#oh also the title is from bohemian rhapsody because obviously

[ladyhistorypod]

Episode 7: We’re Not Calling This Episode “Yas Queen”

Sources:

Catherine the Great

History Channel

Britannica

Further Reading: The Memoirs of Catherine the Great, Treasures of Catherine the Great

Queen Amina

BBC

Guardian

Encyclopedia (dot) com

WorldCat

DW

Further Reading: Black History Activity Book

Boudicca

Imperial War Memorials (no sense of irony)

Live Science

History Channel

Attributions: “Korobushka”, “Be Africa”, “Celtic Warrior”, Fanfare, 

Click below for a full text transcript of today’s episode!

Haley: So this happened to me like sophomore year GW and I was in the Intro to Biological Anthropology lab sections so we were–

Alana: We were in that class together. We were in a lecture together, we didn’t have the same lab but we were in that lecture together.

Haley: Yes, yes that's correct. I was like you were definitely not in this lab. But I was sitting across from this girl… I hate the word ditsy, but that's literally what she used to describe herself. Like her friend and her were obviously taking this together and she's like– there were so many times that they were like “you're ditsy” and the girl was like “I know I am.” Well we were just talking about where we're from and I was like “oh I grew up in New York, like I'm from New York, Westchester.” So she goes “oh, so like Manhattan?” and I'm like “no I'm not from New York City” like trying to do that “ugh I have to describe what Westchester is.” But then the girl who called herself ditsy was like “oh I love Manhattan, but like everyone says New York City is so big and it's really not that big.” And I kind of looked at her and I was like “wait do you think Manhattan is like the whole city? You know there's five boroughs.” New York City's pretty big, like when we say like Westchester, New York; Westchester New York pretty much lines up with New York City because you hit the Bronx and that's like one of the five boroughs and if it's not I'm really embarrassed I live in San Francisco now so like don't come at me.

Lexi: No, the Bronx is definitely a borough of New York City.

Haley: I saw like Alana’s face and I was like I– I know Bronx is in it, I used to live in the Bronx but she was just like “what? Boroughs?” And I was like “yeah. Bronx, Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens…” And she was like “no it's called Kings.” And I was like [laughing] what? I like– it’s bringing me back like– tears to my eyes and I go “no it's Queens.” And she was like “whoa. But the show's called King of Queens so like... it's called Kings.” And I was like “wait, what?”

Lexi: Wait. She so hard didn't get the joke, even though the joke was in the title?

Haley: Yeah.

Lexi: The name of the place was in the title.

Haley: Yeah so like I don't know where the translation was lost for her. I don't even remember where she was from but she couldn't understand that it was just called Queens. She thought it was like King of Queens or Kings. The “Kings” had to be included somewhere it couldn’t just be Queens and I was like “it's Queens I– like– ugh”

Alana: I’m never calling myself a dumbass again. I need a calculator to do eight plus five. I gotta double check that. I'm never calling myself a dumbass ever again.

Lexi: But have you been to Queens? Because Queens might be my favorite borough.

Alana: I've never been to Queens, no.

Haley: I like Brooklyn.

Lexi: Okay. That's valid.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Alana: Hello and welcome to Lady History: the good, the bad, and the ugly ladies you missed in history class. By the grace of Zoom I'm joined by Lexi. Lexi, if you had invented chess what would you have the queen do?

Lexi: Oh man. So see, I'm gonna be honest, I'm not familiar with chess, and I never played a game of chess. So if I invented chess it would be a completely different game because to me chess is so boring that even when my little brother who was adorable was like “please learn chess. Please play with me” I was like I don't want to play this, it’s boring. So I would have invented a game where the queen would have probably educated the poor and also taken care of art and culture in the community and opened a museum and taken care of all the animals and protected women... and that would be the game.

Alana: I want to play that game. I don't want to play chess ever again; I want to play that game. Chess is canceled, we're playing whatever game Lexi invented. And through the magic of wifi I am also here with Haley. Haley, what's your favorite Queen song?

Haley: I want to say “Bohemian Rhapsody” and I know that's like really basic–

Alana: You basic bitch.

Haley: I have a reason. I am horrible at remembering song lyrics and it's the only song except “My Humps” from the Black Eyed Peas that I know every single word to and I can like sing on command.

Alana: Oh my– I’m speechless. That’s incredible. And I'm Alana and my favorite drag queen is Miz Cracker.

Lexi: You should’ve asked me that question.

Alana: I thought about it but then I wanted to say that my favorite drag queen was Miz Cracker.

Lexi: I wouldn’t have said Miz Cracker I would’ve said Kim Chi.

Alana: You would have said Kim Chi, and I wanted to say mine, and we couldn't have had the same question.

Lexi: The only wrong answer is RuPaul.

Alana: That's true. [laughing] That’s true.

Lexi: It’s kind of like saying your favorite Queen song is “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Alana: is “Bohemian Rhapsody”!

Haley: Yeah but I know all the words to it and I'm really proud of myself for it. It's basic, but that's just like my win in life.

Lexi: I know but that joke was just right there and I had to take it.

Alana: It was really good. Lexi please when you edit this, leave that joke in.

Lexi: This week we will be talking about, you guessed it, queens. The queen I will be talking about is not technically a queen I guess. Technically she is an empress and in later generations they referred to the role which she had as “czarina” but during her time, her lifetime, the term “czarina” was not used, so she would just be called an empress. I would like to give a disclaimer, which is the same disclaimer we seem to give all the time: I do not speak Chinese. Just kidding, that's not– that's not what I'm disclaimer-ing. I do not speak Russian. So I'm trying very hard here, but these pronunciations are going to be a little wonky because Russian is very far out of my wheelhouse in terms of language knowledge. So you guys have probably heard of Catherine the Great, but did you know that Catherine the Great wasn't even named Catherine and she wasn't even Russian?

Alana: I did know she wasn’t Russian and I knew she wasn't Russian because I watched The Great on Hulu.

Lexi: Yes! Yes! The Great on Hulu! We're going to get that. I promise we're going to get to that. I just got so excited. And that is the reason I picked Catherine the Great, is that show. But we'll get to that. On May 2, 1729, Catherine was born Sophie Friederike Auguste Princess von Anhalt-Zerbst-Dornburg. I think I got that right–

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: –but I also don't... I don't also... I also don't speak German–

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: –which is her native language.

Alana: Zerbst!

Lexi: Yeah it’s Zerbst.

Alana: I love that. Call me Zerbst! [Lexi laughing] I’m changing my name, I’m Zerbst. We have Haley, aka SprinkleBear McPuss-n-Boots… and Alana, aka, Zerbst.

Lexi: Yeah. That's good I accept that. So if you would like to contact Alana on the social media, please direct the messages to Zerbst. So yeah, Catherine– or, well, Sophie– Sophie was the daughter of a poor Prussian prince, and in Prussia there were many prince people who all had principalities, so he wasn't like the prince of Prussia.

Alana: Hey. Hey Lexi? Where’s Prussia?

Lexi: Prussia is what Germany used to be. So there were lots of princes in Prussia, and so she was the daughter of a poor one. And on her mother's side, she was related to the Holsteins who were rich Prussian royalty. They were like ruling elite in Prussia. And for most of her youth, her mother scolded her for being headstrong and rebellious and a bit outlandish for a girl and for not necessarily being ladylike. And in 1744, the young princess was hand selected by Empress Elizabeth, the unmarried ruler of Russia and the daughter of Peter the Great. And Peter the Great was very very popular. He was very well loved in Russia so this was a really big deal. And Elizabeth picked Catherine to marry her nephew and he was the heir because she did not have any children so she appointed her nephew heir. His name was Karl Ulrich and he was also of Holstein descent, so from the same German, but at the time Prussian, so… Prussian lineage, but we would call it German now. And Karl Ulrich was set to become the ruler of Russia after Elizabeth's death and his name when he became Russian ruler would be Grand Duke Peter III. Because apparently, in Russia, you don't keep your name when you become a ruler, you get like a new name… I don't fully understand that, maybe someone who's an expert in this could tell me more about it, but yeah, you get a new name. So he was going to become Peter III. And because the core religion of Russia was Orthodox Christianity, young Sophie had to be baptized into Russian Orthodox Christianity, into that church, in order to be the wife of the... Karl Ulrich guy. So as part of her baptism, she was given the name Grand Duchess Ekaterina Alekseyevna. Again, I don’t speak Russian, so I really tried, but, yeah. That translates to Catherine in English so I'm just gonna call her Catherine so that I don't make your ears bleed. On August 21, 1745 Karl and Sophie, who were likely also blood relatives, in true European royal heritage fashion were married. But their marriage was destined to be ill-fated. Peter III was eccentric, neurotic, rebellious, and an alcoholic. His contemporaries as well as modern scholars also suggest that Peter III was infertile and in turn incapable of producing an heir with his new bride. Catherine was the antithesis of Peter; she was level-headed and an avid reader. Though many members of the court were suspicious of her, she gained considerable knowledge about Russia through her studies and her early years as Grand Duchess. Catherine also took many lovers, records noting at least three men she had ongoing affairs with during her marriage. Scholars believe that none of her children, not even the heir to the Russian throne, her eldest son Paul, were Peter’s actual children. Catherine became fed up with Peter's bullshit. He was an incompetent ruler who was bringing down the nation, and she knew she would do better for the country she’d began to love. So Catherine made it her goal to eliminate Peter and take the throne someday. In late 1761, Empress Elizabeth died. At the time, Russia was embroiled in the Seven Years War aligned with Austria and France and opposing Prussia. Peter, whose Holstein lineage made him Prussian by blood, had always despised Russia despite being raised to rule it. Upon assuming his role as emperor, he canceled the alliance with France and Austria and pulled Russia from the Seven Years War. Peter also decided this was the perfect time to get rid of his wife who he despised. Catherine knew this was her chance to take the throne. She had the support of the army, due both to Peter's incompetence and her taking a lover in the St Petersburg regiment. Individuals from the enlightened aristocracy also supported her because they value her liberal opinions. In June, just six months after Peter had become emperor, Catherine rallied her troops in St Petersburg. She was proclaimed Empress by the people. Peter III abdicated the throne, but Catherine’s supporters decided that still wasn't enough so they assassinated him three days later. In September Catherine was officially crowned Empress Catherine II and began her reign as the ruler of Russia, a role which she would keep for thirty four years. Catherine's reign was turbulent and her attempts to enact most of the radical, liberal reforms and changes she believed in and her young years were largely failures. However she did achieve a lot as a ruler: vastly broadening Russia's borders and amassing a large art collection which she believed would better her nation by culturally educating people. I will not dive too much into her time as a ruler as we could seriously go on for hours talking about it and they're literally been so many books written about all her policies. So this is just a short short version of the story of Catherine the Great, and if you're curious to learn more about her there are lots of great books out there I will include some in our tumblr post this week if you're really looking to nerd out about Catherine the Great. In the end, Catherine died quietly; she suffered a stroke and died in 1796, passing at the age of 67 after ruling Russia for more than three decades. Before I end, I would also like to note that Catherine had a lasting legacy that far outlived her. Catherine is remembered as a ruthless, strong, female leader. She's been the subject of numerous documentaries, movies, TV shows, history lectures, and yes, even podcasts. And I would like to promote that Hulu put out a great series earlier this year called The Great which presents a largely fictionalized version of Catherine's rise to power. Catherine is portrayed by Elle Fanning, who is only 22 but is already proving herself to be an acting powerhouse.

Alana: So here's the thing about Elle Fanning. My friend Jill Young, hit her up, she made the gecko museum for those of you who know about the gecko museum. Her name is Jill Young, she was supposed to be signed or something like… basically Elle Fanning took her acting spot when we were in middle school.

Lexi: Oof.

Alana: So, I have a vendetta against Elle Fanning. Although I did talk to Jill like on Monday and was just like “are we still mad at her because I really enjoyed The Great I feel kind of bad about it” she was like “you know what, I’m a little bit mad but middle school Elle Fanning was way better equipped to handle being famous than middle school Jill.” So I'm allowed to enjoy it but I still am like wary of Elle Fanning. I'm just a little bit salty.

Lexi: I'm glad we're kind of allowed to like her even though it seems like there is some resentment still. Though The Great gets a lot of actual history wrong that's really not the point of the series. I would say it's akin to things like Hamilton, though far more comedic in nature than that. But The Great reappropriates a story from history through a fun modern lens and advocates for diversity. It is a hilarious, diverse, witty show that is worth a watch if you do have a Hulu account. So I would highly recommend it. That’s it on Catherine.

Alana: You're– you're done with Catherine? I have one more question: horse fucking, what's the vibe?

Lexi: What's the vibe on horse fucking?

Alana: Like did she– like did she do it or not.

Lexi: I don’t know. I feel like scholars can argue about that for days.

Alana: That's not an answer.

Lexi: Maybe? Is that an answer?

Alana: No, but I will accept it.

Haley: Excuse me, what? I’ve never heard of any of this.

Alana: Oh my god. You don’t know about this? This is just like– I don't even know if it is actually a thing or not, but like some propaganda, some like anti-Catherine propaganda was like “she made a device to fuck her horse.”

Haley: I’ve truly never heard of this and this is blowing my mind. You just straight coming out being like “bleep horses: the vibe?” and I was like are you asking Lexi this?

Lexi: Listen, if you’re interested in that part of Catherine's life, you can Google it.

Alana: We talked about this like in my AP Euro class like six years ago.

Lexi: That was covered in AP Euro for you? That was not covered in my AP Euro.

Alana: I had the most incredible AP Euro teacher. Shout out Spivack. She keeps liking my FaceBook posts about the pod. I'm not sure if she’s actually listening. So shout out Spivack, for talking about Catherine the Great and maybe did she fuck a horse I don’t know.

Lexi: Everything I learned about Catherine the Great I learned in my European history class I took at a college after I took AP euro.

