled moans. A resounding whimper leapt from your throat as the mouths got more aggressive, dotting your skin with discolored marks. They nibbled and gnawed on every inch of you, squeezing down to give the occasional bite, which sent you spiraling. The sharp pains felt indescribable, every single sting absolutely electrifying. A mixture of pain and pleasure crawled over your skin as he continued to cover your body in imperfections.

“It’s pitiful how quickly you come undone for me, princess,” The words dripped off his tongue like thick honey. 

Your clit twitched at his words, but you refused to be embarrassed or ashamed by how pitiful you looked right now — not when he was making you feel this good.

Not being able to see or resist his actions made them all the more exhilarating, your heart pounding as he sat up. Your skin felt cold and empty without his tongues keeping you warm, and goosebumps trailed up your arms as the anticipation of what he would do next grew greater. 

The mouth that belonged to his face connected with yours, and one of his hands clasped over your cunt — a mouth for each pair of lips. Quivering whimpers and raspy whines spilled from your throat into his, the tongue from his hand working fervently on your aching entrance. The pleasure was almost intolerable as the second mouth engulfed your cunt, it’s tongue swirling small circles around the swollen nub. Your body began to tremble underneath him, your toes curling and legs shaking. 

Two extra arms boiled their way out of sukuna’s body, each lurching foward and grasping a handful of your breasts. He kneaded and massaged them in the roughest way, his nails leaving small scratches as he worked. Two of his fingers grasped each of your nipples, twisting and rubbing them with incredible force — your body twitching and teeth clenching together. Between the rough kisses, nipple simulation, and hot tongue that was eating away at your cunt, you thought you just might combust. Your body was incredibly overstimulated, trembles rolling under your skin over and over.

Eventually his tongue slowed, leaving lazy licks up and down your cunt now. The antagonizingly slow pace made your skin crawl, frustration building inside of you. Your hips rolled out of desperation, you needed more of him so badly — but this just earned a rough a slap to the side of your torso. His motion left a large, red hand mark in its place, your skin aching and tingling as your eyes rolled back into your head from complete bliss.

Sukuna sucked in a sharp breath, it was impossible to punish you like this, ecstasy surging through you every time he inflicted pain on your body. But it was also what made you so perfect for each other, your ability to handle whatever he wished to do to you. Regardless, he’d need to find other means of punishment, like restricting you until the last second — not letting your pretty little cunt come until you completely deserved it.

His second mouth shot its tongue deep inside your entrance, curling and lapping at your hot cavern. A warm feeling began to boil in your stomach, your climax inching closer and closer from the wonderful feeling. Throaty groans ripped through your teeth, your back arching and legs growing stiff as you trembled right on the cusp. Just as you thought you might fall over the edge, the hand disconnected from your aching clit — strings of curse words and echoes of Sukuna’s name flying from your lips. 

“Not yet, baby,” he purred, “You know it’s not that easy. You need to make me feel good before you get to come”. 

You gave him a desperate nod, the need for his cock growing increasingly more intense as he left you laying untouched. You whispered a strangled combination of “yes”, “please”, and various curse words, bucking your hips forward. 

“Look at you, so fucking eager for me,” His voice was almost a snarl now, “Open those pretty legs”. 

You wordlessly obliged, pulling your legs wider and stretching yourself for the ravenous curse. A deep, throaty groan rippled out of his mouth at the pretty sight of you, his own needs growing stronger than his desire to keep you waiting. 

He wrapped his thick fingers around his now exposed shaft, giving it a few lazy pumps as he stared down at your quivering body — your hands still pulling on your knees and stretching yourself open in the most beautiful way. He was aching to stuff himself inside of you, to fill you up and feel you squirm under his grasp. After a few more strokes up his girthy length he positioned himself in front of you, pressing his swollen tip into your clit. Your body jerked and twitched from the feeling, an evil smile stretching across his face at the sight. 

“Maybe I should make you wait a little longer,” He teased, moving his inflamed head up and down the entrance to your cunt. 

A small “no” was all you could manage, your lips trembling as you spoke — but it was perfect. Your fragile state and utter helplessness was exactly the motivation he needed to thrust himself into you without warning. A suffocated scream lurched from your throat, a horrible pain filling your stomach as you struggled to adjust to his monsterous size. 

He grasped your waist with an incredible force, his talons sinking into your skin and drawing blood. The small crescent-shaped cuts from his nails felt like tiny flames igniting on your skin, sending endorphins bursting through your brain. Between the pleasure derived from that pain and your body becoming accustomed to his member you were caught up in absolute bliss — your head spinning and your vision growing cloudy.

Sukuna let out a raspy, feral growl, his pace almost too much for you to handle. “You take me so well, pretty girl,” He mumbled, scratching one of his hands down the front of your chest.

His nails left more red lines down your fragile skin, small droplets of blood leaking down your torso. The continued overstimulation of burning pain and forceful pleasure was enough to brim your eyes with tears, choked sobs beginning to force their way out of your throat. His two extra hands were still working on your breasts too, the lumps aching and smeared with blood from the small wounds he continued to inflict.

His occasional praises were the only thing that kept you sane, your heart doing small backflips every time he used such endearing names for you. The scale between calling you princess and then lacerating your skin and railing you into oblivion somehow balanced itself perfectly in your mind. 

A tight, warm knot began to churn itself in your core, and you began to move in sync with Sukuna’s body. You were so desperate to reach your climax and coat his member in your fluids — you’d been deprived of this for much too long now. 

You were incredibly lucky that Sukuna pitied you as much as he did, because the curse didn’t really have a breaking point. Honestly, he’d fuck you straight through the night if you’d let him, but he tries to limit himself to accommodate to your poor, human body. 

