#paternosis

[masterhuntrcss-archive]

a moment of weakness and make it HURT

moment of weakness (randomly generated) | selectively accepting | @paternosis

2. My muse is emotionally compromised and breaking down.

     She’s been carrying her anger for years.

     It’s much like an animal — a child, even. It sat inside her chest and she has taken care of it, good care. She protected it, fed it, watch it grow up, grow bigger with the day. It would not be entirely wrong to say that it had become the very essence of what Jess is; it’s what separates Jess from Jessica, a girl that died a lifetime ago. (She’s been weak. Too weak to survive on her own, so she’d culled her. A mercy killing, one that allowed Jess to live instead.)

     And her anger had paid her back a hundred times over. It’s easy to hide behind it, it’s easy to build a wall from it, a facade, something to protect herself from. There’s no weakness in that — to use your own weapons to avert danger to keep your resources is thinking ahead, is planning carefully.

     Had her anger gotten the better of her? More often than not. Would she trade it for anything else — for compassion, for wits, for insight? No. Things that got you into trouble just the same, and at least she knew how to use her anger, her wrath as a sharpened blade, ready to strike.

     Sometimes, however, it overwhelms her, takes over, and then leaves without a sign, and without it, she is lost, and she doesn’t know what to do.

     Slow steps. There’s something in the ashes. It’s small, and white, like porcelain, but she doesn’t need to get closer to know what it is inside these burned down ruins that once were a home. She hadn’t known the Moores very well, but she traded, occasionally, with Aaron, and she knew of the twins clinging to their father’s legs constantly. Something she suspected were no less true for the last chance they had, with how close little bones pile together.

     The radio she’s taken off a dead peggie shakes in her hand, and it clicks. She doesn’t care who of these fuckers is on the other side, she just wants to yell; to drag the bastard through the speaker and murder whichever one it was right here and now.

     Instead, her legs give upon laying eyes on the remains of a half-built (or half burned?) crib, and her heart pounds up to her throat.

           "This what you fuckers want? Bombing innocent children? What for, didn’t they wanna give you their wooden horse? Were you pissed they couldn’t hold a gun yet? They were five, for fuck’s sake. Five! You fuckers happy?!“

     She sits on the ground, and ash smears on her clothes, and her skin. It’s still warm. There’s still spark inside the house.

           "Hope you are, ‘cause I’m gonna get all of you.”

[peacefulapostle--a]

a moment of weakness? B)

send ‘a  moment of  weakness’   ||  @paternosis​  ||  accepting VERY selectivelyMy muse is emotionally compromised and breaking down.

“Why….?”  It’s  all  he  can  say  for  a  few  long  moments  as  a  hand  runs  hair  back  in  frustration. Paul  can’t  seem  to  look  directly  at  Joseph  just  yet.   “Why  did  you  bring  me  here?” When  he  turns  around  it’s  obvious  that  he’s  upset.  Eyes  are  puffy  and  skin  is  pale.   Paul  doesn’t  wait  for  Joseph  to  answer  though   as  he  fold  arms  over  his  chest  to  continue.  

Eye  contact  is  still  difficult, but  in  order  to  say  what  he  needs  to  Paul  has  to  be  able  to  look  into  the  eyes  of  his  older  brother.  Teeth  grind  into  bottom  lips  when  he  gazes  up  at  Joseph.  “I  know  everything… I’ve  had  it  out  with  John  already…. I  know  about  the  ‘unwilling  atonements’… the  torture. … the  BLISS and how  it  controls  people. “  

Palms  shakily  wipe  at  his  face  when  the  tears  begin  to  fall.  He  feels  like  that  broken  brother  he  once  was  when  Joseph  found  him.  Addled  with  addiction  and  weary  because  of  a  childhood  taken  too  soon.  Most  of  his  adult  life   was  spent  in  a  drug  infused  haze  to  keep  the  emotional  turmoil  at  bay  and  when  his  brother  showed  up  to  take  him  HOME,  Paul  thought  he  had  FINALLY  been  saved. 

Mentions  of  salvation  and  Eden’s  Gate  had  him  chomping at the  bit,  but  he  was  never  sure  about  a  collapse.  He  had  his  doubts  from  the  beginning  but  the  joy  of  being  a  family  again  is  what  sold  him.  His  faith  had  been  restored  by  the  words  of  his  brother  and  he  knew  then  and  there  that  he  would  clean  up  his  life  in  Montana. 

