bobbylexx

[woodsy-hoe]

it’s funny bc the nurses say they could never do my job and vice versa; kinda glad i dropped out of nursing school tbh i love being a teacher so much more🤷🏻‍♀️

[memxntomxri]

𝒫𝑜𝓅𝓅𝒾𝑒𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒫𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒾𝑒𝓈

ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ | ʜᴏᴍᴇ

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 - past!sawamura daichi x sugawara koushi, sawamura daichi x kuroo tetsurou

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 - angst

𝘥𝘦𝘴𝘤 - and now, in the aftermath, all koushi can smell is poppies and peonies, drowning him in their scent

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 - 2.1k

𝘵𝘸 - major character de@th, implied h0mophobia, hanahaki disease, no happy ending, break-up, sam misusing taylor swift songs, so much angst

𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦𝘴 - this is the result of a lot of inspiration screaming in a Discord server. thanks emmy (Noisy_Emmy on ao3), lou (LouEve_094 on ao3) and lena 🤍 also like alskejfljlvkjlkwejkj taylor and daisuga angst together???

also daichi is horrible here but he isn't actually like that istg. i just needed him to be asshole-ish for maximum angst purposes. the timeline's also weird af but i gave up halfway through trying to make it logical lol.

song lyrics credit to august by our queen taylor swift!

⋆┈���｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆

salt air and the rust on your door

I never needed anything more

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have seen the signs.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

When they met in first year, the first thing that Koushi had noticed had been Daichi's warm smile. It was reassuring and steadfast, like someone reaching out and telling Koushi "I'm here." And when they stood together on court, Koushi felt invincible, because Daichi was there, a silent pillar that pushed him up, up, upwards.

It was all too easy to fall. Daichi was reassuring, always there, attractive, kind, and before Koushi knew it, he was in love.

He kept it to himself at first, of course. Koushi didn't even know if Daichi swung his way. And, well, he was just... scared. Scared to lose the friendship they had built. Scared to lose their dynamic on the court. Scared to, ultimately, lose Daichi.

whispers of "are you sure?"

"never have i ever before"

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have never dived off that cliff.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

During summer break in their third year, after they had beat Shiratorizawa and were preparing to go to Nationals, Koushi dropped by Daichi's house often. It was natural, of course. They were "best friends", after all, even though one was hopelessly in love with the other.

Longing stares became lingering touches became staying over became-

"I really like you, Daichi."

"Mmhm."

A soft, tentative kiss.

"Are you sure about this, Suga?"

"Yes, Daichi. Stop being such a worrywart."

Foreheads pressed together.

"I'm sure about you."

Soft, soft enough that Koushi's ears don't pick up on it, "But I'm not sure about you."

but I can see us lost in the memory

august slipped away into a moment in time

'cause it was never mine

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have let go.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

They were happy together. It was like being best friends, but with kisses and cuddles and more. Koushi didn't know when he had ever been this happy. The memories were like gilded gold to him, things he never wanted to let go of. He was giddy every time he remembered that Daichi's soft smiles, fond in their demeanor, were for him.

Even if his eyes were a little distant at times.

and I can see us twisted in bedsheets

august sipped away like a bottle of wine

'cause you were never mine

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have known better.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

One night, when they were curled up together in Daichi's bedroom, AC whirring and a few cans of cheap beer left forgotten and discarded by Daichi's bed, sated and content, Koushi's tongue slipped.

"I love you, Daichi."

A sleepy murmur.

He didn't feel the man against his back stiffening.

"O-Oh, okay, Suga."

Even after all that they had done, he was still Suga, never Koushi.

Daichi was probably just shy.

If he had known that this would be the beginning of the end, Koushi would have never let himself be so careless.

your back, beneath the sun

wishing I could write my name on it

will you call when you’re back at school?

I remember thinking I had you

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have been more careful.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

When they returned to school, Daichi acted like everything was like it had been before summer break. Koushi was confused, but it was surely only Daichi trying to protect them. They still lived in the Japanese countryside, after all.

And it wasn’t as if Daichi stopped seeing him or anything! It was just… less time together. But they were third years trying to win Nationals, it was natural for this to happen.

but I can see us lost in the memory

august slipped away into a moment in time

‘cause it was never mine

and I can see us twisted in bedsheets

august sipped away like a bottle of wine

‘cause you were never mine

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have stood up for himself.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Quick makeout sessions in the clubroom, some heavy petting, a brush of pinkies against each other in the hallway - that was all that Koushi had left of the Daichi he had known in the summer.

A soft smile.

Undivided attention.

A warm embrace.

Oh, how he longed for them now.

back when we were still changing for the better

wanting was enough

for me it was enough

to live for the hope of it all

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have run.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Daichi was pulling away, but Koushi convinced himself that he wasn't. Sure, in the deepest, darkest parts of him, he knew that he was losing the dark-haired man, but Koushi forced himself to stay in the moment. Daichi was probably just stressed out from studying and the responsibility of being a captain, right?

After all, Koushi loved Daichi, and Daichi… well, even if Daichi didn’t exactly love him yet, he still cared for him. Deeply.

