#peterbd

[austincharcoal]

peterbd finally dropped his mixtape!!! it's fuckin long!! i think the single should be 'i feel like johnathan franzen', that shit is a bop. i'm on here twice, saying 'life is a social construct' in bengali two different ways. there's a lot packed in to this tape. definitely jam w/ headphones. i'll put the link in my bio :) (at Bedford–Stuyvesant, Brooklyn) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsJ7ecllzri/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1mq07rf67inh9

[ccmpress]

Peterbd predicts how everyone involved with 40 LIKELY TO DIE BEFORE 40 will die (before they turn 40).

Click to read the predictions

We're coping.

[altlitgossip]

The Daily Dot has a great article about Peterbd & alt lit, check it out

[themason]

lol: Jamie Taete's last paragraph

"I have very little patience for "alt-lit", and when it exists on the internet, where anyone can write about whatever they want for however many words they want, it's pretty much my worst nightmare."

[iamaltlit]

100.0 :: "i am" by peterbd

"i am" by peterbd // nap lit mag, 2012

100.0

I AM THE GREAT I AM.

[nic-rad]

From the mysterious Peterbd

Anonymous poet peterbd emailed me a poem. I'm charmed and feel like I've really arrived on the alt/lit scene. Not as a writer but as a kind of gadfly. That is not an accomplishment so much as a circumstance. But I'll take it. 

What I like about peterbd is that he's writing these mini odes which are personalized, clever, targeted, playing with formal tropes in a casual way- reaching out of that bleak cloud of anonymity to remind a stranger that they exist beyond whatever limitations or failures confine their day to day. It's a nice thing when "the internet" opens a worm hole for creative play. 

I like that spirit of creating a lot. It moves me. Thanks peterbd. Keep on. 

From: peterbd <peterbd99@gmail.com>

Subject: true story

Date: June 24, 2012 3:29:33 PM EDT

once upon a time there was a dude name rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn he was the most famous artist in the whole wide world  even jay z wanted him to create his album cover  rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn was everywhere  commercials  billboards  twiiter hashtags  he was definitely, without a doubt, the most famous artist in the whole wide world then one day, while rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn was having an autograph signing, someone screamed that he was overrated  'you're overrated' screamed the voice from the crowd 'you're nowhere near as good as nic rad' 'he's the baddest artist in all the land' the crowd did a deep gasp in unison. no one had ever talked to rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn like this  not even donald trump  'who is this nic rad?' rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn said to one of his minions  'bring me some of his art immediately. i must see who my competition is' it was starting to become obvious to everyone that rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn was unchill  it took some time but rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn finally got his paws on nic rad's art upon seeing it for the first time, he sighed very loudly 'i'm sighing very loudly' he said. 'this piece of art is the most beautiful thing i have ever witnessed in all of my life as a genius' 'i have never been as jealous as i am in this instance' 'i must talk to nic rad on the phone immediately' it took some time, but rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn finally found nic rad's cell phone number  he dialed it cautiously  'hello' he said. 'this is rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn. i assume you have heard of me' 'i haven't' said nic rad  'lol, you're quite the comedian mister rad. anyway, i was just calling to ask if you wanted to collaborate with me on a project' 'being that i am the greatest artist to ever live, you should be quite honored that i would consider you for this. i had many other  prospects in line. i even considered damien hirst lol' 'no' said nic rad. he then hung up  rembrandt harmenszoon van rijn couldn't believe this. he was given the cold shoulder by who was probably the greatest artist ever. he felt like complete shit  he decided that he would never paint again and banished himself into exile  he was never heard from again  some say they have spotted him in brooklyn but this has not been verified  nic rad continues to not be a fame whore, while being an innovative artist as well as a chill human being he makes damien hirst's work look foolish the end.

