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eurynome827 · 6 years ago

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Why Buy The Cow?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Your enthusiasm for your favorite comedian leads you on a journey with Bucky.

Word Count: 1,535

Warnings: DEATH BY FLUFF, lots and lots and lots of John Mulaney bits (one instance of bad language). The John Mulaney/Bucky Barnes crossover literally no one asked for, but you’re getting it anyway. This is for @omnomsauruswrites 1.1k writing challenge which posted today, and I laughed out loud when I saw the prompt and the whole story flashed through my head. I’m sorry I posted so damn early, I was possessed by this. I am putting my prompt in the story in bold.

Bucky stood in front of your treadmill and waved. You did your level best to pull out your earbuds and not fall down at the same time.

"What's up, Buck?"

"Do you realize you're laughing?"

You knitted your brow. "I'm sorry?"

"We're running a training session over here and you are interrupting."

"Oh." You stopped the run program and slowed down to a stop before explaining. "I'm really sorry, I didn't even realize I was laughing out loud. I'm listening to John Mulaney, do you know-"

Bucky waved you off. "Just keep it down." He turned back toward Steve and something in his face made him look back at you with one more word. "Please."

"Sure...sorry. SORRY STEVE!" You yelled over in his direction and he acknowledged you with a much friendlier wave. Suddenly feeling very awkward in front of the recruits in the session, you hopped down and headed toward the gym door. "Grump." Putting your earbuds back in, you missed Bucky's annoyed glare back in your direction as you started giggling again.

"I was once on the phone with Blockbuster Video, which is a very old-fashioned sentence. That's like when your Gram would be like 'we'd all go play jacks by the soda fountain!'"

"Was it REALLY that bad?"

Pepper laughed at your incredulous question. "Oh, honey, did you really not research who you were working for? It was ABSOLUTELY that bad. I had one week where I escorted out a different woman every morning."

"TONY!" You couldn't help laughing at his devil-may-care expression. "You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair!"

Sam reached toward you for a fistbump. "YES. Love Mulaney,"

Bucky huffed in the corner. "Two peas in a really annoying pod."

"Not my fault you don't have a sense of humor, Barnes!" You tossed him a wink and walked out.

You looked up from your book to see Bucky walking into the kitchen.

"Hey, Buck. Can't sleep?"

He seemed too tired to argue or snark at you. "Was sleeping. Didn't work out for me." He sat opposite you at the table and even managed a small smile. "What about you?"

You smiled back. "I keep telling myself 'one more chapter and then I'll go to bed' but that hasn't worked out for me yet. Want some ice cream?"

He nodded at you. You brought a pint of chocolate peanut butter and two spoons to the table. The two of you ate out of the cartoon in companionable silence until Bucky pointed at your shirt with his spoon.

"I have to ask. What's that mean?"

You looked down at your shirt and stifled a giggle. "Please don't get up and leave, because I'm actually having a nice time with you."

"Why would I leave?"

"It's a John Mulaney bit."

He actually bit his lip to keep from smiling, which you found adorable. "Okay. What does it mean?"

"It's 'What's New Pussycat' listed 21 times with one 'It's Not Unusual'. They're Tom Jones songs. It's from a bit, one of my favorites." You took a gamble. "Do you want to hear it?"

He hesitated. Who knew what was going on in that head of his (his way too handsome head that you spent way too much time thinking about considering how often you argued with him.....). Finally he answered.

"Sure."

Your face almost hurt from smiling so hard and you scrolled through your phone and pulled up The Salt and Pepper Diner. "Get ready to laugh harder than you ever have in your LIFE."

On another sleepless night, Bucky wandered into the media room and found you and Peter munching on popcorn and reciting dialogue back to John Mulaney on the huge screen.

"STREET SMARTS!" You and Peter screamed with glee.

"Let me guess," Bucky droned with a half grin.

"C'mon, Buck, watch with us!" You waved him over to sit next to you. "I promise we'll be quiet."

"We've watched this every night for a month! We know every word!" Peter was practically bouncing next to you.

"Pete, calm down. And no more yelling! Let Bucky listen." You turned to Bucky and offered your bowl. "Popcorn?"

He took a handful and couldn't help smiling back. Gosh, he was so handsome when he smiled at you.

"STREET SMARTS!" Peter screeching broke the spell and you looked away from Bucky's eyes (were they always that blue, good gracious) and hissed.

"PETER!"

"....sorry."

You answered the soft knock at your bedroom door and your heartbeat kicked up a couple of notches. "Hey, Buck! What's up?"

"Hey." He smiled at you and your breath caught in your throat. "Are you busy?"

"Not at all! I was maybe gonna watch something. Wanna watch with me?"

"Yes." He answered quickly and you bit your lip to hold in a nervous giggle.