Right?

cancel plans just in case you’d call

and say “meet me behind the mall”

so much for summer love and saying “us”

‘cause you weren’t mine to lose

you weren’t mine to lose

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have seen the warning signs.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Koushi sat on the bench, fingers anxiously drumming on his thigh. He was in the park behind the mall they went to every Saturday together to get food and window shop. (Well, Koushi shopped, Daichi gave opinions.) Where was Daichi? Koushi had flaked on a family outing with his cousins who were visiting from Kanto so that they could spend time together, but Daichi was nowhere to be found.

Koushi checked his phone again. It was already 1PM, and his last sent text, left on read at 11:30AM, glared back at him.

Slowly, Koushi picked himself up from his seat. It was fine, something had probably just come up.

Three hours later, his phone pinged. Koushi lunged for the device, nearly knocking his desk lamp over.

Daichi 💗: hey suga, sorry for not making it.

No explanation, just a halfhearted apology.

Koushi set his phone back down.

but I can see us lost in the memory

august slipped away into a moment in time

‘cause it was never mine

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have never left his house that day.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Koushi skipped up Daichi’s driveway, intent on spending some time with him that afternoon. He knocked twice, face lighting up when Daichi opened the door, looking adorable in his casual clothes.

“O-oh, uh, Suga - what do you need?” He seemed nervous.

Koushi frowned. “Daichi, I sent you a text half an hour ago saying I was coming over. Did you not get it?”

“Oh, yeah - I-” Daichi mumbled.

Someone came up behind him, slinging an arm over his shoulders. It was the rooster-headed captain from Nekoma. Koushi’s frown deepened. Why was he here and why was he touching Daichi like that?

“Oh! Vice captain-san! Daichi didn’t mention you would be coming over!” he greeted.

Koushi’s heart stuttered. Of course. It all made sense. The stares that went on for a little too long, the lingering handshakes, the too-friendly competition. The only thing he was still confused about was where he fit into the entire thing. He bowed stiffly. “Kuroo-san. Um, Daichi…” he turned to him. “Can I talk with you for a bit?”

Daichi nodded, and he turned to Kuroo. “Just keep playing the movie, I’ll be back soon.”

He followed Koushi down the road, silence falling between the two who had always had something to laugh about together.

Koushi licked his lips nervously. “D-Did we ever mean anything?” he asked softly.

Daichi sighed. “We never were something, Suga.”

“W-what?” Koushi couldn’t find it himself to say anything else.

Daichi exhaled, long and low. “Suga, we were a fun distraction,” hairline fractures in his heart, “for a bit, but it was never something serious.”

Chips began flaking off.

“B-but I love you!” Emphatic and frantic, trying to make Daichi understand.

Another sigh, this one a little frustrated. “I don’t know what this is, but it isn’t love, Suga. You need to open your eyes.”

Koushi stopped in the middle of the road.

“So this is it, huh?” he said, his heart finally breaking into shattered fragments.

“Yeah. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” and with that, Daichi walked away.

The flowers came that night, red and pink, like the blood that stained them.

and I can see us twisted in bedsheets

august sipped away like a bottle of wine

‘cause you were never mine

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi should have guarded his heart better.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Koushi deteriorated fast.

Within a week, he could no longer play volleyball.

Within two, his mother had found out.

Within two and a half, he had refused the surgery, a legal adult now.

Koushi would not lose his ability to love, even if it killed him.

Within a month, he was in the hospital.

but do you remember?

remember when I pulled up and said "get in the car"

and then canceled my plans just in case you'd call?

back when I was living for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all

"meet me behind the mall"

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi’s last days were placid.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

The memories were painful to look back on, of course. But at the same time, Koushi recalled their moments together fondly. Even if it had ended in an inferno with his heart as collateral damage, his time with Daichi had also been the warmest sunlight.

He knew he was going to die. Everyone around him was confused as to why he didn’t just let them cut out the roots in his lungs, and along with them his ability to love, but they didn’t know what it felt like to be in love, rushing down the path, breathless, overjoyed, free.

Koushi would die before he let that feeling slip away from him, bittersweet as it was.

His flowers were poppies and peonies. Death, love and honor, he mused. Fitting, for his and Daichi’s story. Death was imminent, love was unrequited, and Daichi had turned out to be a man of dishonor, abandoning him.

Koushi supposed that Daichi would get what he “deserved” one day, too, even though his heart hurt for the man, still caring about the brunette even though he had stomped on his heart. He’d noticed how Kuroo looked at Nekoma’s setter, and he knew that like him, Daichi would only ever be a replacement.

It was heartbreakingly intriguing how fate came around back to itself.

remember when I pulled up and said "get in the car"

and then canceled my plans just in case you'd call?

back when I was living for the hope of it all

for the hope of it all

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi still had something to say.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was interrupted as the sound of the opening of his hospital door filled the room.

Daichi stepped through, and the fragments of Koushi’s heart skipped a little.

“Suga.” he greeted, seemingly uncomfortable. After all, what were you supposed to say to your ex-nothing who you were currently killing slowly, even if it was involuntary?

“Daichi.”

“U-um… How have you been?” he asked.

“As well as can be expected, I suppose.” Koushi replied wearily. Breathing had become a labor in and of itself, and he was having oxygen pumped into his failing lungs. “Why are you here?” he deadpanned.

