#oh you find joy in everything??? come right over here bby girl

[wraithee]

I actually love magic tricks and corny jokes so I totally get why Crowley is painfully in love with Aziraphale.

[smolbeandrabbles]

When The Wine Wears Off - Nolan Sorrento x Reader (Ready Player One)

‘Direct’ Sequel to Sugar... I might have skipped a scene or two

@wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​

Author’s Note: Oh my gosh, okay. Okay. The thing I’m most worried about... and why it’s taken me more than a year after finishing it to post it is that it detracts from Sugar.  I don’t want it to do that. But I also talked to my girl, my partner in crime ms. @mandy23b​ extensively about this and we came to the conclusion that I should post it.  Sugar is the 4th most popular fic on my blog. And every time I get a note on it I get a shot of serotonin. I know how much it means to you. I would like to tell you, have no fear, there’s a third part.

@alotofrandomfangirling​ - as you are the original brain behind Sugar, I just wanted to personally thank you (again!) for all the joy Sugar has brought to me and others 💕 

Disclaimer: RPO & associated characters nothing to do with me / I literally cannot not make everything I do have some kind of angsty twist to it and really someone should stop me / gifs not mine / lyrics not mine / completely tonally different from its predecessor. 

Premise: You know the exact 3 word phrase that Nolan Sorrento wants to hear, but saying it will end up more trouble than it’s worth...

Words: 5013

Warnings: Angst/hurt / swearing / a massive misunderstanding & twisted viewpoint. / sexual connotations

______ The keys are still hanging in the front door You're hanging all over me And in between kisses I hear you whisper something 'bout loving me There's a half a glass sitting on the table The other half spilled on the bed I'm halfway believing you're really meaning Every sweet word you just said Or is it just that bottle of red When the wine wears off And the buzz is gone When the room starts spinning around and 'round Will you still be holding on Have we lost our minds Or is your kiss that strong Tell me will you still be mine Baby when the wine wears off When I wake up in the morning Will you be in my arms When the sun starts shining through those blinds Will you mean what you said in the dark Or will I have a headache and a broken heart I don't want you to stop kissing me now Keep on loving me laying me down I close my eyes and hide from these doubts Do my best to not worry about When the wine wears off ---

Nolan grabbed another bottle - one you were too busy kissing him to find out the year or place of - and carried you from his office. That tub of ice-cream was long finished, but you were still feeling the after affects; he was careful down the stairs and out onto IOI plaza. You'd both hastily re-dressed - but also knew there was no way that you were making it back to his apartment. Luckily, Nolan had his own (barely used one) on the plaza that offered the same kind of comfort. Hell; would it have mattered as long as it had a bed?

He pushed you up against the glass of the elevator, your legs around his waist and you sighing his name - it slowed for the floor both too quick and not quick enough. You already knew a multitude of bruises would be present along your neck and shoulders tomorrow. Nolan was only too content to add to them.

You reached his apartment and he finally put you down; but you were already loosening his tie again - Nolan chuckled, recapturing your lips, and pulled you into the kitchen. Setting the bottle down he collected two glasses, and poured as you teased his neck yourself - sliding your hands under his shirt as you undid the buttons; leading to you raking your nails across his skin. You liked the groan that rose in his chest to match the shiver that ran through him and into you at your close contact. You were sure you’d be drawing plenty of those from him before the night was through…

The wine was just as good, if not better than his 1999 bottle. But this one was clearly not designed to be drunk as slow. Or he simply didn't care; Nolan had downed the glass and was pouring another by the time you reached the bedroom, and you had a distinct feeling that it was the after effects of the first bottle calling the shots here. You were determined to keep up with his glasses though; so maybe it was all going to your head too fast... Dragging him down onto the bed you relieved him of his clothing far quicker than you had in his office - and soon enough you were one again. (This time ice cream not included.)

This was heaven and, with your hands in Nolan’s hair and him sighing your name just as often as you were moaning his, you knew you were exactly where you wanted to be. Probably for the rest of your life. And you had to tell him that... Kissing him you had to tell him that. NOW. Right now. No other time would possibly be more perfect. And you sighed it, about as romantic and blissful as you thought you could get, and every word the truth: "Nolan, I love you...”

He almost snapped out of it right then, almost a little confused. Nolan’s heart began to race but he swallowed hard to keep that feeling at bay. You were just saying what he wanted to hear... That was all, nothing more to it than that... But you'd never said it before. He didn't ask you to. Because that wasn't the relationship you shared. You were tipsy, hell, maybe you were completely drunk by now. But... I love you? There was no way you were saying that and meaning it. It just felt right to say it in that moment, he got that. He felt that too. But he fought the elation that made him feel - after all, how could a girl like you possibly love a man like him?

 ***

 When Nolan awoke he had a pounding headache, and cursed himself. He knew he'd wasted a pretty good bottle of wine; and half of it was probably spilled around this apartment...

He rubbed his eyes, aware you were still there tangled up with him. Nolan turned with a gentle smile, you were good to him, and exactly what he wanted and needed when he needed it. You'd come into his life at a good time... Maybe the perfect time... He tucked stray locks of hair behind your ear to frame your face. And that made him smile even more. You stirred momentarily, mumbling something in your sleep, but didn't wake. Which was probably good, considering you'd have as much of a splitting headache as he did.

