#okay anyway I'll save my other rambles for uh idk

[spade-club]

Ive been off tumblr mostly for a few days and had the best week of my life (fri-wed)

Anyway, my friends and I are the absolute cutest. We played spin the bottle, just the five of us, and kept going around and around (to be fair we made some fucked up rules so not all of us even kissed eachother really. Others of us kissed 7 times o.o) And idk. I wish I could explain how much fun ive been having this week but its all so blurry and I may or may not have been high for the past 4 days straight which is not a feeling I've felt at all, before about four days ago. Which sounds like addict behavior, and it is, but it'll go away until it comes back later! Later me's problem! No one will be here to give me endless weed in literally two days, and im not here for the hunt, so whateves.

btw this paragraph is tmi sex stuffs ewwie look away if u dont want to know. But yea, I'm like, really understanding why people do these things. I mean, I am still a trauma sponge, so my enjoyment is very closely tied to how sober I am, but I am still understanding and craving rn, two things I didn't know I was capable of! I have never really Got The Point of sexual interactions, but no one has ever made me Feel Like This so uh, hehe, I'm starting to get it. Endlessly, I am grateful for my person <3 I am also so glad they're so understanding and kinda always the right amount of involved when I tell them things. They take what I say at face value and dont assign extra reasoning to things. If I say, "I got triggered during sex but its not your fault, and its okay," they go, "okay, thanks for letting me know!" And that's that!! Now, they sometimes ask me for pain updates during and also take those answers exactly in the way I mean them!!! & then they adjust accordingly and we move on!!! They dont let their insecurity or fear make me feel bad! And they dont make shitty assumptions on my character for no good reason!! I might be falling in love with them... but that's another tangent. I could go on about them for ever and ever

My friends and I have decided that the five of us are a "mostly platonic polycule," which has absolutely short circuit my brain bc that's all I've ever wanted, really, and it's really nice?? We all adore eachother and we paint together, and we kiss eachother, and go on five person dates, and have sleepovers, and cuddle in the back seat of the car while the other two jam to the music, and refer to a group as 4/5 or 3/5 if someone is missing. Idk, it's just nice, I know it's to be short-lived as we would not survive as a couple without the friend who came to visit (and may not be back again for months.) We will fall apart without her. We're all still good friends tho and im excited to see what does happen next!!

I have so many more songs to relate to now lol

[heavenssexiestangel]

Hello,

I was wondering, what are your headcanons for Ducifer? Like what would make Lucifer overcome his whole.. thing with humanity, and make him fall in love with Dean, and why would Dean fall in love with Lucifer? (Even more so if it's post season 5, there's even more of a challenge there)

Okay so.

I have many headcanons, and also post-s5 Lucifer is basically always OOC compared to what they showed us at first so like. I don't care lmao

Also. I'm shit at explaining my thoughts and who has read my meta before knows this (like for example the ones about Gabriel and loneliness, Lucifer and loneliness, all the ones about Gadreel, the ones about the MOL and specifically Arthur Ketch...). But uh. I'll try I guess?

I don't really have a specific reason why, but I think it could be linked to my way of thinking about Love as the driving force of the world and how love (in all its forms) can heal. Now, Dean is The Righteous Man (don't fight me on this John wasn't it.) And they talk at length about how his soul shines blah blah blah and Lucifer would see that. But that's just the beginning. Because Lucifer would also see what kind of human Dean is: he puts other people first, sacrificing himself to save people. He's selfless. He's broken, in a way. Depressed. And yet he fights to make the world he lives in a better place for other people. Sure, he makes mistakes... But so did Lucifer. And in a way, Dean could fall in love with Lucifer too. He's the son that rebelled, the son that tried (whether he managed or not is up for debate but it's another meta post entirely and also uh i did talk about this in the Archangels server at one point) to get free from his Father's hold. He's what Dean had tried to be and didn't manage to do. Lucifer also sees the world as beautiful, and humans as sort of parasites I guess. But the fact is... It's not true. We were made to protect this world, to make it flourish. It's our duty. And yes, most people lost this meaning along the way... But if we truly see what's up, Dean didn't. He's The Protector, The Caretaker. Whenever he sees someone that might need help, he steps up. And tries his best (which doesn't mean he always does right but again. Human). I think Lucifer, if they had given him the chance to know Dean, would have seen this. Slowly, he would have started to change his mind. Maybe not for all humanity, but for a specific human. Dean. Because as long as there is a Just person in this world (and uhm don't get me started on the meaning of Dean's name in Hebrew), this world is worth saving. Because it means there is still Hope. Now, I do think if Dean had managed to know Lucifer better... He would have seen how Lucifer needed to be loved, but not in Absolutes like the Archangels thinks. What we need is many times not what we need, and in a way... That's very Human of Lucifer. Lucifer shows such deep human emotions, amplified by the fact he doesn't really know how to deal with them... And it's so so interesting. Anyway. If they had managed to get to know each other and see the similarities (again, I did talk about it in the Archangels server lmao about how Dean and Lucifer are two sides of the same coin), they would have fallen for each other. And perhaps, they would have managed to heal. Not in a "oh I'm love now so I'm okay" but in a "You make me better, you make me want to be better" way. Sort of "your love heals me because I know we both made mistakes but we see each other. We see we are not bad, that we can do better, that we can help each other be better". The Enemy falling for The Righteous Man would have been an absolute slap in the face to Chuck, because they would have both strayed from his plan. And they would have found Love and Healing, which are intertwined in my mind.

This is very rambly. I am totally aware. But uh idk how to explain better, fam.

