#personally itd be a lie to say i didnt care about numbers

[zgvlt]

As a writer I wanted to ask if numbers (specifically likes or reblogs) matter to you? I want to start posting on Tumblr (reader-inserts for TWST too) but I'm scared I'll end up getting demotivated due to a lack of traction :( I know people say to just write for yourself but what would the point of posting it be then? I just wanted to know your opinion on this.

Oh my answer is going to be a little lengthy! I'll be answering this based on my own perceptions so it's totally fine if people think differently than me :>

Short answer: mostly yes, and i don't think it's a bad thing to care about numbers 😌 but dont let it consume you and as much as possible try not to let it discourage you from writing what you want!

Long answer: Personally, above all, feedback matters to me the most! Hearing what people think/if people enjoyed my fics is much more important that seeing numbers go up.

However in most cases feedback does count towards the numbers— other than feedback through asks, feedback tends to come in the form of reblogs (both reblog in text and tags) or in replies on Tumblr, which contribute to the notes count. Plus, because the tagging system isn't always... working, reblogs, which also contribute to notes and therefore numbers, are incredibly important in getting your work out there, thus getting feedback, which in turn usually gives fic writers the motivation to keep writing and posting. Likes, well, don't really do anything to get your stuff out there even though your notes will mostly be comprised of likes, but they're kind of cute to see, especially when it's a name you recognize like a "it's you again!" or a "wait that's someone i follow they liked something i wrote?"

Plus, I'm just a really big fan of looking at numbers, which is why I said my perception might be different. I like math and love statistics, so it's kind of satisfying seeing something go from 8 notes to a hundred.

Still, I honestly think the TWST community (even with some bad apples) has a lot of very supportive people when it comes to writers, who love giving writers attention, especially newer blogs. The community isn't perfect but it's a community consistently growing and a community that can never get enough of content, so there's always room for more fic writers, and artists in general, you know?

I think it never hurts to at least try and dip your toes in writing and posting! See I think the key thing when people connect writing for yourself to not caring about the numbers is to actually write for yourself and at your own pace? In my years of experience writing there were a few things that got me to stop. The first was just losing interest in the fandom, it's normal and it's okay, the second is lack of feedback, which if you've put out work you're happy enough to post it's on the audience's part to provide it, and the third is burnout from requests.

The thing is when you get requests, you work on it and there's this added pressure of getting it out quickly and making sure it has to be good enough for others to like it and not just yourself, and then if it gets little feedback and numbers, it feels like a double whammy? basically awful. of course writing for yourself doesn't mean never take requests, go for it especially if it's something that motivates you and you enjoy! but what i'm saying is try not to be too harsh or give yourself too much pressure so you enjoy the writing process and you have less regrets overall...

and well, sometimes you just have writing slumps and that's normal. If you ever encounter it I promise there's no harm in taking a break, maybe do other things until you find the motivation to write again. Most people do not have the motivation to pump out fics regularly without pause and you shouldn't pressure yourself to do so! Some days you'll probably find yourself writing a lot and some none at all and that's normal!

Anyway this post is getting long haha but yeah, I think just find a healthy balance— it's okay to care about the numbers but try not to stress too much over it, try your hand at posting, and if you do find yourself demotivated then remember to take appropriate measures whether it's to take a hiatus or writing for a different fandom or whatever you need to do

Plus, you know, general reminder that many writers leave due to lack of reblogs replies and feedback in general, and seeing people leave might discourage others from even starting, so as much as possible show your writers love even if it's just an ask 💖

[heartofsurgingflame]

hey hi so basically would you please do us all the honor of maybe saying your opinions on all the characters of tcomc? I know you love V4, just curious about your opinions on everyone else