[peterbd]

Thu, Jul 28, 2011 at 12:26 AM

steve roggenbuck. where do i begin. steve is a polarizing figure in this online world i stumbled upon. steve misspells things on purpse. steve makes videos. steve 'lives his lief'. steve is obsessed with justin bieber. why justin bieber steve? why not justin timberlake? or somebody else named justin.  i remember hearing about steve roggenbuck before i started emailing. somebody i knew wrote about him and i decided to read some of download helvectica for free. i remember not being to into it at the time. i wasn't on the internet much back then and probably couldn't get into it like how i'd liked. i even followed him on twitter back when i tweeted as my real self. this particular internet world feels like it's changed alot since then. felt like this was years ago  months later, when i began intensely emailing people, steve's name came up again. i emailed him in my first week of sending emails. this is what i sent him and his reply: steve, steve, steve, steve. there's so many things about you that are fucking bothering me. don't worry, it's nothing serious. just some things i must get off my chest. i mean no disrespect. i read your poetry and it makes no sense to me. what the fuck is flarf anyway?  downloaded your pdf and tried hard to understand. honest. i even pretended to like it. but now this pretending to understand you thing is wearing on my soul. this has nothing to do with you sensei roggenbuck. it's just due to my ignorance. i'm not used to this type of poetry. it's not wrapped in a big plastic bow for me to comprehend.  maybe i should try to read between the lines and stop judging so harshly.  your shit is probably pretty good. i'm just unemployed and in a shitty mood.  maybe you don't even fucking bother me. maybe i just don't understand what i'm doing. maybe i'm just projecting crap onto you. u seem like a pretty good dude. chill, as you quasi hipsters say. do you listen to beyonce? i'm listening to her online reminiscing on my college dorm days.  but keep pushing foward mister roggenbuck. i will read that pdf in the morning after i fill out these job applications. search for some truth. wallow in my mom's house while i watch ishbu on all that hooky-doo. i feel much better now. my chest less heavy. hooray for earth is a great band. you should listen to them. their album is great. but your a hipster so anything current you most definitely hate. steve's reply: Haha Peter Thank you for trying to understand my poetry/stuff. Most of the time I'm just kind of joking around. If you watch my videos, you might get more of a feel for my tone, and that might help you "get" the other stuff? If u haven't seen my videos: http://livemylief.com/tagged/video If it doesnt ever click for u, thank you for giving me a chance anyway.  I don't listen to a lot of beyonce but I'm not opposed to it  Good luck getting jobs bro :)  damn. i feel like i sounded like a condescending asshole in my email. wtf was i talking about? i really don't know. steve was really cool in his reply which is part of his boosting lifestyle. steve roggenbuck is all about boosting people and that's one of the facets of his brand. i remember last year people asked me if i was steve roggenbuck or wanted to know if i could give them advice on how to become 'the next steve roggenbuck.' it was then when i realized that people really look to steve roggenbuck as a kind of leader in a variety of ways steve is still polarizing though. some people love him and some people not so much. some people are inspired by what he does and some people are less than enthused. man, who gives a fuck what these people say about steve roggenbuck. he creates inspirational videos. inspirational ass videos that inspire the hell out of me and countless others.  i remember when i was feeling down one day. i was feeling bad about shit and needed to be uplifted in some way. on this particular day, i didn't think i would get out of this melancholy i was feeling. then i watched this videohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C50fBAowZOA&feature=plcp who wouldn't feel better after watching that shit? it just makes you feel good on the inside. it makes you want to get creative and give the middle finger to your melancholy. this video is the definition of the boost. this video was well produced. this video gives you hope when hope is nowhere to be found. that's a special gift that steve has. this was the first video i watched that made me appreciate steve muthafucin roggenbuck. before this video, i didn't quite get why he talked about boosting, and lil b, and why he  misspelled his words and why watching 'never say never' a copious amount of times was his thing. after viewing this video none of that shit mattered. i don't have to 'get' steve roggenbuck completely. i don't have to like everything he does. that's not what he's going for. he just wants a reaction from you even if it may be a confused reaction. just wants you to feel something. well thanks for creating those videos steve. i hope they get millions of views. thanks for doing you. thanks for being nice to all the assholes. thanks for being a nice guy in general. it's part of your appeal who knows where he'll end up. who knows what he'll do next. all i know is he's gonna continue to do what he does the way he does it. whether people get it or not  keep living that lief steve roggenbuck

