#plus my landlord seemed pretty desperate to keep me last year after the last '''making too much money'' scare so she might be lenient???

[toxooz]

aight im gunna draw that short Cowboy AU comic snippet that has been sitting in my brain like a moldy piece of bread for 5 months straight then I'll probably start the next section of the Actual Comic™

[sparrowwritings]

How Shy met Ver Day 1 -- Wonderful

Next Chapter

“Oh this is beautiful.” Shiloh muttered as she gently picked up the object that had gained her attention.

She really only had meant to browse the judaica shop. Finding a place that sold Jewish items such as menorahs and head coverings, much less one that sold pretty ones was rare. It was practically her duty to look at the selection every time she encountered such a place. Shiloh had explained as such to her golem, Elliot, and he’d given her his equivalent of a sour look as wandered inside. 

Just because she had a bad habit of buying things she didn’t need didn’t mean he had to be so grumpy about it.

This time, though, Shiloh had found something perfect for someone else. To the non-Jewish person, the item in her hands looked like a metal rod that had one rounded end attached to a chain, while the other end had the mold of a right hand with its index finger extended. To someone Jewish, what she held was a yad--a pointer tool usually used for reading the Torah without touching the sacred parchment--and a fancy one at that. The yad was bronze in color, with glittering orange beads (or perhaps rhinestones) spiraling from where the ‘wrist’ of the hand would be to the top of the bulb that held the chain. 

She shifted her right hand to grasp hold of it more properly--using her right hand to model the one that sat at the end of the yad, keeping her own index finger on the body of the tool. It was a little big for her taste, but the person in Shiloh’s mind would love how it would fit into their bigger hands. Plus, she totally slipped in getting them a birthday present so finding something this nice would totally get them to stop bugging her about it. For a little bit, at least.

Her excitement lasted until she got a good look at the little paper price tag attached to the yad’s chain. She winced reflexively. “Of course something this perfect had a catch.” She muttered. Some quick mental math told Shiloh that spending that amount of money would put her in serious danger of not being able to cover rent. It wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but the landlord was getting really tired of late payments. 

With the heaviest sigh she could muster, Shiloh set the yad back down among the others in the display. She stuffed her hands in her hoodie pockets as she made her way to the exit. Maybe I could win the lottery, she thought. Or sell some spells online. Plenty of other people make good money that way, right…?

It wasn’t until Elliot had grabbed her shoulder and pulled her roughly back that Shiloh realized that she’d nearly walked right into traffic while distracted. “Thanks, El.” She muttered. It was more of a reflex than a genuine statement. Hiking her shoulders further up, she continued walking down the street. Her golem followed dutifully. 

“Perhaps you should consider taking up Catalpa’s offer of a smaller apartment.” Elliot suggested after a couple of minutes of silence. His monotone could be plainly heard despite the ongoing traffic noises. “I do not require an entire room to rest, and you have not been able to acquire enough furniture for the office you stated you wanted. He is certain to be willing to help with the process of moving.” There was no inflection to suggest such a thing, but the words indicated a level of concern for Shiloh’s well being. As usual, it was hard to tell if the care was out of his own volition, or if it was a subset of his role as a golem. Not that it really mattered to master and creation.

She sighed and ran a hand down the side of her face. “Except that I’d get too crowded in a one bedroom. Sure it’d help with my funds for a bit, but then what? Do I move out of there in a couple of years, only to find that I can’t pay again? I can’t do the moving dance forever you know.” 

“Your mother and father--” Shiloh held up a hand behind her, stopping the statement before it could go any further.

“Not an option. I love them, I really do, but I’ve gotta be able to handle things on my own.” Her phone vibrated and she fished it out from her back pocket. “And the one person I’d want to room with travels too much for me to be comfortable signing a lease with them. Unless a miracle happens, I’m just shit out of luck, El.” 

Her brow furrowed as she looked at the notification on her screen. It was a text from a number she didn’t recognize. Against her better judgement, she tapped the message and unlocked her phone. It read: “Hey, saw your ad for roommate? I don’t drink or do drugs and I don’t have a criminal record. I also keep to myself, so you don’t have to clean up after me. Can meet up at 11am Sunday to do face-to-face. Place of your choice. That good for you?”

Shiloh stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Elliot stopped right behind her, which startled the person that had been walking behind the two of them. A satyr went around the golem’s massive bulk and gave a sneer before continuing on their way. Shiloh didn’t notice because she was frantically trying to figure out why some stranger was texting her about an ad. Did she put one together and she just didn’t remember it? Did someone do it for her? If so, how did they get her number and why are they acting on her behalf?

Elliot stared down at the phone’s screen. “It seems that the poster that you and Tessa made while you were intoxicated several weeks ago has finally gotten someone’s attention.” His voice was still the same tone, but Shiloh could swear that she detected some wry humor in it. 

He was right, though: Tessa, her mermaid friend and neighbor had invited herself over for a New Year’s celebration--an excuse to get drunk without having to go to a party. She now could recall herself bemoaning her situation and Tessa providing a cold, damp shoulder to cry on. As if unraveling a sweater of memory, Shiloh now relived going from sobbing to putting together an advertisement to stumbling down to the lobby and tacking it up with the other requests from other residents. 

Just this morning, she had been wondering what idiot could’ve made such a poorly put together ad for a roommate. Her cheeks flushed as she realized that her number was indeed on the poster itself. She hadn’t recognized it at all.

Her phone buzzed again. “You can ignore this if you’ve already got the roommate thing taken care of,” Read the new message.

On the one hand, this person probably was okay. They were polite enough to let Shiloh control where to meet in person. They also didn’t blow up her phone as soon as they’d gotten hold of her number, which was nice. The fact that they didn’t wait for her to reply spoke of a quiet desperation to find a place too, which could help her out in the end.

