#purely to present to his dying new bestie he found in the WOODS

[riddle-man]

[georgiarynlds]

2019

2019 has been one hell of a year. It’s been 8 months already which has flown by. The months all feel meaningless.

what has felt like an amazing year has turned quite tragic I can’t lie. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything is new, fresh and unexpected. I really do need to start expecting the unexpecting. My life is full of new chapters. Short chapters mostly but also long chapters.

In December 2018 I was a girl who was growing in confidence, I was still quite sure of myself however I was lacking in a lot of self esteem. Looking back, I was very desperate for a boyfriend. Which caught me up in some odd scenario’s- nothing anything bad though, all learning curves.

I told myself in January 2019 that I was going to strive to become the person I wanted to be. I wanted to be healthier, rid myself of the toxic people in my life, adapt myself to being myself- not copying people, get the style I want to express my unique personality. And I did. I slowly saw myself throughout the months change. January was the hardest, but I finally cut myself off from sex, and then slowly the drugs and then the friends.

In October 2018 I befriended Jo Richbell. I had done almost a year beforehand. However, we had not properly gone out we just us two. So on the 26th October we met up and went to poole. Just did the casual window shopping, grab lunch and talk. Because we related so so much!! We understood eachother like nobody. I shared my experiences on my breakup with my first ex and she shared hers. Our exes were best friends, that’s why we bonded so well on the topic. She was like a miracle. It was so cool to have someone who just understood everything like that. I felt so comfortable around her, she was funny and a lot like me too.

We didn’t meet up for a while after that until probably mid December. December was when I first went to Sam Vincent’s house. I can remember getting the bus to Jo’s and walking up that road. It felt like I was walking for hours. We walked through the Lytchett woods to get to Sam’s house who lives in Lytchett Matravers. I knew Sam already, I had spoken to him a lot of times through school as he was good friends with my boy bestie at the time Reece Groombridge. Reece and I didn’t really meet outside of school because he was a little gamer so it was more of an inside school thing. Sam and I never really got on very well so I went into his house quite open minded. Because afterall, I understood Jo so why shouldn’t I be able to get on with Sam. He’s a funny kid.

I remember going in and being a bit overwhelmed by the dogs and all. I was quite astonished in how welcoming Theresa his mum was. I noticed she was instantly one of those people who laughed after every sentence though. Sam’s house is bloody amazing if I’m honest- it’s so nice. Sam has such a cool room. I remember feeling so awkward there at first though. We all were instantly offered hot chocolates. And me being me, I was unsure because I didn’t really like hot chocolate. But I said yes- not to be rude and you never know, I might like it. Now- let me tell you. Theresa does the BEST not chocolates, nobody can say any different. She brews them in cute little costa mugs which she probably stole (she’s a wild woman) and she tops it with whipped cream and little marshmallows. Such nice presentation for it being a home made hot chcolate, better than most I order when I go out. Overall, I don’t remember much about that day apart from the YouTube video we filmed after being force fed candle videos from AbbiesWorld’s YouTube channel. Looking back I feel bad for Sam. Jo, Sam and I didn’t have any inside jokes at that time so for some reason it was mostly taking the mick out of Sam.

Sam obviously didn’t enjoy it and I don’t know why I was so oblivious to seeing that. I’m a caring person and all. However, thinking back I was still friends with the druggie group (which included my first ex) who had quite horrible humour which I had experienced first hand. I just wasn’t thinking. Sam handled it well to be honest, he didn’t stand up for himself nor did he bitch about us. I just don’t think he knew what to do. He would just get stroppy and not speak for ages and walk off. He’s done really well since. I’m so proud of him. He’s changed a lot.

That day started the trio off I guess. Jo, the poser. Georgia, the fat unfunny comedian and Sam the boy everyone adores. It was amazing to have new friends who cared and respected eachother. Even in February we were amazed with everything. We always had the best fucking sleepovers where I’d genuinely piss myself of laughter for the dumbest reasons. I always thought to myself, “why the fuck did I need drugs to have fun? fuck off.” because I hadn’t had this much fun on a daily basis EVER in my life. It wasn’t a magical feeling, it was just pure enjoyment. I savoured it to bits.

I did make a few mistakes a long the way I can’t lie. I talked to boys who I didn’t have much interest in just because I was desperate and then realised why I got myself into. I never shagged anyone, I never fucked anyone over. I was just a bit of a mess, I wasn’t ready for a relationship so thankfully- I never got one.

