#pd x 101

[nemosynth]

episode 2 - CASIO CZ-101

史上初の民生機デジタル・シンセとして一人勝ちしていたYAMAHA DXシリーズ。勝ち誇るその牙城への最初の 挑戦者として立ちはだかったのは、だが意外なことに既存のシンセ・メーカーではなかった。

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創業者たち、その名も“樫尾さん”という苗字の四兄弟に由来するメーカー“CASIO”。1970年代からハイテクな電 子計算機やコンピューターを開発製造販売し、そしてG-SHOCKなど腕時計関連で名機を輩出させたことで有名。

1979年あたり、既にYAMAHAは小型でプリセット音色のみを搭載した電子楽器“ポータブル・キーボード”を発 売予定であることをNAMM Showでアナウンスしていた。ご家庭向けにエレクトーンを小型化したような文脈で考 えていたらしく、むろん販路は正しく楽器屋さん。その予告通り初代ポータサウンドことPS-1(鍵盤Fスケール2 オクターブ半)、PS-2(同3オクターブ)、PS-3(同3オクターブ半)の三羽ガラスが発売されたのが 1980年。 だがその出鼻をくじくかのように、CASIOは初代カシオトーン“CT-201 Casiotone”を、同年1月に発売したの である。しかも販路は電気屋さん! はなから楽器を相手にしていないエンタメ志向。

世の中アナログ・シンセしかなく、ましてや翌年にその王者ROLAND Jupiter-8が出るなんて誰も知らなかった 1980年1月、なんとCT-201は既にデジタル音源を搭載。計算機メーカーが楽器を作るだなんて無謀なことをと誰もが笑ったというが、なにしろ“デジタルはカシオ”(というCMが当時ありました)。デジタル・テクノロジーが可 能にせしなんぴとたりとも追いつけない価格破壊と優れた仕様と楽しい性能で、あっというまに低価格のご家庭用 お楽しみ電子楽器ファミリー向けプリセット型キーボードという世界を築き上げ、ゲーム・チェンジャーとなった ことは周知の通り。

1980年にして既にデジタル・シンセシスを搭載したCT-201。8音ポリ4オクターブ49鍵、ベロシティには対応 せず音色エディットも不可。その代わりプリセット29音色(YAMAHA初代ポータサウンドは4音色のみ)。スピー カーを内蔵しているので音も出る自己完結型の電子鍵盤楽器。9万7千円は高いと思われるであろうが、当時のシ ンセはアナログ・シンセばっかでポリシンセと言えば何十万円、モノシンセでも10万円前後というときに、ホー ム・マーケットへ向けて電子ピアノでもオルガンでもシンセサイザーでもない8ボイス・キーボードが、しかも飛 びきりの安価で殴り込んでくるとは誰も予想だにしなかったのである。

「電卓屋」とバカにされたCASIOには、だからこそ大きな武器があった。デジタル技術と生産技術である。

当時CASIOのデジタル技術は、YAMAHAよりも５年は先をゆくものであったという。そして絶対に売れるものを徹底的に量産する。それも安定してクオリティをキープしつつ、ありえない低価格で桁外れな数で大量生産。ここで忘れていけないのは、“数撃ちゃ当たる”とよく言われるが、“数撃ちゃハズレはもっと増える”のである。ハズレ撲滅! 花形の設計開発エンジニアたちがヒーロー・インタビューに応える影で、撃って撃って撃ちまくれの檄 (ゲキ) が飛ぶ中、ハズレ撲滅のためいかに製造/資材調達/品質管理の現場の皆さんが頑張っておられるか、それは美しきにっぽんのものづくり。不良率低減の5文字こそが工業立国メイド・イン・ジャパンの生命線。卓越したプロダクション・テクノロジー、イギリス英語ではインダストリアル・テクノロジー。廉価版デジ タル音源キーボードをしかも圧倒的な台数で作るというのは、実は電卓屋CASIOが電子楽器をして量産品にまで押 し上げし歴史的メルクマールですらあった。

庶民の味方カシオトーンはあっという間に新しい市場を開き、すぐさま自動伴奏機能が付いてファミリー向けの 定番となり、光ナビゲーションはもちろん、バーコードを楽譜の代わりに読み込むバーコード・リーダー搭載モデ ルまで出現、この痛快なる常識破りっぷりが大ウケ。音色やリズム・パターンのバリエーション急拡大。YAMAHA ポータサウンドと一騎打ち。

そして“子音母音方式”とも呼ばれたカシオトーンの音源方式は、その名の通り子音と母音、つまりアタック・ト ランジェントと持続音部分という2つの音色をまさに部分音合成するものであった。カシオトーンはその後のデジ タル・シンセのあり方すらをも予見させる迫力に満ちた先駆者でもあったのである。ROMに言わばエンジニア様直 筆の手描き波形まで仕込んだらしいから、すごいねぇ。

そのCASIOが家庭用キーボードからさらに一歩踏み出し、プロ用シンセを手掛ける初めとなった、いわばパイロ ット・モデルのような機種がようやくここで紹介するCZ-101。ときに1984年11月。

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MIDIが誕生すると同時にYAMAHA DX7が発売され、あっという間にアナログ・シンセが過去の遺物として片付 けられてしまってから1年。カシオが突如として発売した同社初のシンセCZ-101。それはDXへの最初のチャレン ジャー、デジタル・シンセ対抗馬、YAMAHAにしてみれば“またお前か!”と言いたかったやも。ミニ鍵49鍵とい うかわいいフォーマット。エンド・ピンも付いてダサかっこいい肩掛けもできる。そのポップで直線的な80'sデザ インは立花ハジメによるもの。のちのポップなカラーリングになった上位機種たちに比べれば、CZ-101のそれはま だまだ地味。だが既にDXとは全くテイストの異なる外観に、CASIOがYAMAHAの対抗馬となる片鱗が見えてい た。

だがいくらカシオトーンで成功していたとはいえ、さらにそこからいきなりヲタでニッチなデジタル・シンセへ と跳躍するには、持ち前の大量生産技術だけにとどまらないCASIOなりの勝算があったはずである。

まず計算機メーカーだったカシオは、その中枢となるデジタル演算を行うICチップなんぞいくらでもNECや日立 などから買うことができる大口の大得意様であった。というのも電子楽器のために特化したICを作るとなると、仕 様が特殊であるだけでなく計算機などと比べても圧倒的に販売台数が少なく採算割れするため、作ってすらもらえ ない。だが電卓屋カシオは既にチップ・メーカーからすれば御大尽さまご贔屓さま、むしろどんどんチップ・メー カーの方からさまざまな売り込みがあったはず。事実CZ-101には他社に作ってもらったICがたくさん搭載され、そ れでもって音源回路となした。電卓屋カシオ面目躍如!

また徹底してコスト・ダウンすべく鍵盤におもりやスプリングなど付けることもなく、鍵盤下に敷いたゴム・ス イッチそのものにいきなり鍵盤を載っけて直接支えさせ、ぷにゅぷにゅ言わすことで鍵盤の反発力を生じさせてい る! すなわちYAMAHAのように楽器屋さんとしてのプライドと歴史からタッチ・センスにこだわるのではなく、 逆転の発想でタッチ・センスを省くことでしがらみから解放され、画期的にコスト・ダウンして斬り込んできたの である。しかも打鍵の強弱に左右されないおかげで、誰が弾いても一定のクオリティとなるを担保。旧態依然とし た楽器にとらわれない、計算機メーカーならではの自由な発想であろう。

さらにカシオトーンに欠かせない自動伴奏機能からヒントを得たのであろう、マルチ音源化。そしてお得意のミニ鍵でもって設計リスクの小さなパイロット機種となし、かくしてCZ-101はCASIO初の量産型シンセとして、しかもアナログ・シンセではなくいきなりのデジタル・シンセとして飛び出した。

「Xの次はZだ!」

デジタルYAMAHAへの挑戦状を最初にたたきつけた思わぬ伏兵、CASIO CZシリーズ。ラインナップ急拡大。しかもヤマハDX9の失敗を見て、19万8千円がタッチ・センスなし機種として許される上限価格と見極めたのであろう、フラッグシップ・モデルCZ-5000とCZ-1とが、共に19万8千円で誕生。楽曲制作かプレイヤー志向かの二者 択一。史上2番目の民生機デジタルは、だがタッチ・センス無きビンテージ・アナログの戦略を踏襲しつつ、それ を画期的にデジタルで換骨奪胎して提示してみせた知恵者であった。

同じことは、カシオ独自のPD音源(Phase Distortion Synthesis)にも言える。FM音源と同じく位相変調方式 であり、サイン波の代わりにコサイン波を使うことでYAMAHAにシバかれた音源方式。だが、傍目にはただのデジ タル化された減算方式にしか見えぬ。DCO→DCW→DCAというフローに隠されたモジュレーターとキャリア。 DCWに至ってはDigital Controlled Waveという名の謎のモジュール。計33種類に達する音源波形なるものがもた らす音の多彩さは、とてもアナログ・シンセの比でない。レゾナント波形もあるばかりか、パルス波1波/サイン 波1波/ノコギリ波1波の3つが交互に出現するという、キテレツな波形もある。

そればかりでない。CASIOの鋭さは、アナログであればカットオフとEGデプスに分化しているパラメーターを一 つにまとめた合理化センスにもある。前例主義や様式美なお作法に対し、ちゃんと注意を払って革新しているので ある。トドメはYAMAHAですら採用しなかった8ステップのエンベロープ・ジェネレーターを、しかも音程、音色、音量の3ブロック個別に持つことで、アタック・トランジェントすらをもEGで自作できるというぜいたくさと 柔軟さを誇ったこと。すなわちトランペットを吹くときに唇が震えるリップ・ノイズ、撥弦楽器の弦のビビリなど など、のちのサンプルのような鏡写しでは無いにしても、キッチュながらリアルな独自のキャラを持つに至った。 アナログな音も、デジタルな音も、サンプラーのような音までもが出る万能シンセ! それがこんなちっちゃいボ ディで乾電池で駆動までできる! シンセ界のスイス・アーミー・ナイフのような機種、それが驚きの隠し玉CZ- 101。

かくして音創りしやすい減算方式にしか見えないのに、新しい音がするところにデジタルが切り拓く未来があっ た。しかもサンプラーではなくシンセであり、PCMでもないが故、かえって自由に音創��できたところはシンセの 本分をよくとらえている。リング変調やノイズ変調まであり、CZシリーズ上位機種に至ってはぜいたくな三相コー ラスを備えるなど、画期的コスパも発揮。

なお、DCOという言葉が使われているが、本来DCOとはピッチのみをデジタル制御させたアナログ・オシレータ ーを意味する。だがCASIOが言うDCOとは実はDCOではなく、フル・デジタル・オシレーターであり、すなわち DOとも言うべきもの。この混同が、他のDCOシンセをしてVCO原理主義者アナログ・シンセ警察から“音が薄 い”などと因縁を付けられる要因になったやも。よもやクラブ・ミュージックにおいてCZの音が“デジタルなのにあ ったかい”などと重宝されることになろうとは、一体誰が思い描けたことであろう。

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一連のCZシリーズを展開する傍ら、CASIOは史上初の16ビット・サンプリング・シンセFZ-1、高橋幸宏のタイ コの音を搭載した言わばシグネチャー・モデルみたいなサンプリング・リズムマシンRZ-1、同じく幸宏が開発にか かわったデジタル・ドラム・セットDZ、音符マークが付いたボタンまで搭載し分かりやすい単体シーケンサーSZ- 1、なんとMIDIスルー・ボックスTB-1に至るまで、一気に電子楽器ラインナップを広げた。CZ-101から4年後には 次世代��デル、それもフルモジュラーなiPD音源(interactive Phase Distortion Synthesis)搭載デジタル・シ ンセVZ-1や、同音源を搭載したギター・シンセPGシリーズまで投入。

