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racmune · 2 years ago

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heyyyy im racmune, i use he/him pronouns. i draw a lot and write fic sometimes! im a weird n i post whatevers :P

my inbox is always open n im pretty friendly, if you wanna send in an ask u dont gotta be shy!

art commissions: CLOSED (subject to change)

dni, excluding what should be obvious: support israel, te(rf), swerf, truscum, exclusionist, etc

i also block very liberally, if you dont fit this criteria n ive blocked you it aint personal

more about me

current hyperfixations: scoutpauling, tf2 :3333

likes include but not limited to: music, anime, fanfiction, video games, chattin w/ buds, sleeping, computers n web design, ftm history, early 2000s aes, n gothic romance

dislikes include but not limited to: rude people, intense unfamiliar tastes n textures ..... uhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk what else tbh

sideblog

@item-query - 90s-00s internet/computers (etc) aes

@silence-and-unmarked-snow - desolation aes?? idk

tag list :P

blacklistable tags (send an ask if you need me to tag a trigger)

#blood

#gore

#unsanitary

#body horror

#flashing lights

#eyestrain

#loud

#unreality

#liminal spaces

#spiders

#tw emetophobia

#fnaf movie - for spoilers

#spto - scott pilgrim anime spoilers

#deadlock - deadlock leaks

personal tags i guess?

#queue - my queue tag, mehh ill make it a pun at some point

#fave - fave posts tag

#favefavefave - super/ult fave posts tag

#andy rambles - my text post tag

#ask - ask tag

#anon - anon tag (non-anons are tagged by username but tooo many to list here)

#tagged/sent - posts sent to me via dm or that ive been tagged in :3

#racmune art - my art tag

#racmune fics - my fic tag

#commissions - art commissions ive done and posts relating to my commissions

#clips - tag for game clips

#scoutposting - my scout tag :3c

#mongusposting - mongus tag

#friend art - art made by friendsss

#trans scout - tag for scout being trans (i dont use this tag as much anymore)

#ftm stuff - tag for ftm related stuff :P history, art, etc

#rule 63 - genderbend tag

#art inspo - tag 4 my art inspiration

#later - tag 4 posts i want to come back to

#gif - gif tag

#gifset - tag 4 posts with more than one gif... this is not what a gifset is but its what ive been using this tag for oops

#stim - stim tag

#mecore - stuff that is genderful.... "MEEEEE"

#important - important posts (i dont use this as much anymore either)

#bangers - posts w over 100 notes :p

#1k - posts w over 1k notes

#2k - posts w over 2k notes

old dtiys

#racdtiys15

#racdtiys16

fandoms/stuff im into

#the scratched universe

#nope 2022

#scream

#rope 1948

#emesis blue

#lil pootis

#uramichi oniisan

#danshi koukousei no nichijou

#cool doji danshi

#math

#poetry

#webweave

#john k samson

#mf doom

#king missile

#re - resident evil

#aphmau

#mlb - miraculous ladybug

#tadc - the amazing digital circus

#paradigm game

#fnaf

#beetlejuice

#brokeback mountain

#i love you phillip morris

#dog day afternoon

#romeos 2011

#wild zero

#portal

#half life

#deus ex

#spiderverse

#the boondocks

#enstars

#hi-fi rush

#legend of zelda

#disco elysium

#scott pilgrim

#brba - breaking bad

#death note

#delta state

#hbomberguy

#jerma

#rtvs - radio tv solutions

#eftf2 - escape from tf2

#bully game

#dungeon meshi

#sally face

#creepypasta

#emh - everymanhybrid

#thief and the cobbler

#ultrakill

#csm - chainsaw man

#gay shame

#deadlock

ship tags

#scoutpauling - scout x miss pauling

#heavymedic - heavy x medic

#freedom fries - soldier x spy

#boots n bombs - soldier x demoman

#scoutcest - scout x scout

#flash fire - scout x pyro

#hop scotch - scout x demoman

#heavyscout - heavy x scout

#pyrosoldier - pyro x soldier

#soldierheavy - soldier x heavy

#helmet party - soldier x engineer

#fruit scones - soldier x medic

#american aviators - soldier x sniper

#soldierpauling - soldier x miss pauling

#demopyro - demoman x pyro

#texas toast - engineer x pyro

#pyropauling - pyro x miss pauling

#burn ward - pyro x medic

#bushfire - sniper x pyro

#pyrospy - pyro x spy

#demoheavy - demoman x heavy

#demoengie - demoman x engineer

#jagerbombs - medic x demoman

#sword van - demoman x sniper

#bomb voyage - demoman x spy

#engieheavy - engineer x heavy

#spoovy - spy x heavy

#science party - medic x engineer

#sniperpauling - sniper x miss pauling

#trucks n vans - engineer x sniper

#bushmed - sniper x medic

#napoleon complex - engineer x spy

#medispy - medic x spy

#adminhale - administrator x saxton hale

#zhannascout - zhanna x scout

#soldierzhanna - soldier x zhanna

#scoutmaspy - scouts ma x spy

#zhannapauling - zhanna x miss pauling

#adminsniper - administrator x sniper

#zhannascoutpauling - zhanna x scout x miss pauling

#tf2 deep fried desire - scout x fried chicken lady

#tf2 lady and the tramp - miss pauling x fried chicken lady

#swing and a missfire - scout x miss pauling x pyro

#engiedemoheavy - engineer x demoman x heavy

#soldierdemozhanna - soldier x demoman x zhanna

#masked mechanic - fixer x jumpsuit (the scratched universe)

