#please I’m begging you acknowledge Clyde

[methinmycoffee]

Okay, to elaborate on my shocking hot take from last night, here’s a few things I didn’t like about the new episode (Japanese Toilets)

But First, Some positives:

It was decently funny, not perfect, but I laughed a few times. When it wasn’t relying on poop jokes I thought the episode was decently entertaining. The ending, where Randy stops Stan from continuing the fight against toilet paper by just going “I got fucking shot, Stan” was the best part.

I guess it wasn’t the worst possible Randy episode. There have been better, sure, but he was okay in this one. Still practically insufferable, but okay.

And finally, I thought that Randy comparing himself and his family to the Kennedy family was pretty funny too. Good foreshadowing, I guess? I jokingly texted my friend “Randy’s gonna get shot this episode” the first time he said John F Kennedy’s name, and then he did.

And now, the negatives:

Too many shit jokes. This episode is like 1/4 people using the toilet. I literally don’t care that you can take a fat dump on the toilet and enjoy it, please stop making me listen to Stephen Stotch use the bathroom. This episode could have fit a real B plot if they cut all those scenes, which leads me to my next point:

There was no real B-plot, which is fine, except they set up a real B-plot with the whole “Stan gets called rich by kids at school” couple scenes, and then it went nowhere. They also could have cut the scene where the proctologist shoots himself in the ass, and then you’ve got enough time to do at least something.

It felt like it wasn’t well paced. Like, everything was moving super duper fast, from scene to scene, each moment serving to only set up the next, which is perfectly acceptable, except then we took a two minute break from that pace to listen to Randy use a toilet.

Also some random nitpicks:

(Also negatives, but much stupider)

I think that one random blonde character was voiced by the incomparable Betty Boogie Parker, which is totally cool, except why not have that character just be Heather Williams? I am starving for pre-existing characters to have lines, I got really excited when Clyde spoke.

They retconned Randy some hemorrhoids, which was kind of necessary for whatever they were doing with him, but he didn’t have those before

And finally: I think this should have had a little more Clyde in it. Just switching Clyde out for Jimmy would have worked well, and I cannot believe Clyde’s only line in an episode was about toilets was just to call Stan rich. All I’m asking is that you imply that toilet paper companies killed Betsy Donovan in order to silence Clyde, is that really that much to ask? Maybe not even that, but give him something considering the other toilet episode he was in actually killed his mother. I don’t think he needs to be in every episode, but he would have fit this one so perfectly it’s ridiculous that they didn’t use him.

Overall:

This episode isn’t the very worst episode of the show, but it was very modern South Park, which means that it was an unnecessarily stupid Randy episode that didn’t add anything to his character or the show. If you enjoyed it, that’s fine, but it’s really not my favorite.

[desiraypark]

Too Much

Clyde x Sherri (Non-Linear Series)

Content: Clyde has a not-so-good day at work and just wants to love on his wife. Freaky-fluff. Praise. Gets a little rough later. Unprotected sex. Aftercare. 

I jumped straight to the freaky lol

Image Description: Generated text message from “Sherri’s iPhone”. Clyde is saved under “Honeybunch”. Clyde texts Sherri: “I should be home in about twenty minutes, Babygirl.”  Sherri responds: “Okay, honey.” Then, Clyde comes back with “I want you naked and spread open on the couch when I get there.” Sherri sends a shocked face emoji then contests with “I’m cooking dinner!” Clyde: “Turn off the stove and get naked.” Sherri asks, “Can I at least shower first?” Finally, Clyde says, “You can do whatever you want. But you better be on the sofa when I open the door.”

[End description]

____________________

Sherri turned off every burner, moved every pot and pan, and dashed upstairs to the bathroom. She hopped in the shower, scrubbed herself like Lunette the Clown, and hopped back out. She almost put on some lingerie but Clyde said “naked” and he seemed like he meant business. So, off to the sofa she went--naked as a jaybird, smelling of her Palmer’s cocoa butter lotion and the honeysuckle fragrance that Clyde loved so much. At exactly 6:04, Clyde walked through the door without acknowledging her. He just took off his jacket, hung it up, and walked to the sofa.

“Open ‘em up,” he said. Sherri opened her legs as Clyde fell to his knees and ran his tongue up her clit. He hummed at the taste and Sherri ran her fingers through his hair.

