#on the other hand one of my coworkers last thurs started hers at work and its like. .if she can power thru i can try to for at least half a

[onepiexe]

god. the universe hates me.

[solarwonux]

Minghao x f!reader drabble

w.c: 2.8k

warnings: angst, slight mention of not eating, minghao be an asshole sometimes

note: I’ve had this one collecting dust in the docs so I decided to upload it today, it was meant to be part of a bigger fic but I decided to not continue though who knows it might be referenced later on in a different fic. Enjoy and let me know your thoughts.xx

Also I’m changing my schedule around a little. So instead of me posting Mon, Weds, Fri, I will be posting Mon, Thurs, Fri. You can find more info on Navi

drabble game || masterlist

There were sides of Minghao  that unfortunately weren’t reserved for you, except for one. The one you hated the most and the one you wished you could stray as far away from. The side that received you with a frown and a bitter cold glare. The side that spoke to you in short sentences, a sour tone that would weave its way through his voice like vines whenever he spoke to you. It sent shivers down your spine and not the good kind. It was the side that you couldn’t break through to get to the side that was reserved for the people he loved and cared about most in the world. And you weren’t one of those people.

Maybe this was the way the universe decided to punish you. A punishment you wholeheartedly thought you didn’t deserve because you were tied at your feet with no way out. When you had been matched with Minghao  by the System it was either you marry or die. And of course, selfishly you choose to live. You knew he resented you for it, but in the year and a half that you two were officially married, you had secretly seen the warmth that oozed out of his pores. You saw the wide smile that would light up the room whenever darkness poured in. His laugh sounded like a sweet melody that you would never get tired of listening and just his presence made you feel like home.

Minghao was a gift, the purest form of art, a being so powerful you swore he would restore the peace in the world. He could resent you, hate you all he wanted, look at you with an overwhelming amount of venom in his eyes. And you’d let him, you could never let yourself regret your final decision because he deserved to live.

Sighing deeply, you pushed yourself off the elevator walls watching as the hallway to your apartment came into view. This was the part you hated most about your day. It wasn’t the part where you woke up alone, it wasn’t the part where you had to go to work and it wasn’t the hour and a half walk home. It was the short walk from the elevator to your apartment. It never failed to stretch out miles as your heart caught itself in your throat because behind that closed door you weren’t sure what you’d encounter.

Sometimes it would be a quiet Minghao , sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with his headphones on. His studio set up scattered all over, a notebook and his unlocked phone next to him. Sometimes it was him quietly sitting at the coffee table eating take out, sometimes it was him on his phone arguing with his mother as he shot piercing glares at you, probably wishing you weren’t alive. And other times it was a dark and cold apartment, nothing out of place. The silence creeping underneath the floorboards, reigning, occupying its throne in between the walls as it desperately tried to push the two of you out.

For some reason that was the apartment you always found yourself hoping for whenever you stopped in front of your door. Your hand gripping the doorknob tightly every night that it had started getting loose.

This was a routine by now. You’d put the key in the key lock, turn it until you heard it unlock. Then you’d close your eyes, slowly count ten Mississippi’s, proceed to give yourself a pep talk and then finally biting the bullet and opening the door. Anxiety rushed through you quickly when you saw what was waiting for you behind the door, Minghao  on the couch typing quickly on his phone, while the TV beamed with life in front of him. Lighting up the dark living room with undertones of blue.

“I’m home.” You spoke, a shake in your voice making you wish you were stronger. The door clicked behind you, signaling there would be no way out until tomorrow morning so you might as well bite your tongue and deal with anything you’d encounter tonight.

“Welcome, I ordered food but wasn’t sure if you wanted any.” He shrugged, locking his phone and setting it by his side. He crossed his arms in front of him and turned his attention to the TV.