On the other hand, this was a stranger. Asking Shiloh to meet up in person. To discuss living with her. On a Sunday.

She very nearly texted back to say that it wasn’t going to work out when a thought occurred to her. “Ari’s supposed to be in town on Sunday, right?” 

“Affirmative. They are returning from a business trip and should be available for you to visit before 11am.” 

“It’s like you can read my mind.” Shiloh grinned as she texted the person where to meet her.

Luck might finally be turning in her favor.

[porchwood]

Okay, here goes. The incredible @everlarkedalways created a GoFundMe to help me out through present circumstances, but before I share that link, I wanted to explain a bit of what’s been going on. I feel awful accepting financial help, in part because I’ve been such a dry well for the past 18 months (I have nothing creative to give back/say “thank you” with) and also because so many of you have previously contributed monies to help me through other crisis points over the past five years (yes, it’s been that long and no, it doesn’t seem to be getting any better). But things are maybe the most desperate they’ve ever been and I really can’t say no to badly needed help.

Because I’m long-winded, I’m going to try to condense this into a simple chronological order. Things have been relentlessly bad since my car accident on December 26, 2013, but this is where the current run really started: 

December 2017: The day after Christmas, I went to the ER at 3am with excruciating chest and upper back pain, a bad experience all around (terrible staff, indifferent care). Their best guess was that I’d had an acid reflux attack, something I’d never had before (but have had since, alas :/).

January 2018: The ER bill saga began, and after loads of paperwork/headaches applying for any kind of aid/bill forgiveness, they put me on a payment plan for the $1,343 balance (and yes, that was "after” insurance - Marketplace policies are crap and all they did was “adjust” the total; nothing was covered). Meanwhile, I started taking Lucky to an acupuncturist over an hour’s drive away, desperate to find something to ease her severe separation anxiety (nonstop barking and howling when I was gone, which we have been struggling to treat, with varying degrees of success, for over two years). The sessions were very expensive (around $400 for one month - I had to put them on a credit card that I’m still chipping away at) and actually made her WORSE.

February 2018: The downstairs neighbors left a mildly threatening note about Lucky’s howling - the day before my birthday. In a ridiculous twist of luck, I managed to find a great sitter who only takes little dogs and was (and still is) able to watch Lucky for me as needed, but it cost me $25/day. (At most I would use her two days a week, but you can see how quickly that would add up.) At the same time, I also started administering CBD drops (suggested by our new vet) to Lucks when I had to leave her at home.

July 2018: After increasing the dosage multiple times, I finally started seeing improvement in Lucky’s behavior from a combination of the CBD drops and SAMe, which was huge (note the timespan), but these therapies cost about $100 month. I resolved to make it work somehow.

September 2018: I found out that my workplace had been bought out by an area salon and would be changing hands soon. Shortly thereafter the new owner sent us the employee handbook, which stated that we could not have another job in the same field (many massage therapists in this part of the country work at multiple places as there simply isn’t enough work to go around, especially in the off-season). The new owner was originally okay with me keeping my second job (on-call work at a yoga studio), and then I learned that that position was switching from a subcontractor to an outright rental (I would have to pay up front for the use of the room and possibly make none of it back while having to promote myself as a business), so for several reasons I decided I would leave that second job at the end of October and try to pick up more hours at my “main” job. One bright spot in all this: the downstairs neighbors moved out at the end of the month, but...

October 2018: ...the day after the neighbors moved out, the landlord informed my roommate (a THG fandom friend and content creator) that the owner of our building had sold the property and that we had 30 days to vacate. I can’t even begin to articulate how stressful, expensive, frightening, and exhausting that time was. By the end of October our only real option was a little house approximately 10 miles from town, and miraculously we got ourselves moved out there - to the tune of lots of $$$ and insane energy expenditure.

November 2018: Because I now lived about 20 mins from work and I have to come home at lunchtime to take Lucky out (and give her a booster of anxiety drops), I had to switch to split shifts. If you’ve ever worked split shifts, you will understand why this sucks (you’re never home, you’re always tired, and you never see or spend time with the people you live with). My new boss put me on the schedule for two additional days a week (I initially had just two days a week, period, hence the second job), which initially seemed very promising, but neither myself nor the rest of the staff realized that the new management had an either/or policy when it comes to pay. (This is messy and frustrating to explain, but in a nutshell: instead of getting paid commission for massages and hourly for the rest of your clocked-in time - laundry, desk help, etc - you get paid ONLY commission, i.e., nothing for all the extra things you do, unless the commission divided by hours amounts to less than minimum wage, in which case they pay you minimum wage for the week instead, including for your massage hours. Which is not cool but is, apparently, legal.) So I was driving about an hour a day (20 mins each way, twice, to the tune of about 300 miles/week) just to make minimum wage (we were entering the dead season for massage and I’m the perpetual “second string” therapist anyway, so some weeks I had just four clients in four days :/), which was exhausting and disheartening.

December 2018: Daylight glimmered: my sister (with whom I am extremely close and who I hadn’t seen in a year and a half) flew out to see me after Christmas. A coworker agreed to cover the whole week and a half of her visit for me, and I was a little nervous about taking the time off (unpaid, of course) at such a rotten financial time, but I hadn’t had a vacation of any kind since moving to Maine nor a weekend off since August of 2017. I resolved to be extra frugal during her visit and my work schedule was going to be almost full after she left, so I was pretty sure I could squeak through somehow.