さらにはアドバイザーだった冨田勲のために和製Synclavier的な巨大ワークステーション・システム“Cosmo Synthesizer”も制作している。これはCZ-101に先行する極めて大規模な実験機種であり、MS-DOSマシンを中核 とし、PD音源モジュール8基、サンプラー音源モジュール2基が組み込まれたラック・タワーがそびえ、波形も音 色もシーケンスも専用PCエディターで編集し制御するのであった。それを冨田勲さんはメディアアート・イベン ト“アルス・エレクトロニカ”の一環としてオーストリアはリンツのドナウ河畔で開かれた超巨大立体音響野外コン サートに使った。CZシリーズが別名“コスモ・シンセサイザー”と称されるのは、これに由来する。

最初にMIDI規格を立ち上げたときにはかんでいなかったCASIOが、さりげなくCZを4パート・マルチティンバ ー仕様にしてきたことも先を見越した鋭さであろう。MIDI制定にカシオは関与してこなかったのに、それでいてそ の本質を見抜いた慧眼(けいがん)はやはり初めからデジタルに強いメーカーならでは。先述のCZ-5000はマルチ 音源であることを利用し、KORG M1に先駆けたワークステーション・シンセとなった。このマルチティンバーを生 かした進化形には SD音源(Spectrum Dynamics Synthesis)を搭載したシンセHZシリーズからHTシリーズへ と進化した“自動伴奏シンセ”まであった。

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史上初のデジタル・シンセとして一人勝ちしていたYAMAHA DXシリーズ。勝ち誇るその牙城への最初の挑戦者 として立ちはだかったのは、だが意外なことに既存のシンセ・メーカーではなかった。YAMAHAに挑み、その好敵 手となったのは実は門外漢だったはずのCASIOであった。

得意のデジタル・テクノロジーでもってシンセ界に殴り込んできたカシオ。他社がデジタル化に乗り遅れうろた えているときに、逆にしょっぱなからデジタルで斬り込んできたCASIO。楽しく音楽するためには、必ずしもシン セは楽器でなくてもいいと見抜いていたCASIO。楽器たるしがらみにこだわったYAMAHAとは真逆に、楽器メーカ ーでは無いからこそお気楽に楽しめる別な楽器の世界があると知っていたCASIO。優れたプロダクション・テクノ ロジーでもって親しみやすさ分かりやすさを命題としたCASIO。お高くとまった楽器にきっついブローをかました CASIOは、その実フレンドリーな庶民の味方であった。

外様だったはずのCASIOが暗に掲げたのは、楽器の民主化であった。いや、外様だったからこそ楽器の民主化を 掲げたのであろう。CASIOが実現したのは既存メーカーがなし得なかった価格破壊だけでない。CZを踏まえて登場 した自動伴奏シンセを、だっさいなどと思うことなかれ。弾くのがややこしい伴奏もノー・プロブレム、マルチテ ィンバー音源とマルチトラック・シーケンサーとの組み合わせでもって、そうとは感じさせることなく機械が人間 を自然にアシスト。

人と機械との親密でフレンドリーで幸せな関係、それを理屈抜きで分かりやすく提示する。アトムやドラえもん がいる日本ならではの、機械が人間と共存する理想的な関係。いずれたどりつくであろうその未来はAI vs 人間で はない。AI が勝つのでも人間が勝つのでも無い。ポジティブな“ウィズ AI”。そんな未来に至ることになろう一歩 二歩を、エンタメ楽器ならではの切り口で分かりやすく平べったく描いたのが、市民感覚CASIOの楽器であった。 つまりそれは、楽器であることを棄ててもまだ楽器、おつむのおカタい楽器に一石を投じる新しい楽器の産声であ った。

CASIOは、えらい!

（2021年9月21日Sound&Recording公式サイト初出）

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My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Can I get a Halstead sister story where she has an serious accident and Jay and Will have an massive argument blaming each other.

Thanks for the request! I loved writing this one and I hope I did it justice!

Halstead Brothers x Halstead!sister Lee Henry x Halstead!sister

The Name of the Game

Being the youngest Halstead had it’s perks. For one you had the majority of the Cities first responders wrapped around your finger. Seriously though your first two boyfriends didn’t know what hit them after they broke your heart. Another thing was bullies left you alone for the most part. No one really wanted to feel the wrath that was Uncle Voight and Uncle Boden. 

Although as much as you enjoyed being the youngest Halstead, sometimes you hated it.  Like today. 

It wasn’t your fault Lee Henry had decided to challenge you to a tree climbing race while you were at the friends of firefighters barbeque. Sure, you were 15 and didn’t need to be climbing trees, but you just couldn’t stop yourself. 

The name of the game was to see who could climb the tree the fastest and you had just witnessed Lee Henry climb with the time of 2 minutes. 

“Beat that Halstead” he laughed while jumping to the ground. Tossing him your phone, you smirked and stated, “gladly.” and began pulling yourself up. 

Lee Henry had watched as you grabbed branch by branch until you were almost to the top. 

He took his eyes off of you for less than a second to check the time - which was impressively at 1 minute 15 seconds. When all of a sudden he heard the unmistakable sound of a branch breaking followed by a thud. 

Looking up he noticed you on the ground unconscious and in a very uncomfortable looking position. 

“Shit!” screamed Lee while running to your side. “Y/N! Wake up!”  he called while slapping and shaking you. When you didn’t stir, he got scared. Looking around he noticed his dad flipping burgers on the grill in a corner, while talking to Jay and Ritter. Feeling uneasy about having to come clean about what happened, he looked at you and shook you one more time. When you didn’t stir, he groaned, scrambled to his feet and ran screaming , “Dad!”

Christopher Herrman was flipping burgers while chatting with Jay Halstead and Darren Ritter, when he heard his son’s heavy footsteps and a scream!

“Dad! Dad!” his son panted when he got closer. 

“What’s wrong Lee?” Herrman asked while putting a hand on his son’s shoulder. 

“Y/N uh we were uh shit uh, it’s all my fault” he stuttered while pointing and making hand gestures miming what happened. 

Jay, who had been half listening up till this point, dropped to his knees and looked Lee Henry in the eyes and calmly asked, “Lee, what happened to Y/N?”

Pushing the tears back, Lee took a breath and began, “we were racing to see who could climb the tree the fastest. I looked away for a minute and the branch broke and she fell out of the tree. She hasn’t regained consciousness. I’m sorry Uncle Jay.”

Sighing, Jay looked at Ritter and Hermann, “It’s okay Lee” he said and he patted Hermann on the back before running towards his sister. Ritter following close behind. 

As Jay and Ritter got closer, they noticed you were finally coming around. Quickly dropping to your side, Jay pushed gently back to the ground, while Ritter started clearing your C-Spine. 

“Jay?” you asked confused. 

“Stay down Y/N, Ritter is just checking you over” calmly stated your brother while running a hand through your hair. 

Furrowing your brow, you frowned, “What happened?” 

“You fell out of the tree. But you’ll be okay” smiled Jay. 

After that, nothing was spoken between the three of you. Until Ritter broke the silence, “Jay, C-Spine is clear, but you really should get her to Med. I think she broke her arm and maybe her leg. But she definitely has a concussion.”

While Ritter was getting up, Jay thanked him and waited til he was out of ear shot to speak to you again. 

“So kid, how about we go see Will at Med”

You nodded and began to try and get up, only to be stopped by Jay. 

“I’ll carry you. It’ll be faster” and with that he picked you up bridal style and carried you to his truck. 

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214 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

#4

You’re Okay

Jay Halstead x Halstead!Sister (includes Sarah Reese) Requested: yes A/N: I don’t have OCD myself, but I did a bunch of research to make sure I was portraying it respectfully. I hope the way I wrote this came off respectfully.

“Jay, I really don’t understand why we are here? I’m fine,” Y/N stated from her spot on the gurney. You were sat up in a treatment room in the ED of Chicago Med in a gown and in the socks you and your friends affectionately called ‘grippy socks’, with your big brother. Outside your room was a nurse sitting in a chair watching your room like a hawk.

“Y/N, like I told you the last time you asked, we are here cause I’m worried about you. You are always repeating the same task over and over again, get agitated when I or Will mess up the task and you seem to be more anxious than usual. Now relax and watch whatever this is” Jay stated while gesturing lazily to the small TV in the corner of the room playing some show about a ladybug superhero. 

Leaning back against your pillow, you played with your admission bracelet and thought about how you ended up here. 

You were sitting in your room tracing all the corners your walls created with your eyes, when you heard Jay get home. You began to hear Will chatting with Jay and you knew he was snitching on you. You were mad sure, but another part of you was sure that nothing would come of it. Next thing you knew the front door could be heard being slammed shut and Jay knocked on your bedroom door. 

“Y/N, I think we need to talk” he stated when he walked into your room. 

You just kept tracing the corners of your walls. 

“Y/N, look at me, I need to talk to you”

Blinking, you looked at Jay with a pissed off face and huffed out, “you messed me up. Now I have to start again!” And then you diverted your eyes and began tracing the corners of the walls again. 

“I talked to Will, he thinks you should get a psych eval at Med.” continued Jay, testing the waters. You just ignored him and kept your task going. 

“Like tonight,” he added. 

And next thing you knew you were in the back of your brother’s pickup truck with the kid safe locks on. 

The ED that night was rather slow - it was 10pm. After getting admitted, you were taken into a small room away from Jay. The nurse began taking your temperature, pricked your finger for some blood, and took your height and weight. After that, you were moved to a gurney in the hallway next to the nurses station. The nurse told you they were prepping a room for you and would call Jay back for you. 

20 minutes later - after a doctor came by and checked your lungs and heart - you were moved into a room. 

“I’m going to need you to change into this gown and these socks. And everything you have on you needs to go into this bag, okay sweetheart?” calmly stated the nurse while laying the gown, socks, and plastic bag on the bed.

Once you were changed and all your’s and Jay’s belongings  collected, you were sitting on the bed watching whatever show the nurse had switched on for you, when you looked over at Jay and asked, “Jay why are we here? I’m fine. This is all so unnecessary.” 

Jay sighed, “humor me” and with that you began staring at the nurse outside your room.

“Y/N, I’m going to step out for a little while, just so Dr. Reese can evaluate you.” said Jay pulling you out of your thoughts. You nodded and waved as he exited and closed the door. 

Reese walked over to your brothers chair and sat down, 

“So Y/N, I know this can seem really scary having a psych eval, but trust me it’s super painless.”

“Okay,” you smiled. 

Reese crossed her legs and picked up her clipboard and smiled, “okay, so I’ll ask you some basic questions first. So do you know why you're here tonight in the ED?”

“I have way to overprotective brothers who think I need a psych eval because I’m too anxious” Y/N easily replied. 

You watched as Reese checked something on her clipboard and then she asked, “Do you know the day, month, and year?”

“July 31st, 2022” you hummed out. 

Reese smiled again, “you're doing great so far Y/N. Have you consumed alcohol in the past two week?” 

You shook your head, “wouldn’t dare to”

Reese chuckled and continued, “Have you done drugs in the past two weeks?”

Shaking your head you added, “With a cop for a brother? I don’t have a death wish”

See the full post

220 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

#3

Rough Night

Hailey x Jay x Halstead!sister When the reader has a rough day she goes to Jay but ends up getting help from Hailey.  Warning: mentions of panic attacks, anxiety, mentions of self harm (not graphic more on the vague side of things)

Please know that you are loved and people care about you! If you are struggling please reach out to someone you trust!

‘Please be home. Please be home’ you thought to yourself while you knocked on your brother’s door. You hadn’t had a bad night in just a little over 3 months, but you woke up this morning and felt like it was going to be one. You had tried to enact your safety plan. You put on your comfy outfit ~ your ‘we’ll all just be skeletons one day’ pajama pants that had pockets and your oversized sweatshirt Will had given you. ~ you also tried to distract yourself the majority of the day by watching your comfort shows. 

