#or just go handwavey with how he eats physical foods

[blaiddraws]

Wait wait wait?? Has Emmet actually caught Wormgo? Is Wormgo Emmets pokemon now? The younger twin gets to finally order around his older twin?

anonymous asked:

what about emmet? will he catch ingo?

he doesn't, actually

[esmeshardwoodfloors]

actually i don’t find vampires being capable of having sex weird, because they don’t feel cold or hard to each other at all? like bella noticed edward wasn’t cold anymore when she turned. i never thought about sexual activity as an incapability, can you elaborate a bit? cause that��s an interesting thought

I mean...I don’t want to really Get Into It because A) Twilight IS supposed to be a sexy romantic fantasy so I don’t wanna be one of those people who gets all nitpicky about ‘’’realism’’’ in a story when realism clearly isn’t the point, and B) it’s going to give me flashbacks to the Discourse when the books first came out but like in short:

- how does a vampire with a penis get an erection without blood flow? I believe smeyer said once that the same effect is achieved with venom instead which...ew and also does that mean venom flows through their veins instead? How? Do vampire even have veins/a circulatory system of any kind? How does increased venom flow lead to an erect penis if they don’t have hearts beating to regulate the flow of any fluid, blood or venom or whatever? Do vampire penises ejaculate in the same way? With semen or without? Does vampire biology replenish semen as human biology does, and if so why?

- speaking of fluids, can a vampire with a vagina get wet? Is the vagina also lubricated with venom? If so, does it dissolve through underwear and how quickly? This is really a side issue but now I really want to know because that seems really inconvenient

- basically penis-in-vagina sex is very difficult without A) a functioning circulatory system B) lubrication, and stimulation of those genitals would also be very different without those things, even assuming vampire nerve endings work the same way (they seem to, for the most part, as vampires can still feel pain, so we can assume touch is still pleasurable in the same way)

- obviously P-I-V is not the be-all and end-all of sex, and with some lube it’s not difficult to imagine how vampires with vaginas might enjoy a satisfying sex life (although increased blood flow, or lack thereof, to the clitoris and genitals in general is also a factor there), but the erection thing is gonna make things very difficult for those with a penis unless we take the handwavey ‘uh it’s just venom don’t think too much about it’ explanation at face value

- sidebar, but do vampires have control over their physical sexual arousal? We see that they are capable of controlling every muscle in their body to the extent that they can stop breathing and stand statue-still very easily, but can - and there is really no better way of putting this I’m so sorry - Edward control his penis? Like...could he still get an accidental boner in class? Or can a vampire with a penis control when it gets erect?

- another sidebar, but why would vampires feel sexual desire anyway? They can’t reproduce via sexual intercourse, except on VERY rare occasions with humans, so sex for their species seems unnecessary. Of course this is presumably meant to be a holdover from their human lives, but it seems odd to me that vampires seem to have this almost universal instinctive drive for a ‘mate’ given that they are incapable of producing offspring. Especially since we see with most vampires that a lot of other basic human instincts (most notably Feeling Guilty About Murdering People) seem to be washed away with their change. Those who retain enough ‘humanity’ (for want of a better word) to avoid murder are the rare exception amongst vampires, rather than the rule as it is with humans, so one would expect sexual desire to be similar, and yet it seems almost universally retained, a vestigial instinct with no real purpose

...all that being said, I would like to reiterate that it doesn’t really MATTER, like clearly ol’ smeyer didn’t think too much about the mechanics of it and frankly that’s one(1) thing I’m not gonna fault her on because it’s a supernatural fantasy romance story and it’s a valid authorial choice to just handwave this stuff

we can just let the sexy vampires bone, it’s cool!

What I’m more interested in is just exploring for fun the idea of a story where they can’t, and what that would mean for Bella’s choice in a story that is all about a human falling in love with a non-human, to accept that being with the person you love meant never being able to be physically intimate with them when that was something she clearly wanted. And I think it would have been interesting to see that as an aspect of the vampire species/vampire society - that they were wholly asexual, and might find the idea of human sex as distasteful as they would eating human food, though they could still love just as passionately as any human (just as many asexual humans do!)

TL:DR:

- vampire sex doesn’t make a whole lot of sense - vampire sex doesn’t have to make a whole lot of sense - imo it would have been a more interesting but less sexy (but not necessarily less romantic!) story if vampires just didn’t have sex at all