Daichi at least had the wherewithal to look ashamed. “I came to apologize. I did you wrong, Suga. Please just get the surgery. You’re still my best friend-”

“Stop.” Koushi held a hand up weakly. “You broke my heart, Daichi. These are the consequences, and I’m not going to forgive you just to assuage your guilt. You can’t expect sorry to fix everything.” Daichi’s face revealed a storm of emotions.

Koushi sighed. “Please just go…” he mumbled quietly.

Daichi nodded, and as fast as he had arrived, he was gone.

Those were the last words Koushi ever spoke to anyone.

for the hope of it all,

for the hope of it all

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

Looking back, Koushi was at peace.

*＊✿❀　❀✿＊*

“Sugawara Koushi, age 18, died of suffocation from roots in his lungs on August 13th, 2012 at 22:08. The cause of death was Hanahaki disease, and it seems like his affliction was sped along by a visitation by its subject, and Sugawara-san was struck with a violent attack. Resuscitation efforts were unsuccessful.”

- Excerpt from the notes of Dr. Hayato Ayame

Finally, in death, Koushi was letting go.

⋆┈┈｡ﾟ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ❁ུ۪ ❃ུ۪ ❀ུ۪ ﾟ｡┈┈⋆

© ʙᴇᴛʜ���ʏᴅᴏᴄʀɪᴍᴇᴡʀɪᴛᴇꜱ 2021 - ᴘʟᴇᴀꜱᴇ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ ᴏʀ ʀᴇᴘᴏꜱᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜᴏᴜᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ

[heavenofficialsbl]

H.O.B. Chapter 12 part ii

Chapter 12 part ii: A Ghost in Red Sets Fire Upon The Military and Civil Temples part ii

I’m sorry this has taken me so long to write! I’m trying to get my sleep schedule back on track and that means I put myself to bed earlier (I usually write these before bed). Oh well, maybe I’ll get better with my time management as I do more of these. ALSO: if anyone is interested, I have an HOB discord for anyone that would like to join. Please shoot me a DM for the link <3

ALSO ALSO: Thank you guys so much for 500 followers! You make me so happy UwU <3 I didn’t think there would be this many people interested in HOB since it’s still so early into the translation, and it seems that the English speaking fandom is rather small right now, so it makes me really happy to see all of you guys enjoying the content!

Let’s get started!

OH BOY, I forgot that we had just gotten Hua Cheng’s name! I don’t know if XL is familiar with him or his name at all, but we’ll see...

Alright so Hua Cheng is translated to... Well it’s directly translated to ‘flower city’ which cracks me up. I have a feeling that this is going to somehow be connected to Xie Lian also being known as the “Flower crown Prince”. It’s funny how he had such a gentle and kind memory of HC leading him through the forest, while everyone else is on edge just at the mention of him

Daww, XL is part of the Four Famous Tales <3 That’s somehow very comforting/pleasing to hear. Even though he ended up being cast out from Heaven, he at least had some positive stories told about him

It does seem a bit odd that he hadn’t heard of these Four Great Calamities, though maybe it’s just for story-telling purposes so we can hear them explained

Oh please don’t tell me that XL is the White Clothed Calamity D: HC has to be the Bloody Rain Reaching Towards a Flower (that’s even the name of the first arc that we’re in ohoho). I’m also guessing that the Green Light Wandering Nights guy is the one who hangs corpses in the forest?

Mmmmm then maybe the White-Clothed Calamity isn’t XL, if they’re those that became ghosts

Ohhh interesting... I thought that the demon realm would be separate from the mortal realm like the Heavens are. I guess that just comes from being used to the idea of Hell though. That’s very discomforting though, as a human in this world, to know that all of the worlds demons and ghosts just live among you

Oh, I was right about something! So it is Green Ghost Qi Rong

The water demon doesn’t make hardly any trouble and still is listed first, while mister GG causes mayhem all the time and isn’t even Devastation level. People really do love having things that match lol they probably did just add him to make it 4

The White Clothed Calamity isn’t XL, but he seems painfully familiar with the name. It seems that this demon is the one who wiped out his own kingdom 800 years ago. I can imagine how painful it must be for him to hear that name. I wonder if he was extinguished right after/soon after he destroyed Xian Le kingdom, or if he died later on  

Deathly Spirit Butterflies: cool as hell name 

“Wan’t to provoke the least”: note, not the one the Heavens “hate the most” or the one that Heaven “considers the strongest”, but the one that they “don’t want to provoke”. I don’t know if this is a literal translation or if it was just written this way to keep the flow of the story, but to think that the Heavens are wary of HC and consider him such a great threat that they, instead of trying to destroy him, are instead actively avoiding him/trying not to give him a reason to turn on them... I think that says a lot

For XL to be as famous and Jun Wu but forced to be a scrap collector for 800 years while the other lives in luxury... oof

If one wanted to get to know a Heavens’ Official, they’d only need to take a walk, find a temple to visit, examine the god’s statue, study how they dressed, and what kind of enchanted weaponry they carried. With that, one could understand them to a certain extent

Except for the fact that we’ve explored how these thing change depending on the artist of the statue and the popularity of the Official... Artistic liberty and such

Do they think his name is fake because of how little it fits him? As for his appearance, people can lost of different personalities. I wouldn’t put it past him to change his appearance either, as he seems to be quite powerful.

Where can I get me a man who is always accompanied by blood rain and butterflies?

