#ps i have been imagining gabe listening to this song as he rides in the backseat of his car staring out a rainy window over the city

[wackus-bonkus-maximus]

...Yeah I've got another song rec here. This time for Gabriel. I originally thought of this for Felix, but he's not penitent enough for it to fit. I'm pretty sure Gabriel is. What I've Done by Linkin Park.

In this farewell There's no blood, there's no alibi 'Cause I've drawn regret From the truth of a thousand lies

Gabriel recognizes everything he's done wrong, the harm he knowingly caused through his actions, the lies he told, both to Adrien and to himself. He's not trying to come up with excuses anymore. He's seen the thousand lies he's told, and has seen them AS lies, since he's been put in Adrien's shoes these last few years - as well as watching Adrien explicitly suffer from actions that aren't entirely out of the realm of what he's done to Adrien before, it's just that now, Adrien knows about them.

So let mercy come and wash away

What I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done

Gabriel wants to face his past actions, his past self, the harm he caused, his thought process behind doing so, why he thought it was justified at the time. He's disgusted by his own actions, having seen someone else inflict them on his son through him, and having suffered through being controlled and silenced himself. He wants to erase that version of himself, to let go of what he did, of who he was back then.

Put to rest What you thought of me While I clean this slate With the hands of uncertainty

I think this fits better post Reveal of the twist to Adrien, when he learns that Gabriel hasn't been in control in quite some time, recontextualizing most of his interactions with his father over the past six years. Yet, Gabriel would also own up to who he was, to what he was doing, before. Most of what Adrien thought he did, like using his amok to change his mind about things when he was tired of Adrien's rebellion, forcing him to do what he wants, are things he actually did. He can't clean the slate until that's confirmed.

But he IS trying to clean the slate, to make things right. Has been for a long time, as little as he can do. He's tried to keep Adrien safe for the past six years, as much as possible, and not add to his misery.

For what I've done I start again And whatever pain may come Today this ends I'm forgiving

What I've done I'll face myself To cross out what I've become Erase myself And let go of what I've done

Gabriel's moving forward. I don't think "forgiving" in this case means "absolving himself of the pain of his own actions", but more just not living completely in the past. Trying to make things right, to DO things right this time, however hard and painful that is. To just... be a better person than he was, to the best of his ability. He's no longer the sort of person who would mind control his son for his own convenience, or dictate who his friends are. He's seen that Adrien's far better at making those decisions than he is, and that he doesn't have the right to make them, in any case.

remember when i was beta'ing your fic and i told you my gabe would act differently than yours? now you know why!

isn't it sad that what it took for gabe to realize the horrors he's committed against adrien was lila doing the same thing? and not just to adrien, but to gabriel too?

and now he's penitent and it's too late and it's kind of all his fault. you can't feel bad for him, and he can't feel bad for himself. all gabe knows is, if he could put things right he would.

"What I've done/ I'll face myself/ To cross out what I've become/ Erase myself/ And let go of what I've done" <- i like this stanza for gabriel because that's the only way he can begin to make recompense. he's done evil things, malicious things, has been deeply selfish and short sighted and all because of a skewed sense of entitlement. how to forgive a person like that? how to forgive yourself when you've been like that?