He can tell you’re close now, whispering encouragement and coaxing sweet moans to fall from your lips. When he finally tells you to come, giving you the permission you so frantically needed, you let yourself completely unravel. You melted into a mess of whimpers, moans, and trembles — waves of euphoria surging through your body. Your tight walls became impossibly tighter, squeezing his aching cock and pushing him to his climax just a few moments after yours. He thrusted hard into your shuddering legs, pumping you full of his liquids and snarling strings of curses and praises into your ear. 

The two of you collapsed into a messy heap of contentment, your skin tainted with mixtures of blood, sweat, and semen. After a few minutes to compose himself, Sukuna scooped you into his arms and carried you to the bathroom. He was so incredibly gentle with his aftercare, but you never pointed it out because he got terribly insecure when you did. He hated admitting that he felt more than just lust for such a worthless human like yourself.

“You did so good, princess,” He cooed, holding you tight to his chest.

He untied your arms and removed the blindfold from your face, placing a soft kiss to your forehead. He sat you down in the bathtub and turned on the warm water, using a soft washcloth to gently scrub the various liquids from your skin. Once you were clean and dry he even rubbed some ointment over each of your cuts, not wanting them to get inflamed or infected. 

After making up for the damage he did to your frail body, he effortlessly lifted you back up and carried you back to bed. The two of you laid in silence while he played with your hair, softly scratching and massaging your scalp with the same nails that had done such serious damage earlier. They were much more soothing now, the soft sensation helping you to drift closer to sleep while you laid curled in his arms.

[thediamondgirl17]

Alpha! Goshiki x Omega! Reader: That Day In The Gym (NSFW) Part 5

I know, I know. I haven’t written another part to this in a long while. But I have another part for you right here! I guess I kept putting it off because its 18+ and I’m not the best at writing this kinda stuff...But we are gonna see how it goes! As always I hope you enjoy, and if you want another part, or you have a request, feel free to ask! 

Warnings: Rated R, 18+

    Your cheeks were red and you felt like every breath to enter your lungs was weighing you down. That feeling stirring inside your stomach at the moment was not all puppy love and innocence now. You were in the arms of an Alpha who treated you so right and smelled like warm lavender, while also standing in his room filled with his scent, and had just stopped quiet the make out session. No wonder you had been hurled into your heat without warning. Your burning forehead rested against his chest for a moment and your chest heaved up and down. 

    “Wh-what?” The purple haired boy asked. However, he really didn’t need to ask at all. He could smell it, clear as day. He convinced himself that the question was for your own comfort and not his, he was lying. “D-do you...want to leave?” He asked with his grip on your hips tightening ever so slightly. He didn’t want you to leave, especially like this, and all the other Alpha’s on campus. It already made his blood boil with just the thought. But then again, if you stayed here it was fairly obvious of what was about to happen. 

    “Y-yes...,” You whispered. And that had set the spiker’s inner Alpha ablaze. His own pupils dilated and he leaned down getting so close to your face that your noses brushed up against one another’s. 

    “You’re sure?” He questioned with his breath brushing against your lips. Just from the tone of his voice anyone would be able to tell that he was hanging on your next words. Either the ones that would have him push you out of his dorm to control himself, or the ones that would allow him to ravish you and cure the aching that resided between your legs. 

    “...Yes. I-I am..,” You said softly. And with that his lips smashed against yours in a way that they never had before. Before the two of you would share sweet innocent and loving kisses. Ones so sweet that they would rot the teeth of those around you, metaphorically of course. But now, it was completely different. His hands gripped harshly on your waist to the point where you felt the skin under his fingertips start to bruise. You knew he wasn’t trying to be rough with you, if anything he was holding himself back from doing just that. So you had forgiven him mentally for the bruises, hickies, and whatever else he wanted to leave you with that night. 

    Your lips were moving together in a messy but fluid motion. The heat of lust taking over the both of you as you allowed your instincts to go on from this point. His hands on your hips, lips crashing together, tongues dancing in sync with one another. It was as if, even with the close proximity, the two of you weren’t able to get enough of each other. 

    The only time you were really brought back to the reality of this whole situation was when you were shoved down onto the bed under you. Your back bounced a bit off the springy mattress and you found yourself surrounded, and drowning, in the scent of warm lavender. You reached up to the purple haired Alpha as he climbed above you, and wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him down for another ferocious kiss. 

    It wasn’t exactly a secret that the both of you were...well...the best way to describe it is ‘hot and horny.’ But the moment you had actually realized what was about to happen, was when you felt right what was in his pants brush against your leg as you kissed. Your cheeks heated up. Two parts of your mind were very active at this time. One part of you was dyeing to get undressed and start this whole process to sooth your aching desires. Yet the other part of you realized that you had never actually done this before and nervousness was setting in. However the other side of you was much more powerful. It made sense though, during your heat your true omega did fully come out. 

    Goshiki’s hands slid up under your shirt and pushed up the fabric with his wrists as he let his hands explore your body. HIs own cheeks were flushed a fiery red, but his pupils were blown out as every single inch of his being was taking in every single inch of your own being. His hands groped at your breasts that hid behind your bra. You whimpered and looked off to the side. Normally your breasts weren’t this sensitive, but then again...you were in heat. You sat up a bit and slipped off your shirt for him and he did the same. This gave your eyes plenty of time to gaze over his well built body. His muscles were there, very evident, yet subtle. 

    As you were looking him over his lips connected with your neck and he started to nip, kiss, lick, and suck wherever he was able to. He nuzzled his face against your scent glands, and that drove you crazy. His soft breath and sweet hungry kisses peppered all around the area, and it made your back arch ever so slightly off of the bed below you. You couldn’t see him, but you knew just from the way he kissed you that he had a grin plastered across his lips. That little fact made you feel a bit more comfortable. 

    His fingers looped under the rim of your school skirt and he tugged them down and off your body, leaving you in only your undergarments. Which by the way did not match. But it wasn’t like at this point the either of you cared. The only thing on your mind was the Alpha climbing between your legs. And the only thing he was thinking about were the soaked panties that blocked his view and touch to your entrance. 