I saw her off on her return trip, and that night I was carrying some dishes down from our living room when I took a very bad fall down the stairs. These are awful, steep “Maine stairs,” and in my fall my left leg shot out through the open side of the staircase and wedged the knee against the bookcase in the dining room below. When I tried to get up I realized that something was very wrong with my knee, and my roommate helped me to bed with ice, a brace, ibuprofen, etc. The following morning I went to the hospital and was directed to the same stupid ER (the last place I ever wanted to go again, but they don’t have urgent care out here and wouldn’t let me just see a GP, so I broke down and cried in admissions). The care I received was middling, if not as bad as on my previous visit, and the nurse-practitioner ordered no weight-bearing for three days, which meant losing the rest of that (desperately needed) work week, and advised following up with orthopedics the next week if the knee wasn’t better.

My wonderful roommate made all kinds of accommodations for my comfort for those three days, and I implemented all the extra therapies I could think of (turmeric, arnica, l-glutamine, Epsom salt soaks, etc). I asked my employers about the possibility of picking up non-massage hours (covering the desk, laundry, etc) but was given the impression that there was nothing for me to do till I could return to massage again. I went to the orthopedic doctor last Thursday and his diagnosis was an MCL (least concerning of the knee ligaments) sprain or tear. I was already strides ahead on his self-care recommendations (getting myself off the crutches, constantly wearing a good brace) and he was supposed to refer me for some PT, but I haven’t heard a peep on that front, and I’m not particularly concerned because, Lord knows, my insurance probably wouldn’t pay for that anyway. He estimated 4 weeks to full recovery but I’m determined to get back to work before that.

So, here’s where we’re at: I’m out of work at the worst time of year, and at the very least, I’ll lose 2.5 weeks of pay (on top of the planned week I took off, plus Christmas and New Year’s were unpaid holidays). Because we live in Maine where everyone has beastly heating fuel, even in a decently insulated house (as I believe this one to be), it costs us around $350 a month to keep the place at 58 degrees through the winter months. (Yes, 58 degrees. 60 if we’re splurging.)

My credit cards are maxed out from car repairs and copious Lucky expenses (including an emergency vet visit - she ended up being fine but it was one of those things that happens after hours/over a weekend and you really shouldn’t wait several days to have checked out).

Oh, and just for fun, our January rent payment got lost in the mail. The landlord was very nice about it and we promptly sent out a replacement, but this meant paying $35 for a stop-payment on the missing check (did I mention that I had to buy checks, to the tune of almost $30, just for paying rent?).

Those of you who have already donated: you are quite literally keeping me going right now. You covered Lucky’s rabies booster yesterday and refills of her food and supplements (all of which, naturally, were running out at the same time), and Lucky is absolutely the reason I’m still alive, so her care honestly means more to me than my own.

I have no idea what my medical bills will look like at this point. I’m assuming the ER visit will be around $1000, and I’m sure the orthopedic visit will be up there somewhere too. As soon as bills start coming in I’ll apply for aid (or, likelier than not, a payment plan), but in order to do that they’re going to want my new tax returns, which means I’m going to have to get my taxes done (probably in Feb) just to find out what my ultimate medical expenses will be. (I used to do my own taxes cheaply through TaxAct, but I was a subcontractor for part of the year, which complicates things and means having to pay someone $$$ to do them this round. I may actually owe on my taxes this year, which is terrifying.)

The healing has been going well overall and I’m hoping to be able to go back to work next week, but I don’t want to assume my knee will oblige. To add insult to injury, I just got hammered with a terrible cold (the kind that levels you in bed), so my body is triaging itself and I’m not sure which is going to get the care first. Surprisingly enough, Lucky’s being a great little nurse, but recovery is a difficult and very lonely process, especially when you get saddled with illness on top of injury.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. I’ve been reluctant to talk about the miserable past year, but in light of the fact that I’m receiving (and, I guess, asking for :/ ) help, I thought you should know what’s been going on. Thanks for listening and blessings on your day. <3

[maddie-grove]

Bi-Monthly Reading Round-Up: March/April

PLAYLIST

“Hey, Little Songbird” from Hadestown (The Wager)

“New Slang” by the Shins (Spinners)

“Auto de Fé” from Candide (October Wind)

“Let’s Generalize about Men” from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (Mrs. Martin’s Incomparable Adventure)

“Juice” by Lizzo (Shrill)

“Love’s Been Good to Me” by Frank Sinatra (Sex and Violence)

“Heroes” by David Bowie (Cracker Jackson)

“Listen to Her Heart” by Tom Petty and the Hearbreakers (The Cybil War)

“Satellite of Love” by Lou Reed (The T.V. Kid)

“Distant Shores” by Chad and Jeremy (Love’s Willing Servant)

“Hast Thou Considered the Tetrapod?” by the Mountain Goats (The Cartoonist)

“Ghost World” by Aimee Mann (Summer of the Swans)

“Floating Vibes” by Surfer Blood (Not the Duke’s Darling)

BEST OF THE BI-MONTH

The Wager by Donna Jo Napoli (2010): Don Giovanni de la Fortuna, a nineteen-year-old nobleman in medieval Sicily, loses his entire fortune to a tidal wave and soon finds himself on the brink of starvation. That’s when the Devil comes knocking with an offer: endless money for the rest of his life if he doesn’t bathe, cut his hair, shave, or change his clothes for three years, three months, and three days. This is a retelling of a lesser-known Sicilian fairy tale and, next to the sublime Breath, it’s Napoli’s best work. Instead of taking the easy route of making Don Giovanni a stupid brat who learns to be nicer and more frugal, she complicates things by making him sweet and resourceful from the beginning, as well as callow and somewhat thoughtless. (His first action after seeing the damage wrought by the tidal wave is to go out and help bury the dead for three straight days.) This makes the message of the book more powerful; if someone deep-down good and intelligent can stand to think more about others and help the less fortunate, then clearly that lesson applies to everyone, not just the worst sort of rich people. Don Giovanni’s unprocessed grief over his long-dead parents and longing for human connection are also very affecting.

