#oh well. that's another pickle for another day to evaluate. i guess.

[ladyinthebluebox]

i'm starting to sense a certain pattern here...

[avengerscompound]

The Surrogate - Chapter 6

The Surrogate:  A Clintasha Fanfic

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Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Clint Barton x Natasha Romanoff x F!Reader

Word Count:  1569

Rating:  E

Warnings: Pregnancy talk, sex talk

Synopsis: A freak end of the world incident leads to meeting your two best friends, Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff.  While your friendship with the two Avengers is anything but conventional, they are your all-time favorite people.  When you find out that Clint and Natasha want to start a family but have exhausted all their options, you realize your powerset might allow you to give them what they want.  Having your best friends’ baby might seem like a good idea on paper, but when you are as close as you, Clint, and Natasha are, will doing something so intimate mean feelings get a little mixed up?

Chapter 6

It was another three months before Natasha and Clint actually took you up on the offer.  You had spent that time being very careful to not instigate anything physical between them during that time.  The kiss with Natasha had scared you a little.  You’d made the mistake of falling for someone because of a kiss before, and you weren’t about to do it again.  Not with everything that was at stake.  They were your best friends though, so you saw them regularly and the topic of babies came up a lot.  It was like everything they did made them think about becoming parents.  Sometimes it was a case of them thinking it was the worst idea ever and other times it was the only thing they wanted.

When they finally came to you it was with the same kind of nerves as the day you had made them the offer in the first place.  They were totally and completely sure you would have changed your mind.  When you said yes, they hugged you and Natasha had to hold back her tears all over again and the following day you started the preparations.  First, there was a psych evaluation to see if you were emotionally fit to act as a surrogate.  It made sense.  Being pregnant was a big deal and to then hand a baby over did take a special kind of person and if that person wasn't you, people would get hurt.  Next legal contracts were drawn up, looked over, and signed.  They include things like custody and medical cost and contact after the birth of the baby.

Finally, you have a long series of medical procedures to check if you were physically able to carry a child.  Including minor surgery so they could take a good look at your uterus.

All in all, it took around three months to get to the point that you and Natasha were going to be taking the fertility medication you needed.  And there was a lot of it.  Natasha had more than you.  Making enough eggs to harvest was harder than just having a place for one of those eggs to land.  Still, as you sat there talking about going on birth control just to get your cycles in sync before moving to estrogen and progesterone and tetracycline among all the other things involved, you realized that even getting to the point that you were pregnant in the first place wasn’t going to be easy.

“Now until the pregnancy is confirmed, both of you will have to be very careful about the sex you’re having,” the doctor said.  “When this procedure starts you will both be extremely fertile.  Use condoms, or avoid vaginal sex completely.  Do not rely on things like the pull out method.”

“I wasn’t relying on that anyway,” Natasha said.

“Well, just in case,” the doctor said.  “You’d be surprised what people think is okay.  But if either of you gets pregnant it will mean we can’t do this.”

“Right, we’ll be careful,” Clint said.  “Just blow jobs from now on.”

“Clint!”  Natasha yelped, elbowing him.

“What?  I’ll go down on you too,” he said defensively.

The doctor laughed.  “Well that would work fine,” she said.  “Starting now though.  I know I just put you both on birth control, but switching methods can create a period where neither work, so from now on, be extra careful.”

“We will,” Natasha assured her.

“Did you have any further questions?”  The doctor asked.

You and Natasha shook your heads.  “I think we’ve got it all for now.”

“Then I’ll see you in a month and we’ll move on to the next phase,” the doctor said.  “It was nice meeting you all.”

You, Natasha, and Clint headed back out of the doctor’s office and down to Cint’s lavender VW Beetle that was parked in the street.  “You wanna get something to eat before we head back?”

“Yeah, we better.  And next time I’m using the Quin,” Natasha said.  “I hate how long these appointments take.”

“I think it’ll be hard to find a parking spot for a fighter jet, Nat,” Clint teased.

“Well, good news,” you said as you all changed directions and began heading down the street.  “Once I’m pregnant it’s all being done in house.  This is just the specialist part.”

“God, imagine if you went into labor and we had to drive three hours to get you to the hospital,” Natasha said.

“Yeah, I’d probably kill you,” you agreed.  “I may be able to heal quickly, but I still fucking hate pain.”

Natasha chuckled and rubbed your back as you walked.  “You’re going to be so fun when you’re in labor.”

“Oh man,” you teased.  “I’m gonna make you both work so hard through the whole thing.  You’re gonna be getting called up in the middle of the night for you to go get me food I’m craving.”

“That’s okay, Clint gets up in the middle of the night to get food he’s craving already,” Natasha joked.