    “...I’m gonna ask one more time.” He said, almost like a growl. His nose brushed against your clothes clit and it made you gasp for air. “Are you okay with this-?” 

    “Yes! Yes!” You yelped and grabbed the bedsheets under you. “Yes! Please Tomu! Please!” You cried. You had silently swore to yourself that if this had lasted any longer then you would go clinically insane from him not touching you in the areas that you needed it. 

    “Alright.” He said softly. And though he sounded confident a million things ran through his overactive mind. Goshiki was the kind of Alpha who wanted everything to be perfect. His spikes, blocks, serves, everything was practiced to perfection. This was the one thing that he had never practiced, and all he knew was that he wanted to master it. And fast. 

    He hooked his hands around the band of your panties and pulled down the half soaked cloth. He tossed it aside and let his eyes gaze over what was in front of him. His staring made you so embarrassed, yet needy. You reached your hand down and whined softly as your fingers ran through his hair. You gulped and watched him lick his lips. 

    Within seconds of that whine, his mouth pressed against your lips in a sloppy way. You gasped and felt your eyes roll back as his tongue found that sweet little nub that he searched for. He hummed onto you and gripped your plush thighs beside his face and pulled you closer to him. He was acting as if you were the best tasting thing in the world, and to him you were. He harshly suckled around the spots that you would squeal and whine and moan or thrash. He made sure to drag out the feeling nice and long. 

    Your body felt white hot and you needed him to let you cum, and you needed it now. You gently bucked your hips against his lips and he happily obliged by licking and sucking harsher on your sensitive little bud. Almost in an instant you felt a ripple of burning hot pleasure originating from your core rip up through your spine. Your back arched off the bed a bit and you let out a pornographic moan as your orgasm tore through you. The purple haired Alpha released his mouth from you and licked his lips as he looked down at your twitching figure, still calming down. 

    “I can’t wait anymore.” He said quietly. You heard the buckle of his belt being undone and your cheeks heated up, even in your post orgasmic state. You gulped as you watched him pull off his pants and shake them off his legs. And next came his boxers. Your eyes widened a bit. For a man of his size, he was blessed pretty well. Just from looking at him you estimated at least 7 inches. You gulped and looked up at him. He himself was just leaning over you and lining himself up. “I would have prepped you better...But I think I’m gonna explode.” He whispered into your ear. 

    “W-wait!” You cried. And he looked down at you. It had taken everything in him to stop what he was doing. He looked worried that he had done something wrong. “C-condom...,” You mumbled and looked off the the side. The purple haired boy blinked and his cheeks heated up. 

    “Y-you’re right. I got ahead of myself little Omega.” He said and moved the to side to grab a condom from his drawer. “Good girl for reminding me.” He slid it onto himself and shuddered at the feeling of himself practically fisting his own cock. You however had cheeks extremely red from the praise and how he said it. 

    Then you were back in the same position as you were before. You grasped onto his shoulder and he leaned down so that his face was right by your ear. And soon you felt his foreign tip gently press against your entrance. You gasped and held him tightly. And he began to whisper sweet nothings to you as he slowly pushed himself in. 

    “Your such a good little Omega...Your doing so well...I’m gonna make you feel so good.” He whispered and nipped at your ear. The new stretch was...interesting to say the least. It was painful because you weren’t used to something so big, and yet it felt so good when his length dragged along the inside of your walls. You grabbed at his shoulders more, gently scratching them and leaving a few marks. You panted and whined at the feeling. And when he finally bottomed out you let your body relax a little bit. “I’m going to start moving...Hold still little one...,” He whispered. 

    The pace he set was unforgiving. Almost immediately he grabbed your hips with an iron clad grip and pounded his hips against yours. The both of you were in fucked out heaven. Groans and grunts leaving his lips, and loud squealing moans leaving your own. It was so amazing how almost after a few thrusts he had found just the right position inside you to make you cry out louder and scratch harsher at his back. 

    “H-harder...F-faster...P-please!” You cried. All your demands were met by the Alpha as he groaned. The pleasure shooting through you with each thrust was almost unimaginable. It was heaven, and your Alpha was your angel. Your nails dug deeper into his shoulders and you cried out softly. Every little grunt and moan bounced off the walls and echoed back into both of your heads. Soon enough you had felt yourself tighten around him, either it was that or he himself had gotten bigger, and you whined and whimpered against him. 

    “G-go ahead little Omega.” He mumbled. “I know you want to.” His voice at this point was raspy and breathy. It rumbled through your core just enough to mix with the feeling shooting up from your core and you felt yourself cumming. The poor Alpha himself couldn’t exactly handle the feeling and hit his climax as well. 

    There was a few moments of silence and heavy breathing between the two of you. The room was warm and smelled like a nice mixture of both of your scents. He collapsed down beside you and pulled you close to him, not like you could really move away from the position you were in. Both your lustful eyes calmed down a bit and you panted. 

    “Th-this won’t exactly be a one and done thing...,” You panted in a voice barely above a whisper. 

    “Don’t worry...I’ll take care of you.” He said with his voice low. He smiled softly and pushed some hair behind your ear. “Because your mine.” He added. 

    That made your heart swell and your cheeks heat up. You pressed your chest against his and leaned up to give him a sweet loving kiss. Almost payment for what he was going to be doing to you for the rest of the week. 

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[christfocused]

How Much are You Required to Love?

At the start of 2021, we began a study on How to Survive in a Post-Christian World.  The influence of Christianity, especially in the western world, is on the decline.

With this decline comes a change in how people respond to Christians. More and more we will find ourselves out of sorts with our community, even with people we know well and love.

We will begin to experience persecution. For that reason, I am preparing my church to handle the coming persecution.

Over the past three messages, we have studied how we should respond to our leaders, especially the government. Today we will begin to look at our responsibility to our community or to our neighbors.