[lastoneout]

oc rambling time owo

Anyway Eugene really is so genuine and earnest that sometimes he says the most romantic shit to Ophelia and has no idea until he see's her blushing and it's adorable cuz like they ofc take a bit to get together for real but Eugene is absolutely accidentally flirting with her all the time and it's not even really an accident he very much means what he says he just didn't mean to say it so openly

and you KNOW this shit annoys Sasha, I mean at first they find it very funny but after a few months of Ophelia being like "okay maaaaybe I like him but there's no way he likes me" they are banging their head against the wall like "Ophelia despite you eventually giving him permission to listen to your old music recordings he refused because he knows that makes you uncomfortable AND he said, and I quote, "already gets to hear the sound of your voice every day and that's more than enough" I'm pretty sure he's fucking in love with you"

like literally Eugene is out there being so bad at hiding his feelings saying shit like "The color of your hair reminds me of the ocean, I always catch myself looking at yo- I mean it, uh, your hair- haha a-anyway it's beautiful that's all" and "Sorry if I take too many pictures of you, I'll stop if you want...I just like to save things that are important to me" and "My favorite part of the morning is when you wake up. The apartment is more than fine! But it's rather...boring, when you're not around. I much prefer getting to share coffee and talk with you"

and Ophelia is like "idk man he's just being nice" and Sasha has to stop themselves from strangling her bcs she just doesn't get it she doesn't even notice how Eugene goes from being kind and pleasant to a fucking glowing blushing mess the second she's in his line of sight OR how he tries to always stand close to her and how he blushes a lot especially when she smiles and he looks like he's never seen something so beautiful when she laughs and he's always offering her his sweater SHE JUST THINKS THAT'S NORMAL bcs that's how he acts around her lmao she's never gonna get it

(And ofc Eugene is way too nice and has WAY too much deep seated self loathing to even CONSIDER that Ophelia might feel the same way despite the fact that if you know what to look for she is ALSO doing a massively shitty job at hiding her feelings lmao she's a quality time/acts of service/gifts bitch and she is going all out!! going with him to the library like every day, happily listening when he gives her the complete abridged history of ceramics or info dumps about seals or whatever else he's been reading about, her bangs are the ONLY thing saving her from it being 100% obvious that she too is always looking at him, buying him stuff she thinks he might like even though he tells her not to waste her money on him just bcs she can at least see how touched he is when she does(and he's never had the luxury of owning more than the clothes on his back and she Must Correct This), despite not being much of a morning person she starts waking up earlier and earlier just so she can talk with him over coffee and breakfast, and my girl may not have quite as many pics of him on her phone but she spends so much time looking at the ones she does have like she has it SO BAD)

but ofc neither of them realize the other likes them!! at least not normally, nah these repressed, dense bitches have the most dramatic confession ever bcs it basically takes a life or death situation for them to get their heads on straight and stop pretending they don't love each other so much it's disgusting

[usersasaki]

hello tumblr user usersasaki 🫵 you will never know who i am! (or who knows lol hi karma <3) this anon has been looking into getting into orv but keeps procrastinating like they do on many other things and so asks you, one of their resident orv likers they know, to uh. idk. but feel free to ramble on about why you like orv so much & why someone should get into it (like me!) so maybe i can finally be convinced to read it Now instead of putting it off for later again and again !! ... or something like that 🥺✨

OK GUYS THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS NOT A DRILLLLL AAAAA HELLO U BEAUTIFUL PERSON I THINK IK WHO U ARE BUT RN I'M SO READY TO CRUSH U IN A BIG HUG REGARDLESS OF THAT

ahem. yes. anyways. i'm totally normal abt this, i totally didn't go feral for a few moments before i started typing this. OK BUT I'M SO READY TO TRY TO CONVINCE U TO READ THIS CUZ WHEN I SAY THIS WEBTOON + WEBNOVEL HAS CHANGED ME ENTIRELY. pls bear with me, giving me a chance to word vomit was not a good idea /hj. i'll put everything under the cut :] and i'll try to keep everything as spoilerless as possible so that u can safely enjoy the story when u get to it

i will apologise in advance for the person i've become, this might end up becoming a HUGE post (edit: i think it did, this is apparently at a lil more than 2k words rn cuz i typed this in google docs for fear of tumblr nuking my entire draft and me having to start all over again)

tldr for those who don't want to go through a 2k essay; orv is for you if you enjoy clean art, stories that will break down your initial expectations and surpass them, and things like found family, love (all kinds), and just an emotional rollercoaster in general. prepare snacks and tissues.

i'll start with the webtoon because that's where it started for me! honestly one of the things i look for most when i start a webtoon is the art. and there are times when even if i like the story, if the art ain't it for me, i'll drop the story 😭💀 but orv has such beautiful and crisp art, very edible art HAHAHA (both webtoon and novel by the way but i'll get to the novel in a bit) it makes me go so O.O sometimes. here's an example of the art, you might've seen it somewhere but i'm still adding it here for the pure beauty of these men named kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk AND ALSO han sooyoung and jung heewon (yes i'm gay, no it's not obvious /j). every character in this webtoon is so well drawn and just. chef's kiss okay, so if you like pretty art, you've got that right here folks.

moving on, the story seems, at first, like a very generic action fantasy webtoon where the world of a novel becomes reality and our mc aka kim dokja is the one who knows how to get to the end and he gets to meet his favourite novel’s protagonist yoo joonghyuk and decides to save the world. but as the story progresses on and on, it becomes so much more than that. the storytelling skills have to be applauded because webtoons can't use lots of words and have to convey things more concisely than their novel counterparts but they've done an amazing job of using the right dialogues in the right places with the right amount of impact. AND as of right now, the story is starting to head towards what i'd like to say is the actual beginning of this webtoon >:) that’s all i can say without spoiling some major things from the novel so,, yeah!

