#pov: your parent is recalling an awkward episode of when you were a baby in front of everyone and you want to slink away but can't

[alwayshappyhoursomewhere]

Deniss Vasiljevs and coach Stéphane Lambiel in the mixed zone after the SP at the 2024 European Championships | 2024.01.10

[zepdeans]

this is highkey like a month late (i mean wbk im a chronic scatterbrain procrastinator) and she’s thicccc but without further ado. my skam s4 thoughts.

I first just want to say a couple things: im not a muslim woc so my thoughts on s4 don’t hold as much value as those of a muslim, woc, or a muslim woc. I also don’t know to what degree sana’s representation was true to real life. I made an effort to look for posts from muslim woc on sana’s season but to no real avail, especially given it’s been two years since skam ended and a lot of blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or posts have become buried :( [if you know of any good posts regarding sana’s season please lmk!]. from what I can recall in 2017, there were mixed opinions on s4 with most being upset (or at least disappointed) with the ultimate execution of sana’s storyline and I agree w that. while s4 means so much to me and has a really special place in my heart, I do 100% acknowledge its flaws. ok!!!!!! lets get into it😤

ep1 -as much as I wished isak stayed in kollektivet I’m glad he and even had a rlly sweet happy time this entire season. also evak making their friends move all their furniture while they whisper romantic shit to each other and makeout? peak comedy -you fuckin wish!!! -sana is the one to say “of course you should tell noora about william”.. she Knew and still takes the fall for it :( -this opening clip is such a jarring shift into sana’s pov!! e.g. while easy to overlook in previous seasons, sana’s exclusion from the girls is glaringly obvious once we’re looking through her eyes -adding onto that! sana is the friend who notices everyone else- she’s so observant, which hurts even more when you notice her friends don’t do the same (except mayhaps chris- in my heart of hearts I know chris is also the friend who notices and goes unnoticed, but unfortunately we don’t get enough of her and sana’s relationship this season to fully see that) -yousef and the balloon squad’s entrance.... ICONIC! also I cant believe for 2 seasons they presented those dickbag nissen 97s as the be all end all of hot amazing boys when the bakka third years were RIGHT THERE like,, the penetrators vs. balloon squad + even? no contest ma’am -also! it’s so interesting that we literally had no idea sana had a brother, or that yousef etc existed until now? it’s as if she has a whole private world at home, separate from her friends and nissen (and I think a theme of this season is those two worlds merging) -im obsessed w the yousana train scene but yousef being the only one who notices sana standing off to the side? ;-; -fy faen is such a stunning clip oh my god. when sana leaves to pray? possibly my favourite skam scene ever. it’s exquisite.  -sana is so cute and awkward squeezing thru the crowd shsdhgfhshdf I LOVE her love her -the last shot on yousef and noora... oh my GOD oh my god bc like. being that friend who never ever tells your real feelings or your crushes or is vulnerable with your friends?? and then having to listen to them talk about how good your crush would be with someone else (especially one of ur friends) while ur sitting there silently dying inside? and you don’t say anything since you can’t be vulnerable with your friends and u don’t think u stand a chance anyways so. (in the words of s3 noora. I think sana struck a nerve with the emotional unavailability! abbey r u ok) -this episode is a masterpiece and did such a phenomenal job of both introducing us to sana’s perspective while also touching on a multitude of her struggles AND establishing the themes of the season. plus the cinematography, editing, soundtrack and aesthetic...... o baby. (case in point I deadass just rewatched it after writing this)

ep2 -every shot of sana praying is beautiful (and beautifully edited!!) -sana’s room is usually messy... not smart enough to fully analyze this but I’m sure it means something  -an interesting contrast of what’s expected of her vs. of elias- I can’t speak for muslim families, but I know even in non-muslim families girls are always held to suchhh a higher standard (source: I have 2 brothers rip) -”if you find immaturity charming” hilarious bc sana actually does in fact find immaturity charming  -what’s interesting is how noora comes across in sana’s POV- kinda obnoxious, kinda ignorant, seemingly perfect (compared to how noora is portrayed in eva’s season, for example) -even is one of those ppl who uses the bill gates argument on why dropping out of school makes u richer sdfhfsjskfjfsd -sana staring down the pepsi max squad. fuck em up. -vilde adding magnus to the groupchat jfkjsjfdjfsfsdkj -isak missing eskild :’) sidenote I fucking live for isak and sana’s chats this season. they’re literally my lifeblood like.... 

