#okay arin i take back what i said about your shit taste in music this one time

[little-flame-prince]

i wanna inject the music video to the Gogol Bordello song American Wedding directly into my veins

[egobangin-tonight]

[shackalacklargebottom]

Gonna post this again for my own tags/tagging purposes - originally for omgsuchegobang’s “Fluff Me To Death” contest. Not so fluffy, at least at the beginning, but we’ll get there.

*** *** ***

Subject: Definitely Just Grump Business

From: Arin Hanson (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Alright gang,

Contrary to the clever and misleading subject line, this is NOT just Grump business. That was a ruse to keep Dan off our backs. Pretty smart, right?

We’re a week out, so I wanted to touch base with everyone about Dan’s birthday party. How’s everything coming together?

Your Lord and Commander, Arin

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Suzy (xXgoth_kittyXx@aol.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Cake = covered! …mostly. Dan’s not allergic to peanut butter, right? Are peanuts kosher?

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Barry (nonbarrykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Hey boss!

I’m taking Dan out Friday afternoon so you guys can come by and decorate the apartment. We’ll probably go see a movie or something. How much time do you think you’ll need?

- B

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Barry

…The party’s on Saturday, B.

Grumpily Yours, Arin

Subject: Shit. From: Barry To: Arin

Shit. I, uh, kinda had plans on Saturday…

- B

Subject: Are you shitting me From: Arin To: Barry

Seriously, Barr?

Definitely Grumpily Yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Are you shitting me From: Barry To: Arin

I kid, I kid. Saturday it is.

- B

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Brian (wechtb@qmul.ac.uk) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Arin,

Thank you for the helpful reminder email. I’ve been working on a playlist I think Danny will really enjoy, so consider music/DJ services officially covered.

By the way, make sure to reply ONLY to my work email - Danny has access to the Ninja Sex Party account. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise by mistake.

Best, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Brian

Great. Great. Sounds awesome…. by “playlist”, you definitely *don’t* mean “every Rush album in order played back-to-back”, right? Just checking.

Final boss, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump B…

From: Brian To: Arin

Arin,

I didn’t say I was finished working on it. I’ll have something, ah… varied, for Saturday.

Adverbially yours, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Dan’s having a birthday party?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Ross

Rosssssssss.

Not amused, Arin

Subject: Fwd: Shit. From: Barry (nonbarrykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

Baaaaabe,

So I kinda maybe forgot Dan’s birthday party was this weekend. Can we switch our plans to Friday night instead? I promised Arin I’d distract Dan while everyone sets up.

- B

Subject: Re: Fwd: Shit. From: Ross To: Barry

Fine… but only ‘cause you’re so cute, y’know?

One condition: you wear that leather thing from the other night.

xoxo Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump B… From: Ross To: Arin

Relax, dude, I’m totally joking. I definitely didn’t have any plans for Saturday.

I’m gonna pick up the decorations after work tomorrow night. The bachelorette party section at Party City should have dick-shaped pinatas, right? Dan’ll LOVE one of those!

xxxx Ross

Subject: I’m gonna make YOUR dick a pinata From: Arin To: Ross

What do you mean, you didn’t have plans for Saturday? Did you and Barry *both* forget about the party?!!? What, were you guys gonna hang out together or something?

Jesus. No. We’re not celebrating Dan’s birthday by beating a giant penis with a stick. I thought we agreed on a beach/island theme?

Get your shit together, Arin

Subject: If my dick were a pinata would I jizz candy? From: Ross To: Arin

No, Barry and I did not forget. How could I forget about Dan’s birthday? I already said I DIDN’T have plans. I didn’t even know Barry had plans. I bet if Barry did have plans, our plans wouldn’t have coincided. At all. And they wouldn’t have involved leather. Who’s Barry, anyway? He sounds like a fun guy.

Fine. Beachy island whatever it is. You just want an excuse to wear a bikini top in front of ~❤Daniel❤~

Wait… Brilliant idea… dicks on the beach! Best surprise birthday party theme ever!! I’m a genius.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Ross To: Barry

Fuuuck. I think Arin might be onto us….

xoxo Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Barry To: Ross

Uh, okay? What do I do if he asks me about it??

