#op what the fuck is ‘communication skills of an egg’

[alfredosauce50]

Coming up in 2nd place is our very own Mathias! Requests are closed, but it’s about time I gave him some more headcanons. Once again, writing him is gonna be an absolute piece of cake because he’s one of my best characters, if not the best.

Without further ado, let’s hop right into it!

Content warning: Very brief NSFW.

Denmark headcanons

As the resident golden retriever, Mathias is always bounding with energy. He loves to have fun, and is up for just about anything. But under his kind and unassuming nature is something quite untamable.

Appearance

Mathias looks exactly how he sounds. He has spiky blonde hair that sticks up in the front and around his head. He also has some sideburns going on. It’s a bit wild and unruly, but he’ll just tell you it’s indicative of his personality! From a distance, he might even look like a pineapple.

Being in his early to mid-twenties, he has rather sharp features. You could even say Mathias looks mature, but it’s hard to tell with all the different expressions he makes. You’ll have to catch him reading, focusing on a movie, or building a hard Lego set to see his neutral face. It only lasts so long before it changes to something else entirely.

He’s very pale. It’s only his cheeks and nose that are a little pink from rosacea. Mathias also turns really red after physical exertion or sunburn. He needs to slap on a heap of sunscreen or he’s else not gonna survive. In regards to height, he’s well over six-feet. If you told him he was tall, he’ll just laugh and say, “you should see everyone else back home. You’d be surprised!” The average height of Danish males is 5’11” (181 cm), so you best bet there’s lots of guys even taller than him.

Mathias is huge. On top of his height, he works out a lot, so he has pretty big muscles. What he doesn’t like as much is cardio, so he has a bit of fat. It doesn’t make him look any less fit, only more on the bulky side. He prefers it, actually.

(Here’s a drawing of him I did)

Personality

He’s an extrovert that thrives off attention. If he doesn’t get it, he dies like a house plant in bad soil. It’s not validation he’s looking for; it’s the company. Mathias is the happiest when he’s around friends. He’s super outgoing, optimistic, and loves doing things with people around him. Not only is it lively, he feels more supported that way. On the flip side, he will get quite lonely if he doesn’t have anybody to hang out with.

The closest he gets to alone time is parallel play. If he’s winding down, he would like someone to sit with him. He’s the type to need a study buddy so he can be held accountable, and so he doesn’t get bored. He focuses much better, even.

Mathias is very loud. You can hear him coming, going, and when he talks, his voice overpowers everything else. Sometimes, it feels like he’s just shouting whenever he opens his mouth. If you tell him to be quiet, he will, but forgets and goes back to normal ten minutes later. So in places like shop, parks, or restaurants where it’s not an immediate rule to speak with inside voices, you’ll have to get creative. Try whispering at him so he can copy you. “Why are we whispering?”

He’s sweet, but really dense. Rest assured, you won’t find him in any of those horror stories of guys being ignorant, inconsiderate or unhelpful. Mathias is too kind for that. He would go out of his way to help anybody, and without expecting anything in return. If you had a hard day, he will suggest to do something together to cheer you up. “Let’s go grab dinner and dessert. My treat!”

He’s just oblivious. He won’t understand the very obvious implications in front of him, but it’s a part of his unassuming nature to not get ahead of himself. As a result, he’s immune to awkward and intimate situations. Long silences, deep stares, and being alone in private places. Mathias won’t react and carry on like normal. If someone flirted with him, he’d think they were just ‘being nice.’ He wouldn’t even realize they liked him if they said it to his face. “Aw, I like you too!”

He gets distracted easily. If it’s not something he can do lickety-split, he tends to wander off to do other things. Mathias might start folding the clothes, get hungry halfway, then cook and eat. After that, he’ll work out, shower, and power nap. Then when he wakes ups, he’ll wonder why the clothes aren’t folded! As you can see, he’s a little forgetful, so a reminder would do. “Oh, yeahhh.”

Mathias never gets angry. He has a very good temper, and so much that it’s calming for those who don’t. But if he does lose it, there’s usually a good reason. That makes his anger really scary, especially when he falls dead silent. That, or he says some pretty hurtful things, so it’s no wonder why he stays quiet for the most part. With his patience, it takes a lot to push him to that point, but don’t take him for granted. He can take back his kindness as readily as he can give it.