*CRACKS KNUCKLES* ok so im gonna put this under a readmore because theres a good amount of these bitches. i’;ll look on wikipedias list of characters so i dont forget anyone

dantes/monte cristo: I LOVE HIM A LOT ACTUALLY, i know i dont talk about him as much as i talk about veeyfour partly because everyone likes him so everyone talks about him but theyre tied for my favorite character .... i relate to him a lot and i want him to be happy :(

abbe faria: i dont tend to like static characters often but the concept of an old guy you meet in prison who knows everything and adopts you, and also hes a priest, is so fucking funny so i have to like him. rest in peace my old bro

bertuccio: he sucks because hes mean to v4- just kidding i enjoy him. he’s a good guy i think, definitely a better person than v4, only thing i can really complain about is his whole “oo benedetto is a nasty little man because i didnt hit him” for personal reasons i strongly dislike that but hey it was the 1800s

luigi vampa: ok so hes one of those people who you can only refer to them by their full name. i think hes good as well. wise bandit leader. monty how do you even meet these people

peppino: oh god i dont even remember this one that well sorry

ali: don’t like that he exists..... slavery’s bad

baptistin: dont remember forming an opinion on this guy either

jacopo: he’s cool i guess. i like how they changed him in 2002. absolute bro

haydee: THAT GIRL IS DAUGHTER TO ME i used to be ehhh on her but then i realized i just don’t like that she and monty get married. she’s fucking good

mercedes: *WAILING* definitely one of my favorites i get so emo over her i really wish she had a more fulfilling ending. i would like to have seen more of what she was like pre-dantes getting sent to prison too, she was really fun at the beginning of the book like she would Not take fernand’s shit

fernand: awful awful man and i think he should’ve suffered more but as a character i like him he’s just... kind of a moron but also evil and half of everything he says ever is a lie

albert: who could forget dear albert he’s fucking crazy in a good way like it makes sense because mercedes was very like... set in her decisions and kind of drastic with what she says in the beginning of the book. and fernand is fernand. like you know his parents are crazy so he’s crazy. he’s a good kid though despite being a rich brat

franz: god bless him he’s the only one who realizes monte cristo is kinda suspicious. unless you count countess g---- but she just thought he was a vampire. but it’s good to have franz itd be a bit boring if monty was like loved by everybody instantly

danglars: YES i like him a lot he’s just evil and does not feel remorse he’s really fucking funny too because he’s a cuckold but he owns it. you know

hermine: well she was fuckin . that’s her prerogative i guess. has good taste in men except for her husband. i think she can do whatever she wants

eugenie: *SHOOTS LASERS FROM MY EYES* I LOVE HERRR i take back saying her mom should be able to do whatever she wants eugenie is the one who should be able to do whatever she wants forever. like she was not in the wrong at all unlike some people in this book

villefort: ok i know you know bhow i feel about this man but i just want to say he’s like... i think i don’t have a single issue with him the way he’s written is just so good and i wouldn’t change anything which is insane. yes im serious i wouldnt even make him actually gay because, thatd be weird, he is evil. also i relate to him too not as much as i relate to monty usually but

renee: what did she do even i guess i dont have much of an opinion on her. i like her dog in that one fuckign i watched like 2 episodes of the british miniseries the one in black and white. she has a little fluffy dog in it

the saint-merans: i guess theyre pretty funny because theyre rich people and have to put up with the way that villefort is. i love how all of villefort’s extended family just destroys each other

valentine: not a huge fan of the subplot with her and max, like i understand its narrative purpose and i wouldnt take it out by any means but i dont really care about those two together. i do like her quite a bit though. she managed to break the cycle of being a shitty person because of your family and im proud of her for that

noirtier: LEGEND he made a few points. like fuck napoleon but noirtier at least had a spine , perhaps a bit too much but you know how it is. he’s really funny because he does not respect his son in any way

heloise: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I REALLY LIKE HER nobody properly appreciates her like i’ve seen people view her as just a punishment for villefort like   shes her own person. and though murder is bad shes kind of a victim of the way that society was. similar to villefort. the problem is capitalism am i right

edouard: WHAT son? i don’t have an opinion on him

benedetto: he’s the closest i can come to disliking a tcomc character. like i dont like that ali exists but that’s dumas’s fault. benedetto is uh. horrible. he’s a bit funny though (sorry i keep saying characters are funny) is it hypocritical of me to be like i dont like benedetto because he’s evil but like danglars because he’s evil? maybe

morrel: dantes’s dad #3. he’s a good guy i appreciate that he was fully ready to shoot himself to save his family

maximilian: i like him, not as much as i like valentine but he’s cool

julie and her husband: no opinion really. glad things worked out for them

caderousse: a merderer............ ok i actually like him i’m sorry i don’t pay as much attention to him as i do to v4 fernand and danglars i should. probably change that. i think its funny that wikipedia basically describes him as a tailor who turns to a life of crime

whatever the hell cad’s wife’s nickname was: ok so the chapter where she dies can be interpreted in a number of ways right like i know one is that caderousse was nervous because he had decided to kill her but i like the idea that she had the idea to kill the jeweler first and caderousse was like do i have to and she was like ya. and then he just decided to get her too in the spur of the moment. would have liked to know more about her

dantes’s dad: :( he was nice.... we get like one nice dad and he dies. ok morrel is there too but...