Haley: So we're gonna hop from Europe all the way down to what is now Nigeria to tell you the story of 16th century Queen Amina, which means truthful and honest. My disclaimer, like Lexi’s, is I don't speak any of the regional languages in ancient or modern Africa, and for Nigeria the official language is English, so it’s a lot trying to research all the different names, words to try to find the root and stuff so I apologize in advance. Orienting ourselves on the globe, Nigeria is on the Gulf of Guinea, I’m pronouncing that horribly wrong I'm so sorry. So where Africa curves inward, and that's universally called West Africa. Queen Amina is known as one of the greatest African queens in history and will always be remembered for her great leadership, impressive military strategies, and just as a powerful woman and her overall spirit. And before we really deep dive into her story, I just want to make a quick note: most of what is known about our queen is because of an anonymous book “Amina, Sarauniya Zazzau,” Amina, Queen of Zazzau. This book quote “appeared” in 1954 and is a collection of traditions about Queen Amina and is noted to be written after her death. Even still today people are debating if she actually existed or the legendary queen was in fact, just a legend. I personally could not get a copy of this book because it seems to only be in print at universities that I could not visit during this pandemic life. So that means my story’s mainly coming from people who use this text and have used other oral traditions when conducting research. And I'll try to note where the history gets let's say twisty wisty, but also note that oral tradition is a valid way of telling a story, and telling a cultural perspective. So like if people are saying this is legend because of oral tradition, no. So that's where I'm more leaning on the side that yes this– this was a true human being rather than a legend. And oral tradition is valid. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. Also I'm gonna jump around her life timeline because I group the story up into military, politics, and just being an overall queen. Born sometime around 1533, she was the eldest daughter of a government ruler named Bakwa Turunku, noted as queen, but also some people noted this person as a king. In the academic world there's even been disagreement on whether she was raised by more male rulers or a female, so I said screw it and let's not harp on the binaries. Gender is a social construct. Just–

Alana: Gender is a scam and I would like to unsubscribe. Thank you.

Haley: Hit that button. She had a traditional upbringing of being weaned and spending time with the mothers. However, she was unlike other Hausa girls because she would go to court with her grandfather. So I'm taking this as going to like government and political officials’ gatherings. Grandfather takes granddaughter to work day is everyday. And I would like to say she was inspired or destined for greatness at a young age. Queen Amina was very interested in learning about politics and getting involved for public affairs. Hey, she went like with her grandfather, so awesome. Just pick up a few of the family trade, if you will. She was taught not only by her mother, but her grandfather as I said, who was a ruler. And when she was 16 she was named  Magajiya of Zazzau which means heir apparent. With this, she was now a member of the rulers cabinet which allowed her to put those political skills into action. Queen Amina fought in all said campaigns that were put before her. By her brother, by her grandfather. This is kind of where it got dicey, and I'll talk more about her military campaign. Along with her interest in public affairs and politics, Queen Amina was really interested in, like I said, warfare, and actually received a lot of military training; she overall had this reputation of being a fearless warrior and just as good as the other men. Because you know what? Women can just fight like a man. I don't know why we have to put that in there. I digress. After her mother's death, which was noted around 1566, her brother Karama took the throne. And remember she was the oldest, so the throne had to go to a male, that was kind of noted. But it was also noted that the mother was like kind of ruling in the sense that her brother was young, so he was kind of like the figurehead or like “Hey we still have a king in place” but really the– the mother…

Lexi: The mother was like the proxy, you might say?

Haley: Yeah. So that's where– like I said, twisty wisty– some of my notes overlapped. And the brother’s goal at least was to expand the  Zazzau Empire and within two years he set up or organized four military campaigns, at least these were the four that are heavily noted, and like I said the four that she kind of involved herself when she was under the cabinet’s rule, one of those members. As part of the military campaigns, there was note that she was even the commander of 20,000 men during this time, and this could have been when she was queen because when she was queen, after her younger brother was chosen for the throne, she would continue to go into battle. She saw that she had strong power within her society to do good, but also recognized that she would probably have a better sense of control out on the battlefield. She was most comfortable just being in charge of the military force and power. So she obviously took the throne. And this lasted of her being just in the throne, in the sense that she was working and governing from wherever her home base was for three months, so timeline continues. And she was noted to be fighting or being ruler, queen until her death in 1610. So that means she was in a total reign of thirty four years. And her brother and previous ones were only up to ten years. And that also is like a twisty wisty noted but I think she was– it was noted that she ruled for a very very long time. And as her time as queen, she was able to expand the physical territory of Zazzau to the south and west; and yes, there was force, but much of her time spent in battle was also to negotiate with neighboring political rulers and like compelling them to pay tributes. But also to make sure that in like the vassal areas in the neighboring rules, they would have like a permit system so traders and travelers could pass throughout like the neighboring areas and her area with ease and not be in danger. Militarily, she also introduced metal armor like helmets, chainmail into her army as protection. It was noted that this was an era of talented metalworkers, so she saw that and she was like “Hey we're gonna incorporate this into how we work, how we fight, and this might work out,” which I believe it did because this was early on in her reign and she just truly continued this. And I just wanna say that like Lexi’s queen, Amina has been remembered to this day as a role model for feminism and in Nigeria different landmarks or institutions if you will have been dedicated to her. And it is said that the TV show “Xena: Warrior Princess” was inspired by Queen Amina, but that was my “it's midnight, I gotta finish notes and this is kind of cool but I don't have access to this TV show.” And to leave on an even more fun note, on Black History Activity Books you can buy a Queen Amina activity book and my wallet is currently yelling at me.

Alana: That's awesome I feel like we haven't talked about Africa that much, and I think that's kind of something we're gonna be working on and fixing, but…

Lexi: I think she's the first African person we've talked about.

Alana: Yeah. Good choice. Good– like, what a good first note. I mean we're like seven episodes and that's a little bit embarrassing…

Lexi: We’re a little late.

Alana: We're a little late but really good first one.

Haley: I also didn’t– I wanted to do someone that no one knew about. And like, we know in academia Africa gets left out unfortunately. So I specifically was like “I'm gonna pick someone from Africa” or I was looking at like Aztec, Mayan, South America. I saw that Queen Amina– oh my gosh, I believe it’s Ah-me-na. So sorry again, if I’m pronouncing any of these words incorrectly. Google Translate was not much help. Whoops. But she’s just still like very much ingrained in Nigeria's culture. I think they even had a museum or like one of those cultural centers named after her, definitely different landmarks. And also just… If you have an activity book about you and about your life you know you made it. Like I would love in like fifty years and, hell, a thousand years, just a Haley activity book.

Alana: More merch!

Haley: That would be so much fun.

Alana: Oh my god. Lady History merch, and it's coloring book pages of our Zoom meetings.

[Lexi and Alana laughing]

Alana: Just saying. That’s just my idea.

Lexi: You should link the activity book on our Twitter or something in case people want to buy it and support that site.

Haley: It is in my sources and I just shared my notes with Alana.

Lexi: So it will be on our Tumblr if you want to see it. And maybe we'll tweet it too. Maybe we'll get ambitious. I don't know.

ALANA’S STORY STARTS HERE - LEXI TYPING

Alana: I will be talking about Boudica the warrior queen of the Iceni, which they were a… They call it a tribe. I don't really like the word tribe; I think it's kind of loaded so I'm just gonna call them Iceni or the Iceni people, because I just like I don't like the word tribe. And they were in– its modern day Norfolk, so eastern England. And so Boudica was born in about 30 common era, not anything 30, just 30. Because ancient, like– that's just how math works. So at the age of about 18, she married the king of the Iceni. His name is Prasutagus or perhaps Prasutagus. I– I don't know. I don't... I don't know. So at this time Rome is king shit on high. They’re ruling the entire Mediterranean. They’re ruling a lot of northern Europe. They're just all all over everything. And in 43, nothing 43 just 43 CE, Emperor Claudius began his invasion of Britain. The Iceni, like a lot of other people in Britain, became client states of Rome. Which means as long as the current leaders were alive and submitted to Rome and helped Rome out when they needed help, y’all can pretty much do your own thing and not like to be attacked by Rome. So Prasutagus took that deal. But he died in 60, nothing 60 just 60 common era, thereabouts. And he didn't have a male heir so in his will, he left his kingdom to his two daughters who do not have names in the classical sources and Emperor Nero who had taken over in 54. Boudica is not in his will, which is really interesting, and makes scholars think that maybe she was always anti-Roman and he wanted to protect his people because he thought that maybe if Boudica were queen she would fight the Romans and that would just be bad for everybody, and spoiler alert it kind of was. After Prasutagus’s death - what if I just pronounced it differently every time I said it? That would be fun. So after-

Lexi: That’s acceptable.

Alana: Yeah that's what I'm gonna do. So after Prasutagus’s death, the Romans annexed Iceni lands by force and killed a bunch of people, publicly flogged Boudica, embarrassed her, and raped her daughters. The legend is that she put her daughters in a chariot and rode through her town and was proclaiming, “This is what the Romans will do to us. They suck so much, look what they did,” essentially. She did rebel against a bunch of Romans successfully. She defeated the 9th Legion which was approximately 70,000 Romans that she just totally destroyed. She did eventually- like she didn't succeed overall in forcing the Romans out of Britain entirely. Her warriors were eventually defeated and she and her daughters poisoned themselves rather than be taken prisoner, which is sad but sometimes what ya do. There's not a lot of information about Boudica because she was not Roman and so any Roman sources are gonna… The face Haley is making is just like, “Yeah this is how it is.” Romans don't really record their enemies accurately necessarily, and so the main contemporary in air quotes, the main contemporary sources are Tacitus and Cassius Dio. Tacitus wasn't even born until 56 common era, just 56. So at the time of these events he was like four years old so I don't think when my sources say “Tacitus recorded,” no he didn't. And then Cassius Dio was not born until 130 CE, almost sixty years later. . . actually I think it's seventy years later, I'm not good at math. I have to use my calculator to do eight plus five, so I'm not good at math. I'm sorry. And so nowadays Britain has like claimed her as an icon of like British power. And I think it's really interesting that she was so anti-empire and then Britain like did that. With no sense of irony Britain is like, “Yeah Boudica this anti-empire badass, that’s our icon, no irony.” There is a statue of her on the Westminster Bridge in London and the reason I wanted to do Boudica is because when I was in Westminster I saw the statue and I was like “I think that's Boudica” and then I looked it up and it was Boudica! And so I felt really like smug and hot. Because I got it right. The end.

Lexi: I wrote a paper on Boudica in undergrad.

Haley and Alana, basically in unison: For the Celts class?

Lexi: Yes! And the theme of the paper was I watched Boudica the made for TV British movie–

Alana: With Alex Kingston.

Lexi: Yes. And then I analyzed how it compared to the records.

Alana: I wrote about Druids in the game Dungeons and Dragons.

Haley: I love that.

Lexi: Love to see it. Great class.

Lexi: You can find this podcast on Twitter and Instagram at LadyHistoryPod. Our show notes and a transcript of this episode will be on lady history pod dot tumblr dot com. If you like the show, leave us a review or tell your friends, and if you don’t like the show keep it to yourself.

Alana: Our logo is by Alexia Ibarra, you can find her on Instagram and Twitter at LexiBDraws. Our theme music is by me, GarageBand, and Amelia Earhart. Lexi is doing the editing. You will not see us, and we will not see you, but you will hear us, next time on Lady History.

Haley: Next week on Lady History: wait, Great Scott! Is that a bird? Is that a plane? No! It’s a she-ro! Next week on Lady History, we're going to be discussing women who saved the day.

[metaphoricallyroger]

When I’m Sixty Four [R.T.]

Summary: You and Roger have been married for what seems a lifetime. You share memories through photographs with the main cast of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Words: 3,280

Warning: Swearing.

Note: Title taken from The Beatles song of the same name. Also, I feel like the flow of reading this is a bit off? But I hope you still enjoy!

Request: For @rrrogah-tayluhh . 

--

At the completion of filming Bohemian Rhapsody, Roger and Brian thought it would be a good idea to have the main cast over for a dinner party.

You, having become something akin to a part of the props on set considering you went to watch the filming whenever you could, also think it is a good idea. Perhaps now would be a good time to finally share some of the safe-for-work questions the cast have been asking you for months now that you’ve gotten to know them better.

After dinner, the drinks began to flow, so naturally, the promised stories of the heydays have begun and your numerous photo albums collected over the years have been pulled off the bookshelf in the lounge room.

“The first time I saw him I thought he was a woman.”

“Did you really? Is that how you two met?” Ben looks between you and Roger, trying to figure out if you’re joking or not.

“I thought a girl had dropped her study notes so I chased after her to give them back, and turns out, that lovely ladies name was Roger.”

“I can’t believe you’re telling this story,” Roger groans.

“Shush, you were cute. Look!” You hold up a blurry looking polaroid, “got the photo here to go with the moment and everything.”

~~

“Miss, excuse me, Miss! You’ve dropped your papers!” The person who turned around certainly wasn’t a woman, but a very attractive man with a cigarette stuck to the dryness of his lips.

“Did you just call me miss?”

“I apologise, but we’ve got the same coat on and your hair it’s, well …” You gestured towards the blonde mane on his head and tried to ignore the fact that you both wore the same fur coat.

“It’s what?”

“Sorry, I- Um, it’s very nice, that’s all.” You were slightly intimidated by the man in front of you.

The flash of the camera that hung from your shoulder interrupted whatever the man was going to say next.

“Do I have a personal photographer now?”

“I am so sorry, I swear I didn’t mean to take a photo of you, I was just running my finger over the button which I do when I get nervous. Sorry, again. For you know.” He bent down and grabbed the polaroid where it lay discarded on the floor.

“You also talk a lot when you’re nervous?”

“Guess so.” He handed the photo back which had developed during your rant to show only the subjects midsection and thighs, which could have been passed off as your own photograph with the same coat you both wore.

“What’s your name?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“So I can find where you live, obviously,” you rolled your eyes, “I’d like to write it under the photo. Memories and all.” You raised your eyebrows.

“It’s Roger Taylor,” he grinned, and seemingly took pleasure at your newfound bravado.

--

“I didn’t see Roger for a couple of years after that. I was friends with John. That’s how I met him for the second time.”

“Did you go to one of their gigs?” Gwilym enquiries.

“I introduced John to the band because I knew Roger’s girlfriend at the time and she told me that he needed a bass player. I had to practically drag him to their rehearsal one day,” you smile fondly at the memory of John, hoping he also looks back on the time as a period of happiness.

~~

“What do you study?” You looked up from your textbook to see the drummer you’d accidentally taken a photograph of however long ago, which you still had, buried in a box underneath your bed. You sometimes took the castaway polaroid out and looked at it, wondering whether the sandy-haired man still had the coat, much like you kept yours.

“I’m becoming a nurse, what about you?”

“Biology, but I studied to become a dentist, for a while.”

You chuckled and Roger squinted at you, eyebrows drawn together.

“Sorry,” you paused, “I just can’t picture you pulling someone’s teeth out.”

“Me neither. Music’s where it’s at for me.”

“I can picture that,” you smiled timidly.

The silence that hung itself over your heads was comfortable, and Roger smiled down at his splayed fingers.

“So,” he broke the silence, “what pictures did you take of me this time, my personal photographer?”