He’s not what you would call ‘protective.’ For one-time situations, Mathias sits watch in the back. He trusts you to handle things on your own, and if you can’t, he’s already next to you. He’ll calmly tell someone to leave you alone, or take over how he sees fit. Acting ‘macho’ and making a scene couldn’t be further from who he is. What he might do is put on the most neutral poker face, hug you, then stare long and hard at the person for a reaction. Indifference is the biggest insult you can pay someone. You’d be surprised at what else he’s capable of, or knows.

Interests

Mathias is a true Lego fan. He grew up playing with it, and never grew out of it. The sets he buys just got more complicated. If he doesn’t have one to build, he’ll just make something up. And you bet he has merch! Keychains, shirts, stickers, etc. He’s also gone as Lego characters for Halloween. Batman? Psh. Lego Batman? You have his attention. Himself as Lego? Even better.

He’s a gamer. Mathias plays a lot of Minecraft, and gets pretty creative with his builds. What can he say, he already likes building blocks in real life! If you play it with him, he’ll make a cute house and farm with you. To top it off, he’ll add a little Danish flag. He’s also the type to customize his characters to look just like him, and use plain old ‘Mathias’ for his usernames. Just imagine him as a Minecraft character spamming the crouch command when he’s trying to get your attention (or as a declaration of peace in survival mode).

He loves EDM, and in particular, house music. It’s hyper, feel-good, and sentimental all at once. Mathias would kill to attend all the big festivals like Tomorrowland and Electric Daisy Carnival. (Only he can’t get tickets before they sell out!) He wants to experience the energy of partying with thousands of other people. The lights, the crazy sets, the bass that he can feel. If you go with him, he’ll carry you on his shoulders and dance under you. Mathias is actually the biggest party animal, but manages to be responsible!

Mathias is an avid traveler. He would practically go anywhere that lets in visitors. Bali for beaches and wrestling with Komodo dragons, Cairo to see the Pyramids and ancient ruins, and Kyoto for the temples and shrines. He does well just about anywhere, and would most likely return with gifts from locals he befriended. It also doesn’t matter what hotel he stays in, or if he stays in one at all. He can go backpacking. So long as the itinerary is packed and the food is amazing, he’s all set!

He’s a gym bro. He works out five times a week, and never skips leg day. Mathias is really strong. He squats pretty heavy, and can bench four plates. What he can’t do as well, is cardio. Allen beats him by a landslide in this department. Mathias isn’t nearly as consistent and might prefer doing it at home (if you know what I mean)

Aside from being college student, he’d either be a boxer, firefighter, or marine biologist. Mathias would be a southpaw with a mean left hook, and his build lets him absorb a lot of punches. As for the fire department, he has the selflessness and physical capabilities to rescue or carry people to safety. And last, but not least, he’s always been fascinated with the sea and the creatures that live in it. He’s not afraid of going to cold places like the Antarctic, and he sure as hell isn’t afraid of the idea of ‘unstable employment.’

Psychology + romance

If you breathe right in his direction, he’d already consider you his friend. Mathias is that open and warm of a person. But that’s the same reason why romance with him is so difficult. He’s quick to smile, laugh, and unleash hugs for anybody. Not just you. So the question is, does he actually like you, or is he just affectionate with everyone?

Everything begins with a good friendship. Maybe you’re an indifferent classmate that happened to sit near him. And he isn’t a straight-A student. He falls behind from time to time, has difficulty understanding material, and can be poor at juggling tasks. But he really tries! Mathias asks a lot of questions, ‘stupid’ ones included, and you’ll inevitably find yourself helping him out of pity. “Psst. Did you get to copy down that last slide?”

He seems like a nice guy, and you’d hate to see him fail. You agree to meet up with him to do work together, but it usually turns into an unpaid tutoring session. You’ll need to be very patient with him. He’s not book smart. Your only saving grace is how earnest he is about his studies.

“Look closely, okay?” You instruct.

“Okay.” He stares intensely at your face, and you only get to explain for a few seconds before stopping.

“Not me. The diagram!”

The ball gets rolling when Mathias invites you out. That’s when you start appreciating him as a person, and not just a classmate who’s copying your homework! He’s fun, bubbly, and easy to talk to. You won’t be afraid of asking him for things, and get accommodated with his touchy nature. In fact, you’ll have a hard time not hugging him when he’s smiling at you like that.

