#only notable thing ive done was clean a part of my room today

[qumiiiquinnquin]

feeling empty. like theres a large missing gap in my stomach

constant feeling like i will cry but nothing happens 

back to hardly eating and drinking after a few days of eating a lot

feeling sick and like ill throw up in the morning

struggle to stand up or leave my room or get out of bed

past week or two when i hold a 🔪 i come very close to cvtting my wrists and committing

believing im hated by everyone everywhere so i hardly talk to anyone

believing every single thing is my fault

believing im annoying everyone by talking freely so starting to force myself to talk only when im directly addressed and only saying what they want to hear

both windows have been closed and locked the last three or so nights due to fear of a break-in and abduction or being four letter r worded

believing i was born only for others desires

believing i deserve to be four letter r worded

dont think ive suffered enough to deserve feeling like this

know that others have it worse so i try to force myself into the mindset that my life was and is completely fine and im faking having trauma and being depressed

thought about chking myself the other day

little things make me want to breakdown or scream

lying to everyone and saying im ok and everything is ok. forcing myself to bottle everything and put on a smile

doing nothing the past few weeks and wasting the days away 

medication is not working

back to family being frustrated at me when i display symptoms of mental illness and not being afraid to show it

feeling only days away from trying again after my last attempt almost 2 years ago

[thithesandofferings]

Gym...Date Raian x Reader

TW: 18+ MINORS DO NOT ENTER

Semi-public sex, Rough- (but is anyone surprised-) Scent kink, spit kink - hes just nasty and we love him for it. 

It wasnt often when you would accompany Raian to workout, but today you felt a spark that you needed to. You did skip a few workout days yourself and its been awhile since you felt that satisfying soreness post workout. You and Raian both had a love for working out and thusly transformed your own gym in one of the downstairs rooms. Throwing your phone on the bed you quickly changed into some short and a sports bra and went down to meet him. When you got there Raian was already starting his routine so you decided to start on your warm ups seeing how he didnt wait for you. Simple stretches is what you decided to begin with before some cardio. 

Your eyes glanced to where Raian was, he looked so focus while he worked out. It was a side to him you hardly saw and it was actually quite refreshing. He seemed so in tuned with every raise of the dumbbell, releasing air whenever it went back down. He truly loved the sport he did, regardless of how dangerous it was. Well he might be more dangerous than the sport itself. You found yourself giggling to yourself, which caught his attention. His eyes met with yours, he smirked, knowing well you were staring at him for some time, causing you to almost choke on your own spit. 

You quickly turned and continued on with your stretches. Slowly raising your hands above your head you stretch and then just as slowly bend over to touch your toes. You repeated that process until you heard a heavy object fall to the ground. You paused mid stretch to look back and saw Raian picking up the dumb bell he apparently let dropped. You stare at him confused. 

"H-how did you manage to-" 

"Shit happens OK!" 

".....ok..." After dragging your eyes from him for at least a minute you finally get into your routine. This one was by far one of the hardest ones you could have picked. It literally worked out your arm, legs, back, glutes and thighs. You finally had a 2 minute break and you so happen to meet eyes with Raians again. He looked done with his routine so he was just sitting on the bench motioning for you to come over by him. "..huh?...but im not don-" 

He raised an eyebrow .

"...Raian please...im almost done-" 

"Y/N if I ask a third time you'll regret it" 

With that you instantly go to his side. You go to sit next to him but he grabs your waist pulling you into his lap. 

"Noooo im sweatyy" 

"So" 

"So?? I dont wanna-" your words got caught off, feeling something wet along your back. 

 "Just as i thought...you taste delicious" he said dragging another wipe across your arm now. He pinned you tightly against his lap and pulled you back even further. He then made his way to the crook of your neck, he kissed up your nape to the bottom of your ear. Slowly licking and nipping, licking and nipping at your wet skin

 "R-raian...please...atleast let me...shower first" 

His grip tightened as he growled into your ear. 

"You see...ive been watching you all that time...ive been finished with my workout from long old time and i couldnt help but observe my little kitten busy with hers." He breathed in your ear. His breath was hot...hot and dripping in want and need. His voice also seemed to crack a bit which was a sign he was really...really ready to break...or well to break you.

 "But...i...F-FUCK.." He slipped a hand between your leg. At this point you wasnt sure if it was sweat or arousal but your will to care was slowly leaving you. His thumb began running circles up and down your clothed folds, increasingly picking up speed as he continued. 

 "I bet this tastes even better huh?...you dont know how bad i wanted to bend you over this bench whiles you did your stretches...made it hard for me to concentrate on my own fucking exercise." 

He bit down on your shoulder and then licked around it. "- but you knew what you was doing...right kitty? Thats why you wanted to come work out with me here" 

"N-n...no..i..i didnt"

 "Dont lie to me kitty...what other reason did you have then?" He made use of his other hand, grabbing both breasts at once and squeezing. He always knew the exact location of your nipple and wasted no time in kneading them.

 ".....i..i..just-HHHHNNNGG_i..." 

"Speak up kitty...i cant understand a word you're saying" he smirked behind you. At this point his erection was more than visible and even more so notable as you sat on him. The heat alone coming from off of it was enough to make you whimper and try to ground down on him for some type of friction. ANYTHING! 

He stilled his hand from between your legs and grabbed your head back by your hair. Skillfully wrapping them twice around his hand in once quick fluid motion of his wrist. 

"Now now kitty, are you that fucking desperate for my cock? Tryna grind down this naughty ass on me like that...no no kitty...you gotta earn it first." You could only whimper and whine as his grip tightened in your hair. 

You struggle to even swallow the spit accumulating in your mouth, yet right now only one thing was on your mind. "What color kitty?" 

"..g-green..." 

"Good girl" he smiled before crashing his lips into yours. It took little to no time for you to allow him into your mouth. His tongue quickly taking over your senses as he literally kissed you breathless. His hand flew down into your shorts and swiped up your folds before parting them, causing you to break the kiss. He took advantage of this moment by quickly removing his fingers and placed two of his large digits into your gapping mouth. "Suck it clean kitty...and then i'll clean up the rest downstairs" 

The moan you let out around his fingers was by far the most shameful thing you ever heard but then again you didnt care much. You notice the way his eyes closed as soon as he felt your tongue wrap around his fingers. The wet lapping motion you did with his tongue was enough to drag out a throaty moan from him which even caused him twitch. 

"FUCK...you're so good with that tongue kitty...so..so fucking good" he pulled and pushed his fingers in your mouth, basically face fucking you with his hands. At the last pull you sucked on his fingers and did a small bite as he popped out of your mouth. When he opened his eyes all you saw staring back at you was dark black irises. Oh shit. Without a word he lifted you up and threw you over his shoulder and started off towards the stairs. 

"You caused this on your self kitty" he said smacking your already sore ass. 

"I just wanted to work out...its been so long since i was sore from a workout"

 "If you wanted to be sore from a workout....you only needed to ask...i'll make sure you're fucking sore alright. Really fucking sore"

-Krissy