“It’s fine I’m not hungry anyway.” You took off your shoes by Minghao’s worn out ones. The hunger swirled inside of you, but you pushed it aside, telling yourself that you’d find something to eat once he was asleep in the guest bedroom that by now had become his room. “Mhm, you are eating right?” He said a hint of concern in the back of his throat, but that could’ve been your mind playing games on you. Though the question had caught you off guard and you weren’t sure how to answer without lying because in truth for a while now your appetite had severely gone down.

“I am, had a big lunch with one of my coworkers.” Minghao  nodded at your answer, finally turning to face you, furrowing his eyebrows. You tried to ignore his gaze, relax your body as much as you could and placed your bag down on one of the highchairs in front of the kitchen island. “My family’s coming over tomorrow, my mom wants to cook dinner…you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.” He blurted out the last part, hollowing out the part of your heart that was reserved for him. You loved Minghao ’s family as much as you loved him, but unlike him they had been very welcoming of you. Embraced you with open arms and you found comfort knowing that at least a part of him loved you.

“I’ll be there.” You whispered, shrugging off your coat and placing it on the back of the chair. “I have a day off tomorrow so I can clean up around here before they come over…I mean if that’s fine with you and all, I don’t want to make things uncomfortable.”

“Do whatever you want.” He spat out leaning back on the couch. His tone returning to the one you were used to hearing and you knew you had overstayed your welcome in the living room. “Right, I’m going to bed then.” You nodded walking past him and straight to your room, closing the door behind you quickly and resting your back against it. You breathed out a sad sigh of relief feeling the tears build up behind your eyelids, the hunger gnawing its way through your stomach ripping it to shreds. As well as your need for some sort of comfort, as you came to your first realization of the night. Just like it washed over you every single night and for once you wished you didn’t feel so alone, when the person that was supposed to love you stood on the other side not caring.

Oddly there was a side of you that loved Minghao  and maybe it was the side that kept holding onto the hope you first felt when you were given the news. Or maybe it was the image of him that you created in your head from all the fragments of light he let out whenever he thought you weren’t looking. But you loved him, that was something you were confident in because you saw him for who he was, flaws and all when the two of you weren’t alone.

“Fuck.” You pushed yourself off your door throwing yourself on your unmade made and grabbing the turtle stuffed animal you slept with every night. It brought you a small sense of comfort and any comfort you could get you would grab and indulge in it blissfully. It was small and useless in the long run.

You buried your head into the head of the stuffed animal, finally letting the dam loose and the sobs came in full throttle. Thankfully the TV in the living room was loud enough to muffle your sounds. It wouldn’t matter if he could hear you anyway because you knew he wouldn’t be running into your room like a knight in shining armor and save you from yourself. He just didn’t care and that was the second realization you would have every night. Each time you did, it sent a jab through your body, cracking the little wall that kept the small sliver of light you held onto dearly. Each night though you felt it flicker slowly losing its innocent glow. Sometimes you’d wonder when the light would finally die out, when the numbness would finally overtake your body and you could go on with life without feeling like you were worthless. Without feeling anything.

“Can I come in?” You sat up on your bed at lightning speed. Minghao ’s soft voice sounding from the other side of your door. A knock following in between syllables. Your breathing sped up and you brought your hands up to your cheeks slapping your tears away, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of him seeing you in this state. “U-Um yeah.” You spoke moving to rest against the headboard of your bed, grabbing your laptop on your bedside table and opening it to make it seem like you were doing something other than crying.

“I brought you chicken as I couldn’t finish it all.” He walked in, a styrofoam container in his left hand. His aura took over the air in your room and you felt as if you were suffocating. You watched as he slowly took in your room and your face heating up as you remembered the untidy state of your room. His eyes lingering on the wall of polaroid’s behind your even messier desk.

The girl in those pictures, the one whose smile reached her eyes and laughed still lingered in the small cracks on the walls of your room was someone that was unknown to you now. On days when you couldn’t bring yourself to get out of bed you looked at her as a sign of motivation. Telling yourself that that person was still within you and that she would come back you just had to fight through whatever you were going through. At the end of the day she always came back.

