#ppl are too comfortable deciding what someone else is even against their own objection.

[kuromi-hoemie]

something something top shortage but you only let like 5 types of tops exist and call everyone else a bottom

[cryptid-crawly]

@ameliajessicawilliamspond suggested a dinluke ficlet where Luke has an aversion to the cold/snow. This is the result?

Din & Luke go to an ice planet in the outer rim for a small mission. Luke seems...off. Warnings for descriptions of trauma, PTSD/panic attacks, and dead bodies (ppl and tauntauns).

The mission was simple and Din didn’t need to come along. Luke had reminded him of this repeatedly, a slight edge to his voice that was more characteristic of his twin sister than the usually calm Jedi. And Din wanted to bite back with his own aggression, but a voice in the back of his head (one suspiciously similar to that of the Armorer’s) told him that we don’t abandon Clan when they need help...even if their way of asking for help is counterproductive. So Din decided to come along. After all, Luke didn’t forbid him from joining in, he just said he wasn’t needed.

And okay, maybe Din was giving Luke a little bit of the silent treatment on the hyperspace flight over, but he’d decided that his primary job was to be there for Luke, not to force Luke to spill his emotions. It was just convenient that his personal objective aligned with his desire to pout.

Sitting in the cockpit of the scrap of junk he’d managed to get his hands on, Din wondered if he had ever been so willing to put up with someone else’s emotions before. When—in the time since he’d given up his son to Luke, met Luke again by chance, and started regularly going on assignments together—had he begun to think of Luke as Clan? More importantly, what was so bad about a simple recon mission to a nowhere ice planet? Land on Eredenn IV, locate the abandoned Imp base, decide if any of the hard drives were functional and if they contained the right information. In, out, no shooting required.

A single, hoarse scream pieced the air, breaking his thoughts. Without hesitation, Din jumped to his feet, hand instinctively on his blaster, and rushed to the small sleeping cabin on the ship. The voice that screamed was distinctly Luke’s, which didn’t make any sense because 1) Luke was supposed to be resting and 2) he didn’t scream in his sleep.

Heart pounding, Din jammed the button to open the cabin door and ground his teeth together in anticipation. Even a few seconds was too long.

“I’m fine,” Luke’s voice met him before the door could finish sliding open.

“Nightmare,” he answered Din’s unspoken question.

There, on the little cot that took up the majority of the cabin’s space, Luke was laying down and blinking his blurry, unfocused eyes. His face was flush, hair sticking up everywhere, and every inch of his exposed skin was coated in a thin layer of sweat. Kicking his legs, Luke tried to untangle himself from the womp rat’s nest the sheets had become, and Din moved quickly to help him. Only after they successfully rearranged the sheets over Luke did the lines of tension in the man’s muscles ease in the slightest.

Din stared down at Luke, tucked in cozy like a foundling, and said, stupidly, “I didn’t know you had nightmares.”

Of course Luke had nightmares, everyone had nightmares. Mentally reprimanding himself, Din searched for something else to say. Something to help Luke feel human and not like a glorified idol, meant to save the entire galaxy no matter the cost to himself. Like a being that can’t suffer their own pains, that must be infalible.

“I have them. About droid attacks, usually. Or being unable to save Grogu,” Din offered in a soft voice.

Luke stared up at him with his blue, blue eyes and made a little noise of sadness, but said nothing in response.

Din was alright with that.

Carefully, he eased himself to the floor, maneuvering his body to fit in the tight space beside the cot, and leaned against the mattress. Making sure Luke was watching, and could therefore react if he wasn’t comfortable, he took the man’s gloves hand into his own.

“I should rest too. Before we arrive, I mean. Hope you don’t mind.”

Luke stared at him for a moment before closing his eyes. He seemed to sleep peacefully.

~*~

Eredenn IV was cold as fuck and although it had a few decent settlements, the base they were looking for was in the middle of nowhere. Just to make their lives harder, the terrain around the base was uneven and unstable, meaning that they had to land Din’s rust bucket some ways off and walk. While his armor had a heating function, he couldn’t help but worry for Luke. After adjusting the controls on his vembrace, he turned to study the Jedi, who was still donning himself with additional layers.

“Have enough robes, Master Jedi?” Din tried.