“This one’s my favourite.” You show him the one where he was looking over to Brian, lips pursed, ready to sing into the microphone next to him, his left hand hit the snare whilst his right was poised, ready to hit the smaller tom-tom.

Roger ended up keeping the photo after you reluctantly handed it over. It would come back to you at a later date, hidden amongst Roger’s tchotchke-filled cardboard boxes after you moved in together.

--

“How drunk are you guys in this photo?” Joe, whose sense of humour never fails to make you laugh grins as he holds up a very specific photo of a very specific night you no longer can remember.

“Oh, we might’ve been flying at that point,” Brian chuckles reaching up to rub his chin with a hint of embarrassment.

~~

“We’re going places, Baby!” You grinned at the very drunk Roger in front of you with his wild hair and glassy eyes that almost spilled over with happiness.

Drinks and all other sorts of substances flowed amongst the partygoers after the New Orleans concert of Queen’s Jazz tour, fans, strangers and family all united under the one cause if only for one night. Tomorrow, you’d go your separate ways, only to do it all over again the next tour.

The room had become hazy with copious amounts of cigarette smoke as Roger dragged you, half stumbling, half running to the middle of the room to get you to take a photo of the band.

“You’re not all going to fit!” You called, quite drunk yourself, as the four men tried to squeeze themselves together on the smallest lounge in the room.

“Hold on! I’ve got an idea.”

John took it upon himself and attempted to rearrange the limbs of the other members so that they all ended up piled on top of one another. They had laughed boisterously at their ‘Queen Pretzel’ they’d made, but they eventually fit themselves into the frame.  

“Stay there. John that’s perfect,” you called, and took the photo that was distributed to all four band members after it collectively became their ‘favourite photo ever’.

--

“Darling, do you want more?” Roger nods his head towards the glass of wine you’d been sipping the entire night. You don’t particularly enjoy the drink, much preferring G&T’s if you are going to drink so you decline, choosing to focus on Brian who’s begun talking about the script changes that had been made after the first draft.

“I didn’t know that he called you Darling that young, Y/N.”

“He only started to call me Darling once he got his first grey hair.” You run your fingers through Roger’s now silver locks and he grumbles as he pulls your hand from his hair and intertwines your fingers.

“I don’t recall that.”

“Okay,” you faux agree, “we all believe you.”

~~

The high pitched screech you heard from the bathroom sent you up the stairs, worried your daughter had hurt herself.

“What’s wrong?” You burst inside, only to find Roger, who stared pitifully at himself in the mirror, almost nose-to-nose with his reflection.

“I’m going grey!”

“So?”

“‘So?’ What do you mean ‘so?’ I’m Roger Taylor, I can’t just be going grey Darling!”

“Oh, good Lord.” You dug your fingernails into the bridge of your nose.

You watched as he continued to go through his hair, almost inspecting every strand before you perked up and remembered the camera on the table outside the door.

When you returned, you tried to be discreet about taking the photo, but the mirror, unfortunately, alerted Roger to your presence.

“No, no, absolutely not.”

“Hold still!” You cried, trying to get Roger in the corner to be able to document the moment. Backed into the corner, Roger pouted and allowed you to take the photo.

The photo came out blurry and to Roger’s joy, you could not see a trace of grey hair.

--

“Do you have any funny pictures of you two when you were younger?” Joe’s eyes light up when you pull out the album you saw Brian discreetly trying to hide when the photos began to be passed from person to person.

“Actually-”

“No!” Roger interrupts, “she doesn’t.”

Brian, thinking he’s spared from being the butt of a joke laughs at his friends face as Roger gets a good look at it.

“I thought you got rid of that album?” Roger’s eyebrows furrow as you begin flicking through the album, trying to find one of the better photos.

You smirk and shrug.

“I lied. But don’t worry, you aren’t going to be alone in your humiliation. Should we talk about the time Roger and Brian spilt cake batter all over their pants and Freddie made them walk home in their underwear because he didn’t want them to ruin his clothes?”

“Please do!” Lucy grins.

“So, we all went round to Freddie and Mary’s flat …”

~~

“This is ridiculous. Why couldn’t we have bought a cake from a bakery instead of having to make it here?” Roger had not stopped his complaints since the idea had come to fruition the week prior.

“I think that’s the whole idea behind a baking evening, Roger. You know, to bake.”

“C’mon Rog, you don’t want to be able to cook for your missus here?” You glanced at Brian whose eyes widened when he saw the look you gave him. You didn’t have high hopes for Roger’s baking skills, especially when he couldn’t work out how to help Freddie boil an egg.

“We aren’t married.”

“Not yet anyway,” you heard Roger mumble under his breath.

“What was that?”

“Nothing, nothing. Are we going in?” He seemed eager to get inside after Brian brought up marriage and almost tripped over the doorway when Mary opened the door in an effort to get away from the conversation.

~~

“I can’t believe he’s done this. This is so embarrassing! What if someone we know sees us?” Roger stomped, in your opinion, like a spoilt toddler down the street, even to the point where his lower lip stuck out in a petulant pout. It didn’t help that his shirt was covered with the remnants of what was supposed to be a cake, crusted into the fine stitching.

“I’m fine. I’m not the one who seems to be wearing women’s underwear,” Brian goads.

The two men walked ahead of you as you trailed behind, and tried not to let the noise of you opening your camera bag alert them to your motive.

“This is a Kodak moment! Move your little arses so I can take a picture of you both.”

“This isn’t funny, Y/N,” Roger grumbled. But still, the men walked on and attempted to look unaffected by the cool breeze that had begun to permeate the air despite the warmth Spring had provided earlier in the day.

“No, you’re right, it’s freaking hilarious,” you cackle.

--

“Was this a fancy dress?” Rami looks slightly mortified if the wide, blinking of his eyes is anything to go by.

When you look at the photo his index finger rests on, you understand, creased brow relaxing.

“That was our wedding day. God,” you laugh, “it was a disaster.”

“That’s your wedding day?”

“Doesn’t look like it, does it?” The corner of your mouth quirks up at his attempt of trying to hide his shock. If asked in the few years following your wedding to Roger, you would have at least wanted to fix a few things, but these days, the memory doesn’t do anything but make you smile.

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you wear or who gets drunk and does what with the celebrant but the person you vow to spend the rest of your life with.

~~

“We aren’t supposed to see each other! It’s a tradition!” Everything that could have possibly gone wrong the day of your wedding happened. Things that you meticulously had plans X, Y, and Z for were thrown out the window and to top it off, the groom kept trying to break into your room.

“Babe, we’ve already got a kid together, I think we’re a bit far past traditional at the moment.”

Roger waited for the sound of the door to unlock before he opened the door to the bedroom.

“Oh, Y/N,” he whispered.

Your lower lip trembled and your eyes stung as you tried to keep your tears at bay. What little makeup you had put on was streaked from tears, your hair and veil askew and Roger thought he’d never seen a bride more beautiful.

“I just wanted everything to be perfect,” you snivelled and pulled the veil from your head, tossing it to the bed. You plonked yourself on the bed, head in your hands.

The bed creaked as Roger sat next to you, resting a comforting hand against your back, which helped release some of the tension in your shoulders.

“You look handsome.” You glanced up at Roger in his suit and almost started crying again when you think about your wedding dress too destroyed to try to fix moments before the ceremony.

“Are we going to get married or what? I’ve been waiting to marry you since you called me a girl, let’s go,” he tugged on your arm gently after a heavy silence fell over the room.

“Married? Like this?”

“Why not?”

“Uh, because I don’t have a dress and look like a right bellend whilst you look handsome and like you actually belong in a wedding party.” You had no other formal-wear with you, only the tracksuit and shirt you wore (which was Roger’s), your suitcase for the honeymoon sat in your own bedroom, hours away from the venue you were going to get married at.

“Do you really think I’m going to let you be the only one to get married in tracksuit bottoms? I want to be comfortable too, Babe, it’s only fair.”

As the pair of you walked into the after party, Roger swept you into his arms, one under your knees, the other behind your back as the photographer stood before you.

The pair of you grinned at the camera, content that you had finally gotten to marry each other, and once the initial panic of having to get married in your veil, tracksuit bottoms and Converse ebbed, you found that nothing could bring your mood down.

--

“I think I’m a bit too old for you, sorry bud,” you smile as your daughter fends off Ben’s innocent flirting. The pair sits shoulder-to-shoulder over the album that features another chapter of your lives when the kids came along.

“Oh, I remember this one, look how cute we were!” Maia uncovers the photo and pulls it out to show you and Roger, and it’s true, brother and sister were very cute, still are, despite them both being grown adults. They are your babies, no matter how old they get.

“‘Were?’ You still are, Pumpkin.”

“Dad, stop,” she laughs, shaking him off, “you’re embarrassing me.”

“Hey, I am nowhere near as embarrassing as I could be. I haven’t brought out the ones of you with your fingers up your nose yet.”

“No! No more baby pictures.”

You stroke your hand down Maia’s hair to calm her down, trying not to chuckle at her flushing cheeks.

“Who says they’re of you when you’re a baby,” Roger says with a raise of an eyebrow.

“Could we just get to talking about this picture please?” She huffs, sounding so much like her father you can’t help but roll your eyes, ever the dramatic.

~~

“Look at Mummy, Finn!”

Roger had both kids balanced on either knee and whilst five-year-old Maia was eager to pose for the camera, one-year-old Finn was more interested in what the drumstick tasted of.

Roger controlled the bass drum pedal and the opening and closing of the hi-hat and grinned whenever Finn or Maia hit one of the drums, even if it hadn’t worked with what he did.

The noise the kids made was less a rhythmic fill but a ruckus of noise as they attempted to emulate what they’d seen their father do.

“Finn, look here!” You clicked your fingers, and the blonde toddler looked up at you with a grin that curved around the tip of the stick.

The click of the camera sounded in the momentarily silent room and the moment was frozen in time and memory. Roger would carry that around with him on tours in years to come, still to the day he carried around a new copy so the original stayed, worn and creased from tender touches of love inside the album.

--

“You’ve got a lot of pictures, do you have a favourite? Of just you two?” Rami wonders as his eyes flit eagerly across the album he’s reopened. He seems drawn to the earlier photos, the ones taken candidly before Queen shot to fame which feature some of the greatest times you’ve all had. Even the bad memories, when things didn’t go right, are looked back upon with fondness.

“Oh, yes, there’s one that Freddie took of us, but it’s starting to fade now so I don’t look at it as much. Here,” you flip to the beginning of the album, “this one.”

“I love that shirt Roger’s wearing!” Lucy adds as she sees mirth glow in your eyes.

“That’s actually my shirt.”

“How cute,” she coos, “when was this one taken?”

“Right when we first got together, if I recall.” Roger’s nose and upper lip crinkle as he remembers your early romance reverently.  

“That’s right,” you nod.

~~

You pressed against each other, Roger sat on the curb, an arm wrapped around the curve of your thigh and his head rested on your hip where you stood next to him. The stifling heat inside the venue meant you sat far apart in the dressing room, but the coolness of the nighttime air meant you were as close to each other as possible.

You didn’t pay attention to anyone but one another, lost under the haze of new romance. It wasn’t like you to believe in romance clichés, but everything truly seemed to slow down whenever you looked into Roger’s ridiculously blue eyes.

The sound of Brian’s complaints that the van was getting too small with the entourage they’d begun to pick up fell on deaf ears, John and Freddie were too busy looking at the pair of you, all loved up.

The flash of the camera didn’t even halt your hushed murmurs to each other, only Freddie’s excited yell elicited any reaction.

“Darlings, come look at this photo I took of you! Isn’t it wonderful?”

You both inspected the photo once Freddie stopped waving it around. It developed to show you from the torso down and Roger, cuddled up to your legs, with a reserved smile that made him look sleepy and content, which was exactly the pace of the night.

“It’s very nice, Fred,” he grabbed the photo and gently rubbed his finger across your torso, also mimicking the motions on the photo.

He passed the photo off to you and you placed it in your blazer pocket and held your hand out to him.

“You ready to go?”

“Ready for anything.”

[writeyourletters-inthesand]

can you tell us your top few favourite queen songs and your top few favourite queen albums? please?

oh uhh !! Yes !!! thank you so much for asking!

a few of my favourite queen songs (in literally no particular order) (i sort of went off on this and ended up writing way too much i'm so sorry. you don't have to read all of it :')) (i would put some of it under "read more" but?? i cannot figure out how to do that???) :

" '39 " from " a night at the opera. " this is the song my url is taken from and was probably my first love from their discography. it isn't sung by freddie except on the rare occasion they sang it live (though fred does an AMAZING rendition in 1977 at earl's court. look it up, it's beautiful), but by brian may on the album. his voice is gentle and sweet and the song itself is just... so pretty. also !! it's about time travel and spacey-wacey stuff !!! set to a fun country/folk tune!! it's so good !!

" my melancholy blues " from " news of the world " is also definitely a fave. it's pretty much exactly what the title suggests, and is a really nice closer to what is overall a pretty heavy album

" the prophet song " also from " a night at the opera " is kind of like brian's " bohemian rhapsody " but it's two minutes longer and apparently about a prophetic dream that bri had at some point?? i don't know. it's long, has a weird acapella bit in the middle, and incredibly ominous lyrics. i love it.

" innuendo " from " innuendo " again with the ominous and vaguely threatening tone, but the lyrics are actually quite sweet and lovely. there's also a spanish guitar solo in the middle and an operatic section that shifts from speaker to speaker. if you're listening with ear buds, it's like being on a carousel that only plays opera. it's marvelous.

" bring back that leroy brown " from " sheer heart attack " . big 1930s jazz vibes. early queen is the good shit.

" crazy little thing called love " from " the game. " this song was in an episode of doctor who (i think it plays during amy and rory's wedding?? maybe???) and i've adored it ever since

" somebody to love " from " a day at the races " . because. obviously.

also " drowse " from " a day at the races " . i like roger's songs a lot, and his voice really showcases itself in this song. the lyrics are kind of.. meh... but the song itself is like... a 9. out of 10.

i didn't do any john deacon songs for this and honestly?? that's unacceptable and i feel horrible about it. anyway, " spread your wings " off of " news of the world " is a bop !! it also makes me cry but that's not important lol

ok. now for albums. i will spare you the lecture on why i like them so much and limit myself to just the names of my top 5. hopefully.

1. " the game " , 1980

2. " a day at the races " , 1976 (great summery album. especially long away n good old fashioned lover boy)

3. " news of the world " , 1977

4. " jazz " , 1978

5. " a kind of magic " , 1986

thank you, again, so much for asking !! this was a much needed distraction and i hope you aren't bothered by me... talking.. a lot. feel free to drop by n chat any time !