#fruit punch - foster x p.rick (the scratched universe)

#purplephone - purple guy x phone guy (fnaf)

#scollace - scott x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#toddallace - todd x wallace (scott pilgrim)

#kowalkins - pete kowalski x jimmy hopkins (bully / canis canem edit)

#gabv1el - gabriel x v1 (ultrakill)

#skylersaul - skyler white x saul goodman (breaking bad)

^other tags 2 be added but tumblr doesnt let me add any more hyperlinks so sorry abt that o_0

#andy rambles

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prince-claremont-diaz · 6 years ago

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Whatever We Become

Summary: In Lucas’ final year of high school before he has to face the real world, he comes across the new identical twins, Eliott and Leo. Needless to say, Lucas falls head over heels for both of them.

Or The twin au absolutely no one asked for

Warnings: brief implied suicidal ideation (at the very end of the chapter)

Ao3 version

AN// I’m so sorry for taking so long to post this, school has been extremely hectic lately and I stupidly kept forgetting to post this until it was the middle of the night

Chapter Seventeen: Running away

The next day during lunch, Lucas was sitting with the other boys when Leo Demaury walked in with Alex and another guy from their year Lucas didn't know the name of. Halfway through taking a sip of his water, Lucas promptly spat his drink all over the table as he choked, eyes widening like saucers. The other three boys all gave him equally shocked faces, trying to move their food out of the spray instinctively.

Yann patted Lucas on the back, raising an eyebrow at his friend as he spluttered and coughed, eyes still glued to the other side of the room. "You okay, man?" Yann asked, half amused and half concerned.

Lucas nodded distractedly, watching Leo walk across the cafeteria towards the lunch queue, heart in his stomach. Arthur looked over his shoulder to see what Lucas was looking at and then his whole face contorted into one of shock and sympathy. He turned back to Lucas, smiling sympathetically and patting his hand across the table.

Yann narrowed his eyes at Arthur's gesture, looking back and forth between the two boys. "Am I missing something here?" Yann asked, putting his knife and fork down and turning sideways to glance at Lucas. Basile watched the scene unfold, water cup halfway to his mouth.

"It's nothing, Yann. Don't worry about it," he mumbled, glancing up to see if Leo was leaving. Instead, he just caught Arthur's eye. He was surprised to find a rather disapproving stare from the normally carefree boy. He sighed, looking away from Arthur. "Fine. Something happened on my date with Eliott on Friday and I found out he's bipolar when Leo came to shout at me because I lost him. And Leo's back apparently but he skipped math first period," Lucas explained, speaking rapidly and stumbling over his words. "That's how I got this," he added, raising his bandaged hand.

Basile's eyebrows raised and he put his cup back down finally, beginning to cut up a bit of his chicken. "Eliott's bipolar?" he said, shoving a piece in his mouth. Lucas nodded. "So is my mum. It's not that bad, usually."

At Basile's sudden casual admittance, the other three boys froze, staring at him in surprise. "Seriously?" Lucas asked, eyes bulging.

Basile nodded. "Oh, yeah. Had it for years. She's actually just fun when she's manic. Once flew to meet Brad Pitt and broke into his house or something," he explained through a mouthful of food, "Almost set fire to our house another time. What did Eliott do?"

"He stole his dad's credit card to rent out a movie theatre and then tried to jump off a bridge."

"He rented out a whole movie theatre just for a date?" Lucas nodded, knitting his eyebrows together in confusion. "Wow, that's awesome! I wish someone would do that for me," Basile exclaimed, splattering more food onto the table as he continued to eat like he hadn't seen food in decades. It was almost putting Lucas off eating.

"Bas, it's not 'awesome,' it's horrible! He could have gotten really hurt," Lucas chastised, scandalised.

"But he didn't."

"But he could have!"

Basile rolled his eyes, putting his cutlery down. "You can't just keep on worrying about the possibility of him getting hurt or you'll drive yourself mad. He didn't get hurt, so don't dwell on it," Basile stated. Lucas gaped at him, blinking. He exchanged confused glances with the other two.

