#one of the many vw scenes that never leaves my brain

[raepliica]

my part of @altades 's vashwood dance collab!!

[scottstiles]

i was tagged by @clarz - thank you for this! rules: answer questions given by the person who tagged you, write 11 new questions of your own, tag 11 people. 

i’m gonna tag some people today cuz i worked hard on this and it took a long time...whoops. no pressure XD @wellsjahasghost @tylerstitties @runicscribbles @xproskeith @anomalagous @ginevraslovegood @quicklikelight​  @westhallen @lozenger8 @prudence-halliwell @malecbellarke

omg i’m sorry i just realized it’s really long. this is what happens when you take 2 days to answer a tag game. feel free to skip my answers and head to the new Qs if you want! or neither! love you <3

1. Do you find it frustrating that although you know how certain things “work” (for instance, how a love interest not calling you back automatically increases your interest), you can’t help but being drawn in? Can you give me an example? (For the record, this principle describes the entirety of my complicated one-sided relationship with one Harry Edward Styles.)

Yeeeeah i feel like most things in my life approach that level of frustration tbh. I have very little self control sometimes. I’m covered in a haze of addiction, and my impulse control/temper lives on a volatile little rickety branch in my brain where there’s always a lightning storm in the distance. Okay so what I mean is (and I’m not sure i really understand the question but I’m trying), I find it extremely frustrating that I am always aware of what the outcome will be and yet I constantly put myself in the position to be frustrated and/or disappointed by it. Did I get it? Like, if we’re talkin about celebrity obsessions, or having a crush on someone (which, yeah, I guess I kinda remember what that’s like irl), I suppose I’ve come to terms with that kind of distant admiration thing being divorced from reality- I mean, it’s been a life long struggle, so it doesn’t really get to me as much anymore. Usually. The “fangirl” in me is very, very young, and I don’t really know her anymore. If I’m talking about fighting my impulses or my mental health, or like, leaving earlier so I’m not late and then angry in traffic.... that’s a bit more frustrating. I will never leave early. Why? I don’t fucking know. And it’s the Worst. Idk if that fits with your question but yeah, I know how my behavior affects my mood and I could change it, but I don’t, and I can’t help it.

2. What is the longest book or series of books you’ve ever read? Were you at a loss when you finished? Do you generally like series or prefer stand-alone books?

The Sword of Truth series by Terry Goodkind! I love it so much. Haven’t read it in a long time, but that shit is like over 20 books and he’s still writing.. a legend. I was at a loss several times at the end of certain books that I thought were really gonna be the End, but then he made some like, spin off series a bit. So we’re good. Generally I love a good series, but there are so many stand alone books that I adore so.. I don’t know. Why am I writing so formally? This is tiresome, I’m gonna stop now. Stupid capital letters.

other series i love include everything in the tolkien universe, and of course harry potter, and also the percy jackson books. tolkien is pretty epic, to say the least, and rick riordan is fucking prolific, so hp is like, on the small side in terms of series (tho i did reread the last 2 at least a dozen times, and the audiobooks on many a long drive). also those motherfukcing maze runner books were like... there’s not that many of them, but that one i can definitely say left me at a loss. i’m still not ready to watch the last 2 movies but i hope to one day. for dylan.

3. Ever seen a therapist or gone to a support group? Did it help?

yup. i’ve seen quite a few therapists. i don’t think it’s helped in the long term, and i’m not sure it helped in the short, though there was a time i liked it because i was indulging my self analysis, but that for sure wasn’t helpful. i tried a couple cbt therapists thinking that could be a good way to go, but nothing ever really changed, so it’s hard to tell what’s going wrong- is it the therapy or is it me? idk i just think on the whole it’s got a negative color for me. i still see someone once every few weeks, but it’s a chore. this is really completely against everything i believe about therapy, btw, and i def considered becoming one when i was in university. i do think it’s beneficial, i guess just maybe not to me.