Nolan slipped from your embrace and crossed to the closet. He supposed that the board might call him in for a meeting today about Parzival and the big scoreboard... He cursed under his breath; this would all still work out. He had to believe that it would. He selected his suit, tie and shirt - dressing quickly he left you to wake up naturally, and decided the only thing for his headache was about as many aspirin as he thought he could handle! Nolan waited up for you, but as he did bits and pieces of the night previous flashed in his head, and that ‘confession’ of yours came around, and around, and around again… And he couldn’t shake it, or suppress it, no matter how much he tried.

His bedroom door closed, and you were already dressed and ready for the day, another flatteringly short black dress. Nolan smirked at that, shaking his head before turning back to his computer as he caught up on all the latest business news. “Morning…” But you still had that sweet as sugar voice. And ‘I Love You’ resounded in his head once more. “Morning.” His reply was almost too short, and his glance to you was wary. “…Are you okay?” “Yes.” Again – Nolan was playing too short. And you thought he knew it as much as you did. “Are you sure?” You took a step forward, unsure yourself. “Uh…” He looked around his apartment, anywhere but at you, and he took several deep breaths; most of which evoked sighs “Uh, I…” Nolan realised he might have to ask you about it, because you were getting close and closer and he couldn’t not answer you now. “Y/N… L-Last night you…” You weren’t sure where this was going to go, and part of you flushed because there wasn’t a lot you remembered, was he about to tell you something really embarrassing?! “…You told me… that you loved me.”

You stopped your walk, opening your mouth without a sound. Did you? Maybe that was accidental… but you couldn’t deny that was how you felt. But why did Nolan look so nervous about it? Did he think it wasn’t the truth? Was he worried it wasn’t the truth? “If I did, I meant it.” His face scrunched for a moment in confusion, like he wasn’t sure he’d heard you, “What?” but there was something seriously wrong with the tone of his voice, and the clarity that rose in his eyes – that you didn’t notice until it was too late. “I do, I love you.” You only wanted to give him assurance. To turn that confused frown into a smile, to make Nolan feel like you knew he wanted to feel. That man was starved of touch and love… And you were quite prepared to stand here and admit that you could step up and give him both.

It was a fatal mistake. “Don’t.” “Nolan… Wh…” “Stop it!” That confusion across his face was quickly turning to anger. “Why? Don’t you want me to… didn’t you hear what I…? I love you-!” You didn’t understand, why would he act like this over something he wanted so bad? He grabbed your wrist, and it was tight and painful, making you gasp. "N-Nolan-!" "Shut up! SHUT UP! I told you to shut up!!" You didn't think you'd ever seen him so mad, and that look in his eyes made you scared. "But I..." Your voice was meek against his tirade, "Nolan I lo-" "STOP IT! STOP-! DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT AGAIN!!" Apparently, that vice grip could get tighter, and when he was satisfied that you weren't about to open your mouth again, he yanked you out of the apartment. Nolan didn't once let you go, nor look at you, or talk to you. And you were on the verge of tears.

So this was the truth; that you would be just like everyone else. That you would tell him something like that to mock him in the cruellest way. Nolan might have been used to this, but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less when it happened. But he wouldn’t have thought that you would be one of them; taking advantage of the fact that Nolan wanted to hear it more than anything. That you would make him believe it – just to make him weak and vulnerable, so he would say ‘I love you’ back heart bleeding just for you to flash a smirk, and laugh, and say ‘I’m joking. Who could love you?’. Well this time he wasn’t about to stand for it. Everything he loved always left. Nolan was beginning to think it wasn’t even worth considering, let alone waiting for. That he would every truly be loved by anyone. His behaviour right now was a trigger response, something he found uncontrollable because he was so afraid of those closest to him leaving. What it created in Nolan was a person angry and volatile, violent, unforgiving. A heartless man.

 ***

 You entered the IOI HQ and his walking pace picked up. "Nolan-!" You tried again, hoping the panic was present in your voice and would let him know how scared you were, "Nolan-! Please-!" To no avail, he just kept dragging you.

Your eyes widened when you realised what floor he was taking you to. LOYALTY. Now you were desperate; you would do anything to fix this. You would do anything to fix it anyway - maybe you'd said it too soon. Maybe he didn't feel the same - and didn't want to feel the same. But to you that was okay. You could go back to what it was - why couldn't he let you apologise and go back?! "Nolan, I'm sorry---!!!" Your wail and pull against his grip didn't even make him turn around. He stopped, finally, outside a room and pushed the door open. "In here." "Nolan... I'm sorry... Let me fix this... Baby, I-" "DON'T." He raised his voice again, and like yours was shaking in panic, his was shaking in anger. "Don't make me say it again." He turned those horrifyingly cold blue eyes on you, "And I'm not your baby."

You stepped into a grey room, with tables and chairs - and a single window looking out onto the loyalty centre blocks. He slammed the door behind you and disappeared. You bit your lip and tried to take a deep breath; nothing helped as you rubbed your wrist - now red, and indented with his fingers. The tears started running. You couldn't go back here... Surely he wouldn't make you go back to loyalty over this? It was three little words. It didn't even have to mean anything no matter how serious you were about it. Nolan wasn't taking it well, and maybe he needed a minute to calm down... Maybe he just needed a minute... And you could talk it out, he could tell you there was no love between you and there never would be love between you. And that was fine with you, if that's what he wanted. If you got to be close to him that would have to do. You sat, body shaking, and covered your face with your hands.

Nolan please... Anywhere but loyalty again...

