#overall it makes reblogging a fun and rowdy experience for me

[ennaku-sirri-da]

You know I hope it doesn't like

Come off as disgenuine how I compliment people a lot

Cuz like. I MEAN it. And I don't think I'm qualified to give criticism unless you specifically ask, so I try to focus on the positive like I say

I dunno man artists specifically are starving on this site. I wish more people reblogged with comments, even just one. I'm an artist too.

[generallybarzy]

did you miss me? ❤ mat barzal

Part 1-  ~2,750 words

So that video of Barzy singing this song (which I will never stop reblogging) brought up some old nostalgic memories because I kinda forgot this song existed and I used to listen to it so much when I was younger. So I listened to it and started feeling emotions. I’m sorry if this is too crazy I just really went off. @matbaezal​ because I promised you this. I hope its okay, it’s my first real hockey boy fic.

Summary:  You get the opportunity of a lifetime, but it means saying goodbye to your boyfriend for half a year. Mat starts feeling a little bit of self-doubt in the relationship. This part is literally just describing your’s and Mat’s separate sides of the experience and then a fluffy scene. There WILL be a second, emotional part eventually. 

As you pushed yourself down into the cramped airplane seat and tried to drown out the noise of rowdy children a few seats behind you, you pulled out your phone and pressed on the ‘Mat❤’ contact one last time in a final attempt to send one text to your boyfriend. But no matter how many texts you sent, that damn little ‘Not Delivered’ message just had to keep popping up. 

It really felt like the world was out to get you these past few days.

You hadn’t been able to get a hold of your boyfriend for the last three days- even when the messages did deliver- to tell him about your flight back, and now the flight itself was late and it was gonna take a few extra hours until you were back home. In all honesty, you didn’t even know if he would still be waiting when you got back. The internet connection had never seemed crappier than when you just wanted to send just one more text to him before your flight. Airports had never seemed more crowded than the moment you began to become overwhelmed with the need to just be home. Six months had never felt like a longer time than when you just needed to crawl into your boyfriend’s arms.

The last six months had really been something, huh? You could barely believe they’d even happened at all. 

As someone heading into the social work field after college, you had always wanted to get out in the world and help people less fortunate than yourself, which is why you jumped at the opportunity to fly with other students from your university to underdeveloped countries to do nonprofit work and volunteering to get a taste of what this career path would feel like. And damn, how cool would it be to put something that good on a resume? It was the opportunity of a lifetime for you, so it should’ve been an easy decision to jump on that plane. But of course, there was still one thing that made you hesitate- Mathew Barzal.

Six months ago, at the start of all this craziness, you had left behind your amazing boyfriend. Of course, Mathew was 100% down with your decision, happy you were getting the chance to do what you love and explore beyond the world you were used to, but that didn’t make it any easier to go without him. The two of you had been dating for a solid 4 months at that point and had been hanging out as much as your hectic schedules allowed, always there to pick up each other’s pieces after a hard day. Knowing that you wouldn’t have someone to curl into and hold at the end of the day was the biggest obstacle standing between you and the potential start of your dream career. God, you would miss him so much. But you wanted to go so bad, to look for your passion, your career, yourself.  

You remember holding onto Mat after telling him about your conflicted feelings, tears in your eyes as you tried to savor the feeling of his arms around you. “I want this so much. It could be the start of my career. I want to find myself, you know? But you deserve someone who can be there for you.” Mat shook his head a bit. He always made it well known that he appreciated every moment he got with you, even if it wasn’t much on certain days.

“You are there for me.” He insisted.

“But now I’m going to miss six months, Mat! Half a year! By the time I’m back, you might not even like me anymore.” With teary eyes, you looked up at him. “It’ll be easier if we just break it off right now so you can find someone else. Someone who can be there-” 

“Hey, hey.” Mat tried to hush you with a kiss, but you pulled back.

“Six months, Mat, we haven’t even been together that long yet.” You spoke softer this time. “That’s a long time to be without someone.”

“Shut up, please, babe. Shut up.” He pulled back to look at you, holding your gaze and letting you know he was serious now. “Look, it might be a long time, but I’m not gonna let you hold yourself back for me, alright? You want this, right?” You nodded. “Yeah. This is an amazing chance for you to start your dream. Your dream! You’re gonna change the world, babe. And I can promise you I won’t just stop liking you because you want to chase that dream.” His thumb stroked across your cheek and a smile finally cracked across your face as you were reminded again of his dedication to your relationship.