WORST OF THE BI-MONTH

Spinners by Donna Jo Napoli and Richard Tchen (1999): In medieval-ish Scotland, a poor tailor longs to marry his sweetheart, a spinner, but her father will only consent if the tailor can show he’ll be a good provider. The tailor tries to make a dress that appears to be made of gold and succeeds; however, he still loses his sweetheart to a rich miller and his health to a magic spinning wheel (as one does). Years later, the sweetheart’s daughter, now a skilled spinner in her own right, finds herself in trouble when a king gets the wrong impression about her being able to spin straw into gold. File this one under “cool idea, half-assed execution.” After a certain point, Napoli seems to run out of her own ideas and just follows “Rumpelstiltskin” to its original conclusion. This wouldn’t be great for any fairy-tale retelling, but the ludicrous “Rumpelstiltskin” needs more reworking than most. Also, the tailor’s sweetheart is such an ableist tool! I’d get it if she chose the rich miller out of concern for financial security, but she just dumps the tailor because the magic spinning wheel basically gave him a supernatural stroke and she thinks it made him evil? You can do better, baby!

REST OF THE BI-MONTH

The Cartoonist by Betsy Byars (1978): Alfie Mason, a quiet eleven-year-old, takes refuge from his unhappy family in the tiny attic of his ramshackle house, drawing faintly absurd cartoons. Then his ne’er-do-well older brother Bubba loses his job, prompting a way-too-excited Mrs. Mason to decide to renovate the attic into a bedroom...so Alfie barricades himself in the attic and throws the family into chaos without saying a word. I first read this book when I was eleven, and even then I found it deeply upsetting. Mrs. Mason seems incapable of seeing anyone but Bubba as a full human being, and she never regrets hurting Alfie or her daughter Alma in order to benefit her eldest. The best Alfie and Alma can do is call her out on it--Alfie through his silent protest, Alma by finally standing up for herself and her little brother--and try to move on. It’s certainly an unvarnished message for a middle-grade novel, but it’s not a bad one, given that some parents are just like that.

Shrill by Lindy West (2016): In this memoir, Lindy West reflects on her personal experiences with fatphobia, the general strangeness of having a human body, abortion, the ethics of comedy, and Internet trolls, among other subjects. This book was genuinely inspiring and amusing to me at a time when I greatly needed a lot of confidence and some laughs, and for that I am eternally grateful. The humor can feel very social-media-circa-2015, but there are worse things than a book capturing a specific moment.

Cracker Jackson by Betsy Byars (1985): Eleven-year-old “Cracker” Jackson Hunter realizes that Alma, his beloved former babysitter, is being physically abused by her husband. Even though his divorced parents forbid it and Alma herself warns him against angering her husband, he tries his best to help her, with mixed results. By all rights, this middle-grade novel should be a tonal mess--Jackson and his best friend Goat get involved in some legit Wacky Schemes--but instead it’s a moving portrait of a kid who has to deal with gut-wrenching adult realities while also navigating sixth-grade drama. I also loved Jackson’s three parental figures. They’re all flawed--Jackson’s mom is a worrywart about stuff that doesn’t matter, his dad can’t hold a conversation with him without lapsing into Dracula impressions, and Alma sometimes treats him more like a peer than a kid--but they all clearly care about him and try to make things okay. 

Not the Duke’s Darling by Elizabeth Hoyt (2018): Years ago, a horrific murder and a dubious attempt at revenge tore apart the lives of Christopher Renshawe and Lady Freya de Moray. Now he’s a widowed duke with severe claustrophobia and a blackmailer on his case, while she’s an undercover spy for a secret society of Scottish witches who help women. (Awesome.) (Also some of them are lesbians.) When they end up at the same house party, she vows to keep hating him for wronging her family, but does that last long? No, because they’re reasonably good at communicating and can appreciate each other’s goals! This spooky Georgian romance didn’t knock my socks off, but it’s a good start to Hoyt’s new Greycourt series and it has a light touch with the serious issues it handles.

Mrs. Martin’s Incomparable Adventure by Courtney Milan (2019): Violetta Beauchamps, a sixty-nine-year-old* bookkeeper, is cheated out of her pension by her landlord boss. In desperation, she hatches her own retirement plan: swindling Bertrice Martin, a wealthy seventy-three-year-old widow, by pretending to be her insolvent nephew’s landlady. Bertrice has refused to pay her nephew’s debts on principle, but she’s willing to make an exception if Violetta will help pester him into vacating his lodgings. Shenanigans and old-lady romance ensue. This mid-Victorian-set romance novella is like an ambiguous image (for example: that picture that’s either a vase or two faces in profile). Look at it as the tale of two L.M.-Montgomery-style elderly women falling in love, and it’s delightful; look at it for deep social commentary, and it’s pretty simplistic and sometimes even callous. I enjoyed it, but it only works on certain levels.

Summer of the Swans by Betsy Byars (1970): Lately, fourteen-year-old Sara Godfrey has been feeling awkward and out of charity with everyone: her absentee father, her plainspoken aunt, her beautiful older sister, the other kids at school, and even her little brother Charlie, who has been mostly nonverbal and easily disoriented since sustaining serious brain damage during a childhood illness. When Charlie goes missing in the night, though, her only thought is to find him. Despite loving Byars, I avoided this Newberry winner as a kid because it looked kind of boring. It is a little sedate in a classic-American-coming-of-age-story way--part “The Scarlet Ibis,” part Judy Blume--but I still loved Sara, who is always ready to throw down, and I found the depiction of Charlie to be surprisingly sensitive for the time. (The language is outdated, but the passages from Charlie’s POV aren’t condescending, plus he isn’t killed off, as I initially feared.) The descriptions of the coal-ravaged West Virginia countryside are also very evocative.