4. What is the longest road trip you’ve ever taken? Did you drive or were you just a passenger? What is your favorite road trip ritual, if you have any (the particular gas station snacks, the car games, the fights over music choices, the rest stops, etc.)?

oh my, well i’ve been on a few road trips in my life, but probably not as many as you americans do. the longest one was probably as a child, when i was about 3 or 4 my parents took us across the states, to the grand canyon (i don’t think we actually got there) in our mustard yellow vw bus. i had to be too small to remember but i definitely do (my dad’s a photographer so the boxes upon boxes of film helps): - sleeping on the ceiling in the bus like on a fucking shelf that stuck out above the driver seats. it was way too cool. - staying in a trailer park and walking over to this little building where there was some scary movie playing that had spinning wheels on fire (i think it was like some 80s horror version of rumpelstiltskin or something). i can literally picture a scene from it, just can’t really describe it. traumatizing. - playing on a beach somewhere (cape cod?) and having something nip at my little toes.

on other trips with friends we’ve shared the driving, but the most recent one from LA to vegas my friend wouldn’t let me touch the rental wheel. he thinks i’m a terrible driver. it was ok tho i got to take pictures instead.

i don’t really have a fave ritual since i don’t do much road “tripping” per se, but since i’ve lived in both toronto and new york i have done a shit ton of driving long distance, and i absolutely love it. my fave thing to do is make sure i have enough show tunes and stand up comedy on the playlist, and even some cds on back up, so i can lose my voice on the drive. usually i have some good ol’ tim horton’s french vanilla and a croissant on the side to keep me going, and if it’s long enough i usually stop somewhere for some french fries and/or a coke to wake up. god i love driving.

5. Which do you find increases more rapidly, your age or your idea of what age is old?

ugh. my age. i don’t feel old but that stupid time nonsense says otherwise. it needs to stop.

6. Do you talk to your animals when no one else is in the room? What do you say to them? Do you talk to animals you see on the street, at zoos, in your yard? How much of a face does an animal have to have to be talk-to-able? (For example, do rodents count? Birds? Fish? Cockroaches? WHERE’S THE LINE)

absolutely. i talk to pretty much fucking everything, animals or otherwise, i don’t care who’s in the room. there is no line. the line does not exist.

7. If they cooked, which dish of your mom’s/dad’s/parental figure is or was your favorite? Which was your least favorite? Do you often cook dishes your parents used to make for you for yourself now, as an adult?

welllllll my parents do cook, but over the years i came to really dislike a lot of my mom’s cooking.. habits, lets say. my dad is great on the bbq, and with all meats, but my mom is usually the organizer and most often the chef. her staples are chicken and brisket, sometimes salmon, in various ways. the problem is i’ve always been a picky eater, and tho my own tastes have branched out, my mom still thinks she needs to cook everything super plain and sometimes it’s kinda gross. like, she’ll make some fancy chicken for everyone else and throw a boneless breast covered in teriyaki sauce in a casserole in the oven for me. it does NOT taste good. but she can make a really great schnitzel, and brisket is hard to do wrong. i don’t make anything for myself the way she does it really, but my eating/cooking habits are all wonky anyway.

8. Do you ever check your voicemail? Do you answer calls from numbers you don’t have programmed into your phone?

i check it if someone left a message, why wouldn’t you? what if it’s an emergency? in fact, my best friend does not. so i guess.. that’s a thing. i for sure do not answer any call that doesn’t show a name that i recognize- even then it’s a stretch. i have to really want/need to talk to you, otherwise it’s gonna be on my terms. my phone and i have a hate-hate relationship.

9. How often do you go to the grocery store? Are you good at it? Do you have any kind of strategy or list prepared beforehand?

i go when i run out of something i wanna eat; my store is right on the corner. i basically just do the curve around the breads/fruits/veggies if i need it, then head to the aisles which i skim from the back where the frozen/refrigerated stuff is, poking in to the aisles i need to grab the shit i’ve run out of. i eat pretty much the same way most of the time so my list is in my head (which is not always a good place, but i try hard. if i forget something i go back for it next time).