Of the stories that are given, I think he’s gonna beeeee probably a mixture of all four actually

OoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO oh yeah okay I have thought’s and ideas after reading that he became an official and left on his own okay yes please lets just say #heavypining

“Even if it was true, it still had to be false” xD So thats what those in Heaven find embarrassing? Interesting

Alright, so we find out that even demons/ghosts can have worshipers. We also learn that HC is probably Loki in disguise

It was almost at the point where he had enough power to cover the skies with just a single hand.

I can see why the Heavens are cautious of him. I hadn’t realized that he also had such a large following that was comparable to the Heavenly Officials’ following

He had just come out of a volcano, but that’s not important~

Okay, time to do a bit of research on poison and why it made him so formidable

*insert jeopardy theme here*

Alright so what I’m seeing about Gu is that it’s a traditional CHinese poison made by sealing several venomous creatures in a container, like snakes, spiders, and scorpions, etc., and letting them eat each other, and thus condensing the venom inside one body. It was used for things like causing disease and death, but also could possibly be used as a love charm...? this os from wikipedia:

"For centuries, the Miao, particularly Miao women", writes Schein (2000:50-51), "have been feared for their mastery of the so-called gu poison, which is said to inflict death from a distance with excruciating slowness."

Let’s go back a bit, shall we?

“...sometimes a temperamental and disagreeable teenager, sometimes a gentle, kind and elegant beautiful man, or sometimes a gorgeous female ghost with a poisonous heart.”   

These things have really got me thinking now. I can’t stop reading about the poison GAH it’s so interesting!

I was confused with the wording of the sentence, “It was not a city where everyone raises Gu...” because why would someone RAISE poison? But now it makes sense, as the Gu, or Ku, is the survivor of that venomous buffet. When raised for a long time, it would continue to grown more venomous/poisonous

Oh. OH. Hua Cheng wasn’t studying Gu or making Gu, he IS Gu. Shit.

Okay he has to be Loki in disguise. To be a strong warrior and a competent scholar? Jeeze, he sounds like he really does have a lot of facets to his personality. To win in debates, you need to know when to yield and when to push. It makes me think of how when fishing, you need to sometimes let the fish swim away, but by doing that, you’re more likely to catch the fish in the end

Oh my god Hua Cheng offered his own ashes if he lost the bet, but he knew he would win xD When it says that he “openly invited” the 35 Officials, I wonder if he invited them by name, or if he just asked for 35 random Officials. I bet they were ones that were, at some point, cruel to XL huehuehue

And which 2 Officials thought he might actually defeat them? It says only 33 thought there wasn’t any chance, but that leaves two who thought he did have a chance. It seems like they didn’t participate, since it says that 33 lost the bet. I have a feeeeeeeeeling thats its XL’s two generals, because why wouldn’t it be? We need more circles withing circles, right?

In any case, people were very forgetful, in another fifty years, perhaps no one would remember it.

HAHAHA good luck with that

I can see why they don’t want to deal with him: he’s strong, cunning, and unpredictable. I doubt the Officials every get their temples burned (at least, it probably happens very, very rarely) so why would they think that HC would target the temples? They were left totally open and unguarded. What a smart cookie

I also like that he didn’t go after the two who decided not to fight him. I think that shows that he is, in a way, reasonable. He could have easily burned theirs as well, but they didn’t accept his challenge or his bet, so he left them alone.

Oh and it’s not just 33 temples, it’s all of the temples of all 33 Officials. Hoo boy, Hua Cheng, hoo boy

Jun Wu is right: don’t agree to something with such high stakes and then cry when it turns against you

Hua Cheng had also been very crafty, he only destroyed the temples and did not harm anyone.

A. GOOD. COOKIE.

Wait wait wait wait they can GO INTO PEOPLES DREAMS?! DUDE. They went into the dreams of such influential people and then lost so horribly RIP HEAVEN OFFICIALS WHO’S ARROGANT NOW BISH

So from everything that I’m reading about HC here, it seems that, and excuse me for bringing up Thor again, he doesn’t seek war, but is always prepared for it. He doesn’t openly attack people, but he’s certainly ready to fight if he needs to or feels threatened

Aaaaaaaaaaaand now a lot of them respect him. It must be such a weird dynamic between HC and the Officials: they’re Heavenly Officials for... heavens sake, and he is someone who, at least according to rumor at this point, had denounced his title as an Official and then became even stronger than many of the still current Officials. The more I read this, the more I understand why they can’t stand him. I think it’s not so much that they despise him like the 4 Clans despise WWX and want him dead, but more that they just want nothing to do with him, and are content with just staying away from him

Oh I totally saw that coming, that Mu Qing and Feng Xin were the two smart ones (or maybe they were just super uninterested) that didn’t bother with fighting HC

Op yep, it seems it was a bit of both haha they were busy and just didn’t want to bother. I wonder what their encounters were outside of the bet, since it says that they fought HC multiple times

Tadaaaahhhh- Our Highness the Crown Prince Xie Lian is totally smitten with those damn butterflies. I want to know what they do, or how HC uses them for the others to fear them that much. It says they cause “frantic devastation” so I want to see how they work

WEll I’m so glad that we’re finally getting some actual information on HC (I wasn’t expecting this much information this soon!). WE definitely still don’t know everything about him, so I can’t make a really good guess on what his personality is or anything about his character/morality, but he seems to be smart and reasonable to an extent.