- B

Subject: Fess up From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry (nonbarrykreamer@yahoo.com)

Barry,

Buddy. It’s okay. You can tell me the truth.

Unforgettably yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Arin

Fine. Fine. Okay. You got us. Ross and I have been… intimate, for the last couple of months.

We just didn’t want to freak everyone out or mess with the office dynamic or anything!! Especially since we weren’t even sure if it was gonna work out!!! But it’s been going really well and we were gonna tell everyone soon I’M SORRY

Do us a favor and don’t tell Dan, okay? I wanna tell him on my own. Like a roomie thing.

Actually, don’t tell Brian either. He’d want to watch.

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Ross To: Barry

I think I managed to cover for us pretty smoothly, if I do say so myself, so just be cool and don’t say anything if he asks.

xoxo Ross

Subject: FUCK From: Barry To: Ross

FUCK I LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG

(OUT OF THE CLOSET, WHATEVER)

I’M SORRY

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Barry CC: Ross (hotrossbuns@gmail.com)

Wait, what? You’re gay? Or bi or pan or??

?????, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Arin, Ross (see details)

Uhhhhh, yep, as it turns out… wait, what were YOU talking about?

- B???

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Barry, Ross (see details)

I just meant you can tell me you forgot about Dan’s birthday!!! Holy shit. Well, congrats dude. Although why you’d wanna be stuck with Ross is beyond me.

Speaking of, can you please make sure he doesn’t buy anything inappropriate for the party? I had to remind him a pinata shaped like a schween probably isn’t going to fit the theme.

Royally yours, Princess Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Ross, Arin (see details)

YOU’RE GETTING US A PEEÑATA?! Dan’s gonna love it!!

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Ross, Barry (see details)

NO, he is NOT.

No dicks allowed, Arin

Subject: Suck my candy-flavored cock Hanson From: Ross To: Arin, Barry (see details)

YES, he IS. Why, does the thought of Dan seeing another dick make you ~jealous?

xxxx Ross

PS Barry! “Peeñata”! You’re hilarious, babe.

Subject: Fuck off Ross From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

…………../´¯/) …………,/¯../ ………../…./ …../´¯/’…’/´¯¯`·¸ ../’/…/…./……./¨¯\ (’(…´…´…. ¯~/’…’) ..…………….’…../ ..“….……… _.·´ …..………….( …….…………\

Definitely not jealous of a paper-mâchè cock, Arin

Subject: Boring Work-Related Email From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Okay everybody. Doubling down because there seems to be some… confusion about this party situation.

Suzy, the cake sounds great. Dan’s probably not religiously opposed *or* allergic to peanuts, since yesterday I watched him inhale a family-sized bag of mini Reese’s cups in under twenty minutes, and he survived to make it to the Grump session this morning.

Brian, lots of Rush is cool, but maybe we could try adding some songs people can dance to?

Barry, we’ll probably need about two hours to decorate. Taking Dan to a movie is perfect.

Ross… just remember what I said about dicks.

Stay sparkly, Arin

Subject: Jog my memory From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

But Arin, you say so MUCH about dicks. How can I possibly remember one specific instance?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Boring Work-Related Email From: Brian (wechtb@qmul.ac.uk) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy

Hello again, all,

The only thing left to do is get creative with the tech setup. I’m thinking disco ball, laser light show, maybe a smoke machine? Something really tasteful and understated. Let me know your thoughts.

Murderous regards, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related Email From: Suzy (xX_gothkitty_Xx@aol.com) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Ross (see details)

Getting ExCiTeD! About this party! Here’s a mock-up of the cake decorations.

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Attached: cakedeco.jpg

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related Em… From: Arin To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy

Brian, do you have a disco ball? Or lasers or a smoke machine?

And Suzy, that looks incredible! …I’m just not sure how a creepy tombstone cake fits in with our “beach party” theme?

Your Stalwart General, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related … From: Brian To: Arin, Barry, Ross, Suzy

I certainly have some broken glass, a military-grade laser pointer, and incidental knowledge of how to produce smoke by starting some fires. We can start there.

Resourcefully yours, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Relat… From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Suzy, how big is this cake gonna be? I have an idea >:)

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Re… From: Suzy To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Ross (see details)

Um, normal cake-sized? Why?

