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nithr · 4 years

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A Second Chance

Summary: 'Who are you?' He wanted to know, know every single thing about her, things that one shouldn't want to know about a person who holds a gun on them. A second chance at love for the ones that were robbed of it.

It had been days since he had had a good nights sleep free from dreams. He didn't know why but since his childhood he had dreams that had followed the same theme. A world full of fantasy, honour and war. In his childhood those dreams seemed like an entry into the unknown, a world full of wonders and action that a little boy thoroughly enjoyed and embraced. But as he had grown older, had gotten better at understanding the world around himself , the dreams changed, their meanings changed. Cheerful laughter and abundance of love that shone through the dreams changed. The first time he experienced a life leaving its body through his own hands, he was fourteen. Waking up screaming he had thoroughly frightened his parents. Chalking it up to nightmares didn't seem to work in their household because once is a chance, twice is a coincidence but repeatedly for past how many ever years that he had started speaking from, explaining to his parents a world from history books that they attributed to his imagination, that had frightened them. A slew of doctors came and went, medicines consumed but the dreams didn't seem to stop. He stopped taking those medicines when he had accidentally overdosed due to him being delirious with not having slept in three days. It was a great fight with his parents but slowly he had them accept that those medicines were not improving him at all. Turning to yoga and meditation brought him a sense of calm but those dreams, those dreams where he was an royal, the feeling of a sword slicing the air around him, an all encompassing feeling of motherly love and devotion , the feeling of complete content and happiness as if he had found his soulmate, they never left and to tell the truth , he would rather have them along with sleepless nights with nightmares than do without them.

Inspite of all this he had an loving childhood, and a promising career. His family owns the prestigious Mahismathi Industries, a pioneer in the field of technology. Being the only heir apparent of MI , his life and future is set. But the thirst of knowledge and the fire to prove that he deserves the position made him an overachiever in his studies and in the work he started doing for MI. His parents seem to be happy that he is thriving despite his struggles in mental health and that has lead to what is now a big problem for him. Marriage. The thing he totally despises. Don't get him wrong he has no qualms about love, and he had gone on dates and had a few one night stands. But marriage is different. It's a partnership more than anything else. What was he to say to his future wife, that he has recurring dreams and nightmares and that he'll wake up screaming somedays, babble in a strange language on others, sometimes wake up kicking and punching so would you please learn some self defense or sorry we cant sleep in the same bed. Or should he say I'll try to love you but sorry I think I can't because I already love someone, oh it's just someone I dream of regularly, and no she's not real, yes I'm pretty sure, no I would not like an admittance to a mental hospital thanks. He would be really glad when this marriage talk comes to an end.

He prays for this recent bout of sleeplessness to end , he is getting sick of his own growchiness. Hearing his alarm blare out he groans and covers himself with his sheets willing the world to just disappear away. A few minutes later hearing the second alarm go off he huffs before throwing away his sheets and stumbles to the bathroom. He considers calling in sick for a few moments after he sees his reflection in the mirror, he really looks like a zombie, but then he curses himself for his very own good work ethics. Besides the vultures at the company would swoop in at just a peak of a mistake to point and complain. It was getting ridiculous, he was only in a mid management position now, both him and his parents agreeing that he should start low at the food chain, getting an experience at different levels in the company. But some people at the board still try to sabotage him at every turn. The thing was they knew his place at the top is cemented but they still try at every chance they get. He could even appreciate the ones that go about it in a clever way, because they could be useful for him in the long term but those stupid ones, he just doesn't know what to do about them.

Cursing the board members mentally, he got ready and hurried out of his house hoping he won't be late. Just as he was about to start the car his cellphone went off. Seeing that it was his mother calling and wondering she would at this time of the day he answered the call,

'Amma, good morning, why are you calling this early, any problem?' He inquired.

'Amar, good morning my son, did you sleep well'

'Ya ma, got some sleep , what's the matter , is everything ok?' It wasnt like his mother to call him in the early hours of the day. This call was making him a bit worried.

'Yes, good, everything is fine, don't worry and stop being a pessimist '

'Tell that to my mother who calls early in the morning to a son who she's going to see probably in an hour or so' he countered back.

'Stop sassing me, lord knows I get enough of that from your father and stop chuckling, like father like son', He tries vainly to cover his laughs. Like father, as if, he hasn't seen anyone in his life actually verbally spar with his mother and come out unscathed.

'Ok ok sorry, I'm stopping so why did you call' If he doesn't stop his mother now he would still be getting told off an hour from now.

'Oh that, I just wanted to ask you to collect a package from Ragupathy uncle on the way. Its the family heirloom from Andhra that got lost and was got back in an auction, uncle has it and he said he would deliver it personally, but it seems he has an urgent business meeting coming up and wont be able to come by so he asked me to send you by to pick it up'

'Cant you ask someone else ma, I'm getting pretty late, and if it really has to be me I can even pick it up in the evening' he tries.

'Amarnath, didn't I already say your uncle is going away on a business trip , and no I cant send anyone else because it's a family heirloom and it costs twenty two millions. And how many times do I have to say you are the boss of MI and you are allowed to be late sometimes. '

'Cool down cool down, dont get tensed, your blood pressure is already high, I'll go ok, and i really shouldn't be late even when I'm the boss' This was an age old argument in their home and today wasnt the day that it was going to be resolved.

'Really cant change you dear, but that is also why you are the heir to MI and your cousin Balla is not'

'Dont you get started on him now amma, and got to go now if I'm getting your package too along the way '

'Dont grumble too much will you, doesn't suit you'

'Ok amma got to go bye'

'Hmm , drive safely dear , bye'.

Ending the call with his mother , he started the car and turned it towards his uncle's home. Arriving in under twenty minutes, he rushed to the door and rang the bell. The door opened to reveal panja aunty a maid in his uncles home who welcomed him warmly. Asking for his uncle he was directed to the study in the upper floor. Knocking on the door and entering he found his uncle rushing around trying to fit as many things as he could in the bag of his.

'Amarnath, thank you my son for coming so quickly , I really didn't know who to trust with such an important piece of item. Thank God you're here'

'Its no problem uncle, mom said you have an antique piece for her?'he ended it as a question, trying not to let his frustrations show about how late it was getting.

Giving a confirmation his uncle went to the safe in the corner and brought an ornately carved box about the size of a shoe box.

'Take great care of this Amar, this thing does not only contain our family's money but also our history and legacy. Be careful will you?'

'I'll be careful uncle, it's already 7 isn't your flight at 7.30'

'Yes , yes I'll go , dont want to make you late' his uncle finished with a laugh. His entire family knew what a workaholic he was and took great pleasure in teasing him at any given chance.