But now it was nearing 9pm and you could feel yourself spiraling and knew you had to get out of your apartment. Instead of calling Jay to let him know you were coming, you decided to just walk to his place. The walk over should have been easy, but you felt on edge and were constantly looking over your shoulder. 

Now here you stood in front of his door on the verge of tears just wanting to be in the embrace of your favorite big brother. 

“Y/N?!” questioned Hailey as she opened the door. 

‘Fuck! Jay either wasn’t home or Hailey and him were in the middle of something’ you thought.

“What’s going on?” inquired Hailey as she saw your change of facial expression.

“Uh, is Jay here?” you felt your voice waver as you spoke. 

“He actually just ran to the store” responded Hailey.

Looking behind you, you shifted on your feet before looking down at the horrid maroon carpet that was in the hallway of Jay’s apartment complex. “Oh, I’ll just go then” you said.

As you turned to walk away, Hailey called out, “Hey! You can come in if you want. He should be right back.”

You smiled and nodded as she led you inside. Once she closed the door she walked you to the couch and the two of you sat down. 

“Is this a ‘only my big brother can help me’ situation, or can I get in the loop?” asked Hailey, breaking the silence. 

You pulled your knees up to your chest and sighed, “I’m not sure if you would understand.”

“You could always say it to me and if I can’t help, then we can just wait for Jay.”

“Ok,” you began. 

Breathing you laid back and went criss cross applesauce in your spot and began to explain. 

“So, ever since I started college, I’ve been on meds for Anxiety. I haven’t had a bad day or a full blown panic attack since getting on the meds. But 2 months ago, I had a really rough night and Jay ended up walking me off the edge. I’ve been doing really well since then. I haven’t been so overwhelmed with life and have taken a step back from certain things, and I even made it one month clean for the first time in a year and half, but uh I don’t know I woke up today and just felt off. I enacted my safety plan but I just am so overwhelmed! Everyone is telling me to be happy since happy things are happening such as me graduating in a week and all of these other things, but I’m more overwhelmed and - and” and before you knew it the hoover dam in your eyes finally broke and you were sobbing. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay to be overwhelmed! I totally understand what you're going through!” soothed Hailey while pushing back your hair.

“Really? But you're so confident and badass” you sobbed. 

Chuckling to herself, Hailey spoke softly, “I wasn’t always this confident. I too was plagued with anxiety and was on meds for a while.”

Wiping the back of your hand under your nose, you smiled, “really?”

Smiling, Hailey added, “really. And can I let you in on a little secret?”

You nodded. 

“I’m also in recovery” she whispered. 

Your eyes went wide! You couldn’t believe the badass, confident cop who was banging your brother was also in recovery, “What!?!” You exclaimed!

Hailey nodded and laughed, “yea, for 10 years. It does get easier, the urges will die down and it also helps to have a good support system. Which it seems like you have.”

“10 years?!? I can’t even envision making it past 1 year!” you whispered. 

See the full post

253 notes - Posted April 23, 2022

#2

Heart Rate

Connor Rhodes x Reader Requested: @kp9983 I was wondering if you’d write where reader works as a veterinary technician and passes out at work so shes brought into the ED and they page him down to check her out to make sure it’s not a heart issue (it can be something super simple) and when he’s listening to her heart it speeds up because he makes her nervous being so close cause he’s cute so he starts flirting with her?

Warning: hospital jargon 

Thank you for the request! I loved this idea and I hope I did it justice! This was also my first time writing flirting, so I hope it’s good!

It was never a struggle to get out of bed when the best boyfriend in the whole world, laid next to you! But for some reason today was extra difficult for Y/N. Chalking it up to just soreness from yoga from the night before, she finally lifted her body up and out from under the sheets. Sitting on her knees facing her pillow, she looked at the sleeping form next to her and smiled. ‘Today will be a good day’ you  thought to yourself and she finally got out of bed. 

Once in the bathroom, you pulled out some Motrin and popped a few tablets in. You then repeated the same mantra from earlier.

Getting ready for work was slow, for some reason everything ached and all you wanted to do was lie back down, but when you worked as a vet tech duty calls!

At work you saw your pet patients and loved every second of it. Your body still aches but how can you be in a sour mood when you're surrounded by animals all day. 

“Y/N, I’m going to order lunch from the Thai place that just opened up around the corner, want anything?” asked your fellow tech and best friend Andrea. 

Looking up from the desk, you smiled and responded, “I’m fine, I’m not really hungry, but thanks for the offer” 

“Okay,” replied Andrea as she grabbed her purse and headed towards the door. 

You waited til the door swung shut before pulling the drawer next to you open. You reached inside and grabbed the bottle of Motrin. You took two more tablets and then quickly threw the bottle back in the drawer and shut the drawer. 

Looking at the clock on the wall, it read 11:45am, ‘5 more hours Y/N. You got this! Today is going to be a good day’ you thought to yourself. 

At that moment the door swung open to reveal a female with her mountain cur feist dog.

Getting up to greet them, you all of a sudden felt a wave of dizziness wash over you and before you could utter the words, ‘good morning’ you hit your head on the desk and fell to the floor, unconscious. 

Waking up, you didn’t feel achy anymore and you felt yourself lean into the soft bed. ‘Did Andrea let you -’ 

Before you could finish your thought the curtain was pulled back and Dr. Ethan Choi was standing in front of you. 

“Y/N, glad to see you’ve regained consciousness. Do you remember what happened?” asked Choi.

“I was achy and then got dizzy, but I don’t remember passing out” you answered. 

As he began to check your vitals he spoke, “that’s okay, has this happened before?”

Stifling a laugh you respond, “What? Fainting? No”

Dr. Choi began to write something down on the tablet and then spoke to you, “You don’t have a concussion or anything, but I do want to get Connor down here to do an EKG to see if it had anything to do with your heart”

You nodded. You really didn’t think it was necessary for your boyfriend to have to look at your heart, but considering Connor was the top radiologist at Med, you weren’t complaining. 

“You sit tight,” stated Choi as he stepped out to call for Connor. 

“Today was supposed to be a good day” you whispered to yourself. 

“And it still will be,” exclaimed Connor as he pulled back the curtain and walked up next to you. 

“I don’t know why this is all necessary,” you pouted. 

Connor took his stethoscope and put it under your shirt. You felt your heart beating faster due to having your boyfriend's hand under your shirt. 

He stopped what he was doing and looked at you, “Y/N, I’m not going to be able to get an accurate read if your heart is beating faster than it was a few seconds ago” Connor stated. 

“It’s not my fault,” you shot back. 

See the full post

344 notes - Posted April 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Family

Requested by: @kp9983

I was thinking reader being jay and will halsteads child sister and they both are on shift so they ask Kelly to watch her not realizing she’s sick because she tried to hide it to not trouble anyone until she’s very sick and has to tell Kelly so he takes her to med calling both brothers and they come and comfort her because she’s really emotional since she feels guilty over bothering them at work

Jay x Will x Halstead!sister x Firehouse 51 Y/N age: 7

Thanks for the request, I hope you like it!

“Let’s go kiddo! Will and I both have to get to work and we need to drop you by the firehouse before we do,” called your older brother Jay. 

Normally you would be ecstatic to be spending the day with Firehouse 51, but today you woke up and your tummy hurt like heck. But you really wanted to spend the day with 51 and Tuesday! So you suck it up, jump off your bed and fast walk into the hallway, where your brothers are putting on their shoes. 

“Come on, Y/N, sit on the ground and we can put on your shoes,” stated Jay as he helped you sit on the ground. 

He walked away for a second and then reappeared with your twinkle toe shoes and your converse. “Which ones?” he asked. Taking your time to choose, your mouth curved up and down while you thought. Finally pointing to the converse and stating confidently, “those ones!”Jay helped you put them on and you guys were off!

“Thanks again Kelly! I didn’t realize Will had picked up an extra shift this week,” explained Jay, when he dropped you off.

“Not a problem, we love the kid like our own, you know that!” replied Kelly, as he placed a hand on the top of your head and smiled. 

After Jay left, you ran and high fived all the firefighters and even Tuesday!

Hermann lifted you up and stated, “the firehouse made pancakes, do you want any?”

You thought for a moment, remembering how your tummy hurt and decided in that little 7 year old brain of yours that pancakes probably weren’t a good idea. 

“No thank you,” you sighed, remembering to add the ‘thank you’ part from what Will had taught you. 

The firefighters who were around, looked at Hermann and shared the same facial expression. You never turned down pancakes! 

“Are you feeling okay kiddo?” asked Mouch. 

“Yea, they are really good, we even got some with blueberries in them,” added Mills, who had made those ones special just for you. 

You sighed and thought, maybe if you ate something the hurt in your tummy would go away. 

“Okay, 1 pancake” you say sadly. 

The firefighters erupt in excitement and Hermann throws you in the air! “Let’s go kiddo!” and everyone walks towards the kitchen!

After breakfast, you decided to lay down in the sleeping quarters. Of course Mills let you sleep in his bed, because he, much like the other firefighters, saw you as his little sister. But laying there, you found your tummy didn’t just hurt anymore, but now it felt like it was on fire! And you were beginning to feel hot and cold. 

As much as you didn’t want to leave, you slid off the bed and went in search of Kelly or Hermann to tell them you needed to go home. 

However before you reached the kitchen, you heard the all too familiar bells and alarms sound, insinuating that there was a fire. So you sighed and walked back to the sleeping quarters to lie down and hope the pain stopped on its own. 

You laid in Mill’s bed for what felt like hours, staring at the wall beside you, trying to control your breathing when you began to see black spots painting the wall. The next thing you knew you saw total darkness. 

When you awoke, your tummy didn’t hurt anymore, but you felt a cool feeling in your right hand. Looking down, you noticed an IV (that’s what Will told you it was called). 

“Y/N! You're awake” cried Jay, as he jumped up from the chair next to you and hugged you!

When he released the hug, he looked at you and smiled sadly. 

“What happened Jay Jay?” you asked, not remembering coming to the hospital. 

He scooted the chair close to your bed and held your hand and spoke, “You had appendicitis” 

See the full post

386 notes - Posted April 28, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nityarawal]

9/18/2024

Grok The Numbers

(Numbers Station)

Morning Songs

Eclipse Was Soft

Like A Dandelion Weed

Soft

Sparkly

It Came Over Me

The Eclipse

Camping In My Car

On A Mountain Top

Like A Treehouse

Warm By Candlelight

40's Cold Nights

The Eclipse

Of The Blood Red Moon

My Phone Was Charged

What Did It Reveal

The Inner Consciousness

Of My Physiology

Took Precedence

Transcendence

Heat Over Came Me

Dandelion Fluffs

Pushed The

Trumpleberry Toxins

Out Of My Tufts

Elon Won't Stop Shooting

Rockets

Is It The Dyke Clicques

He Lost His Rocket

Emoji

And Just Says "Yeah,"

On Podcasts

He Loves His Followers

On X

So He Comments

"Yeah,"

And "Whoa,"

"Wow,"

He Loves His Followers

On X

So He Comments

"Wow,"

