#or maybe god forbid something could happen and he'd need me to support him

[autumnhobbit]

i feel so distant from most people (let alone people my age) about college because i’m getting to the point now that i’m not completely against it for myself but i find it so overwhelming, it really seems like a lot of people genuinely just wind up in college barely through any effort of their own whereas for me even thinking about it is just ‘1. will this actually help me do something i want to do/could tolerate doing, 2. is it worth the stress, money, and time it will take to complete, 3. could i do this thing without spending all that stress money & time, 4. is this actually because i can’t do the thing or is it because other people expect this sort of thing out of me/i will feel bad about myself if i don’t have it, 5. am i contributing to the issue of over-certification in our culture, 6. am i spending all this time money and effort on something that will take me away from far more important practices in life (like family, farming, homesteading, faith, etc), 7.’

[janeaustentextposts]

What was it about the relationship between Anne and Lady Russell that made Anne trust Lady Russell's judgement about Frederick and his unsuitability when Anne obviously thought (and desired) the exact opposite, to accept him? Was it because she was as good a mother as Anne had? Why would she still call Lady Russell her 'great friend' after essentially wrecking her future hopes? Also supposing Anne wanted her to stick around after she and Frederick married, how do you think he'd react to that?

Okay, as I’ve gotten older I’ve dug deeper into my defense of Lady Russell. Is she a perfect human being? God, no. Are her motives and actions reasonable, given their context? Absolutely.

Anne is still a teenager–a very sheltered one–when she meets Frederick Wentworth. For all her virtues, Lady Russell knows damn well that Anne hasn’t really been out in society enough to become widely appreciated and socially adept. And this is a whirlwind romance–a total of three months passes between their first meeting and their final (for eight years) parting. Lady Russell is a snob, yes, but every point she raises has a certain kind of validity–they know NOTHING about Wentworth or his people, apart from his brother being a curate who is almost equally new to the region. Wentworth’s own traits are as evident as they can be over a brief acquaintance. He has no money, his career is risky as hell and this is a very unstable period for peace between England and foreign powers. There was the American war, then war with France, and then MORE war with France, and–hint–there’s gonna be lots more war with France. Wentworth is said to be lucky, and he knows it, and he trusts it. Whatever his insane charisma levels might convince Anne of, Lady Russell is not a bad or wrong person for feeling that luck can and will run out and isn’t something to build hopes on. Lady Russell has no reason for repressing her opinions when they come from genuine worry for Anne’s future with this totally unknown quantity who has swooped into town and charmed her so thoroughly. Sir Walter is openly snobby about the lowering nature of the connection, but Lady Russell’s objections are far more practical.

Wentworth is that dude in leather on a Harley revving the engine and telling Anne to hop on.

Anne isn’t stupid, either. Whatever she feels for Wentworth, Lady Russell is not quite a mother-figure (though there’s overlap and complexity, I will allow,) but also a friend. And Anne doesn’t have many of those–certainly none with so deep and long a connection as Lady Russell. So when your best and oldest friend in the whole world is legitimately deeply concerned for you and a HUGE change you’re about to make? You listen. Marriage is for life. Marriage IS your life, when you’re a genteel woman who cannot respectably earn her own living.

Also, Lady Russell convinces Anne that to reject Wentworth is ultimately for Wentworth’s own good, too–we aren’t explicitly told why, but it’s indicated that this is the primary motivation which ultimately sways Anne to end the engagement. For herself, Anne is still somewhat willing to take on the risks laid out by Lady Russell–but she also doesn’t wish to be a burden on Wentworth when his career is at a precarious point. Prize-money being how a naval officer might make a steady fortune, the need to support a wife and any children (particularly after Sir Walter has refused to settle a dowry on Anne, if she marries Wentworth,) might drive a man of Wentworth’s nature to run deadly risks in order to take enemy ships. This, I’m guessing, is Anne’s reasoning for why marrying Wentworth now, when she knows she will bring no money to the union, seems increasingly like a poor idea.

Anne does desire to marry Wentworth–but not at any cost. Whatever she might later come to feel and realize about her judgement and Lady Russell’s judgement and the choices that were made, there were a LOT of Good Reasons™ against marrying Wentworth.

Like, IT COULD END SO, SO BADLY.

As to wrecking her hopes, I think Anne owned her decision, and that’s part of why she’s so faded and miserable–she only blames herself.

Which…and it pains me to say this because Anne Elliot is bae…she’s not…wrong? Lady Russell advised her, as a friend, and gave decent warnings about very real risks and concerns with this match. Lady Russell was not unreasonable, and Lady Russell had no power other than to give her advice. Sir Walter is holding the purse-strings and being a total dick for no reason other than snobbery. At least Lady Russell gives a fuck what happens to Anne.

Wentworth is, of course, pissed af, and our sympathies are sort of with him because we know the frustrations of being unable to make people see things your way, but logic is simply not on his side, here. It’s his persuasion of Anne against Lady Russell’s, and he loses. Maybe that’s part of why he later claims to want a woman who knows her own mind…but only when that mind aligns with what he wants. Also why he principally blames Anne, as well, though he of course knows Lady Russell was the primary influence pointing out all the vulnerabilities in the marriage to Anne and so he resents that she said anything at all. But as Anne owns the decision to break the engagement, he lets her.

And let’s not forget that they could have gotten back together a mere two years later, had it not been for Wentworth’s resentment. A little patience and some secure funding and a show of long-term fidelity, and Lady Russell’s objections and Anne’s fears could have been done away with, then, if Wentworth had been even a little yielding in his pride. He has only himself to blame for six of those years of miserable separation.

I think in the maturity of their later relationship, Wentworth would come to forgive and appreciate Lady Russell, and Anne doesn’t blame Lady Russell (and is right not to. LADY RUSSELL DID NOTHING WRONG.) If Wentworth was going to be the sort of man to pissily forbid Anne to remain in close contact with her oldest and dearest friend when it’s primarily their own choices which caused them grief, even after they have reconciled, he’s not a man who is worthy of her. He may be away from England for long periods of time, and Anne will likely then have great need of close friends and wise counsel. It might take him a little while to get the toxicity towards Lady Russell out of his system after holding on to it for so many years, but isn’t the point of the story kind of that having the grace to admit you were wrong and move on from past mistakes is the healthier way to live and love?