Clint draped his arm around your shoulder.  “Yeah, I’ll hook you up.  Pickles and ice cream.  Chips on pizza.  I’ve got your back,” he said.  “I have heard that pregnancy can make people pretty horny too.  I’ve got your back for that.”

You laughed and nudged him.  “Clint!”

“Yeah, Clint,” Natasha teased.  “If you’re doing it to her back, you’re doing it wrong.”

You and Clint burst out laughing and Clint altered your course so the three of you headed into a little pizza place with two-dollar slices.  The three of you got yourself slices and took a seat.  You could see people staring and whispering to each other as the three of you started eating.

“I keep forgetting that you’re both kinda famous,” you said.

“They probably just think I’m Thor or something,” Clint joked.

Natasha snored and nearly spat iced tea over both of you.  She grabbed a napkin and wiped her face and hands.  “That came out my nose, you idiot.”

Clint laughed hard.  “Oh man, I was going to say Steve, and last second I thought Thor would be better.”

“You keep dreaming, Clint,” you said patting his back.  “You know when we’re on these drugs we’re both going to be extra hormonal, so you have to be really nice to us and not annoy us at all.”

“I can be nice, but you’re out of luck when it comes to being annoying,” Clint teased.

“Yeah, there’s no way he can’t not be annoying,” Natasha said.  “What were you even thinking?”

“I guess, I wasn’t,” you laughed.  “Man, it feels like it’s taken so long just to get to this point, and now it’s only a couple of months and maybe I’ll be pregnant and that feels like so much time to wait.”

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” Natasha said.  “It still might not work.”

“I am so sure it will,” you said.  “This feels like it was meant to happen.”

Natasha took a deep breath and shook her head.  “I felt like that when I got pregnant even though I shouldn’t have been able to.  I felt like that when we applied to adopt.  There have been so many times that I got my hopes up only for them to be smashed apart.  I can’t do it again.  Until there’s a baby in my arms, I have to keep my heart safe.”

Clint took her hand and held it against his heart.  “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry, Nat,” you said, reaching over the table and taking her other hand.  “I’m just excited for you both and I just feel so sure.”

“I know,” Natasha said, softly.  “I know.  But I have to protect myself because … I’m me and I keep going.  I have to.  But I can’t let myself be vulnerable like that again.  It’ll kill me.”  She shook her head and squeezed your hand.  “But I am so grateful to you.  You have no idea what this means to me that you’re willing to do this for us.”

“You guys changed my life,” you said, honestly.  “In a good way.  I had these powers but I didn't know what to do with them.  I kept thinking it was all good and well I could heal myself but it was so self-serving.  I felt like I'd been given a gift but it was completely useless because all it meant was I could watch all these other people getting sick or hurt and I got a free pass.  Then you gave me direction and purpose.  And you became my friends.  I want this so badly for you.”

Natasha blinked her eyes.  “Alright.  Alright.  We have to go, I cannot start crying with a huge audience.”

Clint hugged her and kissed the top of her head.  “Aww, my tough badass girlfriend.”

“That’s right,” Natasha said, getting up. “I’ll kick your ass if you’re not careful.”

“He’d probably thank you,” you said getting up and following her out.

Clint gathered up the trash and threw it in a can, before chasing after you both.  “Hell yeah, I would.  Thank you, mistress.”

“Oh my god,” Natasha laughed as Clint draped his arms around both of your shoulders.  “I’m not even on the hormone injections and you’re annoying me.”

Clint kissed her cheek and pulled her tighter to him.  “Just imagine how bad it’s going to be when you’re on them.”

// NEXT

[johannstutt413]

(requested by calligomiles)

“Good morning, Scavenger!” Provence and Grape sat down across from the Zalak at the end of the table, the large wolf on guard even as they crunched several bones in their mouth. “Got a minute?”

“Sure.” She didn’t sound terribly happy about it.

The Lupo smiled. “Great! What about tomorrow night?”

“...Yeah?” Another one of Provence’s outings, perhaps? “Going somewhere?”

“Actually, I’m asking for a friend. I was hoping to introduce you two.”

Oh. Well, that made sense - they’d already had their DTR, and the Sniper was dating the Doctor. What was she planning, though? “You know how I feel about chitchat.”

“That’s why I want you two to hang out! You’re both so quiet and broody.” Provence dodged a sunflower seed flicked at her. “Sorry, but seriously. I think you two will understand each other.”

“...Fine. Where?” She unwrapped a granola bar as she popped a few more sunflower seeds in her mouth.

The Sniper cheered, pumping her fist as Grape yipped. “Hey, don’t talk with your mouth full~ We’ll meet at that dive bar you told me about.”