You closed the door after he walked in and realized quickly that there was nowhere else to sit but on your bed. You tried your goofy best to make this less awkward and hopped up to lean against your headboard. "Make yourself comfortable!" You patted the bed next to you and he followed, albeit a little less bouncy. "Do you want to watch a movie or a tv show?" You already had Netflix started and ready and waited for his answer.

"Actually," he paused and looked down before meeting your eyes with his and you almost choked on your own spit at how PRETTY he was. "Are there any more of those shows with John Mulaney?"

"Well, well, well, Bucky Barnes. Did I make you a fan?" You teased before thinking and then immediately got nervous. What if he got offended?

There was no need to worry. "I guess you wore me down, doll."

You forced yourself to look away before your heart hammered straight out of your chest and started rambling like a lunatic. "Well great, good, yay me! Um, there's two more on Netflix. I'll put on....Comeback Kid. Yes. New In Town is amazing too, I promise, but I like Comeback Kid just a tiny bit better."

He just smiled at you while you started the show and took a deep breath. You relaxed as soon as Petunia appeared.

"All right, Petunia." John looked down at his French bulldog. "Wish me luck out there."

You were able to keep yourself from reciting along until the Petunia bit of the standup arrived and then all bets were off.

"She always gives me this look of like, “Oh, the things I have seen, you cocksucker. You have no idea. The Gestapo threw my printing press into a river. But, go, tell your fucking jokes." You giggled after the line and then turned to apologize to Bucky but his face was right there and you gasped. The expression on his face was unreadable. You didn't know what was going to happen.

Bucky's hand reached out to brush against your cheek. Your eyes drifted closed as he moved closer and then you felt his lips on yours. You kissed him back gently for a moment but then couldn't stop yourself from throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him as close to you as you possibly could.

Somewhere in the background John Mulaney kept talking about convincing Petunia that he was eating dinner at 4 in the afternoon all the way through meeting Bill Clinton when he was ten years old while you and Bucky kissed and kissed and kissed.

"Babe, did you get the pizza?" you shouted from the couch when you heard the front door slam.

"Of course." Bucky entered the living room, put the pizza box on the coffee table and leaned over to kiss you hello. "What are we watching?"

"You pick. Your choices are Kid Gorgeous, New In Town or Comeback Kid."

Bucky actually groaned out loud. "Honey, really?"

"YES. It's our anniversary. How else can we celebrate?" You pouted up at your husband. "John Mulaney brought us together."

Bucky dropped on the couch next to you with a put-upon sigh. "Fine. Comeback Kid."

You kissed his cheek in victory. "Good choice."

By the time crazy Mr. Finch was proclaiming "Too old to be a duckling, quack quack!" you were leaning on Bucky's shoulder in a sleepy haze, full of pizza and wine and love.

"Hey, Buck."

"Yeah, babe?"

"Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time?"

Bucky looked at you like he had chewed glass. You kept a straight face for about thirty seconds before you burst out laughing. Bucky pushed you onto your back on the couch, tickling your tummy while you begged for mercy. When he finally stopped he lowered his face and nudged your nose with his, the affection in the gesture nearly doubling your heartbeat. Then he raised an eyebrow at you before asking, "Why buy the cow?"

You melted. "Because you love her. You really do." You kissed your man, once, twice and then again, before making a promise you meant on your wedding day and every day since.

"You'll never be the old man stumbling around looking for loose milk."

#omnomwritingchallenge #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #john mulaney #sebastian stan

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omnomsauruswrites · 7 years ago

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Omnom Writing Challenge

So to celebrate reaching close to 200 followers, I’m doing a writing challenge! I hope you partake. And of course thanks for joining me on my crazy writing journey! I’m beyond thankful for all of you and wish I could give each of you a big hug, so I’ll give you a virtual one!

There will be dialogue and one word prompts for you guys to pick from.

Rules:

Can write about any MCU character and cast member.

Once a prompt is gone, it’s gone. Sorry, guys.

No max/min length.

Can be canon or au.

Send me an ask for what prompt you want.

You can write about anything that you want to. Fluff, angst, smut, soft. The world is your oyster.

Tag me in your piece, and hashtag #omnomwritingchallenge.

Note: You do not have to follow me to partake!

Dialogue prompts (these are a mixture of mine and Pinterest.):

This is a really good look for you. @valkyrieofsmut

Hello, Life Ruiner. @book-dragon-13

Oh my god! What is that smell?

I don’t know why you are freaking out about being fake married to a guy you are basically married to. @tropicalcap

I like my coffee like my women bitter and blonde.

How many times have I told you not to list me as an emergency contact? @cari105

Person A: What are you afraid of? Person B: You.

It’s blood, not nuclear waste. Chill out. @bucky-smiles

Did I kiss you last night?

Where did you get a dress like that?

