#people forced together by circumstances. but they were like no lets develop some mutual fondness about this

[bacchuschucklefuck]

"friends of lava" new lgbtq+ euphemism

[tinumiel]

My Spuffy feels and why I feel that Spike/Buffy are a much more complete and better suited couple.

First of all, I want to say. I have yet to read BTVS Season 8 to 12, so please, please, PLEASE don’t spoil me anything. 

TW warning: the following analysis contains mentions of sexual assault, emotional abusie, toxic relationships and death.

First thing you need to know is that Buffy and Spike’s relationship in Season 6 is toxic and mutually abusive. This doesn’t mean it doesn’t have it’s good moments, but it is toxic none the less, and there is no way around that fact. The fact that their actions can be explained does not mean they can be excused. I know it, you know it, and any Spuffy shipper who tells you otherwise really missed the point of everything. They do a lot of harm to each other, and neither is at a healthy mental state to have a healthy relationship. Buffy is dealing with her resurrection, and Spike is dealing with these feelings that go against everything he has ever believed during his time as a vampire and he doesn’t understand, and probably an identity crisis. While they find comfort in each other, it is not in a healthy manner. Buffy is using Spike, and Spike displays obsessive behavior towards her.

It all culminates in Spike trying to force himself on Buffy, which is the final proof that this relationship had become as unhealthy as they come.

But, we need to analyze the entire situation more deeply, because, unlike most cases, it is not a black and white thing. Spuffy is not black and white, and that is the depth of their relationship.

What is important to remember is that, at this point, Spike is still a vampire without a soul. But, unlike other soulless vampire (including Angel, all you apologists), he is capable of feeling affection and genuine empathy for others. He is capable of good deeds, as we see majorly in season 5. He cared particularly for Dawn and Joyce (see how he paid his respects to Joyce after she died, not because he wanted to impress Buffy, but because he was genuinely fond of Joyce). After Buffy’s death, he could have left Sunnydale, since there was seemingly nothing left for him there. The Scoobies could not and would not remove his chip, the girl he was in love with was dead, he could hunt demons anywhere. But, he stayed AND helped the Scoobies to fight against the demons. This was, most probably, because he had come to care for Dawn and wanted to look after her. 

But, he is still a soulless vampire. And as long as he stayed as such, he would never be a good guy. He was capable of good and selfless acts, he was capable of love, but his natural condition remained evil. In order for him to truly redeem himself, he needed to have a soul, and in order for that to happen, there needed to be a turning point for him, an event terrible enough for him to fully realize his “evilness”, process it, be horrified by it, and decide to atone for it. This was the sexual assault on Buffy. It could have been something else: murder, torture, etc. But the creators chose this, and I think it makes sense, considering how deteriorated their relationship had become. 

But, how could Spike really become aware of te fact that what he had done was something terrible? In order for that to happen, I think the central factor is that he had to have no truly evil intentions. Spike sexually assaulted Buffy; but, he didn’t mean to. It was not a conscious action in which he did not care for the victim’s feelings, and only for his gratification. This is what allows him to realize that what he has done is terrible and that he must hold himself accountable for it. What proves that he had no ill intentions?

I read that a key factor in Buffy and Spike’s relationship in season 6 is the word “no”. But in this case, no usually meant yes. A problematic statement, but let me explain. Most of the times they said no to having sex with each other (particularly Buffy), she did not really mean it. It was more of a mandatory thing for her to say because she was not supposed to want Spike, but she did. It was why they always ended up together. The struggle was also part of, let’s say, their foreplay (see that very hot scene of the house destroying). Spike and Buffy’s relationship, particularly at this stage, it’s a love and hate, enemies to lovers dynamic. So, all of this was normal for both Spike and Buffy. Because of this, when Buffy refused him, Spike initial thought it was most probably that it was just another case of the same scenario. 

The audience realizes it’s not way before him, of course. Because we are not soulless vampires. Spike, while capable of selfless acts (like I already said), is coming from a very selfish position in this moment. He doesn’t stop to think of what Buffy is really feeling or considering the possibility that this time her no is a “real no”, but assumes that she is simply resisting him in the same manner she always did, because in that moment, he is being a typical soulless vampire. It is something the audience has probably come to forget at that point because of the good he had done previously, but, like I said, Spike would never be a good guy as long as he didn’t have a soul. He was bound to commit something atrocious sooner of later.