Today you will learn that no matter how people in your community might behave or think you must love them.

And at the end of this message, I will share with you a piece of Scripture that I have intentionally held back these past three weeks.

Let’s pray.

Open your Bibles to Romans 13.

We will read verses 8-10.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”[a] and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Before we get into the Scripture I want you to make a list either in your mind or on paper of the people you meet and interact with every day.

If you are married with kids, then your spouse and kids would be on the top of the list. If you work, then your coworkers would be on the list. There are others in the community, maybe a business you frequent, or a school you attend. These are the names on your list.

Paul in the first 7 verses of Romans 13 taught us our responsibility to our government officials. Now he pulls the lesson back closer to home. He will now teach us what our responsibility is to those we see almost every day – your spouse, your kids, your parents, your co-workers, your neighbors.

  The first few words of the passage – “Let no debt remain outstanding...” is not a lesson on credit. Rather, Paul is using financial debts to make a point about our obligations to one another.

He is saying that there is no maximum limit on the amount of love we are to give to someone else. Love is a permanent obligation that we must have for those close to us.

How much are we supposed to love our wives, husbands, or kids? How much are we supposed to love our family? There is no amount that is too much. Whatever the amount that you give in love to those close to you it is not enough.

And that includes unbelievers. And that includes people who are very different from you.

Before we get into the heart of this passage look at the end of verse nine. Paul sums all of the above by using Jesus’ teaching “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

When you love your neighbor you are loving those you interact with every day. The Bible is telling you to love real people.

Paul is referencing the Law and Jesus’ teaching. Let’s look first at Matthew 22:37-40.

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

There is much we can say about this passage but let’s just keep the discussion centered around the reason we came here. Jesus teaches that the second greatest commandment is “Love your neighbor as yourself.”

Let’s start inward and move out with these questions.

How do you love yourself? What are some ways you love yourself?

What are ways that you show love to those close to you? Spouse, kids, parents...

How do you express love to your co-workers or to your neighbor?

How do you love those in the community – cashier, a trade you hire,

Finally, how do you show the love of God to those who are opposed to you?

The scripture that both Paul and Jesus are using comes from the Law and is based on the 10 Commandments. Turn to Exodus 20.

The 10 Commandments can be divided into two sections. Verses 3-7 are the commands that are between us and God. And verses 8-17 are the commands between us and our fellow humans.

Let’s read these verses – 8-17.

8 “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. 

 9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work, 10 but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. 11 For in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.

 12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.

13 “You shall not murder.

14 “You shall not commit adultery.

15 “You shall not steal.

16 “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.

17 “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor’s.”

So it starts with honoring the Sabbath. Then honoring your parents. After that, it covers murder, adultery, theft, lying, and coveting.

Now turn back to Romans 13 and let’s look at verses 8-10.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

At first glance it appears that Paul had omitted some of the commandments. But he covers them with verse 9 where he writes “and whatever other command there may be...”

These 10 Commandments are summed up in the idea of love. By choosing not to commit adultery, murder, theft, lying, and others, we are choosing to love our neighbors.

Remember this series in How to Survive in a Post-Christian World. This post-Christian world will turn against us. We will find ourselves at odds with many who live in our neighborhood. Even those close to us may no longer share our values. We will feel the sting of persecution.

But God commands us to love them. He tells us that we owe them more love than we currently give.

One other thing. Our neighbors are not commanded to love us back. The commands given in Romans 13 are to us. It is our responsibility to love regardless of whether they love us or not.

When we turned to Romans 13 a few weeks back I intentionally skipped and important passage. It is the key passage on which Romans 13 is constructed. All of our talk about obeying our leaders and today’s words on loving our neighbors is built upon it.

Now is the time to look at these important words. Look at Romans 12 starting at verse 9.

We will read these verses without comment.

Let’s pray over the passage before we read it.

Heavenly Father, we ask that God the Holy Spirit use this passage to teach us an important lesson. We ask for insight and clarity as we read it. Amen.

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given[d] to hospitality.

14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have[e] regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 20 Therefore

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

So how do we do what God has called us to do in Romans 12:9-21?

We obey the leaders God has placed over us. And we love our neighbors. And wherever we have been wronged, however, we have been abused, God will take care of it. He will be our avenger.

Let’s pray.

Check out this episode!

[stevedonnellyfaith-blog]

The Case of the Missing Spoons (Post 107) 9-23-15

                        Our move into 1175 Delaware Trail continues to be a work in progress. Natalie is well along in her efforts to reassemble her Barbie megalopolis in the upstairs flat that is now her own, while the rest of us are lagging behind slightly.  About two thirds of the boxes are emptied; a large number of plastic totes have also been triaged and transported directly into basement storage.  The garage still looks pretty full but about half of the cardboard inventory is dedicated to Abby’s stuff for which I have no authorization to open, look at or breath on, an order that suits my laziness, but will become problematic as we are probably within a six week range of some snowfall.

I have progressed through the boxes clearly marked for kitchen, bedroom and bathroom contents and am now wedeling through cartons with seven and eight line-item markings for a goulash of miscellanea, none of which will be immediately useful.  I intend to open them all in succession until I discover what has happened to the kitchen serving spoons.  The empty spot in my kitchen silverware holder is quite vexing.

It is not like this is the first time I have lost something; my academy ring went missing on one of our house moves about a decade or so ago and I have come to terms with that gaping hole in my life.  I actually probably have only worn the door knocker-sized piece of jewelry about twenty times since I purchased it in 1987 as it was a big bulky chunk of gold that was really only useful for thwacking Stephen and Abby on the head when they were younger and I knew less about the dangers of post-concussion syndrome.

