#or a poorly maintained methodist youth center

[saucy-mesothelioma]

Just walked .06 miles and I feel like death. My body is so incredibly fucked up it's genuinely funny at this rate

[allbeendonebefore]

Ref: Calgary / Calvin McCall

Cal’s comprehensive and updated bio since I keep meaning to publish it somewhere. Feel free to ask questions if there is anything you are curious about or want an explanation for. 

[2015 Visual Ref Sheet Here]

Last Update: May 23, 2018.

QUICK STATS

Name: Calgary

Human Name: Calvin ‘Cal’ (Brisebois) McCall

Gender: Male

Age: 140s

Human Age: Early 20s

Birthday: November 7, 1874

Nationality: Canadian

Ethnicity: White (Scottish, English)

Language: English

Religion: N/A (Raised Methodist/Protestant)

Other: Biggest city in Alberta, 4th in Canada

PHYSICAL STUFF

Height: 6′0″ (182 cm)

Body Type: Kind of hourglassy but gangly and thin. Sharp al dente noodle limbs but soft thighs/shoulders. Strong legs from speed skating.

Hair: Blonde - more saturated/golden than dirty. More pronounced waves than Ed. Just above shoulder length, bangs just below the top of his ears. Center part. Piece of hair sticks up at the front of his bangs from the part.  

Eyes: Light brown.

Skin: Whitey McWhiterson, freckles. (Tans ok in summer or burns to a crisp. Primarily Scottish. Any Blackfoot etc heritage isn’t immediately obvious on sight)

Details: Ski-jump nose.

“Default” Outfit: Salmon-pink collared shirt, red tie, dark jeans, flame cowboy boots, white cowboy hat, custom up-to-date Flames jersey (McCall, 75) on game days (or Whenever because he’s That Extra).

Everyday Clothing Style: Wild West Executive: expensive, leather, fleece, occasionally over the top and involving Cs or flames motifs. Bolo ties, belt buckles, hats, warm colours, Too Much Red. Oscillates from professional suits to mountain flannel, sometimes combines aesthetics poorly during Stampede.  

Other Notes: I tend to think of him in s-curves or flame shapes- soft curve, sharp point. Pointy curved nose, pointy chin.

---

- Grew up extremely quickly relative to his neighbours, Industrial revolution kid from the age of steam. Had two major growth spurts in the 1880s-90s, and the 1960s-70s. By the end of the 19th century, he was nearly as tall as Ed. The 70s involved puberty hitting him like a sledgehammer.

- Was a cute, well groomed and pudgy kid in his first decade. Extremely embarrassed of what a well-off childhood he had and likes to pretend he was a lot more wild west than he actually was. By the Depression, it was clear that he was going to be on the thinner side as he got older.

- His hair was short and usually styled carefully prior to the 70s. It was at its longest in the 90s. No idea if the sticky up hair actually represents anything- it was originally meant to be a nod to APH America, so maybe American Hill? Haha.

- Looks kind of dumb with a beard but goes through phases where he's determined to grow one.

- No known physical scars, tattoos, or piercings. Freckles on his face, shoulders, etc.

- In remarkable shape considering how much bad food he eats and how little he exercises and goes outside in his day to day life. Prefers the gym or weekend hiking/skiing in the mountains to literally any other form of physical activity aside from skating. If it's set up as a competition or an olympic event, however, he'll give it his all.

- Has flat feet, needs insoles in his shoes. Also has really smooth and powerful elbows.

PERSONALITY

- ESTJ "The Executive". Very good at organizing people and sticking to his guns, but can also be a bit too mathematical about things at times. Stickler for planning things out and following through. Really genuinely likes talking to other people and getting to know them, really giddy when he makes it into new social circles. Strong sense of justice and morality that he doesn't like to question.

- His mood literally changes with the weather. Generally he's a bit of a genki type and a go-getter, a people person, etc, but when the chinook wind comes in he does a 180 and becomes irritable and snappy. He also has a reputation for being one of the most stressed out cities in the country (which is why he only lets totally loose 10 days a year). However, he is calm and level headed in a crisis and very dependable.