Well, thanks for reading guys! See you hopefully in a few days when I get to chapter 13!

-Bee

[cloudywithachanceofvengence]

I was asked to answer all 99 gayish asks, and I never get asked to do these so I'm gonna do em all. Here you go :)

1. How tall are you? 5'10

2. What is your body type? Athletic/muscular

3. What is your favorite thing about your body? Legs/butt

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color? No but close

5. are you more outgoing or more shy? Shy

6. are you more femme or butch? Femme

7. Are you tol or smol? Tol

8. wine mom or vodka aunt? Vodka aunt but lately a beer dad

9. Weird habits? Sometimes i talk to myself

10. favorite meme? Anything spongebob

11. do you sing in the shower? Sometimes

12. Ever use a bow and arrow? Yes

13. are/were you a theatre kid? No

14. Have you ever seen a Broadway musical? No

15. do you think musicals are cheesy? A lil

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card? Not my fave but for some reason the only one I can think of is "pixelated bukake"

16. Have you ever been part of a protest or March? Not yet

18. Last movie you watched? Solo: a star wars story

19. behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

20. Favorite TV show? Sense8/parks and rec

21. meaning behind your url? Uhm basically I was being emo and depressed and came up with it

22. Reason you joined tumblr? My sister told me to get it

23. Closest tumblr friend? Probably cheerswitches

24. what’s something most people love that you hate? Men's sports 🤷🏼‍♀️

25. Have you ever taken narcotics? Yes

26. Have you had sex? No

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? Yes 😂

28. What's the worst/funniest lie you've ever told? That I'm straight

29. describe your passion without mentioning it. Run, kick, score, win, celebrate

30. Describe your best friend. Independent, goofy, cant make a joke, passionate, beautiful ambitious, intelligent

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows. Idk my twin knows everything about me

32. How do you feel right now? Sleepy but good :)

33. What's your biggest fear? Turning into my mother or not living a happy life

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? What's up by non 4 blondes

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far? Taking time off school to focus on my mental health

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end? Uhm that's my life

37. something you fantasize about. Being in a happy, healthy relationship

38. Last time you cried and why. I think I was drunk and lonely

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh? My friend making a joke ab bring gay

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yeah :/

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? My twin

42. the last time you felt broken? Idk it's been a while

43. are you starting to realize anything? That I'm gonna be happy and that things will workout how they're supposed to

44. are you more dominant or more submissive? Probably submissive personality wise.Sexually, well, you'll have to find out for yourself ;)

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank) if you respect me

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older? Same age

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail. Myself

48. do you have any kinks? 🙈🙈🙈

49. first thing you notice in a person? Their smile, sense of humor, if they're kind

50. how can someone win your heart? Sing to me

51. been rejected by a crush? Oof yea

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back? 🙃🙃🙃

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? No lol

54. is trust a big issue for you? Yes

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently? I dont like anyone atm thank god

56. is confidence cute? Yessssss

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? I'd probably pretend it didnt bother me but go home and cry about it later lol

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Hell no

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do? I'm tryna love myself

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? Ugh only all the time

61. do you want to get married? Idk maybe

62. worst thing you’ve ever done? Pass 😅

63. three things that turn you on. Biting, scratching, grinding

64. who do you hate? I dont waste the energy to hate anyone

65. favorite term of endearment? Probably something mean like dork or idiot lol

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Alycia debnam-carey

67. intimidating girls or kind girls? Both 😍

68. what do you look for in a possible partner? Kindness, fun, adventurous, goofy, can have good conversations, respectful, generous, bold

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls? Feminine

70. are you good at flirting? Fuck no 😂

71. Who was the first person you came out to? I think it was my best friend from college. Or my sister I cant remember

72. do you have any friends who are wlw? Push me to the edge, all my friends are gay. But seriously all my friends are gay. The gay population in Cleveland is staggering

73. Is your crush wlw? Dont have a crush

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality? Every man I ever have the displeasure of speaking to

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self? "I love me, bitch. I ain't ever gonna stop loving me, biiiiitch"

76. do you fall in love easily? Definitely not

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about? Yea lol

78. are you good at hiding your feelings? I'm so bad at it

79. are you a forgiving person? Yes but sometimes I shouldn't be

80. what is your “type?” brunettes, femme athletic girls. Confident but also goofy

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Both but preferably her fall asleep in mine

82. Tall or short girls? I'm not picky :)

83. hugs or kisses? I love a good hug

84. twirl her around or get twirled? Hmm guess it depends on who I'm with

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses? Oof do either and I'm yours

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses? Neeeck 🤤

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy? I wouldn't know lmao

88. making out or soft kisses? Never had a soft kiss so makeout

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist? Around the neck

90. how confident are you in your sexuality? Not a lot but getting better

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? I blush at everything I look like a tomato. And it's more like butterflies on fire

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them? Yes and yes and it ended horribly

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls? Just after my 21st birthday

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Yikes honestly it could be anything bc I'm so awkward

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon? Clexa 🤩

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality? "I don't care what you do or who you do it with but homosexuality is a disease on society."