Seeing his uncle off , he secured the package carefully in the trunk so that it wont jolst too much on the drive and started the car. It was a solid hour travel to his office from his uncle's home and he wanted to shave off whatever minutes he could so he took the smaller streets that wound through the city rather than the highway.

Later he would wish he had paid more attention to the road and to the car that was tailing him rather than speeding. But it had brought him to her and he wouldn't want it any other way.

It was halfway through, on a stretch of road that had sporadically placed houses and rather bare in terms of human activity that it happened. It wasn't that he wasn't paying attention to the road but when he noticed a man laying on the ground with his bike toppled over it was difficult to stop with the way he was speeding. He didn't think he had hit the stranger but it really was too close for his comfort. Berating himself and lamenting the consequences for his momentary lapse in judgement he hurried out of the car to check on the stranger.

It really had been a close call, he observed, if he had been even a second late in applying the breaks , the man would have died and he would have become a murderer. Walking over to the man on the ground he saw no evidence of bleeding , which was good. Crouching down , he laid his fingers to the man's neck to check for his pulse. Noticing that he had a good , strong pulse, he started to try to wake the man. With no amount of him trying getting any results, he decided to call the ambulance.

As concerned with the stranger as he was, he hadn't heard the scuffles coming from behind his car. But a strange loud thud from the near vicinity of his car startled him from his position. More wary now than he had been before , he tried to get up and check what the noise had been about. But before he could even stand fully, he was grabbed by the ankles and pushed to the ground. With his winds knocked out and reasonably confused he saw the man on the ground get up grinning. With a dawning sense of realisation coming upon him he turned his attention to the car to see four men with clothes tied over their faces trying to force open the trunk. He realised It had been a ploy to get him off the car.

It took him longer than he would be willing to admit, to get sense of the situation. Three by the car, forcefully trying to open the trunk, and an another who had tricked him, who now that he focused was swinging his leg back to deliver a kick. The kick landed hard on his abdomen knocking his breath out. Pain for many would cloud their senses but for him it sharpend them. When the next kick contacted with his abdomen he held on to the leg and pulled. Bringing down his assailant he crouched on the top of him and delivered a swift punch to his face. With the following two more the man was knocked out cold. Suddenly hands grappled on the back of his shirt pulling him away from the man. Allowing his weight to freefall on the assailant he got away from the hold and faced his three opponents. Breathing in and out and centering his mind he got into a battle stance.

In his childhood while other children opted for sports or games Amar was always fascinated by martial arts. After much cajoling to his parents he joined them, and never looked back. Fighting came easy to him, he raised through the ranks and joined even more different types of martial arts classes. It gave him peace and happiness that couldn't be found in his life plenty. So this situation of him facing three goons that seemed to be amateurs at best did not panic him as it would any other. They came at him from all sides, trying to overpower him , but he side steps and fights. The fight finishes in mere minutes. Panting heavily he carefully notes what he could about these thugs. From the way they way laid him and opened his car without any power tools he could tell they were well accomplished thieves, but their fighting left a lot to be desired. They weren't fighters , just thieves, good ones but just thieves .

A sudden feeling of a cold hardness pressed against his skull brought him up from his thoughts. With the realisation dawning on him he scolded himself for not checking up on the other thug he knocked out at the start. The gun pressed against him trembled making him more nervous that that idiot would shoot him without even meaning to. Seeing that he had not been shot at already he tried talking to the man who had his life in his hands. 'Listen buddy, there's no need for weapons here. Lower your gun and I'll let you guys go without even letting the police involved. But if you shoot and then got caught it would be life sentence for you. Your whole life would be behing the bars. Think that through. Put your gun away and I'll let you take your guys away. '

The gun pressing even harder against his head made him stop . The hand that was trembling till now steadied. The gun pressed firmly against the back of his head steadied. The click of the guns safety rang across the empty road sounding to him as if it was the conch sounding at his funeral. The safety had been on before , he could have tried to escape but there was no use lamenting about things that could have been. He knew in a few moments he would be no more. As many say, his whole life did not flash before his eyes , but his dreams did. Times he was happy and content in his dreams came to the forefront of his mind. He could totally ignore the gun behind him and he could go out with thoughts that made him smile. More than the fear of death , the wait for when the bullet will tear through him was what scared him. In the silence that made even death noisy , he heard the creak of the trigger being pressed. Then the shot rang through.

The pain he expected was not there, nor was the feeling of either heaven or hell. Slowly opening his eyes which he seemed to have closed , he turned around to see what the hell had happened. There on the ground laid the man who had held a gun to his head , with a bleeding shoulder. The gun laid on the ground and was now being picked up. Following the hand he saw the other held a gun too which seemed to be the source of the shot that he heard. Moving his eyes upwards he stopped short. Because there with guns in her hands, in a plain shirt and pants was the girl he was intimately familiar with. Eyes sharp as razors, beautiful red lips turned into a scowl, a face that shone even when it screamed murderous intent, she was there, every inch a perfect copy of the dreams that he had.

'Deva' his mind whispered, 'Deva'.

He wanted to pinch himself awake but he knew that this was real because even in his dreams he could never get the magnetism that shone off her eyes right, that was being directed at him. He didn't even mind the gun that was now pointed at him, again.

'Who are you , what the hell happend here ' she asked with a voice filled with authority. He found himself smiling hearing her voice. It was just as enchanting as he had always imagined it to be. 'What are you smiling for' she asked again with more force now. His smile had infuriated her.

'Who are you?' He wanted to know, know every single thing about her, things that one shouldn't want to know about a person who holds a gun on them.

'Devika Rajendran , deputy inspector of police , now give me your name or be ready to be dragged off to jail' she stated with a raised eyebrow and a relaxed stance. The confidence that she carried with her, it sent shivers down his spine making him want to needle her so much more, so that he could watch the way she got wound up and let go.

''Amarnath Chandran, software engineer at Mahismathi Industries ' he replied , holding back his true position at MI. He wanted her to look at him as if he was just any other normal guy, not the heir to a multibillion dollar company. It was experience that had him introducing himself as an IT guy rather than his true self. But looking at her he somehow doubted that she would bend down or simper at him. And it was that which made her even more attractive in his eyes.

'Well Mister Amarnath' he cut her off before she could finish the sentence,' its Amar, call me Amar'

If possible she looked even more less impressed by that statement. 'Mister Amarnath, I have to ask you , why was this guy pointing a gun at you' a hint of coldness seeped into her tone.

