#or maybe I'll just make biscuits for the sake of having biscuits idk

[battywitch]

Well shit. I had the urge to make cinnamon rolls (never made before) but just realized I don't think I have yeast and I'm still out of cream cheese (for the icing)

[aurora-gillies]

Piece of work my mom and dad

They really thinks that everytime I have an disagreement with them... Or I'm trying to tell them that that's not how you should talk to your daughter... They pretty much thinks that I'm yelling to tell the whole neighborhood and I'm conspiring against them with my neighbours. Wow... I don't give a shit if they hear our argument and talk shit. If they do... They're the shitty people who evasdrops on other people's conversation.

I never rest in this house. They always bring up, all shit. Like pasts. And if I bring out their bad parenting styles... That they shouldn't have done this or done that while we were young, they'll emotionally manipulate you saying they never meant harm.. well congratulations mom and dad... My mental health is ruined because of you. Not because of my best friend or the books I read, or the tv series I watch.... But it's all because of you.

I don't hate them. Or Maybe I do. Idk... I just shut myself off completely. They complain about everything. Like me waking up late... Which I don't know why I should wake up early when I have nothing to do in the early morning? Me being comfortable like wearing a pair of short... Is offensive and obscene for them because our tradition doesn't allow it. And I can't wear them because I'll have a habit of wearing them when I'm married... Clap clap clap.... Or I can't wear them because my brother is older and I have a dad?? Which I asked my brother and he has no problem with it .... Orr I just can't because it looks bad? It's 40 degrees outside and I can't take a bath whenever I want. I can't watch my phone for hours end... Because they left me with no motivation to do anything but just stare at my damn phone.

Always says offensive stuffs or go poking around my insecurities. Like me being short, or tall. Or ugly. My mom says that EVERYTIME that I'm ugly af. When she's the one gave birth to me. They don't like being talked back because they don't grasp the concept that's how conversations work. My sweet dad always making excuses about his bad health and telling me that I'm never going to enough. Slapping me, and even punching me in my face.

This happened few days ago actually.. this very incident...before I shut myself down completely. Because I didn't like the way I'm being treated here .. so I tried to speak up. I mean it's my fault really. I went overboard screaming at his face when he tried to throw his sleeper at me, saying that he cannot talk to me like that or treat me like that because I'm a 21 year old for god's sake and I don't like it. And he slapped me. Followed by a punch. Of course they don't like being corrected by someone who they think so little of...like children. They don't have their own feelings or mind. And they are not to be hurt even if their own father tells them that they can die by taking poison or that they would kill them and then go to jail happily. I screamed some more. I wanted it to bruise my cheek. Idk for what... Maybe to show him how disgusting they both are .. for doing this to me .. and how wrong they are... But he was weak af. It didn't do much harm. That slap ring through my ear. It felt good. Seeing the same monstrous side of him after sooo many years. Part of me kinda agreed that I deserved the slap and the punch from my very own father. And I hated it. I hated it sooo bad. I hated myself for it.

I remembered that day suddenly when I was probably 9 and my brother was 4. We were at his friends house... And I had a tooth ache like every other child my age. But they had some delicious cheap biscuits. And we both ate them all... My brother cried the whole evening at their house but he stopped when he got the biscuits. And we came home and he beat the shit out of us.... Because we ate cheap biscuits. When we never touch all those expensive biscuits he bought for us. We were kids. What are we supposed do... How are we supposed to know that that's embarrassing for him... We were living in a tent like house for God's sake. WE WERE KIDS.

I could go on forever of all those incident and everything they said to me. I was just a kid. I didn't even know that I was doing something wrong. They didn't even bother to tell me what I did wrong before beating me to pulp till I bled...saying they were disciplining me. Everytime they beat me...the less I could remember. The beatings all I remember from my childhood at this point and they're proud because this is how I turned up. Alone. With no friends...no boyfriends...or anything. I'm left with nothing. I can't go to therapy for this. Cause it's expensive. I'm not earning much. Everything I earn I spend it on my books...cause they're my escape.

Not too crazy right? Trust me...this is not crying for attention...if someone faced this and they think it's normal... it's not. Run...my advice. Orr go to therapy... If you have enough money.