lucien: DANGLARS POLYCULE he’s REALLY funny i like him quite a bit. he’s like. snarky

ok theres like at least 7 other characters but theyre minor and i odnt have much in the way of opinions on them. that’s all

[lost-little-fawn]

maternal trans-ferance

i.

somehow, it has been a year of sobriety and i am still: 

sour, weeping, empty, fading, ghostly

i cry at bedtime and cry to music 

my psych tells me “just stopping the self harm

is enough in my eyes, i am proud of you” 

and i openly cry when i hang up because 

i want her to be my mother and it hurts me 

it hurts me when people are kind or when people touch me 

i stop my meds. i start again. i lie that im taking them. 

my psych promises she will never stop seeing me 

as long as i try: she has had a baby recently 

i know shes not trying to hurt me 

i know she is just nurturing me because 

she has been seeing me for two years and 

because i am a sick and broken baby bird 

and because she has watched me suffer and 

because she knows my parents are not 

but it hurts in my chest and it hurts in my throat 

she says “its ok to feel bad, i can see you more often” 

and i almost beg. i want all of her time. i want her number 

i want her to hug me i want her to pet my head 

i want to call her at 3am and tell her that shes hurting me

i want her to adopt me legally.

ii.

my therapist and i sit shoulder to shoulder staring at her horses 

i contact her on facebook to tell her about what 

my mother has done to me, about how 

her attempts to help me endlessly fail: 

she emails me official letters and she once told me she loves me. 

i read her a story once about my abuse 

and she openly cried, told me it wasnt fair, 

we cry together and she says 

“i wish i was seeing you then” it has been three years.  

my first session with her i was bleeding in her hallway: 

different horses different office. “he hurt me” i said, 

and thats all i said. “i know he did” she said 

over the next 36 months i opened like a flower: 

“when he hurt me he used to say that he loved me” 

“my dealer didnt let me leave the bed after 8pm” 

“the cage bars were cold and hurt on my knees” 

she was the first person i ever told everything: 

she listened multiple times. she has never said 

“i have heard this before” if i ask (knowing she has) 

she lies. i would compile the story differently every month

and she would listen, and she would listen. 

i will never find a therapist like her. i will never 

be as good as her: i will never try. 

iii.

one time i was 10 11: my gp laid her cold hand on my forehead 

and she smelled like flowers and i was so sick

and she turned to my mother and said

“you need to bring her in more often” 

and for months after. after my mother 

refused to bring me again i imagined she would call cps 

and cps would take me and shed adopt me 

and id live in her doctor house and whenever i was sick

shed smell like flowers and i would be safe. 

i knew nothing about her but her last name. 

it pains me that she will never know the capacity

to which my mother refused to let me see her. 

iii. 

i leak motherhood like a sinking boat taking on water. 

i weep over videos of babies: i fantasize about strangers. 

i am 90% empty, i am cold, i am hurting. 

there is a hole inside of me i know will never be filled

but i still stuff it with things that do not fit. 

i dont know how to stop trying to fill it: 

how do you accept the unfairness of knowing 

that something 99% of the world got without asking 

you will never earn or deserve? 

how do you cope with the active rejection 

of the one person on earth that isnt supposed to reject you.

sometimes i think itd be easier to say shes dead.

sometimes i think itd be easier to pretend 

that she did love me then: that she dressed me instead of 

letting me run around naked. that she fed me instead of leaving me to cry

that she didnt give me away, that she cared if i lived or died. 

i once asked her if i smelled good as a baby

and she said she barely touched me. 

i ache for the me that didnt even understand. 