ep3 -the kiss me scene god I go FERAL -“you need to pull it towards you, not push it away. okay?” yall mind if i SCREAM!! YOUSEF!!!!!!!!!! -there rlly is something about seeing sana, who in everyone else’s POV comes off as cold and harsh and stoic, just absolutely meltinggg when she talks w yousef like she doesn’t stop smiling she’s so sweet!!!! ah🥰 and yousef is 100% that guy who ppl tell “your gf is so intimidating and ruthless bro” and he’s like are y’all talking about sana??????? my baby?? my fuckin cinnamon apple????? -yousef’s lil smile watching sana peel carrots. 911 it’s me again -vilde and sana’s relationship has a really interesting dynamic bc like.. vilde says ignorant shit to sana while also genuinely looking up to her. and sana is probably the harshest to vilde within the group but it’s because she actually values their friendship a lot  -IM HURT BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO MY MEME -sana pulling 2yr old receipts off the top of her head to defend vilde. god I stan -sana doin research taking notes..... shameful she isn’t canonically a virgo (honestly her and isak both but like-) -she’s so soft and smiley w her mamma awh... “of course he likes you, who doesn’t like you?” her mamma only knows the real, gentle, beautiful loving sana oh im CRY -even is so kind and loving and thoughtful yall mind if i....... -”you can’t escape the internet girl” foreshadowing mayhaps?

ep4 -david and ulrikke together are fucking hilarious -noora’s “you’re lucky you don’t have to think about this stuff, heartbreak and that” :/ it’s not just vilde who says ignorant things to sana! -that being said sana and noora are cute asf in the exper5 scene.. dorky noora rise (omg josefine and her yogurt in the bloopers too sjhfkjdf) -I HANDLE BALLS BETTER THAN YOU -the yousana scene is sooo gorgeous whew...... -I always cry a lil bit (ok a lot) when yousef brings up even. and sana knew too. even sweetie ily :( -sana talking about her religion is beautiful. it’s so lovely to learn about how she thinks and sees the world. -yousef’s smile watching sana leave like ur kidding right....... -“flawless since 99″ is so cringey. it’s so cringeyyy -sana uses “smh” I knew we were soulmates

ep5 -eavesdropping on ur parent/brother’s argument is peak sibling culture -when ur always paranoid but ur always right..... -sana’s green jumpsuit sign me up babey -I really really really love elias and sana’s conversation -u dont even realize how tiny sana is until she’s standing next to isak and even -not finding out why yousef avoided the fight and why he kissed noora will haunt me forever (could we not have expanded more on that instead of noorhelm.......) -the parallel of sana washing isak’s blood off her hands vs. her washing her hands during maghrib in episode 1. gotta sit down. -vilde gossiping to the pepsimax girls stings SO bad it’s just such a betrayal?:( -“the other girls seem cool, especially noora! she’s so pretty!” ok much to unpack here but: sana again comparing herself to noora (who she sees as /perfect/)... sana being written off despite putting so much effort and passion into the russ bus while noora, who has done literally nothing and at best is indifferent to russ, is the one they like the most. disgusteng -love will tear us apart.. bitch..... -sana abt to cry god I can’t -if sana is anything like me (I mean I think she is but jkjjkhsdfhfsd). looking stupid is the absolute worst so like, her sending out emails abt being bus boss when she was actually being lied to? being played? and her being “paranoid” about sara being shady, but deciding hey maybe im just being crazy? except she wasn’t she was right and she Knew!! and she’s probably thinking how dumb it was for her to get her hopes up, everything always ends badly anyways and no one actually likes her :((((((( -dont rlly know what my feelings are on the fight. im not against it bc isak does have a temper but his apparent motive always seemed weak to me?? and god I feel so bad for even

ep6 -forgot about sana getting bullied in middle school yall mind if I sob?? -sana lying and getting defensive bc it’s hard to be vulnerable, or because she hates looking stupid? or both?:( -isak looking up dandelions in his textbook just bc even put one behind his ear. I HATE this man -sana’s dad asking if she had a bad day aw :( -all the boys (and sana) wearing black but yousef wearing white.... what does it mean.............. -the carrots are back goddammit -radio station playing during this scene: “if I have to choose between the just non-muslim and the unjust muslim, without any doubt I would choose the non-muslim who is just” -ISAK’S NOSE SFFJDFJFSDKJSDF -sana’s text about chris I’m going to bawl my eyes out.           “yeah! looking forward (to going to nissen) but a bit worried. don’t know               anyone else starting there.”           (J: new friends?) “yes, at least one of them. I have german with her (chris)           and she’s very cool!” -the contrast of how blunt sana came off when we’re first introduced to her vs. how she was really just excited to make a new friend bc she was scared no one would like her :( especially knowing her past with bullying and how nervous she was to start at nissen? chris baby I LOVE YOU thank u ;-; -also sana keeping 2yr old conversations on her phone... same -sana is honestly too smart and scheming and overthinking for her own good. she has these elaborate plans that more-or-less always get ruined by her being more kind than she gives herself credit for (e.g. wanting to protect vilde in s1, clearing isak’s name in s4) -everyone in skam texts back so fast smh -chris calling sana “sonic”...... a moment please -I cannot watch the sana/evak apartment scene without thinking of the bloopers and losing it lmfaoooo.. “this is where we live. just come in” -ik it’s based off fanart but there is little I hate more than their matching outfits  -“remember you’re both geniuses!” 🥺even  -once again isak studying is uhhhh me - “you’re a good person” yall i love isak i really do. he puts his foot in his mouth pretty often and doesn’t have a great brain-to-mouth filter and he can be awkward and rambly and blunt and unsure of what to say in emotional situations but also? he’s so genuine. it’s just his honest thoughts and he says it bc he cares about sana and knows she needs to hear it!! -ᶠᵃᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ -sana’s inner turmoil.. thank u iman for inventing acting (ik I haven’t mentioned it much yet but god iman is SUCH a phenomenal actor I owe her my life) -LETS GO BITCHES