 **

F'Nale almost looked at him in disbelief. "No." "No-!? Why not- I cannot go back in there-!" She folded her arms; "You made your bed Nolan, you can go lie in it now. I didn't drag her down to loyalty. I'm damn well not putting her back in the box." She jabbed her finger at him, "If you want her back in the loyalty centre, put her there yourself." "I can't." He looked away from her momentarily and bit his lip. "Then get her out!" F'Nale almost couldn't see the problem here, and she also kinda liked you. You seemed to do good things for Nolan that put him in a good mood - which made him so much easier to deal with. But, no, apparently now he wanted to be an idiot. Though she wasn't exactly sure what about, and wasn't about to ask at the way he was being so vague about it. He gave her a dark look. That was a no too.

She sighed, exasperated: "Nolan. You cannot keep her in holding. Either get her out, or put her back in loyalty. But if you put her in loyalty - you're dragging her to that box yourself and turning the system on. I'm having nothing to do with this. Last time I arrested her and put here in there YOU were the one that got her out!" "I know." He gritted his teeth, "And I shouldn't have." Oh. F'Nale hoped her face was stoic enough. This wasn't good.

 **

 When he returned and opened the door you had stopped crying. Nolan stepped back from the door, "Ms. L/N, please step out." "Nolan-" "Come with me." Even now he wouldn't look at you, or let you finish any sentences. But you were determined to show him you would do exactly as he said; nothing less. Damn her! He could tell as his eyes flicked to your face that you'd been crying. And that sent a shot of pain straight to his heart that he couldn't ignore.

‘Nolan, use your head. She's lying to you. A girl like that would never love a man like you. She's telling you things to get something from you. Who is she working for, who does she see and contact when you aren't around...? Remember what she's here for in the first place. And you know this is the right thing to do...’

 He walked you down the rows of blocks, and you wondered where exactly he was taking you. You knew that the stairs at the end of the room would lead up a couple of floors to the War Room, and then his office, because you'd been escorted there by an employee when Nolan had given you his original proposal. Maybe he'd rather have this conversation there. That would make sense - it might be a screaming match of both of you trying to get your points across, even though you'd hope not. But he stopped suddenly, and turned to you. "Get in." You weren't sure he was serious at first, searching his face, with those hard grey-blue staring eyes. For once there was no getting passed that look."Nol-" He indicated to the tiny cell again. And you recognised the number immediately. It had been the one you'd been placed in originally. "No...NO, no, no, no!" His name became panic and refusal; "Nolan, please don't do this--!" "Don't make me pick you up and throw you in there, Y/N..." "Nolan what did I do-!? Please let me fix this...!" Why could he see how you felt about him? Why wouldn't he believe you? He was breaking your heart - couldn't he even see that?! "Begging won't save you now..." Nolan shook his head, and there was almost amusement to his voice. And you realised; he didn't believe a word you said. He thought that ‘I Love You’ was messing with him. That you couldn't possibly just say that for any reason other than wanting information that you might give to a clan... Maybe even this Parzival guy. Was that really what he thought of you?

But you were desperate: "Nolan, whatever you think of me, I swear I haven't done anything! I would NEVER do anything to hurt you... Nolan, please, I mean it... I-" He placed his hands either side of you, forcing you through the open door of the box, "Nolan, I love you." "Don't you DARE fucking say that lie again." He spat it. And you realise exactly what you'd done wrong. "Nolan-" "Don't even say my name again." "But, I-" He pushed you backwards, hard, and you tripped, slamming into the back of the glass structure hard. Ow-! Was about the last thing on your mind as the doors began to close on him. "NO!" You screamed it, running for the opening but all too late. "NOLAN PLEASE!!! PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE!!! NOLAN!!!" You slammed your hands against the glass, "Nolan! PLEASE!!!! I WANT TO FIX THIS!!! PLEASE!!!!" Anything but Loyalty. You knew what happened, people died here… And you knew your debts were about to increase tenfold.

Nolan Sorrento took one step at a time backwards, shaking his head. But he looked at you, he could hold your eyes. He could see how afraid you looked, how upset, how heart broken. And somehow all he could think was that you deserved it. He kept walking like this, when he could still see you hitting the glass but couldn't hear your voice... And eventually had to turn away. His heart was breaking too; but how else were you going to learn? The last thing you saw, even when you vision was blurry with your tears running, was his back as Nolan walked back up those stairs to his office. And you knew it was over.

You would be just another girl stuck in the system; and you'd never get to love Nolan again.

 ***

It felt like the easiest thing to calmly, coldly, walk away from you.  He didn’t even feel the need to look back, and as he climbed those stairs out of loyalty and to his office, he was already planning to get rid of every trace of you from his apartment. It would take him no time at all and he would feel nothing. Nolan was done with you, and now you were back in loyalty, he’d more than just dealt with it.

