#obviously if you really wanna do animation you should just apply to animation in various colleges. no point signing up for fine art or

[thestargayzingheroine]

My Adventures With Superman - A Rambling Set Of Thoughts

Okay, I know I don't USUALLY make posts like this and I especially hate getting cynical and nitpicky about these sorts of things because I just don't wanna contribute to all the negativity on the internet... But this is something I just couldn't shake.

So last night I watched the first season of My Adventures With Superman and... I have a lot of mixed feelings about to be brutally honest which is a shame because I know SO many people really loved this show.

Spoilers for season 1 obviously

For the most this show is great and it has a good foundation for Superman and gets him and his relationship with Lois so right. I love how Clark is this big, soft himbo twink dork who really reminds me of Adora from She-Ra and Lois is this fun tomboy who falls head over heels for him. And to be honest, all of their moments were genuinely the highlight of the show for me. SERIOUSLY ITS LIKE CLARK AND LOIS BUT MADE FOR SAPPHICS LIKE ME AND I ADORE THEM

I love the art style and animation too and really does put a very fresh new aesthetic on DC stuff. Sure, it's a bit too much like She-Ra and Voltron in places, but for DC, it's a really good breath of fresh air. Seriously, look at the designs of Deathstroke and Livewire!

But sadly, that's not all the show is and this is where I have to sadly talk about my negatives with it.

Sooooo… this show was written a lot of the same people who wrote She-Ra and it seems to be a big fan of various anime things too, especially Dragon Ball Z and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

To that end, the show has basically... turned Superman into a mixture of Adora and Goku, not just in terms of personality traits and in Adora's case, her relationship with Catra (Seriously, if Clark was a woman and blonde, I would swear she and Lois would just be Catradora)

This sadly does apply to how this show portrays the Kryptonians, who are implied to MOSTLY be a race of evil conquerors who tried to attack Earth only for Krypton to be destroyed. This is VERY similar to how the First One's were depicted in She-Ra, as well as how the Saiyans were in Dragon Ball Z. One could also argue that their attack on Earth is a weird mashup of the movie Arrival and the Second Impact from Evangelion but that's me getting very nitpicky.

So naturally, we have Adora and Goku's traits being applied to Superman. And…. those traits don't really work for Superman, at all. Now I should be clear, it seems to be that Jor-El and Lara were actually like rebels fighting the evil Kryptonians (which is ironically Mara's whole deal... you seeing the She-Ra pattern here yet?) but like... I don't like this idea at all. Poor Clark even has a fucking breakdown later on and thinks he's actually some evil weapon meant to conquer Earth AGAIN just like Adora from She-Ra being used as a weapon by the First One's. And I just feel bad for him because he's trying to be the good decent Superman we all love... but he's getting dragged into this plot that pretty much breaks him... and I don't really like it.

And then there's a whole subplot about Lois meeting alternate versions of herself and discovering alternate versions of Superman who are evil (which is bizarrely how Kryptonite is introduced in this show) which.... yeah I don't like that plot either. Nor am I the fan of Task Force X pulling the whole "the Government is treating clark as hostile because they think he's an evil alien" plot which I have gotten kinda tired of seeing in a lot of modern Superhero media. It's either Superheroes being hated or hunted by the government or being made to work for them.

And you know where this all probably came from for this show in particular? Fucking Zack Synder and Man of Steel. It's kind of ironic because a lot of this show feels like its in response to the Synderverse, like it feels obligated to comment on how people see Superman now because of those crappy movies, something that I know James Gunn is probably gonna do as well with his superman movie basically a live action version of Superman vs the Elite.

And just…. no, none of this shit is really necessary nor is it a good idea. Because it kinda takes away some bits of Superman that I like. I know the show isn't done yet but… I can already make a good guess of where it's going to go. And where it's going… idk if I'm gonna like a whole lot.

It is clearly a show wanting to be different from all that has been done before with Superman…. but by being different for the sake of it, it's doing a lot of stuff I just don't like.

I just want there to be a day when we get a Superman thing that doesn't have to justify the man's own existence and role in a story because some objectivist edgelord made a bad movie with him in it eleven years ago.

So yeah, by turning Superman into more or less mostly Adora from She-Ra... I think they might have messed him a bit in my eyes. I hope season 2, whenever that comes out hopefully pushes things in a more hopeful direction and I could genuinely call this a good adaption of Superman. Because there is so much potential with just from the relationship of Clark and Lois alone that tells me that these creators just GET how Superman's character is.

So yeah, I hope that long rambling thought made sense.

[lol-despair]

Dd

[averykedavra]

Will You Be There To Follow

I’m back! And I bring fluff! I have a million other things I should be doing, but @qprdukeceitweek​ has an adorable list of prompts for this week, so I figured I’d write something for a few of them! It was a good excuse for completely plotless, rambling fluff. Plus my own QPP @becca-becky​ likes Dukeceit, so I couldn’t not.

(Title from Anywhere I Go by Vicetone. You can find this story on Ao3 here.)

Prompt: Day 1. Snakes and rats.

Pairing: QPR Dukeceit

Words: 3388

Warnings: death and murder mentions, kidnapping mention, fire mention (but all joking), food, sympathetic Janus and Remus with one mention of Patton, mentions of many animals including spiders and rats

Remus and Janus weren’t exactly a typical couple.

They’d met in college. At three in the morning, when Remus was frantically looking for the fire extinguisher and barged into Janus’ room by mistake. After successfully putting out the flaming Hot Pockets and thwarting the teachers, Remus had offered Janus an ashy hand and an invitation to hang out. Janus agreed.

Now they were partners, lodged in the sketchiest apartment in town, and they’d only gotten in trouble with the law twice! Janus worked at the local tattoo parlor while Remus scraped his way to a bachelor’s degree. They lived off a diet of ramen and cola. Remus had suggested marriage to make taxes easier, and Janus argued that they’d be succumbing to the system.

Remus proposed anyway. Janus said yes.

So they weren’t typical, but they had followed the usual milestones--graduate, move out, get married. Janus looked viscerally horrified when Remus reminded him of this. He suggested they escape to the mountains, in order to escape the pressure of the status quo. Remus said he didn’t mind doing all the normal stuff if Jan was there, and anyway, quietly subverting expectations was the best. Janus rolled his eyes.

Graduate. Move out. Get married. Obviously, the next step was making a family--and Remus didn’t really want or need a family, but it was a good thing to tease Janus about. And a good way to make sure they were still on the same page.

That entire thought process made since to Remus.

So he wasn’t really sure why Janus almost shrieked when Remus asked “Do you want to get a baby?”

“What?” Janus managed after a few seconds. “A baby?”

“Mhm!” Remus continued chopping the carrots. “You wanna get one?”

“Get one?” Janus repeated. “What do you want a baby for?”

“I don’t, I’m just seeing if you do!” Remus shrugged. “And ‘cause of the usual baby things, right? Keep us company.”

“A sniveling infant will definitely be wonderful company.” Janus turned around to look at Remus, with his classic I’m-not-sure-whether-to-laugh face. “Where’d you get this idea?”

“It’s, like, the usual order, right?” Remus spread out his hands, and Janus ducked to avoid the carrot knife. “Move into apartment. Get married. Have baby. Have another baby. Go to soccer practice. Mortgage the house. Have an affair. Read a lot of newspapers. Slowly grow to loathe each other.”

Janus snickered. “I’m not keen on any of that.”

“Well, we could just grab a baby and see if we like it?” Remus asked. “We could always put it back later.”

“We could--” Janus blinked at him and snickered again. “Whose baby would this be?”

“Ours!”

“How would we get it, then?”

“Adoption!” Remus suggested. “Or kidnapping.”

“I knew it!” Janus declared. “I knew this was another attempt at getting permission for kidnapping.”

“Aw, but it’s just a baby! It won’t mind!” Remus stuck out his bottom lip. “We can steal it from rich people. Please?”

“I’m not sure if my usual ‘steal only from the rich’ rule applies to newborn children.”

“We could train it up!” Remus continued, grinning. “Teach it the ways of the world. And then it can carry on our legacy.”

Janus dried his hands. “What legacy?”

“Subterfuge, sappiness, and systematically undermining the government.”

“Right, right, that legacy.” Janus laughed. “Be that as it may, I’m not exactly eager to change diapers. Get me a baby that doesn’t poop, cry, or need any sort of food, and we’re golden.”

“Hmm,” Remus said, scrunching up his face. “So you just want a talking baby doll.”

“No!” Janus folded his arms. “Those always murder you.”

