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#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine
moonlit-orchid · 1 month
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Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post
Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight
#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine#and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out”#so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao#am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now#I'm just questioning something about someone#sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot#even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay.#because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before.#but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in#i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong-#-again and if i need to hear another drama again#it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much#maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it?#i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess?#i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now#i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now)#i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something#i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore#okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight#mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red#alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages#(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)
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dilucsfav · 1 year
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good morning/afternoon/evening/night! i wanted to ask you if you’re feeling better? esp. since the anorexia post you made a couple months ago. i was wondering if you will ever take part in a fan zine? just a little thought i had
good evening beautiful!
thank you for asking <3 im doing okay, my ed has really been whipping my ass but i’m starting my first (mental) treatment in a couple of weeks (there’s a whole ass waiting list for shitty treatment like wtf im kinda scared LMAOOO)
i find comfort n happiness in writing, so tumblr is kinda like my happy place HAHAHSHh just a mess of my writing😭 it’s kinda like venting through writing, you feel me?
as for taking part in a fan zine,,, IM GONNA BE ABSOLUTELY HONEST IM NOT REALLY SURE WHAT THAT MEANS??? LIKE A SHORT STORY OR SOMETHING?? god i hope that’s what you mean please help im so sorry for not understanding💔💔 im so slow </3 (please send me a personal message if i’m totally wrong & you need to correct me LMFAO IM SO SO SORRY IM SUCH A DUMBASS)
but ive actually been considering writing a multi-chapter fanfic for a while? i know where i’d wanna take the story, but i’m clueless on who i’d wanna write about HAHSH maybe diluc?? i’m thinking diluc… but ofc that’s cuz i love him so ofc i’d say that sobs
^^IF YOU ALL HAVE ANY CHARACTER RECOMMENDATIONS, PLS LET ME KNOW LMFAO
thank you for your message though <3 i hope you are also well n healthy. yes i write n make fun of characters for small dicks n shit, but i’d also be happy to listen to you if you need to vent or talk about anything that’s on your mind (that goes for anybody reading this, too!)
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!!!!!
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odd-kid-42 · 2 years
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How to Create Content in Fandom
Not trying to be mean, but I think younger people don’t understand how content creating in fandom works. You are supposed to form your own opinions and create things for yourself. That’s how you find people who enjoy the things you do.
-If you are making things solely to be praised, you turn what is supposed to be fun into work. Don’t do that. You won’t be happy and will only feel resentment when others are praised. You have to love yourself by making what you love first.
-If you are entering fandom to make for love of the media and/or making, make! Literally, make whatever you want. Be obscure. Be weird. Be a strong emotion. You make the space so much more interesting when you don’t conform! (I’m not talking about going off canon though do that if you want! I’m talking about being cringey or having strong opinions or making it entirely for yourself. Make crack fics. Make vent fics. Make it so canon compliant you are pulling dialogue only from the media itself. Make nonsense. Just make for the sheer joy of it!)
If you want to make but don’t know where to start, here’s advice.
Just in general, stop asking permission to make. Twice now I’ve come across as the ice hole for telling teenagers to read past content for ideas, and that’s not a radical piece of advice. Read. Consume. That’s how you make.
-You are new to the fandom (Suggested is to talk/interact with others through a Discord or comments as you do this if you just want to talk): Read the fanfic others have written— start with highest kudos or oldest and go down. Read rare pairs. Read crack fics. Learn old jokes. View older art. View old fandom fighting. View a hate blog about the media to see criticism and decide how you feel about it. (Think about the blorbos! Rotate them in your head like a hotdog over a fire! Nobody can stop your fun! You are doing this to have fun, remember?)
All of this needs to start internally focused because?? You are in this fandom, consuming free content for a reason. Consume it.
If you want to make without consuming, it is considered rude to ask others to contribute to what you are making without effort on your part. Ie, why make a playlist when you don’t listen to different types of music and only have five songs? Why make a fic master list or ask for headcanons when you don’t read many fics? You shouldn’t be afraid to form your own opinions and interpretation of characters first, whether that’s music or fics or anything other form of making.
-If you want to contribute to fandom but are new to the making part, pick something that appeals to you: Cosplay. Write fanfic. Make a character ask blog. Make a plush. Cumulate a playlist. Make figurines. Write dialogue prompts. Make AMVs. Role play on TikTok. Cumulate others’ role play videos. Make a zine. Make a fic master list as you read fanfics.
When you are starting out, you are going to suck at the making. This is why you need to enjoy yourself first and having friends who cheer at your making. You are starting out. Imagine yourself at level one. The love of making is going to shine through though and you will find your people in fandom to support you as you develop your making skills. This literally cannot be helped. There is a reason why people don’t like their old art and fanfics. It’s a part of the process, but if you are having fun, who genuinely gives a shit? Not you!