at least now i know better than to expect anything more 

[iwillretitlethisatalaterdate]

feb 20

It’s funny how I was saying to Dyllan and this blog just the other day how I had been feeling faint at work on my four hour shifts, and how I was dreading my full day shift today, since I was there for an hour and fainted. I was reading some numbers to my boss and I remember suddenly feeling funny like I should sit down but before I could move I must have had some sort of episode, and the next thing I remember was hearing her say what’s wrong, are you okay?? And I was being held up by her and answering no. She laid me on the ground with some pillows (perfect workplace) and I came to and was kind of thinking like what the hell just happened???? And she was like “that was not okay you aren’t okay I will call an ambulance” to which I replied helllll nawwww (not verbatim) and she realised I was responsive. She sat me in a chair and kind of demonstrated to me what had happened, my leg started collapsing and I fell forward onto the counter and (again, great workplace) into a basket of tea towels, and she said my head was kind of lifting back up but falling again so she grabbed me. The whole incident only lasted ten seconds if that but it was enough to scare her and make her suggest things like stroke and epileptic fit which kind of scared me. Anyhow fortunately she was kind enough to let me go, closed the shop and called matt for me and demanded he take me to emergency. I really was grateful to be in her presence over anyone else’s as much as I enjoy working with most of the others. Mums are generally quite reliable in such situations. Anyhow Matt came and off we went to emergency and he truly melted my heart all day (and indeed we were there all day [from pre 11 to post 4]). Of course we presumed it’d be something to do with the baby but my boss’ mention of strokes and fits had me wondering. We finally saw a nurse and another nurse then a doctor and the doctor twice more and in between the short visits were long periods of waiting and laughing and spending quality time together and I honestly had such a nice day with Matt albeit not the most fantastic of venues or situations. The greatest part was when I was taken to have an ULTRASOUND meaning I got to SEE MY LITTLE BABY and I can’t lie that moment really changed everything. I’ve decided by now that it’s what I want and as I’ve mentiond we’ve had some in depth conversations that have led me to this point although I must admit from the first positive test I think I was subconsciously set on my decision to be a mum. But seeing it wriggle around and really be in the shape of a tiny little person (it’s seriously like the size of a pecan - it’s a wonder how amazing those ultrasound machine thingys truly are) just honestly overwhelmed me and I couldn’t stop smiling and being overwhelmed by the fact that my baby is INSIDE ME (wtf that is honestly so bizarre). Looonnng (literally hours) story short I left the hospital being told to drink more water basically, and probably to eat little more frequently. Nothing I couldn’t have assumed for a full day at the hospital, and I was kind of expecting like “your xy and or z levels are low so you need to do 12 or 3” but no. And I clarified several times that their conclusion was to hydrate. They also suggested if it happens again that I should go. Back. And. See. Them. Wow. This kind of just reenforces my belief that the whole medical profession is yet another government based money making scheme which is sometimes helpful but mostly financially beneficial for financially well off people. Both our mums also mentioned pregnancy when we were conversing with them about the situation. I don’t know if I’ll ever “publish” this blog but if I do and if they read this I hope this can help them, and anyone else, understand. I really didn’t want our announcement to anyone to be off the back of a medical emergency. I didn’t want it to HAVE to have been told BECAUSE I went to the hospital, as opposed to BECAUSE we were ready to tell them in whatever way we eventually choose to. I’m already nervous and scared as hell as I know they both “disapprove” to varying degrees which I understand, but am also somewhat saddened by, particularly as time goes on and we get more excited about it. At the end of the day, we discussed the pros and cons of keeping and.. not keeping the baby, and together decided that we choose the next step in our lives. And I hate that I even have to justify that, and I kind of don’t even want to at all. But all my life I’ve felt like I have to explain myself to others to try minimise disappointment. Not that anyone’s ever treated me with that “respect”; I’ve no idea where I’ve learnt such a self depreciating habit. My life is my choice and although I’ve not necessarily made all the right ones, they’re mine. And this is ours. I’ve never been with someone the way I am with Matt and I don’t need to divulge our relationship and deepest feelings to anybody and I refuse to. People see the fights we have but they don’t see the love we share because we are private people in that sense and it’s for us. And as much as I HATE having to say this, believe me, it’s there. And it means a lot to me that it’s mostly kept between us and that we know how we feel and what we want and how secure we are. And maybe someday one or two kids in or MAYBE even before that, something will happen that results in the feelings fading or being destroyed or whatever it may be but it won’t change how I’ve felt and what this relationship has shown me, or that I want to be a mum and have the capacity to do it on my own or shared. That was a bit of a tangent, but what I WAS trying to get at is that maybe when people find out about the baby they will think we lied about what happened today, but that’s not the case. Nor did we want to exclude or upset anybody. Until I saw the heartbeat today (which was unfuckingreal) I was honestly convinced it didn’t have one and it didnt survive and it wasn’t our time. This is also a bad habit of mine - I convince myself of the worst so as to never be disappointed or heartbroken. So i have been adamant in keeping it from anyone until we get a scan pic and confirmation of its health and reach the “safeish” point of at least 12 weeks, and Matt’s respectful of my decision. This post kind of feels long winded and indirect and mostly pointless but a lot has gone through my mind today, I was nervous for my own health and for my baby, I didn’t want to have to tell my boss or family what I wasn’t ready to, and I was kind of disappointed in the result although happy I seem to be healthy (just starved and dehydrated woops). My heart just feels really full and a little nervous but I love my sweet and caring boyfie and the little big headed baby that is actually living in my uterus (I know there’s billions of humans in existence due to this very phenomenon but it’s still tripping me out). I best go now bye 👋🏼