44 Billion Communion

With The Masses

Or Do You Think

It's The Dyke Clicque

Moderating

At T.I.T.T.S Again

On Foul Play

For The Trumpers

They're Sold Out

To Airforce

They Threw A Knife

Down In My

Driveway

And Beckoned Me

With Violent

Invitations

Bullying

If You Want To Be

A Rockstar

Or President

You Need

A Defense Team

Taylor's Marched

Out In Leotards

With Old Swifty Mom

Arranged Superbowl

Dollies

What We're We Ever

Jealous Of

These Celebrities

Who Lost Their Right

To Tea

They're Just Juggling

Bean Counters

For The Old Man's

Team

We're So Bored

Of The Bimbos

Perverted Conservators

Physicists Want

Better

We're So Bored

Of Plastic T.I.T.T.S

And Now You Give

Us

Seventy Million

Transgenders

Military Made

Presents

A Colassal

Mistake

Military Lied

When They Stole

Your Kids

As An Alibi

Military Lied

When They Cut

His Junk

Castrated Your

Kid For Court

And Plied Your

Baby Mammas

With Addoral

Military Lied

With 40% Rapes

So Much More

It's Closer To 90%

With Wars

Check The Data Intake

Fakes

And We Witnessed

The Waste

Military Lied

Gaza Had Forty Thousand

Dead In April

Do We Just Triple

DA Numbers

Or Quadruple

Military Lied

Kamala Wants A Real

Mom

She Hemmorhaged

Our Money

And Our Kids

Willie's Too

Kamala Wants

A Deal

On Genocide

She Always Does

Amateur Law

Degree 101

Kamala Wants

A Deal

Mrs. Emhoff

Wants Your Junk

With The Dr. Biden Nanny

That Groomed Their

Son

You Gonna Stand

Up For America

Or Lay Down With

Israel

Kamala Wants Your

Junk

Trumpleberry Took

Your Homes

Hoping For Games

Celebrity Singers

To Trump His Campaign

While He Checks Out

By Force

He Been Raped

By Transvestites

Cyberbeast Looters

Loomering

The Magicians

Remember

We Been Raped

By Second Gentleman

And Friends

And We Won't Take

That Moldy

Grandpa Asunder

We Been Raped

Violated At Large

I Didn't Want

Mark Milton's

Dirty Hands On Me

Byron Katie

Mediators

Or Mark Ritchie

"Daughtery"

Or Any Of Your Mark's

Terrorists

And Certainly Not

12 Dykes Drooling

Shedding All Over Me

And My Blood Red

Moon

I Didn't Want

Christopher Stapleton

To Defend Me

From His Foul Colleagues

He Failed Time And

Time Again

Since Jay Curatolo And Olesya

Adam's

Russian PD Mail Order Brides

A Pathetic Doppleganger

Public Defender

Who Most Certainly

Mollested His Kids

With Boss Mathew Roberts

I Didn't Want

Eight Years

Of Grooming

For Muskies

While He Fluttered

With Talulalah

On A Castration

Damages

From English

Monarchy

Old Moldy Fettishes

Gone With The

Queen

I Didn't Want

Jaima

To Steal My Kids

At Space-X

I Didn't Want

Molly To Laugh

And Headhunt

My Colleagues

With Adam

I Didn't Want

Hollie To Do A

Cowgirl Dance

For Marijuana

For Her Marine

Chris DearHeart

Farm

While My Kids

We're Raped

On Political

Circumstance

I Don't Want To

Sponsor

Adam Steck's

Trannys

His Australian

Gigolos

For 'Thunder From

Down Under'

Nor His European

Hasbeens

Sexslaves

Matchmaking Scams

We Don't Want

Your Invitro Moms

Bought

We Wish You Hadn't

Violated Her

It's Not Cheap

To Give Gay Attys

Kids

And No One Wants

A Gay Man

In The Bathroom

No One Wants A Gay

Man In Puberty

Around Kids

No One Wants

Gay Man For

President

Kidnapping

Our Kids

In Transgender

Crimes

No One Wanted

To Be Drafted

For Kamala's

Slave

Or Alibi

Maya And Meena

Are Done

Ella Retired

And Went To Bat

For Gaza

Brat

Fundraising

From Seventy Million

Detransitioners

You'll Have To

Answer To That

#4BillionMothersStrong

#Nitya4Eternity

One Billion Dead

1/8th Of Global Population

You're At Our

Mercy

One Million Americans

Gone

Or Is It True

Alot Of People

Crying On YouTube

Brazil Suing

To Hide

What Did They Do

Grok The Numbers

Give Us The Casualties

Grok The Numbers

Data Knows

Missing Persons

Jane Does'

Grok The Numbers

John Does'

And Settle Today

Twelve Trillion

Annually

Pissed Away By Boys'

Club

Yes We're Tallying

Everything

Best Be

Flowing The

Children

Other Way

Back To Moms

Home

Mercy

Peace & Love Eternal,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal

Encinitasbeachhome.com

@elonmuskfanslounge @elonmuskdaily @elonmuskparody @teslamotorsblog @cybertruck @grokwrites-blog

#Grok #NumbersStation #Nitya4Eternity #4BillionMothersStrong

[acaiasahi]

so funny story, I got recommended atbo literally the day after I sent my last ask, and I kinda sorta definitely went on a rabbit hole and yea...I love them.

wait bin w a s n t supposed to be in the lineup? I would've never known, he is crazy talented 😭 i won't be watching the survival show tho bc they always break my heart <3 not ONE survival show hasn't left me crying. I also didn't know they debuted so recently! These boys were fighting to be in a group and i didnt even know they existed- n tagalog is such a pretty language! I'm glad he speaks it bc any foreign member in a kpop group is rare. I'm glad it's becoming more common now though. do NOT apologize for ranting this was v good to know! and I think I might need help with their names n faces LMAO 😞 I can't tell who's who but they're all wonderful regardless. I do remember ryu bc he's the one in your header, that's as far as I got sigh

— 🐞

aur ma gawd, my sweet lil ladybug anon!! hope u've been well!! but yasss binnie wasn't supposed to be in the original lineup, donghwa was!!! he got kicked out of atbo bc of bullying scandals (which i haven't rly checked up on so i'm neutral idk anything abt it LOL) but forealzies, i literally cannot watch survival shows, esp after pd 101 szn 2, pd x 101, and ygtb like THOSE WERE THE WORST YEARS FOR ME BROOO same w the howling, i had such a hard time watching it bc they're all so talented n contribute a lot to make &audition what it is... esp since ma boy gaku and hayate didn't make the final cut like GTFO MY FACE NEOW. i'm literally so heartbroken so i only watched clips of the howling and tbh, they should've js debuted all tgt but yk, hybe's full of haters!!! but going back to atbo, i do hope they get popular soon bc they're sooo talented. btw, my header pic is yuma from &team! :D

anyways, here's atbo's profile :3 (u can also check out the link!)

oh junseok. — 03/03/2003. leader, sub rapper.

ryu junmin. — 04/05/2003. vocalist.

bae hyunjun. — 06/06/2003. rapper.

seok rakwon. — 11/14/2003. vocalist, sub rapper.

jeong seunghwan. — 01/27/2004. dancer, vocalist.

kim yeonkyu. — 05/03/2004. vocalist.

won bin. — 07/01/2004. maknae, vocalist.

from left to right: junseok, junmin, hyunjun, rakwon, seunghwan, yeonkyu, won bin.

[xerographx]

blue beige woodz - solo moodboard.

by xerographx. heart if used. ctto for photos.

[justrepoststuff]

🖤🖤🖤

[clowninyourfeed]

What the fuck

Hangyul got some big ass titties though 👀

[x1-blog]

X1 members height

[from the tallest to the smallest member]

Han Seungwoo: 184cm

Cho Seungyoun: 183cm

Kang Minhee: 185cm

Kim Yohan: 181cm

Nam Dohyon: 180cm

Lee Eunsang: 179cm

Cha Junho: 178cm

Lee Hangyul: 176cm

Song Hyeongjun: 174cm

Kim Wooseok: 173cm

Son Dongpyo: 166cm

[lublycho]

Just give me a call || Kim Yohan

→ Words: 3,896

→  Genre: angsty fluff

→ Pairing: Kim Yohan x Reader.

→ Request: Based on this request.

→ Summary:  In which you are being followed by a creepy stranger, and the first number you happen to dial to help rescue you is Yohan’s…The boy who had been waiting for you to call him for weeks.

*Y/L/N means your last name.

________________________________________

There was something stuck in your shoe. It was nothing too big, but nothing small enough to ignore either. It had gotten stuck on your way home, when you had taken the gravel laden walkway as a shortcut. You would stop and empty your shoes of the wretched thing but it was too dark to see, thus you opted to keep walking instead.

The darkness was one of the two reasons why you couldn’t stop. The second being the constant thud of footfall behind you. You didn’t know to whom the loud footsteps belonged, but upon a glance, you figured it was an average-heighted guy, clad in all black who bore the responsibility of the loud thuds.

He had been following you ever since you left a cafe a while ago. You had ignored him at first, thinking it was just someone who happened to be going in the same direction as yours. But you realized you’d gotten a stalker on your tail after you’d taken a reasonable number of twists and turns and still found him dwelling in the misty darkness environing you. He was the reason you had taken the shortcut in the first place, in hopes of losing his trail. But to your dismay, the footsteps behind you never dulled. They only grew louder.

It didn’t bother you at first. In the hustle bustle of the city streets, it was easier to ignore the guy. But here, in the darkness of the eerie night with the vacant street, the constant shuffle behind frightened you. You had a hard time focusing on anything but the close proximity of the stalker with you. 

You gave yourself a moment to think. Should you call him out? Or maybe you should just make a run for it? Your mind was a mess and your erratic heartbeat didn’t help your case. Your hands shuffled in your pocket. Your eyes darted here and there.

And that’s when you saw it.

Not far down your range of vision was a flashing, green neon sign proclaiming ‘Open 24/7’. With a slight sprint, you moved towards it hoping it would provide you some cover from your stalker. Careful not to hint any sense of urgency in your actions, you gradually inched closer and closer. Upon up-front inspection, it turned out that the sign belonged to a brightly lit convenience store. 

With a silent prayer of gratitude you pushed past the glass doors, the abrupt rush of light blinding you for a moment. Once you adjusted to the beaming light, you made your way towards the farthest aisle, wanting to put as much distance as you could between the entrance and yourself.

You rejoiced when no one followed you inside the store for the longest time. Taking a moment to steady your racing pulse, you casually strolled out from the aisle you took cover in. Your fear gradually wore off, replaced by the awkwardness of leaving the store empty handed. You walked towards the entrance of the store, lined alongside which were an array of freezers. Having decided that a little ice cream after the petrifying events of the day wouldn’t hurt anyone, you slid open the lid of one of the freezers, leaning in to pick out your favorite flavor of ice cream. With a satisfied smile, you stood up straight.

Before you could proceed to the cash counter, you peeked at the street outside through the wall-to-ceiling windows of the store. The first time you glanced, nothing was odd. There was no sign of your supposed stalker in the dimly lit walkway and the only movement was the slow rustle of leaves of the gigantic tree lining the edge of the street. But the second time you glanced outside, your blood ran cold.

Out there, perched against the one and only street light in the lonely pathway was the guy who’d been following you all this time. You dropped the ice cream back in the freezer.

Careful not to draw any attention from the fairly young cashier inside or your alleged stalker outside, you bent down and pretended to be busy in choosing the flavor of ice cream.

From your peripherals, you risked a glance outside. The guy was still there, but his face was turned away from the store. Taking the chance, you dug out your phone from your pocket, before scrolling through your rather short contact list to call for help.

There was no option of calling your parents since they were out of town. The few friends you had lived blocks away from where you stood now. The rest of your contacts were people you no longer talked to or relatives who you never wanted to talk to. You could call the police but the doubt of the guy outside turning out to be just a random stranger enveloped your mind.

In your frantic search for help, your fingers stopped at one particular contact.

Kim Yohan.

You shook your head before scrolling past him. Though he said he lived in the same neighborhood as yours, it didn’t mean you could call him to help you out. It wasn’t like you and him were good friends anyways. The only proper interaction you guys ever had was when your teacher paired you together for a one day project and when he’d given you his number hoping you’d call him someday.

“Don’t forget to call. I might stay awake all night waiting for it,” he had said with a little laugh handing your phone back to you after feeding his number in it. You remembered how you casually replied with a nod and a smile, knowing you were only giving the poor boy high hopes. 

You never called. 

And he never complained about it.

Still, as you scrolled back up, with the threat of the stalker and the shopkeeper’s confused glances looming above your head like a double edged sword, you hesitated for a moment on Yohan’s contact.

Despite your shaking fingers, you mustered enough courage to press dial.

*******

There was something stuck in Yohan’s mind. It was big, distinguishable, too evidently weighing him down. It had been there ever since he agreed to go out with his friends, and it had only grew in magnitude the longer he sat glued to his seat in the obnoxiously loud restaurant. 