Instead of giving his usual pity chuckle (which he gave whenever Din made “decidedly sad attempts at humor”—Leia’s words, not Din’s), Luke only looked up for a brief moment and then returned to his clothes. Letting out a soft sigh, Din walked over and leant a hand. Automatically, Luke dropped his arms and let Din go to work adjusting the cloaks. It was under this pretense of being frustrated at Luke’s lack of timeliness that Din took his opportunity to voice what had been on his mind since they arrived.

“You can stay here if you want. It’s a simple mission. I can be quick.”

A gloved hand reached up and wrapped itself around Din’s wrist. Even without a skin-to-skin connection, he could feel the warmth radiating from Luke at the point where their hands touched.

“It’s alright. We’ll go together.”

Luke’s words sounded sincere, but he did not meet Din’s eyes.

“Are you sure? Something seems...”

He didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Off? Wrong? As though Luke had done a complete 180 and become a different person?

Luke lifted his head up at that so he could look Din in the visor.

“Let’s get going and I’ll tell you a bit about it. Fair warning, it’s another one of my ‘crazy stupid war stories.’”

This was said with his usual mirth and offered with a smile. A smile, Din noticed, which didn’t reach Luke’s eyes.

Pulling away he simply nodded. At least it was progress.

~*~

He should’ve known it was a ploy—a load of bantha shit. The first thing Din noticed when they descended the ship’s ramp was how tense Luke became, which was saying something considering how tense he was before they even landed on the planet. Din had once heard that a human being can shatter their own bones if they contracted their muscles to their limit, and suddenly he was worried he’d witness this phenomenon first hand.

The second thing he noticed was the wind. Not only was Eredenn’s weather cold, it was cruel. The wind tore through the air, shrieking as it met the metal of his amor. It reminded him of an old Mandalorian phrase, “to rain knives,” although the phrase itself was obviously not about literal weather. Had it been, Din thought it would’ve been created just for this planet’s wind. The ferocity of the air cut through all his layers, making it so they felt rendered useless, and it seemed to compete with gravity to see which force could best knock Din down. Above all, it was loud. A banshee personified. This planet would not only slice you open and freeze you to death, it would make you listen to unholy screams as it did so.

There was no possible way they could talk while out in the open.

Din clenched his teeth and pushed on.

After some time, he noticed Luke was shaking. Of course, they’d both been shaking since the moment they’d stepped off the ship, but this was different somehow. One glance at Luke’s face and Din knew this was something more serious (and somehow, more sinister) than the cold. Luke was sweating.

Careful to retain his balance in the face of the violent wind, he positioned himself closer to Luke. There was nothing he could say, the weather made sure of that, but Din knew you’d be a fool to believe verbal communication was all that mattered. Reaching out, he clasped Luke’s hand into his own. Snapping his head suddenly, Luke stared at him, expression that of a man that’s suddenly pulled from a far off place. And then the corner of his lips softened slightly and he grabbed back. They walked like that the rest of the way to the base.

~*~

“Hoth.”

Din almost winced at Luke’s voice. It was rough, like how it had sounded the night before, and unexpected. They’d been safely inside the empty carcass of the base for a few minutes and had spent that time in silence.

Silently, Din turned away from the broken panel he’d been analyzing and focused on Luke.

“After we destroyed the Death Star—the first one—we moved our base to Hoth.”

“An ice planet,” Din hummed. Things were starting to fall into place.

“An ice planet,” Luke nodded, that same not-smile on his face as before. The one that didn’t reach his eyes.

“It was...odd for me. I wasn’t used to the cold. But it wasn’t really a problem, not until...”

Luke trailed off and Din froze, unsure what to do. But then he remembered when he was just a foundling, scared and scarred and feeling hopelessly loft. Then, an older kid—her name was Lya—had sat next to him and gently whispered that he could talk if he want or be quiet if he didn’t, and she’d sit with him either way. So like Lya, Din stepped forward and placed a hand on Luke’s shoulder and offered what little he could.

“You don’t need to talk about it. If you don’t want to. But if you do, I’ll listen.”

Luke looked up at him and offered a soft, sad smile. It wasn’t his not-smile, as it wasn’t an attempt to conceal the sadness that so often lurked in the depth of the man’s eyes. It was more genuine than that, and Din wished to all the stars in the galaxy that he could take away Luke’s pain.

“Thank you,” Luke said and then closed his eyes.