[mbt]

peter bd says i am his god and emailed me this.

mbt should be your god

---------------------- mbt is a giving god mbt is a willing god mbt is a strong god mbt is not a paranoid schizophrenic god (can't really vouch for this one though) mbt is a fun god mbt is a tidy god mbt is an empathetic god mbt is the type of god who'd roll you a fat one can't get more empathetic than that mbt is an honest god mbt is a mysterious god mbt is a stylish god mbt is a slightly crazy god which is important because everybody knows that slightly crazy muhfucas are the best to hang with mbt is not a standoffish type god mbt is not a 'match his shoes with his socks' type god mbt is not an 'even if you did not commit murder, you are still an accessory to murder so i'm calling the cops' type god this god aint no snitch this god aint no sellout this god aint lame you guys this god is a very funny god this god is the kind of god you'd feel save to watch your kids this god is the kind of god you'd feel save banging your daughter who is over 21 mbt is a god an awesome god the supreme god the god of all gods he's the kind of god that would forgive you for your sins via gchat jesus christ aint never forgave my sins via gchat see, mbt should be your god. amen 

-----------------------------------

it's kind of weird how accurate an anonymous internet presence can be about  everything. 

[neatomosquitoshow]

How To Be An 80-Something Who Acts Like a 20-Something

Relieve your terminal illness by smoking weed or doing some other drug the kids are doing

Live in a nursing home, but still dress like you’re 60 years younger

Work through your osteoporosis by getting blackout drunk at least 5 days out of the week

Troll internet comments sections while taking your blood pressure meds

Have unprotected sex (old people don’t get STDs)

Eat your feelings but don’t go overboard because you have high cholesterol

Post pictures of your nursing home food on Instagram

Fuck your geriatrician and regret none of it

Hate everyone

Escape from your nursing home for a weekend and attend the Pitchfork Music Festival

Submit a piece to Thought Catalog titled ‘Lena Dunham Is Not A Feminist’

Feel like you’re not living your 80s to their fullest potential

_

PeterBD

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/how-to-be-an-80-something-who-acts-like-a-20-something/

[nic-rad]

Peter BD strikes again

From: peterbd <peterbd99@gmail.com>

Subject: nic is rad part I of III

Date: October 26, 2012 3:05:08 AM EDT

To: Nic Rad <nic@nic-rad.com>

nic is rad  his reign will never end  he is what's now  he is an innovator  he is a trendsetter  he is our artistic best friend  that's right, he's an artist  this is part of what makes him rad  you see  nic works very hard at being an artist he didn't just become rad overnight  this took years of discipline  years of perfecting his skills years of not giving up on his dreams  years of not uttering words like 'can't'  he's basically the only artist worth talking about  just ask rembrandt  hey dude you can be rad if you want too just study the ways of nic and you should be set hey girl  you probably want to date nic  he's the guy that you've been dying to get  nic is our man  if he can't do it  no other motherfucker can  guess you could say he's at the top of his game  fought his way through adversity  crescendoed  and yes  he has reached the top  but he has much more to offer  lots more art for us to devour  his art empowers  it makes us aspire to be greater at what we do  it makes us believe in ourselves  and anybody who doesn't agree that nic is rad will most likely burn in hell  

[unspecializeart-blog-blog]