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work…

From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Do you have a pan big enough to fit a person in? I bet Dan would like it if someone popped out of the cake. Someone tall. And grumpy. With long hair. And a blond streak. Maybe scantily clad, wearing a bikini top perhaps? I really think it would fit the theme.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring W… From: Brian To: Arin, Barry, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Ross,

My friend… you put the stripper inside after you bake the cake.

Best, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Mind blown From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Ohhhhh.

xxxx Ross

Subject: CUT THE CRAP YOU GUYS From: Arin To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

We are NOT hiring a STRIPPER to pop out of Dan’s cake!!!!!!!!!!!!

Graghgrlsdflkjgf! Arin

Subject: Arin do you have a G-String From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Yeesh. Obviously not. Why would we hire someone when you’ll do it for free, Arin?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Babe… From: Barry (nondairykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@gmail.com)

Maybe you should let up on Arin a little bit?

Also, I miss you. Come over to my office?

- B

Subject: Re: Babe… From: Ross To: Barry

What? I’m just helping him on his ~journey of ~self-discovery.

On my way!

xoxo Ross

Subject: Cake? From: Suzy (xXgoth_kittyXx@aol.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Hey! Would you really pop out of Dan’s cake? That would be soooo cute! :3

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Cake? From: Arin To: Suzy

No, I would not. Ross is just being a prick.

Modestly yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Cake? From: Suzy To: Arin

Oh… okay. Are you sure? I really think Dan would get a kick out of it…

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cake?

From: Arin To: Suzy

Geez. Not you too, Suze. I don’t really appreciate all the jokes, okay? I’m just trying to do something nice for a friend here.

Sigh, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cake? From: Suzy To: Arin

I wasn’t joking? :(

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

In the immortal words of everyone, ever,

God dammit Ross.

Can you just get off my back please? All I wanna do is throw Dan a goddamn birthday party. Please. This is difficult enough as it is.

Either help me out or don’t, Arin

Subject: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Ross To: Arin

Hey, it’s Barry. Ross is… busy.

He says he’s sorry. Well, actually, what he said was “hmmwaahlfrrrgl,” but I’m pretty sure that means “I’m sorry”. It’s kinda hard to tell with his mouth full.

For what it’s worth, I think you’re taking this a little seriously. Dude, it’s a party! It’s supposed to be fun!

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Arin To: Ross

Wait, his mouth is…?

??? Oh my God. I’m just… gonna ignore that for now. You pervs.

I just want everything to be nice for Dan, is that so bad?

Virtuously yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Ross To: Arin

Dude, Dan will love anything you do for him. Don’t stress so much.

- B

PS It’s all good, Bossman. We got you covered.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Birthday Jamz From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Ninja Sex Party (ninjasexparty@gmail.com)

Yooo Brian!

Do you have all the music set for Dan’s party? I have a couple requests I was thinking might be fun. Nothing that’ll make Arin freak out, I swear.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Birthday Jamz From: Ninja Sex Party To: Ross

arin’s throwing me a party? :D :D :D :D

wait, was it supposed to be a surprise???

- dan

Subject: YOU KICKING MY ASS From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

FUCK!!! IT IS NOT ALL GOOD BOSSMAN

I DO NOT HAVE YOU COVERED

I AM SO SO SO SORRY PLEASE DON’T KILL ME

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: YOU KICKING MY ASS From: Arin To: Ross

What did you do?!?!?!?!?!

*** *** ***

Arin stood overlooking the city on the small back balcony of Dan and Barry’s apartment. The sun trailed pink and orange streaks, dipping low behind the skyline. An oversized hibiscus blossom tucked behind one ear swayed in the wind as Arin sipped his drink as morosely as one could sip virgin piña colada mix from a plastic tiki head. Heedless to his absence, the party thumped on inside.

The door behind him slid softly open. Dan joined him on the railing. His nose was striped with a thick block of white sunblock, and a chunky disposable camera hung around his neck and chest, bare from his unbuttoned, clashy Hawaiian shirt. He balanced a fork and a grayish palette of cake and mushed icing in one hand as he shut the door behind him.