“It’d be a wild way to go, though.” Remus rocked back and forth on the kitchen floor. Janus carefully took the knife from his hand and put it in the sink. “What’s something couples do instead of babies--”

“We’re not exactly a traditional couple,” Janus pointed out. “Most couples kiss each other, and don’t have a warrant for their arrest in Oklahoma.”

“That was completely not my fault.” Remus thought for a few more seconds. “Oh! Oh, Jan! We could get a pet!”

Janus tilted his head. “That would solve some of the problems.”

“We could get a pet,” Remus said, warming to the idea, “and we could hang out with it! And if it was a big one, it could guard the door from thieves.”

“A pet,” Janus repeated, and Remus squealed when he saw Janus start to nod. “That’s not a terrible idea, actually. Even if it is upholding outdated marital traditions.”

“Nah, animals are way beyond all that!” Remus spread his hands. “It’s a cool living organism! All blood and bones and sinew! Don’t classify pets with, like, amatonormativity.”

“Hmm,” Janus said. “How much would a pet cost?”

“Depends on the pet, right?”

“Hmm,” Janus said again. “And what pet would you suggest--”

Remus beamed. “Spider monkey.”

“What?”

“It’s a monkey! But it’s really long.” Remus wiggled his fingers to convey the length. “I wonder if it eats spiders or just looks like one.”

“We are not getting a pet monkey,” Janus said. “They poop.”

“Every animal poops, Jan, you’re not getting out of that one.”

“Ugh,” Janus complained. “Plus I’m pretty sure that’s an illegal pet--”

“So?”

“So illegal pets wouldn’t be happy in the apartment,” Janus said. “Either that, or they’re endangered and poached. We’re going to aim for a legal pet here.”

“Well, there go half my ideas!” Remus pouted. “What pet do you wanna get, buzzkill?”

“I don’t know,” Janus said, leaning against the counter. “We decided on this three seconds ago, I haven’t searched the whole catalog.”

“Are there pet catalogs?”

“There are probably lists online.” Janus’ hand drifted towards his pocket before he glanced at the half-chopped carrots and various kitchen implements. “We need to make lunch first, though--”

“Nope!” Remus threw open the cupboard and grabbed a bag of chips. “Makeshift lunch. Let’s go.”

Janus watched him with a small smile. “You’re really excited about this, aren’t you?”

“Idea!” Remus said by way of explanation. “Animal!”

“Animal,” Janus agreed, giving the carrots a regretful look before leading the way into the living room. “Pass the chips.”

Remus tossed him the chip bag and flopped onto the couch. The couch gave its usual pitiful squeak, and Remus kicked his feet up onto the armrest just to spite it. Janus curled into the other corner of the couch and pulled out his phone.

“Okay, here’s a list of possible pets,” he said. “We could--”

“Hold on!” Remus raised a finger before rolling off the couch. He yanked at the mass of papers under the couch before pulling out a sheaf of poster paper and pulling it over the TV. “Meeting time?”

“Alright,” Janus shrugged and grabbed a nearby marker. “I can write.”

“Cool!” Remus yanked away the remnants of the last meeting’s notes, which involved a parking lot vandalism and choices of flannels. “This meeting shall come to order. The subject is possible pets.”

“I’ll write a list and we can work through the possibilities.” Janus uncapped the marker and scribbled a header for the list. “Let’s see…cat, dog, fish…”

“Hamster,” Remus suggested, collapsing back onto the couch. “Gerbil? What’s the difference?”

“Guinea pigs too,” Janus added. “Birds--”

“Birds is a category.”

“So?”

“If birds are all one entry, blend together the hamsters and guinea pigs.”

“I already wrote them--” Janus sighed and wrote birds, etc. on the paper. “Happy?”

“Weasels,” Remus said. “Ferrets. Monkeys.”

Janus wrote down weasels and ferrets, but not monkeys. “Snakes. Snails.”

“Snails?” Remus repeated.

“Hermit crabs.”

“People have pet crabs?”

“Geckos,” Janus continued, seemingly unfazed. “Spiders--”

“Spiders?” Remus almost yelled. “Where are you getting this stuff?”

“Old roommate in college was a total animal lover,” Janus said. “Hmm...ants.”

“We’re not getting ants,” Remus said.

“Shh, voting comes later.” Janus stepped back and tapped the marker on his chin. “Is that all?”

“Frogs?” Remus suggested. He wasn’t sure if they could be pets, but maybe if he spitballed animals, he’d land on a correct one. “Zebras? Rats? Dragons? Hedgehogs?”

“Two or three of those are real, I think,” Janus said. He wrote down most of them, disappointingly leaving out dragons. “Aren’t there more kinds of lizards?”

“Write lizards, etc, like the coward you are.” Remus wriggled back and forth on the couch. “Rabbits?”

“Rabbits,” Janus agreed. “Mice. Turtles?”

“Don’t ask me, you’re the expert-by-proxy.”

“There’s got to be a few more.” Janus read through the list. “Are goats pets?”

“Are horses?”

“We can’t fit a horse in our apartment.”

“You said it wasn’t the veto stage yet,” Remus pointed out.

Janus groaned and wrote horse on the list. “Anything else, before I can quickly cross out horse?”

Remus kicked his feet in the air as he thought. “Tiger?”

“Not a pet.”

“Only if you’re a coward.”

“Let’s just say that’s all the pets,” Janus said. “Can I cross out horse now?”

Remus sighed. “Fine.”

Janus crossed out horse gleefully and with vigor.

“Now cross out ants,” Remus said. “They’re only good for eating.”

“I sincerely hope you’re referring to their eating.”

Remus grinned.

Janus crossed out ants and skimmed the list. “I’m not too keen on snails, are you?”

“I still think you’re making them up.”

“Snails exist.”

“Not as pets!” Remus waved a hand. “Toss ‘em.”

“Alright.” Janus edited the list. “No fish.”

“What?” Remus frowned. “Why?”

“They’re absolute nonentities! Why get a fish when you can just be lonely?” Janus shrugged. “Besides, I am ninety percent sure you’d eat the fish.”

Remus crossed his arms. “That rules out all the pets, then!”

“Ew.” Janus sighed. “I’ll just cross off the smallest ones, to be safe. No mice, no frogs--okay, one of the gerbil-hamster-guinea-pigs are smaller than the others, but I have no idea which one--”

“Cross ‘em all off,” Remus said. “We’re not seven, we can do better.”

“If you say so.” Janus crossed off the several similar rodents. “Thoughts on hermit crabs?”

“Crunchy!”

“They don’t exactly possess personality.” Janus paused before scribbling through the hermit crabs, then the hedgehogs.

“Hey, c’mon, we vote first!” Remus leaned over and grabbed at the marker. “What’s wrong with hedgehogs?”

Janus looked contemptuous. “Pointy.”

“Yeah, we can use them as projectiles!”

“Oh, good point.” Janus readied his marker. “Eliminate all animals that you could possibly use as a weapon.”

“Aw, come on, Jan!” Remus snatched at the marker again. “At least lemme keep the ones that would survive it!”

“No.” Janus laughed. “Okay, but seriously, we aren’t getting a bird. I have enough birds in my life already.”

“The pigeons wanna be your friend,” Remus said. “Let them.”

“The pigeons have declared war after you fed them hot cheetos.” Janus glanced suspiciously at the window. “I shall not let them near me.”

“Fine, fine, no birds.” Remus blew a raspberry at Janus, who stuck out his tongue. “At this rate, we won’t have a single possibility left.”

“There’s still a good amount.” Janus read off the list. “Geckos, lizards etc, dogs, cats, rats, snakes, spiders, weasels and ferrets.”

“Geckos or lizards?” Remus thought about it. “They’re not very cuddly.”

“So?” Janus gestured at him. “I already cuddle with you, I don’t need another cuddly animal.”

“It’d be nice to, like, hold it though. Pet it.” Remus petted the air as an example. “Hairy!”

“Hairy means shedding,” Janus argued. “I’m not getting fur all over my shirt.”

“Spiders don’t shed!” Remus suggested. “And some of them are real hairy.”

“I hate spiders.”

“Why?”

“Just do.”

“Well, I hate geckos,” Remus decided. “‘Cause I said so.”

Janus let out a long breath. “Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way. What animal, out of these, do you want to have?”

Remus hummed and looked at the list. Dog, cat, rabbit--all too mainstream. A gecko was slimy. A snake had no arms, and that was sad. Ferrets were cool, but not really what Remus would choose--

“What do you want?” Remus asked.

Janus made a non-committal noise that signified he’d already made his choice and was just trying to be nice. “You?”

“On three,” Remus said. “Three--two--one--”

“Snake.”

“Rat.”

They both stared at each other for a moment.

“Rat?” Janus finally said. “You can’t just grab something out of the sewer and call it a pet. We talked about this.”