'I have no idea who these people are , they hijacked my car and tried to steal the antique that i had in my trunk, and trust me no way am i involved in any shady business Devika' and seeing the expression on her face become frostier he hastily added 'Maam, Devika Maam'.

'Cut off the name calling and show me your ID' she neared him and held out her hands.

He didn't know what was going through his mind. It probably was "she's here, she's real" and not "let's go to jail today". His response should have been "sure, let me get it from my car" and not what he said.

'I dont have it on my person at this moment but I could bring it to you by noon today. Your office is at the city headquarters isn't it'

If it had been him at her place , he probably would have done worse than slap the cuffs on his had and dump him in the back of the police jeep with the other thugs. He didn't care much for it, but at least the view was nice, or the back of her that he could see.

It took his mother half an hour to get the news and come to the station with a lawyer to get him out, the time which he spent most enjoyably watching her in her true environment. He seemed to infuriate her, smiling wider every time she managed to catch his look and glare at him. It was good that his mother came when she did or he didn't know what she would have done to him. But as soon as his mother came her entire ire transferred to his mother. Watching both the woman verbally battle he was glad that he wasnt caught in between but he would gladly accept that and more if only she could be in his life. They were two strong women who didn't want to give each other an inch of leeway. Finally Devika stomped towards the holding cell and opened the door with such a force that nobody could mistake her anger for anything else.

But before she could leave he grabbed her wrists making her turn towards him with such an anger in her face. It made him want to go to her and pull her in a tight hug and never let her leave. But he had an apology to deliver. Letting her go he lifted his hands up in an apology.

'I'm sorry I touched you without your permission, I just wanted your attention for a second. I'm sorry that I deceived you, it's my fault. The reason for it is simple. I didn't want to be away from your company just yet. You captivate me Devika, from your confidence to your inner strength that shows just as bright as your beauty, I wanted to spend more time with you. Your strength is beautiful, you are beautiful. Will you please accept my apology as a dinner tonight. Just an apology dinner, nothing else and if you never want to see me again you dont have to'.

Seeing the anger fade away from her face, and a confused look entering in, he smiled.

'Don't need to give me an answer now, tonight 7 PM at Jonas restaurant at the city centre, I'll be waiting, and if you dont show up I'll understand ' leaving the cell he started to walk out of the room and fortunately for him his mother seemed to have left already. Stopping midway he turned back to see her still standing in the same position. 'I don't know what you will decide tonight Devika, but either way have a good life officer'. He turned back and strode out of the room, whatever tonight may bring he was content in a way that he had never been. She may never come looking for him, but knowing that she was real, and that she lived a happy life somewhere was enough for him.

A smirk tugged at his lips, he definitely did notice the blush that stained her cheeks when she was with him.

Thank you @carminavulcana and @mayavanavihariniharini for welcoming me into this wonderful fandom.

Ao3 link

#baahubali #amarendra baahubali #devasena #fan fic

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panicked-nights · 4 years

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Be my husband, I’ll be your wife {SIREN}

Things get a little serious on New Year's Eve.

Triggers: None

@attina-the-responsible

PANIC Honestly Panic and Attima had more bad luck at town celebrations than they had good luck at them. That of course didn't stop them from dressing warm and heading out to see the acorn drop like it did every year. And just like every town celebration nothing stopped people from going out and seeing what there was to offer. It didnt stop Panic from tucking a small box into his jacket along with his phone either. Nor did it stop him from taking his girlfriend's hand and treating her to hot chocolate when they got closer to the stand. And it didnt stop him from kissing his girlfriend sweetly in front of everyone. "This year is the year everything changes. New year different bullshit and better bullshit?" Panic teased taking her hand back into his.

ATTINA: Attina loved New Year’s. Despite her rather pessimistic, anxious attitude, she was actually rather optimistic on the whole. And New Year’s was always a time to start fresh! That’s how Attina saw it. It was a time to leave the year before behind and look ahead. And there was plenty to look towards with excitement— Most prominently took the shape of Attina’s ever growing stomach, tucked up in layers tonight but still slightly visible if one looked closely enough (which was potentially on purpose.) She walked with a spring in her step, despite the unbalanced equilibrium, and smiled into the kiss when it was offered. "That sounds about right," she agreed with a little laugh, giving his hand a squeeze. "I am hoping for the better bullshit but you can never tell in this town. Any new year’s resolutions?"

PANIC One could only hope for better bullshit and it wasnt like Panic could whisk Tina away like some people did. He would if he could. Convince her to explore the world and see everything she may have once dreamed of. He wished she could. As it was. Where she was was his home. "I'm just hoping for better bullshit tonight to be honest. I'd like a nice calm acorn drop.... wow did that actually come out of my mouth." Panic pretended to shiver pulling Attona closer. "Oh no I'm becoming sentimental."

ATTINA: Attina laughed, stumbling into Panic’s side. "Oi, you’re going to make me drop my hot cocoa," she pouted at him, though she was still smiling and took a pointed little sip. "I don’t know if it is too sentimental to want things to go calmly. I always prefer that to the alternative." As she thought, briefly, of those alternatives, her free hand strayed down to the curve of her stomach, as it had been wont to do the past weeks.

PANIC Panic isn't even hesitate as he steadied Attina. Her balance was off and he knew that and well she was precious in general but considering she was pregnant Panic was a lot more cautious as well. "At least dont drop it on me. I quite like this jacket." Panic teased putting one hand in his pocket flipping his phone around in his hand. "I think its sentimental when it never mattered to me. Most people expect the demon to thrive in chaos."

ATTINA: Attina snorted and rolled her eyes a bit. Panic and his ~cool leather jackets. (Not that Attina didn’t like a good leather jacket, no no, they were very sexy.) "Well, most people think you-know-whats are monsters too, so—yay us! breaking stereotypes!" She rolled her eyes again, though this time not at Panic but at the world. It was the reason, in the end, it didn’t matter to her that Panic was a demon. Only in the confusing, technical, navigating a relationship with two people in one body kind of way did it matter. But otherwise: Panic was Panic. He’d showed her his heart and she trusted it.

PANIC Panic grinned at her snort. It was very silly he knew but it made him smile nonetheless. Even if she was muttering about their stereotypes. There wasnt much that could be done about that. Panic wasnt someone who wanted to change the world. Just live in it peacefully. "I'd say we could be monsters together. But I feel like that doesnt sound as romantic outloud as it does in my head."