“Oh, I’m not hungry.” You closed your laptop and set it aside, the forgotten google tab opened waiting to be used. “I can have it for lunch tomorrow though.” You brought your knees up to your chest and wrapped your arms around them. To avoid his curious gaze, you looked out the window, the moonlight shining down at the skyline. You wondered if they were at peace unlike you.

“Why do you cry every night?” Minghao  blurted out. He had placed the container on your desk and sat down on the foot of your bed. His back turned to you. The question had caught you off guard as you searched through the files in your brain in order to come up with an excuse. Yet, you came out unsuccessful and decided to just finally confess to him. You had nothing left to lose. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with you?” You choked out biting your lip to keep the sob that threatened to spill locked away in the back of your throat.

“You can’t love…you barely know me.” He turned to face you and for the first time in a long time you couldn’t read the emotion that was playing against his features.

“Maybe I don’t love the person I’m faced with everyday, but I do love the person I see whenever you let your guard down around your friends and family.”

“But aren’t you tired of all of this? He raised an eyebrow, lifting his palm up and signaling all around the room as if the extra gesture would help prove his point.

“Exhausted.” You breathed out your shoulders falling as you felt yourself fall apart little by little in front of him. “Then why not hate me?” Minghao  brought his legs up to your bed and crossed them underneath him. This was the longest the two of you had spoken or been in each other’s presence and although it was suffocating there was a small ring of light that lingered between the two of you.

“Because as much as I want to sometimes, I can’t bring myself to hate someone that’s hurting inside as well.”

The deafening silence that the two of you had grown accustomed to entangling itself in the warmth that was lingering above the two of you now. Somehow bringing the two of you a sense of comfort in the midst of this confusing situation you found yourselves in. Although you could feel like you could breathe again, the question that still kept you up at night stayed put in the back of your throat waiting to finally be let out into the world. For months you had pushed it back, deciding you already knew the answer to it. But as you sat in front of Minghao , his soft eyes dancing between your puffy ones you weren’t sure anymore. So, you put your preconceived notions aside as well as your pride and opened your mouth, letting the question run out to freedom. Your heart raced as you anticipated his answer.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

“I don’t hate you, truthfully I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

“Then why can’t you love me back?” You whispered, shutting your eyes. Your hold on your legs getting tighter.

“Because I can’t bring myself to do so no matter how hard I want to sometimes, especially when I listen to you cry every night. I wish…I want to set everything aside and hold you. I want to make you feel less alone…but I can’t.” Minghao  let out a frustrated sign running his hands through his hair and tugging at his roots in desperation. The sight made your heart wrench. You wanted to reach over and hug him, give him the comfort you craved.

“W-Why?”

“I feel guilty.” He nodded resting his forearms against his knees, finally breaking his eye contact with you. Searching your room rapidly for another point of focus and finally settling on the humidifier on your bedside table. “I feel guilty because before I met you, I had chosen to live, not knowing that I would be the reason why your light would start to fade as the days went by.”

Without a second thought you let go of your legs, maneuvering yourself around your bed and wrapped your arms around him tightly. Finally breaking the barrier that silently lingered between the two of you.

You buried your face into his neck letting your tears run freely for the second time that night. Though this time instead of feeling the loneliness you had felt earlier, you felt a sense of relief wash over you.

Minghao  felt himself hesitate for a moment feeling overwhelmed as he felt your touch for the first time, not knowing he missed it. A thought he couldn’t explain because how was he missing something he had never had the pleasure of feeling. But he pushed it aside and hugged you back, letting the tears he had kept in for far too long out in the open. He wasn’t happy but he felt like he could be happy if this was what it felt like to finally have you in his arms. He held you tightly, gripping onto you and burying his nose in your hair taking in your scent, one he decided right then and there he would never grow tired of. The two of you basking in each other’s arms, your hearts racing against one another and it overwhelmed the two of you greatly.