-You have to making but don’t know what to do: Find a prompt list. Use dialogue starters. Read what someone did/drew and remake it, with respect to the original. Talk to people and make gifts (if you are friends first. Don’t be obtrusive or creepy. Ask if you’re not sure.) Consume content, jiggle your brain, and see what comes out.
Just, in general, have fun yourself first. Everyone else is secondary when you make, and people who don’t make will support you. If you don’t make yourself, support those who do! Leave compliments about what you like. Give a kudo or like to the person.
Okay, that’s all I got. Add on to this if someone has artist-specific or medium specific advice for people starting out in fandom because I just know the writing fanfic and media analysis parts.
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chibi-mushroom · 3 years
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Hey everyone! Finally get to post my piece for the memory of promises zine! check out the link here if you want to grab one of your own copies in the leftover sale! I was so happy to be able to join in on this zine, and I hope you guys enjoy all the work that went into it! (Also keep in mind this was written before MoM.)
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Namine rubbed her temples and looked at the clock. Midnight already. DiZ was not going to like this. The next time he came into the white room would bring on some lecture or punishment of some kind. She had been working furiously all afternoon trying to get past this one section of memory, but there was something that was keeping her back. Her pulse began to race. She was feeling sick. The door to the white room opened and with a squeak, Namine ducked under the table, fearing the familiar stride of the man in red.
"It's okay, it's just me. You can come out now." A soft voice sounded in her ears. "You're safe. DiZ said he needed to run an errand and wouldn't be back for a couple of days."
Slowly looking up, Namine could see the outstretched hand of the only comfort she had in this lonely place. "Riku. You're back."
She took his offering and stood up. He hadn't let go of her hand just yet, blindfold still covering those beautiful blue green eyes he had. She was glad it stopped him from seeing things like her girlish blush. He was only offering his hand as a friend. Besides, it was wrong for her to want to be with him- nobodies weren't supposed to feel anything. So why did she?
"You're shaking." Riku stated simply. "Have you eaten anything today?"
So he could even feel the slight tremor in her hands. "No, not exactly."
"Do you want me to get something for you? I think there are some leftovers in the fridge."
"No, I'm alright. I have to get back to work." Namine tried to take her hand from his, but he held onto it all the tighter, leaning down a little to be at eye level with her. 
"You were working when I left, and I can tell you haven't gotten any sleep. How are you expecting to take care of Sora when you can't take care of yourself?"
Right. Namine thought. He's just like DiZ. All he cares about is getting Sora restored. You're just a tool.
Still, she couldn't help but notice the way her breath caught in her throat as his blinded eyes sunk to meet her tired ones. Maybe she should take a small break. All of this stress was making her read too much into small gestures.
Namine simply nodded, and Riku left to warm her up some food. Sensing that going back to Sora's memories would be futile, she grabbed her sketch pad and turned it to the very last page. This was her secret page, covered in things she thought about. Mindless doodles she drew when she was waiting for the computer to check on Sora’s physical well-being.
The sketch pad was not necessary for her magic to work. She could rearrange memories- crush the hearts of her poor unsuspecting victims- without it. She used it though to help her concentrate. By visualizing the memories, she was able to make a more convincing edit or capture the feelings that were hiding beneath the surface. So many times she had drawn Sora, Riku and Kairi together. And sure there were strong feelings of both love and jealousy, but had she not had her sketch pad, she might have missed Sora's emotions of gratitude for two stalwart best friends, confusion about school topics they had recently studied, and hope that Kairi would want to go with him to the first school dance, even though he knew they would just go together and bail early to hang out on the play island like they always did whenever the school had some social.
"Here you go. It's nothing special, but it's better than nothing." Riku interrupted her thoughts with a plate of food.
With a gasp, Namine hurried to cover her sketch pad. Even though she knew he couldn't see it, he moved so gracefully that she sometimes wondered if he really was blind. Although those first couple of days made the mansion quite a bit louder with his cries of annoyance as he bumped into furniture. He even fell into the secret compartment that hid the computer lab, but luckily managed to land safely.
"Drawing something you don't want anyone to see?" Riku smirked. 
"No!" Namine replied a bit sharper than she thought. "Maybe."
Riku laughed as he set their plates down and pulled a chair over. "I'm only kidding. You don't have to be working on Sora nonstop. If you want to take a moment for yourself, then do it."
"No, I need to be working on Sora. It was my fault he's like this in the first place. I want to keep my promise." Namine picked up the white plastic fork. For once would it hurt to have some color around here?
With a sigh, Riku held his hand out for her to hold. "We've been over this, Nam. What happened wasn't your fault. You were being used." Softly Riku muttered "you still are."