ATTINA: Attina laughed at that, a proper out-loud kind of bark, gigglesnort-thing that had people looking at her from nearby. It wasn’t romantic, not really. A little over a year ago, she wouldn’t have laughed at all. She would not have found it very funny. But what were you supposed to do, when you lived in a world where you and the person you loved couldn’t reveal your identities for fear of swift and merciless persecution? "You’re starting to sound like Andrina," she warned him with a chuckle. "I think it could be romantic in its own way, I suppose." She tilted her head to the side as if thinking about it, but really she was just resting her head on Panic’s shoulder now. "Except I don’t think either of us are monsters. The world isn’t that black and white."

PANIC Well at least if he wasnt being romantic he was being funny. That was all worth it. The funny thing was while Tina might not have seen them as monsters. Panic had grown up thinking he was one. Even now he thought he was one. "Please never tell her that I dont think either one if us will survive knowing we sound like one another." Panic joked though he moved his attention to the acorn drop. "I'll have to up my romance game then."

ATTINA: Attina snorted a little, rolling her eyes for a third time. Of all her sisters, she was least concerned for any animosity that Andrina may harbor towards her boyfriend. And yes, she knew it existed. They were both very good at pretending it didn’t. Besides: Andrina knew Panic made Attina happy and that he was good to her. And, as far as Attina knew, Andy and Panic were on decent enough terms. It wasn’t like Attina’s past boyfriends, where everyone had commented on how terrible they were and predicted their inevitable doom. (To be fair: Paul has also escaped such venom.) But the thing was: Attina had always been aware her boyfriends were shitty. Being treated well was still a novelty to her and she did not take it for granted. Especially not now, when she knew she had to tread carefully and not demand too much of Panic, lest he collapse under more weight than she’d ever put on any of her previous boyfriends. It was partially this fear that made her hesitant to criticize Panic’s romance. Not that she would anyway—despite her hopeless romantic tendencies, Attjna didn’t demand much. She knew she was a basket case and also easy to please. A surprise bouquet of flowers would sate her romantic appetite for at least a month. And she did think Panic did a very good job, so it was only partially in interest of placating him that she disagreed. "I think your romance is just fine," Attina told him, snuggling against his arm. "Just give me a New Year’s kiss and I’ll be good until Valentine’s Day."

PANIC Oh Panic didn't like that. He assumed it was a joke, but that didn't mean that he liked it all that much. He would never let up on the romance. Not when they had their daughter on the way too. "I'll let you think that's all I'm doing and then surprise you with something else." Panic planned on a lot of surprises in the future. Attina deserved the world and while he didn't know if he could give it to her, he would try. "Do you have any resolutions for the new year?" Panic asked turning them to walk among all the New Years decorations.

ATTINA: Attina raised her eyebrows, but she wasn’t going to complain about her boyfriend insisting on being romantic. She wasn’t going to expect much romance—or try not to anyway—but she also wasn’t going to say no. "Alright, I suppose that’s acceptable," she teased him as they started walking. They strolled, Attina distracted by all the twinkling lights that had been up since before Christmas, until Panic spoke again. "Hmmm," she hummed. "Travel, maybe. Though, I suppose that’s not realistic with a baby in tow. But even just up to London might be nice, I haven’t traveled in so long. And—be a good mother, I think. I don’t know how to...quantify that but I want to try." She tried not to worry about being a mum too much, and she didn’t, not really, because she really had done it so much and knew she had a mothering nature, but it was already so different. "What about you?"

PANIC Panic hadnt really cared about twinkly lights before honestly his and Pain's apartment hadnt had a christmas tree the other yeara they were here either. But twinkly lights at Christmas that were still up at new years was perfect. And people disbursing to stay warm or get closer to the acorn drop just made the moment more perfect for them. "I want to be a good Father too." Panic started nodding at the very idea however they quantified it. At least they would be making a difference in her life. "We will have to try and make a trip out to Percy's family. They will want to see her as weird as that might be so there's some traveling." But things just for him. "I want to try learning a new skill. I'm not sure what yet but something I just do." Not connected to Pain or Percy.

ATTINA: It was weird, but at the same time, Attina kind of liked the idea of it. She was used to a big family. And she wanted her daughter to be surrounded by people. An extra set of grandparents never hurt anyone. So, she just smiled and nodded a little at that and his next resolution too. "Ooh, that’s a good one. Like what? If you want to learn an instrument my family has you covered." She didn’t mention she could teach him, because she very rarely ever talked about her own musical talent. "Or Mellie has you for artistry. If you want sports, Aqua. Lana could teach you photography. Andy can show you how to hack. We’re a regular Von Trapp family." A joke she made a lot. What? It was true!

PANIC That was a lot of options. Ones he hadnt even considered. Well I already started to learn BSL with Adella so that wouldnt count. Maybe something calm like drawing would be interesting. I dont even know what instrument would be fun to play and Idont want to be the typical man who only learns the guitar cause it looks cool." PANIC explained getting them finally to the perfect place where the lights dipped around a park bench. A lovely little halo of lights. "Do you wanna sit at all? We will be on our feet for the rest of the night at this rate. "

ATTINA: Attina could give him a whole list of options: piano maybe most suited to those dexterous chef fingers, but there was nothing wrong with a solid guitar. There was also more complicated choices like a sax or harp, but those were instruments you grew up with. Ones that you understood with the innate sense of a native language. "Uhm, hm—maybe. I’m not incapable of walking long distances yet, though." She said this even as she took a seat, pulling him down next to her. She kissed his cheek. "We can’t see the ball drop from over here, we’re going to miss it." Even though it was still a while off, Attina didn’t know the exact time, she’d been ~living in the moment. Another, more secret, resolution of hers.

PANIC No Tina of course wasn't incapable of walking distances yet but he wanted her sitting so he'd pretend if he needed to. Still he sat with her glancing around and once down at his phone careful to keep the box where it was. While he couldnt make sure everyone was where they needed to be he had the right time and he had to trust that everyone else would as well. "I think we've got a solid hour at the very least till we need to get closer. Do you wanna know another resolution of mine?"

ATTINA: Attina briefly glanced down at Panic’s phone as he pulled it out to check the time. He was right, they had plenty of time. Which was nice, both because the decorations were beautiful and also, okay, maybe her feet hurt a little. The dreaded swollen feet soon on the horizon. Attina had made a pact with herself not to complain about the maladies of pregnancy post-morning sickness finishing. Good Vibes Only. And, really, she didn’t much feel like complaining anyway. She thought it was pretty amazing, even if she would detest the stretch marks and ultimate damage. She was not immune to mermaid vanity. However, she wasn’t really thinking about that—or much at all—simply enjoying the quiet and the buzzing anticipation of the new year. At Panic’s question, Attina tilted her head a little, for the first time sensing something might be up. "Of course," she told him, curiosity glinting in her eyes. "What is it?"