“Had a long day today,” he said. Suuuuuuck.

“Mmph!” Sherri moaned, gripping Clyde’s hair. “You wanna talk about it?”

He closed his eyes and licked patterns up, down, around, and across her pretty flesh. “This is me talkin’ about it.”

Clyde licked and sucked his pretty lil’ flower...excruciatingly slow if you asked Sherri. He added no fingers and only changed the pace slightly. Sherri started gyrating her hips against his mouth, but he held her legs by the backs of her knees.

“Be patient, Babygirl…”

“Why are you going so slow?” Sherri asked, voice pleading.

“Wanna savor you,” he said. He gave her clit another long suck. “Wanna enjoy my meal.”

Kiss. Lick. Suck.

Eventually, Clyde picked up the pace--lapping up Sherri’s juices, catching the honey that drizzled onto the folds of her labia. Then, he leaned back to get a good look at his work--her glistening clit throbbed for him. Her inner folds had pushed her outer lips back, begging for more--begging to be seen by Clyde’s hungry eyes. He let go of her left leg and rubbed her pussy with his opened palm. His eyes met Sherri’s--black pupils having made her dark brown irises disappear.

“Love comin’ home to you,” he said. Suddenly, Sherri felt a finger being buried inside of her. Her eyes clamped shut and she threw her head back as he moved it in and out. “Look at me.”

Sherri opened her eyes just as Clyde inserted another finger. Her bottom lip fell and her eyes narrowed--the lust in his eyes just too much. Her nipples began to harden.

“Love comin’ home to that pretty face. Your cookin’. Love your hips and your ass and your legs bein’ the first thing I see when I walk in the kitchen. Then you turn around to flash that pretty smile at me…”

Sherri wanted to close her eyes again. Too much! It was all too much.

“Love the way your pussy sucks me in like it don’t want me to leave. My fingers. My dick…”

“Fuck,” Sherri whimpered. She involuntarily clenched around his fingers.

“Love when it gets to talkin’ to me,” he added. He pulled his fingers out, then dipped them back in, making a squelching sound.

Sherri whined and clenched again, her “other” hole squeezing around nothing. Clyde smiled.

“I like it when that happens, too,” he said. “When I make you so weak and needy that your lil’ asshole starts beggin’ for some attention, too.”

“Clyde!” Sherri shouted. He looked up at her. “Fuck me, please!”

He looked back down at her pussy and continued fingering her. No reaction. No change in facial expression. 

“I’m too pent up, Babygirl,” he finally said. “I wanna enjoy you. Don’t wanna hurt you.”

Sherri grabbed Clyde’s hair again and gripped it. “I don’t give a fuck. Give me some dick.” ____________________

With his bionic fingers pressing into her waist and a fist full of her coils, Clyde fucked Sherri into the chaise of their sectional. He was behind her as her palms and knees pressed into the cushion--her feet dangling off the side of the sofa. Obscene squelching and slapping sounds echoed throughout the living room--fighting to drown out Clyde’s grunts and groans, and Sherri’s moans and whimpers. Clyde moaned every time Sherri squeezed his length--and every twitch of his dick made her grip the fabric beneath her fingers.

“Fuck...where do you want it Babygirl?” he asked.

“You know where,” Sherri mumbled. “In me...all in me...”

Clyde let go of her hair, held on to her hips with both hands, and slowed his thrusts. He pushed in and dragged out...once more, twice more, and on the third drag away from her warmth, he filled her up with a warmth of his own. When he pulled out, some of it started to drip out of her, but he released her right hip and stuffed it back in. Then, he let go of both of her hips and watched her fall forward. Her shoulders moved up and down as she caught her breath, and her thighs shook. 

Clyde grabbed his pants and boxers and left Sherri on the sofa. She didn’t even care. She was too busy trying to piece together this moment. Finally, Sherri got up and walked to the stairs. As she stepped on the landing and looked up, Clyde’s foot landed on the first step. He was dressed in fresh sweatpants and a T-shirt and carrying a stack of clothing.

“Gon’ in the bathroom down there,” he said.

Sherri did as Clyde commanded, and decided to relieve herself, as well. Clyde came in, placed the stack of clothing on the edge of the sink, and grabbed two washcloths that were on top of it all. He ran the hot water, wet the washcloths, and wiped Sherri’s sweaty face with one. Then, they switched. Sherri went to the sink to wash her hands, and Clyde sat on the toilet. When she dried her hands, Clyde summoned her to him.