A deep breath later, and he seemed to have regained some stability. Some determination.

“Let’s keep looking. I think I’ll...I’ll continue.”

Din nodded, and they moved back into the halls.

“I got caught in the storm by a wampa. Big beast, native to Hoth. Extremely aggressive.”

Having seen several images of wampas before, Din couldn’t help but wince.

“It strung me up on the ceiling of its...I guess you would call it a burrow? Den maybe? Whatever, it was a cave. When I came to I was upside down and my poor tauntaun was...”

Luke wrinkled his nose. It was cute, silly even, despite the sad subject matter, but all Din wanted to do was wrap his arms around Luke and hold him. Logically, he understood that no matter how traumatic the event was, Luke was still alive. Whole and breathing. But even hearing the story made his heart race.

“I got away. My lightsaber was with me and unless that wampa had a stash of beskar it really had no chance once I got it back in my hands. Funny enough, I always forget the wampa thing happened. That part is always skipped over in my dreams. It’s the cold. I dream of being stranded and that endless, all consuming-“

Luke’s voice suddenly caught off and Din snapped to attention.

Looking through the doorway they’d come to he saw a mess of a room. The machines lining the walls had the scars of war on them—blaster marks bloodstains and all. Most looked completely unsalvagable, likely indicating that their mission was a bust, but Din didn’t think the electronic mess was what had caught Luke’s eye. No, it had to be the bodies.

At first, they stood frozen just outside the doorway, which itself was wrecked, sliding doors pulled open and warped just enough that a man could squeeze through. And Din wondered why this time, this scene, slammed into Luke and halted him in his tracks. Surely the Jedi had seen the dead before. Not surely, certainly. They’d gone on too many missions together to deny it.

Carefully watching Luke out of the corner of his eye, it dawned on Din. He was wearing a helmet, and Luke wasn’t. He’d taken what face protection he had off the moment they’d found reprieve from the storm. Which meant that Luke could smell the air.

While there hadn’t been heating in the base for a very long time, it was still warmer in there than it was outside. And dead bodies decay.

Turning fully to Luke, he saw that the man was crying. Silent tears slipped down his face as he stared, unmoving, at the scene before them. Without another thought, Din brought his palms up to Luke’s cheeks and gently moved his head so that the only thing in his field of view would be Din’s helmet. Beneath his gloved hands, Din could feel that Luke was trembling.

“What do you need?” Din asked.

He was not expecting for Luke to run.

Back down the hallway they came, around the corner and out of sight, Luke ran. Only a moment passed before Din’s thoughts caught up with his senses and he tore after the Jedi. Briefly, he lost track of his friend, but the base was quiet and empty, and Din was sure that doors didn’t sob.

Standing in front of a thin, out of the way door that likely slid open to reveal a storage closet of sorts, Din stopped and stepped forward. Lowering himself to a crouch, he spoke loud enough so that Luke could hear him.

“Luke,” he called.

“I’m sorry,” Luke managed to get out between sobs. “I’m sorry, please go. I’ll deal with this.”

Din paused, attempting to find the right words.

“You don’t have to deal with this alone, Luke.”

Muffled sobs filled the space between them, and then, “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

Din thought, choosing his response carefully.

“Then I won’t. See you, I mean. I bet there’s a light in there, is it off?”

A hesitant “yeah” was the only reply.

“Good. I’ll close my eyes and come in and we can just sit. Okay?”

There was no reply that time.

“Is that okay, Luke? I won’t come in without your permission.”

A brief pause and then, “Okay.”

“Okay,” Din echoed and then stood up.

Placing his finger over the button to open the door, but not pressing it just yet, Din announced that he was coming in. And then he closed his eyes, opened the door, and felt his way forward.

Sure enough, the space was nothing more than a closet, and definitely hadn’t been designed with the comfort of fitting two adult men inside. Even so, Din shut the door behind him and did his best to comfortably sit himself on the ground next to Luke.

“I’m going to put my arm around you, is that okay?”

Luke didn’t say anything, but he did immediately lean in, and Din accepted that as a yes.

Wrapped around Luke, he sat in the darkness, the only sound their breaths. Luke’s gasps for air slowly settled until his breathing matched Din’s. It was some time after that when he spoke.

“Han saved me.”

Din gave Luke’s arm a reassuring squeeze.