ep7 -sana crying silently in her room breaks my fucking heart (IMAN!!!!)  -idk how I feel about the instagram plot but sana watching as her plan falls into place and then storming up to sara... pretty bada$$ -“it’s creepy it was published but it’s more creepy we have a bus boss who talks shit about everyone” THANK YOU vilde -i love s4 isak thanks -sana and jamilla’s chat aw :~) -how awkward do yall think the walk to the bench was lmfao -what sana tells isak is SO powerful and I love it a lot -isak does actually make a good point- the other girls are like that too.  -unfortunately I have been in situations isak describes, where you want to learn more about your friend’s culture or religion because you care about them and you’re genuinely interested, but you don’t know what questions are okay to ask and you don’t want to sound rude or ignorant, so you ultimately end up asking no questions at all. but I hate that the responsibility is put on sana to constantly educate people bc I cannot imagine how exhausting that must be [[[ok so. I know there are VERY mixed opinions on the bench scene but here’s my dumbass two cents. 1- I genuinely think isak was trying to make sana feel better by attempting to relate to her and pass on advice that really helped him. however, I don’t think isak realized what sana eventually told him- that her experience wearing the hijab is a lot different than isak’s experience as a gay man. do I agree with everything isak said? nooo. do I understand why he said it? yeah. 2- it was not isak’s place to tell sana norwegians aren’t racist, or not to look for racism in questions. I think there’s some truth to ppl often just being ignorant, and he does add that there are probably a lot of racist people in Norway, but yeah. not great. 3- in conclusion I think while isak shared some meaningful advice w sana, he put his foot in his mouth too and said some stupid shit. im not trying to defend that. I will add, though: a. we actually do see some growth on isak’s part. when he and even are yelled at on the street, that’s the moment it clicks for him that oh shit, this is what sana was talking about. this is what she has to experience? and that’s why he texts noora, “in the speech for sana, you have to include how insanely strong she is. I don’t think many people understand how much bullshit she has to take” and b. isak’s (bad) advice of “not looking for the racism in things” is ultimately contrasted by yousef (a moc who lived most of his life as a muslim) suggesting instead to show people what islam really is. and that’s so much more meaningful. I think the root of a lot of the issues isak brought up- i.e. ignorance- is a general lack of education, representation, or effort by non-muslim people to seek out information themselves. so sana leading by example and showing what it means to her to be muslim is so much more powerful.]]] -𝒃𝒂𝒎!  -BEST BUDS 🥺

ep8 -haper du har plass weaving in and out of this episode until the chorus finally breaks when the los losers van shows up...... miss julie 😭 -oh my god the pictures. im a fucking MESS bc they’re not only significant to the scene and to sana but also like,, as part of our goodbye to the girls?? -the balloon squad and even :( while the timeline of them reconciling within just this week is kinda wack, seeing even back with his friends looking so happy makes my heart uwu so i’ll allow it just this once -eva’s message to vilde about her and magnus being able to trust each other w/o reading their texts... growth or irony -chris is such a phenomenal friend (and this is why I wanted more of her in s4!!) -sana’s phonecall to the girls breaks my fucking heart bc like. right off the bat she’s finally being vulnerable with them?? telling them about her fears and insecurities and struggles? typing this im gonna start crying lol but god I love her so much. she’s so brave and she put all that on the line bc all she really cares about are her friends, she loves them SO much even if (she thinks) they don’t love her back -lowkey sobbed so hard during the haper du har plass clip I almost threw up and it gave me a headache :)  -anyways this is one of my favourite skam clips and god just. the moment you hear the girls calling for sana??? I LOSE it. when sana just starts BEAMING omg🤧 the girls love sana and support her and if you fuck with sana you fuck with us!!!!!! god. cannot articulate how dear to my heart this scene is. -haper du har plass feels like the end of the episode and the party clip is kinda just tacked on but I love how happy everyone is!! they’re all drinking champagne (who taught isak how to hold things) and dancing and smilingggg 💛 -yousana rise!!!!!!!!  -ok don’t get me wrong I hate william for crashing the party but their entrance slow-mo kinda slaps.... also sana popping up in between noorhelm SENDS me

ep9 -this is the point in the season where the amount of time dedicated to noorhelm is beyond beyond beyond significantly damaging to the story. this is sana’s last episode!! instead of having them makeout in front of william’s car for 20 minutes mayhaps we could’ve had a conversation between the girls and sana, or with her brother (if they had continued the elias alcoholism plotline rip), or maybe even with jamilla or her mamma? like I don’t care at ALL about noora or william. give me anything else. ple a s e -what makes skam scenes so brilliant is their quiet moments!! julie let the scene breathe. not everything needs a tacky song playing over top. -I’ve said this abt like twenty clips now but MAGHRIB. oh my GOD. an absolute masterpiece and definitely tied for my all time favourite skam clip. can’t rlly put into words how stunning it is. & I love sana and yousef’s conversation so much. -“of course I brought food! my name is yousef!” mr. acar you’re the only man I trust