“No, no, a nice rat!” Remus bounced up from the sofa. “A pet one! People have those, right? We could get a rat. It’s furry but I don’t think it sheds, it doesn’t take up much space--please?”

“Huh,” Janus said. He looked back to the paper and circled rat. “Alright, that can be our first possibility.”

“And you said snake?”

“Snake,” Janus said, his eyes lighting up. “Perhaps a corn snake? Any sort of snake would work.”

“Alright,” Remus said. “Snake.”

Janus happily circled snake on the list before sitting on the couch and grabbing the unopened bag of chips. Remus made grabby hands and Janus passed him a few chips. Remus munched on the chips and Janus looked like he was thinking.

“Rat or snake?” Janus finally asked.

“Both?”

“Sure, put a rat and a snake together, they’ll get along great.”

“Separate terrariums?”

“Defeats the purpose of cuddling.” Janus popped a chip into his mouth. “Besides, I don’t think we can spring for two pets. We’ll barely be able to afford one.”

“We don’t have to pay for the electric bill,” Remus suggested. “We can light a fire, like cavemen.”

“Arson isn’t the answer to everything.”

“You just lack imagination.”

“We’ll have to choose one,” Janus said. “And since any vote we have is a tie--”

“Nose goes!” Remus smacked himself in the face. “Ow!”

Janus hadn’t even budged. “No.”

“I won the nose goes!”

“We’re going to do this like civilized partners.” Janus leaned forward. “We’re going to discuss this, listen to each other, and come to a reasonable conclusion.”

Remus groaned. “Come on. Can’t we draw straws?”

“This is a pet we’re talking about, not who does the dishes!” Janus waved his hand. “A living, breathing animal. We need to take this seriously! It’s a big decision!”

“If you wanted to take it seriously, you shouldn’t have agreed right away and skipped lunch over it,” Remus pointed out. “You jumped into this just like I did.”

“Well, you were being all--” Janus twisted his face. “Excited. I got swept up in the moment.”

“Aw, really?” Remus’ eyes widened. “Aww, Jan, you’re such a softie--”

“Shut up,” Janus complained, swatting at Remus’ face. “Shut up.”

“You love me.”

“Yes, we’re engaged, that’s been established, shut up.” Janus huffed, his face dark with blush. “The point is, we rushed into this.”

“Yeah, duh.”

“This is probably a terrible idea.”

“Like usual, yeah.”

“We shouldn’t even get a pet, there’s no reason to--”

“Oh, see, that’s where you’re wrong.” Remus spread his hands. “There isn’t a reason not to.”

Janus stared at him for a second. “That’s all you’ve got?”

“Yep!”

“Okay.” Janus nodded. “Okay, fine. Rat or snake?”

“Hmm.” Remus thought about it. “Rats have cool tails!”

“So do snakes,” Janus said. “Snakes have fangs.”

“Rats have cool little feet.”

“Snakes have scales.”

“Rats can spread rabies, I think.”

“That’s not a good thing!” Janus paused. “Also, can’t snakes spread salmonella?”

“I’d much rather have rabies.” Remus blew out a long breath. “You really want a snake, don’t you?”

“I don’t want any pet, this was your idea.” Janus waited a few seconds, and Remus let him wait. “I--I would prefer a snake, though. Patton had one back in college, it sat on my shoulders while I studied. I liked it.”

“Then--” Remus swallowed. “Then sure. Snake.”

“What?” Janus’ eyebrows came together. “Remus, are you sure--”

“Snakes are cool! Very sneaky and cool, and some of them are poisonous.” Remus leaned forward and bumped Janus’ shoulder. Janus instinctively leaned into him, and Remus pulled Janus closer and into his lap. “I don’t mind, Jan.”

“It was your idea to get a pet,” Janus said weakly. “Besides, rats are also cool! You could have an army, like the Pied Piper.”

“Snakes can swallow mice whole!”

“Rats can jump more than three feet in the air!”

“Snakes don’t have arms!”

Janus opened his mouth to fire back, and Remus screwed up his face in preparation to retaliate.

Janus giggled.

Remus snickered.

And they both burst out laughing.

“You could be the rat king,” Janus forced out between laughs. “You could rule the--the city.”

“You could use your snake to hypnotize people,” Remus countered.

“You could--” Janus dissolved into giggles and leaned into Remus’ chest. Remus tucked his chin on top of Janus’ head and enjoyed the way Janus melted into his arms.

“We don’t have to decide now,” Remus said after he managed to control his laughter. “Like, not even close to now. It’s been twenty minutes.”

“Fair, we should have an actual lunch.” Janus kicked aside the chip bag and glanced at the paper. “We did go a bit overboard--I don’t even know where we could get a pet.”

Remus watched Janus stand up and start to clean up the mess. They definitely didn’t need to figure it out, but Remus kinda did want to pursue this--at least because of the excitement in Janus’ eyes every time Remus pulled him into something stupid and ill-advised.

Deciding on a pet--one pet--was definitely the normal thing to do.

Since when had they ever been normal?

“Hey,” Remus said, “it’s not too cold outside, right?”

“I don’t think so?” Janus glanced out the window. “Why?”

Remus grinned and jumped off the couch. “I’m pretty sure there’s an animal shelter a few blocks away.”

“You’re kidding.” Janus’ mouth twitched. “We can’t just walk into there without a plan--”

“Why not?” Remus shrugged. “Society is a lie, right?”

Janus’ mouth twitched again, and he bit his lip to hide his smile. “We have lunch.”

“We’ll grab some on the way there!” Remus tilted his head and gave Janus puppy dog eyes. “Please? We can just take a peek at the animals they have. See what we bond with. Steal one. And ask if a rat and a snake could possibly get along.”

“They can’t,” Janus said. “They’d kill each other.”

“You said that about us, too! Our second date!” Remus grabbed Janus’ hand. “And look at us, still alive and un-murdered.”

“Don’t count on it,” Janus said, but his eyes had softened. “You’re serious about this?”

“Serious as ever!” Remus shrugged. “Look, it’s this or I go back to Plan A and steal a rich person’s baby.”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Kiss my beautiful patootie.”

“Ugh.” Janus ducked around Remus and grabbed his phone. “This will be a quick trip, right? Should I bring a carrier for whatever we decide on?”

“They’ll have those, right?” Remus darted over to the kitchen and pulled out a garbage bag. “Will this work?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s animal cruelty.”

“Aw.”

Janus pulled back his hair and grabbed his keys. Remus shrugged on a jacket. Janus gave the apartment one cursory check and, apparently finding no dead bodies, turned away.

“We’re really doing this?” Remus asked. “You’re okay with it?”

Janus paused and nodded. “Wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. I promise I’m along for the ride.”

Remus pressed a kiss to Janus’ cheek and enjoyed the way Janus stammered. “Great.”

“Don’t do that,” Janus complained. Remus knew it wasn’t a complaint. They knew each other like that. It had been such a long time since they met at three in the morning and thwarted campus security, and Remus had learned so much about Jan, and Jan had done the same. And they’d both figured out there was stuff they didn’t need to know.

Like a game plan. Or a way to fit a new pet into the apartment. Or a way to sneak it past their landlord, who Remus suddenly realized might not like pets.

But it was way more of an adventure not knowing.

Remus loved to leap into every idea.

And Remus loved that Janus always took the leap, too.

“You promise this is fine?” Remus asked.

“Yes,” Janus said. “And you promise not to make a nuisance of yourself in the shelter?”

“Nope!” Remus grinned. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Good.” Janus pulled the door open and smiled. “It wouldn’t be any fun otherwise.”

General taglist (ask to be included or removed!):

@the17thmeatball

@most-likely-fandom

@csi-baker-street-babes

@caffeinated-cryptid

@thefivecalls

@ollyollyoxinfree

@the-gay-is-back

@dramaticsnakes

@stoicpanther

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@riptide-123

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 17: On the Road

Keith works on his leadership skills, and mends his relationship with one of the respected members of castle staff.

First  Previous  Next

There’s a knock at the library doors before they open. Keith sets his datapad and tablet aside, managing a smile that’s more polite than anything else. Lance smiles back, far more genuine. “Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Wanna get out of here?”

“What, like out of the library?”

“Out of the castle.” Lance dances into the room, gossamer cloak sweeping the floor. Keith notices that his lips are painted, his eyes lined with a gold kohl. He’s wearing more ornaments in his ears than normal. So long as he himself doesn’t have to put that kind of effort into anything, he’d be delighted to get out of the castle for a bit. “What are you reading?”

“Atra Yelverton’s ‘The Natural Art of Leadership’. It’s… dense. I don’t like what he says, either.”

