#paruline warbles

[11paruline44]

If you were to put every major Star Wars character together in one room

(This post ignores the existence of the sequel trilogy)

So, Palpatine is a scarily competent, terrifyingly powerful villain, but do you know what I love about him? He’s so terrible to people that every major Star Wars character, be they hero or villain, hates him by the end of their lifetime. Sure, most of his life, ol’ Skeevy Sheev managed to avoid people discovering his true nature before he’d finished using them for whatever purpose he had in mind. But what would happen if all the characters knew the truth?

Imagine if the Force or some other powerful mechanism managed to pull every major Star Wars character from the timeline together in one room, immediately after their deaths. They’ve all played their parts life already and become one with the Force, but the Force has one more task for them, and deposits them all, unceremoniously, in the same place. This is a lot of heroes and villains in one spot. As they start scanning the room around them in confusion and shock, they begin to note many friends they lost, but also enemies whose presence makes them itch for a fight. But then, inevitably, each character realizes they are in the same room as thEE Darth Sidious, aka Emperor Palpatine—and that’s all it takes for them to wordlessly decide, as one, to rush him first. I mean, everyone has a grudge with him, by the time of their death. Everyone:

Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader: While he switched to the Light Side right before death, he’s still pretty dang Dark-susceptible, despite his remorse. (And this man takes everything personally.) So, as he looks around, only to see tons of people he’d been on opposite sides of a war from, once upon a time, his temper begins to rise. Maul… Dooku… and ugh, that ragamuffin smuggler who seems to have a thing for his daughter… but then he sees Palpatine. The old wrinkled prune who he was forced to work for for decades, who destroyed his life and nearly killed his son, who Anakin/Vader literally just thought he’d killed. Anakin rushes him in a rage on the spot, no questions asked.

Obi-Wan Kenobi: Now, of course, Obi-Wan justifies everything with perfectly justifiable Jedi reasons—Sidious is a Sith Lord, the archenemy of the Jedi, and one who has taken over the galaxy and caused irreparable harm to billions of life-forms. He obviously should, strategically, not be left living any longer than can be helped. But yet… Obi-Wan truly joins the fight to kill Palpatine because of what he did to the Jedi and to his family compatriots. All of Obi-Wan’s “infinite sadness” can be traced back to him, after all.

Ahsoka Tano: She may not have known the full story, but she saw the results—Anakin became Darth Vader under Sidious’s thrall. She’s quite annoyed, since she could have sworn the sleemo had already been dealt with, years ago—but she, too, won’t ask questions if she has a chance to take him down while he’s still breathing. Palpatine is going down.

Padmé Amidala: She lived long enough to see Palpatine proclaim himself Emperor, at the very least, though she didn’t see the horrible results. But seeing everyone else’s murderous reactions—especially Anakin’s—she figures they have a good reason and gets her blaster at the ready.

Rex: This whole situation reeks of “Jedi business” shavit to him, but he won’t ever miss an opportunity to fire at the Emperor.

(Any other clone who lived past Order 66 in possession of their right mind, for that matter: It’s the Emperor! Attack!)

Count Yan Dooku/Darth Tyrannus: His final moments still ring through his head—Sidious urging Skywalker to kill him. (Skywalker, who Dooku is beginning to realize was probably his replacement.) In an instant, Dooku sets aside all other grudges to prioritize. He wants his old master dead. Nobody likes being replaced, after all, least of all—

Darth Maul. Yes, Maul sees Kenobi, his avowed worst enemy who, in his mind, just killed him, and is about to go at him first—but then he sees the sheer number of people rushing Palpatine instead, and is caught off guard. Despite himself, Maul, for once, sees some hope—a chance to take his old master down like never before. Maul, too, can be practical enough to prioritize just this once. Sidious screwed him over, too, after all—and who is Maul to ignore a chance for sweet revenge, after all.

Qui-Gon Jinn: There’s a lot of people in the room Qui-Gon doesn’t recognize, and most look older—older by far—but as multiple Jedi suddenly launch themselves at Senator Palpatine, all he has to do ask the person he’s pretty sure must be an older version of Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan responds that Palpatine is the Sith Master—and that’s that. Qui-Gon notices Maul joining the fight, and notes that once they’re done, he’ll want to take care of that problem—but he’s a patient enough Jedi to prioritize.

Asajj Ventress: Ventress also wasn’t aware of who the Sith Master was before her death, but she’s close enough to Kenobi as the fight begins to hear his answer to Qui-Gon. Palpatine is Sidious? She joins in immediately. She has an eye on Dooku the whole time, but as a former Sith apprentice, she knows how dangerous the Sith Master must be, and that he must be taken out first.