March in 2019 was a great month. We all had a blast. The biggest thing I remember about it is the vintage sale in Bournemouth. I remember it as such a good day. It was a bit of a weird one but we laughed, got some killer bargains and just got out of our comfort zones. This was also the time where the bullying with Sam died down as we started having inside jokes.

When I say bullying it was nothing really bad. Just making fun of stuff that I can’t even remember now- making up nicknames like angry little man, telling him to stop thumping, ‘thumper’ and so on. I’m just glad we’ve both managed to stop because bless him- he’s a fragile boy. I’ve been there and experienced it and it hurts. I’ve only toughened up because of those insults.

April 2019 was by far the best month. The start of the month I went to London and had gotten the hang of a good edgy style. London was stressful as fuck I must say but the photos I captured were well worth it. It was such a cool experience though- especially for being 14. Mid April this boy and me started talking. I’m mentioning him because he meant a lot to me. And in a way he still does. I do claim to ‘dislike’ him now because I just still see him as such a good person. It’s weird because so many people say negative shit about him saying he’s an attention seeker but I can’t help but feel bad. He was there for me when he could be and now he’s moved on I feel like I can’t be there for him. He’s removed me from his private life and I didn’t want to care but I couldn’t help but feel hurt. I knew this boy on a personal level before his coverup of his ‘normal’ jokey self. I still agree with my points- he’s so gorgeous, generous and funny. But we had a thing which lasted for 2 weeks- basically the whole Easter holiday. He’s the closest to a ‘boyfriend’ I’ve had in a while. We got on so well! Just in the end, he didn’t feel the same way as I did... so on from there we said we’d be friends but we ended up just becoming distant. I had a fat crush on him for ages. It still bugs me sometimes just because his looks are so perfect. The harsh reality is, there’s a lot better people out there than him- he’s just the first boy I found who I fancy who doesn’t grind weed for a living and thrive off of talking about bongs. I still miss him sometimes. It’s dumb, but I do. And if you end up seeing this, I’m sorry for being a dick, I really am. Just know I’m thankful for you and you’re a good person at the end of the day.

Anyways- April meant a lot to me. It wasn’t just roban. Jo, Sam and myself were the brightest we could’ve been anyways. The weather was great and it was Easter. We went out so many times- to the beach, around lytchett, Bournemouth, wareham- so many different wacky adventures where we could just be free and laugh. it was nothing but fun. And I still rewatch the videos taken on those nights and I smile. They really cheer me up.

May was a useless recovery month. Jo started changing. Sam and I grew closer. It was weird. But we were still the same old 3. The only big thing I can remember from May was Tristan’s party near the end of the month. It was my first house party and funnily enough I ended up having to take care of my friend who was pissed out of his mind. He couldn’t control himself so I had to call his mum. It was a stressful night, but it wasn’t the worst experience ever. It was a good sleepover with Sam and jo though. The other thing I can remember about May is me going to the second vintage sale with the boy I liked back in April. I did look at him as a friend then, I basically forced myself. And it worked. I just couldn��t keep it up for long.

June. Exam month. The worst month by far- I was so stressed and I just kept telling myself, after this month I’ll be back to normal, like April and May. I’ll be happy and relieved. Even the first 3 weeks before exams I was stressing and exams lasted for two weeks. The stress started dying down in the end of June on the Belgium trip which was quite shit at times (mainly because of the heat) but it was the biggest laugh. Not just our trio but so many other people share our inside jokes- for example: good day out with my mates, cursed pictures, Adam shitting in food. It’s incredible. However June was the month Jo started changing the most. Sam and I were too stressed to realise at the time and we also started going out with Libbie more. Libbie is a girl who I used to be terrified of basically. She was a chav a few years back but has slowly grown up into a very hated edgy teen who listens to slowthai and lil peep and wants to die. She’s pretty amazing though. Her birthday is on June 7th and she very kindly invited me along with Sam and Jo to her birthday meal in Nando’s. I picked her up a little something because I always feel bad if I don’t get a gift. I didn’t have any idea what she liked so it was pretty shit, but I tried. I thought I was gonna have a shit time but it was pretty fun. Funnily enough the boy I fucking liked from April showed up because he recently was befriending Libbie. At the time I was fine with it. But I found it real weird. Oh and I forgot to mention, jo didn’t come to Nando’s. It wasn’t a big deal though.