PANIC Honestly Panic had this ring for a few months now. Had glanced around even sooner than that. Just in case something perfect came up. It wasnt hard to get Attina's ring size. Not when she had 6 sisters and he knew all of them. So he was prepared. He just wanted to make it special and it felt pretty special having it done just before new years with Lana ready to take pictures and the most if not all her sisters hovering somewhere in the general vicinity. He had done all that he could to make sure it was as special given the current situation. So with her question Panic twisted around so he was kneeling on one knee infront of her and finishing out the box from his jacket pocket opening it to a simple gold band with green and white gems. "I was hoping I could be a good fiance as well. I know we've done a lot of things backwards but Attina I've known you're the one for me since the moment we met and we were fake married for a week. I know I would have proposed to you given the chance and I know I want you in my life for however long that might be. I love you with all my heart and everything that I am. Will you marry me?"

ATTINA: For someone who had imagined this moment her whole life, when it finally came, she was a little slow on the uptake. In her defense: she was expecting a resolution, not a proposal! The reality dawned on her a little late and for the first few seconds, she only stared at Panic, then dropped her gaze down to the ring, which twinkled prettily in the festive lights. When her gaze flicked back up, her eyes were shimmering with tears and she covered her mouth with a hand. The words Panic spoke were somehow perfect—leaving not an ounce of doubt in Attina. Not in that moment. Her insecurities had slipped away like a school of fish, spooked by the surety of Panic’s love. She smiled and then nodded—and then, forgot to say anything. "Oh! Right! Yes! Yes, definitely yes!" she told him, her legs bouncing slightly with excitement before she leaned forward to throw her arms around his neck, almost knocking them both off balance.

PANIC Panic had learned a lot of things about his girlfriend in the months they dated. Broke up and dates again. He knew the quirks and he knew sometimes how her mind worked. He knew that she would say yes. Even as the seconds slipped by waiting for things to process in her mind. ( of course he knew she would say yes he wouldn't have mentioned it to her family if he wasnt) He was quick to wrap his arms around her when she hugged him. Now that was the reaction he was expecting. Or well he was expecting to be knocked on the ground by her. "Well let me put this ring on your finger then so the whole world knows you've said yes."

ATTINA: For the record: under other circumstances, Attina definitely would’ve knocked Panic to the ground, but she couldn’t exactly do that at this angle from sitting on the bench—she was already smooshing her stomach enough just leaning over to hug him. Not that it was painful or anything, the angle was just wrong for a full on tackle-hug. However, she liked to think she squeezed him tight enough to make up for it. So intent on the hugging was she that Attina had forgotten about the ring, honestly. Which was part pregnancy-brain and part oh-my-neptune-I’m-engaged!-brain. But Panic was right, it wasn’t official until she got the ring on her finger. As soon as he mentioned it, she popped back and smiled wide, tears now bubbling over the lids of her eyes. She’d like to blame this on hormones too, but absolutely no one would believe her. She wiggled her fingers at him until he slipped the ring on and she held it up to admire it in the light. Attina loved her jewelry, she wore plenty of it: rings and bracelets and necklaces and earrings. Jewelry was a large part of mermaid culture and engagement and wedding rings were actually something the human world and mermaids shared. (Though both sexes wore them and on a different finger.) She’d never worn something on her left ring finger, though, leaving it for that special piece of jewelry. It felt a little funny on her finger but she just twisted her hand about in the light, admiring it. “Ooooh, it’s perfect!” she declared and then leaned over to kiss him, her left hand coming up to cup his jaw as she did so.

PANIC Panic loved the blubbering tears in Attina's eyes. She was emotional and he was her rock. But that didnt stop his eyes over with tears as he smiled at her. Admiring the ring on her finger before taking her face in his hands so even if she hadnt brought him in for a kiss he would have kissed her. "Fair warning your sisters are around here so play nice." Panic whispered when they separated glancing around for them briefly before returning his gaze to his fiancee.

ATTINA: The kiss was sweet and good. Full of promises and resolutions and the future. All things good. Even the quirk in all her furious planning (now she had to add a wedding to buying a house and baby stuff!!) wasn’t a problem. Not at all. If anything—it made her excited. She could easily make room for being a wife. For having a husband. When the kiss broke, she was still smiling and crying and giggled a bit as she caught sight of the tears glistening in Panic’s own eyes. She scrunched her nose playfully at him, her smile getting even wider. Her sisters were here?! "They knew?! Those bitches,” she hissed, but didn’t mean it at all. She leaned in and kissed Panic again. “Oh!” The kiss broke. “Are there pictures?!" She gave a delighted squeal and popped up off the bench, dragging Panic with her. “C’mon! We’ve got to go look! Oh! And tell Daddy! And tell Alex and Piper and Simba and Nala and Ella and—post on Instagram!" she said all in one breath.

#attina the responsible #otp: i know #otp: I will #otp: apple of my eye

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garethito · 5 years

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You know... I've been meaning to ask you about this for a while, and yesterday's tag thing that you did with those Bale gifs only like... fueled? My curiosity? Lol, if that makes sense. Could you like... relive? The Champions League final from this year for us? Like, your perspective on it? Or maybe even the actual whole day of the final? Sorry, God, I know this is weird, but I just love how you tell stories from your life! I have seen you do it with some other anons once!

First of all, THANK YOU SO MUCH for this like, you guys always send me such interesting questions and Im so??? and OMG no this is not weird stop this is such a wonderful question to ask!! And omg you liked how I told the stories to those anons that is so sweet thank you so muchhhhh ❤️❤️💝❤️💘💘💞💞💘

But also this is making me really emotional I dont think I will be able to write this without tearing up but here we go!!! I was at school today and we had a special day so we didnt make any classes, so I had time to formulate an answer to this, and to complete it at home 💞

Quick WARNING?? Yes I am perfectly aware of how crazy and overdramatic this whole story sounds, but the thing is that this is how I truly feel about this day in my life. So yeah lol. Football is basically my life!

I would like to start this by saying that the day of the 26th of May 2018 is the most important day of my entire life as a football fan. There is nothing that could even come close to this. Absolutely nothing. Never in my life have I cried like in that night. Never. Absolutely never. I have looked at my life as a person, at my hardest times, when I cried a lot, but not even that can even slightly compare to the amount of crying that I have done on that glorious day of May 7 months ago. When I say crying, though, I dont actually mean crying, no. I mean violently sobbing, screaming at the top of my lungs, shaking and feeling numb. But in the best way possible, the happiest tears that I ever shedded.