“Just the four of us?” Scavenger replied to the questioning look with a shrug. “You, your friend, me, and the Doctor?”

“Oh, gotcha. He’s busy tonight, but I’ll probably have Grape with me still. Today’s their walking day. Isn’t that right?” Another yip, but this time followed by a bark.

The mercenary followed the wolf’s gaze, spotting another Lupo fast approaching. “Red.”

“Eeeek! Where?!” As she spun around to look, the counter-Lupo sprinted for the table- only to get her coat pinned to the table by a crossbow bolt. “Eh?”

“Wow. Good shot.”

Provence looked at the Zalak who’d complimented her. “That wasn’t me!”

“I know.” She grabbed her trash, pocketing the rest of her snacks. “See you for dinner.”

“Oh. Well, bye! See you tonight!” With that, the Sniper hopped onto her wolf’s back, and the two rode out of the cafeteria.

From across the cafeteria, in her hunters’ blind of a corner, another Sniper was disassembling her crossbow. A close call; if Red had reached her target, tonight’s casual meeting might’ve accidentally turned into a full-blown date…

A few hours later, Scavenger showed up to her favorite hole-in-the-wall and found the corner circle-bench with the conspicuous pair of purple fluff balls at it; there, she found Provence and Grape, as expected...and an Elafia whom she’d never seen before. “Evening.”

“Evening.” Firewatch’s reply barely reached the Zalak’s ears as she sat next to her - after all, she couldn’t sit in Grape’s spot.

“I got here early, so there’s appetizers coming any time now. Anyway!” Provence rubbed her hands together. “Scavenger, this is Firewatch. She’s one of the sharpest sharpshooters in Rhodes Island.”

A light bulb clicked in the Zalak’s mind. “That was you earlier.”

“It was.” Her eyes were swiveling around the restaurant, seemingly on the lookout for someone or something.

“Really? Thanks for helping me out there - if she’d gotten into my tail, I wouldn’t have been able to make it-” Mid-sentence, her phone began to chirp. “Oh, that’s the Doctor! I’ll be right back!” Grape followed the Lupo as she dashed outside.

The remaining pair didn’t say a word for a few pin-drop quiet moments, glancing at each other occasionally and locking eyes more than once. Eventually, a waitress arrived with a plate of appetizers and a notepad. “While I’m here, can I get you any drinks this evening?”

“Water,” Firewatch replied, giving their server a once-over before resuming her visual patrol.

“Still on the job?” Scavenger shrugged. “Bottle of crystal oat, warm.”

The server wrote “one water, one Scavenger Special” before flashing them a smile. “I’ll be right back with those.”

“That makes two of you,” the Zalak muttered, helping herself to some fried pickles.

“...She recognized you.” The Elafia noted as she took some appetizers for herself. “Provence said you come here often.”

She frowned. “She did, huh? Yeah, I do.”

“Does it help?”

“Help with that?” The frown turned into a glare, not at Firewatch but the seat across from them. “Did she tell you that, too?”

The Sniper shook her head. “She didn’t need to.”

“Hmmph. She said we’d understand each other. Know what she meant by that?” Scavenger had to wonder just how much this girl could actually see.

“Loss.” The word hung in the air, suspending time for a moment. “How many?”

The Zalak sighed. She should’ve ordered something stronger. “One. You?”

“Thirty-seven.” Each and every face passed across her mind’s eye, as they always did.

“A lot more, then.” The mercenary slid the tray away from her, further into the center of the table. “You win the contest.”

Firewatch was no longer looking around the restaurant; she’d found her target. “What was her name?”

“...Lyla.”

“Mmm.” The waitress from before chose that moment to bring them their drinks. “Thank you. One crystal oat, please.”

She blinked. “Sure thing. Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” both replied, having resumed looking at each other.

“Alright, then.” Another few notes. “I’ll be back.”

Scavenger popped the top on her bottle with the steak knife they’d provided for anything but that. “Change your mind? No one else drinks this stuff.”

“I used to.” This time, the waitress came back almost immediately, and with a bottle opener.

“Gotcha.” She knew she wasn’t lying, but it was a weird coincidence. “Well, to living for the dead.”

The Elafia clinked her bottle with the Zalak’s. “To living for the dead.”

“Sorry about that!” A few minutes later, a flustered Provence returned with her wolf. “Oh, Firewatch, I didn’t know you drink.”

“Rarely,” she replied with a hiccup.

The mercenary smirked. “That’d be why, I’m guessing.”

“The bubbles *hic* always do this.” Firewatch shook her head. “Soda *hic* does the same thing.”

