#preferably id communicate rather than just dipping and hoping theyd hate me too much to care
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why did i have the most delayed reaction to a heartbreaking event in my life ever
#despot vents#i cut off my best friends 2 months ago#and back then i was fine#but now suddenly 2 months later its like theyre all i can think about#i think im going crazy#i can't stop loving them i physically can't. but i will never be loved back bc i tried to make sure they hated me before i left#im in love w self sabotage 😎#i know they hurt me i know i cant trust them again . but if i could go back in time and change one thing#i would make sure things didnt end the way they did#preferably id communicate rather than just dipping and hoping theyd hate me too much to care#(...and then feeling pain bc of the thought of them actually hating me . love my contradictory brain)#or yknow. preferably id make sure things never ended at all#sometimes i think it might be better if i were alone#like if nobody had to put up w whatever i have going on and i didnt have any friendships to ruin . thatd be a win win situation i think#sorry for being depressing ^_^ im going to go play video game now
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