“He cut open his tauntaun so I wouldn’t freeze to death. I still remember what it feels like. The smell of something dead encasing me. I wasn’t really conscious then, but I remember.”

It was a lot to process, just hearing Luke’s trauma. It was a lot. And Luke was a lot. And suddenly Din got the urge to remove his helmet and so he did, not questioning his instincts for a second. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he realized that it should’ve been hard. A big, serious, difficult decision. But it wasn’t. His helmet was off and that was that.

He pressed their heads together, warmth spreading out from his temple where his skin touched Luke’s.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? There was an awful battle just after that. We were outnumbered. Outgunned. I thought we were going to die and the Rebellion would be over. But...but I don’t dream of that. I dream that I am alone in the cold, dying with each passing moment—surrounded by the flesh of the dead.”

Turning his head, he pressed a single, careful kiss to Luke’s own temple, and tightened his embrace around the man.

“You shouldn’t have had to live through that.”

Din’s own voice sounded foreign to him, impossibly soft. Like a stranger’s voice. A strange voice coming from some unseen man in that dark, unreal place that they’d found themselves in. But no, it was his voice. And that was okay. Everything was going to be okay, and he’d say as much.

“You’re not alone anymore, I promise.”

[skystonedclouds]

So, I usually find comfort in God but I have this recurring problem where when I think about Hell and the fact that God sends people there to be tortured eternally I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good and I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert. Do you have any advice for overcoming this? I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?

Dear anon,

A) Cruel or just.

“I just can't wrap my head around the idea that sending ppl to hell could ever be just rather than cruel. Is this just me?”

A lot of people feel this way usually it’s the unconverted who do not see the magnitude of the evil sin. A person is usually saved (not always) when they notice they are a totally depraved sinner that cannot stop sinning without divine intervention. The name “Jesus” was attributed to Christ because He promised to save His people from their sins not just from hell. In this life the freedom from sin comes gradually through sanctification. In an instant of the twinkling of an eye the saved will be made with new bodies that cannot sin. Not being able to see the reason for hell simply comes down to not being able to see the magnitude of evil in sin. 

1. Who do we sin against?

Is it worse to curse a bug or a human? Is it worse to hate bugs or people? Is it worse to kill a bug or a human. In one way the reason sin is so bad is because God’s worth is far above our worth. The angels are before Him saying “Holy, Holy, Holy” every day with their eyes covered unable to even look upon Him. We are made in the image of God while God is Himself the one we are created to look like. How about this... Is it worse to burn a picture of someone or to burn that person? Maybe if we had a better grasp of the infinite worth and honor due of God we would see the magnitude of our evil. The extend of evil can be measured by the worth of the victim (be it picture, plant, bug, human or God). 

Psalm 51:4 I have sinned against you—only against you— and done what you consider evil. So you are right in judging me; you are justified in condemning me.

1 Samuel 2:25 If anyone sins against someone else, God can defend the one who is wrong; but who can defend someone who sins against the Lord?” But they would not listen to their father, for the Lord had decided to kill them.

The devil likes to blind us to the worth and beauty of God. This has been his ploy since he cannot kill God. Instead it’s easier to destroy people’s perception of Him.

2. Is the punishment disproportionate?

It is normal for us to think it too severe if we have a man-centered worldview. Hell tears this humanistic down to see we are not the most important. Many have fancies the idea of aliens and the idea that we are insignificant and meaningless atomic arrangement. That drops to the opposite extreme of the supremacist of man. We are not worthless nor we are not most important. We view sin from the horizontal plane instead of both the horizontal and the vertical. In the bible Joseph did not ask “how can do do this sin against this man by sleeping with his wife?” instead he asked “how can I do this sin before God”. David was not sad he killed a man but that he sinned before God. I previously explained the way we sin against God.

Hell wakes us up to the fact it’s not all about us. We have made God into some man-centered image. So many people want to see God as a genie to see what God can do for them. They think God to be their servant who must come at their beckoning to answer prayers, make them rich, make them successful or so on. Some people literally say “pray for me I don’t think I have gotten all the blessings I can”. The mindset of so many people is how God can serve them. This is how people come up with the prosperity gospel where they think God just wants them successful, famous, rich, wealthy and healthy. The doctrine of hell it comes to the conscious to remind us that we cannot manipulate or minimize this Holy God. We can look to God for provisions but it must be done to His glory not our own.