another beautiful part is the portrayal of each of the characters, especially kdj, and their different dynamics with kdj. now kim dokja is our mc and the main narrator of this entire thing so we’re quite limited in that sense because all we see and know is what kim dokja tells us through his narration. a lot of posts have accurately pinned him down as an unreliable narrator because he really only ever shows his companions (and us readers) one part of things and we’re all left to speculate about things. each companion holds a different opinion of kdj but all of them are united in the fact that they trust him to help them get through everything. while the webtoon hasn’t had a chance to explore that yet, i’m looking forward to how they will show it to us :] i’d say that this webtoon is worth a read also because kim dokja is the most mind boggling, intriguing and frustrating character you will ever meet. that’s a fact that’ll get clearer as you get closer to the recent chapters of the webtoon, but i love how he’s relatable in the sense that he both makes me screech in awe but also makes me want to wring his neck with how he is sometimes. i love him *holds him by the neck* (affectionately). oh and when i say every character is just a beautiful piece of art, i mean both their literal art and also the way they’ve been written, though it is more clear in the novel as of right now.

NOW i’m gonna move onto the webnovel because i honestly fell deeper into the rabbit hole purely because of the novel. and sing shong (the author of the webnovel) is an absolute genius for the way they have both intricately and simply pushed a single message throughout the length of the novel. i constantly joke about how reading the orv novel has changed my brain chemistry but i’m not joking most of the time because it really did. in many ways, i’m sure this is a novel i will remember for a very long time to come.

the same points i spoke about for the webtoon stand for the novel as well BUT of course the novel is just immaculately written and it deserves a chance of its own. it’s not that the writing of the novel is extraordinarily fancy or anything, it’s actually quite simple reading without too many complicated words but i think that has a beauty of its own. it’s able to convey what it needs to without having 10 pages of description and that’s awesome to me. there are issues with some things written in the novel but as it isn’t a focus or the point of orv (i got this point from this tumblr post, feel free to read through it if you want to because they have written some great points that can’t be said better by me!), it’s still a novel that entertains you to the fullest.

the characters are admittedly more fleshed out in the novel than the webtoon but that’s because the webtoon is still catching up while the novel is complete (it ended with epilogue chapters but recently the author came out with side stories). the relationships are just very detailed and it gives you a look into not only kim dokja’s head, but also yoo joonghyuk and other characters’ heads as well, though they’re not as common because the majority of the story is in kdj’s point of view. i’ve neglected mentioning other character names so far but kim dokja has a set of the most loyal and sweet and sometimes feral companions besides yoo joonghyuk like yoo sangah, who is someone kdj knew before the novel became their world, jung heewon and lee hyunsung, kdj’s trusty sword and shield, lee gilyoung and shin yoosung, his children (not biological but yes). there’s also lee jihye, an avid yoo joonghyuk follower who insults kdj at every turn but cares for him, and han sooyoung, who is portrayed as a bit of an antagonist or an anti-hero (as far as the webtoon goes anyway wink wink). and a lot of other characters you’ll grow to either love a lot or hate with a passion oR even have your opinion take a whole 180 about as you read on and on, that’s just the kinda novel this is.

don’t even get me started on the underlying themes of this novel. this is me being an english major (and psychology major unintentionally, double major woohoo) through and through but i love analysing characters and figuring out themes that come out through the writing. i won’t go too into the details so that i won’t spoil it for anyone who happens upon this post. but there’s the overarching theme of love; not just romantic love but also platonic love, familial love and the most important one of this novel, self-love. another theme i think is quite relevant and important to this story is more easily relatable to people who read often because it goes into how books can change you BUT you can also change books by reading them over and over again and understanding it better. also how stories can save you but you, as a reader, have the power to save stories by reading them. because in the end, a story continues because you read it. OH I CAN’T FORGET THIS, found family <3 if you’re a fan of found family, this is for you, it’s present throughout the story as a small but encompassing theme.

now this could be just me but i get extremely emotional when it comes to my favourite media, so i squeal with joy at happy parts, sob uncontrollably when sad scenes come up, punch my pillows when something makes me mad⏤ you get my point. and this novel gave me an entire rollercoaster of emotions and made me so URGH in good, bad and ugly ways. it kinda brings me back to my point about kdj being an unreliable narrator since the reason why it gets so hard and sad is because this man never tells anyone anything. he takes it upon himself to do everything, much to the annoyance and despair of his companions and us the readers. we know nothing other than what kdj is willing to tell us, not about his plans, not about him, not about his own feelings. and we’re left to guess and guess until everything is laid bare and then we’re still trying to. process everything. yeah i don’t know if this part is making any sense but i can’t really go into detail without majorly spoiling the story. so you’re gonna have to come back to my post once you’re done to be like “ohhh, right this is what they meant.” /j

To move to a lighter and probably my last point, the novel illustrations are gold i tell you. it’s done by a person named blackbox or bb-nim for short and i love just going through their art for fun. of course, if you’re reading it on a website like i did, then you’re not going to see the illustrations side by side so you should definitely check out blackbox’s twitter which i’ve linked here :] you’ll probably also find their art on pinterest. gorgeous art i tell you, BUT BUT BUT there are spoilers here and there so beware if you go digging through their media tab on their twt. I’ll put some of my favourite pieces that are as non-spoiler as possible under this

so. yeah. these are my reasons for why you should read both the orv webtoon and novel. In the end, all i can say is that if you give them a chance, you’ll probably get hooked just as i did. i knew to a certain extent about how the novel was but nothing prepared me enough but i’m not complaining because it is genuinely so good. i’ll add a list of content warnings here that i got from the wiki page because i don’t want anyone to be ambushed by anything they’re not comfortable with reading: graphic violence, death and murder, depression, anxiety, suicidal ideation, suicide, body horror, dissociation, transphobia (this might be a deal breaker and it would be for me too as a nonbinary person but it’s not a major focus and happens a couple times throughout the story), cephalopods, tentacles (yes these are real content warnings on the wiki HAHAHA), and finally hospitals.