The something was a sense of urgency. Like something was coming. But he couldn’t quite figure out what.

Because for now, the only thing he saw coming was a smack to Dongpyo’s head by courtesy of Minhee. Snapping back from his daze, Yohan joined the rest of his friends in a frenzy of laughter as Minhee and Dongpyo began what was the fifth play fight they had in the day. On most days, the constant bickering between the two would be the best up-lifter for any heavy moods lingering amongst his circle of friends. But today, the trick didn’t seem to work on him. 

Today, he just didn’t feel very good. And his unease reflected on his frowning face, which, if his friends noticed, they didn’t tell.

Yohan stood up from his seat when no one was looking his way. He leaned forward against the restaurant’s windows, to observe the neighbourhood outside. He barely made anything out in the darkness of the night and noticed only the severe lack of streetlights. He squinted again, until he could see what seemed like a green neon sign not far down the opposite side of the street.

“Yohan?”

There was something about the street that drove him to the edge. The sense of urgency returned, this time stronger and barely ignorable.

“Yohan?!”

Yohan’s gaze flickered from the view outside, landing on Seungwoo. His friend jerked him towards the table with his hand, giving him only a moment to collect himself. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

Seungwoo gestured towards Yohan’s beaming phone on the table.

“Your phone is ringing.”

“Oh.” Yohan grabbed the buzzing phone from off the table, an unknown number flashing on the screen. He raised his eyebrows in confusion, wondering who could be calling him at this hour. 

He gave just letting it ring a thought. But before the number could vanish from the screen, the something inside him forced him to pick it up.

With curiosity saturating his mind, he attached the phone to his ears.  

He could, at first, hear loud breathing on the other end. Then a low, frantic voice called out.

“Hello?!”

It was a girl.

Why would a girl call me at this hour? 

Unable to concentrate in the uproar surrounding his friends, Yohan sprinted out of the noisy restaurant. 

Pushing past the door of the exit, he took a long breath of fresh air and replied,

“Hi?”

There was a short pause on the girl’s end. In the meanwhile Yohan contemplated the chances of the call being merely a prank.

“Yohan? This is Y/n-”

Y/n. The name blossomed in his brain. Then a face flashed before his eyes. Your face, glistening and ever so beautiful, smiling at him as he foolishly handed you back your phone. It was you, Y/n, the girl he so desperately had been waiting to call him. 

Something lurched in his chest.

“-I don’t know if you remember me but we worked on this science project together and I sit behind you in-”

Yohan’s heart was a pounding mess when he cut you off,

“Y-yeah, I know, I know. You’re Y/N, Y/n Y/L/N.”

He heard you release a sigh of relief.

“Yes! Yes, that’s me…I just, I called because-”

You groaned in frustration, unable to find the right words to explain the precarious situation you were stuck in.

It only made Yohan more nervous.

“-I know this is weird and coming out of nowhere but I kinda need your help with something if you’re around the neighborhood.”

All nervousness waned away when Yohan noticed the tremble in your words.  

“Why, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” 

“For now, yes. This is really stupid but there is some creepy guy following me for the past hour. And I wouldn’t call you if I had any other options but I really don’t. I’m sorry if I’m making you feel odd or awkward. This probably was a bad idea in the first place and I’m making a fool of myself-”

“You’re not!!”

The words left Yohan’s mouth in a shout. He immediately bit his tongue when he realized the screech in his uneven tone. He took a moment to calm himself down before continuing,

“I mean no, it’s alright. I’m glad you called me. Just tell me where you are.”

You, obviously oblivious to where exactly your stalker had forced you to derail, frantically told him every single thing you could see through your short glances outside. You mentioned how it couldn’t be very far from the cafe you had been to earlier, and that if you squinted enough, you could see a small building that seemed to resemble a restaurant of sorts.

“-It also has this huge cherry blossom tree around its corner.”

Yohan furrowed his eyes when he, too, saw a tree that resembled the description you were giving. It was surrounded by the green neon sign protruding from amongst its branches.

“By chance, does the convenience store have this weird green neon sign?”

“It does! Exactly, that’s the one… How’d you know?”

“I’ll let you know when I get there, just please, don’t step out and stay low.”

You gave an affirmative response as the line on the other end went static. 

The cashier behind the counter eyed you with a strange, bewildered expression as he saw you hiding behind the aisle, whisper-yelling into your phone.

You flashed him a quick, awkward smile before retreating even deeper into the aisle.

On the other end of the conversation, Yohan tapped his phone against his hand.

He finally figured out what the something stuck in his mind was. It was this. The whole situation with you. His heart gaped up to his throat when he thought of the very dangerous circumstances you had gotten into. 

He pushed a hand through his hair, frustration clouding his actions. He considered going back inside to let his friends know where he was off to, but then he glanced at them through the windows outside the restaurant. They were all the same as he had left them bare moments ago. Eating, drinking, laughing at every other stupid joke. They’d barely even noticed Yohan’s absence.  

Not wanting to waste another second, Yohan broke into a sprightly run. 

He ran and ran, with the neon sign becoming bigger and bigger in his vision. He never stopped, not even to catch his breath. His breaths came in shallow, and his heart thundered inside his chest. Despite that, the only stop he made was when he finally stood beneath the sign, and in front of the small convenience store.

He peeked inside to find it empty, save for a young cashier busy on his phone and…

There you were.

Peeking out of the farthest aisle from the entrance, your darting eyes clad in fear and anxiety landed on Yohan’s. And his worry-ridden eyes, clad in the relief of having found you safe and sound, simultaneously met yours.

Relief flooded your body as you sprinted out of your hiding spot. Yohan entered the store, dressed in a casual white t shirt and black trousers lined with white stripes. You reached over to where he stood by the entrance, preparing to shower him with apologies of having called him out of nowhere.  

But before you could deliver what you had prepared, Yohan did something very odd. 

Instead of complaining or expressing his annoyance at you, as you had expected him to do, he pulled you into a long, excruciating embrace. 

Your eyes shot up in surprise as you felt him wrap his arms around your waist, and bend down to rest his head on your shoulder. Too weak to break from such a tight hug, you whispered against his ears

“What are you doing?”

Yohan immediately shushed you, before attempting to pull you closer, as if that was even possible judging from the lack of space between you two.

“It’s the guy by the streetlight, right?”

You struggled to see past Yohan’s shoulder, but were successful at sneaking a glance at your stalker’s seemingly permanent perch against the streetlight. His head was turned towards the convenience store now. 

You nodded your head.

He released you from the suffocating yet warm embrace, letting you suck in a long, sharp breath. With an exaggerated movement of his arms, Yohan exclaimed,

“Aww, I hope I didn’t make you wait too long, love.”

He pinched one of your cheeks, immediately after which a rush of crimson covered them. You were confused now. Truly, deeply confused. With a quiet, fake laughter to make up for whatever game Yohan was playing you asked him through a smile,

“Haha, what are you doing exac-?”

Yohan put a finger against your lips. Your words died in your mouth at this action of his. 

“Just trust me and go with the flow.”

“I would go with the flow if you at least give me the slightest idea of where it’s going.”

Instead of complying with your request, Yohan pulled you in for a second embrace. This time it was short, less suffocating and more warm. When he pulled back, he gave you a smile you never noticed was this breathtaking before. You swallowed, a weird feeling sprouting in your chest. Its magnitude ranged somewhere between almost bursting you into a thousand flames or melting you into nothing.

Yohan slid an arm around your waist, dragging you out of the store. You didn’t say anything at that, deciding to trust him and his flow.

Once outside, he pulled you under the illumination offered by the green neon sign. It painted your faces with a green hue, flickering once or twice every other minute. 

“Is the guy watching?”

For the hundredth time, you caught a glimpse of the guy. He had left his perch on the streetlight, and his face was now turned towards where you stood. His gaze haunting you the longer you looked.

With a shaking, broken voice, you replied.

“Y-Yes.”

Listening to your own voice break shattered something inside you. You felt helpless. You felt weak. And the tears pricking at your eyes made it worse. You weren’t sure what they were saturated with. Fear? Shame? Regret? It could be all of those things and nothing at all. You tried blinking them away, but it only made it worse. The tears now rolled down your cheeks, as you made a hasty attempt to wipe them away.

Yohan caught your hands before you could.

He gave you a long look. And then, with little thought, he leaned down and kissed away the tears staining your cheeks.  

His actions didn’t confuse you, or urge you to push him away. Instead, you welcomed the feeling of his lips stealing your frustration away. You indulged in the feeling of his hand in yours, enveloping you in warmth.

The feelings, however, were all very short lived.

For Yohan retreated just as fast as he had leaned in. His ears were wrapped in a shade of scarlet when he said,

“He’s gone.”

You looked behind you, at the now empty street and then back at the boy in front of you. You breathed in, your breath hitching once before stabling itself. With the threat of the stranger gone, you were now under full realization of the display Yohan had just put on and the reason behind it.  In the daze of the moment, you asked the only thing you could think of in the moment,

“How’d you get here so fast?”

Yohan cleared his throat, “I happened to be just around the corner... Miraculously.”

You nodded. The awkward silence lingered for a moment, before you broke it.

“Thank you…”

Yohan only shook his head with a smile before flinging his hand in the air.

“…And I’m sorry.”

Bewildered, the casual smile on his face fell, replaced by a frown.

“Thank you, I get, but why the sorry?”

Guilt weighed down on your chest when you replied,

“I never called.”

A flash of pain stained Yohan’s face, but it was immediately replaced by that ethereal smile of his.

“You called when it mattered.”

He gave a slight pat on your shoulder, earning a small smile from you. Yet, the regret and pain of having ignored this angel of a person consumed you.

“You should head home, it’s getting late.”

You heard Yohan laugh when you said that. He pulled you out from the light of the green sign, ushering you down the vacant street which got brighter the further you guys moved.

“And leave you alone with that creepy, douchebag stalker who might just be lingering in the shadows? You’re really fun Y/n.”

You bit your lips, not sure what he was going to do if not head back to his home.

“So what are you going to do?”

The boy gave you that ‘isn’t it obvious face’ before responding,

“Walk you home, of course, what else?”

The weight of his favors threatened to crush you. You couldn’t possibly make the poor boy walk you home. You had already asked too much of him with just one call.

“Oh, It’s alright, I’ll manage. After all, I’ll have to walk alone tomorrow if not tonight…It’s not like you can walk me home everyday.”

You nervously laughed at Yohan. He only shrugged in confusion.

“Who says I can’t?”

For the first time in a long while, you noticed the change in the way your heart pounded. Before there was an urgency in your heart beat, overshadowed by your fear. Now, there was a different type of urgency, one you gladly welcomed to take over.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not your responsibility or anything, and I would never weigh you down with such a task.”

“I kind of like being weighed down.”

With a wink that almost made you trip over your own feet, he glanced over at you, and continued,

“And you and I go to the same school, so as a fellow pupil, you kinda are my responsibility.”

You only smiled. It seemed to be the only thing you could do around him; smile and smile and smile until your cheeks ached, and your jaw clenched.

The walk back to your home was quiet, with the casual topic of school and studies being thrown in here and there. No conversation lasted longer than one or two exchanges by either of you. You two seemed to be busy inside your own little brains. Unaware, however, you both were of what the other thought. Though it should’ve been quite obvious.

Yohan was immersed in noticing the way you curled your lips each time you smiled, and you were too busy trying to count how many times he had made you smile in just half an hour.

Too engrossed in these trivial acts, you never noticed how close you’d gotten to your destination. 

You were startled when your house appeared just a few short steps away, leaving you to wonder how time went by so fast all of a sudden.

Stopping by the front door of your house, you turned to Yohan. He had driven his hands into his pockets, to stop himself from fidgeting. His eyes were the same, gleaming with mischief and wonder, but his lips were now curled downward, They were the only indication of his disapproval of his journey with you ending too soon. 

