#oh big sexy lightbulb man whatever you say ;)

[ticking-time-away]

Ready to give myself to the new Tumblr Sexyman™︎ Mr Luxbulb @weaver-z

[jensungf]

𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 & 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐄 ♥︎ 𝐥.𝐣𝐧

summary: sugar or spice? you decide what the ‘s’ in today’s episode of j♥︎smr stands for ;) ft. the pocky challenge gone wrong?

pairing: fem!reader + asmr youtuber!jeno  genre: boyfriend!au + fluff + suggestive content!!!! + some humor cus i think im funny word count: 2.4k  warnings: allusions to sex, making out lol

author’s note: soooo uh first time for everything aka writing sum suggestive hehe thank you mary @neostains for reading over this!!! and @gohyuck for helping make the title!! can you tell i’m whipped for jeno??? bc i definitely can.

“jenooooo,” you flopped over onto your stomach as your eyes followed the outline of boyfriend’s jawline, drinking in every part of his handsome face until you found his eyes. his rimmed glasses were perched on top of his nose as he mindlessly scrolled through his phone, not even bothering to look up. typical, you thought with pursed lips and a side-eye directed at your un-attentive idiot of a boyfriend. “what, baby?”

you sighed, outstretching your body on the bed before rolling over to look at him again. you prop yourself up on your elbow with your head rested in the palm of your hand. “i’m bored,” you whined.

“okay, what do you want to do?” he asked without missing a beat. it was already past noon, and as per your agreement before moving in together, sundays were strictly saved to stay in and relax. but for some reason, you were just itching to get out of bed.

you pondered over your options before exhaling in exasperation. “i have no idea! you figure it out.”

you didn’t even didn’t bother to bat an eyelash when you heard his immediate suggestion to go biking, instead groaning at your boyfriend’s obsession with the pastime. he never liked to leave the house unless it was the gym or going out to do something physical, much to your dismay.

“jeno, as much as i love you and my bike, my legs might give out if i even try to move from our bed,” you huffed, lips jutted out as you glanced down to your legs. goddamn, were they sore.

you groaned externally at the tension in your overworked muscles. you even had trouble getting up to make breakfast today. jeno had awoken to your whimpers of pain as you struggled to walk to the restroom, and instead of asking if you were okay, he had immediately burst out in laughter at your misery. your incessant whines prompted him to carry you back to bed after you finished washing up in the restroom, and he had sweetly brought you breakfast in bed with a side of cuddles to make up for what you deemed was “all his fault.” not that it actually was, but you weren’t going to admit that.

he finally lifted his eyes from the luminescent phone screen to your figure sprawled on the other side of your shared king size bed, his lips curling to a smug grin as he reached over to let his fingers graze your smooth legs. “wow, is my baby that sore?”

“yeah, yeah, whatever mister muscle pig. not all of us have the stamina of a horse,” you sniggered, pouting. you could never understand how strong and built jeno could be despite sharing almost the same diet as you. just your luck.

jeno’s smirk grew as leaned over, his warm breath tickling your ear. his voice dropped down multiple octaves as he whispered, “watch it princess, that’s not what you were saying last ni—“

you suddenly sat up, effectively cutting him as your boyfriend recoils to avoid bonking noggins with you. “wait, i know!” you announce, the sound of your boyfriend’s voice attempt to sound sexy suddenly triggering a lightbulb in your brain.

“hey! i was trying to say something,” he complained, causing you to roll your eyes.

“oh, please, your hormones can wait, big boy.”

he shot you a look of annoyance as you grinned mischievously, crawling over to his side. he gulped as he saw your oversized t-shirt ride up a bit, exposing more of your skin. you leaned in towards him, causing him to drop his phone, as the mere scent of you engulfed his senses. the sultry look on your face and your hot breath fanning against his ear caused goosebumps to prickle throughout every inch of his skin, and his breath hitched.

you whispered, “why don’t we—”

you paused as jeno’s smirk returned, biting his lip in anticipation.

“— do jsmr?” you finished with a laugh.

jeno groaned as his anticipation immediately died down. he shot you an incredulous look. “really, baby?”

“yes! now get your booty up!” you barked, tugging on his biceps to no avail. jeno sighed and bit back a smile before he got out of bed, shuffling his feet across the room. before you could cackle in delight, you felt your body being lifted off of the bed as jeno’s strong arms carried you bridal-style into the corridor. your arms flailed for a split-second before relaxing in his embrace. “show off,” you scoffed as your arms reached to circle around his neck.

he snorted. “aren’t you happy i’m a muscle pig?” you smiled and pressed a sloppy kiss to his cheek.