- Tends to be really hot-headed, easily goaded, and a jealous type. A bit of a crybaby as well who needs extra reassurance, but always feels better afterwards. Also has TERRIBLE road rage.

- Basically thinks of himself as the main character in a national and at times even continental drama, pre-destined to be Amazing from birth. It's not exactly that he displays himself as egotistical, he just thinks he's worked really hard and deserves every good thing that comes his way. He just knew he was going to be a big city since he was a kid. Classic small town boy turned entitled white collar white boy who isn't exactly aware of how much has been handed to him, but doesn't mean harm by it.

- Has a carefully cultivated image and really concentrates on making good first impressions, but also is a very straightforward person. What you see is generally what you get with him, and he really wears his heart on his sleeve. Really doesn't appreciate people who are manipulative or don't say what they mean, but also the sort of person who doesn't want to show all his cards when he is making a bargain.

- Even though he was raised by penny-pinching Scotsmen and waxes poetic about fiscal conservatism, he's Extremely irresponsible with his money. You know how NHL players go grocery shopping on video for laughs because they have no idea how to budget or what to buy? He's like that. The sort of person who says "I spent THIS MUCH" where Ed is "I ONLY spent THIS MUCH!"

- Despite his image of being reckless and thoughtless, he puts a lot of work in when it matters and gets easily emotionally invested in projects and people. He's mostly reckless and thoughtless when it comes to himself, so while he looks quite established and firm he's still crumbling a bit on the inside from overwork and stress.

- Still does his best to project his relaxed and folksy small town side and knows that this makes people underestimate him to their disadvantage. Less embarrassed about his redneck character and more irritated that he's so easily brushed off by others because of his perceived social class.

- The heart of the tension between fiscal conservatism and social progressivism. Really traditional romantic white picket fence guy, but also someone who is really interested in change and new innovations.

- Has a lot of issues with his personal identity which he pretends is not based on tenuous stereotypes, constantly trying to figure out who he is and really plays up the cowboy identity to hide his lack of certainty and to have something constant to hold onto.

- Was the absolute Worst kid in school, really doesn't like doing what he is told and has no patience for academia. Math is the only discipline that makes sense to him (and even then he doesn't really think critically about math as a concept).

- Is extremely neat and organized. He doesn't mind getting dirty as long as he's squeaky clean immediately after.

RELATIONSHIPS

- His 'family' includes southern Alberta, that is, the former District of Alberta territory which more or less includes those on Treaty 7 territory (Lethbridge, Medicine Hat, Red Deer, etc). Also has a close relationship to those he shares a river with (Banff, Canmore, etc.) Lately however, the other municipalities have felt him growing distant and unfamiliar as he navigates not only being the biggest city in the province but one of the biggest cities nationally as well. Still largely the center of Albertan culture, tourism, and stereotypes in spite of this.

- Close to the municipalities who have since amalgamated, particularly Bowness [Caroline] who he visited frequently in his youth to ignore his problems and play with. They moved in together in the 60s. If he had a 2p, it would likely be Cochrane. Also close to Fort Macleod, who is like his older brother and fellow NWMP fort.

- Didn't really feel a strong kinship with the other western cities in his youth and still is on good and friendly terms if awkward around them. He and Regina would have shared NWMP history, and he tried to take the younger Saskatoon under his wing for all of two seconds before his apprentice surpassed him. Cal tends to have closer relationships with American cities (particularly in Colorado, Texas, Illinois, Montana, Wyoming, Arizona etc.) than he does with cities in the other prairie provinces.

- Set his sights on Chicago before Winnipeg, but still maintains an admiration of Toronto and Montreal from a young age despite their complicated relationship. He and Vancouver are relatively close in age and the coast remains Cal's favourite vacation spot. Cal tries to hide his jealousy by being a bit overly friendly with him, but figures it's something that the rather isolated Van Man appreciates. Overall, he is EXTREMELY desperate to make the Big Three into the Elite Four, but has difficulty reading the atmosphere when it comes to them because he's a bit blinded by his ambition to get closer than a simple orbit. On the other hand, he's also the guy with the Let Those Eastern Bastards Freeze in the Dark bumper sticker and the Big Shots can really get on his nerves.