“I guess this is it then.”

Your voice obstructed the tranquility of the night. But for Yohan, it sounded like a melody too short for his liking.

“I guess…I’ll see you tomorrow then…at school.”

“Tomorrow’s Saturday.”

“Oh…”

He had to wait two days to see you again. It shouldn’t be a problem for him. It’s not like he wasn’t the same guy who waited a whole month for you to call him.  

“I’ll give you a call?”

Your abrupt suggestion astounded him. But his astonishment didn’t stop him from losing the opportunity to crack a joke.

“Why, do you plan on getting stalked again?”

You grinned from ear to ear. And boy, did it make it harder for Yohan to breath.

“No, not because I’ll get stalked. I’ll call you because…because-.”

He cocked his head to one side, waiting for you to continue. You stood there contemplating for the longest time. Why in the world did I say that? You thought. You had only embarrassed yourself, failing to come up with words to cover the mess up. But Yohan cleared it up for you instead, while also speaking what had been lingering in your mind.

“It’s alright. You have the whole night to think of a reason.”

Though you don’t really need one, I could hear you speak all day even if you just repeated the same word over and over again, Yohan thought, but never spoke out.

“Alright then.”

You smiled, and watched as the darkness of the night faded behind Yohan.

“Alright then.”

He smiled, and watched as all the light in the world around him collected around you. 

He lingered for a moment, before walking away, his face towards you. He almost stumbled on the step on your porch. You were about to tell him to be careful, but he straightened himself before you could. You smiled your widest when you opened the door to your house, leaning against it once fully inside.  

With the flutter in your chest driving you crazy, you fished out your phone from your pocket. It blinked to reveal the caller ID of the boy you just said goodbye to.

You had the whole night to yourself. A whole night, to think and recall all that unfolded in just the last few hours. You would think it all through, every single thing.

And tomorrow, with or without a proper reason, you would call him.

You would call Kim Yohan.

And on the other end, Yohan would wait for you to do just that.

[msobsessed]

the cutest dork

[nemosynth]

私を通り過ぎた電子楽器たち

AKAI S700　　　 　12bit QD, レゾなしVCF、変。 AKAI S950　　　 　ややハイ上がりなローファイ、変。 AKAI S1000HD　　　HDDファン音がサンプリングされてしまう AMDEK CMU-800　　同梱シーケンスソフトはカセットMTR同期可＝オーディオとシーケンスと兼備せしDAW先駆者！ ARP 2600 Rev.1　　ええ音やったのに１週間で壊れても〜た！ Arturia MicroBrute　変態VCO/VCF可愛いパッチング64ステSeq変態音色最高！ Arturia microFreak　　秀逸外観秀逸音色秀逸操作秀逸表示秀逸専用凹マイク、0-Coastと組合せてなんちゃってブックラ Ashun Sound Machine Hydrasynth Explorer　よぉ勉強したはるね、もちっと操作性を詰めたら文句なしアプデ大期待 CASIO CT-201 "CASIOTONE"　　初代カシオトーン、音丸い CASIO CT-403 "CASIOTONE"　　意外にこれしかない音色あり、モンドなアナログリズム最高 CASIO CZ-101　ミニ鍵でもPD音源８ステEG！ CASIO FZ-1　　DCFのレゾ上げてカットオフ上げ切ると元気！ CASIO VZ-1　　自作アルゴリズム部分音合成変調音源最高 CASIO VZ-10M　変調方式こそ純粋な音色創造 CASIO VZ-8M　変調方式こそ純粋な音色創造だが発音数が足りん編集非現実的 Clavia Digital Musical Instruments　nord lead　初代しかも12声拡張版、個性派な音！ Clavia Digital Musical Instruments　nord wave　初代サンプル読めて正体不明の音になるVAと最大６オペ簡易FMとマルチピークフィルターとオブジェクト指向なモーフィング最高！ Cre8audio　West Pest　あらゆる波形をフォールドできる西海岸セミモジュラーしかも音が良い！環境にやさしい段ボール箱の印刷技術もひそかに優れている Dave Smith Instruments　mono evolver keyboard PE　２連左右配置デジアナシンセ超変態 Dave Smith Instruments　prophet 12　５でなく12、最強預言者、私は前を向く！！！！！ Dave Smith Instruments　PRO２　モノ・パラフォ最強ハイブリッド超変態 ELECTRO HARMONIX MINI-SYNTHESIZER　歪んだ音ですぐ壊れた elektron SIDstation　　よく飛ぶらしい、リング変調３基すばらしい Emu Emax S.E 　　VCFがSSM系の音、E IIワンチップ化 ensoniq SQ-80　　アジのあるレゾるハイブリッド・シンセ ensoniq VFX　　　ひとめぼれ、デーハーのみならず幽玄な音も出る ensoniq VFX SD II　今も右腕、なくしたら相当に落ち込む ensoniq EPS16Plus　　メリケンな音の迫力とデモ曲グッド ensoniq TS-12　　　　エンソ最後の孤高の名機 ensoniq ASR-10R　　　エンソ最後の孤高の名機 学研　SX-150　本屋でシンセが買える、しかもそぎ落としの美学 HIkari Instruments Duos　ちっさいのに木製側板恐れ入り高精細ボディにパンキッシュなフォントと逝ってるチャネリングしかもゲームコントローラみたいな両手UI叫ぶシンセCV/Gate接続可能PRO2ハックするデバイスBOSS PSA-100ご推奨露西亜製Lyra-8買えずこっちにしたが正解 HOHNER D-6 "Clavinet"　　PU壊れたクラヴィどないすんねん KORG 700S "miniKORG"　真似できない音楽的なサイン波最高！と思ったら実は三角波 KORG 800DV　　少ないパラメで多彩な音が出る異形の黎明期混沌シンセ KORG MS-10　　東洋の哀愁、でもフィルターレゾナンス金属的歪み凶暴 KORG MS-20　　個体差でEGの立上がりが早くデジタルっぽかった KORG MP-4 "MONO/POLY"　やんちゃ坊主最高！　LFO２基あるのもいい KORG PS-6 "Polysix"　　　演歌みたいな泣きの音がトランスに合う KORG DW-8000　　正体不明の音が最高な鍵盤、エディットし倒した KORG EX-8000　　正体不明の音が最高なモジュール KORG DVP-1　　　５声ボコ、フォルマント操作可能 KORG DSS-1　　　でかい重いVCF２連モジュレーション・ディレイ KORG DS-8　　　 青春をついやしたFMシンセ KORG WS-1 "WAVESTATION EX"　おもろいけど難解、ニューエイジに人気 KORG 01/W FD　　音源波形に遊び心、でもパターントラックでパターン枠外さなあかんのは、あかん KORG Z1EX　　　 既存シンセへのアンチテーゼは偉い！ KORG KARMA with MOSS Expansion　　シーケンシング革命は激楽しいけど難解 KORG monotron　これはどこでも遊べる純アナログモノシンセ、でも音階で弾きたい KORG monotron DUO　音階で弾くべく購入するも鍵域が狭すぎ実用的でなく KORG monotrol Delay　サイケにトリップする60sセンセーション再現 KORG KRONOS 61keys　すんげー多機能多芸、でも画面の文字が小さすぎ起動遅すぎサンプルRAM少なすぎ音色メモリー無さすぎ！ KORG minilogue xd　　初代はヴィンテ総括音、xdは未来的アナログ音かつp12廉価版の如し、multi-engineでDW-8000再現感涙 KORG NTS-1　　Shimmer Reverbデフォだけでも最高！　C++攻略前に頓挫笑 KORG wavestate　こなれたウェーヴシーケンス、操作性難解、エディター万歳 KORG modwave　　こいつもp12廉価版の如し、しかもKRONOS切売第３弾KURZWEIL PC361　　仮想モジュラー単体ハードシンセ、内蔵FXまでモジュラー、凄まじ！！ Make Noise 0-Coast　変態セミモジュラー、日影の西海岸シンセシスが逆襲！ modal electronics Cobalt5S　　キュレーター的VA、オサレ外観も新時代、操作お作法独特、バスパワー鍵盤コントローラーにVAと思えば超今風 moog 338BX "LIBERATION" WHITE　重たい、心斎橋クラブクアトロで弾いた novation mininova　ミクロKORG20年、ミニNOVA10年、ロングセラーにはわけがある nunomo　QUN mkII　グラニュラー＋ヴァーチャルアナログ基板シンセ緻密！ Oberheim XP-1 "Xpander"　フラクタルモジュラーええ音、サービスモードも楽し Pioneer DJ - Dave Smith Instruments　TORAIZ AS-1　ほぼp6モノ版すぐれて現代風かつ良質アナログ音で過去のしがらみ関係ない宜しい！ Roland System-100　　 セミモジュラー、実は螺旋のイントロ Roland System-100M　　フルモジュラーど定番、100ともどもソフトシンク有 Roland SH-09　　　　　ハードケース付！日本の少年少女に夢を与えた名機 Roland JP-8 "Jupiter-8"　　ゴージャス！な外観。ユニゾンモードとクロス変調楽し Roland JU-6 "Juno-6"　HPF無段階連続可変！野蛮DCB改造済！外観バランス良し！ Roland JU-60 "Juno-60"　鍵盤タッチ改善、高完成度、外観バランス慌てぶりが垣間見える笑 Roland JP-6 "Jupiter-6"　MIDIつきVCO珍しい、音源波形を加算できるのも良い Roland JX-10 "Super JX" x 2　DCOでも深い音、Fence of Defenseの音 Roland MKS-100　　　日影のS-10モジュール、でもライブラリーたくさん持ってた Roland S-10 x 3　　 火を噴くくらい使い倒した青春のひとコマ Roland S-550 x 2　　CRTでフェアライト気分、RC-100とマウスもあっただよ Roland D-50　　　エイリアス万歳！！　永遠の名機、部分音合成っていいねRoland D-10　　　へんなリズムマシン内蔵がまた良い Roland D-5　 　　実は常にサウンド・パレット状態でエディットしやすいRoland A-50　　　エディット・バッファ無くて困る、手放したが買い直した Roland W-30sc　　音源波形がみんなつながっててお祭り Roland JD-800　　やわらかい音がやさしい、エディット快適！シンセはこうでなければ Roland JV-90　　 鍵盤数が多くて手ごろ Roland Rhodes VK-1000　　ハーモニック・バー・シンセ、上にもう１台載せれるけど邪魔 Roland S-770　　　けっきょくただの重し Roland DJ-70　　　タンテ型コントローラ付サンプラー、階層深すぎ、劇団ポン出し向け Roland SC-8850　なんでGS/GM音源がうちに？かなり壊れてる Roland XP-80　　　これはロングセラーやったな Roland XV-5080　　それまでにない柔らかい音もでて新機軸 Roland VP-9000　　当時は物真似ばかりだったソフト音源に喝ハード！ Roland VariOS/V-Producer III　デザイン秀逸、ミニ・プロツー的 Roland V-Synth　　ひさびさに出たイカれたシンセ Roland V-Synth XT　　ちょっと大人になったかな Roland VC-1 "D-50 for V-Synth/VariOS"　モノホンのソースコードまんま移植したそうな Roland VC-2 "Vocal Designer"　結構役立つ、歌詞つきで合唱隊を歌わせられるし Roland Fantom-XR　　 VFX後継者のつもり保険のつもりがエキパン再生機に Roland SRX-02 "Concert Piano"　めずらしくダークな音の生ピアノの音 Roland SRX-04 "Symphonique Strings"　大好きな弦楽のみのエキパンだから大好き！ Roland SRX-05 "Supreme Dance"　テクノ４人組３人組の追悼リズムセットよろし Roland SRX-09 "World Collection"　やっぱ民族楽器あってこその音色ライブラリ！ Roland SRX-11 "Complete Piano"　88鍵サンプリングでカミさんの練習用音源に Roland AIRA TB-3　変態DSPモノシンセ変態シーケンサーこそが本質 Roland JD-XA　デジアナ直列並列縦横無尽重層的16系統快適編集万歳 Roland SH-4d　ZEN-Core外伝独自音源11 Osc. モデル卓上電池駆動万歳 Sequential Circuits "prophet-5" Rev.3　 40メモリー、ポリモジュとPWMとVCFの相性よき個体差 Sequential Circuits "Pro-One"　　めっさ太いシンベと秀逸デジタルシーケンサーたった40音 東京優勝 WHOLETONE Revolution　　弾きこなせず！！！！ waldorf microWAVE XT　　ヲタなのにポップでグレイト！ YAMAHA CS-15　　 古いのに二系統音源は流石、鍵盤タッチいいのも流石 YAMAHA CS01　　 シンセ基本形 YAMAHA DX7　　　2019年にもなってほんまにこれが来る日が来るとは！　KQ Dixieでエディット YAMAHA DX9　　　やっぱこれこそがDXですよ YAMAHA DX100　　やっぱこれこそがDXですよ YAMAHA TX7　　　DX7よりも賢いDX7音源モジュール据置型クール！ YAMAHA TX802　　変調方式を重ねてディチューン最高 YAMAHA V50　　　中堅機種のわりに、なかなかに手ごわい YAMAHA SY35　　 重量軽い、ええ音する

