#or put another scene of Bobby causing trouble (fun if not plot relevant)

[delucadarlingwriting]

Vampire Divorce Court - Domesticated Goose Chase

Does anyone remember plotbunnies? I feel like I'm dealing with a herd of them lately, all dragging me in different directions. I've finally managed to ignore most of them to finish this part. Also, I didn't intend for any of these 'chapters' to be longer than 2k words, but this one got hefty. That's one reason I ended up needing to cut it in half, but also because then I get an excuse to make the next part some Adam/Farah fluff <3

Anyway, here's Wonderwall.

Summary: Barbie's good at her job. She's just really, really bad at people.

Word Count: 3,791

First | Previous | Part 10 | Next

***

Book 1, Wayhaven, A few miles into the woods

“So, you must be from…the 1700s,” Kira says. Barbie blinks, jerking her head up from the map in her hands to stare at her new friend.

“Not even remotely close,” Barbie says with a laugh. “What makes you think that?”

“1800s?” Kira asks.

Despite the two or so hours they’ve been hiking through the dense foliage of protected land surrounding the town of Wayhaven, Kira’s showing no sign of being tired. At worst, she’s a bit flushed, and even that can be attributed to the brisk wind blowing through periodically. She is, as ever, perky and bright and potentially a bit bored now if she’s to the point of interrogating Barbie on her ages.

Barbie presses down on a smile and shakes hear head. “Kira, honestly. I’m not that old.”

“I just assumed, given the lack of GPS,” Kira says with a cheeky shrug.

Barbie laughs again, this time loud enough that Nat and Mason glance back at them. She gives them no mind though, and especially not Mason, regardless of how annoyed he is at every reminder that she’s still there. It’s his own fault for not saying anything when Adam paired himself with Farah to keep an eye on them from a distance. Allegedly to ensure no one gets the drop on their party. Neither of them have been close enough to see for almost an hour now.

“I am perfectly capable of using technology,” Barbie says, slyly adding, “Not all of us struggle so severely with it.”

Nat gives a quiet huff ahead that has Kira covering her mouth to stop a giggle from coming out. Eyes shining, Kira points to the compass in Barbie’s other hand.

“Okay, so why this set up then?”

Barbie carefully adjusts her hold on the map in her hand, doing her best to not damage the yellowed paper.

“For one, knowing how to navigate without computers is an excellent skill to have and keep sharp,” Barbie says. Kira nods along. “For another, this map is from somewhere in the 60s and hasn’t been uploaded to Wayhaven’s digital database. Which, the online database is a mess by the way. Someone really ought to sort it out.”

“You have access to the database?” Kira asks with a disbelieving sputter. Barbie nods.

“Part of the Agency partnering with the local authorities, of course.”

“Of course,” Kira mutters. With sigh, she asks, “Alright, so then who’s older, you or the map?”

Fond as she is of the detective, Barbie still pretends to check the map for something to but a little time before she has to respond. Most of Kira’s questions to this point have hit Barbie in something of a tender emotional area. She hasn’t had to talk about or think so deeply on her condition before now, not really. Mostly she does her best to pretend she’s still human. Over their time together these past few days though, Barbie finds Kira’s curiosity charming more than grating. Enough so that the actual discomfort is minimal.

Still, Kira has gotten very bold with her nosiness, so Barbie gives her her best withering look. Kira holds her hands up.

“I can’t help it, I want to know everything!” Kira says. A burst of fondness rushes through Barbie’s chest; had she not been exactly the same when she was a young 20-something? Learning about the supernatural world had been the greatest thing to ever happen to her back then. It’s why she left everything else behind to join the Agency, even though they’d been so damned reluctant. Probably mostly because of the repeated trespassing.

“I suppose it can’t be helped,” Barbie grimaces. “Not after the comment you made about my vintage clothing.”