It didn’t take long for his feelings to fine tune themselves and hit him full force – at first Nolan was incensed. Your lying to him had broken his heart, he could have had you with him forever had you not betrayed him in such a way. So anything he needed his loyalty workers to do that sounded hardest, he made sure went on your roster. And there was no shame in that. He wanted to make you pay. “Sounds hard?” “Probably, Sir…” Then he gave that spiteful nod that F’Nale was starting to hate seeing: “…Send it to 25-N.” He didn’t even use your name anymore. You were nothing but a number on a glass box to him now. She couldn’t say she cared all that much for you, besides improving Nolan’s mood - except now any mention of you did the exact opposite. But she had seen you, and she thought some of these more physical tasks would put way too much strain on your body. Nolan didn’t care; and F’Nale thought if she pointed it out, he’d only give you more. You were being physically exhausted, for emotionally breaking him. "Mr.Sorrento..." He pressed the button on his comlink; since that first Key things had gone from bad to worse. Parzival and his little gang of friends now had two Keys each. Nolan thought he had Wade Watts dealt with – but that plan had also obviously failed. And although the Sixers were getting keys themselves, it was still a high score system. They would have to crack that third clue quickly if he wanted any chance of taking over the OASIS... "What is it?" Nolan snapped; he had no time for this. "There's a problem down in loyalty." "Well, why isn't F'Nale reporting to me on it then-!?" "Well - she told me to contact you, Sir." "OH." Why!? "What is it?" "There's a medical emergency going on down here." "What kind of medical emergency?" With one of the people stuck down there? Why should he care? Come to think of it - why was he asking? He wasn't interested. "One of the women here has collapsed. She's unconscious but still breathing... We're administering care right now." He raised an eyebrow - why would F'Nale… "SHIT!" He yelled out loud, and panic hit him, "Which capsule!?" "25-N Sir..." Y/N-! "I'M ON MY WAY!"

 *** He nigh on sprinted down to loyalty and took those stairs two at a time. Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! What had he done-?! At what cost had he been so hateful? Even Nolan realised why he was running. It had haunted him for a while, but it was his decision, and he would own that decision. And he would keep you there to prove himself right. Still, that didn’t stop him from lying awake at night, or endlessly dreaming about your body wrapped around his… Awaking to hope this was all a bad dream and you would still be there. You never were. Nolan knew right then he was wrong, you never had any reason to lie to him. When he woke up like that all he wanted to tell you was that he felt the same about you too. But it wasn’t like you were out there living your life and he could call you up, and cry down the phone, and beg for you to come back because of how wrong he was. No. You were in Loyalty. And Nolan Sorrento had put you there himself – and now he’d damn well almost killed you…

But he knew, now more than anything, what he wanted. He wanted love, he always wanted love… but running faster than he probably had in his life, Nolan also knew this: he only wanted your love.

When he reached your block, you were crowded by a number of loyalty workers and Nolan’s own employees, including F’Nale and a medic. “MOVE!” He fought his way to you and everyone else stepped back. Those in Loyalty knowing better than to stick around whilst the CEO was in the room. You were breathing, barely conscious but Nolan didn’t care – and would ignore the medics protests to gather you in his arms. “Y/N?! Y/N, oh God… I’m sorry, Y/N…” “No…lan…?” Your brain was a little bit fuzzy and your vision blurry as you opened your eyes. Last thing you remembered you were in the OASIS, strength waning. And you weren’t anymore… Anyway, it couldn’t have been Sorrento, he never wanted to see you again and he’d put you here. But everything cleared, and you felt his familiar warmth and breathed him in. And then you were screaming at him. “YOU---! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!!” You tore yourself from his arms, taking a few steps back, a little steadier on your feet than you expected considering your head was still spinning, “GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF ME!” Nolan drew himself to height from his knees, in silence. Looking to F’Nale and the rest around you, he gave a signal for them to back off.

Whatever you were about to do, you both thought he deserved. So you went for him; nails at his face, fists to his arms and chest, as you screamed god-knows-what at him. “YOU BASTARD!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU COME DOWN HERE!!! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU PRETEND THAT YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT ME!!” Nolan took every blow you dealt him without much resistance. You weren’t exactly at full strength either; so both of you were also wishing that they hit harder. But you had enough power to scream at him like this. And those words echoed around the complex. And yes, Nolan though he deserved that too. “You better not think I’m gonna fucking THANK you for this! What, does rescuing me make you fucking feel better?! Asshole!” You spat, taking steps that he conceded. “At least you have the balls to look me in the fucking face…” And Nolan was; because he wanted to punish himself just as much – look at what exactly he had done to you, so that he could burn this into his mind forever. Just to show himself what a fucking idiot he was.

You backed away from him because he still hadn’t said a word, and you were just as furious with him for that. Because you wanted a screaming match – so you could watch him misstep all the way through it. “YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEART, NOLAN SORRENTO. DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE?!” Then you snapped, “Don’t answer that, I know the answer. You’re here for your own selfish reasons. Wouldn’t let the girl you used to fuck die – huh?! Couldn’t have that linger on your conscience with all the shit I know you do in the name of this company!?” There was a slight flicker of emotion across his face, but he held firm on his silence. You wanted to break him. But even you weren’t sure you knew how you break a man who was already broken.

You shook your head, and felt your tears start to run; “…Do you even know how to love Nolan? Do you know how to feel!?” There was more emotion here, and his mouth opened, chest contracting. “Whoever hurt you did a damn good job…” You let your tears drip; you weren’t about to hide this from him. He’d made this. “…I don’t think you can know how to love – else you wouldn’t run from it. You would have just loved me back. How can someone who wants it so badly turn it away?” You took steps towards him again, “What kind of man are you!?”

It was the first time his eyes had lowered from yours. And still there was silence. Nolan didn’t know if he looked like he felt nothing, but it felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest. Numb and hollow and all his fault. His heart was broken too, and he’d done that to himself. ‘You have no one else to blame. How can you even stand to let yourself look at her…? Do you know what you’ve done? Do you REALISE what you’ve done, Nolan?’

That didn’t help either. Because you wanted him to look at you and see what he’d done. And you wanted words. No matter what he was going to tell you. If Nolan was going to pathetically apologise then fine; even though you’d laugh in his face about it. Those beautiful blue eyes raised to you again – you hated yourself for even thinking that - and suddenly he was once again stoic, his eyes just a little wider. You gave that silence 10 more seconds, to see if he would even attempt to say something pitiful. He didn’t.