Mace Windu: You’d better believe he has a bone to pick with Skywalker, once he’s done with Palps—dude cut off his hand—but first things first? He’s got the muthafucka who electrocuted him to kill.

Luke Skywalker: At first, he’s ever so happy to see his father, Obi-Wan, and Yoda again… but seeing the Emperor again immediately brings back his worst memories. Palpatine was the ultimate evil, and regardless of whatever has caused him to live again, he shouldn’t be allowed to continue living any longer than Luke can help it.

Leia Organa: The Emperor? Leia sees him, and she’s pissed. Palpatine was everything she fought against in her young life, until he was defeated—and then she had to spend the rest of her life trying to undo his legacy of terror and despotism. Any living iteration of Palpatine must be killed, no questions asked.

Han Solo: Leia! Hey, Leia, is that the Emperor? I could’ve sworn we defeated the Empire decades ago, what the hell is going on?…. You know what, I always wanted a chance to shoot him in his ugly face. Let’s go for it.

Yoda: Bad news, the Emperor is. Failed to vanquish the Sith before, I have. But miss the opportunity to try again, I must not.

Lando Calrissian: Lando is confused. Who even are most of these people, anyway? But what the hell? He’s always hated the Emperor.

The only major characters I can think of that wouldn’t actively try to kill Palpatine wouldn’t actively stop anyone from killing him, either:

-General Grievous: As far as this guy ever knew, Palpatine was the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, so why’d he want to protect him? Kenobi’s in the room, and he’d be of a one-track mind to go after him instead—but it’d be a bit hard to do when everyone else is gunning for Palpatine, causing quite the mess.

- Grand Moff Wilhuff Tarkin: Seeing that the current situation isn’t going in Palpatine’s favor, Tarkin would prefer to sit back and watch everything play out. He’s power-hungry enough that he’d relish in the chance to have the Emperor taken out so he could take over instead.

-Jabba the Hutt: All Jabba cares is that Han Solo and his buddies just massacred his whole operation, killing him, too. Without enough cronies to form a defense, he’d want to get out of there to avoid it happening again. The Emperor is just a side note to him—he never cared who ruled the galaxy as long as he could continue making money.

So, in conclusion:

#Murder Palpatine Squad

[11paruline44]

To all ye ladies and gentlemen and folks and… pornbots… who wander here:

Hello! I’m 11paruline44, or Paruline for short. I’ve decided to make a new side blog with the same name as my Ao3 username for my writing and whatever fandoms I am currently writing for. (Paruline means warbler in French. Can you tell I’m a huge bird nerd? XD) If you’d still like to find me on main, go ahead… but be warned, all bad takes and rambles are there….

My current biggest WIPs on Ao3 are:

•Be Careful What You Sith For (Star Wars) (Ch: 11/?, 30342 words) https://archiveofourown.org/works/25901920/chapters/62946757

Darth Sidious just wanted a sneak peak at his own death—so he could avoid it, of course. But, one backfiring Sith ritual later, it's not just him who got a look ahead at their future demise—it's the whole galaxy, all at once.

Ever since the words fortelling the cause of one's death had appeared on everyone's arms, the galaxy plunged into chaos. But can the Jedi make sense of the madness fast enough to avoid their tragic fate?

• A Million Wasted Chances (Star Wars) (Ch: 6/?, 21,943 words) https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431931/chapters/53596477

The last thing Vader remembers is agony on the banks of Mustafar, following his ill-fated duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi. But the Force seems to have given him another chance, as the next thing he knows, he's waking up in his room at the Temple, starting the day all over again. He's happy to have the opportunity to avoid his fiery fate—but then it happens again. And again.

Trapped in a time loop on the fateful day he Fell, the Sith Lord formerly known as Anakin Skywalker has all the time in the world to ponder his choices. But can he make any better ones?

• The Forgetting Game (Miraculous Ladybug) (Ch: 8/?, 26,225 words) https://archiveofourown.org/works/16849132/chapters/39557431

Hawkmoth’s gotten wiser—and stronger. His latest akuma is designed to make people forget completely about the Miraculouses. When this new akuma gets to Ladybug, Team Miraculous is left in a crisis, since without Ladybug, they can’t purify the akumas on the loose—and none of them knows who Ladybug even is. Can Adrien find his Lady before it’s too late?

May the Force be with you!

✌️