It’s Barbie’s own fault for falling so far out of style. With her looking the way she does now though, she doesn’t much enjoy venturing out amongst humans. She hasn’t been shopping for new clothes before today in probably…30 years? She’s meticulous with her clothing care, so it’s hardly as if she needs new clothes very often, much as she used to absolutely adore shopping.

Kira’s cheek go apple red and she stammers out, “I—I’m still really sorry about that. I love vintage clothing, my clothes are mostly Edwardian inspired but around here that’s very strange so when I saw someone else who might have my same hobby—”

Barbie shifts the compass and map to one hand so she can give Kira’s shoulder a squeeze.

“I am teasing you,” Barbie assures her. “In a friendly way.”

“Right, of course.” Kira runs a hand over her hair.

“Fucks’ sake,” Mason snaps, turning to approach with a glare. “Can you focus on the fucking mission for once? I’d like to get this done and over with.”

“I am currently navigating us,” Barbie says, nose wrinkled as she waves the map at him. “It’s not as if you’re doing anything productive, unless you count stomping around like a maniac.”

In a flash, Nat is there, seamlessly sliding herself between them. Her presence alone gets Mason to take a half step away, and the look she gives him seems to convey some sort of message that gets him to lower his hackles.

To Barbie, she asks, “Are you certain this is the way to Murphy’s base? We’ve been at this for quite some time without seeing much.”

Barbie pauses to consider her answer carefully, as this was the question she was hoping no one would ask. Being known as a bit of an investigative genius usually does a lot for her ability to work without being questioned. Having not worked with Unit Bravo in such a long time has clearly deteriorated their faith in her abilities though. As much as it makes sense, she still resents that this particular doubt has come from Nat, and in front of Mason no less.

There’s nothing for it, she has to answer.

“I heavily suspect so,” she replies. It is, unfortunately, the most honest answer she can give, as well as the only one she can risk with Mason staring at her.

Nat’s eyes fall shut and she takes in a quiet breath. On the exhale, she opens her eyes with a pleading look.

“What do you mean by heavily suspect?” Nat asks. Mason growls with irritation, stomps closer, and snatches the map right out of Barbie’s hand. She squawks indignantly.

“Be careful with that! It’s very old, and I need to return it in perfect condition so no one knows I took it!” Barbie shouts. Kira gives Barbie a look of exasperation.

“You stole city property?” Kira asks, hands on her hips. Her eyebrows draw close together, mouth set in a shallow frown. Then, one eyebrow lifts incredulously. “How exactly would they know you took it?”

“Well, I signed in before going into the records office, of course,” Barbie says, waving her off. Kira lets out a short, amused laugh and shakes her head, making the long strawberry blonde rope of hair braided down her back swing back and forth.

By this point Mason is done poring over the map and tosses it back at her. Barbie scrambles, just barely catching it. He turns to Nat and says, “There’s no buildings within 15 miles. Waste of fucking time.”

“Oh Barbie,” Nat mutters. Barbie’s cheeks warm.

“I know what I’m doing,” she insists. “Even if there’s no building on this map, that doesn’t mean there isn’t something there. I have a very good feeling about this area. All my research has given a strong impression that there’s a building or hub of some sort out here.”

Nat and Mason share a look that she doesn’t like one bit. With care, Nat says, “Perhaps we’d be better off returning to town for now and doing a bit more research before—”

“I’m not going back,” Barbie snaps, furious. There is little she hates more than being treated like an idiot. “If you want to go, then go. I don’t need any of you to do my job.”

“You don’t seem to need anyone,” Mason says, crossing his arms and leaning against a tree trunk.

He’s right. Absolutely right. Barbie doesn’t need anyone, particularly him. Despite the truth in his words, she’s still pretty ticked off about it.

“Always a smart ass comment, never a smart solution,” Barbie shoots back. He growls, baring his teeth, but no fang. Kira gets between them, blocking her view of her…of Mason.