“That’s kinda cute, honestly,” the Lupo observed, glancing at the Zalak as she did.

Scavenger raised an eyebrow at her in return. “What?”

“Oh, nothing.” She turned to the Elafia, who was also giving her a look. “What?”

“Your *hic* shirt’s backwards.”

Provence looked down, eyes widening. “It is? The lights were on, how di- no it isn’t.”

“...Heh.” The avenger’s all-too brief chuckle was interrupted by another hiccup. “I knew it.”

“I-it was an emergency.” The Lupo looked over to Scavenger for backup.

All she got was another, longer chuckle. “He’s busy, huh?”

“L-look, it’s not like that, really!” The Zalak started laughing louder. “What’s so funny?”

“You’re so easy to tease *hic*,” Firewatch replied before finishing her bottle.

The mercenary shook her head, steadily calming down. “She really is. Happy with your matchmaking mission?”

“I should’ve stayed at his office.” That set the Elafia off, which caused Scavenger to start laughing again. “Was I right, at least?”

“Maybe,” she managed through her snickering as the avenger quietly dissolved in her corner.

The other Sniper leaned against Grape. “Good. Have you guys eaten yet? I’m starving.”

“Now that you mention it.” The Zalak glanced around, looking for their waitress. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Gossiping with the *hic* cook. Oh, it’s been a- *hic* -while.” Firewatch took a long drink of water to reset herself.

Scavenger waved her empty bottle around. “Yeah, same here. What was that about us being ‘mopey’ earlier, Prov?”

“I probably just missed it.” She shook her head. “This is a lot nicer, though. Oh, I hope she gets here soon.”

“She’s on her way. *yawn*” The Elafia blinked slowly; she’d had plenty to eat already.

The Lupo cocked her head. “Early shift today?”

“Just full.” The avenger looked at the Zalak’ carefully for a moment. “Scavenger?”

“Sure.” She slid closer so Firewatch could set her head on her shoulder.

Provence beamed. “Aww~”

“Well, if there were any doubts before.” The mercenary yawned, too. “Ah, damnit...I should probably call it a night. Long shift tomorrow.”

“Me, too,” the Sniper on her shoulder agreed, sliding an arm around hers.

Scavenger blushed. “I can take you home, I guess.”

“Thanks.” She opened her steadily-closing eyes to look at the Lupo across from her. “You, too.”

“Happy to help! I’ll cover the bill, you two go on ahead.”

The Zalak nodded, carefully helping Firewatch to her feet. “Thanks. See you around.”

“Yep, sure thing!” As the pair left the bar, Provence sighed. “Good - I didn’t want to order something here before my real date.”

The mercenary knew her way around the Island well enough to not need to ask where her date’s room was, and fortunately for them, it wasn’t far enough away to need a cart. Approaching the door, Scavenger nudged the dozing doe who’d been leaning against her the entire time. “We’re here.”

“Mmhmm...” She slipped her keycard over the lock but didn’t push the door open herself.

“You really are tired, aren’t you?” The Zalak sighed, leading her across the threshold. “Huh. Nice place - plenty of corners. Where’s your room?”

Firewatch waved in a direction. “Over there.”

“Cool. You um...you mind if I stay the night? Your place is closer to where I need to be in the morning.”

“Go ahead.” The Elafia pulled her into her bedroom with her but let go to fall into bed. “Goodnight.”

Scavenger took a moment to evaluate her situation before asking, “You want me on the couch or-”

“Mmm.” She slapped the bed.

“Good.” The Zalak slipped off her shoes before collapsing onto the mattress as well. “Night.”

The avenger said nothing as she found the mercenary’s hand before falling asleep.

[watsonundercover]

Definition of Soulmates

Summary; after having the worst day of Ambrose’ life a surprise twist walks in and catches her heart in ways she’s never expected, for Dimitri, finding the right girl has always been a challenge because he knows he’s heard her before in the back of his mind,

Author’s Note; I’ve based the character Dimitri off of Tom Holland, so I guess this is a bit of a fanfic in that sense. I love the name Ambrose but you can slip your own name and description in if you want!

 Part One

The Market I work in has to be 1500 feet at most, its small but packs a punch given we have two coolers’ for supplies a back area for prep and a small office space taking up a third of the store. The last two thirds are where customers roam amongst the veggies and a small grocery aisle that I know like the back of my hand. Daily I look over it, making sure the shelves are as full as possible since we only order when we fully run out of something.

“What do you think Ambross?” My manager asks he surveys the cereals. “Think we should go for five and take the deal they’re offering?” He constantly gets my name wrong despite me making him sound it out. I also go by Brosie to most.

