why-do-we-do-this - Tumblr blog

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Caves are weirder and more varied than you think

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boom

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POV: you are a random owlk, rudely interrupting

Welp, the hatchling's getting radicalized. Or romanced. Either way it's good for the universe :)

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🪐Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye

Followup to my previous post - a heavily colour graded & edited Outer Wilds: Echoes of the Eye screenshot with minimal spoilers.

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[After Fit gives Shane another pepper]

Shane: Oh wow, Tio Fabio! How'd you know this is my favorite?

Fit: 'Cuz this is the third time we've had a conversation about peppers. Dipsht.

Shane: What? What do you want? Go away.

Fit: [Offended silence]

Fit: You're lucky my ax is at the blacksmith right now. You're lucky I do not have my fcking ax on me right now, 'cuz I would end up in the news.

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Clip from an older vod but still hilarious

(Translation/Transcription)

Cellbit: I passed, 19 out of 19- guy's a legend!

Cellbit, in English: Ohhh my god! He's the host-o man! How is he so good at roast-os!?

Cellbit: Internationally known as The King of Faces

(I'll explain a bit for my monolinguals: he's just Very Weirdly pronouncing the Portuguese word for "face" on purpose lmao)

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comenzó su locura

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Controlled chaos

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I kinda gave up on this tbh

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Bad idea: Age gap discourse but in a fantasy land where there's multiple races who have vastly different lifespans and life styles.

Is it wrong for a 27 year old human to date a 140 year old stone elf, considering most stone elves don't get out of diapers till their 30s?

Is it wrong for a 80 year old dwarf to date a two year old fire wisp, when fire wisps only live up to 5 years (between the eruptions) and have memories of their past lives, so in a way they're "born" at age 400,000+? That octogenarian dwarf is way younger than the fire wisp that's only physically younger than some of the socks the dwarf has!

Is it wrong for a chronomancer who was never born to date, well, anyone? They are zero years old and infinity years old and negative one hundred and seventeen years old all at once. They look like an old human, sure, with the long white beard and the wrinkly skin, but as far as anyone can tell, they've always looked like that. We've seen the cave paintings.

Is it wrong for a 30 year old lizardman (that's old in lizardman years) to date a human who is 60 years old in biological years (because of aging spells), 26 years old in lived-experience years, but only 13 years old in calendar years? (ie, they were born 13 years ago, but spent some of that time in sideways timelines, so they've lived more years than have passed in their home timeline?)

Is it wrong for a 12,000 year old dragon date a pile of 400 kobolds when kobolds only live like 10 years on average, but reach full maturity in one year? And if you disagree, can you do anything about it? You do know what happened to the last policeman who tried to arrest a dragon, right? Their city is still smoldering, 50 years later.

Is it wrong for anyone to date the time worm? It's the same age, every year. So the age gap can only intensify. If you start dating the time worm when you're both the same age, when do you break it off because you've become too much older than them?

And most confusing of all... What about the fairies? They could be anything between a thousand and a day old, they would lie about their age either way, and they can look like whatever they want. There's fairies we know for a fact have been around since the founding of The City of Towers, who met the silent mother herself, and also look like they're at most ten years old. Is it wrong to date them, or just really uncomfortable for everyone who sees it? And on the other side there's fairies who are "born" (hatched? They come from plants, I'm not sure what the verb even would be. Seeded? Sprouted, maybe) this week who are already appearing like middle-aged men and dancing with widows in what looks like a scheme to run off with her fortune but they never take the money, because what would a fairy want with worthless metal discs? Maybe fairies have a hive mind or genetic memory or reincarnation with full memories, they'd never tell you or give you a straight (or consistent) answer anyway.

Stone golems are really the only inter-race dating situation anyone can agree on. They're unthinking & unmoving solid rock during the day, so those hours don't count. Thus their "real age" is a nice even half of their true age. So if you meet a stone golem who was dug out 30 years ago, watch out: that's a 15 year old, and if you're a 25 year human, that's too young for you, even though their dig-date is five years before your birth-date.

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There is a conversation to be had about the fact that Taylor Swift's album is being played in its entirety across all of iHeartRadio's 868 stations, pushing out the opportunities other artists might have had to get radioplay. That's the literal definition of a monopoly. No wonder she'll hit the top of the radio play charts with this maneuver, because at least 65 minutes (if not the back side of the album, which would take it to nearly twice that length) across EIGHT HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT STATIONS will be dedicated to her, artificially boosting her radio play and decreasing everyone else's. In this essay I will—

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Etoiles: Play better Bagi, people are watching.

Matt: Bagi, if you love me, win this! That's my ultimatum.

Tina: Oh my goodness...

Bagi: I think that's why you're single now, right? That's why you're single now, Matt.

Cellbit: How the turn tables.

Matt: Cellbit, if you love me, lose!

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being obsessed w a piece of media is so scary. what if my mutuals see how insane i go about it and think oh i gotta check out what this is about and then think it sucks and kill me with rocks. what if they hate my favorite characters

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(Translation/Transcription)

Missa, softly: Oh god...

Badboyhalo: Why don't you uh... Why don't you climb down there, Missa, and make sure everything's cleaned up?

Missa: I should- I should do that, definitely- I should take a peep down there and see- It's fine, you've got a point

Bad: Yeah, yeah. Just go down, make sure everything's all nice and tidy.

(Missa shoves him down)

Bad, getting fainter: Uh- Hey! Missa! MISSA. MISSA. Missa, get back here-

(Missa hysterically giggles)

Missa: Let's go, let's fucking go, let's fucking go, let'sfuckinggolet'sfucking go let's get out of here let's get out of here let's get out of heeeere let's get out of here right now, oooh, Badboyhalo what did you do? (Missa noises) Nonono BadboyhalooOoOo, I thought you were our friend!

(Missa begins vocalizing to the tune of "Bad Romance")

Bad: Missa!~

Missa, in English: Ah!- OH WHAT THE FUCK?

Bad: Where are you going Missa? You just- You just like running! I feel like you shouldn't be doing that, Missa!

(Missa makes half-sobbing, half-laughing noises)

Bad: Missaaa~

Missa: WHAT THE FCK—

Bad: Where are you going Missa? You just like running! I feel like we shouldn't be doing that, Missa.

Missa: [Wheezing]

Missa's QSMP streams usually feel like a cartoon or slapstick comedy, but right now it feels more like a horror movie. Man really almost got Cask of Amontillado'ed.