Kira brushes her fingertips down Nat’s sleeve, just briefly, before dropping her hand back to her side. Nat startles at the touch, her eyes wide, throat working. Barbie doesn’t remember Nat ever being quite so touch averse. Then again, things happen even when one isn’t around to witness them. Perhaps Nat’s gone through some sort of ordeal again. Like when that gorgon dumped her the week of Valentine’s day.

Kira says, “I’d like to see this through. Barbie’s been working on this for a while. Even if she doesn’t have concrete proof, I think she’s probably onto something. Besides, I’ve grown up here my whole life and I still find places I’ve never seen before.”

Nat chews her lip, no doubt unsure of making such a call without Adam there to hold her hand. As if she can hear the thought, Nat glances to Barbie, which makes her feel immediately ashamed. Even if she’s horribly irate today, that’s no reason to bite Nat’s head off about it. Nat is lovely, even if her team could use a bit of polish.

Taking a steadying breath that somehow makes her feel lightheaded, Barbie says, “I truly have no problem pursuing this on my own. If I find something, I’ll call and mark it on the map for the team.”

“And if you find the rogue?” Mason asks. Barbie presses her lips into a hard line, her heart giving a weak jolt. It’s a possibility she has been willfully ignoring thus far.

“That would be...less than ideal,” Barbie says, but offers no real plan of action for that potential situation. Mostly because she has no idea what she’d do. Experience says she’d likely freeze up on the spot, but the optimist in her hopes she’d at least attempt to run away, for all the good it would do her.

Fear settles in her chest, but even so, she finds her desire to prove her theory on the rogue dubbed Murphy’s hideout. What he’s doing to people would require him to have some sort of steady base where he’s storing his equipment and a source of electricity. Anywhere like that would maybe even has his notes on what procedure he’s attempting.

“So you’re looking to get yourself killed,” Mason accuses.

Barbie’s fingers tighten on the map and she frowns deeply. Much as she hates her life every single second of every single day, rarely has she considered ending it. The very thought terrifies her. Besides, her brother would be left alone at that point, and she can hardly excuse doing that now.

“Kira’s right,” Nat says at long last. She smiles down at their dear detective. “It’s worth trying. We lose nothing either way.”

“Exactly,” Kira says happily, her pulse beating just a bit faster as she and Nat share a long look. It’s really lovely to meet someone as friendly as Kira. It’s also lovely to have someone on her side when Unit Bravo seems so primed to be against her. “Okay Babs, where to?”

She turns around and holds the map up so Kira and Nat can see it over her shoulder. Though she didn’t dare use pencil on the old paper, she traces the mental line she had drawn of their path with the tip of a fingernail.

“This way,” she says. Kira hums.

“But where exactly are we heading?” she asks. Barbie curves the line she’s drawing, bringing it around in a slow loop before tapping on the spot where Murphy is most likely hiding. Kira gives her a questioning look and says, “We’ve already passed that.”

“Yes but…” Barbie trails off, suddenly choked up by the realization that they all think she’s messed this whole thing up. They must think she’s an idiot, and a stubborn one at that.

It’s true that the path she’s chosen is massively inefficient. They’ll end up hiking nearly an hour longer than if they take the straightforward path. She has no evidence or reason to continue going around the suspected base other than this deep, gut feeling she has. It’s bad enough that she also has no evidence or reason to believe the base will be where she says it will be.

Gut feelings and instincts aren’t Barbie’s strong point. She can’t trust her own first reaction to most things, as her knee jerk reaction is almost always an illogical one. Freeze in place when threatened with danger. Faint at the sight of blood. Lash out and isolate herself during the hardest transition period of her ever elongating life.

Trying to ask the three of them to put their trust in her to go out to this area is already pushing her luck. She knows she won’t win them over on taking the illogical path as well. So she gives that one up. Her eyelid twitches.

“Of course. That makes sense. We’ll take the shorter route,” Barbie grits out.