You folded your arms, shaking your head at him and how unbelievable his whole attitude was; "Aren't you even going to say anything!?" Nolan Sorrento blinked, and swallowed thickly. He might as well be swallowing sand. Everything was ringing in his ears, and the silence was deafening. He felt void of everything save one emotion, and that look in your eyes. So he took that deep breath he should have taken before… "I love you too." The silence that hung over the room this time was much more awkward. Nolan wasn’t sure exactly what he expected from you, he knew you probably weren’t about to give him some kind of fairytale ending. To run those steps back to him, take him in your arms, kiss him and it all be forgiven – not after what he’d done to you, not after what you’d just screamed at him. But you didn’t give Nolan an emotional response at all. Your face wasn’t even shocked to hear it, there was simply nothing there. But the silence kept hanging, and he almost wanted to ask you the same thing – to beg you for a response. How could he? Nolan knew he had no right.

Instead you took another step back, the shake of your head steady and slow. You might have still pitied him, even if you hated him right now. But you couldn’t give him what he sought. “That’s just, way too little way too late, Nolan.” You swallowed, “That isn’t an apology. That’s almost worse than an apology.” Was he thinking you’d just accept his love now? That any of his actions - from your confession of how much he really meant to you to this one - showed any act of love from him whatsoever. Quite the opposite; a quest to make you pay for your ‘trickery’. Your eyes flashed as they hardened; “I know this is wishful thinking, but GOD I hope I never have to see your face again!” You shook your head once more, he had to know. Nolan had to know he couldn’t do this to people. That even the all-powerful CEO of IOI couldn’t make people bounce back. The only way Nolan would ever learn was if you walked away – and you prayed whoever the next girl was, that he treated her better.

You began walking, knowing exactly where the exit was; time to test his mettle. Test that ‘love’ he apparently felt. There was a murmur from the onlookers and security began moving to stop you, to haul you back to your little pod. Nolan was still watching you in silence, numb… heart broken. Deservedly so. But he stopped them, hand out. “Let her go.” “Sir!?!” “Just…” Nolan held, realising how much he was struggling to breathe. Lump caught in his throat. Maybe he’d cry; in fact he probably should. “…let her go.” And so he watched you leave, he didn’t know where you would go, or who you’d go to, but he knew they deserved you a damn sight more than he did – he watched you walk out of his life. And as he did Nolan Sorrento really wished that he couldn’t feel a damn thing.

---

Thank you for reading. I’m as sorry as I am thankful-! 😬🙈

[shirtlesssammy]

5x06: I Believe the Children Are Our Future

Then:

Sam and Dean Winchester started the apocalypse

Now:

At a home in Alliance, Nebraska, a young woman, Amber, stays up late watching TV while she babysits. Totally enraptured with what appears to be Herbie the Love Bug Cujo on the television, she starts to mindlessly brush her hair.

She hears a noise and heads to the closet to investigate. Lol, it’s just the kid she’s babysitting all bloody and dead with a spike through his head. Well, not really. He’s just a prankster that won’t go to bed. Before the kid will go to bed though, we have to insert gross sexist funnies. Amber resumes watching TV, while dogs bark and howl outside. Much later the parents come home to find her asleep on the couch. Scratch that, she’s actually dead with horrible claw marks on the side of her face.

Agents Page and Plant are on the case! Sam and Dean take a look at the victim at the morgue. It’s there that they learn that she scratched her own brains out. They next head to interview the family. While Sam talks with the parents, Dean finds the kid and grills him. Lol. The kid denies knowing anything at first, but Dean breaks him by threatening to take him downtown.

It turns out that he put itching powder on the hair brush. Sam is doubtful that ground up maple seeds would cause that much itching.

Sam gets a call and they rush to the hospital, where a charred body is being zipped up in a body bag. The man was electrocuted, and the only witness insists that it was the joy buzzer in his hand that did it.  

Dean’s on the case!! He buys some ham, rubber gloves, and welding goggles and joy buzzes a week’s worth of meals. The joy buzzer cooks faster than a pressure cooker and the ham is cooked in a matter of seconds.

“That crap isn’t supposed to work.” Sam can’t believe it. Dean just starts to dig into the food. They think they’re possibly dealing with cursed objects.

They head to the magic shop that sold both items. Dean finds great joy in the whoopee cushion (AS IS YOUR RIGHT YOU BEAUTIFUL 10 YEAR OLD BOY).

The shop owner admits that kids aren’t really into magic anymore, but he did sell itching powder and a joy buzzer recently. Dean accuses him of being behind the deaths by electrocuting a rubber chicken. The brothers quickly realize their mistake and take off, leaving the poor shop owner in a state of existential trauma.

That night, a father tells his little girl about the magic of the tooth fairy. “So some freak is going to come in my room while I’m sleeping and take my tooth? Sounds scary, no thank you.” The father puts the tooth under her pillow anyway. Later that night she sneaks into his bedroom and places the tooth under his pillow. And that girl was right, and a stone cold brutal daughter, because the dad gets a visit from Hansel the tooth fairy and the results aren’t pretty.

Later at the hospital, the brothers discuss the latest happenings of the case. Besides the tooth fairy, a couple kids have stomach ulcers from mixing Pop Rocks and Soda (I thought your stomach exploded from mixing the two!) and one guy’s face “froze that way.”

Dean admits to believing that Sea Monkeys were real (Of course he believed in that beautiful domestic family lie.) Dean surmises that kids all believe the things that are happening. Sam wonders if this is the work of a trickster.

