#of course I choose them simply to get the lore but I often have Edan swear to get revenge for him afterwards

[sweetmage]

⚠️Trigger Warning: Vaguely Implied/Referenced Past SA (undescribed)

▫️Tags: Trauma, Angst, Strained Friendships, Arguments

▫️Characters: Ser Roderick Gilmore, Edan Cousland, Arl Rendon Howe (referenced)

▫️Word Count: 914

▫️Summary: Sinking deeper into the all-consuming spiral of vengeance, Edan Cousland desired nothing more than to see Howe pay for the pain he and his men inflicted on the people of castle Cousland, including his dearest friend Roderick. However, in his quest to keep the flames of his rage alive, sometimes the very person he hoped to help and avenge becomes collateral.

⭐Read On AO3! (Or under the cut!)

"You know, you make that face a lot," Edan remarked as he approached Roderick near the campfire, his eyes tracing the hard set lines between his furrowed brow, the sharp, downward slope of his thin-pressed lips.

Roderick snapped to attention as though suddenly awoken from a trance. "And what face would that be?"

"Like you've just tasted sour meat or something," Edan responded, plopping down beside him on the strewn-out blanket, stretching his legs and leaning back on his hands. "I take it something's on your mind?"

He shrugged. "You could say that."

"And would you say?" Edan asked, gazing at him while he stared vacantly off into the distance. "Care to discuss?"

"Not particularly, no."

"Hm, well alright then... In that case, I think I have an inkling. Rest assured my friend, your suffering will not go unavenged. When the time is right, we will face that slimy bastard together and—"

Sighing forcefully, Roderick waved off his valiant speech. "Right, right... Howe, I get it. In due time, my Lord, in due time."

Edan fell silent, watching him for a moment in the firelight. He looked positively miserable, dark circles under those hollow, rheumy eyes of his, all pale skin and sunken cheeks.

"Everything alright, my Lord?" Roderick spoke after an uncomfortably long silence. "You look like you want to ask me something."

"Oh, how observant! As a matter of fact, there was something I was wondering about..."

Roderick didn't turn, but his eyes drifted in Edan's direction, urging him to continue.

"I heard you didn't sleep soundly last night. That is, I heard it. You sounded very distressed, I almost thought to tear my way into your tent to check on you but I feared frightening you more.” He scratched at the back of his head, gathering himself for a moment before he dared to continue.  “It was hard to make out all of it, but you spoke of a few things… some things you haven’t yet told me." Edan leaned forward slightly, his expression grim. "Would you care to tell me any further details? Might that help ease your troubles?"

Roderick shook himself free of another memory, face contorted into something unreadable. "I've spoken as much of my ordeal as I am able to."

"And yet there's still so much I don't know," Edan continued, voice softening ever-so-slightly. "I cannot imagine what could be worse than what you've already imparted upon me."

"For your own sake, I'd recommend you don't try. There are cruelties in this world no man should know, even in their imagination. You should be thankful for that, my Lord."

He waved away the sentiment with a flick of his hand. "I don't need to be spared. You lived it and you're still standing, I think I could handle a simple recounting of the events."

Roderick's posture stiffened as if pulled taut by a string while his expression fell sullen. He turned away from Edan completely, glaring into the surrounding darkness, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Through gritted teeth, he replied, "I don't see what you could possibly gain from knowing the ins and outs of how they humiliated and defiled me. Must I recount every detail of my torment?"

"Defiled?" He asked, unnerved by his choice of words and what they unfortunately confirmed. "So what I overheard while you were dreaming... Rory, I'm so sorry..."

"Are you really?" he bit back. "This was what you wanted to hear, was it not? Has that information satisfied you?"

"No!" Edan was so tremendously appalled that he could hardly get the word out. "How could I ever be satisfied knowing my dearest friend has faced something so dreadful, so inhumane... I'm sickened if anything." And enraged beyond that. Another tally against Howe, another reason he wished to see him shredded to ribbons, knowing even an ounce of the pain he had inflicted on the poor people of castle Cousland, on his beloved family, on Rory...

"Huh, that’s funny," Roderick retorted, lips curled into a sneer. "For someone so disgusted you sure seek it out like a maid in the market seeks gossip. I think there are more pressing matters ahead of us like, oh I don't know, the darkspawn? Perhaps you should focus on that instead."

Wincing at Roderick's icy tone, Edan took a deep breath before continuing. "Alright then, perhaps I've pushed too far."

"Perhaps you have," he agreed curtly.

"And... I'm sorry," Edan spoke softly, though he quickly added, "But can you really blame me? The thought that you, you of all people , suffered such great horrors at the hands of that... that monster .... it boils my blood. The more I learn about what Howe and his wretched men did to you, the more I wish to see them suffer. To make those sick, sorry bastards pay for what they've done. And they will pay." He was lost in his own head now, bringing his fist down into his open palm as he swore to his ideals. Roderick went quiet again, staring off into the distant forest with a pained expression. "If you'll excuse me," he said, his voice just above a whisper. "I think I need to be alone for a while." Rising swiftly to his feet, he shambled off towards his tent without a single look back.

Edan could only watch as he left, confused and concerned at his abrupt departure, but more certain now than he'd ever been about what he must do.