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? About 7 months ago :/

98. what is love to you? Commitment and compromise. Understanding the other person and when you dont try to see where the other is coming from. Being friends, enjoying the others company and not having to talk or say anything. You want to be a better person bc of them. Growing and learning together

[ais-n]

So what ideas did you have for Boyd in Fade regarding human experimentation? What were you willing to put him through? Also, would you be willing to go into detail on what happened to Boyd while he was with by Janus? I always wonder about the details and I love reading your answers regarding them. Thanks ais!

Something of an answer is below but I might someday be more specific. I ended up rambling quite a lot on a bit of a tangent, so I’m putting this behind a cut.

WARNING! Some vague spoilers are below. But mostly I talk about some aspects of human experimentation from WWII. Don’t read this post if that will upset you or freak you out.

Hi! I’m so sorry, I was going to answer this like a month ago but then I lost my enthusiasm for the topic and then doubted myself on if I should talk in depth about things I had thought about... I’m still not sure right now on how much I actually should say. Not like it’s a big deal but I’m dumb. I do have the other ask still available so if I can get my weird mind and heart back on track for going at length on the topic in the future I can totally just answer off that. 

Do you ever get this way, where you’re super excited about something and you can go on about it, but then if you don’t do everything RIGHT THEN while you’re inspired, even days or sometimes even seconds later, that inspiration and excitement just completely fades? It’s so obnoxiousssss D:

Anyway so what I’ll say for now is my INITIAL idea involved that super asshole bullshit thing Unit 731 did where they tied people to posts at varying lengths away from a biochemical bomb they detonated in the center to release diseases and see how long it took people to develop symptoms and, sadly usually, eventually die... if not by the disease, then lots of times by the vivisection they performed without anaesthesia, sometimes just straight up taking out organs. 

But then I was like, man that’s going to be hard to come back from so I probably shouldn’t do that. 

There were people who lived through these things and were subjected to them repeatedly until they couldn’t live through it again. The entire thing is just so goddamn horrific, it’s out of control. But I kind of wanted to show how the road to hell can be paved with good intentions... the idea that just because you think you represent something “good” doesn’t mean you can’t become the same person or group you purported to fight against. In ICoS, Janus was as ruthless, if not sometimes more, than the Agency, but believed themselves not to be. They justified every terrible act by claiming the other side was more terrible first. 

I felt that the atrocities committed during WWII, particularly those done in secret by the Japanese government who can sometimes be overlooked now as much more innocuous than they were, were reflective of the levels to which a group would go to gain superiority over a system which they felt was denying them the power they deserved. I fucking LOVE Japan and I love so much about Japanese culture, I love the Japanese language, I’ve never been to Japan but I want to go because I know from images and videos I would absolutely love the country - but they definitely have done some really awful things that for a very long time, they absolutely refused to acknowledge. They just kept acting like these things didn’t happen because it wasn’t convenient to talk about and because of many other factors, I’m sure. 

But Unit 731 was fucking AWFUL, like at least as bad as the shit happening in the actual concentration camps, and yet everyone knows about the Nazis and how absolutely horrific the camps were, yet I had no idea about Unit 731 until I was in college and my Japanese film class or something else random like that covered it. That, and the rape of Nanking, and so much else. When we think of WWII, we think of so much of what happened in and directly around Germany, and we absolutely should. But there were also horrible things happening elsewhere, which were able to go more under the radar because of various circumstances, and which are under-acknowledged globally to this day. 

Essentially, because the Nazis and Germany were at the center of attention in this case, it allowed for Unit 731 and Japan to fly under the radar except to the countries and people they were directly causing massive trauma and impact. Unit 731, after all, fancied itself a scientific endeavor, in the same way that Janus fancied itself a revolution. It isn’t that science or necessarily even revolution can’t be important topics to focus on... it’s the way it was done.

That was what made me think of Janus initially... because there were all these other groups out there who kept taking the attention of the Agency, while in the background Janus was building an empire that was, ultimately, founded in pain. They also were both fine with collateral damage... victims of Unit 731 were a mixture of innocent victims kidnapped and coerced into their “cause” while others were prisoners of war at the mercy of a self-contained system that practiced no empathy. Not just a lack of empathy, a clinical dehumanization and disregard of the victim down to the aspect of not even labeling them as people, but instead calling them ‘logs’ in reference to the fact that their headquarters was an old logging facility. 

Janus was against the Agency because of many reasons (some of which were very valid points), but they allowed for innocent victims to be caught in the crossfire, then turned to coercing them into their control, and began experimentation on prisoners of war and others who they ultimately saw as a project, not a person. For both Unit 731 and Janus, the end goal was far more important than the journey. This was business, and in business people get hurt. That’s fine to them, because their business outweighs the worth of the people they roll into their fold as fodder for the cause. Same as the Agency, really, but the Agency had the control whereas Janus wanted to take it. Which, therefore, made Janus believe they were even more justified in going to greater lengths to seize that control, so it would be in the “right hands.”

So the short answer is that I was initially thinking I’d have Janus basically be willing to do just about anything Unit 731 did, but of course not all to one person because they would never survive it. And some things would be unnecessary to “test” in a more modern setting because science already knows the answer which it did not know at the time of Unit 731.