[benhaardy]

king of my heart || b.h.

(i apologize i do not know where this gif is from i found it on weheartit but im not sure thats who made it but here is the post. if you are the owner please let me know so i can credit or take it off at your request. thanks!)

Summary: Ben takes you to the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere and you reminisce of his accomplishments and your years-long friendship.

Request: Can you do a fluffy first kiss imagine with Ben? Thanks!

A/N: so uhhh the request was literally the simplest thing EVER but my extra ass had to put some Extra Sass™ upon this lol. idk why i wanted to go big for such a simple prompt but its ben and its his birthday today so HE DESERVES IT!

gotta add in that S H E E R D R E S S S H I R T because i’m still not over it, thank u, next.

the outfit i had in mind: dress (the one in the middle) shoes necklace earrings, though obviously you can imagine your own outfit.

song that the title/some of the fic is based off: king of my heart by taylor swift

obviously, i am a huge fan of the longtime best friends to lovers cliche and idk if anyone else thinks this but i write my characters as super affectionate in the first place so i hope it isn’t weird to anyone to have like the really touchy-feely best friends or friendships in my stories ig? idk, just a thought cause i literally just noticed how affectionate my characters are ANYWAYS here's wonderwall

thank you for sending a request in! hope you enjoy it!

also happy birthday to our king i hope he has a beautiful day

Wordcount: 1.7k

Warnings: a few frick words (2). fem!reader. mention of nudity. fluffy!! not proofread, but beta’d

“Ready, Y/N?” Ben called from downstairs

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

You put the final touches of your outfit on. Perfume on your wrists, Tiffany necklace on, you went down the stairs carrying your nude Louboutins and adjusting your earrings. It wasn’t really your style to do any of this, really, but your best friend Ben had wanted to take you to the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere. Go big or go home, you figured. At his asking, you didn’t see or know what he was going to wear so you played it safe with a black dress.

You went down the stairs and got to the bottom floor. Ben was standing in the middle of the living room, back turned to you. He was looking down at the cat weaving in between his legs. As far as you could see, he was wearing an all black suit. “Ben?” you said. He whipped around to see you as you were putting on your shoes.

“Oh, wow, Y/N,” he beamed. Ben put his hands over his mouth, his eyes wide with surprise. “You look so good!” You opened your arms to embrace him, to which he stepped into, his arms around your waist.

After a few seconds, you both pulled away but his arms still stayed in their place and your hands lingered on his biceps. “I could say the same about you, Benny! Everything looks great!”  He let you go fully. You looked up and down at his outfit. Sheer black dress shirt, black blazer and trousers, everything was tailored perfectly to his body. You grinned. He cleaned up very well, but it wasn’t like he didn’t dress nice in the first place.

“Ready to go?” he asked. “Car’s waiting outside.”

“Ready.”

--

You watched from the side of the carpet as the main cast were getting photographed together. That was your best friend! Standing next to Roger fucking Taylor and Brian fucking May. Everything still felt surreal, though he had been in the public spotlight for the past few years, this felt different. Your senses just felt heightened. The flashing lights, the hues of purple and pink and gold all around, surrounded by people you either knew well or were complete strangers to you. Your eyesight was crisp, noticing everything you could, taking it all in. You did musical theatre, you hadn’t really dealt with something as big as this, even with Apocalypse.

And here your best friend was, in the middle of all of this. Your mind played back all the memories of you two in drama school with his all-nighters, monologue after monologue, script after script. You couldn’t be more proud of your closest friend, all of his hard work going to this. You could remember Ben’s shifty eyes backstage the very first show of Judas Kiss and the blush on his cheeks after the show when he remembered that you had watched him perform and there was that one scene of full frontal; he figured it was worth the embarrassment, it’s not as if you hadn’t seen worse.

Back to Eastenders and its countless shirtless and kissing scenes. You thought back to the countless nights that you spent up with him when he was weighing leaving the show or becoming Archangel. At your own urging, Ben left Eastenders, ready for the next chapter, ready for the next big thing. One of the best memories of your life was traveling to the United States with him for Comic-Con and driving up and down the west coast a week before he had to attend it. He took you to Disneyland and Universal Studios after everything with the convention was said and done.

Now, Bohemian Rhapsody! You laughed at the memories of Ben scrambling to find a good drum teacher close by and how he turned up in the middle of the night to your flat to tell you he got the part. You couldn’t ever forget his embrace in the dark of your living room, his face buried in your shoulder and his arms, tight and strong around your waist. Your happy tears wiped away by Ben’s hand as you drew apart. Though you both were excited, it was still the middle of the night, so you both just slept in your bed once more with the cats.

Ben would always invite you over to watch him play and give your input. You had to admit, he had gotten pretty good over all the lessons. Though you discouraged his lying about playing the drums and seeing the consequences in his clamber to learn as much as possible, it paid off in the best way possible. They started the process of making the movie. Though you couldn’t really be by his side throughout filming, you were basically there, his perpetual FaceTimes keeping you in the loop with everyone. You even “met” the guys and Lucy, who you hit off with very well. Ben made sure you were always by his side and he was always by yours.

So when you saw him here, at his biggest premiere surrounded by even more amazing actors and actresses, you couldn’t help but shed a tear. This role of Roger had basically brought him into the light.

You watched them take pictures until Ben beckoned you over, the group disbanding and walking over to their families and significant others to pose for their own photos. You came over and he put his arm around your waist, hugging you close. Your hand was on his back and you both posed for pictures, the flash basically blinding you, the sounds of the shutters all around. “Smile,” Ben whispered into your ear.

--

Everyone was at the rooftop restaurant that you were all going to eat at after the premiere. You were sitting in between Roger and Ben, having been introduced to all of the people around the table. Never in a million years, you thought, never in a million years did you think you’d be here, conversing with the real Roger Taylor or getting along with his daughters, or telling Lucy Boynton and Anita Dobson where you got your necklace and earrings.

“If you’ll excuse us, Y/N and I are going to go out to the balcony,”

You scooped another spoon of food in your mouth before saying, “Oh, okay we are? Okay.” You gave a polite smile to Roger, who you were talking to before Ben got your attention. Standing up, you followed Ben out of the tall, ornate door, out to the terrace where you could see all of London. The view was breathtaking.

“What is this all about?” you inquired as you came over to Ben standing with his hand on the glass, observing the scenery in front of him, the various coloured lights illuminating London.

“How do you feel about all this, Y/N? The whole shazam,” he questioned, wanting to know your true feelings about everything.

You shook your head, “What can I say?” You looked out along with him. “If you had told me in the first year of uni when we met that we would be here right now. Eating dinner with two freaking members of Queen and their families and being around some of the best actors and musicians in the world!” You said, your voice breathy. It was crazy what your best friend had been able to accomplish. “I would’ve slapped you and called you mental. This is all so... wow.”

“I couldn’t have made it here without you, Y/N. I’d be a complete and utter trainwreck. I wouldn’t even, like, survive without you, you know?”

“Ben,” you shook your head vigourously, “Don’t…don’t. This is your thing. This is your work. This is your doing. I was just there along for the ride and you were there with me,” you reasoned. “It’s just...just that simple.”

He shook his head but smiled. “None of this is that simple.” Ben turned to face you, still looking down. You moved to look at him yourself. “You mean everything to me, really. It’s not just the support. It’s the little things. It’s how you never fail to put your jumper sleeves over your hands and bury ‘em in your face. It’s how you look at me when you’re adjusting my suit and doing that little,” he paused and did little sweeping movements in the air, “that little sweepy thing on my lapels and you look back up at me and smile. The way you smile, the way you look at me, love, it just- it drives me crazy in the best way. You’re always there for me, yes, but that is not the only reason that I love you.” Ben took hold of your hand and held it close to his heart, his hand encapsulating yours entirely. “I want you, Y/N.”

You leaned forward and an abundance of holy shit holy shit did I just do that did I really just do that did he reeeallly just say those amazing things about me?’s rang through your head, echoing and echoing. You kissed him. His plump lips were upon yours finally. At first, Ben was stiff, taken by surprise at your sudden action but he softened quickly with the feeling of you on him. Your hand stayed on his chest while his moved down to your hips. As the kiss deepened, you laced your hands around his neck.

He pulled away. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted that, love,” he said, breathless, his lips swollen and pink.

“Me too, Ben.” You smiled and cupped his cheek in your hand, to which he kissed your palm and held your wrist lightly. He looked down at his shoes, blushing.

“We should—“ he started, his thumb pointing back to the inside. “We shoul—“

You exhaled. “Y-Yeah, yeah we should, we should.” Ben grabbed your hand and led you inside. He pulled your chair out for you and you sat in it. You brushed imaginary dirt off your dress, trying to act casual.

“Looks like you two had fun out there!” exclaimed Roger, a bellowing laugh coming from him.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Green Book

Well it’s 2019 and we finally solved racism, you guys. It had a good run, but Peter Farrelly and Co. have managed to fix it through the power of - you’re never going to guess - FRIENDSHIP. I have no idea how someone didn’t think of this before now!

But seriously, folks. Green Book is already an awards season heavyweight and an Oscar favorite with its 5 nominations. So is this anything more than a simplistic feel-good story designed to make the Academy sleep better at night? Or is there something to this based-on-(one side of)-a-true-story that, in spite of itself, gives the audience some deeper emotional truths to hold onto? Well...

Let me put it to you this way. Do you think the concept “People who are different from you ALSO have struggles to go through” is a *deep* emotional truth? If so, I am so happy that you are broadening the content you’re intaking in middle school, and I have some solid reading recommendations for you when the next Scholastic Book Fair rolls through town! For the rest of us, a white savior odd couple road trip dramedy should feel as old and tired as fried chicken bones thrown to the side of the road, which YES IS A FEATURED GAG IN THE MOVIE. 

Green Book is the story of Dr. Donald Shirley (Mahershala Ali), a brilliant and extraordinarily gifted concert pianist, who basically invented his own style of music during a decade when the white booking agents in America told him black people could only play jazz onstage. (He was also queer, but we’ll get more into that later). Dr. Shirley embarked on a concert tour through the Deep South in and hired an out-of-work club bouncer from the Bronx named Tony ‘Lip’ Vallelonga (Viggo Mortensen) as his personal driver and valet. Can you imagine the hijinx that ensue?? With a screenplay that was developed by Mr. Farrelly, Brian Currie, and Nick Vallelonga (son of Tony), is it any surprise that we have a movie about racism in 1962 America that centers on an unremarkable middle-aged white man rather than the queer black man who had 3 Ph.Ds and was one of the only black classical musicians performing to sold out audiences at the time? 

Some thoughts:

First of all, for someone who sees as many movies in theaters as I do, I rarely have any problems with disruptive audience members that take me out of the film. But during the Thursday night showing of this movie that I attended, the white couple next to me did the following: a) laughed repeatedly at racial epithets uttered by Tony because he’s just such a lovable racist, right?; b) exclaimed LOUDLY “that’s awesome” when Tony folded a whole pizza in half like a taco and began to eat it; c) whisper-shouted “They’ve never seen anything like that before” when Tony and Dr. Shirley are broken down by the side of the road and a group of presumed slaves see a white man driving a black man; d) repeated both Tony’s and Dr. Shirley’s “laugh lines” about 1.5 seconds after they were spoken, non-stop, for the first hour of the movie. SO you’ll excuse me if some of my bitterness is peeking through, because I know that there are people who enjoyed this movie. I was sitting next to them. And honestly? I don’t want to enjoy whatever movie they were watching, because they were having a fuckload of a different experience from me. 

Perhaps I should have known what to expect from the first illuminating title card that said “The Bronx - New York”. Thank god they clarified, or I would have thought they meant The Bronx in Iowa, and jeez would that have been embarrassing for me. This is the level of hit-you-over-the-head obviousness that touches everything in this movie.

I hate myself for this joke, but when Tony gets the address for his interview with Dr. Shirley and he pulls up to Carnegie Hall, I legitimately thought that they should have had him say “You sure these are the right directions?” And someone else reply “Yeah - practice, practice, practice, then it’s upstairs on the left.” These are real thoughts I have, people. I’m not proud.

A note on perspective - a lot has been written about the failure of the filmmakers to do their due diligence in telling Dr. Shirley’s story. His surviving family members were not consulted AT ALL, even though, without Dr. Shirley, this story would never have existed in the first place. It may be a feel-good tale, it may show two unlikely men looking past their differences to forge a friendship, it may even inspire more folks to investigate Dr. Shirley’s music and his legacy - none of those things are bad, and no one is saying they are! But a person’s story...especially when that story is being told posthumously on their behalf...is the closest the world can get to knowing a person’s soul. And I don’t think anyone can successfully argue that Nick Vallelonga is the best person, or the person with the singular authority, to be the author of Dr. Donald Shirley’s story. Especially when Mr. Vallelonga has a vested interest in smoothing over the rough parts of his father’s story to make them more palatable.

Case in point - after discovering Dr. Shirley naked and handcuffed to a shower with another naked man in a local YMCA on their tour, Tony tells him that he’s not homophobic because he’s “worked in a lot of New York nightclubs” and he’s seen it all before. Oh, so in the Bronx in the 1960s, Tony sees so many gay people that he’s Mr. Tolerant, but he’s never spent any time around BLACK PEOPLE? 

Or how about downplaying any and all connection Tony might have to more “unsavory” white people in his neighborhood. You know the kind of guys who offer you a mysterious job, and when you say “What do I gotta do?” they say “Things.” That’s not a job good people want to do. Those aren’t good people to have in your life. 

Also, the movie does such a forceful job of portraying Dr. Shirley as isolated from his family, from other black people, and from true human connection (seeing as he’s cruising for hookups in a YMCA and has to be rescued gallantly by white knight Tony) that it becomes pointedly hateful. It’s as if to say the only way a queer black man can go through life is isolated and full of self-destructive loathing. 

This may be why the film’s working title could have been RESPECTABILITY POLITICS: THE MOVIE. 

Don’t get me wrong, the performances are great. Both Mahershala Ali and Viggo Mortensen are doing everything they can with the material they’re given and injecting these one-note caricatures of human beings with as much depth and nuance as they can. Much like Rami Malek in Bohemian Rhapsody, I don’t fault the actors for the sins of the writers, directors, and producers - if anything, their performances and the excellent music are the only thing that allowed me to feel any sense of goodwill or enjoyment during the movie at all.