to all of you who actually read this far, thank you! you are a great person for reading through a random person on the internet go on and on about a webtoon and novel, hope you have an awesome day/night ahead of you! if you have any questions about things in the webtoon or novel, feel free to hit me up, i’m always down to have conversations about orv (none of my irls have read it but i will use this essay to convince one of them to give it a chance so wish me luck). anyway, peace out folks! :]

[multi-lefaiye]

hi hi multi! I was wondering if I could get a ramble about some of your favourite dating sims? the stream the other day was v fun ^-^

oh hi hi hello logan!!! :D yeah sure!!! i love talking about dating sims ASDFJKL; i just think they're neat <3

so i think i'll talk about like. a few dating sims i love, some things i like about them, and then my favorite route(s).

fair warning, some of these games have some triggering content! i'll try not to go into detail, and i probably won't go into specifics, but still! fair warning.

1 - star days

okay so the one i was playing on stream was called star days, made by the artist pacthesis! she doesn't make games anymore and unfortunately has taken her games off the internet, but i have this one and my other favorite of hers saved <3

star days is about a group of people from different universes coming together to journey to a mythical place called The Constellations, with the intent of resurrecting people they've loved and lost.

it's less about the romance and more about the grief counseling. like the dating is fun but everyone's MOVING ON!!!

all the characters (except cil) are endearing to me in their own ways, but my favorite endings:

platonic ending - the main characters all find reasons to live and move on and remain best friends, going on adventures together and exploring other universes and beyond.

quoto - quoto is just the perfect man- idk i just think he's super sweet?? like the themes around his storyline are a lot about the importance (or lack thereof) in appearances and i think that's just neat.

vanni - MOVING ON AFTER A TRAGEDY AND FINDING REASONS TO LIVE AFTER LOSING IT ALL... MWAH MWAH.

--

2 - number days

so this is another pacthesis game! actually the last one she completed in full before leaving the internet for a while.

ANYWAY the premise around this one is that a group of people who visit a new amusement park that opens one day and end up mysteriously trapped inside, with no one else around. they each receive mysterious text messages from an unknown number saying this: "your time here will run out when your number reaches zero." and from that moment on, their phones display a number between 0 and 100.

it's SUCH an interesting game to me with really cool storylines imo!!! like it's definitely aged a little poorly, but i think it's a fascinating narrative. even romance aside, i love the characters and i genuinely can't pick a favorite.

this is also the other pacthesis game i have archived so we can play this on stream as well :3c

in terms of favorite routes.... i think my favorite one is arlo's route. it makes me so so sad and it's so so sweet and it really hammers homes these themes of like... loneliness and self love and acceptance. it's good shit. also arlo's just a cutie, even if he's kind of a weirdo <3

the platonic ending here is also a delight!!! though i don't remember all the details about it except that it made me cry the first time i got it <3

--

3 - mystic messenger

ohhh i could say so much about this game. it definitely has a lot of issues, especially in its writing (and especially in its portrayal of mental health and specifically more stigmatized disorders), but god i was fixated on this game for YEARS. i've played it so many times.

mystic messenger is a dating sim that follows real-time, each run taking place over the course of 11 days. the basic premise is that the player ends up joining a secret charity organization called the RFA, and as they work with this group they slowly start to uncover more and more of its secrets.

one thing i love about mysmes is that, like.... to get the full picture, you do have to do every character's route. every character's storyline reveals a little more of the story, to the point that i actually have a recommended order i give people for doing the routes if they play this X3 it also has a ton of different endings to explore!

the only downside is that uh. it's a time commitment. if you don't keep up with the game you can get a *real* nasty ending. and this game also gets dark as FUCK at times, like the player can die and so can most of the love interests-

anyway i love all the characters in this game for the most part, so it's hard to pick a favorite! 707 is a huge comfort character for me, though, and his route means so much to me. it really hits home with me personally in so many ways.

even though i always tell people to do his route last ASDFJKL;

--

4 - mechat

ok i just wanna give an honorary mention to mechat b/c that's the one i'm playing right now- fair warning, though, this game is SIGNIFICANTLY more nsfw than the other two here!!!! like. holy fuck. do not check this out if you're a minor or otherwise not interested in spicy content. (though i think the adult content can be turned off in settings.)

mechat is fun because it's like... fictional tinder. you can match with as many characters as you'd like and explore their storylines. not all of them are fun, but they're all interesting imo.

my favorite so far is shion b/c he's a beautiful man with long red hair who has several warrants out for his arrest and takes you on a date to do arson together. what a guy <3

i also love the sheer confidence this game has in never explaining the supernatural elements. like yeah some of these characters are regular ass people. some of them are demons. some are aliens. some are cryptids. deal with it.

another thing that's interesting to me about mechat is that some characters have counterparts with alternate designs and names--the storylines don't change, but you can swap 'em out if you don't like their faces i guess.