“I know we have a lot of things to get through but I’m willing to start over if you are.” You whispered, removing your arms from his body and sitting back on your knees. You wiped your tears with the back of your hand, letting out a small laugh and shook your head in disbelief before holding your hand out for him to shake.

Minghao  smiled widely, chuckling before taking your hand in his. The feeling was enough to send shivers up his spine. The good kind.

For the first time that night he had a realization. A secret that he would carry out to his grave, unless you prodded it out of him and with how things were going, he was sure that you would succeed at it too. But for now, he would keep it to himself and enjoy the way your touch felt against his skin and the way your smile was enough to have his heart beating out of time.

“I’m Minghao, your husband.”

[pixiealtaira]

Lets see how long I can type my rant before anything goes wrong or anyone yells for attention....

So...My mom has breast cancer..again. It is an entirely different form than the last time she had it.  Still...she had her first chemo treatment oct 21st and the type she has was mistaken as just an infection for two weeks...so this type involves infection like pain and sores.

My mom doesn’t like pills or medicine or anything.

My mom acts like an overgrown over tired toddler when she is in pain and not feeling her best.  We are still dealing with the fallout from the last round which included medicine that messed with her heart and made her need heart meds.

She would rather sit and bawl and scream at everyone instead of take the over the counter Motrin for her pain...because she hates medicine and doesn’t want to take it.

She also get bratty and mean...she says mean things and if anyone snaps back or says anything she whines about how she hates being a burden and hates that she can’t do anything because she has cancer and just doing anything will use too much energy she needs to put to fighting the cancer.  And she doesn’t do much but sit in her chair and watch TV and complain about the weather, people, politics, TV shows, all pets, the internet, and everything else under the sun.  You can’t get in a discussion about anything with ANYONE else, not even just her, because if you disagree with anything she says she bawls abotu how she shouldn’t say anything and everyone is just not agreeing with her because they want to upset her. However, if you do something wrong that she told you to do..then she will get out of the chair and do it herself while either whining about how difficult you are making her life or bawling about how noone loves her.  This includes cooking her food not hot enough for her liking or too hot.

The cancer center recommended a therapist she could talk to.  She refuses to go because of Covid...and says she has people where we live who have been through ti she could talk to (she won’t call anyone herself to talk to anyone...everyone is just supposed to know she wants to talk and call her....and you can’t say to anyone to call her...because that would be asking and the same as her calling.).  The one person who has called more than once, however, thinks that she  should just sit back and not do anything and have everyone do everything for her...because she has cancer and that is a horrid thing to have and everyone should just wait hand and foot on her because of it....so feeds into her attitude.

My daughter got let go from her job and her application for financial aid was not complete...so she couldn’t start school this fall.  So, she is home but nothing near us is hiring (we live in a tiny rural town and she has been looking at places she can walk to...we have three places that hire people that are within walking distance...when you move walking distance to 1 and half miles.).  We were going to put in applications for the next town over right before my mom got sick...but my mom doesn’t like being left in the house alone so doesn’t want her to go anywhere unless I’m not working on those days as well.  But she doesn’t like her sitting around doing nothing...and tells her constantly that she is wasting her life.

My dad isn’t the healthiest person, but he gets no break either.  He has also ended up driving me to work everyday because we are down to one working car for the foreseeable time and my mom can’t handle it not being at the house in case she needs it to be there.

I work for the schools. I work two days in food services and I substitute teach. I generally work three days a week (our schools only go mon -thur).

Through the lunch job I have limited hours.  I have gone over them for three weeks....I have worked everyday at food services. 

Our coworker had Covid and her husband just died of it. She’s been out three full weeks and half the week before that. (and yes, we probably should have also been out, but we were told no...someone has to cook for the kids at school). There are no substitute food services people in our school district. None.  They counted on those of us working two days a week or half days to be able to cover for those other in the school we work in and for no one to need more than two days off in any given week. Each school is at the minimum needed to cover the work done.  If the one head food service person goes out...everyone else is screwed time wise, if one of the other goes out for any length of time everyone is screwed time wise. in that school.