“Which bit, specifically?” Lance peers over at the tablet.

“Yelverton says that ‘a true leader possesses charisma, an inherent trait that can neither be learned nor taught. Additionally, many of the qualities which an effective leader possesses are inborn as opposed to learned.’ In other words, he says that leaders are born, not made.”

Keith’s ears droop. He’s aware he’s not a leader. He’s quiet and stunted and knows more about roughing it in the wild than he does leading anything.

“Well, you'll be pleased to know that while there is some truth to his teachings, he’s also been proven largely discredited. Skills that make someone a leader can be learned and applied, though certain people are more effective leaders than others and some are not effective at all.” Lance gently takes Keith’s hand, guides him to his feet. He gathers his spouse’s datapad, leaving the tablet at his desk.

"So what makes the difference?"

“See, everyone is born with a base quintessence, right? Blue, yellow, green, red, purple, or black. Some, usually people who are exceptionally complex or who are transitioning, have a blend of two or even more.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Certain-” The Altean squeaks as he bumps into the seamsmaster turning a corner. “Hello, Ventroneius. So sorry!”

“Your Majesties! Good morning!” The turquoise-scaled Altean smiles, pushing their powder-blue hair out of their eyes.

“How are Anahal and Orzal?” Lance asks, carrying himself and his spouse through formal pleasantries. Keith tries to learn his tricks.

“Anahal is as beautiful as ever and Orzal is teething and thus eating the furniture whenever our eyes aren’t on him. So, wonderful, really! How about yourselves?” So Anahal is their spouse and Orzal must be their son.

“We’re doing well, thank you. Today we’re going into town. I think it might do some good for Keith to be seen amongst the commonwealth. They have quite a negative idea of him, since they’ve not yet actually seen him.”

“They do indeed. I've heard the courtiers laughing about it. The commonwealth fancies him quite the monster, I can tell you. I think they imagine him more Zarkon’s size, to be honest.”

Keith sighs. He’s standing right here, and Vetroneius won’t even acknowledge him. It rather hurts his feelings, if he’s honest with himself. Although he did hurt Vetroneius’ feelings when they first met… Did he ever apologize?

“Well, I won’t keep you. I can tell you’re itching to get somewhere. You’ve grown a spot or two since last winter Crown Prince Lancel, so do come down to be fitted for a new cloak soon. Bring Prince Yorak with you.”

“Will do! See you then!” Lance tries to pull them along, but Keith hangs back, calling after the seamsmaster. Lance put them back on being-in-the-same-room terms, now it's up to him to work out the rest. If he can.

“Vetroneius!”

The Altean in question turns, eyebrow raised in question.

“I- Um. I’m sorry. A-about the gloves. It’s- They took my knife first thing when I got here, and- My claws were all I had left to defend myself with. I didn’t realize the significance they held and I didn’t explain why I didn’t want to wear them and-” Keith sighs. “I’m sorry I ruined them. I know you worked hard to make them for me.”

The Altean studies him for a moment, face inscrutable. “It must have been quite alarming, to arrive in a place that is meant to be your new home, and be treated like a criminal upon your arrival.” Vetroneius sighs. “Nevermind, your Majesty. From this moment forwards, let’s consider it a fresh start between us, shall we?”

“Yes. Thank you. For everything.”

Vetroneius smiles, bowing deeply, and Keith gives him a small bow in return before Lance squeezes his hand, tugs him along toward the gate. “Come on! We have to get shreika from the stables before we can go!”

Shreika are nothing like red elk. They have four legs with four toes ending in little hooves, are covered in green and pink scales, have a ridge of spines down their necks, and a tail full of feathers. They also have forked tongues. One opens its mouth to shriek and it sounds like a screaming baby.

“Why does it sound like that?!” Keith yelps.

“I’ve no idea. It’s unnerving, though, isn’t it? But despite their looks, they’re quite lovely. Though there was an unfortunate incident with a shreika and one of Allura’s mice once… Chu was fine, thank the Ancients, but we learned a lesson that day.”

"Lesson being?"

"Mice are delicious."

“And it’s just like riding an elk?”

“I’m not sure I know what that is. You squeeze it with your legs to make it go or go faster and you use the reins to tell it which direction to go?” Lance clicks his tongue and his shreika lowers its front legs into a kneeling position. Keith hesitantly does the same, swinging his leg over the saddle. To his relief, nothing horrible or embarrassing happens and the shreika gets to its feet without incident.

“Where are we going?” Keith asks, squeezing the animal’s side with his legs. It moves oddly, with a sort of side-to-side motion like a grounded sky lizard. It’ll take some getting used to.

“I was thinking the local florist. They have a more concentrated variety of plants, so we might pick a few different things to try in our garden.”

“It’s going to get crowded in there soon.”

“I know. Adam’s already on it. We might set aside a section of the grounds for you. Adam could teach you a few things… I’m glad I made that garden. You seem to really like it.”

“I like being outside. Grew up outside, for the most part. Only came inside to sleep, really. More recently, living in castles, I find the enclosed space makes me uncomfortable.”

They approach the gate, the one the guards wouldn’t open the few times Keith hand bothered to try.

“State your name and business,” a guard demands.

“Their Majesties Crown Prince Lancel and Prince Yorak. Our business is our own. Open the gates.”

With a single wave of the guard’s hand, the white metal gates opened without a sound. Keith thinks to himself that a gate should make some noise, so that people might hear if it is being moved when it’s not supposed to be. He might take the futile step to mention it to Alfor.

The ride down the hill from the Castle of Lions into City Square is a long one, taking just over a varga. Keith hardly minds. The animals are singing, the trees chiming in the breeze. Various flowers hum and resonate. The sky is a cloudless blue overhead, the sun shining cheerfully.

It’s only the second time in over a phoeb that Keith has smelled free air.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? I haven’t left the castle since… Quiznak, it’s been more than two phoebs now. I married you, and before that I had my birthday nonsense to deal with.”

“I was born on the dark of the moons,” Keith offers, hoping Lance might find it interesting.

“Say what now?”

“On the night I was born, both of our moons were new, meaning that they were dark. It’s rare.”

“Wow. All I know about moons is from my studies. We don’t have a moon, obviously.”

Keith sucks on his bottom lip for a moment. “You can see one of them sometimes. From here, I mean. It looks almost like a star; very tiny.”

“Will you show me?” Lance is excited, the little pink spots in his blue opal eyes glittering as he offers Keith an open grin.

“Sure.” Keith smiles.

The moment Lance's back is turned, he scowls. Lance is one of those people where every time he smiles, the people around him smile, including Keith. There's something about him that makes Keith want to make him smile more. He doesn't like it.

Except he does.

"Do you know a lot about the stars? I always wanted to learn, but I never got around to it. Too busy with other things."

"My father taught me. I know their names, but your sky is a bit different."

"Will you teach me? I'd love to learn. I've always wanted to see the stars. Go to space. It's so romantic, out there with so many opportunities and things to discover."

"I learned a long time ago. I'll teach you what I remember." Keith sighs. "It is beautiful in space. You feel... free. Like you could go anywhere. Do anything. Be anyone."

Keith's ears droop, tail limp against his mount's scaly hide. He remembers the one and only time he found himself in space.

Say the word, and we will never reach Altea. I swear it.

[prince-claremont-diaz]

Whatever We Become

Summary: In Lucas’ final year of high school before he has to face the real world, he comes across the new identical twins, Eliott and Leo. Needless to say, Lucas falls head over heels for both of them.

Or The twin au absolutely no one asked for

Warning: very vague smut (literally like a paragraph)

Word count: 2.5k

Ao3 version

Chapter Eleven: Hairpocalypse

“So, what shall we do while we wait?” Eliott asked, getting up from his seat.

Lucas shrugged, peeling the disposable gloves off, careful not to rip them, and dropped them onto the table. “There's not much we can do in just 20 minutes. We could watch tv?” Lucas suggested, gesturing over the kitchen counter towards the empty living room.

“That's boring. Isn't there something else more interesting?” Eliott whined, pouting.

“I'm sure there is, but I don't think there's much to do besides watch Netflix or read a book,” Lucas said simply, shrugging. “We could cook something. That could take up some time.”

Which is how they ended up with Eliott standing at the stove with the weirdest concoction Lucas had ever seen. It had started out as scrambled eggs, but then Eliott decided to add various other ingredients like cinnamon and fennel to the dish. It smelled terrible and Lucas was almost certain there were some bits of egg shell in the mix as well, but he was too busy laughing at Eliott's excuses for the different additions to the sizzling pan.