While Dean works on his side of ham, Sam does some research into where the victims lived and finds they’re all within a range of a house in the middle of the country. Dean asks if their motel is in the circle, and then holds up his hands, palms covered in hair. DUDE. Sam reminds Dean that he can go “blind from that too.” LOL.

They head out to check out the house. Sam starts to pick the lock on the door, when it is opened by a little boy. Sam asks his name but he wants to know who they are. They flash their badges, but the little boy takes a long look at them. And I’ve said this before, but I’m saying it again. This picture is my origin story with this show:

Anyway, Jesse, the kid, lets them inside so they can talk with him. Dean finds a picture of the “tooth fairy”. He then asks Jesse about all the cases and finally brings out the joy buzzer. “You shouldn’t have that,” Jesse insists. He tells Dean that it can electrocute a person, but Dean tells him that’s not true. Jesse seems to believe him. And to further his point, Dean buzzes it on Sam. (MY GOD, what if Jesse was just trying to make you go away?) Sam is NOT AMUSED.

Leaving the house, Dean has no remorse for buzzing his brother. They know where the crazy in the town is coming from now. Sam does some research and, get this, Jesse was adopted. He has no father listed on his birth certificate, but his birth mom, Julia Wright, lives on the other side of the state.

The boys go to her house and ask about her son. Julia insists that she doesn’t have a son but when Sam asks her about her pregnancy (uh RUDE) she races for the kitchen and grabs a container of salt. She chucks some at them and they just stand there. “You’re not demons?” she asks in surprise.

Over a cup of tea, she tells them that she was possessed by a demon. For nine months, to be specific. (It’s usually more like 10 months, bbys.) “It used my body to give birth to a child.” Not gonna lie, with all the current news and legislation about women’s autonomy over their bodies, this line is EXTRA chilling. Once the child was born, she was able to gain control over the demon. She piled rock salt into her mouth and the demon left in a whirl of smoke. She gave the baby up for adoption but, uh, there was no father. It was a “virgin birth.” (If anything feels hackneyed in this episode, it’s the insistence on making her an outright virgin just for narrative symmetry.)

Dean tells her, rather gently, that Jesse is alive and is a “good kid.” When they leave, the spectre of a demon-baby requires a call to Cas. Back at “The Liberty” in their Americana-themed motel room (ffs Wanek, you’re killing me), Cas appears, ready to smite the child. Sam and Dean are taken aback. The child, Cas explains, is extra powerful and known throughout the world by many names. But in America, they know him as the antichrist. Ooo JUST in time for the apocalypse! Great timing.

Cas sits down after delivering this message and a whoopie cushion wheezes out slowly, deflating (see what I did there) the situation.

Sam wants to know if Jesse is the devil’s son. LOL Sam, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous! What a ludicrous idea for a plot line on the show. The child is simply “demon spawn” and is hidden from both angels and demons. Jesse’s powers have ballooned since Lucifer rose and Cas thinks Lucifer wants to find Jesse so he can use him to destroy the host of Heaven. Uh, don’t worry, bby. You’ll help with that in the next couple of seasons.

“We’re the good guys. We don’t just kill children,” Sam insists. Cas gets up in Sam’s face, telling him that he used to be willing to do whatever it took to win a war. Cas! Did you not learn a lesson last season? Oh...I guess you were kinda dead for a little bit. Cas doesn’t think “it” can be trusted not to destroy everything, but Sam wants to tell Jesse the truth. Then he might make the right choice to, you know, not destroy the world and Heaven. Cas stares Sam down. “You didn’t,” Cas tells Sam. BURN. (Meanwhile, I stare meaningfully at Season 14.)

Back at Julia’s house, a postal worker surprises her on her porch. It’s a demon! The demon opens Julia’s mouth and in a disgustingly intimate shot, forces itself inside and possesses her again. UGH. It grabs the information she had about Jesse’s whereabouts and heads out to find him.

Jesse walks downstairs at night for a glass of water, only to be surprised by Cas. Oh, Cas is just there for late night ice cream sundaes, right? “I won’t hurt you,” Cas lies with a knife hidden behind his back. He corners Jesse and emotion cracks his face for the first time as he apologizes, then whips up the knife. Cas bby.

Dean and Sam burst in to save Jesse, only to find him alone. “Was there a guy here in a trenchcoat?” Dean asks. Jesse points to a toy on the floor. It’s Cas!

I do enjoy this moment. It’s both funny and a great display of Jesse’s powers and innocence. Later, Dean carefully sets Cas on the mantel. (#Symbolism) “Is he your friend?” Jesse asks. Yeah, Dean. Is he? “No,” Dean says hastily. Come on, Dean. You don’t want to be turned into an action figure, too? #ActionFigureBoyfriends

Dean whips out his inner nerd to talk to Jesse. Jesse has got superpowers, see? And it just so happens that Dean and Sam travel the world looking for kids with superpowers to be trained at a secret base in South Dakota. “Like the X-Men?” Hell ya, kid. If...the X-Men wasn’t set in a grand mansion and was instead set in a run-down used car lot. Actually, I would watch the hell out of that.

Jesse smiles at this thought, when Dean gets suddenly tossed against a wall. It’s the demon possessing Julia! She tells Jesse that the Winchesters lied to him, and that she’s his mom. Dean manages to burst out that she’s a demon before she does the psychic equivalent of a throat punch.