I would have liked to have found all the spices and dry goods also neatly packed among the kitchen sundries, but I seriously suspect that Nick chucked all of that stuff even though there is no real expiration date on paprika and pumpkin spice.  When I began my drive towards the Nevada line with Stephen riding a sleepy shot-gun, I was pretty sure that I would never see my favored shaker bottles of rosemary and thyme ever again, so if I end up coming across some McCormick products or one of Pam’s missing cookie sheets as I rifle more boxes, it will be an unexpected pleasure.  I mostly just want to find the serving spoons, though.

For the time being the hunt for the spoons is paramount in my very simple existence.  On a happy note I did notice that for one incredible 48 hour period the wood block holder by the sink did possess all six steak knives. One went missing within two weeks of my having bought the set two years ago.  When I was doing the dishes last night, I did discover that the rack was down to five again with none in the sink or dishwasher.  It would be interesting to know exactly whether the long lost sheep had strayed again or whether a new brother or sister knife now had gone on vacation to one of the kid’s rooms or into a hidey hole populated by Lilliputians or Borrowers.  At least I know the knife made it to Ohio; about the serving spoons I am not so sure.

That is how life at home has been.  We don’t have the internet or television yet although my email in box is deluged with special offer solicitations from all sorts or media companies and home security services.  If Dish TV accepted double-coupons, they would potentially owe me a monthly stipend for at least a little while. My electronic deficit is a deep chasm. On Sunday, for instance, I must have dropped into one of those time slidey hole thingees and slid back a couple of decades. I actually listened to an unlikely Browns win on the radio Sunday, while I hedged on observing Sabbath rest by folding laundry.  I live in the world, but my current corner is bereft of the loud klaxon of cable news, reality television and whatever is popular on HBO this season.  I even usually commute to and from work in thankful silence, because Natalie demands a saccharine pop repertoire as accompaniment whenever we drive together.

Today, though, I turned on EWTN radio as my little Aveo scooted up the last ten miles of Route 14 into Streetsboro.  I actually expected to hear the voice of Al Kresta, but it was Barbara McWiggin’s show instead.  I usually flick the radio back off when I hear her voice, because she is always pleasantly happier than I usually find tolerable – not an indictment of her but more of an indicator that my soul is far from ready for eternal bliss.  I expect that the majority of angels and saints that I will encounter, if I make it to heaven, will not have somber or sardonic dispositions.  Anyway I decided to listen to Barbara’s show because the alternative was silence or the pop channels that Natalie has programmed into all my buttons but one.  I had already completed a Divine Mercy Chaplet on my Mike Wiley rosary beads and was thoroughly sick of mentally chomping through my workday like it was a cow’s cud.  Bubbly earnest people seemed to be the best of the choices.

She is a good woman despite her cheery disposition and her show was about the undercover tapes at Planned Parenthood, a subject that I have mostly ignored.  I made up my mind about that organization long ago and recheck the facts only occasionally to confirm that PP is a totally corrupt and highly sinister outfit that continues to bamboozle nearly half of voting-age Americans. “We do mostly mammograms,” is the transparent fabrication that they offer to a bovinely credulous crowd who have never heard of Abby Johnson or care to understand her story.  Their deceitful spin is routinely accepted because to question the veracity of our nation’s largest abortion provider is to open a horrifying Pandora’s Box of cynicism and evil that most certainly doesn’t provide carefully matched selections of modern music.

Ugly truth is a challenge for my generation.  Growing up, none of us liked looking at the black and white images of heaps of emaciated bodies from the Holocaust.  We still learned unrevisionist history then, but nobody liked facing that type of reality. We all saw the disturbing pictures in school; the ugliness was before our eyes. Today, facing the cruelty and sheer evil of a century of attempted secular eugenic extermination of whole portions of humankind is no longer common to our culture.  Whether the perpetrators of the grandiose atrocities were named Hitler, the Imperial Japanese forces, Stalin, Mao, Castro, Pot, Manson, Milosevic or Muyagishari, we generally avert our eyes and replace the image with a Kardashian exploit.  The twentieth century was a bloody time and it takes an act of will to watch Schindler’s List, The Killing Fields or Hotel Rawanda.  The abortion mills of today are the historical progeny of the slave markets of the 18 hundreds and the death camps of the last century.

Once I get the internet again, I have resolved to review the PP tapes.  Barbara convinced me that there is more to them than I originally expected.  The truth will probably turn my stomach, but it is an unpleasantness that I believe that I am obligated to investigate because I can’t abide bullies and am committed to confronting evil wherever I find it.  As a Catholic, I condemn no one, not Che, not Bin Laden nor even Judas. Jesus’ sacrifice for their salvation is infinitely more than sufficient to wipe away even their heinous sins if they only ask for His mercy.  Neither do I condemn the deluded men and women who lie about abortion and facilitate the continued victimization of young women and their babies, but that does not mean that I accept the evil that is being done.  I encourage all of you to watch the videos even if you are already Pro-Life.  Evil is not rejected and refuted based on rhetoric and hearsay.  Evidence is available.

[misscasper3]

50 Questions To Ask A Girl If You Want To Know Who She Really Is

Found this article online awhile back and finally feel like answering the questions

1. What’s one thing that’s happened to you that has made you a stronger person? Leaving an abusive 6 year ‘relationship’

2. What’s one thing that’s happened to you in your life that made you feel weak? When I was 12 I was kicked out of my parents house which I believe is the start to my fucked up need to be loved and needed by someone else.

3. Where is one place you feel most like yourself? My apartment

4. Where is your favorite place to escape to? The woods or under 5 layers of blankets in my bed

5. Who do you think has had the largest influence on the person you are today? My dad ❤

6. If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be? To be able to shut my brain off and cool down. I overthink every detail that someone says or does and I think I create issues that weren’t there. Also Id get a nose job if I could lol

7. If you had one day left to live, what would you do first? Any thought that I kept to myself, I would say it to the people it was meant for and then walk away before the person could respond back. Then, after everyone hates me lol, I would hop on the next flight to Los Angeles, go to the beach, and sit in the ocean until the end of my last day.