“my man,” you drawl out sarcastically, squeezing his muscles and poking his chest jokingly.

jeno walked into the living room, carefully setting you down on the couch before heading into the kitchen. “what do you want to eat, babe?” he asked.

“on second thought, i’m actually not that hungry.”

jeno’s head whirled to your direction, “seriously? again?” you laughed at your boyfriend’s raised eyebrows and eyes bulging out of his sockets at your incessant teasing.

“i’m kidding, you can choose.”

jeno mumbled under his breath, “how ridiculous— we just went shopping last week— did jisung eat the ice cream again?” as he looked through the fridge. you couldn’t help but snort at how quickly your groceries had disappeared after a single visit by the boys. he rummaged through the pantry before a small aha! escaped his lips, having found the boxes of pocky you both stashed in the secret compartment of your pantry (yes, secret compartment, because everyone knew how quickly the boys would raid your food the moment they even stepped into the apartment). you decide to set up the camera and tripod, fiddling around and fishing for jeno’s set of microphones and earbuds from the desk.

“hey babe, where did you put the earbuds?” you called out. you bit your lip as you dug through the drawers, struggling to find where you had put your earbuds. “i’ll get it,” he responded.

you returned to the living room and admired your handiwork as you finished setting up the equipment. jeno returns with the snacks and earbuds.

“are you ready?” he asked, and you nodded your head eagerly as he reached over to start the camera, the red light flashing as the timer started.

“hi everyone!” you whispered-screamed, causing jeno to wince away from you. you bit back a laugh at your boyfriend’s anguished face and jeno sighed, continuing. “hi guys, welcome back to another episode of jsmr—“

“plus y/n!” you piped up. “today, we’re going to be doing the pocky challenge!” you announce excitedly despite only whispering.

“wait, what?” jeno’s volume is forgotten, causing both of you to flinch. “shhh, jeno!” you scolded.

he gave you an unamused look. “i wasn’t aware of this though!” he protested. you grinned cheekily before turning to the camera. “surprise! did you guys like his reaction??”

as much as you weren’t a huge fan of being in his videos, you figured it would be fun to let go for once and mess with your boyfriend.

jeno sighed and decided to go along with you, another idea formulating in his head. “anyway— i guess we’re doing the pocky challenge today,” he mumbled disdainfully. you beamed at his words before softly grabbing a box of pocky off the table and showcasing it to the camera. jeno grabs your hand and you both start messing with the packaging before jeno begins to whisper again.

“today we have the strawberry pocky— sorry jaems, this isn’t for you,” said jeno. you both carefully open the box, trying to stifle your laughter as the decibel meter suddenly turns red. you smack jeno as he fails to keep quiet, and he returns the favor by tickling you. thanks to your competitive streak with jeno, you both had decided to dare each other to see who could open it the quietest with the loser having to play overwatch with hyuck. you had easily won of course, skillfully and stealthily opening the box.

jeno begins grumbling, realizing he would have to suffer hours trying to beat donghyuck at overwatch, which unfortunately, happened to not be his favorite video game. “not my fault you suck,” you taunted. he retaliated by extending his hand out to cover your mouth, effectively shutting you up as he turned the camera with his signature eye smile.

you punched his stomach after prying his hand off of you, and glared at him.

“and that, my friends, is why i’m the best at asmr,” you gloat victoriously, pretending to snobbily ignore your boyfriend with a childish “hmph!”  

jeno sighed in defeat. “i let her win, don’t be fooled.” jeno rolls his eyes with a smile.

“nah, that just means he’s whipped for me,” you raise your eyebrows suggestively at your boyfriend. he grins and attacks your sides with tickles, causing you to scream and fight against him as your earbuds fall out. both of you burst into laughter. you squirmed away to no avail as your boyfriend’s strong arms held you back. you both regain your composure before returning your attention back to the camera.

jeno was usually not this touchy on camera, choosing to keep your relationship private, making you silently wonder if he was actually going to upload this. you narrowed your eyes suspiciously as your innocently oblivious boyfrined. he grabs your earbuds and helps you fix your disheveled appearance with jabs about how crazy you looked, leading you to grab a piece of pocky and shoving it in his mouth to get him to shut up.