“I think we could. Tomorrow the rest will come off since it’s the beginning of the week.” I say and kick a milk carton as a make shift step stool in front of some of the honeys. I pull down a box from the top of the shelf to fill up some wildflower honey.

“Good point, which flavours go fastest?” he asks. Lee has noticed that I observe everything and in my two years here figured out the patterns of sales.

“I would say that Chocolate rice stuff, the peanut butter balls and….” My head snaps around as my ears pick up a crash at the end of the aisle. A wail is then coming out a small child, Mum is picking them up and looking at Lee and I with apologetic eyes. Then I see and smell it. The little one dropped a jar of pickled beets. Leaving my honey on the step stool I go and grab a bag from the front cash to get the debris into. Lee without a word has gone to the back to get the mop.

“I’m so sorry.” Mom says as I get on my knees to get up the beats and glass.

“It’s alright.” I say with a smile. “Little ones are usually way too curious with what’s on the bottom shelves, I keep telling my boss we should have unbreakable things there.” I stand with most of the glass in the bag, Lee appears with the mop to get up the juice, making it easier for me to see the last of the broken glass. I step to the side where the Mom is. The little boy now at eye level with me. “You wanted to know what those were huh?” I ask with a lighter tone to him. He nods and curls into her. I’m guessing he’s not even three.

“Brosie there’s some glass there.” Lee says and I bend to snatch it up. “Oh shoot….”

“Ah!” I gasp and yank my hand back as a piece of glass that Lee nor I didn’t see jabs into my hand.  It’s dug in deep enough a steady flow of blood to come out.

“Back now.” Lee orders and I pass him the bag to go into the back to get a wad of paper towel to get the bleeding to stop. There my co worker and friend Ana comes in for the start of her shift. She takes in the sight of me and yanks out on of her head phones.

“You okay?” She asks.

“Cut my hand.” I say. “Broken jar. Was cleaning it but…” She cuts me off by coming and taking my hand to look over it.  She grabs another wad of paper towel to wet and dab at my hand. She then grabs the first aid kit from the end of the big back shelf.

“It’s not too deep, lets just clean it….”

“Holy shit.” I breathe and nearly yank back my hand as she presses an antiseptic cloth to it.

“Wuss.” She hisses.

“How about I pour alcohol on your paper cuts? Or lemon juice?” I bite back.  That makes her laugh. She’s also one of my few friends that I am constantly bantering with. She’s an artist like me and insists on having handmade sketchbooks where the pages aren’t even and cuts her fingers on them constantly. Right now I spy band aids on two of her fingers.

“This needs more than a band aid.” She states and grabs some butterfly strips to pull my skin together with.  I wince as Lee comes back.

“Are you okay?” He asks and put the mop to the side to come and see. “Oh shoot, does it hurt?” He sees Ana’s work before she wraps gauze around my hand as an extra precaution.

“A little.” I admit. “I have some Tylenol in my bag if it does start to hurt.”

“Alright. Um maybe take a breather, then finish what you had started in the aisle, you pulled down something I think.”

“Honey.” I say. “We’re almost out of it so I brought it down to top up the shelf.” That prompts Ana to go and drop her bag in the small back aisle next to the bathroom that also leads to the back door. Ana appears again with my water bottle to throw at me. Fumbling I manage to catch it, banging it on my cut a little I try to not flinch but I glug back about half of it to get some fluids in me after losing some blood.  I take a few deep breaths as Lee gets the mop back away in the bathroom.

I drink more water. Feeling back to normal I go back to the aisle and finish up the honey I pulled out. I then see that another brand needs to be stocked up, I go out to find the back stock under the table with apples and come back. As I slide it on I get my skinny arms back there to even everything out and pull some forward.

Crabcakes! I pull my hand out as a sharp sting shoots up my arm and tears well in my eyes. I see it shaking at a large lumps forms where a wasp has stung me.  I look at the back of the shelf and see a small nest formed by some honeycomb at the back. The little turkeys seem to have taken it hostage because of a poor packaging design.  I shake out my hand but the pain is not going away. I beeline to the back to some Tylenol. Lee sees the few tears that escape.

“Is your hand hurting?” He asks. I show off the impressive lump that is swelling fast. His eyes grow huge. “What happened?!” he jumps up and off the stool to inspect it.

“Freaking wasp.” I gasp trying to not sob. “There’s a new nest by the honeycombs.”

“Great.” Lee huffs and has me sit. “I’ll see if Ana has any antihistamines, if not I’ll go get you some.” Lee disappears around the corner to find her. Only a minute later I see her dash into the cooler them comes back out holding a bag of ice she must have taken off of some of the veggies.