She can’t quite bring herself to relinquish the map, but Kira doesn’t need one to lead the way. It’s clear in the way she moves through the foliage and barely-there paths that she’s familiar with every rock, tree, and bush they pass. She seems so entirely at ease that Barbie feels a sharp stab of jealousy; has she ever felt so comfortable? So certain in both herself and others’ belief in her?

Well, perhaps in herself. Barbie can hardly help thinking she’s often right.

As they grow closer, Barbie’s chest feels tighter. Her heart picks up it’s pace and her limbs feel shaky. She’s reminded entirely of the way she feels when she knows she’ll have to drink soon, an unpleasant reminder that only makes the tumultuous feelings bubbling up inside her all the worse.

“Are you alright, Barbie?” Nat asks. Barbie pulls her new hiking jacket more securely around herself and scowls. Worse than feeling like this is having anyone else notice or, God forbid, comment on it. She already hates being seen like this, let alone inspected.

“I am fine,” she says, hearing the robot way it comes out with no ability to change it. Kira glances over her shoulder, slowing.

“Do we need to stop?” Kira asks with so much concern it makes Barbie want to fold herself up and get stuffed into an envelope.

“No, I am fine.”

Mason snorts. “What, being told you’re wrong sending you into some kind of shock?”

“Of course not,” Barbie says, attempting to sound unbothered, just as she has since she arrived. Her facade is slipping more and more with each attempt though. “I’m more than aware that I am…wrong about things, at least as much as any other person.”

Mason’s grin both irritates and excites her. “All said without gagging or anything. Good job, sw—”

“Would you shut up?” she snaps. There’s pressure in her gums, around her canines, so she grits her teeth to try and hold back the fangs that desperately want to show. Even after such a long time bearing this existence, she hasn’t managed to gain the control she should have over her own body, and it’s always horribly embarrassing to be caught with her fangs out. It doesn’t help that her stomach is starting to ache with hunger.

Perhaps this is why she’s feeling so odd. It may be that ignoring her body’s signals is easier in the comfortable, familiar environment of the archives. Out here, everything prickles.

Nat presses her mouth into a hard line, then turns and says, “Mason, perhaps you can drop back a bit and take up the rear?”

Shockingly, he does so, letting Barbie step past him without commentary. Probably he’s delighted to be left alone, where he doesn’t have to so much as pretend to care for anyone but himself. Perhaps that’s why he was picking a fight with her, hoping Nat would separate him from the rest of them. She wouldn’t put it past him.

Her irritation distracts her for a while as they walk, kept well fed by the feeling of Mason’s eyes boring through her head. Eventually though, that odd not-right sensation from before returns with a vengeance. She hesitates, glancing in the direction of the path she’d wanted to take, where the not-right feeling didn’t exist.

“So,” Nat says brightly, her voice reminding Barbie to keep up. There’s no point in her going down any other path than the one the team has decided to follow. Despite her earlier declaration, Barbie doesn’t actually fancy getting lost out here alone, even if she’s technically one of the scarier things in the forest. Barring every other vampire within a 50 mile radius, of course.

Kira glances her way (which is a bit to the left and quite a lot up) and says, “So?”

“So how is your fiancée doing? Bobby, right?” Nat asks. Kira’s cheerful expression dims ever so slightly.

“Right, um. She’s doing well,” Kira says with a bit too much effort. Turning to look ahead for the right direction, she adds, “We haven’t spent much time together since I got back from the Agency.”

Nat hums. “Yes, I imagine we’re keeping you too busy.”

“I guess so,” Kira says with a shrug. “It’s also partially because she’s too nosy for her own good. If I spend more than five minutes with her she starts badgering me for information on you, the investigation, the victims…”

“Ah.” Nat’s expression twists into something sorrowful. “That must be very hard. You shouldn’t have to hide such things from the one you love most.”

“This way,” Kira says sharply, jamming a finger ahead. “Just down this slope.”