“And then the fennel will create a nice mixture with the cinnamon because it'll bring a sweet and salty contrast,” Eliott was saying as he sprinkled the strange green plant into the eggs. “Should we add syrup? Do you have that? Or bacon maybe. That would be even more like breakfast,” Eliott continued, looking over his shoulder at Lucas who was simply watching in awe.

“We have honey somewhere,” Lucas suggested, opening and closing various cupboards in search of the bear shaped bottle.

“Oh, fuck, that's perfect!” Eliott exclaimed as Lucas presented the bottle. He squeezed a generous amount of honey into the pan, stirring the eggs all the while. “Too bad you don't have bacon. Next time we could make that. Or we can bake blueberry muffins with bacon! That would be delicious.”

Lucas shook his head, leaning over to turn off the stove with Eliott split the “PONI” onto two plates. Lucas took both of the plates and grabbed a couple of forks, carrying the plates over to the kitchen counter. Eliott was almost skipping behind him, hopping into the chair and grabbing a fork.

Lucas sniffed the strange meal and felt his stomach turn, gagging at the odd odour of eggs, cinnamon and honey. Wrinkling his nose Lucas said, “Okay, that smells awful, Eliott. We can't eat that.” He poked his fork into the eggs, already gagging.

“It'll be fine. On a count of three, we can both try it. I'm certain it will be delicious, trust me,” Eliott announced,already scooping a generous helping onto his fork. “One...two… three!”

It most certainly was not delicious.

In an instant, Lucas was sprinting over to the sink, coughing and spluttering the revolting food into the sink. Laughing, Eliott hurried over after him, spitting it out as well. Lucas continued to whine and gag as he turned on the sink, rinsing his mouth out. Tears pricked at his eyes at the foul taste, coughing water and leftover bits of egg into the basin.

“Remind me never to let you cook again,” Lucas breathed out, shutting the sink off and scowling at Eliott.

A few minutes later, Eliott was back in the chair with multiple clips here and there and Lucas was armed with the dye applicator. Gently, Lucas spread the freezing cold gel over Eliott's hair, careful not to miss a spot. Eliott's eyes were closed as he let Lucas apply the stuff onto his hair, chattering nonsensically all the while about whatever seemed to pop into his head.

“When I come to school tomorrow, what if, when everyone saw my new hair, everyone died? As if you were so good at dying my hair that everyone just lost it when they saw how good my hair looks and then I go to jail for manslaughter because it was technically my hair,” Eliott was rambling, letting Lucas comb his fingers through his locks to get extra dye off, “But then because of how good you were at dying my hair, everyone in the world wanted you to dye their hair. But then everyone starts dropping dead because you're so good at it and everyone is getting it dyed and so you finally go to jail for mass murder. But then you and I are in prison together and we escape thanks to a smuggler and we help smuggle drugs across the world on a giant boat.

“Everyone in the whole world is obviously freaking out about it because so many people have died and they're all afraid that now that you're out of prison, you'll want to dye everyone's hair again so that you can take over the world. And then you become this infamous criminal and we'll avoid everyone by just sailing the world forever and ever and we'll be on the news and everyone will talk about us, but then we'll get bored with sailing so much and we'll go back on land and discover that even more people have died because of your skills and you know what they'll call it?” Eliott glanced up through his lashes, beaming broadly. Lucas shook his head, dipping the applicator again. “It’ll be a full on hairpocalypse! Because it was my hair and your excellent dye skills that caused the apocalypse!”

Lucas chuckled, tilting Eliott's head to the side to get a better angle for the sides. He was almost finished now, furrowing his brows and biting his lip in concentration. “Do you think animals have feelings? I think they do. You can tell that cats and dogs have feelings, but do lizards have such complex emotions?” Eliott asked suddenly, flinching in surprise as Lucas poked his neck with the brush covered in the cool liquid. “Can chickens mourn? Do snakes get jealous? Do raccoons feel complex emotions? How do I not know that? What else? Can fish feel insecure about their scales?”

Lucas wheezed a laugh,shaking his head fondly. “I don't know how complex their emotions are, but I'm sure animals can feel at least a few,” Lucas replied, moving one of the clips over to get another strand of hair coloured. “Speaking of raccoons, have you got any idea about how you'd draw me? You know, if you're still thinking about that,” Lucas added.

“I am still thinking about it, actually. But I'm torn between a few animals,” Eliott replied, “But I won't tell you just yet. You'll just have to wait until I decide.”

“There, all done,” Lucas announced, dropping the brush into the pretty much empty bowl. “And please tell me soon about the drawing, I'm dyeing of curiosity.” Lucas raised his eyebrows, gesturing to the empty bowl and Eliott's head. He was proud to say Eliott promptly guffawed, clapping his hands together as he laughed at Lucas’ truly awful pun.

But it made Eliott laugh and that was all that mattered.

Another 20 minutes later, Eliott was leaning over the sink again while Lucas attempted to rinse out his hair using the strange hose thing. The black dye was flooding into the drain in rivulets as Lucas carefully helped to drench Eliott's hair and remove all the excess dye from it. Lucas massaged Eliott's scalp with one of his hands, trying to make sure the dye was all out.

“Okay, I think that's enough rinsing,” Eliott complained, pushing Lucas back and standing up straight again. He managed to splash Lucas in the face with his dripping wet hair, much to Eliott's delight. “Sorry! I'm like a wet dog!” he exclaimed as Lucas rolled his eyes.

Lucas used the towel around Eliott's neck to dry off Eliott's hair, rubbing it vigorously between his hands. Once it was mostly dried, Lucas tossed the towel onto the disgraced kitchen table and stepped back to admire his work.

Eliott seemed to be on the right track. He was drop dead gorgeous with his new hair. It was a startling contrast with his pale skin, making the blue of his eyes and the pink of his lips pop out like a 3D image. His hair was sticking up haphazardly after its clumsy drying method, but this only served to improve the overall look.

“Holy shit, Eliott. You look amazing,” Lucas breathed, eyes wide.

Eliott grinned, eyes sparkling at the compliment. “Where's the toilet, I wanna see in the mirror!” Eliott asked, already pushing past out of the kitchen. Lucas told him where to go and he followed him into the toilet where Eliott could admire his new colour. “Woah! That's me! I look totally different! Fuck!” Eliott squealed, running fingers through his hair and leaning closer to the mirror, grinning.

“Ooh! Can we see the new colour?” Mika's voice appeared on the other side of the door, followed by Manon's voice requesting the same. Eliott opened the door and stepped out into the corridor, pulling on Lucas’ hand. “Damn, kitten, that suits you!” Mika exclaimed, mussing up Eliott's hair.

Manon nodded, smiling. “It looks awesome! It really makes your eyes pop,” she commented.

Eliott blushed slightly at all the compliments, waving them all off with his hand. As Mika and Manon disappeared back into their respective rooms, Eliott leaned over and muttered right into Lucas’ ear, “I told you you were going to be brilliant at dying my hair.” Despite the completely innocent sentence, Lucas felt a chill all the way down his spine, shivering from the hot breath that washed over his ear and neck, Eliott’s lips just a centimetre away. When Eliott finally pulled back from Lucas, he was sporting a devilish grin, raising his eyebrows cheekily and running his fingers through his jet black locks. “Is there anything you can’t do?” Eliott asked with a wink.

Lucas’ jaw dropped and he sputtered pathetically for a reply. But all that came out was a breathy incoherent mess as if he became the physical embodiment of slamming his head on a computer. This only made Eliott laugh harder, grabbing his wrist and pulling him along the corridor. “My room is the last on the left,” Lucas muttered, allowing Eliott to guide him as usual.

“I like your room,” Eliott commented as they made their way inside. He walked over to Lucas’ shelf, skimming his fingers along the wooden panels and looking at the various photographs, DVDs and books he had set along the shelves. “Oh, wow! This is you and the gang! When was this taken?” Eliott asked, pointing excitedly at a photo Lucas had pinned to the side of him, Yann, Basile and Arthur.

“I think like six months ago? Maybe five? Not too long ago.”

Eliott beamed, running his hand over the shelf one last time before turning back around to face Lucas with an intensity that should have set Lucas on fire. It definitely did not help with his new hair, making each one of his perfect features stand out. Lucas opened his mouth to say something, anything before Eliott finally cut the distance between them and pulled Lucas into another kiss.

Lucas huffed in surprise, though he recovered quickly. Melting into the ferocity of the kiss, he let his hands wander over Eliott’s body, reveling in the smooth slide of their lips against each other and the fiery eruption in his gut when Eliott licked his bottom lip, asking for entrance. He felt Eliott pushing him towards his bedroom wall, never once pulling apart, hands gripping tightly to Lucas’ waist and tongue searching his mouth like it was trying to map it out in detail. Lucas felt Eliott lifting his shirt up cautiously and pulled away for the shortest of seconds so he could whip off his shirt, tossing it to the side for later.