We did it...but the school district is having a fit about our time sheets and the time we’ve worked too long over our allotted hours.  We said...fix it.  We cannot, it must be fixed by you. Hire people. but people won’t work the job at the pay they are willing to pay.

Between the two...I’m tired and stressed and I need a vacation.

And I decided to try nanowrimo.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Nothing has more than 3000 or 4000 words....

I have 11 new WIP.  I don’t think you win Nano by having the most WIP over the month.

I wrote possible songs for a glee fanfic...and spent three days looking up how to format for script writing.

And unless I write past 11pm...everytime I open my writing up...someone screams for something. I write in my room.  NOONE can see me open it up. But it never fails...if I start writing before 11pm. I can get two sentences max before someone yells for me to do something or get them something or fix something.

And I complained to one of my siblings about just not being able to do anything for myself without having to drop whatever I am doing to wait on people hand and foot. I was told to stop whining and being an ungrateful brat. Basically was reminded that MY purpose was to be the one there for whatever was needed and to just buck up.  It didn’t matter if it was to be the one to sit with her kids in school because she and her hubby worked and couldn’t or to wait on mom hand and foot or to tutor our brother’s kids and her kids and walk them through their school work ...I was just to do so with a smile.

Ugh...

and it is cold and snowy.

[fizzingwizard]

the weather’s giving me whiplash lol

it finally got cold and started to fell like fall and then all of a sudden yesterday it felt like summer again, i was sweating, I put my kids in jackets when we went outside but it was immediately clear they didn’t need them xD

and tomorrow it’s supposed to be 23!!! and then drop down to 11 during the week... what

I already changed out all my summer things too...

But I can’t find my ratty do-nothing day shirt... so I’m still wearing a tank top.

random ranting under the cut

(menstruation mention warning)

yeeeah that was a week.

every single day we were understaffed, more often than not a lot understaffed. It was just bad timing. A bunch of my coworkers got sick with something pretty nasty (my one coworker took two and a half days off to get over it and said she’s never done that before in 9 years working... she is the definition of Japanese “gaman” spirit so I totally believe this was The Nastiest Of Colds)

So she was out Mon and Wed and half of Tues. Two other workers were out three days, a fourth was out the whole week (the teacher with burn-out from last week is taking a second week), and a fifth got sick on Fri and was out. Our admin assistant was out sick on Thurs as well, only relevant because 1) sadly she has to not do her own job to help in our classrooms when there’s no one else and 2) if she’s not here we teachers have to somehow man the front desk while watching over our classes... which are in a separate area with closed doors... >_>

On Mon all classes were missing one teacher xD

Also, my other co-teacher was out two days because a relative passed away unexpectedly and she had to go to the funeral.

So it was just all things that can’t be controlled, everyone doing their best... just horrible timing when they all happened at once x’D Those of us who were well just had to do our best. We juggled schedules and even kids (because we have to maintain 1:6 ratio but some days we didn’t have enough teachers in some classes, so we send kids from those classes to other classes for the day). Our saving grace was that often, if teachers are out sick, so are kids... so we didn’t have full classes. Even so, we were so nervous what to do about the babies, because they really need all hands on deck.

And on Fri I had to send one my own students to a diff class because my co-teacher went to help an understaffed class so my other co-teacher and I could only have 12 kids. And that was so hard because he cried when I took him to the other class, even though he knows those teachers and students and likes them, and I explained that i would come and get him and it wasn’t forever... but of course he was surprised and confused, he’s only 3. We picked him because he’s one of the most mature and easiest kids in our class (also he’s a particular favorite with the teacher who was going to look after him that day xD) but naturally he didn’t like having his usual routine disrupted and he’s too young to really understand what it’s happening too. I felt so bad and I missed him :( But he did calm down and had a great time. It was also really cute how the other kids in my class kept asking about him and whenever they saw him in the hall/outside they would call to him excitedly <3

Also when teachers are out the rest of us have to cover both their teaching duties, classroom duties, supervision duties, and cleaning duties. And on the day that both my coworkers were out, I had to do three people’s worth of cleaning T_T I actually had to trade off time with my coworker so I would have enough time to get it done before going back on duty.