[bint-amina]

after peter wolff writes his son a short letter in which he relates the details of how the matriarch of iris’s coven came to him and asked if damian might be able to email iris or something just to reassure her that he’s ok, damian takes out his phone (he has changed his number since he last talked to her) and he texts a familiar number.

[d] Stop trying to contact me.

[i] Damian???????? [i] Oh my god????? Jfc I thought you like [i] Died [i] Are u ok??

(a day passes)

[i] If u dont reply Ill assume the answer is no and get Grace to talk to ur dad again

[d] That was a low blow.

[i] It was desperate u mean. Which is tru [i] But Im not fucking kidding. I thought you were dead

[d] That’s a lie.

[i] How would u fucking know huh

(half a day goes by)

[i] I heard about the guys in the city [i] Thought maybe after that ur dad got sick of ur shit and called a priest or something lol [i] Cuz ur a demon

[d] Clever.

[i] Actually that wasnt clever sorry. If u have to clarify the punchline u really cant in good conscious call it clever can you

[d] Not really, no

[i] Lol [i] Good to see you’ve still got ur sense of humor

[d] ‘Humor?’ [d] Is that a Korean word?

[i] Har har [i] You speak korean dummy [i]  작은 년이되지 마

[d]  나는하지 않으려 고 노력할거야.

[i] You google translated that one didnt you

[d] I’m out of practice.

[i] Its ok, me too

(another day goes past)

[i] Hows your mom

[d] I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in six years.

[i] Wait what lol [i] Then where are you

[d] Some school somewhere. [d] Not Columbia, obviously

[i] Obviously lol [i] What kind of school

[d] I don’t know how to describe it. It’s designed for creatures like us.

[i] Wait your dad sent you to VAMPIRE school [i] One might even say........... Vampire ACADEMY [i] Wait what the fuck is it a high school lol

[d] Sort of. It’s a combination. [d] I’m in classes that supposedly will transfer back to Columbia when I return

[i] Oh youre coming back?

(sent at the exact same moment:) [d] Be more specific [i] To NY i mean?

[i] Lol

[d] Hole in one.

[i] Good call tbh. It sux up here [i] Did you know vermont is the whitest state in the country

[d] It’s second actually, after Maine

[i] Ahhh yes the compulsive fact checking.......almost forgot why I broke up with you

(20 minutes later)

[i] That was a joke lol

[d] I thought it was

[i] Nah you didnt

[d] I was around 80% sure

[i] Not statistically significant enough to reject the null hypothesis [i] Cmon Damian get back to your roots. Do some math to figure out your feelings

[d] Insufficient data

[i] Lol

(two days later)

[i] Lily says hi

[d] She’s still around? I thought for sure she wouldn’t make it through her first year.

[i] Lol yeah [i] She had a couple accidents too but [i] Nbd tbh. Im not going to get worked up about it anyway

(an hour later)

[i] Im still dating her btw

(a few hours later; in early morning, after class)

[d] I was almost hoping you’d lie to me

[i] Yeah. Sorry [i] She said I could if i wanted to but I would rather not lie to you tbh [i] I feel like........if we’re going to try reestablishing trust and everything [i] Then I should try not to lie at you

[d] Why would we be doing that?