Is there a rule that if you’re going for the big Oscar-winning speech that it has to take place in the rain? Literally watch that gif above and remember that this line was written by a white man whose father worked for this black man. You tell me that you think this movie allows Donald Shirley’s story to be told with any sort of depth or honesty about his emotional interior. 

It’s pandering, it’s overly simplistic, and from a technical standpoint, it’s honestly not that remarkable to look at. It’s all cotton-candy-coated racism solved in time for Christmas dinner and it’s probably going to win a bunch of Oscars and that really fucking sucks.

[ilovemygaydad]

Dance, Dance

Part Five: The Sound of Music

Based off this post that you really need to read for context!

Pairings: Analogical and Royality (past sleeplogical)

Characters: Virgil, Patton, Logan, Roman, Sleep/Remy, Deceit/Dominic, October/Toby, September/Ember

Warnings: domestic abuse, swearing, sexual humor, crude comments, bullying, making out, abusive deceit, mentions of vomiting (just one word), step parents, food mentions, rejection, logan’s kind of an asshole to virgil, and possibly something else

A/N: a few people asked me about dominic using both she/her and he/him pronouns, and the explanation is that it’s just me fucking things up. like, that’s it. you can hc him however you want, idc, but I’m just stupid. also, chris is from Sleep is for the Weak

Masterlist | Ask Blog | READ ON AO3

Tags: @adultmorelikeadolt @disneyfanatic77 @logan-smarter-than-you-sanders​ @punsterterry​ @mycatshuman @fluidityandgiggles​ @sadpunkrat @theunoriginaldaisy​

Logan had been buzzing with anticipation all weekend over who his mystery guy could be, and he could tell that it was getting on Roman’s nerves no matter how much he claimed to be a sucker for a good romance, but it was just… He was absolutely captivated, and the only clue that he had towards the identity of his mystery man was an iPod. That in and of itself should be a huge clue because, honestly, who had an iPod in 2018, but that was just it. Who even had an iPod? Not a single person that he could think of.

With that dead-end in mind, Logan turned to yearbooks. He knew that there was a possibility that he had danced with a freshman or sophomore, but he obviously didn’t have access to yearbooks from the previous year, so he had to rely on his own freshman and sophomore yearbooks. Those, too, came up with a dead-end. He found someone close--Patton King--who, in sophomore year, had dyed his full head bright blue, but the bouncy curls were completely different to the light waves in the hair of whomever he had danced with.

Logan had begrudgingly told Roman that they would have to take this search more public. Sure, there were mysteries that Logan simply wouldn’t be able to solve, but this one was so much more complicated than he had originally thought, and he was certainly going to need help.

“Hey, um, Mx. Elliott…”

“Oh, Logan! Welcome back to school--though, I’m a bit hurt that it took you this long to come and visit me.”

Logan blushed a bit. He felt bad about not visiting, but there were only so many hours in the day where he had time off. “I’m so sorry, Mx. I promise that I’ll stop here more often.” There was an awkward pause as Logan thought of what to say next. “So… How is Mitchell doing?”

“Oh. I broke up with him for good. I took yours and Joan’s advice, and I kicked him out of my apartment about six weeks ago.” They fiddled a bit with the sleeve of their sweater uncomfortably. For years, Elliott had been a good friend of Logan’s, but they were dating this awful guy named Mitchell for just as long. Elliott’s self esteem was ripped to shreds time and time again, and they had a hard time listening to their cousin, Joan, and Logan’s advice.

“I’m very proud of you for doing that. I’m sure that it took a lot of strength, and I’m glad that you’ve gotten your life back into your own hands.” Logan paused and held out the iPod. “However, I didn’t come here merely to talk pleasantries. I need to find someone. I danced with him at the ball, and he dropped this, and--”

Elliott smirked. “And you fell in love?”

“What? No! No, of course not.” Tick. “Well…” Tock. “Maybe…” Tick. “But it’s none of your business!”

“You literally came here for my assistance, Logan. It is by definition my business now.”

“Hush! Just--Roman--PA!” Logan pushed Roman, who had been standing there silently, at the PA system to make the announcement.

And, in normal Roman fashion, it was ridiculously extra. “Ladies, lords, and non-binary royalty, The Prince is on the mic to ask you all formally if you have seen a handsome lad who ditched my best friend Logie--”

“Logie?!”

Roman covered the microphone with his hand as he hissed, “Logan didn’t rhyme there!”

“Shut up and hand over the mic,” Logan growled as he pushed Roman out of the chair and sat down. “Hello. It’s me, Logan Parker.” He took a deep, calming breath. “On Saturday, I danced with one of the most amazing people. You left in a hurry, and you ended up dropping your iPod on the ground. In all honesty, it was the best night of my life, and I want to give you back your iPod, so… if you are able to name the top four songs on your playlist, I’ll return the iPod to you. And maybe we can get coffee or something. Roman and I will be sitting in the center of the cafeteria at lunch so that we can find you.” He unclicked the on button of the PA, and sat back.

“You Gucci, Specs?” Roman asked.

“Yeah. I think so. This should be easy.”

“Okay, Chris. Go.” Logan felt every ounce of his soul drain from his body as his eyes flicked over to the dozens of students lined up to try and prove that they were his mystery guy.

“‘Livin’ la Vida Loca,’ ‘Maria,’ ‘She Bangs,’ and ‘Shake Your Bon-Bon.’ All by Ricky Martin.”

Logan swiped at a puddle of tears that had been left on the lunchroom table with his hand. “Sorry, but that isn’t it.”

The boy stormed off, and Logan let his head fall into his hands. This was a disaster. Logan mentally kicked himself for not being able to recognize who he was looking for right off the bat. He was such an idio--

“Hey, Lo. Do you want me to go around the line and kick out the excesses?” Roman whispered gently.

“God, please do.” Logan looked up; he felt like he was going to cry. “They’re all the same cookie-cutter Hollywood guys, Ro. That guy from the ball was special, but… what if I can’t find him?”

“Are you kidding? You are the Logan Parker! I have no doubt in my mind that we’ll find him.” He smiled. “I think he helped pull you out of your slump. There’s no way I’m letting a guy like that go.”

“Thanks, Roman.”

“Hey, what else is a prince for?”

Virgil shivered as he felt cold water drip down the back of his neck, no doubt staining it with streaks of purple. He had been unlucky enough to fall asleep during his second block class, and one of his asshole classmates got their hands on some glitter glue and wrote transphobic slurs in his hair. It was pretty standard for shit like that to happen, but Virgil had only dyed his hair again yesterday to it’s full purple potential, so it sucked that he had to wash it again. And Patton was pissed. That was pretty normal, too.

“If that teacher had known any better, she would have reported that guy for harassment!”

“Pat, just leave it. She was doing what would protect me from the wrath of administration. If she had reported him, she would have had to explain why I didn’t stop him, which would have gotten me in trouble, and I probably would have been taken out of school by Dominic. I’m already on thin enough ice. Mrs. Larsen was helping me.” Virgil began to ascend the cafeteria stairs, slipping around people who were stationed on the sides.

“That’s still such bullsh--”

Virgil pulled Patton to the side of the stairs with enough force to dislocate a shoulder. “Shut the fuck up for a second and look.”

“Holy--”

“I didn’t think he’d actually do it!” A dozen yards away sat the longest line of people that Virgil had ever seen outside of a Black Friday sale at the Gucci store in Los Angeles. And there was Logan at the head. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Virge, you’ve gotta go down there and tell him before someone starts a riot!”

“No!” Virgil turned to Patton. “No way.”

Patton wildly gestured at Logan. “He said that it was the best night of his life.”

“Yeah. Until he finds out that it was me.” He threw another glance at Logan. “Let’s just go.”

Virgil and Patton continued to their classes, but underneath the stairs, Toby and Ember had heard everything.

The second that Virgil entered the house, Toby and Ember were there to intercept him.

“Look at you, acting all innocent!” Toby snarled. Virgil needed to know that they weren’t going to let him steal Logan away.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Virgil looked confused and tried to evade the twins.

“Oh,” Ember said, gripping Virgil’s arm tightly. “We know it was you at the ball with Logan.”

There was a short pause before Virgil said, “You guys are crazy.”

“No, actually, you’re the crazy one if you think that we’re going to let you end up with Logan, you weird stalker!”

“And if you tell him that it was you,” Toby interjected, waving one of the copies of Virgil’s video in the air. “Your video will be everywhere. Hello, YouTube!”

Virgil scoffed. “You guys can barely work the toaster, let alone YouTube.”

“Try us.”

Ember pushed Virgil away. “Go make dinner. We’re hungry.”

Virgil stared at the twins for a few moments and walked away. Toby turned and went to the door.

“Hey, Toby, where’re you going?”

Toby froze. “None of your business, Ember! I mean, uh, nowhere. For a walk… Uh, outside.”

“Oh. Okay, bye!”

“Yeah, bye.” Toby slipped out the front door and went straight to Virgil’s room. “Playlist. I need to find that playlist.”

Clothes, pencils, notebooks, and everything in between was scattered through Virgil’s room as Toby searched. For twenty minutes, he found nothing, until…

“Aha! Hidden in plain sight, of course!” He lifted up a pillow and found an old Macbook. Without a second of hesitation, he opened it up and went to iTunes. “Okay… ‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’ Perfect!” He scribbled the titles onto the back of his right hand and went to make his leave, but the door swung open right as he was about to open it, and he was flung into the wall.

Ember sauntered into the room and gasped when he saw the laptop. He picked it up to find the songs, but it tumbled right out of his hands and onto the floor. It was obvious from the loud cracking sound that the laptop wasn’t going to be useable anymore.

“Can you give me a hint as to what genre the songs are?” Chris asked, pressing closer to Roman and Logan. “Are they emo? Metal? Electroclash? Latin pop???”

“Okay, everyone! Disperse yourselves.” Roman hopped up from his seat at the table to usher people away. “Come back… after class or something. Logan’s going to take a break.”

Logan slumped in his seat and waited for Roman to return to speak. “I’m never going to find him. This is hopeless.”

“Hold up. What is this illogical garbage that I’m hearing from you, Logan?” Roman looked more offended than usual.

“It’s not illogical, though.” It was more of a question than a statement.

“It most certainly is! Say there’s an equal fifty-fifty distribution of males and females at our school--excluding the lovely non-binaries, which would make up around 1% of our school, probably. That means that there are about 750 males at our school currently. Sure, the odds don’t seem great, but there’s a chance. Therefore, Logan, we must keep hope that you will find your prince.” Roman smirked. “Logical enough for you, Specs?”

Logan smiled a bit. “Go away.”

“Nah. I’d never ditch my best friend, Lo--”

“Logan Parker!”

“Toby,” Roman sighed, standing up to escort the twin away. “Dude, Logan is on a break. Please come back during business hours, or you can send a letter that will be processed in five to seven business days.”

“Oh, of course. I’m actually in the mood for a prince…” Toby flirtatiously traced his finger on Roman’s collar.

“Are you serious?”

“No! Get out of my way!” Roman was flung backwards with a surprising amount of force, and Logan was only able to stare at his best friend as Toby approached. “I’m The One, Logan!”

Logan didn’t even have the energy to muster a laugh. “Yeah, right.”

“I can prove it. I know all of the songs on the playlist.”

“Of course. Do go on.”

Toby smiled a dazzling smile. Well, dazzling in the blinding way with his bright orange, sparkly braces bands. “‘Dying in LA,’ ‘Save Rock and Roll,’ ‘Freeze Your Brain,’ ‘Defying Gravity,’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody!’”

Roman rejoined Logan and whispered, “This is impossible. Right?”

“Ha! I’m right! Kiss me!” Toby surged forward, and Logan almost fell backwards trying to evade him.

“Woah, holy--wait!” Logan held Toby at arm’s length. “You’ve got to dance first.”

“What?!” Toby spluttered. “But--I already told you the songs! That’s all you asked. And I’m not warmed up, and there’s no music!”

Roman sighed dramatically, hanging off of Logan. “Logan, darling, he’s obviously not the one you’re looking for. I mean, he can’t even dance for you.”

“Oh, you’re right!” Logan swerved around Toby. “Well, see ya!”

“No, wait!” Toby grabbed Logan’s hand and spun him back to the table. “I love to dance!”

Logan watched in horror-filled awe as Toby started to “dance” in harsh, seizing motions. In all honesty, he hadn’t expected anything like that. Roman, completely unfazed, decided that it was time to leave, and he dragged Logan away as Toby continued to dance.

Logan was tired. He was really fucking tired of having being, well… for being Logan Parker. It honestly just sucked to be famous. Which sounded stupid and pretentious, but it was true. People fawned over him, and he just wanted some coffee, but there was only shitty canned espresso in an overpriced vending machine, so here he was. In a random hallway getting coffee. He jabbed at the coffee button and leaned down to grab the can. As he stood up, he came face to face with Ember standing in what he could only construe as a seductive position against the vending machine.

“Woah, okay, Ember…”

“Ready to meet your mystery guy, Logan?”

“You know the songs, too? God, can I just catch a break?” Logan ran a hand through his hair and started to walk away, but Ember tugged him back.

What is with these twins and tugging people around?

“But I’m the real freaking one! And I freaking love you, so you’d better freaking love me back, you freaking freak!” Ember yelled. Logan blinked a few times at the outburst.

“Way, way, way deep inside, I’m sure that you’re a… decent person, Ember, but I’ve really got to go--”

“I can prove it!” He threw his backpack on the ground with a dull plop. “Through dance!”

Before Ember could even get very far into his equally as awful dance, Logan ditched the scene, eager to find Roman to get out of the school for his off period.

“Oh my god, Virge. I can’t believe the twins would hold that video against you! You were literally eleven.”

Virgil ate another spoonful of frosting from the tub that Patton had bought him, glaring out the windshield at nothing in particular. “What do I do? I don’t want Logan to think that I’m a fucking stalker! Not to mention the fact that he obviously doesn’t remember me from pre-transition, so he’d find out about that, too. People like me don’t belong with people like him.”

“Look,” Patton said seriously; although, the off-kilter blue bow in his hair made it a little difficult to actually take him seriously. “You and Logan clicked out there on the dancefloor. You have to talk to him.”

“Nuh uh.”

“Yuh huh--oh, look!” Patton pointed out the window at Roman and Logan passing by. “It’s showtime, Virgil! You’ve got this.”

“Yeah! I can do this.” Virgil reached over to open the door, but he whipped around again. “Wait, you know what? Let’s get some food first.”

“Yeah, no,” Patton deadpanned.