ep10 -as much as my heart yearns for 10 sana episodes I think splitting up the last episode of skam into individual POV clips for different characters was brilliant and such a poignant way to say goodbye :( -okay don’t think about what sana could’ve written in her texts to everyone or ur heart will go sicko mode -I won’t write anything abt this ep since I’ve already written too much but like.. (elias should’ve gotten a clip instead of william. pchris can stay because his clip was funny but he’s on thin fuckin ice) -kjaere sana was such a beautiful way to say goodbye to skam. so yeah. bye skam. i miss you. 

overall ➔I’m not really sure why (possibly a lethal combination of my undying love for sana bakkoush, how much I relate to her, this but my ass was crying EVERY single episode of season 4...... F ➔I’m obsessed with s4′s aesthetic. imo the best editing, soundtrack and cinematography of any season!!!! julie is so talented at making each season feel distinct- to me, sana’s season is cool, vibrant colours (aka the late-night sunset aesthetic- gabie i hear u laughing shut up), crisp electronic/pop music and rap, ethereal city nights..... also sana has the best style of any skam character it had to be said ➔sana’s growth! seeing her open up and be honest and vulnerable with the girls during that phone call. sana sending all of her friends literally the sweetest messages of how much they mean to her and how much she values their relationship. sana being the (MUCH) bigger person and making amends with sara, ingrid etc. I love her so much :’((( ➔I’ve thought a lot about what I would change in season 4 and honestly? im a mf scatterbrain and have no real, structured ideas. my biggest issue is too much noora. dream s4 would be william staying in london and noora being happy on her own (but not rly on her own bc she has the girls and kollektivet!). as :/ as I am about the noora/yousef plotline, I’m not really sure what I’d do to replace the yousana conflict in ep5. maybe involving elias, or the balloon squad and even? related to that- in lieu of all the noora/noorhelm screentime, I would so much rather have a follow-up plot to elias’s drinking problem bc it was kinda just dropped? at the very least, the william clip should’ve been elias’s. I also would've killed for more one-on-one scenes with chris (even vilde or eva!), jamilla, even, members of the balloon squad... there are so many interesting stories that could’ve been explored instead of going down the noorhelm rabbithole again. furthermore, I feel like the social media plot was a bit... weak? again I’ve tried thinking of what I would’ve done instead (while also keeping the haper du har plass clip, y’all can pry that one from my cold dead hands) to little avail. what especially threw me about this plotline is that sana did this in s2 to jamilla, fucked up, and it bit her in the ass. I know that she gets irrational when angry but from a storytelling perspective, it seems repetitive. just.. I feel like there could’ve been a more powerful plot in which sana follows the same character arc. another thing I would’ve loved to see is beyond the los losers van, an apology from the girls to sana. or even just a conversation where they tell her “hey sana, we’re sorry for not paying attention and we’re sorry for being thoughtless/ignorant.” an apology from vilde about things she’s said in the past would’ve been <3. even a gesture! the girls order pizza again but this time it’s halal, or they make an effort to learn about sana’s religion and culture. I know it’s implied through the letter they write for sana, but a final standalone scene would’ve been so nice.  ➔i’ve noticed soo many remakes do this thing where they like.. water down shitty behaviour of their characters. which like- sure. I would love for everyone to be kind and thoughtful and not as horrible as they could be but also... I think that’s the point of skam? to show that people fuck up, but that doesn’t define them as a person. no one is perfect and no one can be thoughtful and considerate and kind all the time. and often these ‘problematic’ actions are integral to the story- e.g. elias saying stupid comments to isak (related to isak’s internalized homophobia and fear of coming out to his friends), the girl squad being ignorant about what sana can eat, etc. so..... your remake is not better because it erased every horrible action every character has done. (nuance.. where r u.........) ➔despite its flaws, I will say- the good moments of season 4? ineffable. I think we sometimes forget that julie literally wrote, directed, and I believe (?) assisted w editing and soundtrack too. i cant imagine doing all that under so much pressure, trying to bring so many storylines to a conclusion whilst simultaneously creating a goodbye-season to a show she put her life into the past two years. I’m so fucking appreciative of her. and you know what? all in all julie wrote some pretty damn beautiful episodes and scenes, and you can tell she loves this show just as much as we do. ➔and honestly this is maybe one reason I’m more wary of watching remake s4′s, bc like.. this season meant SO much bc it was the last season of skam. we knew it was the last season. the final episode is more or less a love letter, a goodbye to the show. whereas w some remakes (do i have to say whomst) its  like.. that love isnt there. it’s just another season. yknow? in conclusion I miss skam so much :(

ok whew if ur reading this ur a champion but also why did you just read 5k of me rambling about how much I love sana bakkoush?? 