"Did Basile just give good advice?" Arthur teased, sitting up straighter and nudging him in the side with a teasing glint in his eyes. "It must be the Second Coming or the end of the world!" Basile rolled his eyes, scowling. Arthur chuckled, shoulder checking his friend and almost knocking him out of his seat. As per usual, the two boys began full out attacking each other, pushing and shoving and swearing, gaining various looks from people at surrounding tables.

As they watched their friends fighting, Yann tapped Lucas' shoulder, pulling his eyes away to meet his dark brown ones, which were filled with concern still and—and surprisingly—a few tears. Lucas stared at him in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. In an instant, Yann pulled Lucas into another tight hug, knocking the wind out of him and patting him on the back. "Don't you dare go through something alone again, you hear me?" Yann whispered, voice short and breathless, choked up. Lucas nodded, his own eyes welling up with tears as he buried his face in his friend's shoulder. "That's what friends are for, you idiot," Yann added, making Lucas force out a broken laugh.

"I know. I'm sorry," Lucas whispered, holding his friend tighter, breathing shakily.

"Oi, get a room you two. You're both dating other people." Arthur's voice, humourous and light as always, broke the two boys out of their little bubble and they pulled apart. Lucas wiped a stray tear from his lashes using the back of his pointer finger and shared a knowing glance with Yann. He nudged Lucas playfully in the side and then, as if nothing had changed in the atmosphere, as if Leo wasn't staring daggers across the room, they both joined in on Arthur and Basile's meaningless chatter.

◇

That evening, while working on homework next to Manon at the coloc, Lucas felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket. Instantly, he dropped his pen and scrambled to pull his phone out to check who it was. Instead of Leo or even Eliott, however, a message from his mum was staring mockingly up at him, bordered by his lockscreen of him and Yann posing with a skateboard a while back.

Mama: Are you coming for dinner on Thursday?

As if he couldn't be any worse of a son, in the last few weeks of chaos, Lucas had completely forgotten about his mother's birthday.

Lucas: Of course. What time?

Mama: 17h?

Lucas: Sounds good. See you then

As he slid his phone back into his pocket, a feeling of disappointment at both himself and the universe settling on his shoulders, Manon sent him a curious glance, putting her own pen on the table. "Any news yet?" she asked, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his pockets. Since getting home that day, Lucas had confided in Manon more about the situation with Eliott.

Lucas shook his head. "Nope. It was actually a message from my mother," he replied, "I, uh, sorta forgot it's her birthday on Thursday. I'm a horrible son." He read over the message again and scrolled up some more to read other messages. All from his mother. Bible verses and confusing yet loving words. All left on read. Lucas sighed, putting his phone down on the table and burying his face in his hands, shaking his head at himself.

He felt Manon slipping an arm around his waist, resting her head on his shoulder blade where he was hunched over the table. "You're not a horrible son. It's not a crime to forget someone's birthday once." She rubbed her hand up and down his arm in a comforting manner, sending goosebumps all along his arm.

Lucas removed his face from his hands and sat back in his chair, facing Manon with a hopeless expression, tears in the corners of his eyes like glass pools. "But I am. I left her when she needed me most and I never replied to her texts because I never know what to say back," Lucas rambled, blinking back tears to keep the dam intact. "And now in all this mess I even forgot her birthday on top of that. Trust me, Manon, I'm a terrible son."

"Are you going to celebrate with her then?" she asked, clearly choosing to ignore his insistence for the time being. Lucas nodded, chewing on one of his thumb nails. "Then you can make it up to her then. Prove that you're not a horrible son and that you aren't going to run away anywhere." She squeezed his shoulders again, smiling and reaching up to swipe away a tear on his cheek. "You're not running away anywhere, are you?"

Lucas shook his head. "Definitely not. Not anymore."

◇

It was almost seven on Thursday and Lucas was standing on the front step of his old house, dressed in a simple white button down, blue jeans and a navy blazer, carrying a bouquet of lilies. Taking a deep breath, Lucas pressed his thumb on the doorbell.

After a few seconds, he heard the familiar click of the locks in the door and then the familiar smiling face of Colette, his mum's carer, appeared. "Lucas! Hello! Come on in, your mother is coming just now." She stepped aside, holding the door open to allow Lucas to step inside the warm house.

"Lucas?"

Looking up, a broad grin spread across Lucas' face as his mother made her way into the room, smiling fondly. She looked good, dressed in a simple navy v-neck dress and her blonde hair nicely styled to frame her face. She walked over to Lucas, arms open wide, pulling him into a hug. Lucas sighed, wrapping his arms around her and tucking his face in her shoulder, chest tight. He breathed in her familiar scent, allowing it to envelope him after months of lacking it. He missed having this.

"You brought flowers." Once Lucas pulled out of the hug, his mother gestured to the flowers by his side which were now dropping loose petals on the carpet from their embrace. Smiling, she took the flowers from Lucas and put them on the table by the front door to put in a vase later. "Let me get my purse and we can get going."