10. Do movies frequently make you cry? Do you find you’re more likely to cry in the theater or at home? When people are around or by yourself?

oh hell yes. if they’re good or i’m in a mood. i don’t think it matters much where i am if it’s public or private, the cry will come if the moment is right, and i could give no shits XD

11. Have you ever seen the sun rise? Did you kind of like the weird, slightly chilly liminal space of it, or did you just wish you were still in bed?

yes i have, in so many different contexts. mostly i watch it rise because i stay up That Late most of the time (except this time of year, i haven’t seen it in a good while), wishing my ass was finally in bed going “fuck. there’s the sun again. way to go me.” but i’ve also experienced that first bit. out in the desert after a 16k hike, sweat pouring off my skin and fire burning on the surface, hissing it away. standing on top of an ancient mountain facing the dead sea, limbs aching from climbing it with the sun racing at our backs, trying to get to the top before we missed it rise. ya. sunsets are pretty, too.

so how am i supposed to think of 11 questions?? i hope none of these are from some post i saw one time, i’m gonna try to be original without rambling too much:

1- if you could go back to one major decision you made that impacted the path of your life and change it, would you? what was it? how do you think your life would be different? or don’t answer those second two questions, if you don’t want to.

2- in what direction does your belief lean (like, you don’t have to agree with my description of it, but what fits your image best):

a single/multiple divine power that controls every facet of our existence (or like, any traditional religious worldview), with or without free will?

a harmonious interconnected universal complex that directs matter and energy but is affected by our existence in said universe?

everything is just a series of random events passing through time and everything that happens, everything we do, makes the next thing happen, but it could have happened any other way as well.

do these things make sense? idk try and figure it out.

3- on that topic, what do you think happens when we die? do we go to heaven/hell or some other religious construct? do we have a soul that sticks around? reincarnation? do we just... end, and decompose, and that’s it? what do you really think? are you afraid to find out you were wrong?

4- tell me about a moment in a movie or a show that made you go all tingly inside, like, that really special tingle, and every time you see it you get those feelings again.

5- what’s your go-to method for letting out stress?

6- what are 3 of your favorite words (english or otherwise)? why do you love them? the way they sound? the way they look? what they mean? (i usually would answer this based on sound, kinda like fave color, just a feeling).

7- this isn’t so original but i wanna know- if you could live in any other period of time, in any part of the world, what would it be and why? or would you even? would you if you could choose your station/place in society?

8- is there anything you’ve ever done or ever happened to you that you absolutely never ever could ever tell anyone about? not even your soulmate or someone who would never judge you? if so, does it bother you, or do you have it tucked away in your mind and never think about it?

9- which teen wolf cast member would you get along with best? not who would you like to be in a relationship with, but who do you think you’d have the best relationship with (romantic/platonic/otherwise)? if you don’t think you know any of them well enough... which one would you bone? boooooooooone all night long?

10- do you have a talent/skill that you feel is really underrated or underused by you or others? is there something you’re really proud of but have nobody to brag to about it because nobody you know really cares at all? brag to me.

11- do you think it’s truly possible to be happy if you never have a significant other(s) for the rest of your life? could you ever be?

THAT’S ALL FOLKS. wow i can’t believe i wrote all of that shit and you read it. way to go us. thanks again, clara!

[hereissomestuffiwrote]

2020 Hyundai Elantra

Rental cars are so great- it’s like getting to sidestep your daily driver for a car mistress, or car gigolo. Not that I have any desire to do such a thing, as I’m in a perfectly healthy relationship with an older Volkswagen. But she needed a few days off, and with this virus business I didn’t wanna Uber, so a rental it would have to be. Wanting to save money to put towards the Jetta’s possible costly maintenance, I first checked Turo, which was crazy cheap, but all they had available were a bunch of 2012 Fiat 500s. Fun fact- when my Honda got stolen in 2012 I tried to rent a car from a company through my insurance- all they had available was a then brand new Fiat 500, but they couldn’t let me rent it they said, because it kept breaking down on them. Back in 2012. So no thanks on the same car eight year later. I moved on to Enterprise, and I decided to go with the lowest-priced deal possible, which promised a Mitsubishi Mirage or similar. I’m furloughed at the moment, so this thing would just have to get me home from and then back to my mechanic’s. I could deal with an economy car just for that. 