[i] Cuz we dated for two years and itd be great if we could like get along [i] Cuz you ghosted me for a fucking reason and honestly? Id like to know why

[d] I’m sorry.

[i] Yeah you are

[d] It wasn’t my intention to hurt you.

[i] Yeah and it probably wasnt graces intention to imprison me in the immortal shell of a 16yo but ya know. Shit happens [i] We deal

[d] One silver lining to us breaking up. The age difference thing doesn’t come up.

[i] Bitch if we were still dating I would personally find u a new ratbag every god damn day to make sure u didnt look a day over 17 [i] Cuz thats creepy

[d] Fair.

(a day later)

[i] Ok..........sorry for saying “if we were still dating” [i] I just read a cosmo article that said Im not supposed to say that to an ex

[d] It’s fine. I know what you mean.

[i] Im not hitting you up to get back together [i] Ok?

[d] I know.

[i] Like.............itd be great if we could be friends [i] If we cant thats also cool [i] But hmu once in a while so I know youre not dead?

[d] And when the inevitable happens?

(Damian’s phone starts to ring. He looks at it. After three rings, he silences it, then waits until the ringing has stopped.)

[d] I didn’t mean it like that.

[i] Shit like this is why I worry about you

[d] Don’t you think it’d be easier on us both if you just lived with the idea that somewhere out there I might be dead?

[i] Why are you being mean to me lol

[d] I’m not trying to be mean.

[i] Did I fucking ask what you were trying to do Damian [i] I forgot its such a crime to care about someone you dedicated two years of your life to [i] A year ago you wanted me to marry you and now youre saying Fuck off and let me die [i] Like your own feelings aside thats just disrespectful to me [i] Anyway lol have I told you that this is your problem cuz it is [i] Its Damiantown 24/7 with you. I feel like that meme bitch from the brady bunch [i] “Damian Damian Damian”

(three hours later)

[d] Sure, Jan

[i] Oh my fucking god

[d] Sorry.

[i] What the fuck is wrong with you lol

[d] In my defense, that meme is extremely funny

[i] You dumb fucking idiot [i] I cant believe you just turned the one meme I EVER showed you against me

[d] You also sent me the article about the frog once

[i] Ya cuz I was afraid you were on reddit accidentally trading memes with nazis

[d] That’s just insensitive.

[i] I said accidentally didnt I? I was looking out for you in case your dad ever checked your search history [i] Not that he knows what the fuck an internet search history even is [i] But he’d be devastated 

[d] He actually would kill me, in that case

[i] (wooden stake emoji) [i] Not if I got to him first

(Damian spends a few minutes scrolling through his emojis)

[d] Where did you find that one?

[i] I downloaded a vampire pack [i] Without using an ip blocker or anything [i] Just to fuck with the nsa

(20 minutes later)

[i] Do you ever think about how we’re the irl x files

[d] Constantly. And I’ve never even seen The X-Files.

[i] Bitch I sent you the netflix link like 20 years ago

[d] I lost your login information.

[i] Ah yes [i] Just like how you [i] “Lost” [i] My number

[d] No, I just didn’t write it down

[i] I think its off netflix now anyway

(3 days pass)

[i] Oh i totally forgot [i] Did you take my jacket

[d] The one with the fur is my jacket

[i] Wtf I sent you the link!!!!!!!!!!!

[d] And I bought it because I liked it.

[i] Are you fucking kidding me

[d] I thank you for your impeccable taste in style.

[i] I let you take it cuz you liked wearing it [i] Tbh so disappointed you didnt take the other stuff you liked wearing [i] Toxic masculinity Damian

[d] Could we avoid any potential taunting please.

[i] Im not taunting [i] It looked good on you

[d] Great. Thanks

(an hour later)

[d] I actually don’t have the jacket anymore, you know.

[i] Did you leave it at home??????? Score [i] Ur dad likes me anyway so Im just gonna hit him up then  [i] Bye lol

[d] No. [d] I actually may have passed it along to someone else.

[i] OH????? What the fuck lol [i] Who