Namine looked at him for a moment and then looked down at her food. She picked at it for a few moments before softly sliding her hand in his and taking a couple of bites. She ate in a comfortable silence, simply feeling the pressure that came from the gentle touch. This sort of thing wasn't unusual for them. They could usually be found in silence with their hands connected. But the mountain of pressure from the recent block in memories and lack of self care was threatening to squish Namine with its enormous weight.
"How's the restoration going?" Riku asked.
Namine's stomach began to twist around itself. "I'm….not sure." 
Riku squeezed her hand, urging her to explain. Namine sighed, unsure of how to continue. Would he get mad if she told the truth? He had slowly been becoming more like DiZ, after all. He used to be there with her when she was getting told off. These days, Riku was never usually in the white room for more than five minutes unless it was late at night.
"You remember what Sora's mom used to tell him all the time, right?"  Riku recalled.
"Never talk to strangers on the play island?"
Riku chuckled, remembering a secret promise. "A problem shared is a problem halved. If you tell me, it might relieve some of the pressure on you."
There was no avoiding it, not as long as he held her hand. 
 "It's just that, well-" Namine fumbled for the words. "There's been a bit of a roadblock. I've been doing my best to sort it out, tracing the connections, but it's like the memories slip away as soon as I think I have a grasp on them. I may have gone through half a notebook trying to find a solid piece."
There was a pause, as if Riku were considering what to say. 
"I'll go get you a new notebook tomorrow, then. As for the memories, we'll get it figured out. You need to take a break, anyway."
"No!" Namine swallowed back further emotion. Maybe she really did need some sleep. She was being more irrational than she expected. "No, it's fine. I'm sure I'm doing something wrong."
"Don't say stuff like that. If there's anyone who can make this situation right, it's you. Please, just take a few hours to rest tomorrow, okay?" Riku squeezed her hand again.
"I don't really have a choice here, do I?" Namine sighed.
"You always have a choice. I'm just asking you as someone who cares a lot about you."
Someone who cares? Namine thought. She slowly nodded in reply. Maybe a break was exactly what she needed.
"Thank you, Riku."
One Year Later
Again Riku tried to beat Marluxia, and again he was defeated. He only had this last battle to finish, having started against the organization members he recognized or had personally fought against. Which, admittedly wasn't many, but after several attempts, he was down to the last. It frustrated him that he still wasn't quite used to the keyboard controls, and Sora's moves were much less based in strength and relied much more on magic. Riku had never been very good with magic, focusing on perfecting his cure and dark firaga spells instead of learning the large array of magic that his friends had mastered. 
Some keyblade master I turned out to be. Riku thought, sitting back in his seat and folding his arms. I can't even stop my two best friends from leaving me again. This is just like back then…
His mind began to drift away with thoughts of Castle Oblivion and Twilight Town. He heard the door open and gentle footsteps move toward him.
"Hey Aerith. We can work on that scarf in a minute. I have to get some more ethers for data Sora first."
"I take it the fight didn't go well then?" A soft voice walked closer.
He closed his eyes and shook his head. Not Aerith. 
"Hey Namine. How could you tell?"
Namine placed a hand on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. "You're really tense. Besides, I could feel your frustration from a block away."
What anger and annoyance had once plagued Riku's mind had since washed away. All he could register was how reassuring Namine's hand on his shoulder felt. She smelled nice, too. A faint blush warmed his cheeks. Ever since Kairi had insisted on going to sleep and Terra had left for the dark realm with Aqua and Ven, Namine was the only person Riku shared everything with. She had heard him vent several times, and she had been helping Aerith teach him how to knit. It was her delicate fingers that had lead him through the steps of a cable.
"I guess I need a little bit of a break." Riku said with a sigh. "Wanna go get some ice cream or something?"
"Sure." Namine smiled, stepping back so he could get up and stretch. They began to talk as they walked to their usual ice cream shop. 
Since Scrooge, Huey and Dewey had returned home, the ice cream shop had been manned by one of the local citizens. He usually gave Riku a discount, so Riku usually put some munny in the tip jar. It had become routine over the past year to go whenever Namine came to visit from Twilight Town.
"How is everything going with Roxas and Xion?" Riku asked, sitting down and unwrapping his fruit bar.
"Slow." Namine replied, taking a small lick from her chocolate cherry ice cream cone. She wanted to try all of the flavors, and this was the last one. "Not too bad, but I think I preferred the strawberry cheesecake the best."
"That was a flavor Kairi always liked." Riku smiled softly. 
When he saw the way Namine looked for just the hair of a second, he realized that was probably the wrong thing to say. He inwardly cursed himself and his inability to be the suave guy all the girls had thought he was growing up. Kairi and Namine didn't get much of a chance to talk after she got her replica body, as Kairi had almost immediately asked to be put under. Riku wondered what it was like living inside a heart of pure light. Just like Castle Oblivion, she didn't talk about it much.