My actual perspective, like you said, though, starts from the 2nd of May, a day after our semi-final second leg against Bayern. From that day, until the 26th, my mind, my body, my soul only thought about the final. I could not even focus on the Clasico on the 6th, neither on the last La Liga match. I was so fucking nervous, words are not sufficient to describe….. At least once every 2-3 days I would go to the bathroom with severe stomach aches and sit there until I would try to calm myself down so that my grandmother wouldnt get worried. I thank God, the Universe, or whoever you think invented life for the fact that highschool had nothing special during that period, just a few tests, that I got the best grades on, because had there been something big, I would have surely failed. That was a nightmare. Just think about it. Horrible La Liga season, then those fucking shaky as fuck second leg matches against Juve AND Bayern. I was literally so pessimistic that I am scaring myself right now thinking about it. All these bad scenarios played through my head ”What if Zizou loses his job? What if this will be the start of our downfall? What if this is the last Champions League final we will play? What if, what if, what if….”. I always tried to tell my brain how stupid I was, that we are Real Madrid and that we will win, like we always do, that we are the best fucking team in the Universe and that nobody even comes close to being like us. But its like these voices in my head wouldnt stop, it was so scary.

Come 25th of May I was an actual lifeless corpse. No matter how much I tried to call my best friend, who was in Bulgaria at that time, and telling her that I cant take this anymore, and her telling me that its going to be okay like it always is, that she doesnt really know my team well but she knows we will win, no matter how much of that was happening, I couldnt fucking stop being nervous and constantly thinking about this match.

On the morning of the 26th I woke up with a severe headache at about 8:30-9 AM. The only things that I remember from that whole day are the constant empty feeling, the amount of times I listened to Hala Madrid Y Nada Mas and the amount of pictures, videos, promotional/support videos I saw and watched. I called my friend one last time and I told her that now I am optimistic, that we will win.

My whole emotional state was ruined, however, by Gareth not starting. I dont need to explain the whole February-May Gaz-Zizou situation because I think everyone knows it too well by now and what I fucking felt about it. I have never been so enraged in my entire life. After all he has done, still no place in the starting XI. Though, this is pretty much the only thing that has ever angered me about Zizou. I love that man too much, I dont think there will ever be a coach that will ever come close to him, a coach that I will ever love as much as I loved him, but this whole situation really, really angered me. As I said, not going to get into details, I think that is enough. Though, I tried to only focus on my hardly achieved positivity about the match.

The match started and my emotional state reached its lowest point. I couldnt take it anymore, I felt impossibly sick from being so nervous, I got the most severe migraine ever, my eyes were literally about to pop out ugh again, remembering that gives me chills. Dani got injured, and I got angry again, because he didnt deserve it, the World Cup was literally about to start like God give this man a break!!!

Halftime at 0-0, my optimism grew, believe it or not. I felt like we will have more urgency in the second half and that we will win this.

The second half came, with me just desperately hoping for a goal. Because we were playing so well, we deserved a reward!! And it did come, with Benzemas goal, God I felt so relieved and happy. I have seen people saying that his goal was not good but? You literally take everything that is being offered to you in a Champions League final! He scored, he gave us a goal, we were 1-0 up, and I was literally screaming from joy, I was shaking so much and I was the proudest person alive. God, I love my team. Then, Liverpools equalizer came. I didnt think anything of it. I wouldnt get rid of my optimism. I was looking at my boys and I knew we would win.

And Oh My God, here we fucking go.

Minute 61. Gareth comes on. I was so grateful that he at least got to play 30 minutes, I literally only wanted to see him. At that time, considering everything that was happening, I was already emotionally starting to prepare for his departure to another team. I was watching him in those moments, flashbacks through my mind of all the glorious times I got to see him, all of his goals, everything.

And then…

All of a sudden…

62:58

That moment. The moment in which my soul has definitely left my body. The most beautiful moment I have ever lived in watching football. The moment in which I was the proudest person alive. A moment I will never, ever, ever forget, for as long as I get to live. The moment I have literally seen history being made, right before my eyes. The moment in which I literally evaporated, left the Earth, idk how to explain this but I hope you understand me. My idol, that had suffered so much that season, scored a fucking bicycle kick in a FUCKING UCL FINAL. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. The happiest, most full of joy, best, most emotional moment. Ever. No exaggeration.

My perspective on this? Oh well, brace yourselves. If you think everything that I have written so far seems insane, get ready for this.

I was on my bed, watching the game, shaking. I saw the passes, beautiful passes, that ended up with Marcelo controling the ball (incredibly, as he always does, my Brazilian sunshine). I saw him swaying to the side, and then passing a high, aerial ball in the box. Gareth came up to meet it, with… a scissor kick. That he scored. I literally fucking exploded like there is no other word. I jumped off my fucking bed and I ran literally across the house and came back, making the most inhuman noises ever I swear. I came back to my bedroom and I collapsed on the floor and I literally started fucking bawling my eyes out, and even that seems like an understatement. Screaming at the top of my lungs, bawling my eyes out, literally all of it happening on the floor. My grandmother literally came in and she thought something happened to me, but then I just pointed to the screen and she understood lmao. And from that point onward I cannot say anything anymore, because I dont remember anything else but me on the floor, literally. After like 15 minutes I hardly even managed to get back on the bed, and guess what?

82:41

AGAIN.

???? I dont know what to say anymore. Like he literally toyed with everyone that night, he didnt care about anything. Again, with a pass from Marcelo, he literally goes from FAR FAR FAR away and he shoots and… scores?? How much do you think my poor fragile self can handle? Like, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU SAY TO THAT?? Except for bawling your eyes out even more, if thats even possible? Its been 7 months and I still dont have words for what happened that night, like 2 goals ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND I WAS LITERALLY DEAD LIKE ??? I LOST EVERY SINGLE BIT OF MY SANITY THAT NIGHT. 2 goals, 2 goals in 20 minutes, he was about to get a fucking hattrick. A fucking HATTRICK IN HALF AN HOUR, but Karius unfortunately stopped that shot.

The match ended and… I dont remember anything other than barely seeing the screen, I literally had a blurred vision.

We fucking won it. We DID IT. THE DECIMOTERCERA WAS OURS.

In the moment in which Sergio lifted it I… I dont have words, did I go into another Universe, did I ascend, did my soul leave my body I dont even know but what I do know is that I spent the rest of the night, up until like 6AM, crying my heart out. And this is what I mean by ”I have never cried so much in my entire life”. Like I have never spent a whole night crying.