Eliott laughed against his lips, teeth bumping into Lucas’ and hands searching the hills and valleys of Lucas’ body. Soon enough, both boys had their shirts and trousers off, leaving them in nothing but boxer shorts, still making out fervently against the wall. Lucas pushed Eliott back until he stumbled onto the bed, dragging Lucas along with him in a tangle of limbs. Lucas giggled, pulling away from Eliott to admire him in all his glory, thanking the universe for gifting him with such a beautiful man.

Soon after, they were a muddle of skin, limbs overlapping and intertwining, chests heaving and hearts pounding in unison. They were fireworks setting off on New Years, a burning flame that licked the sides of a house and setting the sky alight. They pushed and pulled, music notes playing a harmony of voices building up and up and up to a crescendo. With a last supernova that engulfed them both, they were left gasping for breath, looking up at the ceiling, entirely blissed out.

“Well that was something,” Lucas breathed, glancing sideways at the other lying next to him, eyes closed serenely.

Eliott nodded, opening his eyes and turning to look at him. “That was definitely something,” he replied just as breathlessly. “Am I your first?”

“First guy?”

Eliott nodded.  “Yeah. Yeah you are,” he replied, “Am I yours?” Eliott paused, raising his eyebrows suggestively, a soft smile beginning to appear. "I'll take that as a no, then," Lucas said with a laugh, rolling his eyes.

Lucas yawned, looking over at the clock on his bedside table, shocked to see it was already almost nine. "I'll be right back. I have to pee," he mumbled through another yawn, carefully stumbling out of bed and pulling on a pair of boxers from the ground and picking up his discarded hoodie.

Lucas leaned over the sink once he was finished, staring at his face in the mirror. Sometimes, it hit him how he was actually a real, living, breathing person. He never thought about that stuff, really, but when he did, it always left him with a strange sensation. He poked at a spot on his cheek and then with a great sigh, he turned off the bathroom light and headed back to his bedroom.

His bedroom which was alarmingly empty.

"Eliott?" he called, eyebrows knitted as he looked around. "Eliott, where are you?" He wandered around the flat, stepping into the living room and kitchen, both of which were just as empty. "Eliott? Hello? Eliott!" he called out, walking back down the hall to his bedroom. He surveyed the room and found that Eliott's clothes were gone, except for his big black hoodie, which was still discarded in a bundle by the door.

"What the fuck?" Lucas muttered in horror, prying on his jeans from earlier and marching into Mika's room, breathing faster every moment. "Mika, have you seen Eliott?" he asked, running his hands through his hair.

Mika, who was sitting on his bed, scrolling through his phone, looked up curiously. "Not since his big reveal, no. Why?" he replied, barely looking up from his phone.

Lucas groaned, hurrying into Manon's room across the hall. Still no luck.

Eliott was gone. Without warning, he had disappeared, fading from Lucas' grasp and leaving him with nothing but a discarded hoodie and a messy kitchen.

[rontra]

hi! i really want to get into Umineko, but i was just wondering about some of the content warnings? like, specifically, what the level of gore and body horror is. thank you in advance!!

Hmmm! I’m gonna put this post under a cut just in case, but if anyone messages me off anon about content stuff I’ll reply to u privately (or u can DM me here or on @aceyasu​ or on twitter).

I wasn’t able to truly answer this question in full detail (IMO) because I wasn’t sure what medium you’re interested in and how much you’re comfortable hearing about from this one ask, so please feel free to message me again for elaborations!

I would set the gore as pretty High thanks to specific scenes but it depends what you’re sensitive to! I think like, for gore-by-volume (GBV by the institute of rontra), it’s not like Constant Back To Back, but when it does go in it can get pretty gory for sure!!

If you’re reading the VN it’s only text descriptions, which I know lessens it for a lot of people (obviously the manga has to draw it), but it can still be a lot for sure xD It really depends on if you’re more sensitive to “visual” gore or “conceptual” gore, i guess….that’s different for everyone.

It’s a murder game with Way Much murder in it and a lot of the violence is on like…a fantastical scale, so the resulting gore sometimes peaks into fantastical as well…

Generally speaking in the visual novel it uses one of three like, “generic Blood Splash Background” images that are just like, a wash of drawn blood, but the described violence can get very vivid and detailed, so if you’re squeamish about reading descriptions of gore you should take care!

The manga definitely gets pretty detailed in its drawn gore.

Also, if you’re playing the VN with the PS3 graphics patch applied, there are CGs for certain scenes that include blood; they’re usually discretion shots that don’t really show you the main injury, but you do see blood on and around the characters in most of them.

(The old anime TV rips were mosaic censored for broadcast, so it depends what version rips you’re watching, lol)

It’s kind of difficult for me to ascribe an accurate scale of gore without like, actually describing things that might gross you out? You see my dilemma here where I don’t wanna spring things on you like that but simultaneously have to give an answer xD

I don’t really know where you personally have to tap out, so I don’t know how detailed to go. You know? Feel free to get back to me though!

It definitely runs its gradient up and down seemingly at random (OR IS IT?) with regard to how violent the gore is, so it’s not ALL top shelf, but it does dip its toes into some really icky territory for me personally sometimes LOL

I guess my last ditch effort will be clinical keywords…!!! This is the end of the post, so if you think you’re good, you can stop reading it now.

this isn’t gonna be like a detailed list of every death in umineko i’m just trying to think of the most notable elements that spring to mind :p

Let’s see, um…(counting on fingers)

knife type injuriesgun type injuriesshotgun blast type injurieshigh fall type injuriescrushingburninggrievous trauma to the head and skullfacial disfiguration of a corpsegeneral misconductdisembowelment(magical violence ascends into places unattainable by humans but that stuff doesn’t really get to me because it’s not like, “realistic”? still, YMMV, and if a witch can disintegrate your body with her awesome magic it probably counts as a type of gore :thinking: )being torn apart/eaten alive (by demons, no less) various combinations of the above (and various degrees)

one grievance rarely comes alone, huh…Ah…

i might be forgetting something, but if i did it likely didn’t reach the level of “disembowelment” in squick (for me personally), so in the interest of keeping this post short we’ll nail my hat there and call that a gradient xD

[ephemerational]

Inertia (I)

At this point, I fear that the fever is never gonna go away, that I will spend the, likely relatively short, rest of my existence in this bed, unable to move a muscle, burning and freezing at the same time and that I am in fact currently in the process of dying.

This thought, that my life is, like that of all creatures, finite, not in some weird, vague, metaphysical sense, but actually finite in the sense that it is tonally, definitely gonna end and that there is nothing I could reasonably do to make that not be the case, had, up to this very moment, never occurred to me, and I hope that it will never occur to me again, as it scares the living shit out of me, now that I am thinking about it.

A problem presents itself: Not thinking about the thing you are currently experiencing, when there is literally nothing you are physically capable of doing aside from thinking, is really fucking difficult, if not impossible. At least for the industrial-scale-toxic-chemical-waste-dump I spent the last couple of hours turning my brain into for some retarded reason. It might have been yesterday, actually. It may very well have been a damn week ago. The ceiling of my room, the thing I am involuntarily staring at, unable to turn my head, is illuminated by the bright, natural light of noon, the same as when I lay down here, though I doubt I would remember, had there been a night or more in between. My brain is shit and so am I. A little bit of divine punishment, I would understand, but this torturous bullcrap is cruel and unusual by any metric, downright fucking unethical. I guess don’t take five Adderall when you’re blackout drunk, kids. Who would have known that was on god’s list of things you shouldn’t do if you don’t want to be banished to hell on fucking earth.

Come to think of it, those tablets must have been four years old, at the very least. Does medicine expire? Fuck, I’m pretty sure medicine expires, and not in the “we want to sell you more shit”-way, but the really fucking dangerous, in fact actually lethal way. There it is again, the fear of death. I was doing so well. Fuck. Maybe I can get up, just out of the bed, just collapse on the floor so they won’t think I’m sleeping, so they’ll call an ambulance. Get up. Get up. Get up! GET UP! JUST PLEASE GET THE FUCK UP!!

My torso jolts upright, and I suck in two lungs full of oxygen, realizing that breathing was apparently something I hadn’t been doing for a short while.

The guy on the other side of the room looks up from his laptop, obviously startled by my sudden return to the realm of the living.

“Don’t you have a job interview?”

“Don’t you care that I almost kicked the fucking bucket just now?”

“I didn’t even notice that you were in the room, dude. Don’t tell me you’re doing heroin or something”

“God no, I just tried to sober up for the interview. What time is it?”