--

5 - monster prom series

so i have yet to play these games by myself but i've played all of them with friends and my partner and just??? so fun??? i love it. they're so fun and interesting and delightful. these games have a special place in my heart, both for the sheer silliness and wacky hijinks and the memorable characters! also the queerness all throughout them.

i also do love that in the first game there's a storyline centering around one of the potential love interests being aroace and talking about like. boundaries and consent and becoming really good friends with them rather than dating them or seducing them. i've heard some complaints about how this storyline is handled, but tbh i think it's fun <3

i have a hard time picking favorites in this series, but i love calculester so so much <333 and milo <3333333 and moss mann <3333

--

anyway yeah these are some of my favorite dating sims!! there are some i may be forgetting but ye i love these <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Carly

Ali: How do you like your  🥚🍳 in the morning? Carly: no 🐣 Carly: ha Ali: 🐔 didn't show up in your roost later, did he? Carly: he must be scared of you Carly: 🔮 Ali: or my 🐺 Carly: maybe Ali: eggs aside, how you feeling, chick? Carly: 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 Ali: 👎👎👎👎👎 Ali: unacceptable! Ali: what do you need, kill or cure? Carly: cure forever Carly: im too young to die Ali: I'll swing by with my witches brew Ali: actually doesn't taste like ☠ either Ali: pure 😇 Carly: aw Carly: really? Ali: 'course, not gonna half-arse the job Ali: and it makes a full pot, no sense in not sharing the 💚 Carly: 💙 Carly: wat does it taste like? Ali: like Christmas 🎄🎅🤶🎁❄️🌨️☃️✨🌟 Carly: 😋😊🥰 Ali: it's got ginger and peppermint in Ali: the only other person hanging out their arse is my brother and he would rather die 'cos he's grumpy 👴 man energy so Carly: no 🦃 tho yea?! ha Carly: oh no he sounds like my da Carly: which cute bro is it? Ali: definitely not 😂 Ali: some greens but not sprouts Ali: the freckly one Carly: did u heal my heart to 💔😢? Carly: course itd be the most beautiful one Ali: oh no, you're delirious Ali: I'll come quick 😜 Carly: dont b jealous 👼 hes only the most beautiful boy Ali: 😏 My ma'll be gutted Carly: do u have a tea for that? Ali: 🍋 'cos she's so bitter? Ali: I'll see if she goes for it Carly: noooo 🍯 so she wont be Ali: you're too sweet yourself, Walsh Carly: aw Carly: but ur the 1 who saved me Carly: ur the sweetest Ali: anyone would Carly: nah ur the 1st Carly: not just saying it to u get ur fairy wings Ali: had to fly away from that particular 🐔 plenty myself Ali: harmless and flightless though he is, most the time Carly: yea Carly: he talks about u wen hes been on it Carly: the 1 that flew away Ali: uh oh Ali: can't let a boy ✂ your wings Ali: ever Ali: ever Ali: 👼🏽 🐔 🐧 🐦 🐤 🐣 🐥 🦆 🦢 🦅 🦉 🦚 🦜 🦇 🐝 🦋 🐞 🦗 🦟 🐓 🦃 🕊 Carly: im 😕💫🙃 but idk if those were the guests i danced with Carly: did get a cute lil 🎶🎤 to fall asleep to tho 💙🕊 Carly: 🌚🌝🌛🌜🌞 Ali: very 👸 of you though Ali: I can 👀 it Carly: my ma is trying to make me clean Carly: 🐇🐁🐀🐿🦔🐾 pls Ali: also unacceptable Ali: not 'til you're better Ali: use my wings to fly through and 🤞 he don't get the wrong idea about who I'm there to see Carly: [sends her a pic of whatever caravan mess she caused last night that her mum is raging about] Carly: so u can play a game of spot whats got her 😠 Carly: cuz idk Ali: Fun 🧐🤔🤨 Ali: angry mothers are my forte Ali: [does the circling the hazzards moment on the pic] Carly: making her angry is mine but nah to knowing y ever ever Carly: k ur cute & smart Carly: 🌟 Ali: it's rarely logical, but 🤫 on that or it's hulk levels in 0-60 Ali: how are you this nice when you're 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 Ali: that's a skill, rare one at that 💎✨ Carly: my da is looking green must of had his own 🎶🍻💃 ha Carly: idk i can b nicer? but k now i know ronan aint been talking bout me when hes 🍺 or 💊 Ali: can be a tea party for three Ali: have to bring his own 🎩 though Ali: not to me anyway Ali: but as you can tell Ali: 🐺 keeps all the 🐓🐓🐓 away Carly: 🐇🐇🐇♠️♣️♥️♦️🐇🐇🐇 Carly: she is fierce Ali: she likes to think so Ali: 🐶 really Carly: course ur not scared of her silly Carly: u love her Carly: im a ��� person ha Ali: [sends her a load of pictures of Bluebeard she didn't ask for rather than being like do I love her hmm] Carly: AW!!!! Carly: 🥰🤗 Ali: he's captain ☠🏴 but there's always room aboard Carly: thats the best offer ive had from a gentleman ever ever ever Carly: whats his name? Ali: Bluebeard Ali: and he is MOSTLY a gentleman if you can handle some toe nibbling Carly: 😍😍😍😍 Carly: into it Carly: ive done more for lads i just met who aint as beautiful so Ali: 😂 I feel that Ali: honestly, it's quite comforting, when he doesn't sneak attack you with it Carly: [sends her a selfie that shouldn't be as adorable as it is] Carly: now u can introduce us Carly: 👋 baby blue Ali: the 😍😍😍😍 are mutual Ali: I can tell Carly: yay Carly: 🧡 Ali: is there anything else you need/we want for the tea party? Ali: en-route at last Carly: ur really coming? Ali: yeah, sorry I was ages, it's a whole process brewing it Ali: also a dead giveaway you're 😷🤒🤕🤢🤮 which obvs my ma takes as her cue to be all Spanish inquisition about it Ali: 📚 of my mostly-fictional-but-which-are-and-which-aren't-mother exploits later Carly: sorry iou so much magic Ali: nah, don't worry about it 👸 Ali: who doesn't love a little scandal with their morning brew? she deffo does Carly: its too late im looking for 🍀 Carly: among the 🌼🌼🌼 Ali: awh Ali: I'm never turning down extra luck Ali: we can make daisy-chains Carly: its the dresscode Carly: soz da Ali: does he have a 🧔? Ali: that's a #look Carly: not rn Carly: my ma wasnt on @ me only to clean up Carly: he had his turn Ali: damn it Ali: maybe a nice belt Ali: I'll be 🤔 Carly: dont b 💔😢 he has bushy eyebrows Ali: same Ali: he's earnt his invite back Ali: your ma gonna have to chill though Ali: and it ain't that kinda tea 💔 Carly: you wont b able to tell if shes angry or surprised Ali: 😚 ⬅ I know the vibe Ali: you do you babe Carly: she used to let me sort em out but there was an accident Carly: which im sworn to secrecy about Ali: I'm so good with secrets 🙏🙏🙏 Carly: k Carly: my head zoned out but my hands kept going like Ali: you were meditating you can't help having  🌌🧠 Ali: I'll 🤭 now and never tell, don't worry Mrs W Carly: @ school yea im meditating on your q sir relax Carly: ha love that Ali: they just ask questions to answer it themselves, what is the point Carly: u coming for my ma again? Ali: 🤫 bad first impression, that Carly: shes heard it from ronan too sorry Carly: lad has loose lips Ali: honestly Ali: 🙄 can't keep up with my bad reputation Carly: ud think hed be better at kissing Carly: its talk talk talk Carly: more good things about u than ive made it seem like tho Ali: he was a big talker Ali: probably 'cos he ain't allowed with the lads Carly: if he talked about what a 👼 u are & how 💔😢 he is theyd uninvite him from the bonfire Carly: its sweet really how hung up hes got Ali: he only thinks I'm an 👼 'cos he took my virginity probs Ali: that's more suitable 🔥side chat Carly: he goes on about that alot but I thought he was lying Carly: oh no that sounds bad Carly: not calling u a slag ur obvs not its y he likes u more Ali: 😂 I'm fine with slag Ali: all definition dependent anyway Carly: yea same Carly: can be hot if ur in the mood Ali: right, and if I'm a slag 'cos I didn't marry him then I'll take it Carly: & hes not allowed to marry gorgers theyd wanna throw him in the 🔥 Ali: exactly Ali: we can't both be 💔😢 forever can we boy Carly: just me @ the party til u came to my rescue Ali: 🥺 Ali: What was he even on about then, like? Ali: dickhead Carly: idk i zone out wen he shouts @ me too Ali: I can always poison a cup and send it his way Ali: just say the word Carly: hes not that bad Ali: okay okay, just some laxatives Ali: 'cos he's a bit 💩 Carly: ha Ali: no 🌼🌼🌼 unless he says soz then Carly: but his beautiful curls 🥺 Ali: hmm, a good point Ali: be strong, baby Carly: ill throw one @ him & run away Carly: back to u Ali: you're so adorable Carly: says u Carly: 👼👸🏼 Ali: 💚 we're gonna have an adventure when the tea hits okay Ali: I've decided Carly: k thats the kinda 🎄🎅🤶🎁 it is Carly: i do want the energy of a kid on xmas morning Ali: that's the best Ali: how I'm tryna be every day Carly: 💫⭐️🌟✨⚡️☄️ 🚀🛸 Ali: if only 🚀 Ali: this bike can only go as fast as my lil legs can carry, like Carly: aw baby Carly: i shouldve asked u where u live before this 2nd rescue was launched Carly: im sorry Ali: No distance is too far for a fair maiden Carly: ill have to see what other 🔮 i can find before u get here Carly: dont love ious Ali: there's no ious Carly: [sending her loads of pics of her with or just pics of the cat lady's cats that she's rounding up for this tea party and they're adorable] Ali: 😍💞😻 Ali: okay, non-debt fully paid though Carly: [just rambling about the names she's given each cat cos her and cat lady don't know each other properly til Ali comes along and like facts about each cat/her fave things cos she's a big nerd] Ali: I love them Ali: I'm gonna get them some 🐟🐟🐟 when I get tea party tings Ali: some cream, awh, okay, this is happening Carly: im picking enough 🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼🌼 for everyone Ali: should've put Bluebs in my basket Ali: next time Carly: aw Carly: Humbug might try & fight him Carly: youd b there to protect him tho Ali: I can ref Ali: my little brother is always trying to play-fight everyone so I'm well-versed Carly: is he ticklish? that works for me Carly: broken up lots of fights Ali: big time Ali: his kryptonite Ali: reckon it's against the rules in professional fights but preparing him for anything like any good big sister Carly: ha Carly: aw i bet ur an amazing sister Carly: if i had 1 