#ouygghuhh i can't even respond to my best friend of YEARS‼️‼️‼️‼️ when they're literally one of my most favorite people ever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hazmatazz · 5 months

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the worst part of my depression/adhd/whatever is that i love my friends so so much and i want them to be happy but i'm just so tired and anxious and avoidant all the time so i literally cannot respond to Any of them. hell it might not even be my neurodivergency, i had literally One Friend growing up and maybe it's still habit that i can only keep up with one. and i always feel so fucking sad and guilty seeing so many notifications on discord because i love talking to these people, it's just really, really, really hard for me and i'm just so. frustrated

#ouygghuhh i can't even respond to my best friend of YEARS‼️‼️‼️‼️ when they're literally one of my most favorite people ever #and i can't even miss people when they're not around! i CAN'T and i HATE IT. SO MUCH.#i don't have that longing ache that everyone describes when i don't talk to someone for a while. i just think of that person and get anxious #and it's HORRIBLE #i can only respond to irl's because i know i'll see them tomorrow. that's the only thing that sometimes keeps me responding to them #AND I DON'T HATE THEM. I DON'T NOT WANNA TALK TO THEM. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. THEY MAKE ME SOOOO FUCKING HAPPY #i just. can't. i hate texting. i hate texting and calling so much. i hate servers and group chats and ESPECIALLY one on one person chats #i just. can't. i hate it. i hate it so much. because now i feel bad and i have So Many Messages and it's so much work talking to people #even then i fucking Love talking to the person. it's just so much #all i have energy for is to lay down on a person and vaguely listen to things they say. i wish that's all the affection i need to give-#people for them to understand i love being with them. i just want to be a cat where the most affection i need to give is being in the same-#room or making nonsensical noises to them for them to feel alright and loved #because i just Can't make any response. why is it so hard #especially not with So Many People #why do i have to make friends and then get stuck here. why do i have to Make so many when i know i can't keep any #vent

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