“Like an hour too late, sorry. Actually, I’m not, this is totally your fault. You knew it was today and getting sloshed in the a.m. is a pretty stupid thing to do just in general, like even by your standards.”

“Oh, spare me the lecture, or I’ll tell dad that this isn’t working”

“Okay, okay, understood. I’ll take a walk, see you later.”

Lloyd thankfully did a passable job at reading the mood and fucked off on one of his weird three to four hour walks (like who does that?). Maybe he’s stalking someone, seems like a thing he’d be into. Off-kilter fucking guy, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised.

At least he’s quiet, I don’t mind having him live in my room. He’s out of the house long enough for me to do things I don’t want him in the room for and when he’s here I can bounce thoughts off him. Maybe he cleans sometimes. I’m not sure.

Doesn’t matter. Getting something to eat has priority. The Horrortrip only lasted three hours, rather than a few days but I’m starving anyway. Kind of a shame actually, would have been a cool anecdote. Mind altering drugs, am I right? Bought that shit four years ago from a friend (Max or Marc or something) to cram for finals. Should probably throw it in the trash, so I won’t get any dumb ideas in an intoxicated state, which is a lot of the time, let’s face it.

Ah Fuck. Dad’s sitting in kitchen, indulging in some delicious looking shit. Can’t let him see me, not being at the interview he set up and all. Stealthy retreat.

There’s probably some foodstuff stashed in Lo’s room. I knock. The only thing that can’t be found in my brother’s room is Lo himself. 90% of the time he’s not here and the other 10% he brings so many people that he’s impossible to spot him. For someone I have spent my entire life with he sure is absolutely fucking incomprehensible. How did he manage to grow up alright? Like an actual functional human being? Didn’t we have the same parents and shit? Fuck this! The Wardrobe opens with far less creaking than one would assume from the looks of it and below the neatly organized shirts there is a similarly neat row of wine bottles and a tower of various salty snacks, far too perfectly compact to have been built by someone who hasn’t managed to beat me in Tetris once. I rip open a bag and start stuffing ham flavored chips into my mouth. I don’t think I’m a wine guy, never really gotten into it, but it’s been a while since the last time I had some, and this seems like the kind of day to get into something, especially when it’s the only easily accessible fluid to wash down the disgusting taste of oil and fake bullshit artificial meat flavor. I take a swig. It’s sour and clings to the tongue, better than I remember wine to taste like, but objectively worse than beer or hard liquor. My hands tear another bag open as though on autopilot, peanut puffs this time.

The cycle repeats with the wine getting better the more I pour down the garbage chute that is my throat. The party food gets worse, but not bad enough to stop eating it. I won’t stop until it’s gone. That became the plan like a bag ago, not that I’m still hungry, I feel sick actually, but at this point it’s easier to just keep going. I could just eat everything, all that even slightly exists, rip it apart, dismantle it on an atomic level and wolf it down, devour it like a fucking hound. Like the biggest of dogs. The biggest possible dog. A thought pops into my head: how big would the biggest possible dog even be? Like, bigger than the biggest currently existing dog definitely. That would be incredibly unlikely: to have hit the maximum by accident. Things can only get a certain size, something about cubes and mass and shit. That’s where the research money should go, breed them until we have the largest physically possible doggo, so we could ride them, replace cars with a bunch of insanely good boys. Do they die once their size exceeds a certain point? That would make the whole pursuit kind of unethical and animal rights activist attack prone. Might not even apply to dogs, they aren’t particularly squarey after all. Maybe it’s a definitional thing: That dogs could be infinitely large, but at some point it would stop being sensible to call them dogs. If there was a galaxy sized dog shaped thing, I don’t think I’d call it a dog. It has transcended doghood and so have I. Tremble before my might for I have consumed everything. Close to everything. Four bottles and seven bags deep. It’s over. There are still ten-something wines left, but not knowing how much they cost, it seems risky to drink more. Instead lying down and trying not to throw up appears to be the responsible course of action.

“The fuck did you do?”

The ghostly pale, cloaked figure of a boy, wrapped in a blanket and not wearing anything else by the looks of it, stands over me. The tone of his voice indicating sincere curiosity.

“Almost killed myself, missed a thing and plundered the good one's apocalypse stash, all the while hiding from the authorities. They call me the chips-bandit. You?”

“Pretty much the same tbh… Anything left?”

“Wine, the rest was mercilessly devoured by the ruthless criminal I have become.”

“Argh, shit.”

“Why?”

“I’m kind of starving and the ancient one is guarding the kitchen”

“Yeah, I know. Skipping school?”

“Do you even have to ask?”

The less estranged of my two brothers scratches his neck, a nervous habit of his, that got so out of hand sometimes, that it, in combination with his general appearance, made him seem like a crack addict going through withdrawal.

“I got a commission yesterday. Some rich Swedish kid offering me 300 for a pic of his OC engaging in not-all-that-safe-for-work kinds of activities. Please don’t ask what exactly. So there really wasn’t time for compulsory education.”

“Sick dude! You might actually make it if you keep going like this”

“Don’t really have a choice. If this can’t keep me alive by graduation I’ll just fucking off myself. I’ll accept failure like a man, become a modern samurai by first becoming like fucking human yakitori.”

It baffles me that Jerald even managed to go to school on most days, being cripplingly scared of practically everything outside his room and more neurotic than should even be possible. Dude’s a fucking train wreck. If his art wasn’t able to support his continued existence, he would either have to find a normal job, or explain to dad why he can’t, both of which, he had decided two years ago are fates far worse than death could possibly be. Mom had remarked on a few occasions that he drew like his life depended on it, blissfully unaware of the fact that it genuinely kind of did.

“Could you like leave out the references when you say dark shit like that? Stylistic clash gives me the howling fantods.”

“And when was the last time you did that?”

“Act as I say, not as I do.”

The sound of the front door opening interrupts our conversation.

“Dad leaving or Lo returning?”

No one ever heard Lloyd coming or going, so that wasn’t even worth considering. Also supported my stalker theory.

“Latter’s unlikely, seeing how the sun’s still up”

“Sure, but do you really wanna risk it?”

“We could “risk it”… Or we could not be complete idiots and look out the window.”

Jerald decides to go with my cunning plan, stealing a look at, what was, judging by his response, the ancient one.

“Today my friends, we feast.”

“I don’t think I’m ready to get up and embark on any kind of arduous journey to the bountiful land of real, non-terrible food.”

“Your loss, dude.”

With that he leaves, and I once again lie alone on my brother’s carpet, covered in chips dust. Taking a good hard look at the circumstances that led me here and the backside of my eyelids. I fall asleep.

[shorilicious]

Sexy Zone - Back to the 19XX’s

Kento x Fuma crosstalk Kento: There are countless things that are handsome about Kikuchi. First, I can tell by looking at his body since I’m strict with my own too. Because I control my diet properly. Fuma: I’m not really aware of it since it almost became a habit. Kento: That’s the habit of a handsome guy! I’m the type who even eats at night without thinking about it. I want to get rid of those bad habits~ Fuma: Nakajima also has parts about him that are stoic. Your character is stable and you’re not the type to give in to everything after all. Kento: Surely I also have a poser part about myself as well but personally I’m of stable value when it comes to my premises, so I’m happy that you can see that part about me. Fuma: Your facial expressions are great as well. You can look cute with a smile and you can also do cool expressions. Your amplitude is really strong. Kento: Thank you for your producer-like comment (laughing). I’m talking about the handsome points on the outside though. From now on I will continue to stretch my face. Which reminds me, this tour I did it during the interlude of „With you“. When there was a scene where we faced each other at the same time, I saw the face of a handsome guy (laughing). There were days when our eyes met and when they didn’t meet but when they met, no matter who would be looking, I thought they would definitely fall in love. Maybe I’m the only one who didn’t fall in love. Because I am able to control myself (laughing). Fuma: You controlled yourself? That’s surprising (laughing). Since „With you“ is an important song, I tried reproducing the mood of that time so I simulated it diligently. At that time, I put emphasis on matching our movements, so right now there’s also a subtle difference between the number of moves. I got a little impatient, so at times like that our eyes met. Despite having a cool base, remembering that cool, stimulating performance, it turned out interesting... Kento: I laughed in the end (laughing).

