#obligatory if i can make translation corrections tell me tag

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation)

Cellbit: Okay! Let's go... east!

(Pepito rides off on a skateboard)

Cellbit: ...Richas...I didn't want to be that guy but your brother is so much cooler than you at this moment- He's riding off on a skateboard with flaming wheels, we have to do something about this problem.

(Pepito does a kick flip off of Richarlyson's sign and over Cellbit's head)

Cellbit: HOLY-

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation + Transcript)

Roier: So you're calling me a door?

Cellbit: Yes- yes, because it's beautiful and it protects me.

Roier: It protects you but it's a door that gets touched by zombies all the time.

Badboyhalo: My latino people?

*Cellbit and Roier losing their shit*

Roier: Oww my head *laughing* holy shit

BBH: Richarlyson put it on a sign!

Roier: Incredible, incredible, Badboyhalo, hoooly…

Cellbit: That was really good- That was really good!

Roier: My latino people! Incredible, nice job, Badboyhalo, nice job!

Cellbit (crosstalk): That was- That was good- That was really good.

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation)

Cellbit: What is that?

Cellbit: It's a booby!? Wha- (laughs)

Cellbit, laughing: No! No, booby, don't die! Don't go into that dungeon booby!

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation)

Cellbit: It’s over. I don’t have anyone else left. I don’t have my son, I don’t have my husband, I don’t have my sister, I have nothing.

Cellbit: They’re all dead or missing. Now, I only have anger. I only have vengeance. If before I was already bloodthirsty…It’s best if they prepare themselves now.

Cellbit: The only thing that can awaken any feeling in me now is death and blood.

Cellbit: …It’s done. Its done. It’s over. They’re going to understand the real fucking purgatory.

[why-do-we-do-this]

The story about the man with a bigger ass than Roier

(Translation under cut)

Quackity: First of all we need to make something very clear; Roier no longer has the biggest ass in Mexico. Someone took the title from this guy

Roier: Okay, let's tell it- Well do we say where we were or no? I think yes, right?

Quackity: Uh- yes. Yeahyeahyeah

Roier: Okay, guys, do you all remember the ESLAND* hotel? We went to this same hotel but to eat, and as we were leaving there was this man with a massive ass- enormous-

Cellbit, laughing: We were like- chatting- and out of nowhere this guy with an enormous ass just appears, all caked up- (laughing too hard to speak)

Roier: But- but I mean, this bastard was stopped like this, look look look! (Roier demonstrates) He was turned around like this, and then he looked over like this-

Quackity: I'm g- look, I'm going to tell you exactly in the way that it happened, look look look-

(video cuts)

Quackity: We were leaving- we drank last night so my voice is a little fucked- We were leaving to go drink, and suddenly while leaving- it was like one in the morning, right? One thirty in the morning, in the same hotel we went to for ESLAND*- and this guy passed by- but he was like- he was a guy and I swear to you he was passing by like this- (demonstrates) Some of the- The biggest ass cheeks I have ever seen in my life! In my life!

Roier: But- but in truth- people, compared to me I hadn't ever met someone with such a big ass- it was like two enormous bowling balls like this (makes tongue clicking noises)

Cellbit: Perfectly aligned, like- spherical

Roier: Yes, perfect- I mean, his pants were glowing- his pants were glowing, man!

Cellbit: Yes- I was crying like how much (makes distressed noises) -the biggest ass!

Roier, in a half-crying voice: The pants- I'm tired, boss-

Quackity: It's was so symmetrical, dude- It was an incomparable symmetry, man.

Cellbit: It was a perfect symmetry- and he looked behind himself like (demonstrates) "Hello- Hello where are you going to?"

Quackity: Nonono I- when I saw this it messed me up and I said- and I said to Cellbit- I said to him-

(Cellbit starts laughing)

Quackity: I was concerned! I was concerned! Guys, imagine me, my fucking worried face- and I was actually very concerned and I said "Cellbit." And he went "What? What happened?" "I found Roier's competitor."

(Cellbit and Roier giggle)

Quackity: And Cellbit fucking turned around and went "NO WAY." It was like- I compared it to the sun. The sun is always there, and you can't ignore it!

Roier: You can't!

Quackity: Because it's so fucking bright! That was how this guy's ass was! In truth it was a beautifully symmetrical sight. And it's actually very sad because [Roier] is no longer number one. Now he's number-

Roier: Now I'm number two-

Quackity: You're number three because his two count for lighting up this part of the world, man! You're number- (laughs too hard to speak)

*Thank you to @cokemcyt in the tags for explaining this: #for anyone who doesnt know the ESLAND awards are awards for spanish speaking content creators and one time they took place in mx city!

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation/Transcription)

Cellbit: Hey little darling~

Pac: No no no!!!