So Mon-Tues-Wed I didn’t get a break. I mean, on paper, I had break time, but I mean I couldn’t use it to take a break. I had too much to do. On Thurs, I could take a half hour break to eat yakiimo from don quijote. (Actually I meant to do paperwork while eating it but I got nettori kind and it was sooooooooooo wet x’D I couldn’t touch anything else, my fngers were so slimy. but delicious. I still prefer fluffy kind (hokuhoku).

Fri tho once again, no break since four teachers were out T_T soooo busyyyy

oh and this prob goes without saying but yeah we couldn’t ever get the sub. thats why we had to use office staff (who tried really hard, seriously, kudos to them) and even teachers from another school to make ratio. and juggle classes etc.

and parents kept sending sick kids to school! i get it, i really do, but even so, pleeeease keep your sick kids at home... I know you can’t keep them home for every runny nose or cough, but when they’re so congested they can’t breathe while napping etc then it’s really too much...

We had a kid who was coughing and coughing but her mom insisted she was fine and the next day sad “i went to the doctor and he said she’s fine too and she never coughed at home.” But that very day not only did the kid cough a lot, she even vomited at lunch. So we sent her home, but guess what, mom still tried to bring her in the next day. I don’t get iiiiiit. We couldn’t send her home but my boss was very persuasive and did manage to convince mom to keep her home that day. Of course, she came the next day :P but she seemed a lot better so.

Main thing for me was just being so tired. I just couldn’t get a break, I was moving nonstop. I am on my feet all day on normal days and this was even more than that. On Thurs I almost cried because I was supposed to have 15 min in the morning and it was gone. But we got less kids in the morning that day so I was able to sneak away thanks to my coworker since we were still in ratio without me. I didn’t take a break lol, I was still playing catch up.

really all I wanted to do every day was lie down and nap with the kids lol. I would get home and have no energy to do anything. Fell asleep with the lights on three times.

Then on Fri, after such a week, my train line went down RIGHT at rush hour ;_; usually this clears up after a short time, but it’s plenty long enough for tonsssss of people to amass waiting and waiting. Unfortunately for me, there is only one train that goes to my town so I can’t even transfer to a different line. If the train had stayed down I’d have had to take a taxi (expensive!) or figure out if there’s a bus route (no idea, I was still several train stops away from my town). BF said I could crash at his but I would have had no clothes or anything...

The train did get going again, but only after almost an hour. Then if you’ve ever seen those videos of people in Tokyo cramming on the trains and getting pushed on by other passengers/train staff... well that’s what happened then xD Osaka is very busy, especially my train line, and in rush hour I’m used to being crushed. But this was waaay more than usual. More like Tokyo I think based on the few times I’ve been on the train there. You didn’t even need to hold onto the strap because there were too many people to fall over x’D

But then! lo and behold, after a few stops a seat opened up right in front of me. It was miraculous. I actually got to sit after being on my feet all day at work + standing on the platform for an hour waiting for the train x’D I sat for seven whole minutes hahahaha

finally got home and my whole body hurrrrrt

still hurt this morning too... but I had a funny feeling... went and checked YEPPP, I’m on my period. Sometimes it’s not bad but this is one of those “someone is punching me in the uterus” weeks. The pain and bloating usually goes away after a day or two at least.

At least I got to sleep and I feel slightly more human again. Ordered uber eats for dinner bc I was determined not to go out at all today. The poor guy got lost though x’D