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Reading this part of a recent interview with DA4′s creative director John Epler as a fan of Solas’ character
#feels like being wrapped in a warm blanket and being told ''Everything's going to be alright'' :)#solas#john epler#I trust them to handle his character and arc with the appropriate care#give me all that sweet nuance and all the circumstances of his past that have lead to all this#let everyone see it and then judge him again from a new perspective#will it change people's opinion on him? for better or worse?#I'm SO curious!#highly recommend reading the whole thing actually!#that whole take on why heroes are defined by their willingness to admit that you'll need the help of others#''it's pride and it's about ego'' OKAY MR EPLER#one more penny for the ''Solas has to learn how to trust again in order to be saved from himself'' jar lol#the question remains though.. what was that big betrayal in his past that lead to him losing that trust forever?
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Asexuality and Romance
And Solavellan
Hi, hello, it’s Allison again and this week on “Things I would Very Much Like to See Less Of,” I will be addressing the notion that asexual relationships are less meaningful and/or important, than sexual relationships. I recently took to twitter with my thoughts on how relationships do not require sex to be considered a romance, citing Solavellan as a specific example. I was pleased with the supportive responses I received; however, there was a pattern of responses that did bother me just a little.
“It is impossible to imagine Solavellan as asexual because it is too [intimate/ passionate/ deep//romantic/ etcetera} to be asexual.”
Or
“Solas is too flirty and suggestive to be asexual or exist within an asexual relationship”
These comments were well-meaning, and in completely good faith, however, they are ultimately acephobic, as they suggest that people who identify as asexual or who exist somewhere on the asexual spectrum cannot have intimate, passionate, deep, romantic relationships with others, or that they must be prudish saints to be considered ace. This is not only hurtful. It’s just wrong. For several reasons! I’m gonna just slip those reasons behind a read more to be mindful of others’ feeds.
1.) “It is impossible to imagine Solavellan as asexual because it is too [whatever] to be asexual.”
Alarming as it is for some folks, particularly in highly sexualized places such as fandom: Sex is not required for romance. It simply isn’t. It is, of course, a related feature that some people enjoy (an enjoyable side benefit, if you will *snerk*). Relationships without sex can be just as deep and meaningful, just as passionate, just as closely bonded, and just as important as those in which sex is involved. I understand that it is difficult for allosexual people to comprehend this notion since many conflate sex and romance as one and the same. I do not refute that sex is a beautiful expression of love, but it is not the only way to do so. To address this point, I would like to refer to a popular theory about love developed by Psychologist Robert Sternberg. This theory is called the Triarchic Theory of Love, and it explains how intimacy, passion, and commitment interact within an interpersonal relationship to then define that relationship.
Intimacy is a feeling of closeness or bondedness (notably not sexual). Intimacy is established through sharing experiences and personal knowledge. It is about trust and connectedness. Intimacy can be shared between family, friends, and lovers and it manifests across physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental, domains.
Passion is often called attraction or chemistry. Passion is most in line with what most would consider “sex” and “sexuality,” however, attraction can also take the form of physical, romantic, spiritual, emotional, and any other ways one person may be attracted to another.
Commitment is a choice, or decision of one person to love another person.
According to Sternberg, relationships experience fluidity of each of these three components depending on the type of relationship between individuals as well as across time and situations. He developed a triangle to illustrate how these components interact (below).
While all of the different facets are incredibly interesting, and would be a great topic for discussion in another post, I am particularly interested in two types of “love” here to help me prove my point: Romantic and Consummate.
Romantic love, as I previously discussed, is one that is often misconstrued and thought to be unattainable to those who do not have sex. Yet, according to Sternberg’s theory, the fundamental components of romance are passion (which may or may not be sexual) and intimacy (which is distinctly not sexual). Therefore depending upon the members of a relationship, and how they experience attraction and closeness, romantic love does not inherently require sex .
Consummate love is considered the highest form of love, as it is the combination of all three components. Essentially, it is an enduring romantic relationship. Adding the commitment piece changes nothing about the lack of need for sex to establish the relationship as romantic. I enjoy the word “consummate” because the most well known definition is a verb, meaning to solidify a marriage by having sex. However, in this case it simply means “supreme” or “highest order.” Sex is optional.
I think that anyone who is incapable imagining just how Solavellan might be romantic through the progression of deep intimate conversation and understanding, intellectual and emotional attraction, trust, and closeness must not have a very strong imagination.
2.) “Solas is too flirty and suggestive to be asexual or exist within an asexual relationship”
I suppose the hill I will die on will be the one where I just shout from atop it with my megaphone that people who identify as asexual, ace spectrum, demi, and greysexual are not, by default, prudish. I know… shocking. If I had a penny for every time someone made a virginal ace joke I would be wealthy. Asexual, by definition, simply means that one does not experience sexual attraction. To be on the ace spectrum means that one does not experience sexual attraction in a common fashion. While some people on the ace spectrum are sex averse or sex repulsed, this is not true for everyone. Some ace folks are simply indifferent to sex. Others still are even positive about sex, but do not experience a desire for it like allosexual people do.
Some ace folks love to consume media about the sexual relationships of others, yet want no part of it themselves. Many ace folks love dirty jokes and vulgar humor. In fact, sometimes, you may not even be able to tell that we are, in fact asexual by the way that we interact with others. The fact that Solas has some suggestive humor, enjoys the power, intrigue, and sex permeating the events at Halamshiral, and the fact that he so passionately kisses his love are no indication that he is allo by default. Even if there was a sex scene, that still does not mean that he is not on the ace spectrum. (Although I’m really glad that there was not a sex scene because it is very nice for those who are sex averse to not have to see it).
Sometimes, asexual people end up in love with allosexual people. Those who aren’t averse, may choose to have sex with their partners because they care about them and know that it is important to them. Allosexual partners of an ace spec person may learn other ways of developing intimacy with their loved one because, you know, they love them. It’s all very intricate and very specific to each individual relationship and not something that can be swept over with a broad brush.
Perhaps you headcanon Solas as allosexual, and that is totally within your right to do so. However, to say that he “can’t” be ace spectrum is… a limited perspective. In my own personal headcanon, I imagine him to be demi, and so he would experience sexual attraction, but only to someone he felt a deep emotional connection with. I know others still who think he is completely ace, and all of these headcanons are completely possible for Solas (and a lot of other characters actually), considering the heterogeneity of the asexual spectrum.
TL;DR
- Love and romance comprise many complicated facets that are developed in different ways, at different times depending on the people and context.
- Sex is not required for romance to exist, though some romance does involve sex.
- Broad generalizations about the sexuality of a character based upon very limited information are never a good idea.
- It is narrow-minded to believe that a relationship cannot have as much weight without sex.
- It is incorrect to equate asexuality with prudishness, chastity, etc.
- It is totally okay for everyone to conceptualize Solavellan as they wish, whether it be asexual or otherwise.
- It is NOT okay to tell ace people that the relationship is not capable of being viewed as asexual or that Solas could not possibly be viewed as asexual. (Surprise, this shred of possible representation is very important to some people)
- This does not just apply to Solavellan. If you have any questions, comments, concerns, and/or would like any tips about writing asexual relationships/ characters, please feel free to hmu. My asks are always open and anons are always available. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, you all have been great.
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#solavellan#asexuality#romance#fandom critical#tw: sex mention#how many nasty comments will i get for this#the world will know in several hours
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