“You can’t seem to win today.” She says and passes me the make shift ice pack to press onto my hand.

“Yeah not really.” I breathe and try to take a deep breath to stay calm.

“How long have you been working now” She asks.

“About two hours and a bit.” I say. Lee shows back up holding the antihistamines for me. I take one, Ana grabs my water bottle so I can get it down.

“Maybe she could have a break just to recover Lee?” Ana suggests and looks at him.

“Good idea.” He says. With that I grab my lunch bag and step out into the back porch to sit and watch the woods. I eat some yogurt and my sandwich, I sip at water and decide that it’s too chilly for it. A hot chocolate from the coffee shop would be nice. I have a half hour break so I get up retrieve my wallet then walk along the back gravel to come out at the end of this bit of the mini mall. Out on the side walk I avoid other people’s eyes so no one can tell I’ve been crying. Past the main grocery store that is our rival I continue on to the third strip of building where a coffee shop is on the end. Inside I order my hot chocolate, pay and wait over at the side.

“Ambrose?” I hear and glance around for who said it. Being at the market means a lot of people recognize me and a lot of my family is in the area too. But this voice is one I recognize but can’t place. My heart freezes when I see its source.

Ben.

A young man with enough muscle to make any girl swoon and parted brown hair. My stomach clenches as his greenish eyes meet mine.

“Medium hot chocolate to go.” The barista calls out and I grab it and move to get out.

“Brosie.” I hear Ben call as he comes after me. “Brosie come on, don’t act like this.” He grabs my wounded hand as he catches up to me and I nearly screech. I yank back and cradle it against myself and fight some tears. “If anyone really should be like this it should be me.” Ben huffs. “You are the one who broke off the friendship.” I grind my teeth and look down at my hand. Crap, he’s torn the cut open enough to bleed. He then sees the crimson on the white gauze. “Oh shit.” He breathes and tries to take it to see.

“Leave me alone Ben.” I say loud enough for heads to turn.

“You’re bleeding let me help, you know I’m training to be….”

“A paramedic, yes I know. I knew everything about you while you barely knew me Ben. Plus why do you care now? You treated me like crap the last few months of our friendship.” I bite and turn to stalk away. Within a second I’m suddenly staring at Ben’s tiny but round ass. He’s grabbed me in fireman’s hold, something he’s done before. “Let me go!” I shout and try to struggle but his arms squeeze my middle tightly to keep me in control. With the shock of him picking me up I’ve dropped my hot chocolate. “Ben come on! Let me go!”

He sets me down in the back of his truck and grabs a medical kit he always keeps on hand. I however dive to the side as he tries to grab at my hand again.

“Cut it out!” I bark and dodge to the back of the wagon.

“Ambrose I’m trying to help you.” He argues. “Something you say I never did.”

“Ben if you want to help me let me go and leave me alone.” I bite back and meet his eye for him to read words I uttered to him over six months ago, I fucking hate you, you treat me like shit. I then utter; “You’re only making a scene with me now because you want attention, you want to be the hero for my hand, you want me to dote on you for it. Guess what, that’s never going to happen again.” That makes him launch at me. My psychology evaluation of him has always been something I’ve kept to myself. Now it’s just pissed him off.

“Hey!” Someone shouts and he’s being pulled off of me. “What the hell?!” Ben is being thrown out of the back and I see two fit looking guys. One with blonde hair and blue eyes is helping me up, the other has a hood up covering his face. “You alright sweetie?” The blonde asks with an accent that is music to my ears.

“Get her out Henry.” Someone is saying as Ben stands to see two other people there, a larger young man and a beautiful girl. However I have my theories about beauty, that if you say beauty as a blanket term you get self-conscious, if you identify what kind of beauty it is, you can feel a little better. For her, with dark frizzy hair and sharp dark eyes that seem to stare into souls far too easily, it’s an exotic kind of beauty. Something you don’t see very often. The one in the hoodie is then helping me down to the blonde who’s jumped out. As his hands guide me down I feel something seize in my chest. Something that I can only call parapsychological, the sense of something only I can feel through my soul.

“Are you alright?’ The blonde is asking. “Did he touch you…?” I take off, the question prompting too many wrong things that happened during Ben and I’s friendship. I get back to work with tears burning in my eyes. I just go to the back porch to bury my face in my hands. Ana appears at my side.

“I heard someone saying they saw you and Ben arguing…” She says and wraps her arms around me tightly. The only good thing about the end of that friendship is that I found out who my real friends are. Including Ana. She gets me to sit down on the top step then holds out something that comforts us both, the salted milk chocolate bar that we sell.