“anyways, for anyone who doesn’t know what the pocky challenge is— it’s basically a challenge where you have a piece of pocky, and two people eating it from each end,” you explained, voice dropping back down to a whisper.

jeno finishes the pocky and nods, leaning into the microphone to continue, “the first person whose mouth moves off the stick loses. you have to get to the middle first to win. if the participants end up kissing, it is a tie.” he makes a funny face at the camera at the mention of kissing, wriggling his eyebrows as he wrinkles his nose in fake disgust. you slap his arm, sniggering. whoever said he wasn’t funny was blind, you thought in amusement at your boyfriend’s childish antics.

you turn to your boyfriend, your competitiveness igniting a fire in your eyes. “are you ready to lose, babe?” you mock haughtily. you crossed your ears and jutted your chin away from him dramatically.

“only in your dreams, sweetheart,” jeno shot back teasingly, his eyes crinkling.

“hah, you wish.” you position the strawberry-covered biscuit between your lips to firmly secure your end of the stick. you motion for jeno to get closer, as he daintily places the other end of the pocky above his supple bottom lip. you steady yourself by holding onto his broad shoulders, and began by taking the first bite, lips slowly inching towards jeno’s. the air in the room is thick with tension as you stare down jeno’s determined eyes. he was trying his best not to downright laugh at how adorable you were right now, his competitiveness consuming him as he plotted another plan in the back of his mind.

not a sound could be heard throughout the silent room, only the deep breathing and sound of the biscuit being broken into pieces. your body stiffened. you could feel his breath getting closer to yours and smell the slight whiff of his cologne and the laundry detergent despite the strong artificial smell of strawberry. jeno’s gaze was locked on your face, his body unmoving except for his head and mouth, leaning closer and closer to you. you both inched towards one another, and you were almost at the middle, at victory, when—

jeno abruptly bit off a huge piece of pocky before connecting his lips with yours. you pull back in surprise and finish the remaining piece of biscuit before realizing what had happened.

this idiot really just cheated.

you open your mouth to shout at him yet the indignant shrieks on the tip of your tongue are suddenly swallowed by his plush lips pressed against yours. all signs of protest leave your body as you get lost in the sweet taste of your boyfriend. as your hands found purchase in his hair, the earbuds fall out without a second thought, long forgotten. your eyes flutter shut and you melt into the kiss, hands moving down to loop around his neck and rest at his nape.

it felt like jeno knew you like the back of his hand, knowing every one of your weak spots as he cupped your jaw with one hand and traced circles with the pad of his thumb onto your cheek. his hands soon wander to snake under the shirt that you were wearing (which oh so conveniently happen to be his) to rest comfortably against your hips; his touch cool against the warmth of your skin.

you sighed contentedly as you both parted to take a breath of air. after a brief moment, jeno takes another opportunity to reattach his lips, his tongue slipping past your lips to savor the sweetness of the tart strawberry flavor. you part your lips more, simply by instinct, to allow the kiss to deepen, and you can’t help but moan a little. his kisses soon turn needier by the second, with you gripping onto the nape of his neck and with him pulling you into his lap. his tongue explored your mouth with lazy yet languid motions, and you pull away breathlessly.

jeno smirks at your dazed face before he swoops in, not giving you a chance to stay away for long.

“you.” peck. “lose.” peck.

jeno mumbles more incoherent words into your skin, peppering kisses from your lips to everywhere else on your face. he moves down to leave a trail of wet kisses from your jawline to your neck. you tilt your head back to allow him more access to your throat as he begins sucking your skin, his teeth lightly grazing each sweet spot. his fingers dance from your hips down to grab your ass as you grind into his lap more, earning jeno the pleasure of hearing your small whine. you exhale blissfully as splotches of red and purple begin blooming all across your neck.

suddenly the gleaming light catches your attention. you gasp and smack jeno, causing him to pout and halt in his ministrations. “what?” he asks almost irritatedly— only to see you point at the camera.

“oh my god— it’s still rolling!” you shriek.

you cover your red, swollen lips and feel your face turn hot as jeno stares blankly. realization settles in before his mouth drops in shock, ears turning red.

he had forgotten about the camera.

jeno quickly reaches over to shut it off as you stare in horror. he scratches his neck awkwardly as you groan and slump back on the couch. jeno suddenly becomes amused at your reaction despite his embarrassment. as much as he didn’t expect for his little stunt to ruin the competition to go this far, he had to enjoy the fact that he managed to make you go from brimming with confidence to a flustered and unsurprisingly, turned on mess.