Shori x Marius x Sou crosstalk Shori: I think the handsome point about Marius is that he’s good at languages! When he’s talking on the phone, he mixes English and German so well. Sou: Right! I often hear it. Marius: Then the handsome point about you two is that you’re fluent in Japanese~ Shori: I see (laughing). Well, I’m next then. I’m handsome, right (laughing)? Marius: Shori-kun is really handsome. As the centre of Sexy Zone you carry us with you. Sou: Also you went to England by yourself and you have the ability to take action. Because that’s something I don’t have, I think it’s really amazing. Shori: I’m happy you are saying that! Sou is really kind and gentle. To be pleased with others like I am with myself, I can’t do that easily. Sou: Because for me that’s normal! Shori: That’s an amazing thing to say! Marius: Sou-chan is a diligent worker. Just by being there, the atmosphere of the workplace already becomes brighter! Since you have a special power, as a friend, as a rival, as a shinme, I’m forever indebted to you (laughing). Sou: Thank you (laughing). But I’m still in the middle of seeking something~ Shori: Recently, did you witness any handsome acts from the members? Sou: When we went to Hokkaido for the tour, it looked like I felt cold so Shori said “Wanna drink?” while offering me a hot drink that he was drinking before. Shori: That was only because there was some left (laughing)! Sou: I should have kept that to myself (laughing). Marius: A handsome part about Sou-chan is that he likes wearing trendy clothes. Sou: I guess (laughing)? Using each trend, your character comes out pretty well. Shori: For Marius it’s that you’re cool while balancing your studies and your work. Even if you’re busy from now do your best!

佐藤勝利 A girl I will fall in love with: - has a good personality - is mature - can cook - likes me - likes Popolo (laughing) A person who sincerely loves me would be good. Since I want to love sincerely too. So she has to have a good character and she must be a kind and gentle girl! When it comes to clothing, I like a mature, simple look. You don’t have to cook for me but I would be pleased if you do so (laughing). As for liking Popolo, I want you to understand my job as an idol!

Q1. When do you think you became an adult? I think when I turned 20 years old. Of course, coming of age doesn’t mean you’re an adult! But when I applied for a membership card (t/n: e.g credit card) I didn’t need my parents signature so that’s why I felt that way (laughing). After turning 20, I won’t call my parents „my guardians“ or „my parental authority“ anymore. I also noticed these changes!

Q2. What would you like to do if you were able to live in the past? In the past, I wonder if the sea has been more beautiful. Along with the development of humanity, nature is somehow going extinct. Although the changing of the modern sea is inevitable, if I can I would like to travel through time and bring clean sea water from that time to our present! Pull out the stopper of the current Tokyo Bay and put clean water in. It’s like a fairytale (laughing).

Q3. What simple question would you like to ask a girl who likes you? „What kind of clothes would you like me to wear?“ I think that there is a difference between my favourite clothes and my partner’s favourite clothes they would like to see. I think the problem is how to make it work out. I want to wear my favourite clothes but I also want to incorporate my partner’s likings... Where should we compromise (laughing)? Obviously it’s okay to wear clothes that don’t suit me once in a while.

松島聡 A girl I will fall in love with: - can cook - loves animals - doesn’t lie - cherishes her work - cherishes her friends My major premise is that we don’t lie to each other! About cooking, I would be happy if you make me breakfast and a bento. I also want to make you some on special days. About cherishing work and friends, I don’t want you to always put your lover first, I want you to communicate with others too. I want to take a walk together with you while walking our dogs!

Q1. When do you think you became an adult? If there has been a moment when I have decided that before, I would proceed to talk about it in one go. But since around last year, I began to think calmly once. I think I’m always impatient. Other people often tell me that. I realised that there’s no need to be impatient. If I keep calm while dealing with things, I can succeed properly. I haven’t achieved it yet though (laughing).

Q2. What would you like to do if you were able to live in the past? If I could become a girl, I would like to be a maiko (t/n: an apprentice geisha). Dancing while dressed in a kimono, having painted white makeup and using decent language, I think that’s nice~. I was impressed by the world of maikos while watching a documentary about them. They’re not only beautiful, they’re strict with their manners and they do their best at their dancing lessons. If I became a maiko, my name would be „Shinshin“.

Q3. What simple question would you like to ask a girl who likes you? „What do you think of muscles on a guy?“ Recently I was thinking about doing some training but I’m not sure how much muscles I should put on. I wonder if girls like a muscular body? How about a slender but muscular body? For me, I don’t like a slender but muscular body. If I do it, I would like to put on firm muscles but I’m not sure if being muscular will suit me... I would like to ask a girl’s opinion on this. What do you like?

マリウス葉 A girl I will fall in love with: - be yourself - be kind and gentle - have various interests - have a bright character - be hardworking Without changing your attitude in front of people, I will be drawn to someone who keeps their confidence. If you have many interests I will want to get to know them and because I also have my beliefs, we can get to know each other. If you’re a positive, bright and hardworking person, it will be fun to spend my time talking with you.

Q1. When do you think you became an adult? When I talk to my friends about university choices, I realise I’m already a senior in high school and that’s when I think I became an adult. Talking about how we want to spend our lives while everyone is gathered together, I realise that everyone has a dream and it motivates me. That’s why I feel like I want to treasure my present time spent with friends more and more.

Q2. What would you like to do if you were able to live in the past? Because modern people are too busy, I would like to experience the past life when time was going by in a more relaxing flow. In a time when children spent more time outside playing and we had more of nature than we do now. So for example, creating monuments with stones, I would like to feel the joy of producing something in an era where we don’t just have things overflowing us. Q3. What simple question would you like to ask a girl who likes you? „What do you like about me?“ Because I worry, I think about „I wonder what people around me think of me“. I think the impression that others have about me is important after all. Because for example, if there is something about me that I’m aware of, but unexpectedly it isn’t seen by others, it’s interesting to discover such things. This way I can review and improve myself.

菊池風磨 A girl I will fall in love with: - her common sense has to match with mine - supports me as her man - a shy but obedient person - is reasonable and honest - have a cute smile It may sound old-fashioned but I want you to have common sense because I want to introduce you to my family and friends. Also, because I grew up watching my grandma always supporting my grandpa behind his back, I would adore a woman like that. While sticking through with the things you decide diligently and having a part where you depend on me, it would be great if you show me your cute smile!

Q1. When do you think you became an adult? There are a lot of things I can feel and see about myself when I see the behaviour of my friends around me. Celebrating my friends getting jobs and getting married or the time when my friend was driving his car for the first time, I think that I realised it in a year like that. Probably I still haven’t experienced various things but maybe I’ll need to be 30 or 40 years old to feel growth within myself.

Q2. What would you like to do if you were able to live in the past? My dad often tells me that he went to the mountains and played by a river when he was little. It seems that he did that every day, so I think I also want to experience that. I think it’s valuable to have nature right by your side. Of course my dad’s house wasn’t in the city, but even in a place like this it seems like there is less nature around us than it used to be in the past.

Q3. What simple question would you like to ask a girl who likes you? “What part about me do you like?” I want to know since I have high ideals about the opposite sex in many ways as well. I guess I have my dreams about girls too (laughing). The girl who likes me, I want to know which part about me she appreciates. Whether she can be happy together with me, of course I want to know the points about me that make her happy.

中島健人 A girl I will fall in love with: - laughs often - matches my own mood - is able to talk about deep topics - lets me tease her - likes me as a person Generally speaking, I want you to affirm my personality and recognise the things I do. As you see, if we go out, I’m a person who might be feeling down sometimes (laughing), so you must be a person to match my mood. While treating me lightly during times like that, I think it might feel like fate if we’re able to tease each other without judgement.

Q1. When do you think you became an adult? I guess when I stopped crying after finishing shooting a movie or a drama. Because I’m grateful when I get to play a leading role, even when my own shooting is over and my coactors still have scenes to shoot, I think there isn’t a scene when I cry. During that time, I became touched emotionally but I think was able to control myself and I got stronger.

Q2. What would you like to do if you were able to live in the past? Having a perm hairstyle like Matsuda Yusaku-san in the drama „Tantei Monogatari“ I want to ride a foreign-made scooter through the metropolitan area. There’s a scene in the drama where they have a toast with a bottle of coke, even that is something I really long for~ Even drinking the familiar coke from a bottle instead of a can feels refreshing and it looks very tasty.  

Q3. What simple question would you like to ask a girl who likes you? „Do you know that I’m a normal guy?“ Being „an idol“ or „a prince“ are just various synonyms that are attached to a transient world that I’m existing in apart, that’s what people often think they see about me, but I want to tell you that surprisingly there’s no such thing. For example even if you think that, I would still say something like „Even if I remember having left that transient world, I don’t ever remember leaving from you“.

Keep in mind I am not a native speaker therefore there might be mistakes in my translations. Also I’m not exactly translating word for word. Feel free to correct me in my ask box any time you want, I’d appreciate it! I apologize if someone already translated something before me and I didn’t notice, I hope you don’t mind.

Credit goes to yoshiko_mama @ LJ for the scans, thank you!