"We should get some for her when she wakes up." Namine continued to eat her cone. There was an uncomfortable silence for just a moment before Namine spoke up again. "Who were you fighting when I came in?"
"Marluxia. He was the head of the castle, right?"
Namine nodded.
"I never really got to meet him as I was down in the basement back then. I'm sorry you had to deal with a guy like him."
"It's alright. I...had some support. There was Sora and Donald and Goofy. And despite everything I did to him, there was your replica, too." Namine spoke slowly, choosing her words with care. "But don't feel bad. He made his decisions, like everyone else."
This time, it was Riku's turn to nod in agreement, taking a bite from his treat.
"After the data battles are all said and done, what happens next?" Namine asked softly.
"I...don't know. All I know is that I've been having these weird dreams lately."
"I wondered. You look tired." Namine grabbed on to Riku's hand, intertwining their fingers.
Maybe it was a reflex, maybe it was a force of habit, like how they used to sit back in the old mansion. Either way, the touch on its own was enough to pull Riku away from the dark thoughts that usually sat at the horizon of his mind. He squeezed her hand in response.
"Don't hesitate to call me if you ever need someone to talk to. I miss our little midnight chats." Namine admitted.
"I do too." Riku smiled softly. "They really helped clear my mind back then."
"A problem shared is a problem halved, remember?" Namine was glad she could actually see his eyes as she recalled back to his words that helped her through her time at the old mansion. "Care to share anything?"
Riku paused. He sighed before starting to speak. After he told her of the recurring dream he'd been having with the buildings and the feeling of being watched, he also admitted to the weight that had been pinned on his shoulders. 
"I know it might sound silly, but I can't help but wonder if these dreams are connected to Sora somehow. I just wish I could understand it more." Riku finished his bar and set the popsicle stick on the bench beside him.
Namine had just finished her ice cream as well, wiping her face with the napkin. "Maybe it's time you take another journey."
"With the data battle still to fight and Kairi still asleep? I can't leave now."
"Maybe not now, but after the last battle is won." Namine gently pulled his hand close to her and began massaging it. "But that means I can't follow you. Will you be alright on your own? Maybe you can check Kairi's dreams."
"I...don't know. I haven't used my dream eater powers in a long time and the process is still kind of fuzzy for me." He could feel his muscles relax as she worked at his weary hand.
Doubt was rising in his chest. Maybe she was right. Who was he kidding? He wasn't ready for this kind of thing. He wasn't like Sora or Kairi who could follow their hearts at a moment's notice. He couldn't always feel the way it was trying to lead him.
But as he saw Namine patiently working on his hands, the stiff muscles being brought to relax against her fingers, a light shone through the storm of his doubt. How he hadn't realized it before was a mystery. Ever since they had met, she had been the light in the dark, just as he had provided shade for her in the brightest situations. As she finished the massage, she tenderly squeezed his hands, reassuring him that she was there and willing to help. Surely that was love.
He felt love for her, no question. But with Sora and Kairi gone and asleep, there never seemed to be a good moment to tell her what his heart really wanted to say. 
"We...we should be getting back." Namine sighed. "Are you sure you're alright?"
"No, but then, I'm not really all that sure of anything anymore."
"If there's anything I know, it's that things will get better. We'll find Sora. I don't know how or when, but we will." Namine took his hand again, standing before him.
Namine took a quick breath and then leaned over, placing a quick kiss atop his head. Ordinarily, she wouldn't be able to reach, but since he was sitting down, she could offer a small token of her affection and confidence in his abilities.
She and Riku's faces filled with blush, although a smile tugged at her lips. Namine didn't have enough courage to kiss him on the lips like she had wanted to for so long, but this was safe. He couldn't spurn her for a harmless kiss to the head. After all, what was some reassurance between friends?
"Thank you, Namine." Riku had a hard time looking at this angel of a woman without his heartbeat increasing.
To think she was willing to be by his side after all this. He decided there and then that he would listen to his heart and tell her of his feelings...after they set everything right. Once Sora and Kairi were home and together, then they could sort out their own relationship. It would give him yet another reason to bring his best friend home. 
He could still feel the kiss on his forehead, and it brought a genuine smile to his face. He stood up and began walking away from Merlin's house.
"Don't feel like you have to stop working on the data battles on my account. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright." Namine stopped for a second.
"We can get back to those soon enough. I need a little longer before I get back into it." He took his trash and threw it into a nearby can. "There are some fountains that are really pretty this time of day nearby if you want to check them out with me."
A smile formed on Namine's lips. "I'd love to, Riku."
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