Sherri stood in front of him and Clyde wiped her lower body--over her thighs and between them. He motioned for her to turn around, and wiped over all areas of her ass. Of course, he couldn’t resist planting a kiss on her striped right cheek. He tossed the cloth onto the sink with the other, then grabbed a pair of her underwear from the stack--just some regular cotton briefs. She took them and held on to his shoulders as she pulled them on. Then, he helped her into her sweatpants and a T-shirt. He kissed her lips, and directed her to the living room.

Sherri sat on the sofa as Clyde took the washcloths upstairs to the hamper. Then, he came back downstairs.

“What were you cooking?” he asked.

“Grilled chicken breast, asparagus...” she had to let her brain defog some more. “...and red potatoes.” 

Clyde nodded and went into the kitchen. Then, Sherri turned on the television. She heard Clyde moving the pots and pans around, then heard his feet ascend on her again. He kissed the side of her forehead.

“Love you.” “Love you more,” Sherri responded. Then, he went back into the kitchen and finished cooking dinner. ____________________ TAG LIST @aloneandsleepless​​ @direnightshade​​ @finn-ray-nal-beads​​ @a-true-janian-reply​​ @thegreenmatt​​ @sister-winter73​​ @loewsy55​​​ @mariesackler​​​ @clydes-hole​​​ @sydneyssmut​​​ @kirah36​​ @lovelyyandtired​ @morby​ @tsarinastorm​ If you want to be tagged in future Clyde x Sherri posts, comment below! Also, visit my Tag List request post to see if you’d be interested in being tagged in other works!

[ninawritesastory]

How do you think the rest of Those Guys feel about Craig's attachment to Tweek? The gang hasn't been hanging out much and I hope that's rectified soon.

I can see them being severely weirded out at first. Their friend, who’s idea of  affection can be usually boiled down to “I would sell you to Satan for one corn chip, but no one else is allowed to”, is losing his fucking mind over the weirdest kid in school. But at the same time, they were present for the whole yaoi art fiasco, and I can guarantee you that Craig was extremely vocal in asserting his non-homosexual identity until his dad told him it was okay. And they were also likely present for a handful of Craig’s less certain moments.

Jimmy would probably be the first one to shrug and go with it. He strikes me as a very accepting guy and once he got acclimated to the fact that Craig has it bad for Tweek, he’d continue on as if nothing much has changed. He’s the one we typically see acknowledging the relationship first, and teasing Craig in a good-natured sort of way. Jimmy wouldn’t feel at all threatened by Craig’s relationship and attachment to Tweek. He probably has some understanding of how Craig ticks, and realizes that Craig’s extreme attachment has roots in how he deals with emotion.

Clyde might feel the most threatened. He’s been Craig’s best friend since they were in diapers, and there’s something unsettling about Craig suddenly being attached at the hip to a kid who downs coffee like its water and is known for his weird outbursts and inability to sit quietly for the entire length of a lesson. He’s not completely ignorant of Tweek as a person—he’s hung out with Craig and those guys on occasion—but it’s gone from occasionally hanging out to if Craig’s there, Tweek’s there. Clyde would view it as his best friend replacing him, and would probably lash out a bit until Jimmy yanked his head out of his ass. And once Clyde sees just how happy Tweek makes Craig, he’ll be all for it. Plus I can see Clyde and Tweek having similar tastes in vines.

Token wouldn’t be threatened so much as weirded out. Kind of like how Stan was, actually. I can see him side-eyeing Craig and Tweek like he’s half sure it’s a joke but can’t figure out what the punchline is supposed to be. But for the most part, he’d carry on as normal. I could see him getting irritated with Tweek at first, but eventually acclimating to the blond’s presence. After a few weeks, they start developing their own friendship and Token finds out that Tweek actually has a lot of informed opinions—his problem is that his emotions are usually on over-drive and he lives in an environment that regularly aggravates his anxiety.

And yeah, they haven’t been shown hanging out that much recently, have they? I’ve seen them with Clyde on occasion in the background (usually with Clyde shoved in between them), but aside from that, there hasn’t been much Craig and Those Guys interaction.

…We need some.

At least one episode.

Please, Matt and Trey, I’m begging.