The plan was to meet the rental agent at the repair shop where I was leaving my car, sign some stuff, and then take off in the Mirage or similar. Wanting to socially isolate as much as possible, I decided to wait in my car until the rental agent and the employee who was driving them back to their office both showed up. First, I saw a brand new Hyundai Elantra with out of state plates and a barcode on the windshield pull into a spot. I figured that was the shuttle back, so I got out of my car, figuring my rental was right behind the Hyundai. And sure enough, moments later a Chevy Sonic pulled up. A Sonic is similar to a Mirage, right? I immediately noticed that the Sonic was absolutely filthy and kinda dented up, which, whatever, I’m renting from the bottom shelf, but also that the driver was an elderly man with no face mask. Huh. Well, okay. “Is that mine?” I cheerfully asked the man, who looked back at me completely bewildered. “No” he said gruffly, and then started taking some boxes out of his back seat. Oh man, should I have upgraded to Compact or Standard? Could Economy really be this bad? But just then- “Excuse me, sir?”, I heard from the direction of the Hyundai, “I’m with Enterprise! We have your car right over here!” It turns out they upgraded me two full vehicle classes- score! So the Elantra was mine, the rental agent’s shuttle was a Chrysler Pacifica that rolled up a few minutes later, and that dirty Sonic was a parts delivery guy. Oops.  

Even though I have a perfectly valid credit card and a perfectly legitimate checking account, when I signed the Enterprise agent’s iPad iFelt like Preston in Blank Check pulling off one of his many bullshit “Mr. Macintosh” transactions. Like, handing over a piece of plastic and scribbling incoherently with my finger on a tablet screen = unlimited access to a brand new motor vehicle? Whaaaat? But it seriously was that easy! Plus, COVID-19 precautions meant my agent just straight up left the keys in the ignition with the car running- one less point of contagion. He was super nice though, and wiped down everything before leaving the car to me. Of course, I pretended that we were both criminals and he was cleaning his fingerprints off a getaway car before handing it over to me for disposal. I also kept thinking about the rental car scene in the awesome buddy-comedy My Fellow Americans in which a little Hyundai is used as a punchline-

Spoiler alert- things go really, really well with the Lexus-

Jesus, what was it with abusing rental cars in 80′s and 90′s comedies? The poor things got less than no respect. 

Insane that twenty-four years later, the two brands really aren’t a whole lot different anymore. Side by side, my brand new Elantra and a Lexus IS don’t even look particularly dissimilar from one another, save for the latter one’s more pronounced gaping O face. Even with a more staid design, the Hyundai certainly doesn’t at all appear notably goofier or cheaper in comparison.

Once inside, the Elantra seemed like a nice enough place. I went to grab a CD out of the Jetta (Yes, like a grandpa I still listen to compact discs in the car, don’t judge) and then realized upon closer inspection that the Elantra didn’t even have a CD slot. Since I couldn’t understand the deal with the satellite radio- it seemed to me like the previous renter had only activated five stations, and they were all Catholic talk radio stations- I just defaulted to my favorite local FM channel. Whenever I’ve been given a rental car in the past, I compulsively have to see how loud the volume on the stereo will go before it starts hurting my ears. And I’m happy to report that the Elantra was capable of boosting “High” by The Cure to an acceptably window-shaking volume. With that important business out of the way, I could see what else was up with this car. It had a sportshift kinda gear box, I guess Hyundai’s is called SHIFTRONIC®. 

I messed around with it, it seemed responsive. Downshifts really did slow the car considerably, and upshifts seemed to make it go faster, but I don’t know, my foot was also on the gas, so maybe it was just a placebo effect? Either way, I’m a big fan of manumatics- it’s always good to look down and see the little S and the plus/minus. It’s a welcome bonus touch, like when a deli sandwich comes with a pickle. Even if you’re never going to want or use that pickle, it’s just nice someone made the effort.