“Thanks.” I whisper hoarsely and break off a chunk. I look at my fit watch to see that my break is almost up.  I let the chocolate melt on my tongue and have the flavours swirl around my mouth to savour it. Being mindful of how I’ve covered more receptors there to send the happy message of dopamine to be released in my brain. Chocolate is an easily addictive crack.  She still holds it out me. I break off another piece.

“Do you want to go home?” She asks. I feel calm again, I shake my head. If I keep my water bottle close or make a cup of tea I should be okay. “Okay, let’s get you patched up again, what happened now?” She takes my hand to see how bloody the gauze is.

“Ben being a dramatic ass.” I say. That gets her up to get the first aid kit and yes, more antiseptic to clean it up. I’d take Ana helping me out over Ben any day medical wise.

“What an ass.” She mutters redoing the gauze wrap. “Can’t even get out of his own head to notice you’re hurt.”

“Thanks Ana.” I murmur and begin plotting on making her a batch of cookies for helping. If I get a mix after work I can do it up tonight, I’d have to get some extra chocolate chips since I put the last of some in brownies the other week.

“Let’s get you back inside or Lee will have my head.” She says. I dawn my apron and carefully tie it around my waist. I take deep breaths and remind myself that if I remain calm, everything else will. What you put out has a way of coming back at you. The incident with Ben now is only a reflection of how I had to be when I told him we were no longer friends. Mean and ruthless. Unlike my normal self that usually understands everything and is kind. You had to be kind for yourself too I remind myself. Lee takes one look at me and gives me a few things to stock. I’m done in a few minutes.

“Err, do you want to do some chips?” He asks, however I see what he’s really asking if I feel okay enough to be climbing up and onto the edge of the veggie rack to get the boxes stored up there. I nod, feeling right down into my core, something that I know is strong and what I’ll use to get up there. Lee leaves it at that. First I check out what we need, we’re scarce with a bunch. I get a milk crate as my middle ground and wait patiently for people to be out of the way before climbing up.

“Careful monkey.” My co-worker World says deeply as he watches me. He’s East Indian and after a few sassy remarks from me when I finally warmed up to him, claimed I must have been a sister from another life.

“I always am.” I say and swing down gracefully with a box. World’s eyes watch my movements as I go back up for another then check out what else I need, a few more flavours then one of the another brand. I go up as world goes to refill his cart with more apples to stock, making that short aisle now clear. I glance around, no one is here, I could make a stack to make it easier. I get a box and sink down in a squat still balanced on the edge to only stretch back up and check around again. I’m startled with the appearance with the sight of the beautiful girl from the parking lot staring at me.  I try to think nothing of it and turn back to get a box and find it stuck behind a bar in the top of the rack. I know not to do this but I try it anyway, I just yank.

I yank too hard.  The sudden force sends my balance off and I scramble to grab hold of the top of the rack but I don’t act fast enough and start falling back.

“Arms!” I hear someone shout and feel my fall cut off shorter than I expected it. I’ve been caught by someone. Letting out a shaky breath I look up into auburn eyes that are wide as they stare back at me. I then recognize the hoodie he’s wearing. My arms tingle as he so easily holds me.

“Ambrose!” Ana calls as she comes over, World in tow. He takes that as a sign to get me down on my feet. He doesn’t seem to mind as I lean on his shoulder to steady myself.  Ana is then grabbing me, looking over my shaken state. “Are you okay?” As she asks it the shock hits and I find that I can’t speak.

“Let’s get you in the back.” Ana says and leads me away from him. I can’t help but glance at him, see his handsome face, sharp square jawline and those eyes that are not coming off me. Lee is all over me, trying to get me out of the haze, snapping, waving at me, and trying to get me to speak. World breaks it, get grabs his warm coffee mug and sets it in my hand. Temperature difference. An ice bucket would have worked too.

“Bross you okay?” Lee asks.

“She doesn’t need to answer.” Ana declares. “She’s had a shit day and is going home.” She grabs her car keys. She then passes me my backpack. I rub at my face, the day has been insane, and I’ve been pushing too much to get through it. For some reason the universe wants me to be down, or not here.

“I’ll go home but I can walk Ana.” I squeak. She raises an eyebrow at me.

“Not with the state you’re in, plus if Ben happens to cross your path again I don’t want him to get the better of you.” She’s being protective and kind, something Ben never was.

“Go, it shouldn’t take Ana too long right?” Lee asks.

“Ten minutes at most.” I say. With that Ana gets me up to guide me out. We pass by the group that got Ben away from me, the guy in the hoodie doesn’t take his eyes off me, the girl gives me a curious look, the other boys start nudging the hoodie. That’s when he looks away and down. Ana pulls me away and out of sight me to form one thought, somehow, magically, my soul knows his.