[ficdirectory]

The Fosters: Our Thoughts on Episode 4x15 “Sex Ed”

Time for another twin recap with @tarajean621.  You can see Tara’s comments in italics below:

Against the Wall: I went through one of these simulations in college.  It was called ‘The Oppression Tour’ or something and it was so intense.  I think Callie’s senior project is amazing, but I’m suspending my disbelief of the fact that she built it in like a day.

I Have Medical Anxiety:  Me, too, Emma :(

Am I a Horrible Person for Not Telling Jesus Before I Do This?  What I’m wondering, Emma, is how you got the $300 it costs to get an abortion so it won’t show up on your parents’ insurance...  And I am still of the belief that Jesus should be told.  If I were him, I have no idea how I would feel knowing that my brother took my girlfriend to abort our baby before she even told me about it.  I don’t know if Jesus would ever get over that...

The Boy and The Girl Are Ready to Have Sex:  They are, huh?  So awkward...I’m sorry, Jude...

Thank You For Opening My Eyes:  Talya, this was a nice curve ball.  Did not expect you to be the one deeply moved by Callie’s solitary confinement cell.

Ana and Isabella Are Moving In with You Guys, Right?/First I’m Hearing About It:  Ooh, Mariana.  Apparently Ana and your cousin are talking about this so freely you assume that of course AJ knows about it.  Awkward.

Did You See Emma Today?  Did She Look Okay?  Did She Go Home Sick?  While I am happy to see Jesus at family dinner, this is super chaotic.  (Expected in a large family, but not helpful for those with filtering issues.  To this day, when I have dinner with my similarly large family, I am largely silent.  Not because I don’t want to add to the conversation, but because it is all I can do to attempt to follow the various strains of discussions.  And inevitably, I end up in an empty room by myself just trying to decompress.)  So, I’m impressed that Jesus is able to speak at all in this instance.

We also see that Lena is not only cutting her own food, but Jesus’s as well.  These “little” moments eat away at your sense of self-worth.  I wonder if there was ever a conversation about this, or if Lena just does it for him to save time or to not have to see him struggle?  Either way, Jesus is looking pretty exhausted and/or demoralized here.

Back to the Emma conversation, I just have to say that Brandon is a terrible liar.  Jesus can totally tell he is not getting the full story, and it has got to be frustrating.   

If You Can Buy Your Way Out of Jail, Does That Mean Nick’s Going to Get Out?  Oh Mariana.  Totally missed this comment with all the cross-conversation going on.  I’m glad Mariana feels like she can share these concerns now.

What If He Does?  I Have No Way of Protecting Myself/Maybe You Should Take a Self Defense Class:  I love that Stef hears Mariana’s concerns and offers to help her follow through on something that will make her feel more empowered.

Why Don’t We Have Gay Sex Ed?/You’re Right We Should:  I love that Jude addresses this with Lena.  It could be because she’s the assistant principal but my first thought was that it was because she was the first of the moms to talk to Jude about same-sex handholding, and wearing nail polish, where he and Stef have never really been able to be as open about it, that I can recall.  And I love Lena’s response, too.

Since Jesus Can Manage The Steps, Why Doesn’t He Take My Room?/For Real?  Given that this is said on the heels of the whole Emma thing, Brandon’s offer of his room could be viewed as a sort of guilt gift on his part.  

That’s Very Nice of You, B:  But is it really?  Seriously, lets consider this.  Jesus had to crash in the living room for a time, but now that he is able to climb stairs, the lack of privacy as well as being so cut off from the family makes it an untenable long-term solution.

Brandon switching rooms with Jesus, so that the hospital bed could fit upstairs?  To me, that is under the umbrella of reasonable accommodations and something that Moms should have considered.  We saw Moms make similar accommodations when it was clear that Callie and Jude were staying long-term - Jesus and Mariana were expected to share their rooms.  

But instead of being expected to switch rooms now that Jesus can climb stairs, Brandon magnanimously gives up his room for Jesus.  It is not as if he will be roomless in the meantime.  But Brandon is still being portrayed as a SuperBrother, sacrificing greatly for Jesus.  And the expectation is now placed on Jesus to be grateful for the fulfillment of a basic need.  Because Jesus’s needs are now seen as Special instead of Reasonable.  And accommodating him is not an expectation, but a very nice sacrifice.  More on this later.

I Can Crash on the Couch If Bella Needs My Room:  I’m so glad Mike and Ana both said no to this.  And I’m not sure what’s up with their plan to have Ana and Bella move next door?  (Are they all moving next door?)  I’m confused...

Heels?/You Can’t Call a Time Out for a Wardrobe Change When You’re Getting Attacked:  She speaks the truth.

Avoid Isolated Areas...Which You Did Not Do at Bayfest:  Oh, Mom, come on.  Mariana has a lot of guilt around that already.  