“What are you doing out here all by yourself?” he asked, playful.

“Just getting a breather,” Arin said, hurriedly forcing energy into a cheerful smile.

Pausing, Dan smiled thinly. Arin’s skin prickled at the calculatory scan the older man gave him. “It’s a great party, dude,” Dan said, after a moment. “You should be proud.”

“I guess so,” Arin said, shrugging. A breath, and then - “You’re not just saying that?”

Dan nodded vigorously, curls bobbing up and down. “Of course not. What’s not to like?”

“I don’t know. I had to convince Brian not to start a fire in your living room, for one,” Arin sighed.

“Sounds like a normal Saturday, then,” Dan said. He shoveled a glob of icing into his mouth. “Suzy did a great job with the cake,” he chewed, orchestrating the point with jabs of his fork.

“You’ve got,” Arin said, automatically, “frosting,” and reached out to swipe the corner of Dan’s mouth with his thumb. Dan blushed, freezing Arin before he realized himself and what he’d just done. Recovering, he said “You, uh, don’t think the tombstone thing is a little… morbid? For a birthday party?”

The older man cocked an eyebrow. “I thought it was supposed to be a big blobby shark.”

Arin actually chuckled at that, softly, but sincerely. Dan grinned loosely and was about to continue when a rolling tide of muffled cheers erupted from inside. Arin’s eyes widened, manic, for a second, but Dan only laughed and shook his head. “I really loved the piñata, too,” he said. “Ross is such a fucker.”

“Tell me about it,” Arin said, immediately glowering. “I told him like, a HUNDRED times not to get the giant dick.”

“Who cares, man? Candy delivery system’s a candy delivery system,” Dan retorted. Arin smiled, small. Dan’s grin faded. “Hey, come on,” he said quietly. “What’s wrong?”

Arin opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again, lowering his gaze. “What is it?” Dan repeated, to no answer. Taking a bit of cake on his fork, his expression settled into grim determination as he slowly pressed forward, gently dotting Arin’s nose with frosting once, twice, three times before the younger man lost his battle and his face untwisted into a smile. Arin glared at Dan reproachfully for just a second, before allowing himself to be fed a bit of cake.

Satisfied, Dan set the empty plate down and looked to his friend again. “Arin,” he said, gingerly.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t a surprise,” Arin said, finally. “I just wish I could’ve made it better. Or gotten you something better, I don’t know.”

Dan looked thoughtful for a long moment. “Well,” he said, “surprise me now.”

Arin frowned. “Right,” he stuttered, “right now?”

“Mhm,” said Dan, decisively. He covered his eyes with his hands.

“I don’t-” Arin began, stopping short. He swallowed hard, his heart pounding harder and harder in his chest. If he was wrong about what Dan wanted…

Slowly, Arin stepped forward and closed the gap between them. He barely breathed, hoping the quiet rush of traffic and dampened music and chatter from inside would cover him. As his skin buzzed, Arin brushed one hand into the collar of Dan’s shirt to steady himself - and insistently pressed their lips together.

Dan tasted like pineapples and sugar, and something softly musical bubbled up from his throat as he returned the kiss. Eyes closed and heavy-lidded, Arin felt Dan’s fingertips brush past flower petals to sweep his hair behind his ear, then gently cup his face. He threaded his fist more firmly into the fabric and let the kiss deepen further, pulling Dan closer. He felt just the barest coaxing of Dan’s tongue on his lips before another ripple of laughter and chatter from inside startled them both back into reality.

Jumping, Arin tried to pull back, but Dan held him solidly in place, turning slowly from the door back to the younger man as he deemed the coast clear. Still cupping Arin’s face, he rubbed Arin’s nose with his own, affectionately, before allowing Arin a delicate half-step back.

“You’ve got,” Dan said, sheepishly, “here,” and rubbed a bit of sunblock off Arin’s nose with his thumb. Arin made a small, content noise, low in his chest.

“Dan?”

“Yes?”

“Happy birthday.”

[shackalacklargebottom]

Bringing this blog out of retirement to bust my writer’s nut block with an entry for @omgsuchegobang / @awkwardarin ‘s “Fluff Me To Death” writing challenge. Enjoy!