maybe id wanna be on site sometimes Carly: my ma's eyebrows r hardly a call to home Ali: he might disagree but he's 5 so what does he know 😉 Ali: feel that though Ali: home is just a base, whole 🌍 out there Carly: wen ur 5 you argue to argue Carly: yea if u dont use ur wings theyll think u dont want em 💔😢 Ali: flying is like riding a 🚲 though Carly: r we goin on a 🚲 adventure? Ali: definitely Ali: ugh, need one of those wagons for the 😻😻😻s Carly: ☺️its gonna b so fun! Carly: we might meet more 🐈🐈🐈🐈 Ali: way better than 🐔 Carly: ha Carly: do u have 🔮 left to help me find shoes? Ali: have you checked the fridge? Carly: [a pause while she do] Carly: theyre not there 😕🧐 Ali: damn, that'd be the last place I'd look though Ali: were they in the mess your Ma was sounding off about fr Carly: o mayb Carly: if i was wearing any when you dropped me off Ali: 🤔 I don't know if I recall any glass slippers Ali: I'll ask Lene hold up Carly: 👸 energy Carly: but idk if i wanna scary 🐺 at my door Ali: turns out she's actually your 👵 Carly: ha my grandma is 💍 to god Carly: its not close to the energy shes putting out Ali: she'd probably tell your actual that God is a gay girl Ali: nah she's well 😇 around fam, just hide behind your Ma and me, baby, you'll be fine Carly: ha that wasn't in any of the kids bible stories she sent me every 🎄🎅🤶🎁 Carly: her god is 😠 than Humbug Carly: he likes to shout so i gotta zone out Carly: aw that's sweet ur ma loves her too? Ali: Hooray for Catholicism, yeah? 😏 Ali: she loves my Ma, more like Carly: we spend our sundays on our knees nana but its 🚽🤮 or u kno a bigger sin Carly: u do look like her i remember Ali: that's not QUITE 🚽🤮 levels but close 😂 Carly: nah its nice u have the same 👀💙✨ Carly: idk who i look like Carly: postman maybe Ali: now I don't know whether to 😳 or be 🤨 you like my Ma too Ali: you look like you and that's Ali: 💛 😍 😘 🥰 😚 👸 👼🏽 🐰 🌼 🌻 🌞 🍓 🍑 🍨 🍰 🍭 🍬 🎆 💜 Carly: yea 🤞🙏🌠 the postman isnt my da cuz hes a ride Carly: aw now youve got me 😳 Ali: rude, my postman is not Carly: 🚫💌 then baby Carly: ill text u instead Ali: so grumpy, don't stick your hand right into our house if you don't wanna get bitten, sir Ali: not by me, whatever Ronan has said Ali: though I'm well flattered I'm getting a text back Carly: ha its k its not that u use too much teeth Carly: & course ur my hero Carly: tho 🤞🙏🌠 wont b an sos every time Ali: good, can't have him putting you off with blatant lies Ali: it won't be if I do a better job at the heroics and get there before any bad shit can happen Carly: its k i like it Carly: helps me remember what i did Carly: 💔😢 no lads r spelling their names out in bruises for the who Carly: 🐇🐾🐇🐾🐇 Carly: nooo theres no better u could do Carly: ur flying to me faster than anyone has ever ever Ali: amateurs, like Ali: so rude, ain't they heard you're 👸 Ali: I'm basically there now, prepare for the best tea party you've ever been to Carly: aint wat theyve heard but idc Carly: yay 💙 i havent had 1 since me & my 🧸🧸🧸 Ali: I'll be 🎶🔊 it so get in the know lads Ali: awh, can I meet them too? Carly: not too 🔊 or ur gf will bite me which could b fun but im not trying to do u like 💔😢 Carly: some r shyer than others but if u work ur 🔮 how u did for me ull make friends Ali: fill your boots, babe, I don't reckon she's your type, like Ali: I'll be on my best behaviour 🤞 Ali: the loveliest guest you've ever had 🤞🤞 Carly: be fun though Carly: not boring Ali: 😲😲 Ali: Is that the impression I give off? Ali: or another Ronan tale, either way Ali: gonna have to prove otherwise now in the most extra ways imaginable Carly: nahhh Carly: he don't lie to me its his 1 saving grace Carly: its just like a pls Carly: to u & the universe Ali: I won't be boring Ali: trust me Carly: k Carly: i do ur a lifesaver Ali: nah Ali: just happy to help Carly: im happy we r mates Ali: me too Ali: idk why we weren't before, like Ali: too many people at school Carly: & i dont go much ha Ali: this is true Ali: lesser spotted walsh 🐦 Carly: oooh wat colours am i Ali: 💗💜💛🧡💗 Carly: cute Ali: very Carly: wats ur fave colour? Ali: It's a harder question than people reckon, that Ali: like, there's so many beautiful things of every colour Ali: if I can decide for the day, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to all the others Carly: sorry Carly: i havent decided on mine either Carly: when i was a lil kid it was 💛 for the 🌞 then wen i started goin out it was silver for wat i thought the 🌚 looked like Carly: but ive seen so many new colours since Ali: kids always know Ali: they're much smarter than adults about everything Carly: i bet ur lil bro is the smartest Carly: like u Ali: he likes red for 🚨❌🛑⛔️🚫💯‼️🥊🥤 Ali: and I see the appeal Carly: does he like 🍎? i kno somewhere that sells the reddest shiniest 1s Carly: or we cud just throw 🍅s Ali: he's at the anti-fruit stage Ali: but I reckon he could be convinced if we let him smother 'em in caramel and sprinkles Carly: its a date Ali: Me first