Next, I needed to push this “Drive Mode” button and see what that did. Sadly, hitting it did not cause toothpicks to dispense from the sun visor and “Nightcall” by Kavinsky to boom over the sound system, lame. But, instead, it pulled up this dope TRON-esque graphic of the Elantra on the touch screen-

I just love it when digital renderings of cars appear on their dash screens. Second only to visual equalizers, they’re my favorite completely unnecessary yet supremely cool thing that a display can offer me. The fun cartoon in the Elantra explained that I had the choice of three modes- Smart, Normal and Sport. The Catholic talk radio renter had been driving it in Normal, no surprise there. I was on the highway at this point, so I decided to get crazy and punch it into Sport. And believe it or not, it made a huge difference! I once drove a Mini Cooper S with a manual, and while Elantra Sport Mode certainly wasn’t that vivacious, it was much, much more fun than Elantra Normal or Elantra Smart. Okay, full disclosure- I didn’t even bother to check out Elantra Smart- I spent too many years driving a Prius to care to see what the “nerd setting” felt like- I can imagine vividly, thanks. 

It wasn’t until I arrived home that I even bothered to see what the key situation was. Like I said, they were theoretically in it, as the engine was on, but not until pulling up near my house did I think to make sure that they were actually in the car. They were though, dangling from an ignition cylinder the way car keys are supposed to. I myself hate proximity fobs, push starts and such- they make me feel too disconnected. I have too many years of the muscle memory of my fingers gripping a physical car key, turning it, and feeling the vibration of the engine starting to ever get used to anything else. To me, that sensation also turns a key in my brain, and once that’s turned, it is like “Okay, we’re operating a car now, pay attention”. Without that ritual, I can’t focus on my driving quite the same way. I would imagine it would be similarly disorienting if suddenly all cigarettes just came magically lit right out of the pack, long time smokers would say “What the hell? I enjoy the act of flicking my Zippo, that’s part of the whole thing!” You know? Lucky for me, the Hyundai had keys-keys, albeit surprisingly budget looking ones-

My friend’s mom had a 2004 Elantra that he’d borrow and I’m fairly certain the keys for that thing looked almost identical. A quick Google search proved me right.

C’mon Hyundai! This thing was a two-thousand and twenty! And it wasn’t even the base model. Not even a switchblade? Or a buttons-built-into-the-top-of-the-key type deal? Nope. Key and separate fob, 1995 style. Oh well. Since I’m on furlough at the moment, I didn’t really have anywhere I needed to go, so I just left the Hyundai to sit until the Jetta was ready. When I got word that the VW was all put back together, I headed back into the countryside in the Elantra.  

Enhance! It’s hard to tell, but that’s a genuine Passat W8 all-wheel-drive wagon in front of me. 

When I got closer, I noticed that it was full of yard work equipment, and getting pretty beat looking. Sitting behind it at a red light, I noticed the two young guys in it were rocking out to music. It was warm out that day, so since we both had our windows down I could immediately recognize Kid Rock’s “Cowboy” slapping through the Passat’s Monsoon speakers. The two guys nodded along with it enthusiastically for a few moments before starting to laugh and changing tracks on either a mix CD or a Spotify playlist or whatever. Ohhhh, they were rocking out to it ironically. The plot thickened. If it was a mix CD, were they driving a borrowed car and laughing at someone’s taste, as my friends and I did when we commandeered a dad’s Lincoln LS and found “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins deep within the trunk mounted CD changer? Or were they a couple of Gen Zs cycling archaeologically through a Woodstock ‘99 playlist on a streaming device of some sort? I’ll never know. Anyway, bawitda-back to my story about the Elantra. I had to put a bank-busting $3.12 worth of gas into it so that it would have a full tank before dumping the keys into my mechanic’s after hours slot and happily reclaiming the Jetta. Not that there was anything wrong with the Elantra- as has been stated endlessly elsewhere, it’s truly amazing how far Hyundai has come over the last twenty or so years. I guess the rental company wasn’t as enthusiastic about the little car’s innovations or maybe they were just used to them, as I got a call from my mechanic a few days later telling me it still hadn’t been picked up. I called the rental people who assured me they would be coming to grab it, they had just been busy. Since my mechanic has plenty of land, and since my credit card had stopped being charged, I left the situation at that. I’ve heard nothing further, so for all I know the car either got collected or it’s still just sitting out there in the fields, now in use as the nicest chicken coop in all of the Amish Country. If that’s the case, those chickens are in for a real treat! Hopefully they’ll have more luck figuring out the satellite radio than I did.  

[danaearevalo-blog]

Greatest Works 2016-- Goodreads Selection Awards.

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