I went to bed at like 6:30, woke up at like.. 10?? I think you can imagine how I woke up, I literally felt like I was going to die but I spent the rest of the day catching up on everything that happened the entire night.

And then, of course, the celebrations, Cibeles, Bernabeu… of course your sensitive girl bawled her eyes out again lol!

Every day ever since it happened, I have always been thinking about this day. About all of it. No point in counting how many times I rewatched the goals lol! But I think you can imagine haha 💘

So yeah, this is pretty much it DSLKFDKJFKDFJKDFK. The story about my best ever day of watching football I made it unecessarily long (Im so sorry). I think the only conclusion that I can get from this is Hala Madrid Y Gareth Y Nada Mas lol! 💘💘

#asks #Anonymous #gareth bale #real madrid

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mahonrye · 3 years

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Sexual assault trigger warning, Continuation from that last post.

I was so scared for my nephew, and I swore I would do whatever I could to make sure he was safe. When he was born, my brothers girlfriend was working all the time and so my nephew would’ve been left at home all the time with my brother. Instead I convinced my mom to let us watch him after school. There was a daycare right across the street from our house, we knew the owners. So my mom talked to my brothers girlfriend and she agreed to it, and so for the first 4 years we would either just have him all day, or would go and pick him up the second I got out of school. I don’t think he was ever assaulted how I was, but my brother still managed to traumatize that little boy. He’s 8 now and luckily my sister (his ex girlfriend, she’s more like family than he ever will be) left him and found a very nice man with a beautiful little daughter only like a year younger than my nephew. But even still, now in that happy safe home, he has to go to therapy weekly, he has anxiety medication. At fucking age 8. I don’t even know all the horrible shit that little dude saw. Forgot to mention, my brother on top of being a rapist, was also a drug addict. And would openly do that shit in front of my nephew. He’d have his friends over for parties and just basically ignore my nephew. At this point, little dude is recovering. His new dad is a great man, and a great father. He treats my nephew and my sister so well and provides for them in every way imaginable. Admittedly at this point, I have no contact with my oldest brother and haven’t in a long time. He didn’t even come to our fathers funeral 2 years ago. As much as I would’ve hated seeing him, I was more mad he didn’t come. I try to forgive and forget, to move on and let it go. And I’ve been working on it for years, but i dont know. I just can’t seem to. Every time I think about him, I get so mad. Like, blood boiling type mad. As much as I know rationally it wouldn’t help, i dont think I could stop myself from seriously injuring him, if not straight up killing him, if I were to see him at this point. I’m still growing and still trying to process and work through shit. But it’s hard. Forgiving someone like that is hard. I always try to see shit from all sides because it makes it easier to forgive when you know where they’re coming from. But I can’t do that with this scenario. There’s no justification. What he did that day was pure evil and he forever altered my life. I guess saying I can’t do that is defeatist and pessimistic of me. I want to be able to forgive and move on, not that I’ll ever like him or love him. But I don’t want to have these negative feelings in me, no matter how deserved they may be. All life is precious and everyone deserves the chance to grow, I know that and truly believe that all people are capable of enormous change, but even still, I cannot pull myself to forgive him. It’s just another thing I need to work on I suppose. I’ve been thinking about trying to get a therapist again once I have a job and a car. I think it just might be nice to have someone to bounce my shitty thoughts off of. I hate burdening my loved ones with this kind of shit because they already worry so much for me. They’ve been hovering over me like crazy the past 2 weeks, thinking I’m gonna blow my brains out if I’m left alone, and to be fair there have been moments. But I don’t want there to be. I wanna love life. I wanna find meaning in life. I’ve been trying to for so long and I’m just kind of floundering, maybe it’s time I finally seek out a little help? Idrk. This felt weird but nice. At the beginning of typing all this out, I was literally shaking and sweating just thinking about it. But here at the end, I feel calm. Huh. If anyone read all this, thanks for listening. Have a good one

#sa tw #tw

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oh-woops · 4 years

Text

That ghost can suck it because that ghost is a nobody

People are like missed matched socks

Roses are red

Emo elf likes the colour black

Jesus looked at me and turned his back

Honey melon sounds like a cute ship name owo

Im gonna start a fire i don't know where or when but i will

Never mind honey lemon sounds better tbh

Don't let the breeze blow

Humpty dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty dumpty had a great fall (plot twist???)

Far from a cry

Welcome to the neighborhood

Try falling in love with taking care of yourself

That's ok if people don't like me

I like me lmao

Good times couldn't last forever

Old things we thought would never die

What a lovely way to lie

In a happy place there has to be that one sad thing to make your happy place feel human and that's you

To get rid of the bad apples you have to get rid of the tree

Another child left behind

Horrible + terrible = torrible

Can you get high off inhaler puffs???

Hopeless roadkills

Rosadusk ville

Are you satisfied with all the glowing eyes?

Would you like hearing the smoldering slience you made?

Will you ever say goodbye to all your lies?

Do you remember the pain of those helpless roadkills?

I'll hold you before the monster takes you

Holy strawberries

It's peaceful sometimes so i don't mind

Mother of filp flops

Fear dinner

Fear the dinner table and whats on the plates

Pass the point of no return

See an air ship

Beyond bucktooth cliff

Sa yo na ra (why must banana fish do this to me ; w ;)

The bottle of grief

What the rats seek

Maybe you wouldn't know

Paradise can't always be forever

We can keep warm while we burn the flowers

I am the physical embodiment of spilt milk

Am i allowed to be breathing

I am a fish drowning

What's the equivalent of living

Sleeping, i never thought i would have a hard time

But maybe that my fault

For taking 10 puff my inhaler

And I'm over dosed from the bottle of trying to get paler

Legends of the old timey experts

Kids with melting brains

I love to watch pain(t) dry

I saw the crash about to happen yet i couldn't prevent it

I guess the world really is full of assholes

The legend of the bucktooth massacre

Roadkill Riot

In someone's perspective I'm most probably a human stepping stone to them

For a place that never laughs

I think it pretty radiant

I like it here

Blithe

Linda Heart (character name???)

Blissful humiliation

Molotov cocktails

I really wanna be rebellious and badass but i also don't like cops or getting grounded

Suck a mango bitch

Are you looking after yourself?

Oh fuck off

From your description, you do not just want to be friends with everyone, you want everyone to be friends with you as well. The answer is that you can't. There will always be someone who is not goin0g to be your friend no matter what.

This isn't right. Im supposed to be the happy go lucky person in the family, the optimistic one who always likes to smile. If i can't even do that then why am i here? Why was i made if I'm just useless. Im not smart, im not athletic ,im not good at art or anykind of art, i suck at drawing, i suck at writing, i suck at acting, and i suck at music. If im not good at anything am even worth anything good?