“Fuck, fine!” Virgil rushed out of the van before he chickened out and walked over to Logan’s car. “Hey, Logan. I need to tell you something really important.”

“Oh!” Logan smiled charmingly, and damn this stupid crush that Virgil had. “Hello. You work for Dominic, correct?”

“What? No! That’s not what--”

Roman, from the other side of the car, giggled. “You had shrimp in your hair.”

Virgil glared at him. “Well, I mean… Yeah, that was me, but that isn’t what I wanted to say.” He took a deep breath. “I’m--”

“Oh my god!” Logan threw his hands in the air in frustration. “Seriously? Dominic is relentless. First Toby, then Ember, and now you, too?” He ran his hands through his hair and sighed. “Just… I’m looking for someone, okay? I don’t have time to talk. Especially not about that stupid duet. I’ve gotta go… It was nice seeing you.”

Roman and Logan sat in their seats, and Virgil took a few steps back as they pulled out. He watched them for a few seconds before racing back to Patton’s van. Without hesitation, he whipped open the door and grabbed his back and skateboard from the floor.

“I told you, Pat.”

“Oh my god, he blew you off!”

Virgil sighed and backed away a bit. “Whatever.” He slammed the door shut and skated off, ignoring the tears that fell down his cheeks.

Part Six

[rose-of-pollux]

Quiz thing

Tagged by @belphegor1982​

When did you last sing to yourself?

This morning, and it was Queen’s “I Want it All.”

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

“What are my finches actually saying about me?”

Rest under the cut--

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Getting my master’s degree in biology/my thesis project on finch learning.

What is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

Traveling in New York City with @ksturf​, seeing Anastasia on Broadway and catching 100 Unowns.

Do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

Not really.  I want to publish a thing, though.

Do you feel you had a happy childhood?

I think so!

When did you last cry in front of another person?

Ummm... I honestly don’t remember.

Pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them

...Does the person have to be living?  My answer depends on that. XD

Would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

No, but it’s been my experience that strangers like opening up to me for some reason. *shrug emoji*

When was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

Back when I was doing my master’s, my procrastination habit had come back to bite me hard, and I had left a first draft of a term paper on crocodilian behavior til the night before it was due.  It was @ksturf​ who got to hear me screeching into the void at 3AM as I got the thing done (time zone differences made it not as bad for her).  That is the last time I ever stayed up that late.

(The kicker to this is that 1. I was one of two people who turned the first draft in on time, and 2. My professor said that it was “Such a wonderful first draft and very clear that I spent so much time and effort on it” that I didn’t need to revise it and would get an A on it.  Lesson learned: it’s easy to bluff your way through a term paper--even at 3AM--if it’s something that genuinely interests you)

What is your opinion on brown eyes?

...I love them.  And I would say that even if I didn’t have them myself--because ^he does.

Pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally

"...I’ve enjoyed a lifetime of adventures around the world...” -- Robert Vaughn.

Honestly, it means so much to me--he lived such a full and fulfilling life, and if I even accomplish a fraction of the things he was able to do, that will be time well-spent.

What would you title the autobiography of your life so far?

The Life and Times of a Scatterbrained Writer

What would you do with one billion dollars?

Keep/save enough to live comfortably (maybe slightly frivolously--gotta have my Nintendo games and fandom merch), make sure my best friend also lives comfortably, some for my family, and give whatever we don’t need to those who do.

Are you a very forgiving person?  Do you like being this way?

Hahahaha... No, but I am very good at hiding it.  Should I be better?  Yeah.  Will I?  *shrugs*  Who knows...

Would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

Pastel, I guess?

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings?  Explain

Tattoos aren’t for me, nor are piercings other than ears.  And I have such a low pain tolerance that I probably wouldn’t have gotten my ears pierced if my mother hadn’t had it done when I was a toddler (my mother was a traditionally-raised Hindu who had only emigrated to the States from India a few years prior, and toddlers getting their ears pierced is a tradition going back literally thousands of years; getting a nose piercing as a mark of adulthood is also a tradition going back thousands of years, but my response to that was a firm #NOPE, and that was the end of the conversation).

Do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

Nooooooo, I hate it, I hate the way it feels on my face.

Talk about a song/band/musician/lyric that has affected your life in some way

So, Rockapella, Genesis, and Queen are three bands that I’ve known since childhood--in the case of Queen, I didn’t know it was them until I was much older (“We Will Rock You” was my hometown’s unofficial fight song for sporting events, so I’ve heard that song since elementary school--usually coupled with “We are the Champions”), and even then remained a casual fan until I watched Bohemian Rhapsody last year and just went headlong into loving them.  Freddie Mercury was an absolute legend, and finding out that he had ties to India like I did was an absolute thrill.

Rockapella were my first music loves--saw them on the Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego game show, rediscovered them years later, and never left them again.  I’ve conversed with two of the Carmen-era members online, and met two others in person.

Genesis has been my musical fixed point, along with Bryan Adams.  I’ve just constantly been listening to them throughout my life.

The Monkees brought me to tumblr and subsequently led to my meeting people here that I’m still in touch with, even if I’ve drifted away from the fandom.

And Zach Adkins holds a special place for me, as well, seeing him as Dmitry in the Anastasia musical with @ksturf.

List the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel

So, I have seen Rockapella in concert 3 times, the Monkees twice, and a solo Nez concert once.

The Nez concert was in 2013, before the more recent... clouds covered the sun, shall we say?  I had a wonderful time at the time, and many good memories, and I feel awful that things have come to this--especially when a good portion of it seems to not be in Nez’s control at all.  It’s a dang shame, but I’ll cherish the memories I have.

The two Monkees concerts were in 2012 and 2014.  The 2012 “Gazpacho tour” was truly a remarkable thing--honestly, I don’t think anyone saw a tour coming after Davy had passed, and suddenly, here it was--and I remember the night before the official announcement, when Nez had teased us and everyone here was going absolutely bonkers over the possibility, before he broke the news before the official announcement.  And then, the concert itself... there was something magical that night, undoubtedly--Micky having us, the audience, sing Davy’s signature song, “Daydream Believer,” saying that it belonged to us now.  It was so sad and wonderful at the same time.  The 2014 tour had a more upbeat and celebratory feel to it, sort of the promise that the daydream was still alive.

The first two Rockapella concerts were before my Carmen Sandiego Renaissance; they just happened to be performing in my hometown twice, so I went to see them because “Oh, these guys!” (though only two of the guys from the Carmen era were actually still with the band).  I had a great time, but it was nothing like the third time, when I went because I had rediscovered how much they’d meant to me (and drove over an hour in a snowstorm to see them.  Abysmally foolish?  Yes.  Do I regret it?  Absolutely not).  The third time was also when I got to meet the two Carmen-era guys (and the new guys) after the concert, which was... more amazing than I can ever describe.

Who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?

I would have loved to have received a reply to the fan letter I had sent Robert Vaughn just two months before he had passed.  Obviously, I learned after the fact that he probably had been too sick to reply, but a reply I would have wanted would have been... just him knowing that he knew how much I admired him, and how much better he had made the world.

Do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized?

Hahahahahaha, no.  I’m the most disorganized person in existence.  Any computer stuff I do on the couch.

What is your night time routine?

Dinner, toss around story ideas, make sure the finches are roosting/turn their light off, eventually sneak into bed as quietly as I can so as not to disturb the finches.

What’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

How unhealthily I eat some days...

If you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

Nooooo, I wouldn’t want to...

Pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

...I don’t do groups well; I’d just pick @ksturf and we’d go back to New York City.  Or maybe Hollywood this time, who knows?  Sightseeing and things--catch some Pokémon, too....

Name three wishes and why you wish for them

I wish:

I had enough money so that I and those I care about could live comfortably (self-explanatory)

That I could understand what birds were saying, and they could understand me (as someone who did a thesis on bird learning and behavior and has been trolled multiple times by multiple birds [including my own], I have personal questions I want answered).

That Robert Vaughn was still here (again... self-explanatory)

What is the best Halloween costume you have ever put together?  If none, make one up

I put together an awesome Carmen Sandiego costume in like... 2011?  Everyone knew exactly who I was.

What’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

...There are a lot of things I would never do for a million dollars.

What’s your Starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

Dragonfruit refresher with lemonade.  @ksturf is the one I trust.

What is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

Well, I just wrapped up my one-year position as a lab tech, so finding where I go from here is pretty much the biggest thing right now...

[violetsforkino]

v live ☾ 181208 ( translated by huiiiiing )

you can watch his broadcast here

kino said recently he wrote a song that hui recorded a guide for... and he said the song is for universe. he thought of universe while writing it. something like, “we were really happy then right? just like that time, shall we dance again?”

he said he’s been writing 3 songs with hui recently. 1 is completed, 1 is still in the making, and the last one is put on hold because it’s a bit hard.

what kino did today:

dance > arranging > composing > ate > did cue sheet for japan concert with hui > went back to dorm > back for vlive

( translated by withyeo )

kino said that his most favorite genre to listen to is r&b. other than that he also listens to hip hop a lot. he said that since 2 years ago (?) he's also been listening to jazz a lot, and since a few months ago he listens to rock a lot too.

kino talked about jinho posting a cover of 'shallow' a bit, and then talked about a star is born. he said that the movie is really good. he also mentioned bohemian rhapsody. he likes both movies.

kino said that he likes songs with good lyrics so he recommended the carpenters 'close to you' because he likes the lyrics of the song

kino said that he really likes christmas. he said that it's a dream-like day. he said that christmas is one of the days that he looks forward to the most. he's also been listening to carols a lot these days.

kino's recommended movies: midnight in paris, rebel in the rye, bohemian rhapsody, a star is born , you don't mess with the zohan, yves saint laurent, my tomorrow your yesterday, momento, inception

kino talked about happiness. he said that he's on the road of finding happiness and how to become even happier. he said it's not that he's unhappy now, but he wants to become happier in the future.

kino: i hope you have a day filled with joy. the same goes for universe, but these days i've been searching for real happiness. of course, i'm living a happy life that i'm thankful for, but these days i've been thinking a lot about happiness, and i'm working hard to become happier. certainly, i'm really happy now but because i want to be happier. i think about what is happiness for real. during this month, i've finished up to 4 songs, and 3 of them are about happiness. earlier, the song that hui hyung did the guide, that song was written for universe. i'm working hard to become happier, so there's this thing that makes me happier. for me it's fine if i'm not happy all the time. of course, there are times when you're having a hard time and sick and tired, but you get more happiness by overcoming it. these days, happiness is good.

these clothes [i'm wearing] were gifted to me by shinwon hyung. he sometimes gives clothes to me as a present. they're clothes that'd suit me more than him or ones that i'd like. he gave me a lot. i've worn his clothes a lot since long time ago. jackets. he also gave me pants.

the weather is cold. 'the weather is really cold right?' i miss you so much. 'be careful of the cold everyone. i miss you too.' it's going so fast. 'hing, you're so pretty. you don't know how beautiful you are, right? you're so lovely, i'm dying.' you can't die.

( translated by letsgohui )

songs recommended by kino #1: needs (ft. mac ayres) - zach berro #2: midnight blues - oenn #3: magic by. sekai no owari #4: shallow (a star is born) by. lady gaga, bradley cooper #5: cosmic, album by. bazzi #6: close to you by. carpenters #7: meri kuri by. boa #8: dead! by. my chemical romance #9: sincerity is scary by. the 1975 #10: mine by. the 1975 #11: it's not living by. the 1975 #12: give yourself a try by. the 1975 #13: tootimetootimetootime by. the 1975 #14. runaway by. kanye west #15. all of queen's songs #16: 옛날거 (used) by. 기리보이 (giriboy) #17. sicko mode ft. drake by. travis scott #18. come thru by. joji #19: attention by. joji #20: paranoid by. lauv

movies recommended by kino #1: yves saint laurent #2: bohemian rhapsody #3: a star is born #4: you don't mess with the zohan #5: my tomorrow, your yesterday #6: memento #7: inception #8: rebel in the rye #9: midnight in paris

kino: shinwon hyung gifts me clothes from time to time... hyung bought it but... clothes that suit me better than hyung or... or... that kind of clothes... or clothes that i would like, he really gives me a lot of those. other than this, he also gave me another expensive shirt with printing... i think i used to wear a lot of hyung's clothes last time. like jacket... he also gave me pants. it was gray pants... but anyway...

kino read a comment "i love you." yes, me too... i haven't said, "i love you" in a long time. i'm always loving universe.

kino: to me... last time, when i'm asked what's my number 1 treasure, i would be like, "ah! they're all precious to me." but ever since i started composing, i think my recording equipment have become [my] number 1 treasure. together with my hard disk. for a few years, really... even though i did dance and singing for a few years, my body's an instrument. but these... i can live if all these disappear. i don't know what i'm saying but anyway... yes, so this is my work studio which has become my number 1 treasure.

kino: being a singer that's good at performing is actually my dream. it's still a dream for me. and so, now, i/we worry/think a lot about our performances. what would make [the audience] want to come back the next round? even though i don't have much experience, but in the 2 years that i've performed in front of everyone, the things that i've felt, as well as the times when universe reacted well [to something]... we can feel it with our bodies. we remember those times and for the next cue sheet that we'll work on we'll think about it a little more. but then, for this round's cue sheet... i don't think we've worried too much about it. [because] before that, obviously, if we focused more on the quality of the performances, then the performances this round would, of course, different/unique performances, really... for those who have come the last round, [for them to think], "oh? i came the last round but it's so different this round. it was so fun" or... the next... no, even for the people who are seeing our performances for the first time, "wow, pentagon's performances are really interesting", in order to make fun performances so that it would be interesting enough for people to share it with their friends, not just this round's but also for future performances... we have been paying much attention to these areas. they are really important things but i've been missing this out. so when we were reviewing the cue sheet again, we... the choreography, things that we need to prepare, and the things that we have to prepare again for the future, and the new things that we need to make... and, for example, either a remix or there's also areas where we rearranged the song... yes.

kino: kino shared how he ended up eating alone. hui said he's already eaten. kino also called jinho but jinho said he ate a late lunch after waking up late. wooseok ate with shinwon. after making rounds of calls, he thought that he should just eat alone so he ordered curry.

kino said he's been listening to a variety of songs recently. he said even though he isn't sure and isn't able to objectively judge how much his songs are able to connect with people, while working on good music, he still wants to let people hear lots (a variety) from him. he said although he may not be able to pull off that many music [styles] at this moment, if he does [music] consistently, someday he thinks he would be able to let us hear variety of music. so he's been thinking about such stuff lately... just the day before yesterday, #kino thought to himself... next time, when he gets a chance to perform, he wishes to do a big scale one - in a concert format that's never been done before. the title of it is, "sense of reality." kino said he likes to [imagine] about these things; for example, he wants to bring ideas onto the set, like from a fairytale chapter and with music of that vibe... and to also share stories about reality vs. ideal. and the chapter after... about the future, and the last performance, he would like to do something related to art.

kino: i've listened to r&b for almost my whole life. hip-hop and r&b are [genres] that cannot be separated. i think i've listened to hip-hop and r&b for all my life. and recently... since about 2 years ago i liked jazz. jazz... i listen a lot to jazz. recently... recently, about 6 or 8 months? around the time when 'aquatic talks' was out, i thought a lot about reggae. i'm also listening to a lot to rock. there are many genres to rock as well.so, i listen to rock too. i also listen to bossa. hmmm. i also listen to disney music. edm... honestly... i think it's still not very close to me. but someday... even though there are many good edm music, it's still a little difficult for me to [embrace] it.

kino said he used to play starcraft a lot with his dad. kino and hui were both saying that their fathers were really good at the game. kino said he really liked starcraft when he was in elementary school.

kino: to be honest, other than the ones that i find myself or receive recommendations from people around me, fans do recommend a lot in reality. [fans] recommend a lot of books, and if they [share about] what movie they've watched and what was interesting, i capture everything and later on when i have to select a movie, book or song... i have a folder that consolidates everything that our fans recommend. i go through it like this and would be like, "oh! i should read this book today.", "oh! i should watch this movie today.", "i should listen to this music today." i receive lots of recommendations [from fans], thankfully, so i think my range's expanded and i think it's fun and nice to share [such stuff].