The TV Kid by Betsy Byars (1974): Lenny, a preteen living with his single mom at the kitschy Kentucky motel she owns, struggles in school and has no friends. (His family moves around a lot and he probably has a learning disability.) He has two sources of solace: watching TV and sneaking into the abandoned lake houses in his neighborhood. One day, though, his favorite hobbies get him into trouble. This was one of my favorite Byars books as a kid, even though I was not familiar with the TV landscape of 1974. I liked it a little less this time, but not because it was dated; instead, I was disconcerted by how pro-getting-bitten-by-a-rattlesnake it is. Also, a significant portion of the story is devoted to a child suffering horrible pain from a snakebite, which is harder to take as an adult reader. Still, it’s got some of that classic Byars melancholy.

The Cybil War by Betsy Byars (1981): Eleven-year-old Simon has had a crush on his classmate Cybil for years, because she does awesome stuff like advocate for more active roles for girls in the yearly school pageants. He’s not inspired to act on his feelings, though, until his awful best friend Tony decides he likes Cybil and starts talking shit to her about Simon. There’s a lot to like about this book. Cybil, with her nonchalant confidence and kindness, is a wonderful character, and Simon’s thorough admiration for her is adorable. I also like how Byars ties Simon’s complicated feelings about his deadbeat dad to his efforts to navigate small-scale fifth-grade drama; both weigh heavily on him, and Byars is never condescending about this. Yet the book’s not Byars’s best, mostly because of the lack of generosity towards Cybil’s fat friend Harriet and, to a lesser extent, Tony. 

Sex and Violence by Carrie Mesrobian (2013): Seventeen-year-old Evan doesn’t do serious relationships, instead preferring to hook up with girls and ghost them when he starts having feels. (His family moves around a lot and he’s got some trauma.) Then one girl’s jealous ex orchestrates a horrific assault on them both, leading Evan’s distant widowed dad to take his traumatized son back to their Minnesota hometown. It turns out okay. I liked this novel a lot more once I accepted it as an intentionally messy coming-of-age novel, rather than an issue novel...but it was still a little too messy for its own good. I felt like I was supposed to condemn Evan for having casual sex, something that’s both morally neutral and natural enough for a teen who moves every year, yet the narrative all but endorses his contempt for lower-class girls. I was also uncomfortable with the revelation that Evan was a survivor of statutory rape. It seemed like he was being punished by the narrative only for hyper-sexuality that clearly stemmed from trauma--with a physical assault with some strong sexual implications, no less--but let off the hook for his thoughtless middle-class-boy prejudices. I did feel for him, though, and that carried me through most of the book.

October Wind by Susan Wiggs (1991): In late-fifteenth-century Spain,  Cristóbal Colón (aka Christopher Columbus) tries to convince Queen Isabella to fund a westward expedition. Meanwhile, nobleman Joseph Sarmiento learns an enormous secret about his background and must decide whether to alter the course of his life. During this time, Rafael Viscaino, a young scribe, strives to rise in the world while his friends, aspiring doctor Catalina and cheerful but troubled half-Roma Santiago, have their own struggles. This historical novel (which just barely qualifies as a romance) has a lot of potential, but it wastes too much time on Columbus and Isabella, plus it gives them more credit than they deserve. Wiggs should’ve focused on Joseph, the sexiest and most likable character, and made more of his eventual relationship with Anacaona, a Guanahani woman. Or else she should’ve just made it a poly romance with Rafael/Catalina/Santiago, which she comes this close to doing.

Love’s Willing Servant by Avis Worthington (1980): Left penniless by her father and betrayed by her childhood sweetheart, Lettice Clifford decides to take herself to her sister’s home in colonial Virginia and get a rich husband. She’s surprised to find herself sharing a ship with Geoffrey Finch, a neighbor who has been betrayed by his evil twin and sold into indentured servitude. When his indenture ends up getting bought by her brother-in-law, they grow closer, but multiple creepy people and Bacon’s Rebellion threaten their love. Maybe I’ve just seen too much, but I was pleasantly surprised by the relative inoffensiveness of this Old School romance. Geoffrey is a reasonable person, there’s not a sexual assault every other chapter, and the racism issues are more “the black characters should be more central” than “this is just a defense of slavery” or “calm down with the n-word, Quentin Tarantino.” These small mercies aside, I also enjoyed the absolutely bonkers plot and the use of historical details. I didn’t care much for Lettice, though, because she’s usually either boring or kind of a dick. 

*Nice.

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU) CH12

Ok so bear with me this chapter is the GOOFIEST. But you had been warned and you’re all still here. So prepare for dancing, Abba, new characters, fluffy Penny trying hard to do human dating, sad Babadooks, fantastic choreography, and general deadite fuckery.

Chapter 12

Date Night

—————

The entire nightclub was packed with monsters for the occasion. It was a monster owned place ran by the Cenobites one of the few places they could all gather without interference from humans. Leatherface had yet to show up it was going to be a huge surprise for him to see half the monster population there just to say happy birthday to the lovable behemoth.

Pennywise had gone early and was busy setting up the balloons for the occasion since that was his speciality and because the girls (plus Drac) kicked him out of the Neibolt house while they got ready.

He was weary leaving them there with The Evil still floating around but he figured with at least Freddy and Drac there they'd be somewhat well armed. Leech wasn't completely defenseless either, she had come a great long way in her lessons. The young vampire was more than capable of hunting for herself now but she seemed to be putting it off due to her fear of dying and taking that important final step. The clown was still proud of her though, with his and Dracula’s help she’d be a force to be reckoned with someday.

Penny was lost in thought when he bumped into a large dark figure in a top hat. It turned and grinned widely at him.

“Peeeeennnyyywiiiiissseeeeee.”

“Oh! My apologies Baba! Wasn't looking!”

The Babadook reached out its hand almost tenderly to the clowns injured eye.

“Huuuuurrrttt?”