“It’s gonna be so hard, though. I might not be able to answer calls or FaceTime with you very often. And the time zones…” 

“I can handle it. I’ve got plenty of pictures of you on my phone for when I get lonely.” You laughed at that, reaching up to lace your fingers through his hair. “And we’ll just have to savor our time together for the next few weeks. Make every second count.” He lay a few kisses across your face and smiled into the crook of your neck. “Go find your purpose, babe. Do a little soul-searching. I’ll still be here waiting when you get back. I promise.” 

———-

Six months without Mat may have been hard on you, but you were also getting the chance to do things you loved and find your purpose. On the other hand, Mat, while he happily supported and encouraged your choice and never let you think he doubted it, wondered if maybe you would come back and realize that there was a lot more to life than staying with him. You were finishing a degree- and a freaking cool one at that- traveling the world, helping people and doing good in the world, and he was just a hockey player. A great one, sure, but still just a hockey player. 

You were smarter, more compassionate, an overall cooler person than him, and soon to be better traveled and more knowledgeable about life in the underdeveloped parts of the world that most city people rarely spared a thought for. It was just a matter of time before you realized just how much better you were than him. You could find someone out there, someone else who’s volunteering, and you’d fall in love with how selfless and worldly they were. You’d fall in love and get married and go on saving the world together, while Mat was still just scoring goals on TV, living alone-

Shit, I have to stop thinking like that. You liked him. He liked you. Done. 

He wasn’t sure when all this self-doubt started- it was so unlike him. Maybe it was after he would get back from late-night games to find you waiting on his couch, stressed over your own assignments but still there nonetheless to help him relax, putting everything aside for him. Of course, he did the same for you as much as he could, but with practice and games and roadies and media days and more practice and more games, he felt like he couldn’t be there for you as much as he wanted. 

Surely, while you were out there doing some soul-searching in a foreign country, you’d realize that you could do better than him.

After you left, Mat realized just how lonely he was without you. The two of you hadn’t even lived together before you moved out, but he understood now that you had been a much bigger part of his life than he ever realized. Sure, he had his teammates and his friends, and they hung out often, but he couldn’t really go over to their place and snuggle them at the end of the day. He couldn’t have them come over just so that he would have someone to hold- to fall asleep and wake up next to. There was a hole in his life.

Mat remembers the moment he realized why all these feelings- the doubt, the loneliness, the fear of losing you- were so intense. A month or so into your trip, he was FaceTiming you and the feeling of being separated was still new. It was almost time for you to go to bed, but Mat had just gotten back from practice and was upset that he couldn’t spend the rest of his day on a call with you. He was sitting at the table in his apartment, propping his head up with his fist and smiling at you through the phone. You were thousands of miles away, sitting up on your bed, looking exhausted with your makeup-less face and hair thrown up in a bun, a radiant smile across your face and wearing a hoodie of his, the one you took with. “A part of you to cuddle out there”, you’d said. She’s so beautiful. “Are you having fun?”

“So much, Mat!” Your smile was contagious. 

“Tell me about it.” Even if he was upset you were so far, he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “Is it everything you wanted?” 

“And more! I got to hang out with a bunch of the underprivileged kids today, they’re so sweet! We’re helping them make better schools here so that all the children can get a chance at an education. We’re flying over books and materials for them, too! They’re all so excited to have us here…” He listened intently, honestly interested and amazed by everything you were doing. “I really think I found what I wanna do for the rest of my life, Mat. I’d prefer to not be so far from you, though…” You really were finding yourself, making a difference, changing the future, and he was so in love with that. 

In love with you.

“Babe, go get some sleep alright?” Mat laughed slightly after a while as you lost your train of thought and started dozing off a bit. “You got a big day of changing the world tomorrow. Call me when you get lonely.” You nodded sleepily at him. “G’night, (Y/N).” I love you, he wanted to add before he ended the call. But you were already half asleep, thousands of miles across the ocean from him. It wasn’t the right time. 

In love. Wow. 

Mat had to take a moment that night to think. He knew that he liked you, seriously liked you, from the moment you had your first date. But now, knowing he loved you? He couldn’t stop smiling that night, dreaming of the ways he would tell you. He couldn’t calm down at practice the next few days either, all smiles and giggly to his teammates, who were honestly getting a bit tired of hearing Mat gush over you. Like, it was sweet and all but Mat, could you please for the love of God focus on practice? 