◇

The restaurant Lucas had picked was a quaint, family-owned Italian restaurant on the corner of a small, mostly empty street. It had a large bottle green awning overhanging various tables and chairs and was lit up by glittering fairy lights. Lucas' heart panged at the sight of the lights, but ignored it in favour of leading his mother inside the restaurant. Thankfully, there were only a few other people eating that night, the room filled with a pleasant hum of conversation and faint bubbling laughter.

The waiter standing to greet them was a handsome Italian-looking boy around Lucas' age, dressed in a white button down and black jeans, a green apron wrapped around his waist and his dark brown hair styled in a curly mess that fell into his eyes. "Welcome to Fratelli's! Have you got a reservation?" the boy asked, shooting Lucas and his mother a charming grin.

"Uh, yeah. It should be booked under Lallemant, I think," Lucas replied, returning the smile politely.

The boy scanned his clipboard in front of him for a moment and then looked back up at them, still grinning. "Here you are. If you'd please follow me." Lucas guided his mother through the maze of chairs and table by linking his arm with hers, occasionally turning to smile at her. Eventually, they reached a small booth laden with a small vase of scarlet flowers Lucas didn't recognise and a couple of off white candle sticks.

Once the waiter was gone, Lucas and his mother fell into a rather awkward silence, the atmosphere around them hesitant and unsure. It had been so long since they had been face to face that neither of them knew quite how to act around the other. Lucas swallowed anxiously, giving his mother another tight lipped smile.

"How have you been lately?" Lucas finally asked, not long after another waiter poured them both glasses of ice water and took their drink orders. He scanned the menu for something relatively affordable, glancing up as he waited for a reply.

"I'm doing much better now. Especially spending my birthday with you tonight," she replied cheerfully, lifting her glass to her lips and taking a long sip. "How are you, dear? How is school? Is there any girl in your life perhaps?" She turned the question back around on him, smiling expectantly at him.

Lucas cleared his throat, feeling a vein in his neck popping somewhere. He took his own gulp of the freezing water, stalling for time, grappling for a vague enough answer. "School is okay. Studying for the bac and going to parties with the guys sometimes," he replied, putting his drink down. "But uhh, no haven't got a, uh, girl in my life, no. I actually—"

Before he could finish, a waitress appeared by their table, dyed red hair tied in a high ponytail and clutching a small notepad. "Are you guys ready to order?" she asked, a broad, fake smile spread across her face. It didn't reach her eyes.

"Uh, I am. You?" Lucas glanced at his mother who replied with a short nod.

They ordered their food and finally, the waitress was wandering away, tucking her notebook into the back pocket of her jeans. As they fell back into silence, Lucas sent out a silent prayer to the universe, to any deities that may be out there, that his mother would be fine with changing the subject off of him and his potential love life.

Clearly, the universe had it out for him.

"What was it you were saying about girls, darling?" Mrs. Lallemant asked, raising her eyebrows to lead him on in his answer. It was then that Lucas recognised his own expression written on her face. Every reminder of just how similar they were pained Lucas to think about it. To think about how he'd left her.

Lucas drew a long breath, shutting his eyes briefly, on the brink once again. He was standing at the edge of a precipice, staring down at a seemingly endless abyss, no idea how far he was about to tumble. Lucas coughed, looking out across the precipice, grappling for the rights words like they were all that kept him from falling to his death. "Well, you see, the thing is… I haven't found a girl—well I don't want a girl because, well," he fumbled, face a furious crimson. He choked once again, wobbling, hand searching blindly for the glass of water to his right. "Because I'm gay."

"And I'm sorry if this ruins your birthday or if you never want to see me again, but yeah. I'm gay," he continued, voice picking up pace along with his heartbeat. His blood rushed in his ears deafeningly loud over the tinny of the restaurant. He had stepped off the edge and time was standing still.

Mrs. Lallemant's eyes softened further and she reached across the table, taking one of his hands, prying his fingers apart. He hadn't noticed how tightly he hand been gripping his hands into fists. "Lucas, my dear dear boy, from the moment I first saw you, I loved everything about you. Everything. I loved your bright beautiful blue eyes and your little giggles and those precious dimples," she said, hand tightening its grip, "I have loved you since the moment I first saw you and absolutely nothing could change that. If you are happiest with another boy, then I will be the happiest woman alive."

And just like that, Lucas landed. The fall he had expected turned into a leap upwards. Lucas squeezed his mother's hand, breathing shaky and tears welling up in his eyes. "You don't mind? Even though the Bible says—" he began, voice quaking.

Mrs. Lallemant cut him off, shaking her head. "I have no reason to judge you for who you are, for who you love, Lucas. I know God made you just as He wanted you to be because I know you. God wants you to be just the way you are and I have no right to change that." She leaned over the table carefully, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead that sent Lucas into a spiral. Just like that, as if her words or her simple affection had broken a dam, Lucas found himself sobbing in the middle of the restaurant. Great fat tears plummeted down his cheeks, relief settling in his chest so much he felt he could explode with it.