“what is it, babe? are you really that embarrassed?” he teased, his crescent eyes gazing in adoration at you.

you turn to look at jeno in shock, your mouth agape.

“jeno, we almost made a sex tape!”

[italicwatches]

I Couldn’t Become a Hero, so I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job - Episode 01

I regret nothing. …Well, I say that now. I’m not entirely sure if this show will be any good, but it’s one whose title has had me curious for a while. Will it be silly and fun, or will it, I don’t know, turn super rapey or something? You never really know when you go down this road. So join me, won’t you? it’s I Couldn’t Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job, episode 01! Here we GO!

-We begin with fire and brimstone. A volcano erupting! And then, to a temple ruins! It’s a scene right out of an incredibly anime version of Jason and the Argonauts, as our armored hero fights against a batch of skeleton w…knights, only for a harpy to come swinging in! He’s saved by a woman…in…

-Okay it’s one of these.

-Because that wouldn’t even qualify as Sexy Samurai in a decade-old shitpost video. So our hero, Raul Chaser, is willing to rely onYUP THERE GOES HER ARMOR. So she’s like Darkness but without the joke that she’s into this kind of treatment. A small army of skeletal archers pour on the arrows…When lightning comes down from the skies, brought by their other companions! Fight, war, and reach the giant leading this army! Strike him down, and they pass the exam! The woman races in, sprints up the giant’s arm, rams her fucking sword into his EYE…

-And Raul backs her up with his RAUL SLASH, carving deep through…

-Hard cut to the light of day. The hero school has been shut down. Demon Lord got defeated(probably by some fucker from another world), sooooo they don’t need to keep training brave heroes. They’re all fucked. They’re fuuuuuucked.

-Episode 01: I Couldn’t Be a Hero, so I’m Working the Register

-Hard cut to the Leon Magic Shop, where Raul has to sell suburban couples on enchanted washing machines. Magically guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn stains! But they’re not interested.

-TITTIES.

-Meet a perky bubbly young lady, Nova, who does not realize how sexualized she is. I’m sorry. Anyways, Raul is in a bit of a bind, too, since he hasn’t gotten a raise and his credit card bill is coming up this week…When a nerd comes in looking for some vintage cassette tapes. You’re in luck, they have some…! And suddenly the store is mobbed by vintage audio enthusiasts here to buy out the entire stock. Then they’re gone as fast as they came…

-And you know what, I don’t think those tapes are super vintage. I just spotted totally-not-Kodak film behind the counter. I think this is just set in the 80s-90s equivalent of this world. Plus, after a hoodie-clad blonde comes in, the CRT television in the corner plays Conveniently Timed News about how the cassette maker I-ONE has gone out of business! They just couldn’t hold their own against cheaper, ‘good enough’ cassettes and equipment from the competition while still making a profit. It’s a legitimate tragedy whenever that happens.

-And the blonde is getting mad and wants them to get the manager right now…Which is when Nova runs off to handle inventory. Escape, Nova, escape while you can! So Raul is forced to do it…Which is when the blonde slams a resume down. And is here for an interview. When the blonde forgets the resume…And so Raul’s able to read it, and holy shit.

-Raul bursts into the interview room with the resume, because you cannot seriously be thinking of hiring the demon lord’s child, right boss? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?! You literally wrote it on your resume. W, Well, you’re supposed to tell the truth on those, aren’t you?! Anyways, busty lady boss has decided that Fino here will be joining the shop. It’ll be a good experience! Fino, Raul. Raul, Fino. Please get along.

-So soon Fino’s in the store, looking at all the stuff, and there’s some really cool things that humans have made. Like magicvision, and magic cassettes, and magic…You know what I’m just going to spoil it for you now. It’s 80s-90s level tech, made with magic. I’m not going to bother to specify anymore. It’s a fuckin’ TV, it’s cool that it works because of fairy dust or whatever but I’m calling it a TV. Anyways Fino never had a personal TV growing up in the Demon Castle, and is all oooooh and aaaah.

-Well, you know what else you didn’t have growing up in the Demon Castle? A broom. Get sweeping, rookie. …Yes sir! And then Convenient News comes back on to talk about the anniversary event for the demon lord’s defeat two years ago. Quick flashback, to how that day totally fucked Raul’s life. A young man, two steps away from a degree in a job that literally no longer existed overnight. His entire party was shattered. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and with crushing college debt, and nothing to show for it except broken dreams and a bitter envy of those who actually benefitted from the changing order…

-…Damn. That’s…Damn.