- Ed remains Cal's worst enemy and also his most steadfast friend. Cal has known him his entire life and can't imagine how difficult it would be to define himself without him, and the two have been known to wreak havoc fighting each other and bring the house down when they are working together. Cal often pretends that such a backwater and isolated city isn't enough to catch his attention, but Ed is probably the first thing keeping Cal from looking more nationally and more internationally outwards as he is the easier to provoke of the two by a narrow margin. The obsession with the other is completely mutual and very little of it is genuine hatred despite Calvin's easily produced list of victories and Ed's lower self esteem and reputation.

HOBBIES AND INTERESTS

- Despite not exercising enough, he loves all winter sports and hockey and speed skating in particular. In his youth, he played polo and croquet often. Always looking for ways to make these games either more extreme and full of stupid stunts or more silly (like human curling). Other outdoor sports he enjoys are quadding and dirt biking. Do Not mention the 1988 Winter Olympics because he will Not stop talking about them.

- Also super fond of horseback riding. And horses in general. And images of horses. And sculptures of horses. And carousels. Is really gutted that he can't keep a horse or a cow at home, so he goes out to Caro's or Bert's ranch when he wants to spend quality time with the animals. Animals are a sure fire way of calming him down. On a related note, he knows how to ride both Western and English style.

- Really into arts and music in particular, but has no sense of social class or refined taste. Really leans into the 'fake it til you make it' philosophy but also brutally honest about things he finds overrated. Likes paintings of dramatic mountain ranges and wild horses the most and has been known to try his hand at it once in a while. Also can play guitar and probably every marching band instrument. Fear the day he picks up bagpiping.

- Loves travelling when he can, not just for business deals. Owns a vacation home in Phoenix, Arizona, (a sister city) probably; also frequents Vegas and Mexico. Banff is a weekly destination for him.

- Learned the art of BBQ from the Americans. He is the Token Grill Dad. Come to think of it, he also loves golf and probably wearing socks and sandals too. Will absolutely judge a restaurant by the quality of the steak (and the person taking him to said restaurant too). His other favourite foods are ginger beef and prairie oysters. Apart from that, his taste in food is like giving an 8 year old unlimited access to a kitchen - 'let's deep fry a cockroach and cover it in powdered sugar and chocolate syrup, that will be great!!' 'What if we put clamato juice and vodka together?!'.

- Like Ed, also really fond of planes, trains, and automobiles. Unlike Ed, he can't stand cyclists and will choose a truck over a bike any day of the week. The newer, shinier and more features, the better.

- Loves anything involving betting and gambling, particularly against Ed. Tries to disguise his love of gambling with fancy adult words like 'real estate' and 'stocks' or whatever. It's probably his oldest and worst addiction. Also loves fairgrounds and carnival games even though they're rigged.

- Drinks a lot. Buys a lot of expensive whiskey and keeps a liquor cabinet in his office. It's his only other major vice- he really can't stand smoking and will get annoyed at people who do it near him.

- His hockey passion is still very strong, but he finds it less exciting when there's not a good rivalry and still has less going for him than Ed historically. Also really jealous of Ed's big dumb new arena for some stupid reason. Also a big fan of football. Wears his Flames jersey and puts flames motifs on everything a little too much.

- Loves fire in general, whether on the grill, a campfire, a romantic fireplace, or a Sunday drive out to Turner Valley to watch gas get lit on fire. It's only a little worrisome. 

- Has a lot of hobbies to cope with stress. Knitting is one of them. Exercise is another, if less used. Also doodles cartoons on his notes during meetings.

HISTORICAL STUFF

- Was 'born' or 'found' on the south side of the Bow River, near the confluence of the Elbow.

- Founded deep in Blackfoot Territory as a North West Mounted Police fort to stop American whiskey runners. Had quite a spoiled and sheltered childhood. Most of the "Wild West" era was already over by the time he was growing up, and the buffalo were already driven to near extinction.

- He comes from a very WASPy background, maybe knew some Gaelic back in the day and definitely had a good deal of exposure to Spanish from a young age. His German and Scandinavian languages are rather good and he's progressing pretty well with Mandarin and so on. He particularly struggles with French and indigenous languages. Cannot learn languages well in classroom settings and especially not when they're mandatory, just has to go out and speak it or listen on the radio at the very least.