3. What is the extend of evil?

The problem of sin goes much deeper than one might initially assume. Right now God is by His common grace restraining some of the evil in every one of us. In hell the restraints come off and people are their maximal possible evil without a conscious to keep them in check. God gave us our conscious to put a limit on human evil but once judgment day comes and we are at no risk of harming anyone all the evil will be demonstrated. In hell everything suppressed by our conscious will be unleashed and we will demonstrate the full extent of evil in our hearts. So much is the evil in the hearts of men that most people would never shown their face again if their thought life was projected from everyone to see. The sheer fact that we sin and have to battle not to think or do worse evil gives us just a taste of the evil within our hearts (and that is still restrained). The conscious is a gift from God to minimize evil on earth. This sin in the heart will only grow and last forever in hell.

2 Thessalonians 2:7 The Mysterious Wickedness is already at work, but what is going to happen will not happen until the one who holds it back is taken out of the way.

Proverbs 20:27 The Lord gave us mind and conscience; we cannot hide from ourselves.

Titus 3:11 You know that such people are corrupt, and their sins prove that they are wrong.

4. The cross.

We cannot even begin to comprehend “my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”. On the cross Christ bore the wrath of God the Father against sin. Christ wasn’t sweating drops of blood and feeling like He may die because of the roman cross. He was overwhelmed by the wrath of His own Father crushing Him. He still suffered it all on our behalf to offer salvation for anyone who will allow Him to take their place. 

B)  Is God good?

“I start to get this nagging doubt in the back of my mind about whether or not He is truly good”.

What do you mean when you say good? Jonathan Edwards wrote on hell:

I shall use only one argument, viz. that sin is heinous enough to deserve such a punishment, and such a punishment is no more than proportionable to the evil or demerit of sin. If the evil of sin be infinite, as the punishment is, then it is manifest that the punishment is no more than proportionable to the sin punished, and is no more than sin deserves. And if the obligation to love, honor, and obey God be infinite, then sin which is the violation of this obligation, is a violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. If God be infinitely worthy of love, honor, and obedience, then our obligation to love, and honor, and obey him is infinitely great. Our obligation to love, honor, and obey God being infinitely great, sin is the violation of infinite obligation, and so is an infinite evil. Once more, sin being an infinite evil, deserves an infinite punishment. An infinite punishment is no more than it deserves. Therefore such punishment is just, which was the thing to be proved. There is no evading the force of this reasoning, but by denying that God, the sovereign of the universe, is infinitely glorious.

I am to show that it is not inconsistent with the mercy of God, to inflict an eternal punishment on wicked men. It is an unreasonable and unscriptural notion of the mercy of God, that he is merciful in such a sense that he cannot bear that penal justice should be executed. This is to conceive of the mercy of God as a passion to which his nature is so subject that God is liable to be moved, and affected, and overcome by seeing a creature in misery, so that he cannot bear to see justice executed: which is a most unworthy and absurd notion of the mercy of God, and would, if true, argue great weakness. - It would be a great defect, and not a perfection, in the sovereign and supreme Judge of the world, to be merciful in such a sense that he could not bear to have penal justice executed. The Scriptures everywhere represent the mercy of God as free, and not that the exercises of it are necessary, as if that God cannot bear justice should take place. The Scriptures abundantly speak of it as the glory of the divine attribute of mercy, that it is free in its exercises, and not that God cannot but deliver sinners from misery.

It is most absurd also as it is contrary to plain fact. For if there be any meaning in the objection, this is supposed in it, that all misery of the creature, whether just or unjust, is in itself contrary to the nature of God. For if his mercy be of such a nature that a very great degree of misery, though just, is contrary to his nature... And then a less degree of misery is contrary to his nature, and a still less degree of misery is contrary to his nature. And so the mercy of God being infinite, all misery must be contrary to his nature, which we see to be contrary to fact. Mercy would be contrary to the nature of God if justice was contrary to the nature of God.

However strong such kind of objections against the eternal misery of the wicked, may seem to the carnal, senseless hearts of men, as though it were against God's justice and mercy, yet their seeming strength arises from a want of sense of the infinite evil, odiousness, and provocation there is in sin. Hence it seems to us not suitable that any poor creature should be the subject of such misery, because we have no sense of anything abominable and provoking in any creature answerable to it. If we had, then this infinite calamity would not seem unsuitable. For one thing would but appear answerable and proportionable to another, and so the mind would rest in it as fit and suitable, and no more than what is proper to be ordered by the just, holy, and good Governor of the world.