[geekyanglophile]

Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop Listening

I was tagged by @katsintriisto list ten songs I can’t stop listening to! Now this is my kind of tag. Literally all I do all day is listen to music. Thanks Katrine!:

Literally everything by Queen because I saw Bohemian Rhapsody and honestly, legends. Particular favorites: Somebody to Love, Don’t Stop Me Now, Radio Gaga, Under Pressure, and of course Bohemian Rhapsody.

Don’t Shoot Me Santa by The Killers. Yes I know its too early for Christmas music but I found this Christmas playlist that's all like punk/emo bands and I’m obsessed. This song has the trademark Killers vocals and poetic lyrics so I’m obsessed.

CLAUSTROPHOBIA by 3OH!3. You know I forgot about 3OH!3 since DON’TTRUSTME but like damn this song has a bomb chorus, a bumping beat, and cool lyrics. Also this song sounds fantastic with headphones (specifically my skullcandy headphones that boost the bass).

Turn it Off from Book of Mormon. I was introduced to this song when someone on my tumblr feed mentioned that Lena’s “boxes” speech from Supergirl was literally this song. Like talk about compulsory heterosexuality doing a number on someone. Damn Lena, are you alright?

Bone Digger by Bear Hands. “The lies, the lies, the bullshit and the lies. Like oh I could have died. Yeah, lucky to be alive.” I’m a fucking sucker for percussive vocals.

Dance With Me by Ra Ra Riot. Just a solid dance song that makes you wanna move. Plus with really unique lyrics that don’t seem derivative like a lot of dance music.

distance by Christina Perri (its almost you katrine). As a lesbian with a lot of feelings (TM) the line “say I love you when your not listening” hit me right in the gut,

Baby Boy, Ghosting and Sleep Awake by Mother Mother. Such cool inventive lyrics. Really unique vocals. Rock drums and guitar.

Bust Your Knee Caps by Pomplamoose. I mean the title says it all. Cross me and my family is gonna bust your kneecaps. Tit for tat. You know how it works

Finally, literally everything on Twenty-one Pilot’s new album Trench. I mean obviously. It’s a masterpiece. Particular favorites include Morph, Chlorine, My Blood, Pet Cheetah and Leave the City. The repeated line “Someday, I will leave the city. For now, I will stay alive” literally always makes me cry.  

Obviously there is many more seeing as my main spotify playlist has 608 songs at the moment. For more of my impeccable music taste check out my playlists. I tag @kardowolf @mintytimes @myturtlefliessideways @jarofstarlight, @chikadeedoodah and literally anyone else who wants to do this. 

[pinelife3]

Defending Green Book

Green Book, winner of the Academy Award for Best Picture, has had some run-ins with the press:

I want to look at some of these reviews and think pieces, talk about the arguments being made and try to defend Green Book. I’m not planning on talking about the plot or actors or any of the various scandals involving writer Nick Vallelonga. I could write a review saying that it’s funny, the music is beautiful, that it’s hammy at times but generally pretty nice and try to defend it that way, but I didn’t love Green Book - it didn’t suck, but there are other films from 2018 that had burly, surprisingly supple stories, brawny imagery, shredded performances, super jacked action, rippling jokes, rugged special effects, muscle bound implications (i.e. they were very sexy) which I would commend way more highly: Loveless, Widows, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Can You Ever Forgive Me, Burning, etc. Loveless in particular is a film I’ve thought about at least once a week since I saw it (around a year ago). Probably any of these films is more deserving of Best Picture - but I think the level of negative coverage Green Book has received is unfair and I want to try to rebut some of that.

ONE ARGUMENT: Green Book flopped because it’s not the kind of movie people want any more

While sniffing around for content, I noticed the URL for Vulture’s write up on Green Book’s box office performance refers to the film as a flop - a word which doesn’t appear anywhere in the article itself:

I checked the history of the article using the Wayback Machine and found that when the article was initially published in November 2018 it had this title:

How interesting. 

By December 15 the title of the article had been edited:

The actual content of the article hasn’t changed since it was published so this is likely not the writer’s doing and is just some sneaky shit from Vulture. (The writer is Mark Harris - who, just quietly, is a pretty big deal and generally seems like a nice guy. I know it’s wrong to define people based on who they’re married to... but dude is married to Tony Kushner!!) 

I imagine when the film ceased to be a flop, Vulture didn’t want to look like they were wrong. I’m not a journalist so I don’t know what standard operating procedure is in these cases, but from my time reading articles online I’ve observed that when a correction or change is made to a published article, some small text down the bottom of the page says something like “This article was originally published under the title...” or “This article originally misstated the number of fries served with...” or whatever. 

Anyway - here’s what Harris had to say:

Two weeks ago, the movie arrived. The crowds did not. Following a disappointing opening on 25 screens, Green Book expanded to 1,000 for Thanksgiving weekend and finished a somewhat wan ninth. According to IndieWire box-office analyst Tom Brueggemann, its cumulative gross of under $8 million makes it “a work in progress, with a struggle ahead.” That struggle may offer a lesson that after 50 years, a particular kind of movie about black and white America has, at long last, run its course.

This is the top 9 in American cinemas for the weekend of Green Book’s wide release:

Was Green Book expected to compete with Ralph Breaks The Internet or Fantastic Beasts? Considering Green Book’s budget, I don’t think is such a bad showing. Especially considering this is the type of film which typically relies on word of mouth to generate interest - it’s a gentle human interest story. Parents will recommend it to their kids. Kids will recommend it to their grandparents. Families will watch it at home on their sectional sofas with their golden retrievers and one of those 70s wooden bowls full of kettle cooked chips. The awards and nominations may not have been expected (Farrelly’s last film was Dumb and Dumber To), but they helped generate interest as they nudged the film into prestige territory.

Besides, you can see that Green Book’s per theatre average is $5,000 which is better than Widows, Robin Hood, Instant Family and Bohemian Rhapsody. If we’re talking about flops on this weekend, Robin Hood is the obvious candidate - it opened at #7 and grossed ~$14 million internationally against a $100 million budget! Based on Harris’ logic, this is the type of film that audiences are really saying they don’t want anymore: modern takes on heroes from the Late Middle Ages (sounds kind of obvious when you put it like that).

No one should have expected Green Book to be a box office juggernaut, it’s an indie racial politics road trip movie produced by (amongst others) Participant Media - a film studio which produces work intended as ‘social impact entertainment’. That is, films creating a conversation and maybe even spurring reflection and change around current social issues. Other recent films produced by Participant Media include Roma, Spotlight, Deepwater Horizon, RBG, Beasts of No Nation, He Named Me Malala, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and The Cove. A wide range of movies - I’m guessing the social impact element of Deepwater Horizon is that you can have too much of a good thing (when that good thing is millions of barrels of oil tumbling into the ocean, suffocating and poisoning everything it touches). Plus Deepwater is interested in OHS (Did you know BP pleaded guilty to 11 counts of manslaughter?) 

Participant Media occasionally delivers surprise hits (like The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel) but produces a lot of smaller budget movies (<$30 million) which barely make their money back. Haha even Deepwater Horizon failed to break even (budget including marketing, etc. was $156 million, box office was ~$120 million). When a Participant film gets awards recognition (see: Spotlight) their investment in the film multiplies well. Looking at their 2018 films (including Roma and Green Book) this may well be their strategy moving forward. The point I’m trying to make is that not even the people who made Green Book were expecting it to be a box office hit. 

In the Vulture article, Harris’ general argument is that Green Book’s ‘disappointing’ box office showing on its opening weekend indicates that America is over this type of movie. Harris states that there are two types of audience member: white and nonwhite (I’m sure there are lots of people who would take umbrage with being defined as nonwhite but Harris has a point to make about how progressive and non-racist he is so get out of his way), and that of those groups:

The portion of the white moviegoing audience that needs to be handled with this much care and flattery is getting smaller every year, and the nonwhite audience, at this point, seems justifiably wary of buying a version of someone else’s fantasy that it has been sold many, many times before...  

As one person commented on the article on Vulture:

More from Harris:

There were loud critical complaints that in Three Billboards, the black characters were plot devices, abstractions designed to facilitate the growth curve of the white protagonists. That didn’t matter to Academy voters, nor will it matter to some of them that Green Book is a movie that could have been made 30 years ago. But Academy voters themselves, almost 30 percent of whom have joined only in the last four years, are changing, too, so who knows? It used to be a certainty that you’d never go broke selling white people stories of their own redemption — and that may still be true. But in 2018, it suddenly seems possible that you’ll never get rich that way either.

Should Harris disclose here that he is a white person? And isn’t a white person like Harris rejecting a trite tale of white redemption itself a tale of white redemption? Indeed, Harris’ prescient savviness to not be fooled by ‘a film which could have been made 30 years ago’ is a stirring tale of white redemption to rival Green Book itself.

(I got all raged up about the coverage of Three Billboards last year as well - you can check that out here.)

ANOTHER ARGUMENT: gReN bOOk iS JusT aN iNVerSioN oF dRivInG miSS dAiSy (and that makes it bad - obviously)

From The New Yorker:

From The Telegraph:

From sore loser Spike Lee:

Green Book, like Driving Miss Daisy before it, tells the story of a black character and a white character who forge a friendship in the face of racial hostility while behind the wheel. (In Driving Miss Daisy, the driver is black, and the rider is white; in Green Book, it’s the other way around.) “I’m snakebit,” Lee continued in the press room. “Every time somebody’s driving somebody I lose.” He paused dramatically. “But they changed the seating arrangement this time.”

(Side note: one criticism of Green Book that’s pretty solid is that the story in the film may not be as truthful as Nick Vallelonga and Farrelly insist it is. These arguments could also be made about BlacKkKlansman, so. Provided I’m not watching a documentary, I don’t care how accurate a ‘based on a true story’ film is. See also: The Favourite.)

From The New York Times:

In the above, Wesley Morris (one of the only black writers I’ve seen cover this in a major publication) makes a really strong argument for the issues with Green Book and other films from the interracial friendship genre:

Not knowing what these movies were “about” didn’t mean it wasn’t clear what they were about. They symbolize a style of American storytelling in which the wheels of interracial friendship are greased by employment, in which prolonged exposure to the black half of the duo enhances the humanity of his white, frequently racist counterpart. All the optimism of racial progress — from desegregation to integration to equality to something like true companionship — is stipulated by terms of service. Thirty years separate “Driving Miss Daisy” from these two new films, but how much time has passed, really? The bond in all three is conditionally transactional, possible only if it’s mediated by money.

(FYI, the third film he’s talking about above is The Upside.) Morris actually seems to like Driving Miss Daisy - but he is openly disgusted by Green Book:

The movie’s tagline is “based on a true friendship.” But the transactional nature of it makes the friendship seem less true than sponsored. So what does the money do, exactly? The white characters — the biological ones and somebody supposedly not black enough, like fictional Don — are lonely people in these pay-a-pal movies. The money is ostensibly for legitimate assistance, but it also seems to paper over all that’s potentially fraught about race. The relationship is entirely conscripted as service and bound by capitalism and the fantastically presumptive leap is, The money doesn’t matter because I like working for you. And if you’re the racist in the relationship: I can’t be horrible because we’re friends now.

As a plot device, I think the point of the money or the job is that IRL people from different worlds and communities just tend not to meet. That’s true now - in what other context aside from work, dating apps or maybe sports would you meet people even from a different suburb? Logistically, how do you get them in a room together? There are still real class divides in the world - I went to a very fancy private school with an indoor pool, an equestrian centre, a ‘wellbeing centre’, etc. which is based in Corio, one of the most disadvantaged suburbs in the state. Very few (no?) families in Corio could afford to send their kids to our school. I have no friends from Corio. Probably no friends from ‘working class’ families at all. I work a white collar office job so I don’t meet working class or long-term jobless people at work. I live in a gentrified inner-city suburb. What would be the set-up to get me in a room with a person from a disadvantaged background? Would I be doing volunteer work with elderly people? Serving lunch to the homeless? A school teacher at an inner city school attended by refugee children? Would I be a psychiatrist working with a bright, but angry and confused young man? (Hey, Will Hunting!)

In Green Book, our protagonist Tony Lip (Mortensen) is initially v racist, as are most of the people around him - we hear them use slurs, and we see Tony throw out glasses because black men drank from them. As Tony works for Dr. Shirley, they chat in the car - this is really the only black man he’s every had a one-on-one conversation with. Tony also observes the more extreme racism of the South. All of this undoes his prejudices. And Tony and Dr. Shirley learn from each other along the way: Tony to be a more considerate husband, more restrained in dealing with conflict, and more warm and open-minded with people who are different from those he knows - and Dr. Shirley learns to open up, have some fun rather than protecting his pride, etc. Morris is right, initially “[t]he relationship is entirely conscripted as service and bound by capitalism.” Tony took a job. Which is not a bad or unusual thing to do. Morris makes it sound sinister - ‘conscripted’, ‘bound by capitalism’. But working for someone is pretty normal - Morris himself works for The New York Times, bound by capitalism to be a critic for a great publication! It’s not so bad. 