For Pinned to the Wall AGAIN Science:

“Everyone lied to you,” the demon tells him. His parents, the Winchesters… “You can do anything you want,” she says. She tries to tap into his anger and lights flare and a fire rages in the fireplace. “Imagine,” she says. “A world without lies.” OMG ANDREW DABB.

Sam admits (from his place pinned to the wall) that they lied. Jesse makes the demon “sit down and shut up,” so that Sam can explain what’s going on. Sam tells him about the apocalyptic war going on, and that the demons want to use him like a pawn. With a sentence, Jesse expels the demon from Julia. “Kid, you’re awesome,” Dean says.

Dean picks up the little trench coat action figure. “He’s kinda a buddy of mine,” Dean says. He asks for Cas to be turned back.

“He tried to kill me,” Jesse spits out. Fair point, though Dean insists that Cas is a good guy - just confused. Dean puts Cas back on the shelf, uh, literally.

Then he tells Jesse that they’re going to take him to Bobby to get trained. “What if I don’t wanna fight?” Jesse asks. GREAT QUESTION, KID. They tell him that demons will be coming for him. Jesse wants to go with his parents but Sam and Dean caution him that his parents might die. (Um. Shouldn’t the risk be their choice? This kid is tiny, cannot make rational choices, and I bet they love him enough to die for him. But ooooookay.)

Jesse heads upstairs to say goodbye to his parents. (I’m shocked that his parents are real and asleep since this is the first time we see them.) In his room, his eyes light upon an Australia poster on his wall.

Sam and Dean, after a long wait, head upstairs. “He’s gone,” Cas announces from behind them. CAS! Cas reports that the town has been set back to rights (mostly) and that Jesse has left. Cas looks repentant. Hmmm perhaps he’ll take this lesson and apply it several seasons later?? Sam finds a note on the bed. Jesse left to keep his parents safe.

Sam and Dean talk about Jesse and how they destroyed his life by telling him the truth about his origin and the apocalypse.

Dean muses, “I'm starting to get why parents lie to their kids. You want them to believe that the worst thing out there is mixing Pop Rocks and Coke. Protect them from the real evil. You want them going to bed feeling safe. If that means lying to them, so be it. The more I think about it...the more I wish Dad had lied to us.” Sam agrees with that sentiment wholeheartedly.

It’s Cas! Now with Real Quoting Action!

All it takes is someone talking about an itch, or thinking about one even, and suddenly you can't stop scratching.

That’ll do, pig!

These days, all they care about are their iPhones and those kissing-vampire movies.

So some freak is gonna come in my room while I'm sleeping and take my tooth? Sounds scary. No, thank you.

What do you know about demons?

You're Superman...minus the cape and the go-go boots.

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[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

It's us: Halt and Catch Fire 4x09 and 4x10.

So, it took a few days but I think it's finally sunk in for me that Halt and Catch Fire actually ended the way it did? I truly was not prepared, I'd braced myself for a very specific, very heterosexual and annoying ending, and was ready to resent it forever.

But in the end, Halt finally quit playing and quit punishing its characters. So naturally, I'm instead prepared to talk about it forever! So, pause your Peter Gabriel cd that you've been crying to all week, grab your hackeysack and your bagel bites, sit down a safe distance from the pool, and lets process this finale even MORE! Literally nothing but spoilers for Halt and Catch Fire 4x09 and 4x10 below.

So, let's talk about how and when the show tied up each of our character's stories:

Bos and Diane: While I stand by all of my previous critiques of what the show put both of them through this season, and how mean it was to Diane, how can you not be happy for them?! I'm happy that Bos is in good health, and that Diane seems more than ready to retire from being a miserable business woman and shift to enjoying her life and her family.

Haley and Vanessa: Okay, so, this was a bummer, right? I love how they did it though. I love that they showed us Haley striding into that mildly ridiculous hot dog place of dreams and asking Vanessa out -- I haven't seen a lot of queer teenage girls asking their crushes out in mainstream media and also I myself haven't ever been brave enough to do that IRL so that was kind of awesome of her?! -- and I love that they didn't tell us what exactly happened. The focus stays on Haley's sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment, and the show avoids making wlw crushes look like they're all doomed to misery. (Which, they're not, ICYMI.)

Comet. I was surprised by how hard this hit me. This is a key theme of the show: projects end, sometimes amicably, and sometimes disastrously, partnerships dissolve, it's part of life, and yes, it's especially difficult to accept for traumatized abuse survivor over-achievers. But you have to learn to move on to the next thing, or you're in for a long life, and not in a good way. A competitor, Yahoo, the jokes about which I remember, beats Comet to the punch. It happens! But, just like it happens IRL, this is also the death of Gordon's last venture, and of J*e's last connection to him, and….jesus fvck, it hurts.

Cameron & J*e: The end of Comet ends up meaning the end of Jameron, though not for a lack of trying on both sides. This ship has a huge following despite never having worked or been healthy, and despite Lee Pace's fantastic work this season, the show never sold me on his redemption -- and yes, it was an issue of his redemption, as a former abuser, do not start with or @ me about this. Even if we accept that J*e has changed, he and Cameron want different things. She shouldn't be forced to have a family she doesn't want, and it is not in any way healthy for him to sacrifice something that huge to be with her? (That doesn't even get into how grief and loss alters relationships, sometimes in terrible and painful ways, and J*e's loss is real.) Their break up scene was sad and tough to watch, but, they're both free to find better partners, who actually meet their needs. Can't help but see that as a win.