[rarapussyriot]

Day 18, 19, 20 and 21.

Okay so day 18 (Thursday) was an excellent day for me. I did a pole dancing class and then I went for a run when I got home. I didn’t overeat that day either.

Foods:  Breakfast: 1 scrambled egg and side of avocado. Coffee with Milk.  Morning tea: Another coffee with milk, one boiled egg and 50g of shaved ham.  Lunch: Shin raymun (1/4 pack) with seafood, cabbage and mushrooms.  Afternoon tea: Metamusil. I ran out of time to have steamed vegetables. Buuut, at the bar we got to trial a new beer, so we split the new Garden ale we got. Surprising low on calories that beer.  Dinner: 6 chicken nuggets, no sauce. AND I FUCKING DESERVED IT.  Dessert: After my run, I had a high protein yogurt with blueberries and raspberries.  Totals for day 18: 1,210kcal eaten, 91g carb, 52g fat, 81g protein, 13g fibre. AND A MOTHERFUCKING 3 THOUSAND, 6 HUNDRED and EIGHTY-SIX GODDAMN KCAL BURNT (3,686kcal). WHOO!

Day 19: 

Okay so Fridays are always bad days for me. Mainly because they are my drinking days. BUT compared to previous, it wasn’t soo bad. No, the bad times were the next day when I was hungover.. but I’ll get to that. 

Food:  Breakfast: Bit of a mixed bunch: Leftover blueberries and raspberries, leftover avocado and leftover baked beans (SOOO MUCH FIBRE). And of course, Coffee with milk.  Morning Tea: More coffee with milk, sugar cookies with buttercream frosting (Damn it Lauren!), a boiled egg and small packet of Jerky.  Lunch/Afternoon tea/ Dinner: Okay so I got an MRI for someone’s study but it (MRI plus the follow up evaluation) ran for almost 4 hours so they bought me lunch from the hospital. It was a roast beef, roast pumpkin/potato, steamed veg meal.  I guess it wasn’t too bad, healthwise, looking at the numbers.  Annnd here we go, drinks and munchies: 3 Pure blonde Ultra low carbs and SIXX (!!!) Wild Turkey with coke zero. I also had a serving of Smiths thinly cut original chips.  Totals for day 19, fuck :( :  1,874kcal eaten, 131g carb, 46g fat, 65g protein, 19g fibre. But 2,980kcal burnt.. Yeah I’m not counting that as a win. 

Day 20: 

Now this is the really bad one. I need the food or I feel sicker. I also tried to pole while hungover and didnt get very far. Did get very sweaty in 30min with little effort though. 

Breakfast: I got Uber eats. It was scrambled eggs, bacon, mushrooms, tomato, mini sausages, this delicious tomato zucchini relish and a slice of toast. And of course, coffee with milk.  Lunch: Beef Pho.  Dinner: we went out for karaoke and got dinner/drinks there. Big mistake. 3x glasses of rose, 1 Gordons pink lemonade, 1 espresso martini, 3 arancini balls, 1 slice of garlic bread, 1 chicken wing, 1 piece of pork belly, 1 jalapeno popper, 2 pieces of calamari. It was a platter shared between the three of us; don’t judge. Totals for day 20: 2,285kcal, 228g carb, 68g fat, 84g protein, 9g fibre. That has got to be the worst day I’ve ever recorded. too much carb and calories, not enough fat, protein or fibre. And according to Fitbit, 2,732kcal burnt. 

Lets hope I don’t repeat a day like that any time soon. 

Day 21: 

Okay, well this is still ongoing but I guess in light of the last two days, I’ll need to up my game. 

Breakfast: Coffee and milk. I woke up late okay? Lunch: half a shin raymun, 6 mussels, cabbage, mushrooms, 1 egg mixed in.  Snack (if I need one): a small portion of Kebab shop chips. Also dill pickle.  Dinner: A bubble and squeak, Helgas low carb toast, buttered, tomato sauce and mayo, boiled egg, onion. So fucking good. 

Okay, I did good on my exercise. I did a 5.5km run, then an upper body fitness blender workout (25min) and the core portion of the core and lower body workout, again from Fitness blender.  Totals for day 21: 1,189kcal eaten, 133g carb, 51g fat, 42g protein, 9g fibre. So not great on the macronutrient ratios. The run was 410kcal but my overalls may not even reach my daily goal (approx. 2,400kcal) as it’s currently at 2,167kcal with only 2 1/4 hours left, and most of that will be sleeping.  Oh well. I am proud of the upper body workout.