-Eventually it’s later in the day, and Raul is continuing to struggle with getting Fino to, you know, work like a proper employee…Also shocking twist Fino has long lovely hair. And that’s when a rough, tough…Dirty old man comes in off his slick dragon-pulled hotrod. And he’s here to peek up Nova’s skirt and grope that ass. Fino immediately decides this shit has to be stopped…When the old man reveals he’s gonna be buying a lightbulb. One lightbulb. Every time. The perfect excuse. And now Fino is…Shall we say, confused. Are humans like dogs? Is butt stuff just part of the communication?

-Does Fino need to bend over? Fino stop bending over. FINO NO. FINO PUT YOUR BUTT AWAY. NOVA DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS.

-Lunch break, at last. Raul is able to sit down and have some food from the convenience store…A place with some old friends who worry about the dork, and look after each other.

-Back in the store, the boss is talking to her assistant manager, Viser, and trying to explain her disinterest in bringing in another company into the shop…When they spot Raul working with Fino at the register, over the security cameras. And cut down to the actual register, where Raul’s decided that the actual core of Fino’s problems is a lack of respect. Rethink everything. Back to zero. This job means they are lesser than the customer. Yeah it sucks. Deal with it.

-…Fino doesn’t know how to do that. Well try on Raul. Okay! …Fino you’re being demonic again. This isn’t a battle, you stupid dork. Are you a chuuni or just stupid?

-Fino is just trying to copy how Dad used to talk! Your dad was, literally, a demon king. THE demon king. There is, quite literally, no worse example you could mimic for this lesson! …You know what, start with the manual. But first, come on, to the repair room. They also do repair work.

-Oooh, what’s that? It’s a toaster oven. And that?! A humidifier. And…And Fino touches the humidifier, and causes a surge of water, electricity and magical energy that knocks the poor idiot into the far wall! Raul’s stuck carrying Fino into the break room to figure out a plan that doesn’t involve calling a doctor and getting into trouble, and oh, great, a note from literally everyone else who works today listing their reasons they’re not here right now. Awesome. Just awesome.

-Right, first step, get these ruined clothes off of Fino. …Fino was not wearing anything under that hoodie. And that’s how a pair of big, bountiful, ladylike breasts come wobbling out.

-And that’s when Fino wakes up.

-So.

-This isn’t great for either party. And both of them are having a freakout, until the actual events that happened get all laid out. …Please put some fresh clothes on, Fino.

-And eventually, it’s the tail end of Fino’s first day, and she gets to have a uniform! Now sweep the walkway. By hand. With this broom. Welcome to working life, kid. When a sweet old lady passes by praising her hard work, and Fino thanks her, and the kid might just do okay in this world. Maybe.

-Night comes, and Raul stops at the convenience store for dinner, having a brief chat…But as he walks by the shop on his way home, the lights are on?

-Because Fino is in the back, washing down by hand in the sink?! What are you DOING?! She’s got no house, so this is her house now. …That’s not…That isn’t…You can’t just…Do you have any idea how terrible dish soap is for hair and skin? I’d question focusing on that angle over all the other things Fino’s done wrong here, but at the same time, I mean, there comes a point where you just have to find the smallest bite of the elephant.

-And as Raul helps her dry and generally make herself presentable, they end up talking about their own pasts. Raul, who came from a tiny village only to see all the great marvels of modernity in the city, and Fino who lived an even less modern life in the castle…Despite everything, there is a connection of friendship there, and Fino’s starting to learn human society. She might just do okay here yet.

-Credits!

-Aftercredits! Fino touches the turbo button on the hair dryer and…Uh…It makes a biiiiig boom. She has a scary amount of magic in a world that runs on the stuff.

Hmmmm. Well, it’s not so bad that I’m gonna drop it, but man, the fan service in this one is dense…And a lot of it is pure camera-work, too, not actions actually willingly undertaken by characters. It’s honestly a shame. There’s a lot of interesting conceptual meat in this. It really didn’t need big bouncing tits and panty shots everywhere to be a good show.

Oh well. Sometimes I watch super amazing stuff and my job is just to show that amazingness to you. Sometimes, I watch not-so-great stuff and my job is to separate off the good stuff and bring it together into a better piece. If this one’s more the latter, that’s fine. We’ll just have to get a better vibe on it next time, in episode TWO of I Couldn’t … Job! Wait for it!