“ah yes that, uh incident with some um pipes.” he was embarrassed to reveal that he had let Deadites infest his house. If people found out that the clown had been slacking off he'd be a laughing stock. He was the untouchable Pennywise after all, the apex predator of this realm and feared by all! Pennywise nervously chatted with the Babadook about his wound trying everything he could to hide the fact that a lesser demon was able to get the best of him. He was also pretty sure the grief monster had a giant crush on him as well, seeing how he kept reaching out to look at the clowns injury with great concern. It was not a great situation for Penny to be in all around.

Just as Pennywise was in serious need of rescue the nightclubs front door opened and the girls (plus Drac) began to walk in. Tiff turned around to tell Leech some last minute thing and Drac adjusted her jacket. They stepped away dramatically in some sort of big reveal much to Leech’s embarrassment. The clown had smelled her sweet scent almost instantly and turned around from the Babadook a big goofy grin lighting his face when he realized his favorite vampire was here. And boy she was perfect. He pushed the Babadook aside with a quick “excuse me” leaving the tall grief monster slightly sad looking when he saw Pennywise smile at the vampire.

He crossed the room making a beeline for her and Leech attempted to meet him wobbling on her heels like a newborn baby deer. She failed spectacularly nearly falling down the steps. Pennywise had brought his hand out to steady her and she gripped the fabric of his costume for support.

“Careful there firecracker” he chuckled “wouldn't want to ruin that dress.” he plucked the tag off the back of it and Leech grew red in embarrassment. Penny chuckled somewhat relieved she was just as nervous as he was “Is it new?”

“You said wear something nice.”

“I like it” the clown whispered so only she could hear causing the vampire to blush. He rarely complimented her like this and she had to admit it was nice.

“Thanks Pen~” she pulled him down and kissed his nose causing the clown to scrunch his face but he still smiled in annoyance. The two stood there awkwardly for a minute until an ear piece in Penny’s ear buzzed to life.

“OFFER HER YOUR ARM JACKASS” it hissed

“Oh!… right!” he held out his elbow which Leech took with a questioning smile. They were still standing there the clown unsure what to do next.

“Um are you going to eat it? Or should I take it back?”

“What?”

“My arm.”

“Why would I eat your arm Pen?”

“Chucky told me to give you my arm, its no big deal I can grow it back”

Leech snorted and laughed hard. “You’ve never done this before have you?”

“I- um no”

“You offer your arm to me so I can hold onto you Pen. In Drac’s time the men would lead the women to the party but now its more just a sign of affection or respect…” she smiled mischievously at him “……and to let all these bitches know you're all mine” the clown felt a twinge of excitement from that. Chucky whispered something in the radio from around the corner where he was posted up for the night with Dracula. They were both on a mission to make sure the clown and his lady love had a successful first date. Pennywise took the advice and grinned at his date.

“Why would they be staring at me my dear with you looking like that” the clown cooed using the dolls line.

“Pfft you should change your name to Pennywise the smooth talking clown. You big flirt” she punched him in the arm.

Pennywise gave her a big bucktoothed grin. “Shall we kitten?” he purred as he began to walk with her to a table. Unfortunately for Penny, all the ones with regular chairs were full so he improvised leading her to a couple of couches. The clown stopped for a second, processed something, then pulled the entire couch back and gestured to his date to sit. Leech was trying her hardest not to break into laughter. He was trying his best after all.

She decided to humor him and sit down “thanks” she smiled, the clown beamed “nailed it” he whispered. Chucky and Drac peered out from behind the corner groaning. “He doesn't have a clue” the doll smacked his own face

“This is a nightmare” the vampire despaired.

Pennywise sat down next to Leech looking at her awkwardly a drop of drool falling from his lips. He was completely unsure of what to do next. Desperate for help he looked over his shoulder mouthing the words “what do I do?”

“TALK TO HER YOU IDIOT” Chucky hissed from the headphone

“ok ok right……” he whispered

“Um soooo what’d you end up getting Leatherface?” the clown began almost nervously.

“You're not going to like it” came her reply.

“Why not…” Penny narrowed his eyes

“Weeeeell, we kinda got him a drum set. I know, I know loud noises, BUT you saw how much fun he was having playing that game he's going to love it! A little creativity for the big guy will be good for him”

“And just how did you afford that? I know you don't have much you've been late on rent for 2 months now”

“Good thing I'm banging the landlord right!?” She elbowed him hard with a theatrical smile.

“I knew it! You've been using me for free rent” Pennywise teased in mock offense.

“Free rent and my apparently extreme coulrophilia” Leech placed her hand on his leg to lean up and kiss/nip his jaw. Before Pennywise could comment his ear buzzed again this time Freddy had stolen the radio and was giving terrible advice.

“Tell her you have a balloon animal in your pants and you want her to help you blow it up!!!”

“FREDDY GIVE THAT BACK YOURE GONNA BLOW IT”

“HAHA BLOW!”

“GOD DAMMNIT KRUGER”

Pennywise turned to glare at them eyes flashing dangerous yellow until Leech grabbed his face turning it back to her.

“Why do you keep looking back there?”

“It-its nothing. Tell me how you were able to get the gift.”

She sighed. He REALLY wasn't going to like this.

“Ok first you have to promise you're not going to get jealous”

“Leeeech what did you do” he growled

“Promise me Penny.”

“We’ll see.”  

She took a deep breath  “Ok well you know how Drac has Renfield as his familiar right?”

“….go on”

“Weeell… I kinda picked up one of my own today, his name is Jim he's scrawny metalhead kid that works at the music shop”

“Hiiiisss name?” the clown sneered he was clearly getting jealous anyway.

“Look he's not like my close friend or anything he looks like barely out of high school. I told him I’d make him a vampire if he got me the drum set thats it.”

Pennywise growled. “ and why am I not your familiar? Shouldn't I be the one you're most familiar with? You're my mate after all.”