Joanie: I could say something snarky about the writers sending her off to eat, pray, and love or whatever, but I love Joanie, and while it's a little sad, I'm glad that she got to leave home and start to get some perspective on her family and also her grief. Sometimes, we don't quite fit in at home, and we need to go elsewhere -- isn't that kind of true of our entire main cast? Also, her very last scene, when she's on the phone, is such full of such great, teenage-y, youthful energy and emotion. Ugh, I'll always be a little annoyed that we didn't spend more time with her, but thank you for stealing every scene you were in, gurl!

Donna Emerson, Senior Managing Partner at Symphonic Ventures! Um. This is literally everything Donna deserves, finally? I'm bummed that we had to wait until the last episode for it, and I don't dig how it feels like Gordon had to die for her to really come into her own, but my g-d: seeing Donna's years of hard work pay off feels good! That she pushes her firm in a new direction, literally renames it, and makes it a place that looks like a perfect balance between the AGGEK offices and the Mutiny house (<3!) is just…I can't, let me stop before I weep with joy…Donna finally has the kind of security she always wanted, now she can do whatever she likes! Including founding Lesbians Who Tech! More to the point: she doesn't seem to want a partner. She's finally comfortable standing on her own, even though it can be lonely.

….whatever was going on with Alexa and Cameron? We never got a name for their venture, right? Anyways. I'm sorry that the show didn't do more with Alexa, but I appreciated the reminder that Cameron isn't suited to the business and networking part of working in tech, and that people easily misinterpret that as brattiness (or worse). It was also a nice reminder of how Donna was a good match for Cameron.

Cameron: I guess it's understandable that after Gordon's death, the end of Comet, the end of a major relationship, and two months in Europe, Cameron would feel like she has no real reason to stay in California, or no real place in even Bos, Donna, and Haley's lives. I can't help but feel slightly disappointed by her wanting to run away -- to Florida, of all places -- but I also really empathize with her struggle to see her own patterns clearly enough to do something about them. In the end, it seems like she's not sure what she wants to do, but like she's sure she wants to do better, and like she wants to see if fixing things with her mom will help her. Despite a lot of loss, Cameron hasn't given up yet. She's still lonely and uncertain but she's strong, and getting better at making and owning her decisions, so, that's actually kind of amazing. Well done, my anxious genius bby!

Haley. While it would've been cool to see Haley start dating Vanessa, in the end, we got to see Haley affirm herself, with the help of her dad's tapes (which, brb crying slightly) and her gay moms (let's just be real?), oh and also her bi uncle(!), and that's even better. Haley might have, like many young women before her, experimented with dating boys despite her limited interest in them, but in the end? She dumps her boyfriend. Haley is getting hit with a lot of change, but she knows who she is (and so does her mom, apparently?!): she's Haley Clark, and she likes computers, comedy, and girls. And she's gonna be okay!

Cameron and Donna. Where do I even start? Finally, after approximately a decade, Cam and Donna have come to fully see and appreciate each other. They've put Mutiny behind them, and they've come to respect each other's space, even -- Donna doesn't try to stop Cameron from leaving town, and Cameron doesn't press Donna about working together. They know where they went wrong in the past and now they're friends. ('Friends'. Right!) Cameron is about to leave when Donna gets an idea, and we don't hear what it is, but from the beginning of Cameron's smile and all the hints dropped through out both final episodes, it seems like Cameron is going to stay and work on this idea with Donna, this time as equal partners. Actually, from all the hints dropped, it seems like Cameron and Donna are eventually going to end up in a romantic relationship together, t b h! Either way, Cameron and Donna are ultimately reaffirmed as the real heart of the show, and their relationship is validated in a way I feel like I really haven't ever seen on film before. That might not matter to a lot of people, but as a lesbian who is deeply emotionally invested in all of her relationships with women, including her friendships with straight women, I can't tell you how happy it made me to see these two lonely, brilliant, sensitive, stone fox, take-no-shit geniuses get the happy ending they've always deserved.

And finally, J*e. I'll just say outright that I don't feel bad for J*e. He went to Texas in 1983, destroyed a lot of lives, spent a decade chasing a woman who repeatedly rejected his advances, and then after a many tragic losses over the course of ten years, he stopped. Okay? He stopped, he stopped chasing a woman he didn't belong with, stopped making collateral damage out of Donna, and maybe most importantly, let himself step away from the tech sector, where he did influential work, but lost so many people, including the love of  his life, and yes, I'm talking about Gordon. Sigh. So long as he isn't coming between or antagonizing Cameron and Donna, I hope J*e will really make this fresh start stick. I hope he'll maybe get some grief counseling, meet a hot single dad or teacher or something, and eventually adopt or foster some kids? We don't get to see that, though. All we know is that he's left behind what wasn't working, and he's trying again. I hate to tell you this babies, but: sometimes, out here in the real world, that really is the best you can do.

I stand by my critiques of the season, especially those regarding the handling of the women characters. Honestly, they also could've done better by J*e, our one canonically non-heterosexual main cast member. But I enjoyed this finale far more than I thought possible, and I needed its overall message. I understand that message to be that we can thrive, despite our flaws, if we find people who get us, work that we enjoy, some kind of niche where we're accepted for who we are and what we love. Even if it takes a while, even if we lose those people and those homes, we can keep searching.

It's been a wild, and super emotional ride, yalce! But like Donna, I loved every minute of it. Because even when I didn't love it, I loved writing about the show and talking to some of you about it here. I genuinely hope that you got as much out of this show as I did, and that it made you feel maybe a little more hopeful, and a little less alone, and that it will keep making you feel that way, even though it's ended its run. I hope that it will do that for me, at least.