This boy started hanging out with Libbie a lot. I didn’t want to care about it but I just did. I never had talked to Libbie seriously about this sort of thing because I was lowkey scared of her still. I never had seen the real serious side, and I still haven’t completely if I’m being honest. But worst things worst I thought that he liked Libbie- and I kinda was just observing it from a distance because I felt if she was a good friend she’d come and talk to me about it. But she didn’t- they kept hanging out, she was in his bed at one point. It really freaked me out. I wanted to have a fat go at him but I was irrelevant now, he didn’t give a shit anymore.

Around a week later I was hanging out with Jo, Sam and Libbie and we went back to Jo’s- (I cant remember for what reason) But basically it was around 6-7pm (roughly) and she needed to go home so she had to walk into Upton. I also needed to get my bus so I offered to walk with her expecting Sam to come. However, Sam said he would say which kinda frazzled me because I never had talked to libbie on her own which freaked me a bit. But we got going and it was actually really fucking good. She asked me. “So what went on with you and him?” And I just felt so relived she was asking. I could finally understand. We conversated about him, and I finally found out that he was just being over attached. They never kissed like we did, they never did anything apart from joke around. In the end, nothing ended up happening.

So, July. I kind of feel horrible saying July isn’t the worst month because something terrible happened. But just overall, June was the most stressful. However, Jo went completely distant. Sam and I would always invite her out but she’d basically instantly decline. We had made a group chat with Libbie and she had asked to meet a lot so we did. The groupchat between Sam, Jo and I ‘fathers day’ was basically left to die for a few weeks.

18th July 2019, Jo starts messaging the groupchat. She’s enquiring about why we never invite her out, shit about how’s she’s such a bad friend- and stuff I’d never expect to hear from her. I ignored it. She’d done this before but not this bad but I just couldn’t take it. Poor Sam was almost battling it for me. He was doing everything he could to calm Jo down. Because I understand how she was feeling but I just didn’t have the mental stregnth to comply with that.

I had to leave the house at 11pm that night. My grandad was dying, it was his last hour- more like last 10 minutes. He died at 23:12 on the 18th. It was really tough being there with my mum that night. I didn’t get home until half 12. I ignored jo. She realised what had happened the following morning. And came to apologise and see if I was okay. Which I appreciate.

I don’t even know why I went into school that day to be honest. I was allowed to stay home. It was the very last day. I just couldn’t bare the thought of so many things I guess, I just needed to concentrate.

Sam and Jo were amazing with comforting me, they seriously were. I couldn’t thank them enough. I just didn’t really know how to bring it up at first- afterall, I’m not the type of person to put RIP NAN 🥺😭😭 on my bio.

After the first half of the month Jo only got more distant. Sam and I were noticing it more. Libbie had kind of taken her place at this point. Which was sad because I missed jo coming out. She’d always want to know when we would go out- she thought she wasn’t good enough because she couldn’t afford it or keep up with us. But then again, she never tried or really showed that in our conversations. She covered it up with anger and accusations.

It was Libbie, Sam and myself now. August was approaching very quickly and we were the go to squad. The summer had started and was passing quite quickly.

I went to Wimborne for the first time, I dip dyed my hair a horrible blue for 12 hours, I had my first proper Wetherspoons, We took the 50 and had many mario kart races. It’s been quite a busy summer as I’m not going on holiday this year. It’s been okay so far.

It’s August now, 18th to be exact- a month since my grandad died. My granny fell tonight. I got back about an hour ago from my gran’s. My mum and I left at 11:15 to walk to hers to help her up. We’re home now, all safe. I’m just glad it wasn’t worse. But it’s hard to watch her struggling so much bless her, I couldn’t imagine what she is going through.

August has been a lot of just Libbie, Sam and I. Jo has basically got some new friends- aka the Corfe Mullen lot. Who don’t get me wrong- some of them are lovely but the rest are complete twats and they’re changing her to be horrible. I feel bad posting this about her but I doubt she’s gonna read it and it’s just honesty and the end of the day. Her humour is getting closer to insulting. But if she’s happy, she’s happy- I can’t do anything about it. People grow out of eachother and learn lessons. Her boyfriend, Spencer is one of those lessons. Let’s just hope she’s still gonna be there in a year. Sam will, Libbie most likely hopefully will, I really hope Jo is but I somehow doubt that.

I’ve gotten back into fitness recently though. I’m on fire when it comes to swimming, today will be my fourth day in a row- an average of an hour a day is pretty darn good. Jo is supposed to be coming with me tomorrow so we’ll see if she bails on that. I’m so determined to get that healthy, fit, in shape body I want and NOW. I’m sick of being the fat friend.

Anyway, this was a mess. I’m sorry if I offended you because I probably love you. Goodnight.