#or maybe i could change my first name and then make shoshana my middle name idk | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ofpd · 2 years

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there's this tape my grandmother recorded not long before she died and in it she addressed each of her children (who were young children at the time) and i've listened to this tape many times over the years and i remember that there's a lot of meaningful things on it but the one thing that always stands out in my memory is when she says to my dad “you're the smartest little boy i ever knew, but i'd love you even if you were stupid”

#i just took a shower far longer than intended bc i started thinking about her a lot for some reason #txt #another thing i was thinking about was this summer at a reunion for extended family #my 10 or 11yo first cousin asked me which side of the family is was a reunion for #and i was like “grandma susan's side” and she was like “oh yeah”#and like what are you supposed to say to a reminder that we have a grandma who we don't know well enough that she gets a fun grandma name #like. she's just grandma susan. the grandma we've never met #and also it reminded me that we are in fact first cousins like we're from the same family and our dads grew up together #we both grew up knowing that we have a dad whose mom died when he was a little kid #idk it's just interesting how these things work #im named after her of course. susan(na) is the anglicization of shoshana and her hebrew name was shoshana #like this is just knowledge I've always had. that im named after my dead grandma.#also a large part of why i don't think i would ever change my name for transgender reasons even though i want to sometimes #or maybe i could change my first name and then make shoshana my middle name idk #also not to fandomize this but my dad binged the first 1.5 seasons of toh but never got around to watching season 2b #it's so good he'd really like it. also the episode about luz's dad's yahrzeit reminded me of how we had made plans to have a big gathering #for my grandma's 40th yahrzeit. but that ended up being in march 2020 so it was cancelled

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