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

This had to be explained to me this morning...

Okay why I don't fucking know and they won't bother because it's fucking dumb and lazy I'm quite sure.

But.

Apparently I won't be home for Christmas, Annabelle and I will be stuck out at the Uncle, Clone, Socrates Christmas Horror with probably my cousin Chris.. Maybe my brother...

And so I said "what are people supposed to think? They're supposed to be happy and experiencing new things, this is old shit and for me?! That's gonna make them feel even worse knowing I can't be with my Kidd over some stupid invalid shit that I don't even understand except it's just plain laziness, idiotic and definitely developed by a male!! A male that's lazy about his family!!"

William: let me defend myself

Me: shut up

So I was told by someone, someone i stole a gun from shortly before my faux 16th birthday in an attempt to help save the planet (Not William but an undercover CIA agent), that in his heart he was told that this Christmas when people look around think 'Sabrina is missing out on this kind of happiness with her family' that they should remember and realize that the sadness they feel for me was felt for millions of human trafficked victims world wide, every Christmas and every holiday.

Some of us didn't know about it. Or had forgotten. So let this be the last Christmas any one is sad. It will always be a serious issue in our hearts and minds and souls. But not forever should we carry the burden of sadness and fear.

This year is the eradication of the solitude of the sadness of each Holiday being sad. Now we all know why gramma would sit in the chair alone hugging herself quietly at,the end of the day or sit the camcorder in the corner and refuse to participate like a granddaughter thought she should and try to get her to interact more because she didn't seem happy enough.

This Christmas: the sadness shall be replaced with cheer. The fear with triumph and joy.

And yes you will remember I'll not be happy and my kids without their parents.

But they have my real mom and dad. My real twin brother. Their not real Uncle that loves them as much as a dad. And many more people, nearly 100 in their neat home giving them best wishes and having Christmas dinner.

No way in Hell nor God's green Earth would i allow them to miss Christmas.

So today they will open presents from Uncle Garth and tomorrow Trisha's stockings, the next day from the Dildo King who has been making new things with his family (faux Uncle Garth and real Uncle Matt) that i asked Uncle to purchase 3 years ago in preparation of taking care of my children. And on down. And hopefully I'll be able to get there while Christmas is still happening.

I'm there in spirit as i always have been and that is my Christmas Lesson to know I cared about Children i didn't know i had. And for Declan and Annabelle, too. To know they also assumed one day they would feel Christmas joy as they once had when they were little and alone, listening to little voices explain how things were different where they lived yet no matter how close they felt they knew things were too far to really feel the Christmas joy as they should. This year they will know why.

As Declan explains. Its beautiful because they never expressed unhappiness or even jealousy or loneliness, just an eagerness to understand what they were missing out on because their belief was one day they would experience it out of slavery and here with us.

And it's true. Since my divorce... The ability to do Christmas All big and strong has dwindled... Because i have too much pain, mostly physical and can't gather the strength to make it perfect in every way. And as getting older goes Declan couldn't also hide his worries from his soulmate. Although we worked together to make it best for Annabelle. For us it was more about "Thank God it's Done and everything went perfect"

So this year... Apparently William's laziness wants us to feel that before Christmas. -.- or at Christmas. -.- like i really care. We still have so much work to do! We have mental health and we have bunkers to redo so they're not bunkers and factories to move and figure out what to do with. And employ people at a rate that doesn't cause insane inflation. Like work is never over. So Idk whst the fuck hes thinking. Im All about letting those miserable souls we can't get the missle at think they can enjoy Christmas. Pay a lot of someone's an insane amount of money to miss Christmas and sit outside their house and shadow shot them when they attempt to leave. Drop down the fucking chimney at night... Now that it's raining because the world cries for us...maybe that's not the best idea but still you get the picture. See, my husband is lazy and has no defenses. But i still love him anyways although his life woild be easier if he just listened and didn't pretend he didn't ever hear whole discussions we had where he was all "oh that's so smart!!" And make new plans when he sure as Hell knew i wasn't listening and my face looked like this:

And he tells me i should take a picture of myself because hes too afraid to tell me i look mad and wants to soften things up.

Uh Yeah when you abandon me in Hell when i fully expressed that i wanted him to come back full body in our old truck and drive me to Macy's in Oklahoma So we can get the kids Christmas presents in the form of bedding and some holiday clothing like nice dresses and suits. That they can wear while playing in mud puddles because that's what life is about as stains are like scars but stains remember less pain usually, and more laughter than tears and fears. Then he could leave me at Uncle Garths while he goes back to work. So we could spend the whole drive together and shopping time and then Declan could caravan with us.

But no. Hes all about abandonment because its easy. -.-

And now he's like way way beyond scared. Well that's what a mad face is about. Its the door to truth. And truth isn't always happy or pretty.

Its scary. And it's real. And it doesn't go away. Its Not just a point of view, it is total truth. Its at least 2 points of view and a validation.

When i told him what i wanted he promised he could do it and wss very happy.

So then later he's rambling about me stsying here while im busy making gingerbread houses and I'm quite sure he inhaled too much Stevia powder we used for snow.

William: hey now I don't wanna be in control anymore i want my wife to tell me what to do!

Uncle Donald: are you trying to hide behind Uncle Donald?

William: I'm heading that way!

Uncle Donald: well you get back to body life for yourself and we will make sure you get there safe. If not we will Chinook her express. How does that sound?

William: well uhhh how does that sound to you? Im asking Uncle Donald.

Uncle Donald: well you have a period of 2 hours to decide then we are taking her and the kids and Uncle Dan, as she calls him, with respect because hes always been kind to her.

Me: sounds good to me

William: what about those other guys that have been fighting for her?

Me: Christmas comes the same time every fucking year. Like you they ain't spent it with me so they obviously don't care.

William: well uh they care, now.

Me: because they have an opportunity to and they're all taking too long. What? We put the calender on pause because they didn't make their own opportunities? No they hurry the fuck up. Maybe they will make it but not fair to my children to wait on them to finish and any husband od kine will understand that.

William: not if they always lived in a bunker

Me: well that is why we already placed human trafficking victims with their families as best and as fast as we can So that they can learn to understand. Because it's not something that can be taught, its something that's felt only when together in happiness and love in a group. Its like having a whole meal and not just a bag of chips.

William: that's all you gotta say.

Uncle Donald: Sabrina...

Me: we already have a standing plan from August. It will be easy.

Uncle Donald: that's all

Me: thank you. And Merry Christmas.