Screaming is Your Best Defense.  Let’s Hear One:  I LOVE THIS.  I love that Stef wants Mariana to practice screaming before she actually needs to do it.  I remember when Elizabeth Smart’s dad was on Oprah with her.  They shared a story of how she was followed into a bathroom at church and trapped in there by someone who was harassing her about having been kidnapped and would not let her out.  Someone else either came inside or the guy let her out eventually, but when she got home and told her family, Dad took both daughters aside and had them practice screaming because, like Stef says, it is their best defense, if someone will not let them go, and does not have a weapon.

Gay Sex First Time: Oh Jude.  Where else are you supposed to find this out, though?  Moms don’t exactly know how to talk you through.  But I’m still so worried for you...

Huge Win and I Don’t Want to Take It Away From You/Starting to Get Anxious About What Parents Were Gonna Think Anyway:  Oh, Callie.  You don’t have to neutralize this situation.  Lena is the parent.  You can feel disappointed, or angry, or sad, this isn’t fair.  (And Tara just pointed out that AJ does the exact same thing - we saw it with Ana and Bella.  Not only does he not mind, but watch him willingly give up his room for that baby.)

Hot Pic/Thanks You 2/Age?/18:  Jude Jacob, that is so dangerous!

3 Bedroom...1 Bedroom.  What Do You Think?/It Sounds Like You Don’t Wanna Live With Me, Just Near Me:  Right, Ana?  I’m glad Mike cleared the air about her not being allowed to live there while he’s fostering AJ.

Stef Is With Jesus, So I Came By to Talk to Some of His Teachers:  Glad to see Jesus is not being rushed back into school, and that Lena’s thinking ahead and talking to his teachers.

Jude Was Talking About Health Class and Brought Up a Very Good Point/Parent’s Perspective...The Only POV You’re Entitled To:  Okay, this whole scene just angers me.  I know it’s realistic and that makes it even worse.  Where are the LGBTQ+ kiddos supposed to learn about sex ed?  According to Monte, after class, but Lena knows she never felt comfortable doing that in school and Jude and others won’t either.  Why go to a probably straight teacher who won’t have the first idea how to address your concerns?

You Don’t Touch a Child With Autism!  Grace, we have to talk.  First, the autistic community largely prefers the term ‘autistic’.  But let’s talk about the bigger issue here, because when you reprimanded Brandon, your sentence was missing some key words:

You don’t touch a child without their consent.  Autistic children included.  You don’t just get in a child’s space as a stranger and put your hands on them.  Ollie responded just right.  (Because as Stef taught Mariana, your voice is your best defense and Ollie got Grace’s attention.)  

But to imply that autistic children cannot ever be touched is just plain false and it feeds some damaging stereotypes.  I did like that Ollie was shown stimming, though.  (One small step for respectful representation.  But several giant steps back.  Bad form.)

Note: To our autistic readers - if you have further comments, please let us know and we will reblog them.  Also, if we have made any comments that are problematic, let us know and we will address those, too.  We want to hear from you.

Mike Wants to Adopt Me/What Do You Think?  I love this conversation between Callie and AJ (and that Callie has “such fond memories of that master closet” in the 3-bedroom that AJ thinks they are moving into.)  But he’s worried about what Ty will think.  I’m glad Callie encourages AJ to ask him.  That she asks questions rather than just telling him what she thinks he should do.

You Know What Is Funny?  Brandon Having To Share a Room With Jude/I Think It’s Very Sweet That He Gave You His Room.  You Might Be a Little Grateful:  And here we are again with Brandon’s grand sacrifice, and Emma forcing gratitude on Jesus.  By saying “You might be a little grateful,” she is implying that he is not grateful enough to have what every other family member is entitled to by default.  It’s just plain gross.

You Wanna Help Me Out With Some Physical Therapy?  Now, this is where that secret is going to make things tricky.  Emma is and always has been exceedingly clear about her boundaries, and declining sex is well within her right.  But to say that she does not think that Jesus is ready and able?  And dismissing him when he assures her that he is, and that he will even wear his helmet?  That does nothing but reinforce Jesus’s feelings of intense inadequacy.  

Emma is rejecting Jesus on the basis of his “safety.”  This feeds into the notion that disabled people are fragile.  That disabled people cannot have sex.  That a nondisabled person knows a disabled person’s body better than the disabled person himself does.  Because when Jesus attempts to reassure her, Emma will not hear it.  

Are You Hungry? Why Don’t I Make You A Sandwich?  Patronize him a little more, Emma.  These microaggressions like not even waiting for Jesus to respond to your question are making life so much more difficult.

Wanna Meet Up?/Where?  Jude!  No!  You can’t just meet Pump!Preston in person!  He’s, like, 30.  And you are a child.

Wanted to Talk to You About My Situation/Yeah, Me, Too.  I’m Gonna Be Out in a Few Months:  Ooh, AJ.  This is gonna put a wrench in Mike’s plans to adopt you.  Also, how do you really feel knowing all of why Mike is doing this?  Does that factor in?  Are you conflicted at all?  I’m curious.