The trouble is that Unit 731 was the fucking worst, and people did not leave their care intact very often, if at all. All my original ideas could potentially work if done in just the right way, but most of them would have such lasting damage realistically that it was going to make it difficult to have him roll right back into being an agent in any sort of reasonable time. And if he came back without even a possibility of being an agent, I knew he wouldn’t last long at all.

So that’s what got me into thinking of other things that might be a bit more realistic for recovery, while still being awful and representative of the lengths to which humans believe they are justified in going just because they can. Ultimately, that got me thinking it might have to be more about the mind than the body. But also ultimately, that could almost be worse.

So that was the thought process that led to what went into the book. Feel free to ask me again in the future if you want about what more maybe happened in the part I didn’t write out in the book. When my brain isn’t being weird as hell I will probably be able to explore that topic more. I’ll leave the original ask untouched just in case, too.

Oh also btw, relatively recently Japan disclosed the names of thousands of Unit 731 members, which is a massive fucking step since for decades they refused to properly acknowledge Unit 731 even was a thing. So that’s a step in the right direction, at least, and an update I hadn’t known about on this topic until I googled it just now to check something else. Although, that article is a little misleading because it suggests the only victims were Chinese civilians and that isn’t the case. It was them, and a lot of other people from other countries, which I mention not to dismiss or discount the Chinese victims, but rather to recognize them, and add recognition to the other victims as well.

Anyway I rambled enough on this and didn’t even answer your question, I’m sorry... but if you do want an idea of what I was thinking when I first went into planning that whole arc, and if you have a strong mind and stomach, you can read into Unit 731 and get a good idea of the vibe of my initial imaginings. They were not happy vibes. They were incredibly fucked up.

[fenren]

[BL Game] Omega Vampire [Translations 2/??]

Scene #2: Keiichi wakes from his nightmare.

Year 20XX, Yokohama

All of my twisting and turning sent me flying to the floor.

Rubbing my eyes, I found that I was in my own bed, in my own room.

Keiichi: Phew…just a dream, huh…what a horrible one. I thought I was gonna die…I'm so glad that I'm alive…Still, to think I dreamed something like that…

My hand drifted down to my abdomen…It was wet.

Keiichi: Oh, great…That was awfully intense for some reason…Could I be sexually frustrated? No, no, I'm a man after all. If it's frustration, then why did I have a dream like that? Normally, doesn't it just happen out of the blue? Could it be I actually wanted it…? No, no way! I'm a healthy, average, normal guy…

Muttering to myself, I fixed my sight on the photograph of my family that adorned the top of my desk.

Having lost both of my parents, I now lived alone, but…We were always a little different from normal families.

Both of my parents were men. Having two fathers…It's commonly referred to as a 'Double Papa Family'…It's a rare sort of family dynamic.

Why such a thing happened…People aware of it think they know, but that is an explanation for another time.

I was lost in my anguished thoughts when my stomach suddenly rumbled.

I was starving…I might have only been running in my dream, but perhaps because of the nerves, I was also parched.

Keiichi: Come to think of it, I went to sleep without eating yesterday. I'm starved…but I don't have any money. Water, water…Right, I'll just drink some tea with lots of sugar.

There was absolutely nothing stocked in the refrigerator. I heated water in the hot water dispenser and brewed sweet black tea.

Mix sugar and evaporated milk from a can in place of cow's milk into black tea and you get Hong Kong style milk tea.

Keiichi: Ah, delicious! I'm wide awake now!

The feeling of your blood circulating throughout your body. With this, even me with my low-blood pressure could get moving.

Stretching, I went over to my bedside and took my phone out of its charger.

Keiichi: Aaah, I wanna eat some meat. A nice, juicy steak…

I'm Moriya Keiichi…I live in Yokohama. I'm probably what you would consider a normal student. A poor one.

I worry my relatives by living alone, but as long as I'm not too extravagant, I can support myself with a part time job.

Several years have passed since the Tokyo Olympics swept across Japan.

Yokahama is known to have been a port town, so foreigners' cemeteries and residences are located near the ocean.

Trade with foreign countries quickly flourished and diplomats and other foreigners had a history of living in the western style houses standing in a row at the top of the hill.

The old town's Chinatown was always crowded with people, and the Minato Mirai district was bustling with shoppers and businessmen who strutted about like they owned it.

At first glance, it might seem like a brilliant place, but the street nearby was lined with unlicensed prostitutes.

Plus, the world had undergone a sudden change. That wave consumed not only Yokohama, but all of Japan, and even the entire world…

Keiichi: Oh, 'Asaichi' is going to start soon!

I hurried to turn the TV on just as the commercials ended and the newscaster began to talk.

Newscaster: …This marks the fifth year since the release of Aoi Pharmaceutical's artificial blood, called EX-BLOOD. It's said that the products guarantee a high degree of safety and that the risk of blood-borne diseases has decreased, but…preserving the quality and a stable supply has become an issue. In this morning's close-up, we will be asking Mr. Aoi Setsuna from Aoi Pharmaceuticals Research Lab a few questions. Good morning.

Aoi: Good morning.

Keiichi: Ooh, it's Aoi-senpai! He's so calm and composed. He looks great on TV, too.

Aoi-senpai also lived in Yokohama. We once went to the same school where he was my senpai. On top of that, he was also my senpai at my part time job at the fast food place, 'Yo Burger'. He was always conscientious in teaching me the ropes. How nostalgic…

Seeing an acquaintance on TV was a rare experience. I was glued to the screen without even noticing that I was doing it.