A throat cleared beside the table and when Lucas looked up, their waitress was back, carrying two plates of food and looking uncomfortable.

"What happened to your hand?" his mother asked once the waitress was gone and they were both tucking into their dinner. Lucas froze, knife scraping on the plate and making them both jump. He wiped the lingering dampness from his cheeks, sniffling.

"It's okay. I was being dumb. Something happened with a boy I like and I just got a little carried away with my emotions," he admitted, keeping his reply vague. He couldn't bring himself to say much else. Couldn't find it in himself to tell his mother about how he had hurt himself out of sheer frustration.

"You didn't hurt anyone, did you?" she asked. She sounded scared then. Lucas would do anything to keep her from feeling that way again.

Lucas shook his head insistently, grabbing her hand again. "No, mum, don't worry. I couldn't do that." he insisted.

"That boy you liked, does he make you happy? Is he worth getting yourself so hurt like that?"

Lucas thought. He put his cutlery on the plate and looked down at their hands linked across the table. "I would like to think so, yeah."

◇

A little while later, Lucas was in the midst of rambling to his mother about biology, halfway through their shared slice of tiramisu. The atmosphere was lighter than it had been in a long time. Even though he could tell his mother had no idea what he was talking about, was probably only half listening, Lucas felt overwhelmed by the fondness that seemed to drip from her every pore. It had been so long since Lucas had been with his mother and yet he felt like he had finally come home again, despite the initial awkwardness.

Lucas was about to ask his mother another question when he felt his phone buzzing in his back pocket. He ignored it, beginning to ask his mother something before the phone buzzed once again. And again. And again. Lucas sighed, reaching into his back pocket. "I'm sorry, I should probably check this," he apologised, looking down at the screen.

Leo: hey lucas i know we didn't exactly leave off very well but have you seen eliott or know where he might be by any chance?

Leo: we only got back from picking him up a few hours ago and now he's disappeared

Leo: please please call me if you know where he is.

Lucas' eyes bulged out of his skull as he scanned over the messages once, twice, a third time. Eliott was missing again? Where had they been picking him up from? Where was he now? What happened? Why was Leo asking him?

Lucas opened up his conversation with Eliott, fingers shaking, causing him to mistype and retype a hundred times over.

Me: Eliott where are you? Leo said they can't find you. We're all worried.

With another shuddering breath, Lucas put his phone facedown on the table, looking back up at his mother. She was fixing him with a concerned look, head tilted to the side and eyes soft. He felt thoroughly exposed for no reason.

"Is everything alright? You look suddenly worried," his mother asked, taking his hand once again, a sympathetic, soft smile on her lips now.

Before he could reply, he was cut off once again by the buzzing of his phone on the table. He gave his mum an apologetic smile and grabbed the phone, unlocking it faster than he ever had before.

Eliott: Dear Lucas, I want to first say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I scared you the other day and for not telling you sooner. Leo told me you know now. I'm sorry I can't be enough for you. You deserve so much more than me. You deserve the whole world. I'm sorry for this most of all. But I deserve this instead. I definitely do not deserve you, Lucas. In this world I have always been alone and I always will be. I wish I didn't have to leave you but I never want to take you where I'm going. So instead I leave you with this.

Eliott: Lucas, from the moment I saw you I knew you were it for me. My whole life was just waiting for you. I'm happy for the short time we've had together. I hope in all the other universes that we can be together, that I can be enough for you. I'm sorry.

Below the last message was a picture of a drawing. A two piece cartoon. On one half, a raccoon and a hedgehog embraced in the light of a street lamp. On the other half, the raccoon sat alone, ears down and scowling, the light facing away from him. Underneath in Eliott's familiar scrawl it read: Eliott number 3798 has the courage

Lucas' phone slid from his hand, bouncing onto the floor with a faint crack, landing face down on the carpeted floor. And then Lucas' whole world crashed into the sun.

#skam france #elu #elu fic #eliott demaury #lucas lallament #next chapter probably coming sometime later this week as i'm finally on a break

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hannahwayward-blog · 8 years ago

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Kolkata Day 3: Boats, Trains, and Autorickshaws

Today marks my third day in Bangalore, which means I’m almost a week behind in blogging -- sorry all! Hopefully my daily instagrams have been enough proof of life that none of you are worried :) As I write this, I’m sitting on one of the porches at my friend Arune’s flat in Bangalore, which might be the closest thing to heaven I’ve ever experienced, but more on that later.

If Arune’s flat is heaven, then hell is the Howrah train station, which was where my adventure began last Monday. I had decided to go to Dakshineswar, a temple on the Hooghly (the city’s branch of the Ganges river) north of Kolkata dedicated to the goddess Kali. During my last visit to the city, we went to Belur Math, Swami Vivekananda’s temple also on the Ganges, but hadn’t made the journey further up the river to Dakshineswar. As far as I remembered (and research confirmed this), I could catch a ferry from Howrah to Belur Math, and from there another ferry to Dakshineswar. It would be a simple trip up the river and then I would get home in the reverse. My crucial mistake was forgetting, momentarily, that this is India, and the infinite deities laugh at plans.