End All the Rumors: It's Official: Peterbd Is Real

I can't keep these a secret anymore. Here's all the gory wonderful details. Here's the true story of how I learned to sing and dance: maeve in three parts The Preamble to the Maeve we the simpletons of the country that's losing ground to china, in order to form a more perfect maeve, establish praise, insure all of maeve's bills are paid, provide for his physical needs, this includes strippers and a large bag of weed and secure that his bank account is blessed with cold hard cash, do ordain and bow down to maeve our savior for the future united states of china Pledge of Maeveness i pledge allegiance to the greek god that is maeve deswaynyo, and to the haters for giving him shine, one nation under maeve, he's indestructible, with funny jokes and warm welcomes for all Someone Like Maeve never ever, you'll find someone maeve he's a legend and in person he's quite tall don't neglect him, i beg cause i remember he said, when people piss me off in life, i use my pimphand instead when people piss me off in life, i use my pimphand instead you have a license to do whatever the fuck you want. here's your 'do whatever the fuck i want schedule' for 11/16-11/22 Wednesday do whatever the fuck you want because it is hump day Thursday do whatever the fuck you want because it is almost friday and it is your right to have some motherfucking fun before friday Friday you've had a long, exhausting week. it is time to do whatever the fuck you want to make up for the days when you were doing whatever the fuck you want to a lesser degree due to weekly stresses Saturday it's saturday! time to get wasted, do whatever the fuck you want and get even more wasted while fucking shit up cause you have a license to do whatever the fuck you want Sunday day of rest Monday 'tis the start of a new week which means you have to begin your 'do whatever the fuck i want' duties with a bang Tuesday do whatever the fuck you want cause it's almost hump day which is before thursday which precedes friday which means it's practically almost the fucking weekend so doing whatever the fuck you want is uber important on tues. god wouldn't want it any other way captain moses. i'm so sure of it

[peterbd]

I wonder what russ is doing

it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably watching home alone or home alone 2 or the nightmare before christmas or maybe he's refusing to watch christmas movies all together it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably pretending to be santa claus and is delivering presents to strangers it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably hanging out with jeannette or his family or jeannette and his family or jeannette and her family it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably smoking a cigarette and avoiding conversations with people who annoy him it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably saying something endearing to the email party it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably staring at his reflection because humans like doing that it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ probably went to bed early and is dreaming about being best friends with samuel l jackson it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably listening to e-40 and eating something that tastes good it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably writing something about dogs or fire or something it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably taking care of a friend who is drunk it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably touching his hair and thinking about how his hair is the shit it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably wrapping a gift or refusing to wrap a gift it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably reading this on christmas eve or maybe christmas even it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably freaking out or not freaking out or being peaceful or not being peaceful or hating a person but probably comforting a person it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably wearing a sweater that is not only stylish but provides him with great warmth it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably talking to himself about something important it's christmas eve, i wonder what russ is doing russ is probably wearing socks that feel good on his feet

[iamnotaltlit]

a peterbd email exchange w/ i am alt lit

7/8/12

Inbox

peterbd 

Jul 9

to me

you are 'i am alt lit' you are a site that reviews 'alt lit' creations you are 'run' by an unknown 'entity' you 'think' my 'ebook' was 'alt lit' you 'showcase 'alt lit' 'writers' 'some' of these 'writers' included the following 'ofelia hunt' 'ryan ridge' 'jonathen franzen' 'matthew savoca' 'etc' etc. you 'rate' everything that you 'review' how this 'rating' 'system' works, idk is 'i am alt lit' 'a subdivision of  'pitchfork' os? idk if my 'ebook' got a 'zero' i think i'd still feel the same 'way' about 'i am alt lit' which is 'unsure' 'numbers' are just 'numbers' in the larger 'scope' of things you 'came' 'out' 'of' 'nowhere' 'no' 'one' 'knows' 'who' specifically' 'created' 'i am alt lit' numerous 'people' have 'asked' me if i run 'i am alt lit' i 'say' no they don't 'believe' me i think 'buttercup mcgillicuddy' 'runs' 'i am alt lit' that's my 'story' and i'm 'sticking' to it i may be 'wrong' though but probably 'not' 'anyway' 'thanks' for 'enjoying' my 'ebook' and 'getting' the word out 'about' other people's 'work' it's always a 'good' thing when 'people' are inspired to 'read' as well as get 'creative' that's what the 'internet' is all 'about' imo i'm 'going' to 'ask' you 'a' 'question' now what's up with all the quotes?