Slightly hidden by some unruly blackberry brambles is a narrow decline down to the forest roughly 15 meters below, and not far from their destination. There are rocks of various sizes, from basketball to Kira’s car sized. The ground is uneven, mostly held together by tangled tree roots and a prayer. There are plenty of flat, foot sized spots that create a horrible staircase downward. Barbie sways very slightly on her feet and has to look away.

Nat looks down. “Hm. It’s a bit damp.”

“Damp is hardly the worst part of this,” Barbie says, unable to even feign a hint of enthusiasm. Kira waves them both off.

“Oh you’ll be fine, you’ve all got way longer legs than me. You can probably just go from step to step, while I’ll have to shimmy down the rocks.” She says this with a bright smile, as if she’s actually quite looking forward to the climb. Barbie is desperately fascinated by their detective, but there is undeniably something wrong with her.

Nat steps up, brows creased. She reaches out as if to touch Kira’s shoulder, but doesn’t. Oddly, she simply hovers her hand over her shoulder instead. Kira reacts just the same as if Nat has touched her though, glancing all the way up at her with a questioning look.

“I think I should go first,” Nat says, then gives a soft, smooth smile. The same one that usually leads to her getting whatever it is she’s asking for. Her brown eyes sparkle with warmth. “Just to be safe.”

Kira steps aside, gesturing for her to go ahead. “Alright, I’ll follow you then.”

Nat’s smile falters for the barest second before she steps past them to lead the way.

“And I’ll follow you,” Barbie says, giving the path a nervous look. Sure, even if she does fall from this height she’ll be just fine. It won’t kill her, not even close. That doesn’t make her any less wary of pain. She’d thought, back when she first turned, that her fear of pain and injury might fade over time. After all, Unit Bravo never seemed to let such things deter them when she worked with them. But no, she still winces and flinches at even the barest hint of pain or danger. It seems they are simply very different creatures than she.

Kira reaches a hand out, palm up. Mystified, Barbie tentatively places hers on top of it, blinking as Kira laces their fingers together.

“I’ve got you,” Kira promises.

Brave Kira. So delicately human, but so unafraid. So sure of herself. Barbie can’t help a smile.

“That reassures me a little,” she admits. Kira gives her hand a squeeze.

They proceed that way, with Nat in front, the Kira and Barbie, and just behind them Mason. He drops carelessly from step to step with his hands deep in his jacket pockets. Despite how he lumbers around, Mason is actually quite nimble. He’ll certainly be bored waiting for the rest of them to tiptoe their way down.

The next step is quite steep, far enough down that Barbie hesitates to let herself down. Kira smiles up and holds her hand out again.

“You can lean on me,” Kira says, encouragingly. Barbie has to remind herself not to bite off her lipstick. Nat turns, blanching.

“Perhaps I should help,” Nat says, walking back up toward them. Kira looks over her shoulder at the other woman, a scowl threatening to show on her face.

“It’s fine,” Kira assures her.

Barbie, embarrassed and upset. Undeterred, Natalie, it’s fine.”

She can handle being given a hand down, for fuck’s sake. It’s like they all think she’ll black out and go insane with bloodlust from simple proximity. Foolishness.

Undeterred, Nat hurries as Barbie borrows Kira’s strength to step down. As Barbie’s new boots find solid ground, Nat jumps up onto a nearby boulder, green with moss. Very slick moss.

Kira’s eyes widen. She releases Barbie and turns toward the other vampire. “Nat—”

Nat seems to realize her error just a moment after Kira, her shoe slipping and sending her off kilter. Knowing she’ll be fine, Barbie doesn’t move at all to help. Unfortunately, Kira’s all-too-human instinct to help kicks in, and she jumps down to the next stone, her hands striking out to fist in the front of Nat’s leather jacket.

For a moment, it seems that Kira’s efforts will pay off. Her shoes slide forward as Nat manages to keep her balance long enough to grasp at a low hanging branch near Kira’s shoulder. For a moment, they hang there, barely more than their toes holding them in place.

The branch snaps.

Kira and Nat disappear.