#oh bother. gotta smack myself into refocusing. duty and obligation and goodness.
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I think if someone told me I was doing a good job, and I genuinely believed that they meant it, I would simply Pass Out
#the duality of fran#no this doesnt say anything abt me#im a chronically depressed eldest daughter with no self esteem and hypermoral ocd ofc i have a praise kink#gentle touch??? kind words that im capable of belieivng??? in THIS economy???#oh bother. gotta smack myself into refocusing. duty and obligation and goodness.#its fundamentally not about me!!!#thara says. i follow my calling. and that is what he uses to keep himself going#i just. i wish i knew what my purpose was. to be used up. ultimately. but how. i need specifics. directions#im very stubborn but im very good at taking orders. i can be good i promise#i am not so secretly a child desperate to be good and useful because that is safe and valued and cared for#everything costs something. its about owing and earning. when its me. because its me
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