Through all the wins and losses, the stressful games and lonely nights, at the end of the day, nothing could wipe that smile off his face. Because he was in love with you.

And he couldn’t wait for you to get back home.

———-

Part of you felt like it had been years since you’d last seen Mat in person, the other part felt like it was just yesterday that you left him at this very airport. Now, back in the United States, standing in the airport and hopefully minutes away from being back in Mat’s arms, you were sure that all your time away from him was worth it, thinking back on all the people you’d helped and the lives you’d changed. You’d made it. Made it through six months without him, and you enjoyed every moment of the work you’d done there, even if it was spent without him.

At this point, you hadn’t heard from him in three days, and before that there were only a few back and forth messages that had taken hours to respond to. You’d texted him before and during the flight, reminding him that today was the day you’re coming back. He didn’t answer. Okay, you thought, maybe the times just didn’t match up and he was just busy. Maybe he was at a game or practice. For three days, though? What time is it, anyway? You sent him another text, thankful the messages were finally delivering. ‘Hey, I’m back :) You there?’ It’s fine, it’s fine, he probably just doesn’t have time to respond yet. Maybe… maybe he broke his phone? But another part of your mind wandered into darker areas. Maybe he did get tired of you. Maybe he needed someone and you didn’t respond fast enough, so he went out to find someone new. Maybe he wasn’t going to show up after all. You shut off your phone in defeat. 

Maybe you were on your own now…

“Hey, (Y/N).” 

One statement alone had never made you feel as much as at that moment. All the bustling noise of the airport went silent in your ears as you turned toward the voice in what felt like slow motion. There, a few feet away from you, your boyfriend of 10 months now stood in front of a bench, looking sleepy and disheveled and wearing your favorite hoodie, one that you had often told him he looked really boyfriend-like in. He had a bright smile and a soft flush on his face. “Mat.” All your worries of him not showing up were suddenly forgotten as you dropped all your bags and met him halfway, falling into his waiting arms as he lifted you off the ground in a hug. “Mathew. Mat, Mat, Mat…” You let out all the emotions of the last six months, tucking your head into his neck and feeling dizzy with happiness at the familiar, comforting scent of his cologne. His arms held your waist close against him, his nose finding its usual place by your temple, breathing in your shampoo. 

“Did you miss me out there?” He set you back on your own two feet and you pulled out of the hug only slightly to look up at him, studying his face as you held it between your hands. He’d changed a bit since you last saw him in person- still the same Mat, your Mat- but somehow he seemed warmer, softer, happier. Not that he was unhappy before, but now he was just… lighter. He’d cut his hair a little bit and it suited him, and his face was completely clean-shaven. But that beautiful, vast grin that always left you smiling was the same as always. You smiled and pressed your lips to his, threading your fingers through his hair. Finally. Finally. Seeing Mat on a tiny phone screen could never compare to being here in person, holding him, kissing him, feeling his arms around your waist. Six months of lost time exploded between you, and it felt like hours before you pulled away breathless, with grins on both of your faces. 

“So much, Mat. I missed you so, so much.” You pulled yourself back into him, one hand on his shoulder and the other tracing along his jaw, and choked back a happy sob. “You scared me so much. You didn’t answer my texts. I thought you weren’t going to show up. I thought you’d actually moved on.” The grin fell from his face immediately. 

“Shit, really? I was just trying to surprise you. I thought it’d be romantic?” You laughed into his chest. Mat, Mat, Mat. He was the same as always.

“I missed you. So much.” You felt him smile as he pressed his lips against your neck, just taking a moment to hold you. 

“You’ve gotta tell me everything about this trip. Was it everything you wanted?“ 

"Later, Mat. I just wanna get out of this airport and back to someplace more private.” It was physically starting to hurt that you couldn’t just jump on him and cuddle him right here at the airport. 

“Your place first?" 

"No. Your place. I just want to shower and sleep right now. And you’re crazy if you think I want to go home without you after all this” You shared a smile with him again, still overjoyed to be back home with him, not wanting this intimate moment to end. Then again, moments like this can’t be that intimate when you’re literally standing in the middle of a crowded airport. Mat grabbed some of your luggage and tucked you snug into his side, right where you belonged. 

“Well, I’m not gonna complain about that.”

❤

——

//But tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet? Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day, And head back to the Milky Way? And tell me, did Venus blow your mind? Was it everything you wanted to find? And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?//

——-