The  more  he  stands  there  the  ANGRIER  he  gets  because  Joseph  is  still  calm  as  ever.  It’s  what  he’s  always  admired  about  his  older  brother.  He’s  been  at  peace  and  he  cherishes  life  and  all  it  has  to  offer.  Now  it’s  all  buried  under  lies  and  deceit.  “Would  you  say  SOMETHING.  Anything.  Tell  me  why..”  Paul  walks  forward  and  places  his  hand  on  the  collar  of  the  other’s  shirt  and  grasps  it  lightly. 

Voice  starts  to  raise  in  more  anger  that  now  he  can’t  hide.   “I  need  to  know  why  you  didn’t  tell  me  about  any  of  it.  Why  I  had  to  find  out  the  hard  way  because  you  had  to  have  known  that  I’d  never  fall  in  line  like  some  soldier.  So WHY  did  you  bring  me  here.  You  should  have  just  left  me  there  to  rot  inside my own  mind.  I’d  have  been  much  better  off.” 

[finalvlog-a]

@paternosis // [ replying to this ]

jacob had combed the mountains for this one for days. joseph would admire the tenacity if it didn’t come alongside a virulent venom that sinks deep from alex’s tone into joseph’s calm demeanor.

calm, except perhaps for how his eyes hold a needle-like focus. calm except for how his jaw muscles flex under his skin. calm except for how his tone is wound tight like a rope around a sinner’ neck.

                “there are higher prices than these, my child,” he says. not angry. never angry. just disappointed. “why do you continue to fight us? sara and hannah have already joined us. they’ve already walked the path. they’re welcomed the light of God into their hearts, and they’ve joined us as family. don’t you want to see them again? see the truth as they have?”

Alex lifts his head to meet Joseph’s gaze as much as he hates doing it. If he averts his eyes that might give the ‘Father’ some ideas about how he was weak –– unable to stand up to someone like him but he wasn’t. Stubborn willpower and a need to save his friends drove him to great lengths. Including fleeing to the Whitetail mountains to try and find Hannah.

It hadn’t ended well as evidenced by where he sat, behind bars with Joseph Seed gazing at him from the other side. The price paid had been Alex’s skin, the couple dozen dead in the tunnel back in Holland Valley and now? His freedom again –– only instead of John he was with Jacob. This is the first time he’s seen Joseph since the forest, since he’d promised Alex that they would walk through Eden’s Gate together. There’s a twitch along his jaw and Alex counts that as a win in the same way he’d considered it a win when he’d uploaded the video.

At the mention of his friends he falters. Alex hurts thinking about them joining Eden’s Gate.

“I want to take them home to their real families. I want to see my parents again. I’ve already shown the world the truth of what’s happening here. It’s just a matter of time until someone comes.” Aside from all that, “I don’t believe in god.”

[salvatiicn-blog]

@paternosis

     It has become rare for a Herald to step into the Father's territory unrequested for these days. Something that had been different way before, and part of his heart ached for times back then. A small part, however, one that belonged to a scared child and would steal thoughts like these much like a thief in the night. There was hardly true sentiment to it, for such would mean questioning things as they are, and he doesn't — no doubt rests within his soul that things were going just how they are meant to be, how they are right.

     The world moved on, and rightly so; in just the way it should move. And while it's become uncommon, it is also not what happens now; instead, it is one brother in pursuit of another, with questions different that they would be aimed at the Father. A small difference, maybe. Maybe only a difference to him, by now — but an important one, all the same.

     He didn't announce himself. He didn't need to. Joseph will know before he's stepped behind him, and likely knew the second he made the decision to come. It's how things are. That, too, has changed — for better or worse.

[deputysaint-a-blog]

paternosis replied to your post: paternosis: deputysaint: paternosis: icb fc5...

fuck you i stand by that statement

   name a location and time bb

[masterhuntrcss-archive]

MUSE AESTHETICS: HORROR EDITION.