She rubbed her temples he clearly didn't get the definition of a familiar.

“So you want to be my servant? Because thats basically what this is.” Pennywise was still glaring at her. “Pen I know you're excited but save that talk for later when were alone and you can be my little slave all night” she gave the clown a wink and wicked grin in an attempt to deflect his anger with humor.

Somewhere in the building Pinhead’s eyes went wide.

“Don't get sassy with me dear” Pennywise warned. Leech rolled her eyes at him for how ridiculous he was being over this.

“Lighten up Pen its a party. You really have nothing to worry about anyway I don't even think regular humans can satisfy me anymore beyond being food.”

He growled putting his arm around her possessively “Good.” Leech leaned her head back against him. “We’ve got to work on your jealousy issues.”

“I don't have issues.”

“Sure Penny.”

“You're such a brat”

“Yeah but I'm your brat” she nuzzled against his ear earning her a semi-annoyed grumble. He hated when she did cute things like this to him in public.

“CLOWN”

Pennywise looked behind him to find the leader of the Cenobites approaching him.

“What is it Pinhead I'm busy right now”

“I hope you will take me up on my offer this year and join the after party this all hallow’s eve.”

“The answer is still no.”

“Do not deny yourself my gifts. I heard your pain….your…pleasure… your suffering is most welcome in my establishment.”

Pennywise groaned in embarrassment. “Great of all the people to know about that, it had to be this guy.”

“Oh shit an afterparty! We sh-” Leech began excitedly

“Not a good idea” the clown replied putting a gloved finger to her lips.  

“We shall be expecting you.” Pinhead sunk away.

“Why is it a bad idea?” Leech asked when Penny pulled his hand away.

“You can ask Freddy about it later, he still has the nipple piercing from the eleven minutes he was there” Pennywise said holding his head in his hands

————-

The night continued on Leatherface was terrified at first when everyone in town jumped out to say surprise. Turns out monsters don't really know how to surprise in a friendly way.  He quickly grew excited when he saw that everyone was there to say happy birthday to him. Leech made sure to stop by and give the giant a huge hug before running outside to grab his gift.

Jim pulled up outside the night club nervously. He was a scrawny looking guy with shaggy hair, a denim battle jacket, and piercings. Typical music store metalhead.

“Jimbo!” Leech called out to him waving.

“Oh hey um….. master? Mistress? What do I call you?”

“Huh good question. Stick to master till I come up with something better. You got my drums?”

“I wrapped them like you said”

“Excellent, be a doll and bring them in for me will ya”

“When will I get to be a vampire?”

“Soon enough you gotta work for me a bit first Jimmy boy.”

Pennywise had suddenly appeared behind Leech and grabbed her waist causing her to yelp in surprise. Jim looked at the demonic clown in shock and fear screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT” Pennywise flashed him a fang filled grin.

“Oh right introductions, Jimbo this is Pennywise my uh-“

“I'm her mate.” he sneered gripping Leech tighter

“Was going to say eldritch horror boyfriend but that works too.”

“Wait you're dating this thing?”

“Thats right Jimboree, its actually our first official date! Isn't he just adorable?” she flicked one of Pennywise’s bells while he growled and drooled behind her.

“You got some weird kinks master.”

Leech frowned and Pennywise began giving off a low hiss.

“Just deliver the drum-set Jim-jam I’ll call you if I need anything else.”

“I dont like him” The clown sneered

“Wow um thanks man I'm standing right here” said Jim who was unloading the truck. He was still terrified of the snarling monster who was eyeing him in a way one would eye a cheeseburger before taking a bite.

“Pen you don't like most people,”

“I eat most people.”

“You eat Jim and I’ll stop making you red velvet cupcakes.”

The clown panicked a bit before grumbling something to himself “Fine. He can live”

“Go inside you big idiot and I’ll come dance with you. And I'm serious leave the human alone.”

The clown snarled one more warning at Jim and vanished. Leech sighed and adjusted her wig “If he gives you any trouble at all come find me, Pen’s got a bit of a possessiveness issue we’re working on. He seems to respond well to positive reinforcement though.”

“um o-ok….”

She left the terrified human to go back inside, deciding to grab a drink first before finding her date who was sulking in a corner Chucky and Tiff were chiding him for something and the clown was not having it.

“You're gonna blow it man!” Chucky hissed

“I am not I was just showing that Jim guy she's mine”

“Possessiveness isn't attractive sweetie” Tiffany added.

“You need to lighten up. I got an idea go take her to the dance floor and wait for my signal.” Chucky said looking up at the DJ booth.

“Ugh fine.”

He walked over to Leech who was casually chatting with Freddy and sipping a bloody marry he had two girls on his arm from the werewolf sorority a few neighborhoods over from Neibolt.

“Dance floor.” The clown growled  taking her hand.

“Can I finish my drink?”

“Later.” he pulled her away

“Whats his problem?” Freddy asked

Pennywise led Leech to the dance floor she began huffing and complaining wondering why Penny was in such a sour mood all of the sudden. “What the hell’s gotten into you Pen?” she asked. She knew he was prone to mood swings but his attitude was all over the place tonight.

“I-I’ll tell you later.”

“You fucking better you're acting really weird right now.”

“Just dance.”

Pennywise got the DJs attention and motioned for everyone to clear he moved Leech to the edge of the circle while smirking. He was clearly up to something.

He grinned as Get Lucky started to play. As soon as he started to move people cheered Pennywise the dancing clown definitely lived up to the name. Leech stood at the edge of the circle in awe. Without a doubt the clown was definitely getting lucky tonight. Part way thought he grabbed Leech and danced with her, this time she was actually able to keep up with him a bit. Her annoyance at him melted away into laughter. The two finally began having an amazing time.