Subject: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin Hanson (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Alright gang,

Contrary to the clever and misleading subject line, this is NOT just Grump business. That was a ruse to keep Dan off our backs. Pretty smart, right?

We’re a week out, so I wanted to touch base with everyone about Dan’s birthday party. How’s everything coming together?

Your Lord and Commander, Arin

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Suzy (xXgoth_kittyXx@aol.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Cake = covered! ...mostly. Dan’s not allergic to peanut butter, right? Are peanuts kosher?

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Barry (nonbarrykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Hey boss!

I’m taking Dan out Friday afternoon so you guys can come by and decorate the apartment. We’ll probably go see a movie or something. How much time do you think you’ll need?

- B

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Barry

...The party’s on Saturday, B.

Grumpily Yours, Arin

Subject: Shit. From: Barry To: Arin

Shit. I, uh, kinda had plans on Saturday…

- B

Subject: Are you shitting me From: Arin To: Barry

Seriously, Barr?

Definitely Grumpily Yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Are you shitting me From: Barry To: Arin

I kid, I kid. Saturday it is.

- B

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Brian (wechtb@qmul.ac.uk) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Arin,

Thank you for the helpful reminder email. I’ve been working on a playlist I think Danny will really enjoy, so consider music/DJ services officially covered.

By the way, make sure to reply ONLY to my work email - Danny has access to the Ninja Sex Party account. Wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise by mistake.

Best, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Brian

Great. Great. Sounds awesome…. by “playlist”, you definitely *don’t* mean “every Rush album in order played back-to-back”, right? Just checking.

Final boss, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump B… From: Brian To: Arin

Arin,

I didn’t say I was finished working on it. I’ll have something, ah… varied, for Saturday.

Adverbially yours, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Dan’s having a birthday party?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump Business From: Arin To: Ross

Rosssssssss.

Not amused, Arin

Subject: Fwd: Shit. From: Barry (nonbarrykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

Baaaaabe,

So I kinda maybe forgot Dan’s birthday party was this weekend. Can we switch our plans to Friday night instead? I promised Arin I’d distract Dan while everyone sets up.

- B

Subject: Re: Fwd: Shit. From: Ross To: Barry

Fine… but only ‘cause you’re so cute, y’know?

One condition: you wear that leather thing from the other night.

xoxo Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Definitely Just Grump B… From: Ross To: Arin

Relax, dude, I’m totally joking. I definitely didn’t have any plans for Saturday.

I’m gonna pick up the decorations after work tomorrow night. The bachelorette party section at Party City should have dick-shaped pinatas, right? Dan’ll LOVE one of those!

xxxx Ross

Subject: I’m gonna make YOUR dick a pinata From: Arin To: Ross

What do you mean, you didn’t have plans for Saturday? Did you and Barry *both* forget about the party?!!? What, were you guys gonna hang out together or something?

Jesus. No. We’re not celebrating Dan’s birthday by beating a giant penis with a stick. I thought we agreed on a beach/island theme?

Get your shit together, Arin

Subject: If my dick were a pinata would I jizz candy? From: Ross To: Arin

No, Barry and I did not forget. How could I forget about Dan’s birthday? I already said I DIDN’T have plans. I didn’t even know Barry had plans. I bet if Barry did have plans, our plans wouldn’t have coincided. At all. And they wouldn’t have involved leather. Who’s Barry, anyway? He sounds like a fun guy.

Fine. Beachy island whatever it is. You just want an excuse to wear a bikini top in front of ~❤Daniel❤~

Wait… Brilliant idea… dicks on the beach! Best surprise birthday party theme ever!! I’m a genius.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Ross To: Barry

Fuuuck. I think Arin might be onto us….

xoxo Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Barry To: Ross

Uh, okay? What do I do if he asks me about it??

- B

Subject: Fess up From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry (nondairykreamer@yahoo.com)

Barry,

Buddy. It’s okay. You can tell me the truth.

Unforgettably yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Arin

Fine. Fine. Okay. You got us. Ross and I have been… intimate, for the last couple of months.