KORG monotribe　フルアナログ音源グルボ、MicroBruteとGate同期させると激楽しい！ KORG Kaossilator 2　よく考えられて楽しいけどおもちゃなので飽きる KORG volca modular　　よくここまで詰め込んだね♬　でも頓挫魂炸裂笑 KORG volca nubass　　ふっる～いホコリっぽ～い真空管サウンドも楽しい Roland D2　　謎のグルボ異端児　でもVariPhraseちゃうであの音色変���は Roland SP-404mk2　　実はVariPhrase搭載型サンプラー！独自変態FXも◎

AMDEK RMK-100 x 2　アムデックのトホホなDIYリズムボックス！ KORG DDD-5　長く使用。ベロシティ・パッドと音色カードが新しかった KORG DRM-1　　すぐ売り飛ばした。私にラックは合わない KORG PSS60　　なんで買ぅたんやろ？ KORG WAVEDRUM Mini 和太鼓　和太鼓とWaveDrum Miniとがニコイチ！和のこころとSondius XG！ Roland CR-78　　我が家のクロック・ソースでした！ Roland CR-68　　日影もんですが、良い音します Roland TR-606　　フォークソングおっさんが呉れた！！！！ Roland TR-707　　かなり故障中 Roland TR-626　　なんでうちにあってんろ？ Roland R-70　　　リズムパターン自動生成。エスノなのは下手。ポジショナルパッドよろし。外観ポップ Roland R-8 MKII　　永遠の名機。外観も硬派。'80年代後期はこれでしょう

KORG SQ-8 x 2　DW-8kワーステ化をもくろむも変態さを自慢して終わり KORG SQ-1　　これほしかった！S/H波LFOの代用になるし安いし USB-CV/Gate I/F になるし Make Noise 0-CTRL　これもなんちゃってブックラ素晴らしい！！！ Roland MC-500　バルクライブラリアン最高！　タイ航空ステッカー最高！ Roland MC-500 mkII　クロックが揺れず、ダイアル一発でリタルダントとかできて良いらしい Roland MC-50 mkII　最後の単体ハードシーケンサーSMF互換ロングセラー YAMAHA QX5　多機能やねんけど使いにくくて、と思ったらもっぺん来た笑 YAMAHA QX3　これ、はやりましたな！

novation SL MkII 61keys　オートマップ便利だが分かりにくい、SF的発光良い！ （Roland）EDIROL PCR-M1　移動中ノーパソと相性抜群 （Roland）Roland ED SK-500　内蔵音源ぷー、なんでUSB鍵盤のくせしてバス駆動せん？？

KORG MS-03 x 2　Pitch to CV変換機、謎リヴィジョン違い KORG KMS-30　　DIN同期とMIDIとを変換するレアなボックス貴重 Oberheim Cyclone　アルペジエイターのみの変態マシン Oberheim Strummer　ギター奏法を再現というが、なかなか半端 Roland ASC-1 "Arabic Scale Converter" x 2　知られざる変態MIDI変換マシン Sigboost “midiglue”　史上初MIDI/CV Programmable Processorメルカリ！

BOSS HF-2 "High Band Flanger"　高い周波帯だけフランジングするアイディア商品 BOSS MZ-2 "Metalizer"　その名も凄い、アナログ歪み＋デジタルかな？によるコーラス BOSS XT-2 "Xtortion"　その名も凄い、効果もエグい、でもアナログ歪み BOSS DM-2W "Delay"　　アナログディレイ技ペダル、あやしいBBDだそうでよくぞ頑張ってくださいました感涙 BOSS VT-1　　変態ボイスチェンジャー、某公共事業に寄贈 BOSS WP-20G　GK P.Uが要るのにどないすんねん BOSS RE-20 "Space Echo"　極上のテープエコーをモデリング、綺麗な音 BOSS SL-20 "Slicer"　シーケンシングに匹敵するツインペダル！

HeilSound Talking Modulator　　ほとんど使わず、めっさ重たい Ibanez SDR1000+　　２連MIDIタイム可変高音質デジリバ死語SONY製 KORG SDD-3300　　３連モジュレーション・ディレイで変態 Roland RE-101　　やっぱテープエコーですよ、800DV 等にかけっぱなし Roland RE-201　　名機なのは分かるけど、この機種のみ有名なのは何故？ Roland Revo30 x 2　　珍品レスリーFX、非常にチープな音 Roland SDD-320　言わずと知れたディメンジョン、プロ５と相性抜群、取っ手もかっこいい Roland SDE-3000A　ビット数が粗いのがかえって名機となるも、結局使わず Roland RSP-550 x 2　　当時ボコーダーがほしくて入手 Roland E-660 x 2　　中古で入手するにもほどがある、エディット時の反応が遅すぎ！ Roland EF-303 x 2　　友人にあげたらフォノイコになった！！ SONY DPS-F7　　ウソっぽいフィルターで硬い音のシンセにもなるがその音もウソっぽい、でもSONYシンセ！ YAMAHA REX50　　まともな使い方せず遊んだ青春、世界初デジタルディストーション なんやしらん緑の小さな Ring Modulator　　ただ歪むだけ なんやしらん光学式のワウ　　口に入れたり脇にはさんだりしてワウる

Roland A-880　MIDIマージ重宝したMIDIパッチベイ Roland A-110　ただのにぎやかしになるMIDIノート表示板

Roland M-480　48chラック型ミキサー！　経年劣化でノイズ Roland M-240　24ch 据置型ミキサー！　経年劣化でノイズ KORG KMX-122　フロントにイレギュラー入力は便利だがすぐ歪む

（Roland）Cakewalk UA-1G　カミさんの Mac 用、借りて使って使いやすさにびっくり （Roland）EDIROL UA-101　私の Mac 用、大活躍だが生産完了になってから入手したので老兵 Roland UA-1010 "Octa-Capture"　UA-101 の後釜。Auto-Sens 機能便利 Roland Rubix44　Octa-Capture後釜、４ch充分、Generic driver充分

Fostex X-28H　VUではなくLEDレベルメーターに未来を感じた青春 TEAC TASCAM Porta One "MINISTUDIO"　ピンポン録音だ！ TEAC TASCAM Porta Two "MINISTUDIO"　入力端子が多くて当時アマにグッド！ TEAC TASCAM 688 "MIDISTUDIO"　　カセットで８トラ！　使い倒した！ Roland VS-1680 "V-Studio" w / CDR-88　ピンポンしても音が劣化しないのに仰天！　CD焼けてバックアップまでできて、また仰天！

Roland CD-5　　使わずじまい、っていうか使えずじまい？？

ableton Live w / various VST plug-ins　Ver.1.0から使ってておもろかったけど安直に曲できすぎて飽きた ableton Live Lite 8　のばちょんのオマケ、VSTホストとして使うつもりが使わずじまい Apple Garage Band　当時これで同時録音可能音声トラックが８トラあったら充分やったのに Apple Logic Express 9　ガレバンが↑だからこれを買うはめに。凄い万能ぶりにぼーぜん Apple Logic Pro 9　なんせ最上位機種がダウンロード販売で１万７千円しかせんのでぼーぜん Apple Logic Pro X　ゼロからの再出発 Apple Garage Band iOS　まさか８トラが32トラになって無償になるとは！

Arturia Pigments 3　これはあたらしい音がするねぇ Arturia CS-80V　ヴァンゲリス御大の神器、実物80kgもして所有不可なのでソフトで Arturia prophet-V　キャンペーンでタダで入手！！プロ５とプロVS合体がいい Arturia minimoog V Original　キャンペーンでタダで入手！！太い音しますねー Arturia Matrix-12 V　Xpanderの代わりに入手、やっぱ LFO ×５基は凄いねぇ DEXED　これは使いやすいDX７完全再現フリーウェアしかも今風の音もいろいろあり Garritan World Instruments　安い音質だが打楽器豊富、常にマルチ音源なのがちょっと KORG LegacyCollection MS-20　単品売りで安価、少々時代を感じる操作性だけど個性派 KORG M1Le　キャンペーンでタダで入手！！　レゾナンス無いし M1 そのもの Miroslav Philharmonik CE　格安キャンペーンで入手、原音忠実すぎて音域限定は使い辛い Media OverKill Waverazor　もっともぶっとんだイカれた壊れたイカしたソフトシンセ！！ Native Instruments Razor　この変態音源が最高、なんせリバーブまで 320 倍音加算合成！ Native Instruments Prism　変態打楽器物理モデリングシンセ、持続音にするとなお変態で良い Native Instruments Micro Prism　変態打楽器モデリングシンセ簡易版、遊ぶだけなら充分 Native Instruments Scanner　グラニュラーで遊びたくて、しかも安かったし Native Instruments FM8　まぁクロノスとDX互換させたかったので、って変な理由ですね PPG WaveMapper２　奇才ジジイ極変態ウェーヴテーブルを超越タイムコレクテッド音源、楽しい！ UVI　各種デモ版ばっか走らせるもスタンドアローンで弾けず waldorf largo　変態シンセメーカーの集大成的変態シンセが楽しい W. Taylor Holiday Audulus　おそろしく基礎から始めさせられるモジュラーシンセ じつは膨大なフリーウェア音源とエフェクトたくさんたくさん

Toybear Robobear　変態グラニュラーフィルター VST FX、PowerPCのみ対応残念

AQ Interactive KORG DS-10 @ NINTENDO DS Lite　やっぱ物理鍵盤で弾きたい DETUNE KORG M01 @ NINTENDO DS Lite　「Lore」音色をカオスパッド演奏すると楽しい

IK Multimedia iRig MIDI　30pin-Lightning アダプターケーブル併用だがMIDI Thruに拍手！ IK Multimedia iRig MIDI2　前のがOSアプグレで非互換しょぼ〜ん対策

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Brian Eno Bloom　これは楽器なのか？　楽曲なのか？　進化し続ける先端的作品

[yvnseong]

𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡 𖧷 𝑙𝑒𝑒 𝑒𝑢𝑛𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑔

credits to: @asdfghjilysm they came up with the prompt that inspired me to write this!!!

𖧷𖧷𖧷

“Hey Grandma?” Yunseo asked curiously.

“Yes Yunseo?” I responded smiling at the younger girl with me at the table helping me go through my old items.

“Who’s this?” She questioned her hands holding a photograph taken many summers past. She handed me the photo of a young male laid in the grass, his head resting on his hand, with his other arm stretched out. I smiled softly at the discovery of the old picture.

“Lee Eunsang.” The smile etched onto my face faltered for only a second as memories of that summer flood back to my head. “My first love.”

Her hands once again took the picture from my hands, she studied it carefully. Her eyes scanning every part of the picture. “When did you take this picture Grandma?”