8. What decade do you feel you most belong in? I dont see what’s wrong with living in the time I am now??

9. Who are you closest to in your family? Why? Probably my Dad. I lived with him for a long time and he was there for me for every milestone I reached. He always took my side when things went wrong, and always was there for ANYTHING I needed, without question.

10. Who is the one person in this world that knows you best? I couldn’t answer thar exactly. Certain people know certain things about me.>

11. What is your favorite quality about your best friend? She’s there to listen when I need to rant. Even when I’m being stupid.

12. When you were younger what did you think you were going to be when you grew up? A singer for awhile. Then I wanted to be an interior decorator, but I dont think I really understood what the job really was. I just liked rearranging my room all the time.

13. If you could identify with one fictional character (from a book, show, or movie) who would it be? This question requires way too much thought. I have no clue.

14. Do you easily accept compliments? Or do you hate compliments? I dont see what’s wrong with compliments, I just don’t know how to respond sometimes so my words may come out weird.

15. Is your favorite attribute about yourself physical or non-physical? Non

16. What is your favorite physical attribute about yourself? I like my skinny waist and wider hips. *I would have said hair color, but I wasn’t exactly born with purple hair so I dont think that counts*

17. What is your favorite non-physical attribute about yourself? I am understanding. I try to look at the whole picture instead of the current situation.

18. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. You cant love someone truly until you know them inside and out.

19. Do you believe in soul mates? I dunno. I believe some people definitely are meant to be in someones lives for a purpose, whether to teach a lesson and go or to participate and stay.

20. How seriously do you take horoscopes? I dont want to believe that the time and place I was born is supposed to judge my personality/fate.

21. Have you ever been in love? How many times? I have been in love. Twice. The first time I dont think could really count though since it ended up being a Catfish story. Does it count? If it doesnt,then once.

22. What makes you fall in love with someone? when they can make me laugh and forget about my bad day(s). Also if they aren’t judgmental of my actions and they try to understand why I do the things I do. Really like when people aren’t judges of my every move.

23. What does vulnerability mean to you? What has the ability to make you vulnerable? Ugh.. Vulnerable to me means, helpless. Needy. Small. A diary that was opened without permission. Bringing up hurtful times makes me vulnerable. Bringing up stupid things I’ve done, or times I’ve fucked up makes me vulnerable. The people who are the closest to me, who know a lot about my past are the ones that are able to break me down in that way.

24. What’s one thing you’re scared to ask a man, but really want to? why is it such a big deal for you guys to “be the man” in situations. Why do you feel that you have to prove your manliness?

25. If you were a man for a day, what would be the first thing you do? Shave my head with clippers. Its socially acceptable for guys to be bald haha

26. What do you find most attractive about each sex? I really like how guys are just bigger than females. Like big bears standing next to a tiny bunny. The size difference I think. I think its weird if a guy is the same size as me. Girls are obviously more sensitive and emotional, so. I guess I’ll pick that as my answer.

27. What’s one thing you’d love to learn more about? How the brain works basically. Like what makes people do or feel things. The science side behind depression or happy feelings.

28. What is something you’ve never done that you’ve always wanted to do? Travel out of country. Be brave enough to go on a trip alone. Zip line.

29. Why haven’t you done it yet? Mostly money. But I am just nervous for some reason. I think I just dont trust myself to make certain decisions by myself because a lot of times when you go somewhere new, you obviously dont know the area so you’re kind of guessing on where to go, what to do.

30. If money didn’t matter, what would your dream job be? Doing behind the scenes runway hair/makeup, photoshoots. Movies.

31. If you had off from work today, what would you do? I would go to the beach.

32. What was the last thing that made you cry? A fight between my boyfriend and I.

33. What was the last thing that made you laugh? I dont remember exactly.

34. What is your favorite memory? My dad making a speech at my graduation party about how proud he was of me and then he started tearing up

35. What’s the last thing that REALLY embarrassed you? I can’t think of anything that I really cared enough about to make me feel embarrassed.

36. What is your biggest fear? Being a loser in life. Giving up on goals because of my internal battles with myself. Being alone in life overall. I enjoy my alone hours, but I’m talking about fearing being alone IN GENERAL.

37. Do you have any regrets? What’s your biggest one? When I was about 13, 14ish I let my boyfriend at the time tell me I can’t be friends with a certain person. He made me cut off ties in order to stay in a relationship with him.. I regret so much that happened on that day. What I said to that person was hurtful…It hurt me to say those words and I know it hurt that person too. I was literally crying as i was telling this person to leave me alone because I didnt want to say goodbye yet I felt obligated to listen to my then boyfriend for some reason. I caused so much pain to that person that effected things down the road and I can never take it back… And I regret not answering him back when he texted me on holidays. I regret not taking his number when my mom offered it to me. I regret so many things that happened to that person because of me.

38. Have you ever broken a law? If you haven’t what is one law you’d love to break? I mean I’ve got two speeding tickets. I’ve gone in “private property” places just out of curiosity.

39. What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? I’m not a risk taker.

40. Would you have a conversation with a stranger? I do everyday at work.

41. Would you tell a stranger they have toilet paper hanging from their shoe? Or their dress tucked into their underwear? (Or anything else that is embarrassing to be seen in public)? Yes definitely. If that happened to me, I’d want someone to tell me.

42. What’s your favorite joke? Dunno

43. Are you a dog person or a cat person? I love both but lean towards cats.

44. If you could be any animal, what animal would you be? A bird so I can fly wherever I want.

45. What’s one show, movie, or book, you’re embarrassed to admit you enjoy? I used to like Bates Motel.

46. How do you think your parents would describe you as a child? Girly girl. Picky. Hard working (Mom just told me last week).

47. If you could go back to any age or time of your life, what age or time would it be? I was just thinking this in the car. Usually when people wanna go back, they say a happy time. I 100% cannot think of a time that I was so so happy and stayed happy longer than one or two days. Even if I was enjoying myself that day, there was ALWAYS something inside at the end of the day that just ate away at my soul hiding behind the ‘happy moment’.. This thought seriously depresses me.