His dance finished and the party swarmed him as he bowed. Say what you will about him but Pennywise was legendary on the dance floor. Leech shoved her way through the mob of people to pounce on him kissing him hard. “You, me. Nearest storm drain. Right fucking now.” was all she said before grabbing him Freddy gave the clown the thumbs up as she dragged him to the exit.  

The couple passed a table. There was a man sitting alone in the booth a book in front of him his face hidden by the darkness of the club. Leech’s primal instinct told her to get out of there as quickly as possible that this man was pure danger. She gripped her clowns hand tightly, flirty steps turned to panic and she led him away from the exit.

“Leech what the fuck was that” Pennywise grabbed her when she finally stopped in a less populated area of the club.

“Huh?”

“You reek of fear you're practically drenched in it actually….it smells delicious by the way…. but thats not my point.”

“That guy at the table by the exit. Somethings-somethings not right.”

“What do you mean that guy Leech.”

“I- I felt something calling me to him, h-had to get out before…” she trailed off

“Am I allowed to be jealous now? Because the only person allowed to make you this terrified is me.” Pennywise growled in the direction of the table “Stay here. I’ll take care of it” he leaned down and kissed the top of her head wile deeply inhaling the scent of her fear before walking off. Jim came over to her now nervously.

“M-master?”

“You're still here Jimbo?

“I-I cant seem to leave every time I do someone else grabs me. That guy with the nails in his head keeps asking me to go to a party with him I don't wanna go man I'm gettin’ bad vibes here. Baaaaad vibes”

“Jimmy, buddy just stick with me and Pen I got a feeling some shits about to go down anyway.”

As if on cue demonic screeching erupted from the direction of Pennywise as the man with the book vanished in a shadowy mist, only to reappear by the exit. He turned to wave at Leech before walking out the door clearly having just created some kind of distraction. The clown found himself walking to the dance floor somehow losing control of his current form. In fact the entire Neibolt residence plus the Freddy Drac Party Shack (as Freddy refers to it) were all making their way to the center of the dance floor.

“PEN PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT JUST HAPPENED” Leech called out to him unable to control her own body

“S-something… the book…” was all the clown was able to say he was fighting what ever was manipulating them as was Freddy, the demons were having a way easier time with it than the others. The club all stood back as if possessed, creating a circle around the group on the floor.

“Does this have something to do with your friends from the bathroom Kruger” Chucky hissed

“Ok first off not friends, second probably.”

“How do we stop it?” Tiff asked.

“I got a guy but you aren't going to like it.”

Music began to play and they all began to dance.

“Is this fucking Abba?” Leech turned her head to the group.

“Oh dear they turned this into a…a..…a musical….” Drac said in horror.

They were in formation now singing together unable to control their mouths “YOU CAN DAAANCE YOU CAN JIVE HAVING THE TIME OF YOUR LIIVVEES”

Penny and Leech broke forward from the group to point at each other “OOOH SEE THAT GRIL WATCH THAT SCENE DIG IN THE DANCING QUEEN”

“what the fuck” they hissed at each other while grooving back. Penny’s face had begun to split open from the struggle.

Tiff and Leech then spun around and began to sing and dance “FRIDAY NIGHT AND THE LIGHTS ARE LOW” they grabbed their mouths in shock.

“LOOKING OUT FOR A PLACE TO GOOO” the boys returned faces filled with pure embarrassment.

They continued the number. Everyone shooting looks of panic to each other trying hard to regain control of the situation while sporting killer dance moves and choreography. At one point Penny even caught Leech in the air dirty dancing style. Dracula looked like a dancing grandpa with a tambourine. Chucky and Tiff spun each other around during the chorus while Freddy and Leatherface (who was the only one somewhat enjoying this) danced together behind them. The group came back together ending with Pennywise doing and epic death drop before pulling himself back up. The song ended people laughed and cheered thinking it was planned. They regained control of themselves and the entire group bolted to leave.

“WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SOMEONE START TALKING RIGHT NOW” screamed Tiffany.

“It was that fucking guy!! Pen what did you say to him” Leech turned to the clown who was in a state of shock and confusion.

“What fucking guy?” asked Chucky

“This guy in the corner freaked me out Penny went to go take care of him and suddenly we were dancing and the guy was gone”

“R-read s-something.” Pennywise was obviously not able to handle what had just happened. The clown seemed to have a real problem being rational when his ego is wounded.

“Those Kandarian fuckers are stronger than I remember.” Freddy cracked his back.

“Ok lets just go home call that guy and wait this shit out” Chucky suggested

“They got in…. not supposed to get in…. be-become prey now…. lesser… l-loser.” Pennywise was on the ground knees against his chest.

“Jiinnngles, you ok?” Chucky waved a hand in front of the clowns face

“L-loser…..I’m a…a..l-loser”

“Oh boy he's gone” Leech groaned going over to check on her clown.

“Great he's like the only thing we could use to stand a chance against these assholes too. Theres probably something wrong with him to let a lesser demon get to him like this.” added Freddy.

“Then we need to snap him out of it” Tiffany shouted

“He hasn't been feeding as much could that be it?” Leech was trying to get a hold of the clowns face to hold him still.

“Possibly, someone get him to eat something. Leech he's your boyfriend go get him some food.” Freddy said getting his phone out to scroll through his contacts.

“Wait what?”

-----------------------------

IM SO SORRY! I had to do it I had to do the Beetlejuice esque dance number to an Abba song. BUT I finally got to introduce Jim who’s a neurotic, tired music store clerk that just wants cool vampire powers so girls will like him. And dont worry about Baba guys, he’s finds someone to love him eventually. Next chapter is Leech heavy so I apologize ahead of time. Its about to get fucked up friends! Also I’ll be posting some side drabbles sometime today as well now that Jim’s been introduced. So yay for more content!