I took a taxi from my hotel on Sudder Street to Babughat. The ghats are entrances to the Hooghly River, and from here I could catch a ferry to Howrah. This part was easy enough, although I got massively ripped off by my taxi driver - “100 rupees only, ma’am!” for a journey that should have been 50, tops - but it was already so brutally hot outside that I didn’t care. At 9:30 AM, the heat index had climbed into the 100s, and there was no way I was walking the couple miles to the ghat. I got my ferry ticket for about 10 Rs. and was shuttled over to Howrah across the teeming, gray-green stew that is the Hooghly. It was refreshingly breezy on the water, but that came to a sudden end when we disembarked at Howrah.

If Kolkata is the surface of the sun, Howrah that day was its molten core. Even in the pre-noon hours, the sun was scorching and a thick, heavy haze blanketed the street. I tried at least five different ticket windows, but got some version of “no” from each person: either their English wasn’t good enough and my Bangla wasn’t good enough to communicate, or they told me that Dakshineswar was closed, or that Belur Math was closed, or that there were no ferries, until finally I was told by a few different tellers to take the train to Belur. Crap. I had not planned on taking a train, nor did I have any knowledge of the train system, but I hiked it across the street to the large, red-and-yellow brick train station, another imposing, and slightly downtrodden, relic of the Raj.

Like I said before, if there’s a hell, it probably resembles the scene inside Howrah station. It was indescribably hot. Even sitting down, unmoving, sweat was running down every part of my body. My shirt and pants were soaked, and my hair felt wet despite having not showered since the previous night. Large fans only served to blow the hot air around, and the station was packed wall-to-wall with people equally miserable and sweaty. Again, I tried explaining my destination at a few ticket windows before I found someone with whom there was adequate mutual understanding. I was told I was going to take a train to Belur, and from the Belur station I would have to get to Belur Math, then ferry from there to Dakshineswar. Easy enough, right?

Nope, wrong again! The first challenge was finding my train. There were, I think, 18 different sets of tracks, with trains constantly coming and going. Almost all of the signs were in Bangla, and even though there was a time that I could read Bangla text, I still would’ve had no idea what most were indicating. I asked the “enquiries” counter for assistance, and was told that I would catch the train at platforms 1 through 5, and that I should look for “1010.” With this knowledge I headed to the sets of tracks, scouring all the signs for the numbers “1010.” Nothing. No train on the entire daily schedule was #1010, and the time 10:10 had passed so that couldn’t be it either. I resorted to asking each incoming train at the platforms if their train was going to Belur, and was met with “no” after “no.” I then misinterpreted an announcement and booked it over to platform 15, which was clear at the other end of the station, only to find that this was not my train either. Drenched in sweat and feeling quite woozy, I went back to platforms one through five and waited… and waited… and waited.

After the sweatiest, longest hour of my life, during which I was stared at, smiled at, talked at, and begged from, I finally found a conductor whose train was going to Belur. I went halfway down the plaform to take a seat in the “ladies only” car (MAJOR key when traveling alone as a woman in India) and we were finally on our way.

After a 30 minute journey, we arrived at Belur, and I followed the signs for Belur Math, which was about a mile walk away. Just so we’re all on the same page, at this point my journey had involved a taxi, a ferry, a train, and my two feet. I arrived at Belur Math and breezed through to the riverfront since I had seen the temple before, and easily found the ferry ghat. To my dismay, I realized what the tellers at Howrah had been trying to tell me. The ferries between Belur Math and Dakshineswar were closed for construction! Crap crap crap. At this point it seemed I had two options - I could take the train back to hell, or I could try to continue to Dakshineswar. Being that I had no other plans for the day, I chose the latter.

From the Belur Math ghat, I took what can hardly be described as a ferry across the river again. The small boat shuddered and the motor, in the middle of the glorified raft with a roof, spewed black smoke. I ate a banana that I’d packed, and in an attemplt to move away from the fumes, one of my fellow passengers sat on the peel, which resulted in some laughter from both of us. Again, though, the breeze was a welcome change from the steamy streets, but I was still glad to get off on the Kolkata side. From there, it seemed it was a few miles to the town of Dakshineswar, then a couple miles from there to the temple. I asked a few people how to get to the town, and kept getting “bus” as the answer, but that seemed intimidating. A couple young girls offered to share their autorickshaw with me, and after some convincing (I was worried about getting ripped off but they assured me the price of 15 Rs. was good), I climbed aboard.

