#r&j alas i’m resigned to the inevitable slaughter

[cto10121]

R&J Clown Takes Special Edition (+ Shakespeare Clownery)—My & Juliet Angst Is Killing Me

The Folgers alas stooped to interviewing the ~geniuses behind the jukebox musical & Juliet, and so of course they got to air out both their R&J and their Shakespeare clownery for the whole Internet, the finest meat for my clown-eatery. We feast tonight! Spoilers, of course

R&J Hate Dumb

Romeo is many things, but shallow isn’t one of them. If he or Juliet were, their love affair would have been over when they first found out they were each other’s enemy. There is only one thing shallow about Shakespeare’s play and that is Veronian society itself, deliberately depicted as such.

These knuckleheads then go on to reference Romeo bro-ing with his bros as “proof” of this. Never mind that Mercutio and Benvolio weren’t supposed to know about R&J’s relationship, no one could, so Romeo getting them off his tail and being normal can be in no way performative. Juliet has her Nurse on the know so she doesn’t have to perform either. And again, she has to make sure her parents aren’t on her tail. Even then, though, she makes sure not to lie (technically).

The only point where either Romeo and Juliet can be said to be in any way performative is Romeo’s “love” for Rosaline and Juliet having to come up with a diplomatic response to her mother and nurse on the question of marriage.

“Older pair of lovers” with “Teenage Dream” with nightingale and lark rip-off…it’s giving unintentional parody. It’s giving “no thoughts, head empty.”

Romeo “I killed myself for my true love and honored my rival’s dying request to be lain with her because of course that is perfectly logical to me” Montague, an ego?????? This is arguably worse than Fey!Romeo. What is with modern musicals and their insistence that every single male love interest/character be a huge egotistical dick?

Shakespeare Hate Dumb

Because of course a small town 16th century SAHM who ran a merchant house and stored 800 bushels of malt for ale would be more ~progressive about gender and social issues than a classics-educated theater actor and writer who traveled England and wrote genderbending social comedies and whose sonnets are frequently interpreted as bierotic. Because men smart, woman smarter, always!!! No thoughts, head empty!!!!

Die (Reprise, andante con grande emozione).

Also, Something Rotten called, they’re suing you for copyright infrigement. Is this Shakespeare going to complain about how it’s hard to be the bard too? Seriously, wtf?

Okay, so Tumblr won’t let me add in another screenshot, but I have to talk about the fact that these numbskulls straight up confessed they wanted to do a Max Martin musical (per producer diktat) and came up with the R&J plot afterward because, and I kid you not…most of Martin’s songs are about young teen love. 😑 Yeah, dude, like 95% of all pop music ever since the Beatles.

Also, also, not all songs about young teen love necessarily fit R&J!!! From what I can tell, the songs they chose have little to no relevance to the characters or dynamic at all, hence this new fanfic plot. And judging by the excerpts, I don’t think they even bothered changing the lyrics to fit the new context. They really should have just changed the names à la West Side Story, but they definitely knew the show wouldn’t have sold as well without the tie-in. It just pisses me off, this consistent disrespect for the source material all the while exploiting it for profit.

Bonus: Very ~Apropos Song Lyrics

Because of course these lyrics about a breakup completely fit a girl who just found her love dead beside her, having committed suicide. 🙃 No thoughts, head empty