BOLD WHATEVER APPLIES & tag people. add stuff & even change the format to your liking! naturally, repost; don’t reblog! TAGGED BY found & stolen TAGGING @finalvlog @safefromsin @blissfcl @donewithhope @gcdsaved @paternosis @you and your mom

CLASSIC.

black and white. powder puffs. red lipstick. winged eyeliner. white kitten heels. black lace lingerie. icy blue eyes. rain.  abandoned cars.  skeletons. acid. poison. voyeurism. switchblades. strangling. overcoats. looking over your shoulder. trans-atlantic accents. private detectives. dinner parties. haunted mansions. cobwebs. perfect blonde curls. kitchen knives. shock.  cellars.  dust. ghosts. dark alleys.  empty streets. horn-rimmed glasses. radiation. zombies.  serial murder. suspicion. paranoia.  the city. witches. the devil. cannibalism. conspiracies. amulets. abject terror. the American South.  the  American  Northeast.  England. analog cameras.

CRYPTID & URBAN LEGEND.

aliens. blinding light.  dark woods. driving at night.  claw marks.  bite marks.  men in black. memory loss. dismembered bodies. sewers. flashlights.  cell  phones.  video cameras. cars with  tinted  windows. unlabeled cassette tapes. bugs. big cities.  urban crimes.  clowns. something rustling outside your window. glowing light. unsolved mysteries. suburbia.  mirrors.  the american pacific northwest.  the american midwest.  hiking. backpacking.

GOTHIC.

gaslights. corsets. ballrooms. candlelight.  mist.  starless nights.  full moons. cobbled streets. horse-drawn carriages.  mysterious strangers.  bogs. moors. forests. mountains. castles. velvet.  silver.  brass. gold. jewels. domino masks. the opera.  dangerous romances.  tragic romances.  violins. roses. lilies.  empty graves. crosses. cemeteries.  snow.  ice.  the gallows.  crows.  milk-white skin.  ambiguous illness.  fangs.  pointed nails.  something howling in the night. capes. gloves. top hats. straight razors.  lightning.  pipe organs. underground caverns. bats. mice. rats. ravens.  wolves.  cats.  pearls. attics. talismans. axes. wood. isolation in a room full of people. vampires.  werewolves. ghosts. coffins. western europe. eastern europe.  bones.  churches. catacombs. mausoleums.books.

PARANORMAL.

malevolent spirits. seances. spells. missing  bodies.  hidden graves. white noise. static.flickering lights. rings of salt. demons. poltergeists. dark histories.  old buildings.  cold air. wells. urban exploration. a dog barking at unseen things. iconoclasm. black ooze. old photographs. dark bodies of water. crucifixes. priests. possession. exorcisms. dolls.

SLASHER.

bloodbaths. massacres.  wanton nudity.  newspapers.  leather jackets. letterman jackets. converse sneakers. obscured faces.  social unrest.   bonfires. lakes. babysitters. high school. lockers. a scream in the night. dead leaves in the fall.  exhibitionism.  jack-o’-lanterns. passing shadows.  outdated television sets. nightmares. psychiatrists. hospitals. unstoppable forces. gunfire. police. landline telephones.improvised weapons. halloween.secrets.  revelations. cut wires. character masks. scrunchies. wild curls. jeering children. parties. fire. swearing. revulsion.  california.  the  american  midwest. ambulances.

THRILLER.

daylight.  fluorescent lighting.  neon lights. morgues. unwavering eye contact.   tension.  lit rooms.  empty rooms.  killer in plain sight.   a dog digging in the newly-planted flower bed.  steely gazes. paperwork. anagrams. codes. convicted killers.  missing persons.  law enforcement. federal agents. small towns.  paranoia. subdued terror.  dimly-lit parking lots.  a noise in the distance

[finalvlog-a]

Bold any your muse dislikes

Italicize anything your muse is afraid, yet enjoys

Romantic feelings | Close relationships | Death | The dark | Spiders | The unknown | Water | Heights | Intimate actions | Cuddling | Friendship | Allies | Betrayal | Emotions | Themselves | Being alone | Cramped places | Their body | Getting close to others | Fire | Alcohol | Their past | Invasive thoughts | Family | Blood | Numbness | Social interaction | Meat | Sex | Unrequited love 

Tagged by: @rookiepipebomb // thank you so much!