- Was raised Methodist/Protestant but is relatively secular lately. Even so, listening to Bible Bill on the radio was his favourite activity during the Depression and it's stuck with him quite strongly. Religion has simply been replaced with the economy.

- Relative to Ed he is a bit more distant from his First Nations roots, having lived through the enforcement of segregation and the development of the reserve system during his childhood, but despite his awkwardness he is working to finally begin his own path to Reconciliation.

- Has always been traditionally right-wing, but also complicit in the inventions of many radical parties including Social Credit and the CCF (now NDP). He has developed a bit of a liberal heart lately compared to some of his neighbours.

- The 1980s was his "traumatic" decade, but his solution to any traumatic decade is to throw huge parties and spend money he doesn't have to pretend like it wasn't happening. Lost a lot of his strength early in the decade and became extremely resentful of the federal government, a resentment that had been percolating since Confederation.

- Historical roles include: the first incorporated city in the NWT, a center of Treaty 7 territory and the district of Alberta, training ground for pilots during the World Wars, heart of ranch land, the O&G industry, and the home of many business headquarters.

POSSESSIONS ETC.

- Lived in a sandstone house in his youth, recently bought a luxury penthouse overlooking the Saddledome and the Calgary tower, a short walk from Olympic Plaza. All leather/cowprint/wood furniture, bronze western sculptures, giant paintings of rocky mountain sky. Spends way more money to look rustic than necessary.

- His truck is red (to make it go faster), needs a step to get into, has Flames decals and flags and junk, and gets a lot of use to prove that he actually needs it (he doesn't). God, so much Flames and Stamps stuff.

- Got a business degree when they were super easy to get because why not, now boasts a lot about how it's such a commodity and he's a risk taker and blah blah blah to justify being a monkey of average intelligence who wears a suit. He's That Guy™ in all your Econ classes.

- Probably has a model trainset somewhere that he never lets Ed touch (at least not without meeting very specific criteria).

- A lasso. No reason. Just in case, you know?

- Probably has a hunting rifle that he's fully licensed to use, he just hates using it and keeps it on a wall for decoration because thinking about using it for hunting makes him cry (the other munis make fun of him a lot). Will shoot at targets or bottles, anything but animals.

- Has a chestnut coloured horse named Nellie- she either lives with Caro or with Bert. Has had Several horses over his lifetime and probably thousands of cows.

- Has. So Many. Boots. And Belt Buckles. And All That. You have No Idea. He has a separate walk in closet specifically for Stampede, probably.

- A Calgary White Hat, obviously, just for being him.

- Has a picture of himself as a kid riding a mountain goat. In the museum. No one can know.

OTHER STUFF

- Like Ed, spends the majority of his time working for the city. He suffers a lot when trying to please all the billionaires who keep trying to influence him (Ed on the other hand only has like one).

- Has some experience in trades, probably, but his history is in law enforcement and crunching numbers, cozying up to investors, lots of wining and dining, that sort of thing. He is the sheriff of his boardroom. Loves making slideshows.

- His middle name is Brisebois and he shrieks if you bring that up. Mac calls him Brisy to tease him.

- Prior to working for the city, he "worked" at Cochrane ranch. By "worked" I mean he "supervised" Bert and the gang of Americans and company that showed up on his doorstep; by "supervised" I mean he nearly missed tea time because he was busy learning gross habits from cowboys and drinking coffee with them and getting himself in trouble.

- Bisexual/Biromantic, attracted to both men and women with a preference for women, but his preference doesn't dictate who gets the high beams of his intense love-rays.

- Does not smoke tobacco, but will chew it on occasion (but he hates what it does to his teeth and prefers drinking).

- Has a relatively flat Americanized accent, says "yahoo!" constantly, and when he's out with his buds he just speaks like the guys from On the Bench. Uses increasingly dated/silly western slang (Well if That don’t take the rag off the bush!) when he’s annoyed with people or wants to give them a friendly tease.

- Suffers from migraines that are definitely caused by weather most of the time. He's still trying to learn how to recognize the signs in advance, but often wakes up with them.