Cellbit, in a nasaly voice: Come here! Come here! *licks his lips* You know who else bled like that? *giggles*

Pac: Not again, Cell.

Cellbit, in a nasally voice: Him. Your little friend.

Pac: NO! Stop talking about him!

Cellbit: (in English) Hey man! Sorry, we had a lore moment here!

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation/Transcription)

Roier: “Let’s care for our planet” Like Cellbit because he doesn’t shower in order to care for the planet!

*Roier and Cellbit laugh*

Roier: People, people, listen, today me and Cellbit were talking and I said to him “take a bath, you smell like ass” and he told me “I took a bath on Saturday!”

*Cellbit cackles*

Roier, giggling: -And I started to laugh and he said to me “It’s in order to care for our planet!”

*Cellbit dying of laughter*

Roier: *laughing* The filthy son of a bitch!

Cellbit: We have to conserve water, dumbass! Worry about the environment!

Roier: *laughing* Oh shit

Cellbit: Foolish, how mu- how many times do you [bathe] a week?

Foolish: Umm… probably… at least, like-

Cellbit: Once? Once, right? Every Saturday.

*Roier starts dying*

Foolish: Wait- once a week!? What!?

Cellbit: Yes, of course! Man, we’re gonna save the world, man! Don’t you think about the- the- you know-

Foolish: What!? There’s no way you’re showeri- that you bathe once a week???

Cellbit: Yeah! Every Saturday! What? Of course! Everyone should do this- *laughs*

Foolish: WHAT!? YOU’RE NUTS! YOU’RE NUTS! You’re crazy!

Roier: He said that with such a straight face- You said that with such a straight face you son of a bitch!

*Cellbit looses it*

Roier: Cellbit’s room must reek of ass!

Cellbit: What, no! You have to think about the environment! You have to think about the…about the ecology, right?

Foolish, crosstalk: Oh! It’s a joke? It’s a joke???

Roier: I can’t with this, I can’t

Cellbit: You have to think about the environment!

[why-do-we-do-this]

(Translation)

Cellbit: What’s this? Wha-

Roier: It’s a briefcase.. *dramatic inhale* It’s an enigma, it’s an enigma.

Cellbit: It’s an enigma?

Roier: It’s an enigma. I left you a book in your house. Find it.

Cellbit: No way. No fucking way.

Roier: There’s an enigma inside.

Cellbit: No, you’re lying- you’re lying.

Roier: It’s the truth. (In Portuguese) It’s the truth.

Cellbit: It’s the truth? Okay, okay, okay.

Roier: Yeah, you dumbass son of a bitch-

Cellbit: *laughs* Hey! Badboyhalo is here, idiot!

Roier: Nonono- son of a…whore- I DON’T KNOW AAAAA

Cellbit: *dying* That’s even worse! It’s getting worse!

Roier: Okay- Okay, no- son- son of a- son of god!

Cellbit: Son of god- That works, there we go- Listen, let’s name the gifts-

Roier: To pee??? Piss? Peepee?

Cellbit: Name

Roier: You don’t.. You don’t want to pee.

Cellbit: (In Spanish) Name

Roier: Ohhh! Son of- god! Now I understand!

Cellbit: *losing his shit*

Roier: *laughs* Now I understand, bro!

[why-do-we-do-this]

It’s a cute moment if you pretend that menso actually does mean beautiful

(Translation)

Bad: Hello!

Roier: Hi how are you- “Spanish Idiot” What? What do you mean “idiot”?

Cellbit: “Idiot”- what does “idiot” mean?

Roier: You are an “idiot”, Cellbit. It means “pretty”- It means “pretty”, right? Yes!

Cellbit: Okay

Roier: You are- You are very stupid, Cellbit.

Cellbit: Thank you, you as well- you’re very stupid.

Roier: You’re welcome- no- no- I’m not, I’m horrible.

Cellbit: You are a big idiot, a huge idiot, a massive idiot-

Roier (crosstalk): No I’m so horrible- you’re even more so, you’re an enormous idiot!

Cellbit: You’re sooo stupid.

Roier: You’re soooooooooooooo stupid.

Cellbit: You’re the most idiotic of all!

Roier: You’re the number one stupidest idiot in this entire fucking galaxy!

Cellbit: You’re the biggest idiot in the fucking universe <3

Roier: No- you’re the number one stupidest person in all of the multiverses!

Cellbit: You are the number one idiot- okay you win, you beat me

[why-do-we-do-this]

Clip from an older vod but still hilarious

(Translation/Transcription)

Cellbit: I passed, 19 out of 19- guy's a legend!

Cellbit, in English: Ohhh my god! He's the host-o man! How is he so good at roast-os!?

Cellbit: Internationally known as The King of Faces

(I'll explain a bit for my monolinguals: he's just Very Weirdly pronouncing the Portuguese word for "face" on purpose lmao)