On the other hand, you can be perfectly stern with him too. After many *frustrating* hours of tutoring him, you feel perfectly comfortable telling him off when he needs it. Mathias isn’t a masochist at all, but he finds that insanely attractive. It just means you care about him. Because even if he does stupid things, you still stick around. But what gets him to fall hard is when you defend him for the first time.

Mathias is so unselfish, his kindness gets taken advantage of. And he’s usually too oblivious to see it. He’s sometimes buying food for ‘friends’ that never pay him back. And when he’s in group activities, he’s always the spokesperson even when he doesn’t understand the material. Either that, or he promises to help them with their load of the work. When you find out, you’re furious.

“Can’t you see they’re using you?”

“But I don’t mind doing these things,” Mathias says, frowning a little. “It’s just how I’ve always been.”

“I know. But I’m starting to think you don’t have a selfish bone in your body--and not even for yourself. You’ll lose out on things that matter to you because you’re so busy doing everything for everyone else.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m that busy.”

“You can barely keep up with class, Mat. And you don’t even have time for your hobbies anymore.”

He falls silent, unable to argue with that.

“You may not be selfish, but other people are.” You murmur faintly, face contorting as you continue. “And it makes me sad. I hate the way they treat you.”

Mathias starts following you around like a puppy. Wherever you go, he follows. He’s affectionate by nature too, but picks up more and more habits. Since when was he always holding your hand? Kissing your head? When he hugs you from behind, he fits perfectly around you like your favorite sweater. You might brush it off as his personality, especially when he’s so huggy with other friends. Funnily enough, you end up being the dense one. You’re in denial out of respect, but to be fair, it’s not like he’s said anything.

“Your hand is really hot, Mat.”

“Okay. Let’s go inside where the air-con is.”

His number one love language is physical touch. So it’s no wonder he gets upset that you don’t react to it at all. You’re not responding to his efforts at connecting with you, and it leads him to believe you’re not all that interested. Mathias has the communication skills of an egg, and is too shy to say it outright that he likes you--which is interesting because he can touch you like he does. That’s partially because you don’t make a fuss about it, so his cover isn’t ever blown.

The slow-burn is a hot one. He’s sad about being rejected (despite not having asked you out yet) but he just can’t resist you. Mathias is always staring at you like he wants something. He’s an open-book, and ends up having it written all over his face. Dazed looks, pouts, any kind of expression you’d make when you want more. And if you ask what’s wrong, he’ll just hug you and say, “nothing. I just missed you today.”

His breaking point is simple. You let your guard down. It’s inevitable with someone like Mathias, whose kind and unassuming nature makes him practically harmless. Right? Wrong. You’re at his place, wearing his shirt, and getting ready for bed after spending the day with him. He just got out of the shower, and he’s wearing nothing but boxers. And he’s just standing there, menacingly.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

His gaze on you is too hot for you to stomach.

Just when you think it can’t get any worse, he comes over and gets so close, he’s pressing up against you. His arms are around your waist, and he tilts his head to hover his lips over yours. Then, he just stops, almost like he’s letting everything sink in.

All those dazed stares, forehead kisses, hugs, and squeezes. Mathias has always liked you.

When it finally hits you, his mouth is on yours.

Dating doesn’t come after friendship. Sex does. Mathias fucks you all night, and really hard to dispel all the sexual tension that’s built up for months. By the time you wake up, you have a new boyfriend and an uncontrollable shaking in your legs. But that’s not all. Whoever that’s sleeping next to you is barely like the golden retriever you first met. Not anymore.

Just when you thought he couldn’t be selfish, he becomes the most selfish person in the world. The only redeeming factor is that it’s only when it comes to you. Mathias will be crazy stubborn then. When he wants something from you, he won’t stop until he gets his way. And when he argues for it, he masks his persistence by asking a lot of questions. “Why?” He asks. “Why not?”

He gives intensely, and takes intensely. Mathias may be a kind and reliable partner, but he’s very demanding when it comes to anything sexual. It’s how he processes affection, and he’s a needy person. Even if he won’t goad you into anything, he’ll get pouty and feel neglected if you don’t respond to him. Sex is central to the relationship, so expect to be ravished into oblivion.

He’s smarter than he looks. He knows more than he lets on, and may pretend to be dense when he doesn’t want something. Once again, the endless cycle of “why” will start and get pretty tiring. Don’t cross him. You won’t be able to because of how he feels for you, but other people could. And Mathias can be frightening when he wants to be.