What can I do to fix this?

Is it hug time, yet? @wintersoldierswhore

Get off of me!

You’re going to need to limp faster than that…. @winchesterswantmypie

For the love of all that is holy! SHUT UP!

Word Prompts:

Gnomes

Espresso

Puppies

Tacos

Clouds

Handcuffs

Tin Man

Bowtie

Fairytale

Magnolia

@valkyrieofsmut @bucky-smiles @littleravenwrites @cari105

#omnomwritingchallenge #writing challenge #mcuwriting #mcuwriting challenge

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omnomsauruswrites · 7 years ago

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I decided!!! #6 please 😁

......OMG I CAN"T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO WITH SIX! :D All yours!

#omnomwritingchallenge

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omnomsauruswrites · 7 years ago

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Can I take Hello Life Ruiner?

Of course, you can! Have fun with it! 😉

#omnomwritingchallenge #omnomsauruswritesmasterlist

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cari105 · 7 years ago

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Emergency Contact

How many times have I told you not to list me as an emergency contact? - Prompt for @omnomsauruswrites writing challenge.

BFF’s: Nat x reader

You loved mornings like today. Outside, sun cresting the horizon, birds singing, peaceful. It wasn’t often you made it to the park for sunrise yoga but it always relaxed you. And you needed relaxing after the week you’d had. Damn Tony and his malfunctioning machines that tore up the commons room on Monday. Tuesday’s shit storm was courtesy of Steve and Bucky sparring the gym into oblivion. Wednesday and Thursday delivered damn near back-to-back missions. Now, Friday, you were tired and just wanted a little tranquility. Meditating in the early hours at the park was always soothing.

Suddenly, to your chagrin, screaming goats shatter the still morning. Startled, you look around for the source and realize that it’s coming from your phone. What the hell? With an apologetic look to the people around you, who are currently giving you the stink-eye, you fumble with your phone to stop that atrocious noise.

“Oh great,” you grouse, seeing the name flashing on your caller ID. Swiping the answer button, “What do you want Nat?”

“Ms. Y/N, this is Nurse Cribbs at the Memorial ER. We have you listed as the emergency contact for Natasha Romanov.” What the fuck now??? Pinching the bridge of your nose, where an ache was forming, you wonder what’s she gotten into now. “Ms. Y/N?”

“Yes, what happened?”

“She’s fine, resting and will be discharged in the next hour. She asked us to call you as she won’t be able to drive herself.” The nurse sounded like a nice lady but it was real difficult not to have very unnice thoughts right now.

You sigh and look wistfully around the calm and peaceful park, “That’s fine. I’ll be there.”

________________

Almost exactly an hour later, you stroll in the ER just in time to hear a loud commotion. The sinking feeling in your stomach proves right when you hear Nat screaming, “leave me alone you witch!”

You pass by a very exasperated looking nurse leaving Nat’s room and mumbling what sounded suspiciously like very inappropriate words. Nat’s eyes light up and she grins widely when she sees you, “Y/N!”

“How many times have I told you not to list me as an emergency contact?” You question wryly. “And when exactly did you change my ringtone? And WHY GOATS SCREAMING!?!”

“Well who else would I list but my best friend?” she asks innocently. “And you’re other ringtone sucked so I changed it while you were cooking dinner the other night.”

“We aren’t best friends, Nat. Hell, we aren’t friends at all! And leave my damn phone alone.”

“Of course we are. Bestie.” She says this with such a mix of conviction and mischievousness that you know you’ll be sorry for whatever she is up to.

“I have questions,” you say, rolling your eyes upward. “So, what’d you do this time?”

“Why do you have to say it like that? Maaybe I had an accident. Maaybe it’s a miracle I’m alive at all.” She sees the disbelieving look on my face. “Or maybe I tried keeping up with Steve this morning on his run and now I have stress fractures.”

“Uh huh. That sounds more like it. So you’ve taken to literally chasing after him now? Nat, really?”

She looks crestfallen for a moment, then perks up, “He did say nice form when he passed me on one lap.” She sighs dreamily, “He totally wants me. Pretty sure he’s an ass guy.”

Throwing my hands in the air, “I give up!” Plopping down on the bed, you give her a quick hug. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Get me out of here and then drive by the Smoothie King.”

“Why am I going out of my way to drive BY the Smoothie King?” I question dubiously.

“Steve likes to get a smoothie after his runs and I want one more peek dat hot bod!”

I stare at you for a moment, sigh in defeat, and daydream about the park while you ramble on about Steve’s “hawt body”.

#omnomwritingchallenge #natasha romanoff #natasha romanov

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omnomsauruswrites · 7 years ago

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I love this so very very much! And yes I’d get a stress fracture running with Cap! And you are always going to be my emergency contact cause I love ya!