Your Brother Wants To...I Told Him He’s Probably Not Well Enough...I’m Not Well Enough/I’m Not Qualified, But If You Need to Talk:  Okay, wow.  The lines have officially been crossed when you talk to your boyfriend’s brother about your physical relationship.  Why couldn’t Emma just say that she still did not feel well from the other day?  

Emma Sent: Was Just Talking to Brandon.  Be Right Up.  Would You Like to Reply?  I love that Jesus is using voice-to-text.  Way to adapt.  However, you can’t tell me though that no one at therapy has noticed Jesus’s unwillingness to read.  I’m sure that trained professionals would know to look deeper into that.

Exactly the Scream I’m Talking About!/What’s Going On?  Why Did She Scream/I Jumped Out From Behind the Tree/You Scared Her?  This is so terrible!  I have such a bad startle reflex and I hate to be scared the way Stef scares Mariana, especially given Mariana’s background.  I love that Lena gets in on it and insists that Stef go talk to Mariana and explains that you don’t teach a princess the same way you teach a Marine.  Honestly, too?  I’m more than a little uncomfortable with Stef’s underlying upset toward Mariana.  I hope they can work that out.

You’re Jacob?  OMG Jude!  No!  This could end so badly!  Run!  You don’t need to be meeting Pump!Preston at his apartment!

Should I Have Screamed When Nick Was in My Bedroom?/No, I Think You Handled That Pretty Brilliantly:  So glad Mariana’s able to open up to Stef about why she didn’t want to scream.  Because she “doesn’t want to relive it at all.”  And I’m so glad that Stef was able to reassure her that she handled the situation with Nick right, so that she can hopefully keep gaining confidence that she did the right thing.

Are You Behind This Boycott?  Do You Know Who Is?  Because If I Find Out Otherwise/Don’t Threaten My Daughter:  I love that Talya’s got the seniors boycotting showing  their projects at open house in solidarity with Callie and I love that Callie’s protecting Talya.  (And how much do I love Lena having Callie’s back, too?  Monte, I really don’t like you in this episode.)

I Should Have Fought For You/I Do Have an Idea But I Don’t Think Monte’s Gonna Like It:  Ooh, Callie and Lena are in cahoots!  And I love that Lena told Callie she should have fought for her.

We Only Have One Gay Man on Our Family Plan/Boy, You Mean:  Oh, Jude.  Moms found out about Pump.  And I am so glad they did.

What If He Raped You?  I am so glad Stef did not shy away from using this word with Jude.  He needed the point driven home about just how bad this could have been.  Especially knowing at least two of their kids have been raped, it’s a very real fear for Moms.  And I loved that Lena said that straight kids get told what to do in these situations, just in case, and if they have questions, parents answer them, but that LGBT kids don’t have anywhere to go to access the same information about themselves and how to be safe.

Informed Off-Campus:  Good, I’m so glad Lena’s making sure Jude and the other kids can get sex ed off campus.

I Overstepped: Yeah, you did, Brandon.  Let’s hope that this time you can sit and observe without putting your hands on kids.  Also, my gut says that in real life if he had knocked over a whole music stand in a room full of autistic kids, their reaction would not be to sit quietly and/or laugh.  (Though some might.)  Most have really sensitive hearing, so a crash like that would be more likely to be upsetting than funny.

All’s Well That Ends Well, Right?  OMG I love Lena telling Monte about how Callie got the seniors to back down (by showing her project off campus!)  So amazing!

How Did Ollie Do Today?/He Had a Really Big Breakthrough.  He Laughed.  You Can Thank Brandon.  He’s The One That Made It Happen/Thank You:  Okay.  This just feels gross.  A nondisabled person crediting another nondisabled person with a disabled child’s emotional response.  The truth is, we don’t know if Ollie was laughing at Brandon or at something else entirely.  The fact that Grace is so quick to make it about Brandon and give him the credit for something Ollie naturally did (because he’s a human being with a full emotional spectrum) is all kinds of repulsive to me.

Not to mention that Ollie is literally standing right there while his mom is hugging Brandon for making Ollie laugh.  While the three of them are talking about what a big breakthrough moment he had by laughing.  How totally ostracizing.  (And do we notice that Ollie is fine when his mom touches him on the shoulder?  Further proof that autistic kids can be touched, just not by strangers without their consent.)

I can’t say enough how gross this whole scene made me feel.  Tara said it last week: Our existence as disabled people is often about how we make nondisabled people feel.  And it even extends to this: to nondisabled people taking credit for the most natural and human responses given by an autistic child.  Seriously, if a neurotypical child were sitting in that beanbag, and Brandon knocked down the music stand and he laughed?  Would anybody be crediting Brandon for that?  Or would they talk about what happened in music class with that kid?  Instead, they talk about Ollie, like he is not even in the room, except at the very end when Grace says goodbye to him.

The Goal is to Connect With Them, and to Help Them Connect with Their Own Feelings. That’s What You Did For Ollie Today.  You Should Feel Really Good About That:  You know what, Grace?  You should recognize that Ollie is a human being.  And that he connects to people in his own way.  And that he has all the feelings everybody else has.  As @rampyourvoice has said: “Your feel-good does not supersede my personhood!”