Newscaster: Please tell us how Aoi Laboratory's artificial human blood, EX-BLOOD, is different from other artificial bloods.

Aoi: Yes, of course. EX-BLOOD is the blood type most in-demand across the world at this very moment. It's compatible with ABO, Rh+, and Rh-, which are of course the rarest blood types…Until now, hundreds of thousands of people, and in some cases tens of thousands, relied on long-term preservation through refrigeration and a database of blood donors for these rare blood types. However, EX-BLOOD can swiftly meet this supply and demand. It can be delivered to all the hospitals in major cities across the country within twelve to twenty-four hours on a case-by-case basis. Of course, there is a bit of a cost for the rare ones, but the merits are beyond measure. These are people's lives we are talking about, after all.

Newscaster: That is certainly right. EX-BLOOD is said to have brought light to the medical world. What will Aoi Research Labs be looking into from here on out?

Aoi: We are currently gathering research about the development of blood for non-human creatures such as cows, pigs, and horses. There is demand for animal blood in the fields of animal husbandry and horse racing. Last month, we shipped out blood for pet dogs and cats, and sales are promising. We have high hopes that manufacturing it will be more stable than with human blood, given that animals' enzymes are simpler.

Newscaster: Have there been any rejections of the blood up until now?

Aoi: We conducted a careful examination, but the risk of the blood transfusion failing so far is less than 1%.

Newscaster: If we look to the future, do you think the system of blood donations we have had up until now will go away?

Aoi: No, since there are cases where patients do not want artificial human blood. The reality is that the elderly population is especially opposed to it…The history of artificial human blood has only just begun, after all. The concerns of the long-term influence on society and the human body require a long-term perspective. However, the reality is that people's freedom of choice has expanded. We will do our very best from here on out.

Newscaster: Thank you very much. Aoi: No, thank you for having me.

I also found myself bowing to the TV without thinking.

Keiichi: Aoi-senpai sure is amazing. It seems he also got a patent that year. Some people are just geniuses. Even at Yo Burger, he was the best at the job. A poor idiot of a student like me is completely incompetent…

As I spoke to myself, I drank the black tea loaded with sugar.

Aoi Research Labs was originally established by senpai's grandfather, Dr. Aoi Jūzō, over fifty years ago.

However, five years ago, just around the time EX-BLOOD was beginning to grow in popularity, Dr. Jūzō fell ill and stepped away from the front lines of research in his field.

The successor to spearhead the huge Aoi Group was Dr. Jūzō's son, Dr. Aoi Kenzō…

And Aoi-senpai had supported his father since he was young…I admired his filial piety.

Keiichi: Come to think of it, when I first met senpai, it was to get a blood test. At my part-time job working on the clinical trial for the artificial human blood…I had a blood transfusion, too. It was after EX-BLOOD went into use, but because my blood type is one of the rare ones…

Idly sipping my tea, I gazed at the TV.

Newscaster: Actor Yahagi Yūsaku-san, who is very active in dramas and movies, is with us today. Yahagi-san, good morning, and welcome.

Yahagi: Thank you for having me.

Newscaster: …Although vampires used to be considered nothing but fiction, Yahagi-san, you are now famous for being a vampire actor.

Yahagi: Yeah, work started trickling in after I came out as a vampire.

Newscaster: If I'm not mistaken, it's been eighty years since you became a vampire, Yahagi-san?

Yahagi: I was already a vampire around the time of the first Tokyo Olympics. I also took a photo at the last Tokyo Olympics…Look, I've got the same face, right?

Newscaster: You're right! But, the existence of vampires came to light after EX-BLOOD became popularized.

Yahagi: Yes. Thanks to it, there is no longer a need to drink the blood of living humans. Though, I used to mainly consume the blood of cows and pigs in the middle of the night.

Newscaster: Oh, I see…Did that taste any good?

Yahagi: No, it was terrible! But it also weighed on your conscience to drink human blood…There really was no other way. It was tough in the past. But the times really are great now. There is EX-BLOOD, and…just earlier, I met Dr. Aoi at the pharmacy. He's a genius and a really great guy! Recently, you can easily drink EX-BLOOD. You've gotta be thankful to the advancements in technology.

Newscaster: Yes, these certainly are good times…

Even though the male newscaster was right in front of a vampire, he wasn't perturbed in the slightest. I got dressed while watching TV.

Keiichi: Because vampires now appear on TV, these past few years has seen changes across the world.

Muttering to myself, I picked up the remote control and turned the TV off.

Some elderly and influential people, to overcome themselves as human beings, became acquainted with vampires…who changed them and gave them eternal life.

As for those who were not suited to become vampires - they turned into beasts of low intelligence or even lost their lives.

Some, unconcerned with the risks, did it anyways, which was how the vampires' numbers increased over the years.

Keiichi: Well then, it's about time I head off to school…I'll be off, you two.

Keiichi had a wet dream. Of him, raping himself. It’s weird.

At the end, he’s talking to the photograph of his parents that’s on his desk. He uses the typical goodbye phrase that kids tell their parents when they go off to school for the day.

Can you believe I had this all translated since August lol? I never got around to editing it until now.