But, and here is the key element to this situation and one of his main differences with Angel. He realizes his mistake. Not exactly on his own accord. Like Buffy says, it was only because she stopped him, but that moment of stop was shocking enough to “bring Spike back from his frenzy”, really think the situation through and realize what he had been about to do. And unlike soulless Angel, Spike feels guilt for his most terrible act, he feel disgust at himself. He realizes he doesn’t want to be this person, and that he has to do something to take responsibility for what he has done. This is the moment Spike realizes he wants to be a good guy. And that he can’t be a good guy as long as he doesn’t have a soul. This is the pivotal moment. It is in this point that his actions do become black or white: he either chooses to be good or he chooses to remain bad. And he goes for the good action, thus initiating his redemption arc. But this would not have been possible without the extreme situation that was the horrible act of attempting to abuse Buffy.

After this, we reach Season 7. Spike has a soul now, and much like it happened to Angel, he is taking responsibility for all the terrible things he did in the past. He can’t change them, and all his victims are most likely dead, so the only way to take accountability is to start to do good, which he does. The one of his victims he can answer to for his crime is Buffy. So begins the journey of Spuffy in season 7, that begins with Spike properly experiencing and accepting the guilt and blame, and understanding the extent of the harm he did to Buffy, and accordingly changing his behavior. Where he was once selfish and obsessive, he is now comprehensive and supportive. He gives her the space she needs, listens to her, respects her feelings. The trust between them begins to develop and strengthen, and their relationship matures into a healthy love that is not based purely on physical attraction and unresolved feelings; but in full communication and mutual compromise. Just like Buffy accepted that Angel with a soul was not the same man as Angel without a soul, she accepts that Spike with a soul is not the same as Spike without a soul, and thus, forgives him and starts to trust him again. And this time, Spike proves himself worthy of this.

A lot of people, for some reason, seem to judge Angel with or without a soul as separate people (like Buffy does) but Spike with or without a soul as the same. I don’t know if this is because Angel answers to different names depending on his soul condition, or because his personality changes drastically, but either way, of course under this circumstances Angel is going to seem more healthy and come out on top. But if he were to be judged under the same standards as Spike, he would turn out to be much, much worse. Unlike Spike, Angel without a soul is incapable of love, selfless acts, or feeling empathy under any circumstances, nor is he interested in them. His only joy is to cause pain. He abuses Buffy, perhaps not sexually, but definitely mentally and emotionally, stalks her, threatens and kills those who are close to her and is obsessed solely with the intention of causing her pain. And he does not regret any of these actions. His soul is imposed on him as a punishment. Once he has it, of course, he is happy for it. But when he loses it, he has no interest in taking it back. Spike, on the other hand, has his soul restored. He resolves to search it on his own initiative because he wants to get better. He is willing to face trials that will test his physical and emotional resolve for it because he wants to be a good man. Angel’s soul is meant to be a punishment. Spike’s soul is meant to be a blessing. So, if they are both to be compared and judged, it has to be under the same terms. Just like Buffy does in the show. So they are either judged as separate entities (with and without a soul), or as a whole.

Taking all of this into account, I think it’s safe to say Spike and Buffy are on the long run a much better suited pair, because their relationship is much more mature and developed. They’re based on open, serious conversation, and mutual agreement and compromise, as love should be. Both Spike and Angel (that is, Spike and Angel with a soul) are good, healthy love interests for Buffy, but Angel’s relationship is much less mature and developed. Angel wants to protect her and preserve her, while Spike wants to support her and let her grow. One is a relationship from her teenage years, when she was still growing to be the person she was to become; while the other is a relationship developed throughout different stages in which they have both come to know each other fully well at their worst and their best.

Angel will always be Buffy’s first love and first soulmate. It will always be true love. And they will always have a deep, unique connection. But Spike is her true love soulmate, and to a much deeper level, because just as they reach the point of becoming the man and woman they were meant to be, they are there for each other to have the relationship and love they were both meant to find.

If you read this whole uncalled for reflection, you deserve a cookie and all my love.