We just didn’t want to freak everyone out or mess with the office dynamic or anything!! Especially since we weren’t even sure if it was gonna work out!!! But it’s been going really well and we were gonna tell everyone soon I’M SORRY

Do us a favor and don’t tell Dan, okay? I wanna tell him on my own. Like a roomie thing.

Actually, don’t tell Brian either. He’d want to watch.

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fwd: Shit From: Ross To: Barry

I think I managed to cover for us pretty smoothly, if I do say so myself, so just be cool and don’t say anything if he asks.

xoxo Ross

Subject: FUCK From: Barry To: Ross

FUCK I LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG

(OUT OF THE CLOSET, WHATEVER)

I’M SORRY

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Barry CC: Ross (hotrossbuns@gmail.com)

Wait, what? You’re gay? Or bi or pan or??

?????, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Arin, Ross (see details)

Uhhhhh, yep, as it turns out… wait, what were YOU talking about?

- B???

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Barry, Ross (see details)

I just meant you can tell me you forgot about Dan’s birthday!!! Holy shit. Well, congrats dude. Although why you’d wanna be stuck with Ross is beyond me.

Speaking of, can you please make sure he doesn’t buy anything inappropriate for the party? I had to remind him a pinata shaped like a schween probably isn’t going to fit the theme.

Royally yours, Princess Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Barry To: Ross, Arin (see details)

YOU’RE GETTING US A PEEÑATA?! Dan’s gonna love it!!

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fess up From: Arin To: Ross, Barry (see details)

NO, he is NOT.

No dicks allowed, Arin

Subject: Suck my candy-flavored cock Hanson From: Ross To: Arin, Barry (see details)

YES, he IS. Why, does the thought of Dan seeing another dick make you ~jealous?

xxxx Ross

PS Barry! “Peeñata”! You’re hilarious, babe.

Subject: Fuck off Ross From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

............../´¯/) ............,/¯../ .........../..../ ...../´¯/'...'/´¯¯`·¸ ../'/.../..../......./¨¯\ ('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...') .\.................'...../ ..''...\.......... _.·´ ....\..............( ......\.............\

Definitely not jealous of a paper-mâchè cock, Arin

Subject: Boring Work-Related Email From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Okay everybody. Doubling down because there seems to be some… confusion about this party situation.

Suzy, the cake sounds great. Dan’s probably not religiously opposed *or* allergic to peanuts, since yesterday I watched him inhale a family-sized bag of mini Reese’s cups in under twenty minutes, and he survived to make it to the Grump session this morning.

Brian, lots of Rush is cool, but maybe we could try adding some songs people can dance to?

Barry, we’ll probably need about two hours to decorate. Taking Dan to a movie is perfect.

Ross… just remember what I said about dicks.

Stay sparkly, Arin

Subject: Jog my memory From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

But Arin, you say so MUCH about dicks. How can I possibly remember one specific instance?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Boring Work-Related Email From: Brian (wechtb@qmul.ac.uk) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy

Hello again, all,

The only thing left to do is get creative with the tech setup. I’m thinking disco ball, laser light show, maybe a smoke machine? Something really tasteful and understated. Let me know your thoughts.

Murderous regards, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related Email From: Suzy (xX_gothkitty_Xx@aol.com) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Ross (see details)

Getting ExCiTeD! About this party! Here’s a mock-up of the cake decorations.

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Attached: cakedeco.jpg

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related Em... From: Arin To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy

Brian, do you have a disco ball? Or lasers or a smoke machine?

And Suzy, that looks incredible! …I’m just not sure how a creepy tombstone cake fits in with our “beach party” theme?

Your Stalwart General, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Related … From: Brian To: Arin, Barry, Ross, Suzy

I certainly have some broken glass, a military-grade laser pointer, and incidental knowledge of how to produce smoke by starting some fires. We can start there.

Resourcefully yours, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Relat… From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Suzy, how big is this cake gonna be? I have an idea >:)

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work-Re… From: Suzy To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Ross (see details)

Um, normal cake-sized? Why?

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring Work... From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Do you have a pan big enough to fit a person in? I bet Dan would like it if someone popped out of the cake. Someone tall. And grumpy. With long hair. And a blond streak. Maybe scantily clad, wearing a bikini top perhaps? I really think it would fit the theme.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Boring W... From: Brian To: Arin, Barry, Ross, Suzy (see details)

Ross,

My friend… you put the stripper inside after you bake the cake.