I Don’t Wanna Hurt Mike, But I Feel Like It’s Worse If I Hurt My Brother: That’s the struggle, isn’t it AJ?

Are You Going to Art School?  Ooh, Callie, this would be great for you!  Assuming you don’t go to prison...

I’m Done. Piano’s Too Hard:  Brandon literally gets between Jesus and Emma in these piano scenes.  How annoying.  And in my opinion, Brandon is overstepping with the whole “music as therapy” thing.  He has no training.  Randomly deciding to change keys reeks of someone on a power trip after being told that he helped a kid have a feeling, as Tonia mentioned.  

Brandon has no regard for what an arbitrary change like this might mean for Jesus.  He can play the song in one key.  He is still playing piano, still using his right hand.  And then, he is told to do it differently.  Change needs to be introduced gradually, as anything outside of the ordinary will have Jesus’s brain spinning in an effort to catch up.  We know he gets easily overwhelmed for that reason.

And once again, neither Brandon or Emma take Jesus seriously when he says he is done.  

You Need to Calm Down, or You’re Going to Have a Seizure:  Jesus breaks a glass after Brandon says this.  Why?  Because it is an attempt to placate Jesus’s legitimate anger.  Brandon is patronizing him, treating him like a child in front of his girlfriend.  AGGRESSION is communication the family takes seriously.

Brandon, Mariana, Upstairs.  Hey.  Look at Me.  Look at Me.  Emma, Jesus Needs a Rest I Think You Should Go.  Hey.  Calm Down, Okay?  Calm Down, Love:    Stef is clearing everyone else out here, which is needed, but when she talks to Jesus, we don’t see his face.  We see Mariana’s face.  We see Brandon’s face.  We see Emma’s face.  We don’t see Jesus connecting, or not connecting with Stef, and I would have loved to see that moment.  We haven’t seen anybody ride out these moments with Jesus.  Usually, he breaks something and they look horrified or Lena leaves.  In a moment that, to me, is so clearly about them connecting, to not get to see them connect just feels like a real opportunity was missed here.

Also notable is that Jesus is so overwrought and/or exhausted here that he is literally using every ounce of his strength to remain standing.  He clings to his anger like a shield while tracking Emma’s progress out the door.  And when she (and the rest) leave him?  He physically collapses and breaks down.

It has been a day or so and I just watched this scene again.  What struck me this time was how much I love the Adams Foster moms’ way of handling it when one of their adopted kiddos are out of sorts. In any other home, I feel like it would be standard to send the overwrought kid to their room to cool off.  But kids who have been in the foster system and/or who have been adopted at an older age can view being sent to their room as another rejection: Mom doesn’t want to see me.  Mom doesn’t want to deal with me.  Mom doesn’t want me.

So, I love that instead, Stef clears everyone else out and gives Jesus privacy here.  I love that she stays with him.  That she touches him and asks for eye contact.  She doesn’t let his upset deter her from being physically close to him.  She shows him, via her reaction, that she is capable of handling whatever he is feeling.  I think it’s a combination of all these factors (privacy, eye contact, and physical contact) that let Jesus feel safe enough to break down.

Oh, Baby.  Talk to Me:  I do appreciate how Stef clears the rest of the kids out of the room before attempting to speak with him further.  And when Stef says, “Talk to me,” Jesus replies, “I don’t know.”  Stef chooses this moment to pause and listen, when Jesus is overwhelmed past the point of words, and it’s just heartbreaking.

And Stef says talk to me, but we don’t hear what he has to say.  We only see Jesus fall apart because that’s pitiful.  That’s sad.  That’s expected.  The show has made clear thus far that how Jesus is actually feeling and why is irrelevant because what matters is how Jesus’s feelings affect Stef, and Brandon, and Mariana and Emma.  (Lena, apparently is so overwhelmed by Jesus that she was not seen with him at all this episode, except at dinner, when she sat by him and cut his meat.)  

Is It True?  I Saw The Way You Were Looking at Her:  I cannot say enough how much I love and appreciate that everytime we see Mariana’s reactions to Jesus, they are not, “He’s freaking out because of the brain injury” but some variation of “His feelings are valid.”  His reactions are never overblown to her, because she sees the same things he does, and to her, Jesus’s feelings are always legitimate.

Emma’s Pregnant!/She’s Not Pregnant...Anymore:  Oh, wonderful.  So glad now Mariana knows about this, too, and Jesus still doesn’t :(  (Note: This is meant as sarcasm.)  Yes, and notice that the show made the choice to follow Brandon and Mariana here, instead of staying with Jesus and Stef.

They Wouldn’t Let Ana Move In As Long As Mike Was Fostering You, But Now That Won’t Be an Issue: Uh-oh, Elena.  I don’t think AJ knew that part yet.  I bet it makes moving in with Ty even more appealing. :(

We’re Going to Trial:  Of course.  Because Callie just had interest in her art from a great art school so of course they are going to trial.  Because Callie can’t have any nice things.  (Sarcasm again.)

For more: Fosters Recaps