Tagging: @badwclv , @dcrw , @dcputyrook , @vexxaticn , @deputysaint , @gcdsaved , @blesscdbliss , @gcdsiren , @carvesin , @oddyssea , @baagha , @aithreachas , @survivedempathy , @cfdivinity , @dusnibrav , @etheryman , @paternosis , @kcptpeace , @lcstthief , @noprodigalson , @therxdpxril

[finalvlog-a]

MUSE AESTHETICS: HORROR EDITION.

BOLD WHATEVER APPLIES & tag people. add stuff & even change the format to your liking! naturally, repost; don’t reblog! TAGGED BY @masterhuntrcss TAGGING @walridiing , @rookiepipebomb , @only-we , @gcdsaved , @prophesyr , @paternosis , @inthebliss , @dcputyrook , @vexxaticn , @deputysaint , @oddyssea + anyone who wants to!

CLASSIC.

black and white. powder puffs. red lipstick. winged eyeliner. white kitten heels. black lace lingerie. icy blue eyes. rain.  abandoned cars.  skeletons. acid. poison. voyeurism. switchblades. strangling. overcoats. looking over your shoulder. trans-atlantic accents. private detectives. dinner parties. haunted mansions. cobwebs. perfect blonde curls. kitchen knives. shock.  cellars.  dust. ghosts. dark alleys.  empty streets. horn-rimmed glasses. radiation. zombies.  serial murder. suspicion. paranoia.  the city. witches. the devil. cannibalism. conspiracies. amulets. abject terror. the American South.  the  American  Northeast.  England. analog cameras.

CRYPTID & URBAN LEGEND.

aliens. blinding light.  dark woods. driving at night.  claw marks.  bite marks. men in black. memory loss. dismembered bodies. sewers. flashlights.  cell  phones.  video cameras. cars with  tinted  windows. unlabeled cassette tapes. bugs. big cities.  urban crimes.  clowns. something rustling outside your window. glowing light. unsolved mysteries. suburbia. mirrors.  the american pacific northwest.  the american midwest. hiking. backpacking.

GOTHIC.

gaslights. corsets. ballrooms. candlelight.  mist.  starless nights.  full moons. cobbled streets. horse-drawn carriages.  mysterious strangers.  bogs. moors. forests. mountains. castles. velvet.  silver.  brass. gold. jewels. domino masks. the opera.  dangerous romances.  tragic romances.  violins. roses. lilies.  empty graves. crosses. cemeteries.  snow. ice.  the gallows.  crows.  milk-white skin.  ambiguous illness.  fangs.  pointed nails.  something howling in the night. capes. gloves. top hats. straight razors. lightning.  pipe organs. underground caverns. bats. mice. rats. ravens.  wolves.  cats.  pearls. attics. talismans. axes. wood. isolation in a room full of people. vampires.  werewolves. ghosts. coffins. western europe. eastern europe.  bones. churches. catacombs. mausoleums. books.

PARANORMAL.

malevolent spirits. seances. spells. missing  bodies.  hidden graves. white noise. static. flickering lights. rings of salt. demons. poltergeists. dark histories.  old buildings.  cold air. wells. urban exploration. a dog barking at unseen things. iconoclasm. black ooze. old photographs. dark bodies of water. crucifixes. priests. possession. exorcisms. dolls.

SLASHER.

bloodbaths. massacres. wanton nudity.  newspapers.  leather jackets. letterman jackets. converse sneakers. obscured faces.  social unrest.  bonfires. lakes. babysitters. high school. lockers. a scream in the night. dead leaves in the fall.  exhibitionism.  jack-o’-lanterns. passing shadows.  outdated television sets. nightmares. psychiatrists. hospitals. unstoppable forces. gunfire. police. landline telephones. improvised weapons. halloween.secrets.  revelations. cut wires. character masks. scrunchies. wild curls. jeering children. parties. fire. swearing. revulsion.  california.  the  american  midwest. ambulances.

THRILLER.

daylight.  fluorescent lighting.  neon lights. morgues. unwavering eye contact.   tension. lit rooms.  empty rooms. killer in plain sight.  a dog digging in the newly-planted flower bed. steely gazes. paperwork. anagrams. codes. convicted killers.  missing persons.  law enforcement. federal agents. small towns.  paranoia. subdued terror. dimly-lit parking lots. a noise in the distance