48. What’s something you believe in that not everyone else does? I believe that when you are with someone, you are not 100% committed if you are okay with looking at other girls/guys and seeing them in a sexual way. Other people say “as long as they dont touch, its ok” or “nothing is wrong with just looking” but I believe it is fucking wrong on so many levels because that is showing desire for someone else other than the significant other. Call me prude or whatever the fuck you want.

9. What’s one thing you would say that makes you unique from other people? My brother told me that I am ALWAYS somehow able to pull myself out of every fucked up situation I’ve been in. Idk, does that really count as unique..? I guess something else would be that I literally put my entire soul into someone when I am in a relationship. I would do anything for that person. Is that unique?

50. What is one thing you feel your life is missing?  I feel like I’ve lost my passion for almost everything. I used to be so sure of myself and proud of what I wanted to do with my life and now its all a big question mark. My life is missing set goals and passion for doing something with it.

[pervyyzimniysoldat]

@vdoviism there u go, have some pain <3

[06.04.2017 11:03:12] Hannah: "Look, I know what you're trying to do... I get it." He sighed, turning back from the window and giving up on the pretty amazing view of the Wakandan jungle. "But I stayed low and away for a reason, okay? Not just because Hydra and our fan-fucking-tastic government were trying to get their hands on me... Stark's parents were part of it too. I mean... I followed you for a bit after... I wasn't sure who I was yet at this point but after Smithsonian's I got a bit of an idea... And leaving was the best option. You had your life all sorted out, your team and your girl... I've done enough wrong for a few lifetimes already, I didn't want to fuck up your life even more." He explained, looking at Steve finally. "And as we've seen now... I'm still bloody dangerous. I think it would still be best for everyone if I disappeared."

[06.04.2017 11:19:18] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: For a long moment, Steve was too stunned to react, his mind racing to sort through all the things Bucky had just said and all the implications of it. Bucky had been there, for a time, after he had dragged Steve out of the Potomac? While he had been searching for him? God, he'd had no idea. Neither Natasha, he was certain, or she would have told him. And - yeah, there it was. Bucky knew. But it wasn't that which stuck with Steve most. "Really?" He swallowed, trying to keep the desperate anger, the hurt down that surged in his chest. "There's no putting this back in a box, Bucky. What, you thought we were searching for you out of some feeling of obligation? Because you used to be someone we loved once upon a time? You really think we'd feel better now if we never saw you again?"

[06.04.2017 11:26:59] Hannah: "Yeah." He stated simply, his shoulders giving a small, involuntary shrug. "Maybe not feel better but... you'd be better off with me gone. No point scratching at old wounds and making a mess of a perfectly good life. You two had something good going on and look what already happened when I came into play? The longer I stick around, the worse it will get. You're both already wanted criminals because of me. The least I can do is not fuck things up further."

[06.04.2017 11:41:20] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: "Because of you?" Steve couldn't help the soft huff that escaped his chest, the small, bitter smile that flickered over his lips for the fraction of a second before dying again immediately. His heart was pounding, blood rushing in his ears, because there was so much - so much wrong with this. "No, pal. Sorry to burst that bubble but you're giving yourself a little too much blame here. We're not wanted criminals because of you. We're wanted because we didn't agree to signing the Accords. That's all there is to it. Everything else was just a consequence of that decision."

[06.04.2017 11:52:26] Hannah: "Yes and no." He shrugged again, feeling mostly dead inside and resigned in contrast with Steve's anger. "If you didn't go trying to save me from the CIA, it wouldn't have mattered that you haven't signed the accords. You wouldn't be a superhero anymore maybe but you wouldn't be on the wanted list either. And if I am giving myself too much credit... then why care if I leave?" This part stung in his heart but it was a distant ache. "If I don't matter anyway then I don't see why you'd want me to stick around."

[06.04.2017 12:17:35] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: Even though everything in him bristled, Steve forced himself to remain quiet for a moment. He hadn't forgotten how insistently Bucky could hold some beliefs once they had taken root deeply enough, and he knew that there was no way down this path he could convince Bucky otherwise - at least right now. Too much credit for where the blame lies, not as a person, God, Bucky, listen to me -­ "Do you think I ever stopped loving you?"

[06.04.2017 12:25:36] Hannah: "Yes." Another simple statement, plain and honest though he didn't shrug this time. But it was still something he already accepted and tried not to hurt about. It was perfectly reasonable, really... "I was dead, for all you knew. You moved on. That's good, healthy." His shoulders itched to shrug again but he stopped himself. It'd be rude. He moved instead, walking over to the bar to pour himself a drink - nothing alcoholic, just some juice he found he liked. He needed to do something with himself and not just stand there like a statue.

[06.04.2017 14:00:09] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: Steve expected the answer, but it still hurt more than he thought it would. He swallowed down the lump of emotion that rose in his throat at Bucky's words and took a second to take a slow, seep breath. But eventually he followed Bucky, walked over to that bar until he was standing right beside him, facing him. Heart still hammering. "Bucky... look at me, please?"

[06.04.2017 14:04:04] Hannah: He did. He raised his eyes at him slowly, something twisting inside him, in his stomach, all fluttering but not in a good way. He didn't know what Steve wanted to say to him. He didn't know if he wanted to hear it, whatever it might be, because he didn't think anything good could come out of either option. This way or another... he'd be screwing things up for Steve. And it'd hurt and honestly, he was just tired of pain. [06.04.2017 14:10:59] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: Steve's fingers itched to reach out and touch him. He held himself back, didn't think he could take it if Bucky would withdraw or, worse, jerk away from an attempted touch. So he curled his fingers inward and kept his hands still, fighting the onslaught of memories that came just by being close like this, by Bucky looking at him like this. "Natasha and I," Steve finally said, his voice calm, gaze unwavering on Bucky's eyes, "we have lived with each other for two years in the knowledge that neither of us stopped loving you. And there hasn't been a single day where I didn't miss you."