At this point I was three liters of water deep, and the need to pee had become urgent. Each bump and jump of the 20 minute ride was somewhat excruciating. Finally, we arrived at what seemed to be the bus junction, which was really just a few converging dirt roads, and from there I began the mile-ish walk to the Dakshineswar temple. The walk took me on narrow, busy paths straight through a slum, and it was the first time I’d been within one. Per usual, there was staring and begging, but I just smiled and said “na” and kept forging ahead.

Finally, around 12:30 -- three hours into my journey -- I arrived at the Dakshineswar Kali temple. I paid Rs. 2 to quickly use the bathroom outside, and then had to check in my bag, including my camera and phone, and my shoes. The brick and stone ground had baked all day in the hot sun, and the heat index had reached 117 degrees Fahrenheit. My feet were searing as I dashed from shady spot to shady spot, and even the thin rugs they had laid out were small protection from the heat. I saw a group of people sitting in the shade of one of the twin pavilion flanking the temple. The temple was smaller than I’d anticipated, but very ornately carved and quite beautiful. I joined the waiting group -- apparently Kali had to rest between noon and 1:30 -- fanning away the flies that had gathered in the scorching shade.

After a bit, the temple’s side door swung open. The onlookers rushed to form a surprisingly orderly queue, and the women in the group began a strange, shrieking cry as they pressed their palms together and touched their thumbs to their foreheads. It was a little surreal, watching the faithful swarm for a glimpse of their deity. After observing for a while, I went to look at the twelve small temples across from the main building, which were dedicated to one of the other gods. Behind these, I could see a park and then the river, and so I decided to begin my journey home.

At the Dakshineswar ghat, I was told there was no ferry service except directly across to the Howrah side of the river, which would’ve meant another train ride. Unwilling to take this on, I walked back outside the temple gates, bought another water bottle, and caught an autorickshaw back to the bus junction. My intention was to take a taxi back to the city, since I was due north, but the taxi driver I spoke with was trying to charge me an inordinate amount. I asked a few others standing around if there was a metro station nearby with no success, so I haggled with the driver but was still unhappy with the price. A young Bengali man walked over to me and told me, in English, that I could take a bus to Dum Dum, from where I could catch the metro to Park Street. He and the taxi driver proceeded to argue in Bangla, presumably about the price and the fact that the young man had taken business from him, and I thanked the man profusely before availing a bus.

After a few buses passed, I finally found one headed for Dum Dum. For Rs. 9, I joined a motley crew of businessmen and washer women on the non-airconditioned bus for a 45 minute journey through the northern parts of Kolkata. Living in Kolkata six years ago, I swore I would never take a bus. Usually crammed to the gills, they barely even slowed down to onload and offload passengers, with the porters hanging out of the open doors at front and back to pull riders on and help them off. Yet here I was, squeezed onto a bench near the front of the bus, sweating profusely amongst the Indian locals. The bus was open-air and non-AC, and the heat index had reached 122 degrees -- a new record for me.

At Dum Dum, I offloaded and walked to the metro station, from which I bought a ticket for Rs. 3 and traveled 30 minutes south to Park Street. The metro cars, blessedly, have air conditioning, and since my last stint in Kolkata they had added a “women only” section in the middle of each car. I encountered two other Westerners, Irish girls who were living in the city working at an NGO for five weeks, and chatted a bit with them before getting off at my stop.

Starving, I stumbled through the crowds at the metro exit and saw the new Domino’s at the corner of Park Street, where I ( scarfed down a personal cheese pizza before making my way back to my hotel. It was a little after 4:00 PM, so the entire day had been a seven hour trek. I promptly fell asleep for 10 hours.

Was the temple worth it? Honestly, no. Probably due to a combination of the extreme heat and my lack of knowledge about its significance - although I did have a good understanding of the history of the site - I found it to be underwhelming. The pictures I had seen made it look much larger. It was beautiful constructed, and it was fascinating to see the worship of the deities first hand, but not entirely worth the hassle it took to get there. However, the real question is whether the journey was worth it, and to that I give a resounding yes. Thanks to boats, trains, automobiles, autorickshaws, and my trusty Chacos; and the kindness of the countless people who confirmed whether I was headed in the right direction when I said “Dakshineswar, ha?” and pointed, who invited me into their autoricks, who helped me haggle with taxi drivers, and who got me there and back successfully; I had made my way, alone, to Dakshineswar and back despite closed ferry routes and stifling heat. I ended the day exhausted and dehydrated, but feeling remarkably self-reliant - and isn’t that what solo travel is all about? I think so.