//

i.am.alt.lit

Jul

to peterbd

seems like this is an email from 'peterbd'

you are a person that writes 'ebooks' that i can 'review'

you are a person that 'sends' emails & 'such' to other ppl

you are 'run' by an unknown 'entity'

how this 'rating' 'system' works, idk

speaking of

#'s are only #'s

except when they stand for 'something'

seems that if 'i am alt lit' was a 'subsidiary' of pitchfork

'i am alt lit' would be 'rolling in it' or something

from everything i can 'tell'

'i am alt lit' is not rolling in 'it'

only in #quickshit

seems like we should all 'flashmob' a jonathan franzen 'reading' 

and ask him about 'alt lit'

seems like it would make a better 'video' than this

no one knows 'who you are'

seems like you came out of 'nowhere'

what is peterbd? 

is it perturbed?

is it peter b.d.?

i am glad i came out of 'nowhere'

it was dark back 'there'

seems odd that 'nowhere' has

finally become

'somewhere'

'i am alt lit' is run 

by the 'boost'

by the 'illuminati'

by the 'girl gangz'

by the 'pop serials'

by the 'beach sloths'

by the 'whales' and 'habitats'

by the 'sad dads' and 'seahorses'

by the html 'little people'

by 'many others'

i am going to ask you a 'question' now

why do you want to know about the 'quotes'?

are you scared of them?

thankks

//

peterbd

Jul 9

to me

not scared, just want to know why they're used so much

//

i.am.alt.lit

Jul 9

an 'extreme' way of 'looking' at the world

//

peterbd

Jul 10

fair enough

[whitehotvelvet]

peterbd sent me an email <3

lent is allegedly the christian period where you give up stuff until easter or something. if you believe this as truth,  you are not only mistakenbut also a bad christian. lent is actually the period before easter where we observe and honor the queen of lent. megan lent to be exact. since megan lent has already began, here is what you must do from the 5th of march to holy thursday in order to remain a true and faithful christian. 

god bless you

 MARCH5- pray to your statue of megan lent for five hours

 6- bake megan lent a peach cobbler from scratch and deliver it to her on foot

 7- pretend you are megan lent today and don't fall out of character   

8- if you fell out of character, give yourself eight lashes. if you did not fall out of character, write megan lent a kind letter

 9- create megan lent bumper stickers and stick them on every car you see 

10- admire megan lent's artistic sensibilities 

11- burn every publication that doesn't sing the praises of megan lent 

12- a day of rest 

13- lol, if you actually rested then give yourself 13 lashes. if you didn't rest, reward yourself with some leftover peach cobbler that megan lent didn't finish 

14- you most likely did one of the things in thirteen or fourteen. bad move motherfuckers. pray for fourteen hrs. straight begging megan lent for forgiveness 

15- paypal megan lent 150 bucks because she deserves it 

16- buy megan lent her favorite animal and deliver it to her on foot because she deserves it

17- send megan lent a dozen roses because she deserves it 

18- tell everyone, within earshot of you, that megan lent deserves everything and you deserve nothing 

19- hold your breath as long as you can with an image of megan lent in your head

 20- bust the car windows of anyone who has hurt megan lent 

21- tell megan lent how cute and cuddly she is. should be a crime how cuddly as well as super freaking cute megan lent is

22- make megan lent her favorite dish

 23- meditate while chanting "megan lent is gangsta" for twenty-three minutes every hour until you sleep 

24- take pictures of yourself doing something megan lent related 

25- send megan lent these pictures so she knew you took them

 26- delete all of megan lent's spam emails before she gets home. megan lent don't fuck with spam emails

27- shed a tear in honor of megan lents swag 

28- get megan lent an interview with oprah. do this on this specific day or you must commit suicide 29- if the suicide did not work, punch yourself in the face

29 times. if you didn't have to commit suicide, bake delicious goods for megan lent. if the suicide worked, r.i.p

 30- write the greatest song of all time and tell everyone megan lent wrote it

 31- donate the royalties that you made from the greatest song of all time to megan lent

 APRIL 1- make all of megan lent's enemies disappear

 2- give megan lent a coupon to her favorite spa 

3- pray that megan lent had a nice day at the spa for three hours, every hour until the sun goes down

 4- buy megan lent either a house or a sex slave while praying that she enjoyed her spa stay

 5- if megan enjoyed her spa stay, congratulations, you have survived lent and should be proud of your sacrifices.if megan lent didn't enjoy her spa day, you can either commit suicide or relinquish everything you have to megan lent. this is fair.