[06.04.2017 14:24:07] Hannah: He didn't expect a confession like that and he didn't know what to do with it. He geld his gaze only while Steve spoke but cast his eyes away as soon as he was done. Shame and guilt gnawed at him, and other feelings that were harder to name. "It was different." He said quietly, not to argue with him but to point out the flaw in Steve's thinking about this. "It's different, loving a memory of someone. You don't expect them to come back, you..." He wasn't sure if he was making sense himself. "I don't think I'm the same person you remember loving. Nor the one Nat does. I... I don't want to wreck what you managed to build with her. It's not worth taking that risk for a broken mess like me."

[06.04.2017 15:08:40] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: It was impossible to stay still after that. So Steve raised his left hand slightly, carefully touching Bucky's right forearm. He was aching to hug him, so much that Steve shifted half a step closer before being able to stop himself. "Loving someone always means loving the memories of them too. None of us are the same anymore, not you, not Nat, not me." Steve hesitated for a moment, wishing Bucky would look at him again. "I was a different person when I found you in the war - and I don't just mean this." He gestured vaguely, briefly, at his own body. "I wasn't the same I used to be. I'm not the same man anymore you used to love either. But that's the other part of it. You've got to adjust, every day, and get to know each other again every day, because no one ever stops changing. And whatever you think you are - don't really agree with you on that, by the way - I need you in my life. There's no risk I'm not willing to take for that."

[06.04.2017 15:25:33] Hannah: The touch made him twitch and shy away, an instinctual reaction because for so many years touch would only mean pain, this way or another. He didn't look up either even as he listened to every word Steve said. It made sense but in a way his mind still refused to accept over his doubts, guilt and self-hate. "And what do you need me for, Steve?" He asked, quiet but also sadly bitter. "What can I, as I am now, offer you? Sleepless nights, because of how much I scream through my nightmares? Hydra and U.S government trying to get us? Broken bones and bruises when I panic and lash out fof no reason at all? Another bullet in your guts if somebody uses those fucking words on me again?" He shook his head. "You'll be better off without me. You'll be safer without me. Happier. You just don't want to admit it to yourself."

[06.04.2017 15:44:27] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: Steve couldn't remember even one moment in his life - not before the serum, not even on the helicarrier facing his best friend who had no idea who he was - when he had felt as helpless as he did right now. He didn't agree with even one single thing in everything Bucky was telling him, but how could he make Bucky understand that if he was so very set on these thoughts? How was he supposed to do this? Everything in his chest was aching, the confirmation of Bucky shying away from him only making it all worse. And maybe he shouldn't try again, maybe he should just take the damn hint, but Steve had never been good at that. So he reached out again, slowly, telegraphing the movement so that it wouldn't take Bucky by surprise again, his fingers brushing against the outside of Bucky's arm. "I don't care," Steve finally said through the lump in his throat, "how long it's going to take to convince you that you're wrong. I'm not Captain America anymore. I'm going to get my friends out, wherever they put them. I'm going to be right here with you, for whatever you need, and you can stop trying to push me out of your life, because that's not going to happen. You're not going to get rid of me. And I know you're stubborn, but you can't out-stubborn me on this. So just stop trying right now."

[06.04.2017 16:00:39] Hannah: He didn't shy away from the touch this time and he finally looked up, looked at Steve. He needed to look into his eyes, see the stubborness there, see that everything he was trying to tell him was for nothing because Steve had already made his mind up in this topic. And it made Bucky cry. Just like that, no warning almost, and there were fucking tears in his eyes. It hurt as hell because he knew there was only one thing he could do and say to protect Steve from himself and he also knew he wasn't strong enough to do it. The tears stung at his eyes as a feeling of helplesness and defeat washed over him, sickly familiar from all the times he's been weak in the past, all the times they broke him, and he drew a shaky breath as he leaned forward to lean against Steve. "It's a mistake." He choked, shutting his eyes. "I will only hurt you..."

[06.04.2017 18:04:42] Verena|| justabrooklynkid: It was probably telling how much more Bucky's reaction shocked Steve than every other before this. The suddenness of the tears, the wqy he sought contact had Steve act on pure instinct, his heart thhudding painfully hard in his chest. His arms came up immediately, but when they wrapped around Bucky's shoulders, they were gentle, warm, and Steve was almost dizzy with relief. "No you won't," he said with quiet conviction, his hold carefully tightening around Bucky, his breath hitching with the suddenly nearly overwhelming familiarity of his scent. "Only way you could hurt me right now is to leave."

[19:23:03] Hannah: His breath hitched when Steve's arms wrapped around him and he tensed slightly but only for half a second, then he relaxed again, leaning into him hard, even raising his own arm to put it around Steve's middle. Steve was still wrong, though, but Bucky didn't know how to tell him that. He knew, he knew how much Steve would hurt if he left now and that was the only reason he wasn't going to do that... even if he still believed that'd be the right choice in the long run. Maybe he was a bit of a coward too. He didn't deserve this, Steve's embrace, Steve's reassurance. But he craved it, somewhere deep inside. He wanted him back, he wanted himself back, even if he didn't believe he could ever get any of it. And God, he didn't want to destroy what Steve had built with Nat. They were good for each other, they made each other happy. Fuck, he couldn't just stay and fuck it up for them and he knew he would, by his mere presence, especially after Steve admitted he had missed him all this time. The only way he could see this ending... was a disaster for all of them and fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, he didn't want to do that to them. "Steve, I..." He sucked in a breath, moving to pull back slowly, blinking, then quickly wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry. I still think it'd be better if I left..." He admitted, looking down for a moment, then at him again. "But I won't for now. Just... sorry."