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mentacose-archive · 8 years ago

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hahaHAHAHA my next victim!! ALL THE OC QUESTIONS MWAHAHAHA and for the ones that you need individual OCs for: Aine,Basil, Fain, Lai, and Kai

who are you anon…… i’ve seen you do this to my friends….. what are your evil plans……

okay im putting this all under a cut

1. Do any of your OCs have a speech impediment?

no, not really. though cyar does shorten his speech somewhat, such as turning “you” into “ya” and excluding the ‘g’ from verbs, ie “running” becomes “runnin’”. now that i think about it, i have made a few ocs mute

2. Do any of your OCs have a physical disability?

kai has wings, but they’ve been too injured in the past for him to fly now. the best he can do is fall-glide. poor guy

3. What is your OCs favorite band if they have one?

oh boy

aine: she would be a swiftie who kept track of all of taylor swift’s albums up until red. she’d love all the old songs, wishing the old swift was back

basil: he’d really like thomas bergersen’s stuff tbh they’re so epic

fain: queue him jamming out to krewella. like aine, he’d be head over heels for her old stuff, but less impressed with her newer stuff.

lai: lindsey stirling cause she has some sick violin tracks

kai: i can see this boy rockin out to fall out boy or thousand foot krutch

4. Does your OC have anything they take pride in? (like an award or collection?)

aine: aine is super proud of her biological research notes/ journals

basil: basil would probably be proud of any family heirlooms his parents happened to pass onto him

fain: he’s pretty confident with his hunting skills, especially since many of his fellow elves don’t do it much anymore

lai: she’s proud of finally getting her job as a messenger

kai: um. good question

5. Does your OC have a favorite film?

aine: hers would be tangled

basil: he’d be head over heels over lord of the rings

fain: he’d be a huge fan of narnia

lai: i can see her liking pride and prejudice

kai: he’d love movies with violence. coughs MARVEL

6. How tall is your OC?

aine: she’s like 12 and smol so she’d be 5′ at the most

basil: he’s just a little older than aine so. maybe 5′6″???

fain: he tol i’d peg him around 5′11″

lai: 5′7″

kai: 5′10″

7. Does your OC have a celebrity crush?

laughs none of them do sorry

8. Do you ship any 2 of your OCs?

*cracks knuckles* okay here we go i ship aine x theo. im teetering on the edge of shipping lai and kai romantically, but i could also see them as just. real good friends y’know????

9. How would you describe your OCs fashion taste?

aine: she loves all the frilly dresses and bright pastel colors

basil: his fashion taste would be terrible if he didn’t have his wardrobe already picked out for him. so now he just looks princely

fain: plain, not too show-offy

lai: light and loose. she doesn’t like tight clothes

kai: edgy. kai you tore your shirt a long time ago pls replace it

10. Does your OC have any special talents?

aine: she is a whiz at biology

basil: uh idk. his special talent would be leadership i guess

fain: hunting. he’s also v intuitive

lai: flying and fighting. she’s good at both

kai: fighting

11. Is your OC really bad at something?

aine: math. math’s always been her worst subject

basil: he could do many things he sets his mind to but he lacks the confidence rip gavin save him

fain: controlling his urge to flirt with every girl he sees

lai: uh idk

kai: handling his emotions in a healthy manner rip

12. Does your OC have both of their parents?

aine: yep she does, even though she doesn’t agree with half the things they say

basil: rip he does for a time and then his dad dies sorry basil

fain: he does !!! and his mom wants him to get married already

lai: her mom’s dead but her dad’s fine

kai: nope he’s either an orphan or he was abandoned at a very young age i haven’t decided which

13. Does your OC know their parents?

aine: yes

basil: yeah

fain: mm hmm

lai: she knew her mom up until she died, but she never knew her father

kai: nah

14. Does your OC have any siblings?

aine: haha yeah she has her twin brother raiden, her older sister abigail, and her older brother terence

basil: he has one younger sis who he loves very much

fain: he has a brother who’s way younger than him who he usually has to babysit. not that he minds he’s v good with kids

lai: she’s an only child

kai: and so is he

15. Do any of your OCs have pets?

aine would totally have like a million pet butterflies and perhaps a pet cat. otherwise i can’t think of any others who have pets, but i am totally gonna change that

16. Do you have any nonhuman OCs?

hmm yes okay zykron is an alien, lai and kai are medagons, my oc aithne is a phoenix, and i have like a million dragons and mermaids

17. Do you have any OCs you haven’t posted about?

p l e n t y. you have no idea

18. How would you describe your OCs nature in one word?

aine: spirited

basil: innocent

fain: lighthearted

lai: kind

kai: angry

19. Who is your youngest OC?

good question i’d say delphine. she’s an oc i haven’t posted about but she’s canonically like 5 years old

20. Who is your oldest OC?

probably my dragon (i forgot her name i think it was ciecle or crea or something). she lives a LONG time

21. What race is your OC?

aine: she’s a human

basil: he’s also a human. but a royal human

fain: he’s an elf

lai: she’s a medagon

kai: he’s also a medagon

22. Would your OC like you?

aine: aine likes everyone

basil: i don’t think he’d mind me too much. he’s too sweet to judge others that easily

fain: fain and i would be buddies yo

lai: yeah she would

kai: nope. not at all he likes nobody

#anon #boy this was LONG

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