That this is so, we may be convinced by this consideration, viz. that when we hear or read of some horrid instances of cruelty, it may be to some poor innocent child or some holy martyr - and their cruel persecutors, having no regard to their shrieks and cries, only sported themselves with their misery - we have a sense of the evil of them, and they make a deep impression on our minds. Hence it seems just, every way fit and suitable, that God should inflict a very terrible punishment on persons who have perpetrated such wickedness. It seems no way disagreeable to any perfection of the Judge of the world. We can think of it without being at all shocked. The reason is that we have a sense of the evil of their conduct, and a sense of the proportion there is between the evil or demerit and the punishment.

Just so, if we saw a proportion between the evil of sin and eternal punishment, i.e. if we saw something in wicked men that should appear just as eternal misery appears dreadful (something that should as much stir up indignation and detestation, as eternal misery does terror), all objections against this doctrine would vanish at once. Though now it seem incredible, [and] though when we hear of such a degree and duration of torments as are held forth in this doctrine and think what eternity is, it is ready to seem impossible that such torments should be inflicted on poor feeble creatures by a Creator of infinite mercy. Yet this arises principally from these two causes: 1. It is so contrary to the depraved inclinations of mankind, that they hate to believe it and cannot bear it should be true. 2. They see not the suitableness of eternal punishment to the evil of sin. They see not that it is no more than proportionable to the demerit of sin.

It is reasonable that they should be sensible of their own guilt, and should remember their former opportunities and obligations, and should see their own folly and God's justice. - If the punishment threatened be eternal annihilation, they will never know that it is inflicted. They will never know that God is just in their punishment. And how is this agreeable to the Scriptures, in which God threatens, that he will repay the wicked to his face, Deu. 7:10. And to that in Job 21:19, 20.

By the end... If you mean good as in “He is unable execute justice if people suffer and must save everyone” then he does not fit your definition. God is however “unable to” look upon sin (by His nature). 

Habakkuk 1:13 Thou art of purer eyes than to behold evil, and canst not look on iniquity: wherefore lookest thou upon them that deal treacherously, and holdest thy tongue when the wicked devoureth the man that is more righteous than he?

Meanwhile... if you mean God cannot sin, He cannot lie, He cannot break a promise, He is Holy, He is just, He delights to show mercy and He does love, He is wishing for reconciliation... Yes God is good.

C) False convert or not.

“I'm worried this means I'm not really saved and I'm a false convert”. Well let’s just start with a simple fact. Whether or not you are saved or not does not matter if you turn to God now in faith. God says “also now” and that today is the day of salvation (if you are not saved).

Joel 2:12-13 Therefore also now, saith the Lord, turn ye even to me with all you  heart, and with fasting, and with weeping, and with mourning: And rend your heart, and not your garments, and turn unto the Lord your God: for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and repenteth him of the evil.

James 4:9-10 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.

Ezekiel 33:11 Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel?

2 Chronicles 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

Deuteronomy 30:19 I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live.

Now I cannot tell you if you are a false convert or not since I do not know you. I can just say God made all the promises listed above and that He does not lie. I have never been disappointed by the promises of God. He is the one I trust the most above anyone. I have faith in Him and every time I stepped out in faith He came through. 

The good news is you don’t need “Holy Spirit conviction” to be saved. That is you do not need to fully grasp your sin in order to be saved. One is saved by faith alone in the finished works of Christ not their level of faith or assurance. It’s who you trust not how much or how well you trust. A sturdy bridge is just as sturdy for the fearful person as the courageous one. 

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You may be sad that you seem to either have little faith or assurance not knowing which one (at least right now). In that you doubted God’s trustworthiness. It’s called faith because you do not see His trustworthiness but you’re willing to “take a leap of faith”. Sometimes the assurance part comes after and you just have to step out and trust Him. My only advice can be to have faith. 

It does help to develop a relationship with God to know Him. Prayer, sermons, testimonies and the bible can all help get to know God and his trustworthy promises. It’s easier to trust someone you know more. Feel free to see more on the gospel.

Let me know if you want anything else. Such as recommended sermons, more depths, good testimonies, parables or so on.

God bless!