“The summer of 1969. We were about your age. So somewhere around sixteen or seventeen. It was the last time I saw him.” You said reminiscing on that summer. You watched intently as Yunseo continued to study the picture carefully.

“What was happening in that moment for him to look so happy?” She asked, a delicate smile gracing her lips as she saw the pure happiness present in his eyes. His lips brought up into a gorgeous smile.

“Would you like to hear a story?” I asked, my eyes trained on her face. She blinked slowly, gently handed me the photo and nodded. I smiled.

𖧷𖧷𖧷

Summer 1968

Lee Eunsang was in love. Who was he in love with?

It was the girl who worked at the photography studio with her family. They met the day Eunsangs mother had insisted getting a family portrait, much to his and his sisters annoyance they went anyways. They entered the studio, bitterly he sat in a waiting chair and then he saw her.

She passed by and gave them a polite smile. Her hands holding a large folder filled with something. Eunsang didn’t care what the folder was filled with, he was entranced by the beautiful girl. She noticed his stares and smiled coyly. Making eye contact with him and throwing him a playful wink before walking away.

He was embarrassed, his dad began to poke fun at him for getting caught staring and he just laughed sheepishly. Although embarrassed, all he wanted was to get to know you.

When the family was called to the area for the photos he was not exactly surprised but more so shy to see you there helping set up the cameras and the stools on which he and his sister would be sitting on. The family walked towards the seats and began to start to position themselves following their introduction to the photographer. Eunsang stayed quiet until, “Hello! That’s Eunsang he’d like to take you on a date. What’s your name?”

His head whipped quickly towards his sisters direction, his sister laughed and his parents couldn’t help but try and muffle their laughter. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you Eunsang.” You said holding back giggles, extending your hand out. His face was bright red but he ignored it as he held out his hand to shake yours. “Nice to meet you Y/N.”

“Now about the date, when are you free?” She questioned him shyly her cheeks hot with the sudden shyness that overcame her.

Eunsang was taken aback, but he wasn’t going to let that hold him back.

𖧷

Summer 1969

Things moved quickly. You both became inseparable spending all your time together. Most of your dates you spent in parks, having picnics and talking about life.

One day in particular you showed up at the park after being dropped off by your dad. You held a camera you had been gifted by your aunt. “Eunsang look at the camera I got!” You smiled excitedly gently placing the camera into his larger hands. He looked at the camera and examined it. “My aunt gave it to me.”

A smile came onto his face, “Can I take a picture of you?” And so he did, once the photo came out from the top of the camera he shook it. The smile from previously widely present. His eyes filled with love as he looked down at the picture of you. He placed it into the pocket of his white shorts being careful with the photo. Y/N grinned gently pulling him closer by his striped yellow tie pressing a loving kiss to his lips. They both stayed there for a moment before she pushed him back.

He fell onto the grass a small laugh escaping his lips. She picked up the camera and held it up pointing it towards him. “Smile!” She said happily his head rested against his arm and he outstretched his arm happily smiling as he posed for the picture she was about to take.

CLICK!

The photo came out and she instantly began to fan it. He smiled watching her lovingly his eyes studying her in that moment. He never wanted this to end. She looked at the picture and giggled. She quickly flashed it to him before hiding it. “Let me see it Y/N!”

Y/N stood up and ran away giggling before yelling out, “Catch me!” They ran around for a while before the both got tired and collapsed to the ground where they had previously been taking photos.

They laid besides eachother. He turned to look at the girl, she stared up at the clouds a tired smile on her face, and he studied her features as always. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He threw an arm over her stomach and they laid there. It was peaceful.

𖧷𖧷𖧷

“His sister asked you out for him?” Yunseo said laughing.

I giggled along with her, “I know! He would’ve never done it himself.” My hands gently put down the picture. It seemed like just yesterday we were both running around that park. I laughed softly to my self, he never saw the picture.

“What happened to Eunsang?” Yunseo asked carefully. My smile faltered as I placed my hands on the table opening a small album filled with old photos I couldn’t seem to detach myself from. I picked up the photo and delicately slid it into the album.

“He died my love.” You said in a hushed voice, almost reliving the pain you felt back in 1969. You looked up to see her and she was silent, wanting to ask something but being unsure how to ask.

“If you don’t want to answer it’s okay but, how did he die Grandma?” She said softly.

“The day we took those pictures, his mom picked us up and dropped me off at home before they headed back to their house. On the way to his house their car was hit by a drunk driver. They both passed away. His sister and father moved away and I never saw them after the funeral.” I explained, a soft smile etched itself on my face.

I looked up at Yunseo and she was in a state of shock. She processed the information before saying, “That’s horrible.” I nodded softly.

“On a lighter note he’s also how I met your grandfather honey.” I said laughing slightly.

“Really?” She asked shocked. Her hand had flown to her mouth.

“Mhm. They were friends and we got closer after his death as we both were grieving, but that’s a story for another time.” I said quietly.

“Grandma, why did you keep his photo for all these years?” Yunseo asked genuinely curious.

“Some people you’ll never forget. He’s my first love, and a part of me will always hold him close to me heart.” You said simply. I looked up at her and saw tear begin to well in her eyes. I reached out and gently wiped her tears away.

I looked back down at the picture book in which I had placed his picture. I smiled softly gently turning the page onto the next page.

Many summers past, and he’s still a part of my heart.

[nityarawal]

9/18/2024

Grok The Numbers

(Numbers Station)

Morning Songs

Eclipse Was Soft

Like A Dandelion Weed

Soft

Sparkly

It Came Over Me

The Eclipse

Camping In My Car

On A Mountain Top

Like A Treehouse

Warm By Candlelight

40's Cold Nights

The Eclipse

Of The Blood Red Moon

My Phone Was Charged

What Did It Reveal

The Inner Consciousness

Of My Physiology

Took Precedence

Transcendence

Heat Over Came Me

Dandelion Fluffs

Pushed The

Trumpleberry Toxins

Out Of My Tufts

Elon Won't Stop Shooting

Rockets

Is It The Dyke Clicques

He Lost His Rocket

Emoji

And Just Says "Yeah,"

On Podcasts

He Loves His Followers

On X

So He Comments

"Yeah,"

And "Whoa,"

"Wow,"

He Loves His Followers

On X

So He Comments 

"Wow,"

44 Billion Communion

With The Masses

Or Do You Think

It's The Dyke Clicque

Moderating

At T.I.T.T.S Again

On Foul Play

For The Trumpers

They're Sold Out

To Airforce

They Threw A Knife

Down In My

Driveway

And Beckoned Me

With Violent

Invitations

Bullying

If You Want To Be

A Rockstar 

Or President

You Need

A Defense Team

Taylor's Marched

Out In Leotards

With Old Swifty Mom

Arranged Superbowl

Dollies

What We're We Ever

Jealous Of

These Celebrities

Who Lost Their Right

To Tea

They're Just Juggling

Bean Counters

For The Old Man's 

Team

We're So Bored

Of The Bimbos

Perverted Conservators

Physicists Want 

Better

We're So Bored

Of Plastic T.I.T.T.S 

And Now You Give

Us

Seventy Million

Transgenders

Military Made

Presents

A Colassal

Mistake 

Military Lied

When They Stole

Your Kids

As An Alibi

Military Lied

When They Cut

His Junk

Castrated Your

Kid For Court

And Plied Your

Baby Mammas 

With Addoral

Military Lied

With 40% Rapes

So Much More

It's Closer To 90%

With Wars

Check The Data Intake

Fakes

And We Witnessed

The Waste

Military Lied

Gaza Had Forty Thousand

Dead In April

Do We Just Triple 

DA Numbers

Or Quadruple

Military Lied

Kamala Wants A Real

Mom

She Hemmorhaged

Our Money

And Our Kids

Willie's Too

Kamala Wants 

A Deal

On Genocide

She Always Does

Amateur Law

Degree 101

Kamala Wants 

A Deal

Mrs. Emhoff

Wants Your Junk

With The Dr. Biden Nanny

That Groomed Their

Son

You Gonna Stand 

Up For America

Or Lay Down With

Israel

Kamala Wants Your

Junk

Trumpleberry Took 

Your Homes

Hoping For Games

Celebrity Singers

To Trump His Campaign

While He Checks Out

By Force 

He Been Raped

By Transvestites

Cyberbeast Looters 

Loomering

The Magicians

Remember

We Been Raped

By Second Gentleman

And Friends

And We Won't Take

That Moldy

Grandpa Asunder

We Been Raped

Violated At Large

I Didn't Want

Mark Milton's

Dirty Hands On Me

Byron Katie

Mediators

Or Mark Ritchie

"Daughtery"

Or Any Of Your Mark's 

Terrorists

And Certainly Not

12 Dykes Drooling

Shedding All Over Me

And My Blood Red

Moon

I Didn't Want

Christopher Stapleton

To Defend Me

From His Foul Colleagues

He Failed Time And 

Time Again

Since Jay Curatolo And Olesya

Adam's

Russian PD Mail Order Brides

A Pathetic Doppleganger

Public Defender

Who Most Certainly

Mollested His Kids

With Boss Mathew Roberts

I Didn't Want 

Eight Years

Of Grooming

For Muskies

While He Fluttered

With Talulalah

On A Castration

Damages

From English

Monarchy

Old Moldy Fettishes

Gone With The

Queen

I Didn't Want 

Jaima

To Steal My Kids

At Space-X

I Didn't Want 

Molly To Laugh

And Headhunt

My Colleagues

With Adam

I Didn't Want 

Hollie To Do A

Cowgirl Dance

For Marijuana

For Her Marine

Chris DearHeart

Farm

While My Kids

We're Raped 

On Political 

Circumstance

I Don't Want To

Sponsor 

Adam Steck's

Trannys

His Australian

Gigolos

For 'Thunder From

Down Under'

Nor His European

Hasbeens

Sexslaves

Matchmaking Scams

We Don't Want

Your Invitro Moms

Bought

We Wish You Hadn't

Violated Her

It's Not Cheap

To Give Gay Attys

Kids

And No One Wants

A Gay Man

In The Bathroom

No One Wants A Gay

Man In Puberty

Around Kids

No One Wants 

Gay Man For

President

Kidnapping 

Our Kids

In Transgender

Crimes

No One Wanted

To Be Drafted

For Kamala's

Slave

Or Alibi

Maya And Meena 

Are Done

Ella Retired

And Went To Bat

For Gaza

Brat

Fundraising

From Seventy Million

Detransitioners

You'll Have To

Answer To That

#4BillionMothersStrong 

#Nitya4Eternity

One Billiin Dead

1/8th Of Global Population

You're At Our 

Mercy

One Million Americans

Gone

Or Is It True

Alot Of People

Crying On YouTube 

Brazil Suing

To Hide

What Did They Do

Grok The Numbers

Give Us The Casualties

Grok The Numbers

Data Knows

Missing Persons

Jane Does'

Grok The Numbers

John Does'

And Settle Today

Twelve Trillion

Annually 

Pissed Away By Boys'

Club

Yes We're Tallying

Everything

Best Be 

Flowing The

Children

Other Way

Back To Moms

Home

Mercy

Peace & Love Eternal,

Nitya Nella Davigo Azam Moezzi Huntley Rawal 

Encinitasbeachhome.com 

[bluejayjay]

Han Seungwoo's vocals hit differently in a way you cannot use words to express his effect.

[fawnave]

😂

[asdfghjilysm]

[1:06am]

your boyfriend!minhee woke up from sleep as he felt something softly tapping his face. he slowly opened his eyes, just to see you sitting next to him with a sheet of little star-shaped stickers in your hand.

"i'm so sorry, i didn't want to wake you up... " you said with a sad pout on your face.

he just smiled at you gently with warm gaze and quickly pulled you closer to him, entwining his arms around your body.

"you should go to sleep too, y/n. it's late" he whispered and placed a small kiss on your forehead.

you looked in his eyes, then put your face into his chest and in a moment both of you were sleeping sweetly in each other's arms.