Best, Dr. Brian Wecht, Ph.D Centre for Research on String Theory

Subject: Mind blown From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Ohhhhh.

xxxx Ross

Subject: CUT THE CRAP YOU GUYS From: Arin To: Barry, Brian, Ross, Suzy (see details)

We are NOT hiring a STRIPPER to pop out of Dan’s cake!!!!!!!!!!!!

Graghgrlsdflkjgf! Arin

Subject: Do you have a G-String From: Ross To: Arin, Barry, Brian, Suzy (see details)

Yeesh. Obviously not. Why would we hire someone when you’ll do it for free, Arin?

xxxx Ross

Subject: Babe… From: Barry (nondairykreamer@yahoo.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@gmail.com)

Maybe you should let up on Arin a little bit?

Also, I miss you. Come over to my office?

- B

Subject: Re: Babe… From: Ross To: Barry

What? I’m just helping him on his ~journey of ~self-discovery.

On my way!

xoxo Ross

Subject: Cake? From: Suzy (xXgoth_kittyXx@aol.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

Hey! Would you really pop out of Dan’s cake? That would be soooo cute! :3

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Cake? From: Arin To: Suzy

No, I would not. Ross is just being a prick.

Modestly yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Cake? From: Suzy To: Arin

Oh… okay. Are you sure? I really think Dan would get a kick out of it…

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cake? From: Arin To: Suzy

Geez. Not you too, Suze. I don’t really appreciate all the jokes, okay? I’m just trying to do something nice for a friend here.

Sigh, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cake? From: Suzy To: Arin

I wasn’t joking? :(

- sUzY /ᐠ｡ꞈ｡ᐟ\

Subject: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com) To: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com)

God dammit Ross.

Can you just get off my back please? All I wanna do is throw Dan a goddamn birthday party. Please. This is difficult enough as it is.

Either help me out or don’t, Arin

Subject: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Ross To: Arin

Hey, it’s Barry. Ross is… busy.

He says he’s sorry. Well, actually, what he said was “hmmwaahlfrrrgl,” but I’m pretty sure that means “I’m sorry”. It’s kinda hard to tell with his mouth full.

For what it’s worth, I think you’re taking this a little seriously. Dude, it’s a party! It’s supposed to be fun!

- B

Subject: Re: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Arin To: Ross

Wait, his mouth is…?

??? Oh my God. I’m just… gonna ignore that for now. You pervs.

I just want everything to be nice for Dan, is that so bad?

Virtuously yours, Arin

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Me Kicking Your Ass From: Ross To: Arin

Dude, Dan will love anything you do for him. Don’t stress so much.

- B

PS It’s all good, Bossman. We got you covered.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Birthday Jamz From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Ninja Sex Party (ninjasexparty@gmail.com)

Yooo Brian!

Do you have all the music set for Dan’s party? I have a couple requests I was thinking might be fun. Nothing that’ll make Arin freak out, I swear.

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: Birthday Jamz From: Ninja Sex Party To: Ross

arin’s throwing me a party? :D :D :D :D

wait, was it supposed to be a surprise???

- dan

Subject: YOU KICKING MY ASS From: Ross (hotrossbuns@hotmail.com) To: Arin (grumpy.princess@gmail.com)

FUCK!!! IT IS NOT ALL GOOD BOSSMAN

I DO NOT HAVE YOU COVERED

I AM SO SO SO SORRY PLEASE DON’T KILL ME

xxxx Ross

Subject: Re: YOU KICKING MY ASS From: Arin To: Ross

What did you do?!?!?!?!?!

Arin stood overlooking the city on the small back balcony of Dan and Barry’s apartment. The sun trailed pink and orange streaks, dipping low behind the skyline. An oversized hibiscus blossom tucked behind one ear swayed in the wind as Arin sipped his drink as morosely as one could sip virgin piña colada mix from a plastic tiki head. Heedless to his absence, the party thumped on inside.