He tries to be nurturing, but ends up suffocating. Mathias would do anything for his partner, that’s for sure. But he might cross boundaries under the assumption he’s helping you. That, or he asks too much from you. Love, time, sex. You’ll never feel unwanted, but sometimes, you just need the space. It’s gonna be a long learning curb, you’ll go in circles with him again and again, or might not end up anywhere at all, but it’s always his adoring smile that gets you running right back.

There’s no winning with Mathias, and it’s hard to stay mad at him when he’s crazy about you. His love is passionate and even a little obsessive. Everything he does is for you and him. His life with you, and his future too. The sooner you realize that, the more leverage he’ll have over you. You’ll never escape him, and he’ll chase you to the ends of the Earth if he has to.

[imma-get-me-a-subaru]

I don’t know what I want to do.

I don’t know what I want to do career wise.  I have a good job right now but it is not a forever job.  I’ve put my eggs into the IT bucket and I can definitely be good at it, but I need to figure out what route I’m going.  When I took this job I was imaging sysadmin, but now I’m not sure that’s what I want to do.  And I maybe have an opportunity to jump into a more development-oriented role, if I can play my cards right and get my foot in the door.  But I don’t know that that’s what I want to do either.  My manager had asked me if I thought I could see myself running my own shop - having a managerial role like she did.  And maybe I could but then I feel like i’m drawing more heavily on the people skills than the technical skills.  And while I have both, I want to do more with the tech than the people.  I had also thought about really learning system center inside & out, and maybe getting certified there and then becoming like an SCCM consultant.  I’m sure that would be big bucks.  But that’s also putting all of my energy into learning that one software...

I also don’t ever really know what to do with my time at home.  I feel like I always get into this “I want to do something” mode but I don’t ever know what.  I think of ideas in my head and then say “no, that doesn’t satisfy what I want right now.”  I feel like many of the things that deeply interested me at one point in time no longer have the same effect on me.  Maybe that’s because a lot of my interests are tied to a deep nostalgia that’s wearing away.  I think about all the programming I did and learned because of Neopets, and the friends I had all because of that sphere.  And I was young.  Really young.  I really started getting into all of that in my early teenage years, if not before... my join date on my forum was February 2007.  I joined a couple months before I was 13.  Isn’t that nuts??  And that forum is totally wiped off the internet now (except for the Wayback Machine... I was able to see my old profile’s signature and that was a doozy).  And I was thinking recently too about how I got into Guitar Hero / Rock Band when I was 11 years old, and how my mom and I were both playing co-op and we were part of this gaming community that’s now withered away, and how all of that is still on display for the world to see.  I made a post about how there are people who think I cheat at a game I’ve been playing for literally more than half of my life - these people can retroactively go through and witness a huge developmental stage for me.  Like, I think it’s kind of fucked up that these people are able to go back and look at stuff I did or said when I was 13, 14, 15 years old and hold it against me 10 years later.  And I mean I’m not talking about me saying anything abusive or harmful, I’m just talking about the way that young teenagers are, especially online.  Anyway...  I think that’s part of it now that I’ve talked this through with myself for a little bit.

I’m really hesitant to say I’m depressed.  I want to believe I am but I also think that I am just lazy.  I’m a lazy human being who is doing the bare minimum in his personal life, and only really has it together on the outside.  And I think the amount of weed I smoke contributes to that.  But at the same time, what else am I going to do with my time?  Smoking removes me from that mindset and I definitely get more enjoyment out of my activities when I am high than if I’m doing them sober.  But it also definitely makes me way more exhausted and way lazier than I would be otherwise.  My kitchen is a mess and has been since I got back from Arizona two weeks ago.  The rest of my apartment is in a constant state of disarray.  I have a lot of stuff and not enough place to put everything, and as a result my apartment always looks cluttered and it is definitely a source of background stress for me.  I am so excited to move out of here in September and not be stuck living by myself and to be in a real apartment lol.

I live in a constant state of exhaustion and laziness/haziness and I don’t feel like a real person even though I am one.  I feel like my existence right now is just kind of grinding through the days.  And that’s not how I want it to be.

None of this is.

I think I need to go back to just trying to do one or two good, healthy living things a day.  Like they don’t have to be large and it doesn’t have to be everything I *should* do for a day.  But like if I can take all of my trash out one day that counts.

I think I just need somebody to hold me accountable cuz I do a shitty job of doing that for myself