The common criticism is that Tony only changes through exposure to an exceptional black man, a piano virtuoso with a psychology degree, who is, in the film’s portrayal of him, not ‘typically’ black because he doesn’t like fried chicken or popular music. Critics argue that this microcosm doesn’t prove that Tony won’t be racist towards other black people, it doesn’t deal with larger issues of race throughout America - and worst of all, it depicts Dr. Shirley as so lost, lonely, and broken as a person that he chooses to settle for Tony, a recently and possibly only partly reformed racist, as his new best friend.

Sure! Okay! I think when people are from different races, communities, socio-economic backgrounds, etc. are put together, it’s easy for someone who studied post-colonial literature at uni to get into battle mode. But there has to be a non-offensive way to tell a story about people from different backgrounds being in a situation and getting along. Because those situations happen all the time and it’s a good thing they do. That’s why people talk about the value of diversity. And it’s not bullshit. When people who are different get together, it can work and they can learn important lessons from each other.

Morris also talks about Spike Lee’s Do The Right Thing:

Closure is impossible because the blood is too bad, too historically American. Lee had conjured a social environment that’s the opposite of what “The Upside,” “Green Book,” and “Driving Miss Daisy” believe. In one of the very last scenes, after Sal’s place is destroyed, Mookie still demands to be paid. To this day, Sal’s tossing balled-up bills at Mookie, one by one, shocks me. He’s mortally offended. Mookie’s unmoved. They’re at a harsh, anti-romantic impasse. We’d all been reared on racial-reconciliation fantasies. Why can’t Mookie and Sal be friends? The answer’s too long and too raw. Sal can pay Mookie to deliver pizzas ‘til kingdom come. But he could never pay him enough to be his friend.

Maybe there’s something innately American about race relations and black history that I’ll never understand, but - is Morris arguing that black and white people in America can’t get on? Closure is impossible?

In this interview with the Associated Press, Mahershala Ali, as the only black person involved in Green Book, clearly felt pressure to defend it:

Ali grants “Green Book” is a portrait of race in America unlike one by Jenkins or Amma Asante or Ava DuVernay. But he believes the film’s uplifting approach has value.

“It’s approached in a way that’s perhaps more palatable than some of those other projects. But I think it’s a legitimate offering. Don Shirley is really complex considering it’s 1962. He’s the one in power in that car. He doesn’t have to go on that trip. I think embodied in him is somebody that we haven’t seen. That alone makes the story worthy of being told,” says Ali. “Anytime, whether it’s white writers or black writers, I can play a character with dimensionality, that’s attractive to me.”

...

“A couple of times I’ve seen ‘white savior’ comments and I don’t think that’s true. Or the ‘reverse “Driving Miss Daisy’” thing, I don’t agree with,” he says. “If you were to call this film a ‘reverse “Driving Miss Daisy,’” then you would have to reverse the history of slavery and colonialism. It would have to be all black presidents and all white slaves.”

Yet the debates over “Green Book” have put Ali in a plainly awkward position, particularly when Mortensen used the n-word at a Q&A for the film while discussing the slur’s prevalence in 1962. Mortensen quickly apologized , saying he had no right, in any context to use the word. Ali issued a statement, too, in support of Mortensen while firmly noting the word’s wrongness.

I don’t want to wade into that whole mess - but it does feel like a kind of ouroboros trap where you want to condemn a word and the people who used it but can’t say the word, so your condemnation and discussion of the word is really neutered. Like when people talk about ‘You-Know-Who’ in Harry Potter. The word still flashes through your mind.

Gah so Ali had to go on The View covering for Mortensen and explaining why we should forgive him for his just-shy-of-unforgiveable mistake so we could all still go see the film without feeling weird. What a horrible position to be in.

A lot of the coverage of Greek Book is from critics who are saying the film is regressive and offensive, that it uses black people as props, that America should be better able to handle its history by now - they don’t even hate it, they feel ick about it. And it’s so unfortunate that Ali has had to hear all of this. In various interviews, Ali has spoken about how long it took him to break out in Hollywood:

“I was exhausted by . . . I don’t want to say the lack of opportunity, but the type of opportunity,” Ali says. “I’d get offers to do two or three scenes, with a nice note from the director. But I felt like I had more to say.”

From a different article:

“Dr. Shirley was the best opportunity that had ever come my way at that point,” Ali said. “You gotta think, a year-and-a-half ago, coming off of Moonlight, which was an amazing experience, but I'm present in that movie for the first third of it. And that had sort of been my largest and most profound experience in my 25 years of working.”

“So to be presented Green Book and have Dr. Shirley, a multidimensional character who had agency, who chose...no one else was doing that in this time,” he continued. “He didn't have to hire a white driver, he chose to hire a white driver in 1962 to be in the south and have a white man opening your door and carrying your bags and for him to be in that relationship, to be the person in power, for him to be as talented and as intelligent as he was, the dignity in which he carried himself with, his own personal struggle to keep his life and things about his life private because for those things to be public, it would not have been embraced.”

Does it sound to you like Ali is trying to convince himself that it was okay to do this job? 

Conscripted as service and bound by capitalism.

About a month after Morris’ article Why Do the Oscars Keep Falling for Racial Reconciliation Fantasies? was published, Green Book won the Oscar and he reflected on the film again, sounding more resigned and sad:

First, for all the changing that’s been reported about the academy’s membership — it’s getting less white and less male every year — it’s not yet entirely reflective of all that change: white and male and, at this point, capable of feeling better about a movie like “Green Book” more than, say, a movie like “Vice,” a fever dream about Dick Cheney... Peter Farrelly makes comedies and this movie, if you’re inclined to find laughs at the friendship at the film’s center, is funny. And the last line is so good and right and pleasing that I actually went for a third helping just to make sure I wasn’t wrong about it all. Only once I start thinking about what and who I’m laughing at do I get depressed...

For reference:

That is toasty warm.

As I said at the top, I don’t think Green Book is a fantastic movie - I just think it’s better than the criticism it attracted. The bulk of the criticism seemed to be mean spirited, referring obliquely to the fried chicken scene, and focussed on Peter Farrelly having a career in broad comedies and therefore not being a worthy match-up for Spike Lee, Alfonso Cuarón, etc. - plus also the obvious laughs to be had from Farrelly being forced to apologise for flopping his dick out ‘as a joke’ on the set of There’s Something About Mary (because haha his penis is so small and gross haha that’s the real joke). Hatred of Green Book has become a fun meme for Twitter. 

I don’t believe Morris is writing this stuff for his own amusement, or to be contrary, or as some kind of performative wokeness. He seems very genuine - he went to see Green Book again just to check he really disliked it. He seems hurt and troubled by the movie. The best I can get to is that maybe I’m wrong for feeling optimistic and liking the kind of movie where everyone can be friends. I am very open to accepting that there is something I won’t ever really understand about racial politics in America - and if that’s the case I may not be equipped to properly defend Green Book. 

(This is someone’s cue to make a movie about an Australian blogger who doesn’t think she’ll ever get American racial politics and then - on a yoga retreat in Texas, in the midst of a bird flu/zombie apocalypse, has to team up with a wheelchair-bound black politician (who was at the retreat to treat herself after a very stressful primary election). And then I the blogger becomes her driver, fleeing the flesh-hungry birds across the Texan plains, heading who knows where, but always squinting into the sun. We’ll They’ll saw the top off a Land Rover and restore a Civil War-era gattling gun to make it a death Jeep and the hair in our their armpits will grow long. It ends with us them howling like wolves and eating raw zombie birds. It will win many awards and annoy much of film twitter because the movie should have been about the black woman’s election and the blogger should have been eaten by the reanimated birds.)

[morningmindsetpodcast-blog]

MM189 - Bohemian Rhapsody

The recently released biography film about Queen and Freddie Mercury will mean different things to different people. Paul will share what the movie meant to him during this episode of Morning Mindset.

If you like the show, please check out our Official Morning Mindset Merchandise!

Episode Transcription

[INTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Welcome to Morning Mindset. A daily dose of practical wit and wisdom with a professional educator & trainer, Amazon best selling author, United States Marine, Television, and Radio host, Paul G. Markel. Each episode will focus on positive and productive ways to strengthen your mindset and help you improve your relationships, career goals, and overall well-being. Please welcome your host; Paul G. Markel.

*Professor Paul*

Hello, welcome back. It's that time again for Morning Mindset, and today I'm going to do something. That's a little bit topical. I know that I try and keep these Universal. I've always tried to do that so that no matter when you listen to it, whether it's sometime in the distant future or recent past or what have you. That it will apply and I'm taking a little bit of a risk because this is going to be a bit of a pop culture reference the movie Bohemian Rhapsody the movie by the title of that name was just recently released.

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It’s a biography film about the band Queen and their lead singer Freddie Mercury who died in 1991, and that I took my son my son and I went and we watched the movie this past weekend and I really enjoyed it and one of the reasons I really enjoyed it or I believe I did was because the music of Queen was. Very very important in my childhood. It was very popular. They were at the height of their Fame right during my formative years the late 1970s on into the 80s and that's when they were they released.

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We will rock you and news of the world and the game with another one bites the dust and under pressure with David Bowie and so on and so forth. A lot of big songs that obviously got a lot of AirPlay and if you're if you're anyone and I don't know about young people today, I mean, I guess they do but everybody since the invention of the radio has had a soundtrack to their youth.

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Whether you know, I remember when I was a young child, you know in like elementary school early Elementary School. I remember my dad and my mom listening to what was called at the time oldies stations. That's right. You know my mom and dad I'm driving around in the car and the in the station wagon in the backseat and my parents were listening to them.

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At the time was called the oldies station and what was on the oldies station music from the 50s and 60s. I don't have do they still have radio stations that they call the oldies stations. I don't know if they do. I think at the current thing is classic rock. Alright, classic rock is for people in their 40s and 50s and maybe even 60s.

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So, you know Chuck Berry and basically the music you would have heard on the TV show. Happy Days. That was the soundtrack of my mom and dad's generation and my soundtrack included a lot included Ted Nugent and the romantics and The Knack and My Sharona and of course a lot of the big bands and so forth, but my soundtrack also included Queen now the movie is going to mean different things to different people a young person.

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Who never knew the band Queen as an active band now, I understand that Brian May and Roger Taylor that they have done special concerts and they've done some tours and they put together some music. They worked with Paul Rodgers and some other artists, but essentially. After Freddie Mercury passed away after his death the original quartet the original four guys and the creative magic that they were able to, you know, put together ended with his death and if you're under 30, you never knew of him of queen or pretty Mercury being alive.

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I mean, he's been dead for not quite 30 years now, so think about that. You're talking to somebody that's 28-29 years old. It's music basically to them its history in them and they'll they may see this picture and think that the picture somehow is a call for like, gay rights advocacy or what have you, and I'm afraid what's going to get lost in that is the fact that the band, like many of the great acts from the 60s 70s 80s.

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I know like I still like a classic rock as 60s 70s 80s into Ding you. These bands it what there was no American Idol back. Then there was no Dancing with the Stars. There was no America's Got Talent or the there was none of that you had teenagers that that just had passion and drive and some of them have actually had genuine talent and some of these people with Talent found each other, and through that passion and drive and sacrifice, you know all the old bands that you consider to be of the super bands. If you look at their stories, they weren't handpicked by a studio Executives didn't go out and recruit all these people to assemble them as a band and put them out in front of the world.

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Now, they did things like, you know, they played a gig at a nightclub for. You know fifty dollars and they had to divide the $50 for ways and pay their bar tab and pay for their fuel and gas and by the time they did all that they basically had played for free if you were able to watch some of these documentaries of the original bands, you know, rush or queen or you know, the who or you name it a lot of these bands these guys were just paying their dues they were struggling they were sacrificing and a lot of, for instance that in the band Queen all of the guys in the band Brian May, Brian May was like a physicist who studies like, astrophysics and I can't remember John Deacon was electrical engineering and then oh and Roger Taylor was studying to be a dentist. So they weren't idiots. They weren't bombs, but they sacrificed.

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In order to achieve something that many people by will look at today and say it was pretty great. They put everything together and they became a talent that even though they haven't made our produce new music for 30 years or more. So almost 30 years people are still listening to and appreciating today, and that is what I would hope that people would get from the movie Bohemian Rhapsody the fact that I know there's a human drama, you know, there's the and you have to have that in movies. You have to have drama in the movies to keep it interesting for the audience. You can't just tell the story exactly as it was because most people story exactly as it was isn't that interesting but in this situation.

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I really hope that the genius, the musical genius, and talent of Freddie Mercury and Brian May and Roger Taylor and John Deacon, but that's not lost. But it's not lost behind this Hollywood contrived, you know, political correctness. Shall we say or social Consciousness or whatever the fact that matter is it for individuals came together?

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They had, they took their individual talents. They combine them with the others and they came up with something that was tremendous something that we can enjoy today and years and years and years later, I mean. Started in the early 1970s and here we are today appreciating and enjoying the music that they left us and one other thing that I came away with and many of you if you watch them.

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If you listen to this program if you listen to Morning Mindset and you watch the movie, and then if you're a geek like me and after the movie, you went and watch the behind the scenes interviews with Brian May and Roger Taylor and you know the actors that were involved at and so forth and a lot of people are very sad that that. Freddie Mercury, he contracted he contracted HIV and he died of pneumonia in 1991 and he was only 45 years old and people feel felt.

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It was a tragedy that we've lost him. So relatively early in his life and it was but Brian May and Roger Taylor are now in a position to do what.  you know, they lost their friend. But they're here to tell the story. Sometimes you are the story and sometimes it's up to you to be the Storyteller right now.

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You're drawn oxygen on planet Earth. You are working on your story and someday your story will be told and that was exactly what went down in the movie Bohemian Rhapsody. So it's rated PG-13 if you're worried about I wouldn't take young kids to see it. Certainly teenagers Junior High and older kids, I would take to see it. I hope you guys go to see it and I hope you enjoy the music and the experience. Alright, ladies and gentlemen, that is that I am your host Paul Markel, and I will talk to you again real soon.

[OUTRO]

♫ Trenches by Pop Evil ♫

*Alex*

Thank you for spending time with us today. To get show notes, submit a topic request, for more from your host Paul G. Markel, visit MorningMindsetPodcast.com. That’s MorningMindsetPodcast.com. Please leave a review of this podcast on your favorite podcast player, we appreciate your time & effort, and we look forward to reading your honest feedback.

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