The door behind him slid softly open. Dan joined him on the railing. His nose was striped with a thick block of white sunblock, and a chunky disposable camera hung around his neck and chest, bare from his unbuttoned, clashy Hawaiian shirt. He balanced a fork and a grayish palette of cake and mushed icing in one hand as he shut the door behind him.

“What are you doing out here all by yourself?” he asked, playful.

“Just getting a breather,” Arin said, hurriedly forcing energy into a cheerful smile.

Pausing, Dan smiled thinly. Arin’s skin prickled at the calculatory scan the older man gave him. “It’s a great party, dude,” Dan said, after a moment. “You should be proud.”

“I guess so,” Arin said, shrugging. A breath, and then - “You’re not just saying that?”

Dan nodded vigorously, curls bobbing up and down. “Of course not. What’s not to like?”

“I don’t know. I had to convince Brian not to start a fire in your living room, for one,” Arin sighed.

“Sounds like a normal Saturday, then,” Dan said. He shoveled a glob of icing into his mouth. “Suzy did a great job with the cake,” he chewed, orchestrating the point with jabs of his fork.

“You’ve got,” Arin said, automatically, “frosting,” and reached out to swipe the corner of Dan’s mouth with his thumb. Dan blushed, freezing Arin before he realized himself and what he’d just done. Recovering, he said “You, uh, don’t think the tombstone thing is a little… morbid? For a birthday party?”

The older man cocked an eyebrow. “I thought it was supposed to be a big blobby shark.”

Arin actually chuckled at that, softly, but sincerely. Dan grinned loosely and was about to continue when a rolling tide of muffled cheers erupted from inside. Arin’s eyes widened, manic, for a second, but Dan only laughed and shook his head. “I really loved the piñata, too,” he said. “Ross is such a fucker.”

“Tell me about it,” Arin said, immediately glowering. “I told him like, a HUNDRED times not to get the giant dick.”

“Who cares, man? Candy delivery system’s a candy delivery system,” Dan retorted. Arin smiled, small. Dan’s grin faded. “Hey, come on,” he said quietly. “What’s wrong?”

Arin opened his mouth to reply, then closed it again, lowering his gaze. “What is it?” Dan repeated, to no answer. Taking a bit of cake on his fork, his expression settled into grim determination as he slowly pressed forward, gently dotting Arin’s nose with frosting once, twice, three times before the younger man lost his battle and his face untwisted into a smile. Arin glared at Dan reproachfully for just a second, before allowing himself to be fed a bit of cake.

Satisfied, Dan set the empty plate down and looked to his friend again. “Arin,” he said, gingerly.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t a surprise,” Arin said, finally. “I just wish I could’ve made it better. Or gotten you something better, I don’t know.”

Dan looked thoughtful for a long moment. “Well,” he said, “surprise me now.”

Arin frowned. “Right,” he stuttered, “right now?”

“Mhm,” said Dan, decisively. He covered his eyes with his hands.

“I don’t-” Arin began, stopping short. He swallowed hard, his heart pounding harder and harder in his chest. If he was wrong about what Dan wanted…

Slowly, Arin stepped forward and closed the gap between them. He barely breathed, hoping the quiet rush of traffic and dampened music and chatter from inside would cover him. As his skin buzzed, Arin brushed one hand into the collar of Dan’s shirt to steady himself - and insistently pressed their lips together.

Dan tasted like pineapples and sugar, and something softly musical bubbled up from his throat as he returned the kiss. Eyes closed and heavy-lidded, Arin felt Dan’s fingertips brush past flower petals to sweep his hair behind his ear, then gently cup his face. He threaded his fist more firmly into the fabric and let the kiss deepen further, pulling Dan closer. He felt just the barest coaxing of Dan’s tongue on his lips before another ripple of laughter and chatter from inside startled them both back into reality.

Jumping, Arin tried to pull back, but Dan held him solidly in place, turning slowly from the door back to the younger man as he deemed the coast clear. Still cupping Arin’s face, he rubbed Arin’s nose with his own, affectionately, before allowing Arin a delicate half-step back.

“You’ve got,” Dan said, sheepishly, “here,” and rubbed a bit of sunblock off Arin’s nose with his thumb. Arin made a small, content noise, low in his chest.

“Dan?”

“Yes?”

“Happy birthday.”