Don't touch her im a doctor

Till we meet again, miss linda

For someone who's annoyingly happy go lucky all the time you're being very pessimistic right now

Homophoney

I am certain that i am certainly uncertain

Im just as retarded as a goldfish

Baby it's not me because maybe it's you

See u in hell

What makes you think this isn't your fault either. You made them like this, it was your fault from the beginning. We could've ended this peacefully. We could have liberated their poor souls. But now, now this can be over and we can finally be one again. See you in hell.

The cup is half empty. But that's not a bad thing, because even if it's empty you could still fill it up

People can be confusing... usually man is portrayed as strong and brave. But sometimes a single things can shatter them into a million pieces. A single word can send them into spiralling darkness. Which is why i dont do much, i dont speak much either, because i know that anything i do, anything i say will have consequences. (Que something dramatic). What did i do wrong? Why is this my fault? I didn't do anything wrong! I didn't do anything! "That's right, you didn't do anything", said a voice from the back of my head. It's all my fault.. i could've stopped them from falling.

You lied! You said that you would protect them! You saw how they looked, the fear in their eyes... they just wanted to be heard! And now look at what you've done... dont you ever speak their names again, hear their cries, you monster! You deserve to live with guilt. They were my friends... your friends... they were just here. And now they're gone...

I want to kermit suicide

I just want to do not living

I want to kermit not living

Just us kids

No amount of bandages can heal this now

Just like old times

There's always dinner waiting on the table, you know!

The girl as short can be then disappeared

"I just want to stop all the scars that grow, everytime that I go home

That's why I came up here instead"

That's what the girl in the yellow cardigan said

Taking off my yellow cardigan

Watching all my braids come undone

This petite girl, short as can be

Is gonna jump now

And be free

Yeah I dont think I can do this anymore

Nah we r disgusting creatures that kill innocent animals to feast and destroy our planet for our very own self satisfaction

I know communication for u is hard but if u keep stalling miscommunications can and will bite u in the ass sooner or later

It might be endless possibilities but in the end there is only one out come

Ya dingdong

Acting old doesnt make u mature, it just makes you boring

I just pulled the trigger

When the day after t omorrow comes

Will you shut up?! I'm monologueing here!

If the plane delays I'll swim all the way to ur doorstep and give u, ur tea leaves

DAMN TEA LEAVES

"Once we've reached our full potential we can finally put an end to this disgusting society and find an ending to this sad excuse of a story, once we've found the finale we can ascend... and soon... you will call us ascendant"

Shut the hell your mouth

Eff u

Is that an insult or a to do list

I hate sleeping because who knows when you'll wake up again

Everything you wished to be

Garbanzo

Garb n' anzo

(TV SHOWWW for le comic~ man I am a genius)

What once was your friend can become your enemy

Dont worry

You maybe her first love

But I'll be her last

Chemtrails

I just want to be your friend

Dont bleed on my floor

Fight me

Clairvoyance

The clairvoyant of the bucktooth massacre

Ethnic cleansing

The culprits

The victims

The witnesses

Even if u piss me off 24/7 I'd honestly do anything for u

Ethnic cleansing for the wayward unforgiving roadkills

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0aperture · 7 years

Text

a new outlet

I always tell myself that i want to start journaling because i feel so many things all at one time, and i want to write them down in hopes that it can help me process all of it, and yet here i am never doing it because i am sad and i am lazy.

i just want to talk about things and i want people to listen and to understand and to talk to me back, so here goes my attempt at sharing things, even if im the only one who ever sees this/cares.

I just got back from new orleans after a much needed week spent with my perfect boyfriend.

(side rant): he is so sweet to me. i really do not deserve how kind he is to me and i know it, and yet i am constantly thankful that he continued to pursue me even after my many efforts to keep him in the friend zone due to the fact that i was previously in a messed up relationship with a boy who made me feel very unimportant and made me think i was undeserving of affection and attention. I could ask hunter 1-million different things for him to do for me and his answer would 9/10 always be yes without hesitation. He has had a really hard life, and there are things in his past that have happened where anyone would expect him to be bitter and selfish and resentful and pessimistic to pretty much every situation. And yet here he is, spending a lot of money on me and things that we do together, without a second thought. He is so smart. i hope he knows how smart he is. He thinks outside of where most people would think, he enjoys reading into things about the brain, and watching documentaries. He taught himself how to play the guitar and i love to just sit and watch his fingers move so fluently as pretty sounds come from it. He has the prettiest blue eyes i have ever seen, and his skin is so soft, and his hair is always so perfect. I love when i get to sleep next to him at night. He is a light sleeper, and i know i move around alot and end up taking all the covers and more than half of the bed, and yet he is so kind about it. He is hands down my very best friend. i can talk to him about literally anything and he will try his best to offer advice and comfort me, even if its me just ranting about how im not happy with my body and i feel super alone sometimes.

i am about to go to college in montana soon, and that will create an even farther distance between us, and creating the time we spend apart greater. BUT he has told me not to worry because i am the girl he wants to marry and start a family with, and gosh that is the most reassuring thing to hear comming from an 18 year old boy.

My best friend/roomate jillian has recently starting dating a girl named Kat, and i can tell she is so happy, and that makes me really happy because all i have ever wanted for her is to feel secure in herself, and be with someone who makes her feel that she is unique and a wonderful human being. However, because of work and school and being in a relationship, i barely get to see her... which makes me sad because we used to be very close, and sometimes i feel like that closeness we had when i lived several states away has become less. I have friends in Denver, but they are the type of friends you call to hangout with when you’re bored, and the chances of that person being free at the same time you are is very slim, therefore i barely leave the house.

my hair is growing longer and that makes me happy. I thought getting bangs would be a cute fun idea, and now i really just dread them because they dont go anywhere and i have a weird cow lick, idk.

i have to get up for work at 4:30 am, and so i go to sleep at 8:30 which sucks because no one else does and i miss out on fun things.

i SUCK at saving money and that really infuriates me because i know i need to.

also, i think girls are really pretty. i see so many cute girls in the world and idk i just want to hug them all. girls rock.

i really didnt love living in the south, and yet i really miss it. i miss the warm weather and all of my sweet friends, and the pretty sunsets. I also miss high school sometimes, where all i had to worry about was getting home work done, getting good grades, and being on time for soccer practice. I miss seeing hunter in class, i miss living at home with my family and sleeping in my own bed in my own room. I miss my little sister and my cat.

life really does move so fast, i guess i didnt realize until now.

there is my rant for the day

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